Living to Be Well

I'm Changing

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

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Series Code: LTBW

Program Code: LTBW000024A


00:35 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim, and welcome to Live to be Well.
00:40 Have you thought about how your life is changing?
00:43 We change, we evolve every day.
00:46 I am so happy to have a special guest
00:49 Mrs. Paula Henry, welcome.
00:51 Thank you, Dr. Kim.
00:52 God is so good. Thank you so much.
00:54 Amen, yes, He is. Amen.
00:55 You know, when I was thinking about
00:56 the title of your program, I thought about
00:59 what you've been going through,
01:00 and the Lord put it on my heart, I am Changing.
01:04 And truly, you are evolving
01:07 but you've have gone through a lot of changes.
01:09 Yes.
01:10 So let's talk a little bit about your humble beginnings,
01:14 where you are from, family origin, marriage,
01:16 Detroit, you have two beautiful children,
01:19 and then let's transition to what has happened.
01:23 All right, so are you a native Detroiter?
01:25 I am, I was born and raised in Detroit.
01:27 East side? West side? West side.
01:29 Oh, whatever. Okay, East side.
01:32 Okay, we'll let you have that one.
01:34 You know, you know, people don't understand
01:35 outside of Detroit what that means
01:37 'cause they don't have that battle in other states.
01:40 But it's always been like that
01:41 with East side square and the West side.
01:43 East side and the West side.
01:44 You know, you got to be from Detroit to understand.
01:46 Absolutely.
01:47 So how long have you been married?
01:49 So I have been married, it will be 21 years this year.
01:53 Really? Yes.
01:54 Congratulations. Look at that smile.
01:57 You know, every time I see you in pictures,
01:59 you're just smiling, you know, Brother Troy going this way,
02:02 you're going that way, you're in front of him.
02:04 Yeah.
02:05 Looking like teenagers, you know.
02:07 Yeah, that's my guy. Yeah. So how many children?
02:10 I have two biological children, and we have two...
02:13 I call them my love children.
02:15 Yes. Wonderful. Yes.
02:16 And you're so excited
02:18 because your son started college last year.
02:20 So I have a sophomore in college
02:22 and a sophomore in high school.
02:24 Isn't that too cute? What!
02:26 The cutest thing. You know, so what is it like?
02:29 Your son and then here is your daughter sophomore.
02:31 Does she miss her brother when he's away?
02:33 You know, they really have a wonderful relationship.
02:35 That's a blessing.
02:37 Yes, you know, 'cause when I was coming up,
02:38 we couldn't fight as siblings, so my children cannot as well.
02:42 And it's something, you know,
02:44 you have an older brother and a younger sister,
02:46 and they go through a little, you know.
02:47 But they love each other.
02:49 She misses him when he's not at home.
02:50 Does he miss her? He does.
02:52 Does he? He does, yes.
02:54 They've been together all summer
02:55 'cause he's home from school.
02:56 Oh, my goodness.
02:58 You gave him the most awesome open house.
03:00 I could not attend
03:01 because Arthur was ill at the time.
03:03 But I saw the beautiful pictures,
03:05 I was like, "I need to do this, I need to do that.
03:08 That was beautiful."
03:09 Yeah, we had a good time. We had a good time.
03:10 So siblings, how many siblings do you have?
03:13 I have a twin sister. No!
03:15 I do. I do.
03:17 You know, have we talked about that before?
03:18 You know, I'm not sure.
03:19 I don't think I've ever heard you say that.
03:21 Are you identical or fraternal? Fraternal.
03:23 And who's the eldest?
03:24 And we have two birth certificates,
03:26 believe it or not, one says I'm the oldest
03:28 and the other says she's the oldest.
03:29 What!
03:31 But my mother says I'm the oldest by 12 minutes.
03:32 So I'm taking that one.
03:34 You're going to take in and believe what mama says.
03:35 Yeah.
03:36 Well, let's talk about your educational background
03:38 and what you do for living.
03:40 So currently, I am an assistant principal
03:43 for National Heritage Academies.
03:46 We are called Deans,
03:47 and I'm currently over grades four through eight.
03:49 Wow, those are their serious ages.
03:52 Yes. They're finding themselves.
03:53 Absolutely.
03:55 The most unique time in their life.
03:57 I like what you said there, unique time.
03:58 They're their special individuals in that time.
04:02 You know, what kind of a fourth grader were you?
04:04 You know, I was always a quiet student, you know,
04:07 I was the kind that love the teacher
04:09 and kind of want to be near the teacher, you know.
04:11 I had to work hard for it. You worked hard?
04:13 Did you matriculate right through?
04:14 Yeah. Passed all your classes in...
04:16 I did. Well, most of them.
04:18 Most of them. Most of them.
04:19 We'll say, we'll get to high school,
04:21 math wasn't my easiest, yeah.
04:23 Okay, let's just be transparent.
04:25 You know, let's just call it.
04:26 And it's good because young people
04:28 watch the program and they need to know
04:30 that we too struggle.
04:32 Yeah, absolutely. But we didn't give up.
04:33 Absolutely. Absolutely.
04:35 And I went to, you know, "Premier" Detroit School,
04:38 I went to Castaic.
04:40 Oh, my mom went into Cas.
04:41 You know, I always thought
04:43 you all were something over there.
04:44 Well, we were a bit special.
04:45 You all were.
04:47 Okay. Yeah, yeah.
04:49 And then from Cas, where did you attend?
04:50 So I went to central Michigan for undergrad,
04:53 and I graduated with a degree in recreation administration.
04:57 Now did you go to Ohio?
04:59 No, I went to Mount Pleasant, Michigan.
05:00 Oh, you went to Mount Pleasant? I did.
05:01 Three hours away, first time I've been away
05:03 from my twin sister.
05:05 Really? Yeah.
05:06 I went on the Track scholarship.
05:07 Did you? Track? I did.
05:09 Listen... tell me about Paula.
05:11 I went to Central Michigan on a Track scholarship...
05:14 Well, you could run, girl.
05:15 Little, some, some, not too much.
05:18 And my sister went to Eastern.
05:20 And so, you know, my parents were, you know,
05:22 middle class, so it was expensive to send,
05:25 you know, both kids to college.
05:26 So I got a Track scholarship,
05:27 and my sister went through the military.
05:29 Okay.
05:30 So I graduated from Central, and then I came home,
05:32 and I started working for the Detroit,
05:34 city of Detroit in a chain park and with the festivals
05:38 'cause I wanted to work in a recreation center.
05:39 Well, where were you
05:41 when I needed to get in free, okay.
05:42 Well, back then you could get into the festival.
05:45 Yeah, it was, yeah. Those were the best times.
05:47 Yes, we had a great time.
05:50 You know, I once wanted worked with kids,
05:52 but I knew before I left Central
05:53 that I needed to get my teacher certificate.
05:55 But I was ready to come home, and so I came home,
05:58 and found that with the recreation, you know,
06:01 was a lot of seniority.
06:02 So I started substitute teaching.
06:04 And there from subbing, I get my bachelor's degree
06:07 in education from Oakland University.
06:10 And then I went on, you know, with teaching,
06:13 you have to be certified every five years.
06:14 Yeah.
06:16 So I got a master's degree in reading
06:17 from UM-Dearborn.
06:20 And I got another master's degree
06:23 in special education.
06:25 All right.
06:27 Because working for Detroit Public Schools
06:29 at that time, we needed more certified teachers
06:33 in special education, so they sent me to special ed.
06:35 And then I pursued a degree in educational leadership
06:39 which is now afforded me the opportunity to be
06:42 in administration now so.
06:43 Oh, my goodness. Yeah.
06:45 So were you married with children doing all of this?
06:48 Well, when I did my master's degree, I was.
06:50 Yes.
06:52 And my husband supported me throughout the entire time.
06:55 I couldn't have gotten without him.
06:56 Isn't that a blessing? I'm so blessed.
06:58 Does he cook? Oh, he's wonderful.
07:00 Ha can cook? Yes.
07:01 Really?
07:03 He can cook, he can clean, he can do it all.
07:04 He wash? Yes!
07:06 Does he wash? My husband is wonderful.
07:07 He's a superman! He is. He is.
07:09 All right. And works at the same time.
07:11 What do you say? Yes.
07:13 You are all in love.
07:14 Look at you. I am.
07:16 I love my husband. I love my husband so much.
07:17 That is a blessing. He's so good to me.
07:19 That's a blessing.
07:20 So let's talk about I am Changing
07:24 and when did the change begin and what was this change?
07:29 When I left Detroit Public Schools
07:32 which I never thought that I would, you know,
07:33 but with the way the system was going, you know,
07:35 I needed to make sure I could take care of my family.
07:38 I went over to National Heritage Academies
07:40 which is NHA
07:41 and it was a different set up all together.
07:43 Is that a charter school?
07:44 It is a public charter organization,
07:46 and it is very systematic, I mean,
07:48 everything is very organized, and so it was different
07:52 from what I was used to
07:54 and so it was a little bit stress for me going,
07:56 coming in from the outside.
07:58 Most people grow up in NHAs, what we call it,
08:01 and so me coming in from outside public, you know,
08:05 to charter, it was a lot of changes,
08:08 it was a lot of, you know,
08:10 learning different operating systems.
08:13 Going from being a teacher to an administrator
08:16 is the big job as well.
08:18 So it was a lot of stress, you know, learning everything.
08:21 So I kind of noticed
08:22 'cause at the time I had sisterlocks,
08:24 I had a beautiful head of sisterlocks,
08:26 I mean, just streaming down.
08:28 And so I started going through some, you know,
08:31 some stress and I noticed I would start getting,
08:33 you know, my locks we're starting to falling out.
08:36 It's like, okay, I didn't think too much of it,
08:37 maybe it was just me, maybe, you know.
08:39 And then that was in 2012 when I started there and then,
08:44 you know, I was there a couple years.
08:46 And then my dad passed.
08:48 And so my twin sister now lives in Texas,
08:51 before that she was in Illinois,
08:53 my younger sister lives in Indiana.
08:56 And so my brother who was killed unfortunately,
09:01 yes, I had a brother who was murdered.
09:02 So I'm the only child here, so it was just me and my mom.
09:06 Yes.
09:07 So after my dad died, it was very stressful.
09:10 You don't realize how grief can almost consume you,
09:14 how it can just take over your life,
09:17 and how you internalize it.
09:19 And I didn't realize that I was I think
09:22 internalizing it inward, you know,
09:24 I'm trying to take care of mom, you know,
09:25 making sure she's okay 'cause she's there by herself
09:28 and my sisters weren't there and then I'm working
09:30 'cause my mom lives in Detroit, I live in Novi,
09:34 and I work in Bellevue.
09:35 So of course, I'm still a wife, I'm still a mother, and my job.
09:40 So, you know, it was just taking a toll on me,
09:42 it was taking a toll.
09:43 So, you know, obviously I'm here doing this
09:45 and you know, like...
09:46 and then losing that lock or...
09:49 And then I would go and get my hair retightened
09:50 and it started up top.
09:54 It was a small circle,
09:56 then the circle got a little bit bigger,
09:57 just smooth.
09:59 And the circle continued to grow and then eventually,
10:02 I said, "Well, I'm going to have to take my locks out,
10:04 'cause maybe it was heavy, you know,
10:06 so let me cut my locks out."
10:08 And then I started wearing a wig.
10:11 And I'm not a hair person so, you know,
10:15 how people can go and style and, you know,
10:17 that wasn't my forte.
10:19 My mother was worried when I had a daughter
10:20 'cause she was like what am I going to do with her.
10:23 And so I started to wear wigs,
10:24 I would go to the beauty barber store,
10:26 and it was just like wow, 'cause wigs come in all colors.
10:30 Oh, yes.
10:31 All shapes, sizes, long hair, short hair, curly, grey, black,
10:36 red, I mean, it was just...
10:38 Too many to choose from. Yeah, too many to choose from.
10:39 So I had to try to get used to that wearing a wig
10:42 because I was worried, you know,
10:44 when you talk about your hair, that's who you are.
10:47 Self-image. It's your...
10:48 it is, you know.
10:49 And so going from locks down here to no locks
10:53 and to wearing a wig I had to find out
10:55 if a short do works for you, if a long do works for you.
10:59 And then, you know,
11:00 you still have to go to work everyday
11:02 and be professional.
11:03 So I was just, you know, wearing wigs
11:05 and my family was supporting me and, you know,
11:07 I'll try one wig and, you know, "Oh, it looks good,"
11:10 and, you know, try another one, and it looks good.
11:14 And finally, and during this process,
11:17 I was still getting injections
11:18 'cause I was going to the doctor
11:20 trying to grow my hair back.
11:21 So you still didn't know what you had?
11:23 No, I didn't know.
11:25 I started going to the doctor and she told me then
11:27 at that point, I started going to the doctor,
11:29 and I wrote it down making sure I have in notes,
11:31 in August of 2013.
11:34 And she, then at that point,
11:35 told me that it was alopecia areata.
11:37 I'm like, "Well, what is that?"
11:39 I had heard of alopecia before."
11:41 And she was saying that, you know, it's a hair loss.
11:44 But I had heard was that is the result of stress.
11:47 Of course, they won't say that it is stress.
11:49 I knew I had a lot of stress in my life at that time.
11:52 So I started going to the doctor,
11:54 I would go once a month for these monthly injections.
11:56 And I just kept going and kept going,
11:59 and I went for almost two years
12:02 getting these monthly injections
12:04 while I'm still wearing wigs and everything.
12:06 And then I changed doctors and went to another doctor
12:10 who decided that we needed a more intensive treatment.
12:15 And then I started getting injections every other week,
12:18 and I did that for almost another year and a half.
12:21 And I had just had enough.
12:25 My husband, they were keep telling me,
12:26 you know, come home.
12:28 As soon as I get in the car from the job, I get in the car,
12:30 take that wig off and throw it in a back seat
12:33 'cause I'm like, I'm just hot, you know,
12:36 come home put my durag on.
12:38 And my husband and my kids will be like,
12:40 "You know, mom, you're okay.
12:41 You don't have to worry about that."
12:43 You know, they just constantly makes me
12:45 a little emotional on that
12:46 because they constantly were supporting me.
12:48 You know, whatever I was going through that day,
12:51 "You're fine mom," my daughter will say,
12:53 "You're beautiful."
12:55 Yes.
12:56 But you just had to get a place
12:58 where you have to believe it for yourself.
13:00 Yes.
13:02 And so I finally decided I would just shave it all off
13:05 and so I was still wearing a wig.
13:07 And I remember, you know, as a teacher,
13:09 we had those two weeks off of Christmas break.
13:14 It was Friday, December 19, 2015,
13:18 and I had decided I was not wearing another wig.
13:22 Wow.
13:24 I said, "God, this where I am, if this is where I am,
13:27 this is where I am."
13:28 I don't know why, you know, I used to think like,
13:30 "Why am I going through this?
13:32 Why me?" You know.
13:34 But at that point, it was just me and Jesus, and I said,
13:38 "Okay, this is what it is.
13:39 It could be worse." Oh, yes.
13:41 I could have breast cancer.
13:42 I could have all kind of things.
13:44 But if it's just a matter of putting a wig on
13:46 or not wearing a wig,
13:47 then this is where we are, Jesus.
13:49 So I haven't had on another wig
13:51 since Friday, December 19, 2015.
13:54 What do you say?
13:55 And when you embrace it,
13:57 everybody else can well with it.
13:59 I love it. I love it.
14:02 And, you know, they were like, "Wow."
14:04 And people were just telling me, you know.
14:06 "You're so brave." I wasn't trying to be brave.
14:08 Yes.
14:09 I had just got to a place I just say,
14:11 "God, if this is where we are, this is where we are.
14:12 I don't know why."
14:14 I still don't know but I get so many compliments,
14:18 and people are always telling me,
14:20 "You know, you're so brave,
14:22 you're so this, you're so courageous."
14:23 I mean, people will just be in tears
14:25 'cause I came to the quire, I was in quire at church,
14:29 no wig and everything, they're just like,
14:31 "Oh, you look so beautiful."
14:33 I'm like, "Okay."
14:35 And your co-workers are the same?
14:36 Everyone. Your students?
14:38 My principal, she's told me, she is along with my husband,
14:41 she said, "Just wear bald."
14:43 Just go bald. My principal.
14:44 So even in that place and time in my life,
14:47 God blessed me with a wonderful principal
14:49 who supported me along this journey.
14:51 She said, "Just wear bald,"
14:52 cause I will go and take my wig off.
14:55 She's like, "It's fine. You got a nice little head."
14:59 You do, you do.
15:01 I remember when I met you,
15:03 you had called me for counseling.
15:06 And I said she's such a beautiful woman
15:09 because my oldest had gone through breast cancer.
15:13 And she had called my husband, my late husband, and said,
15:16 "Dad, you know, I had my first chemo treatment,
15:19 and my hair is coming out."
15:20 She had beautiful, beautiful long hair.
15:22 And she said, "Dad, who do I do?"
15:25 He said, "Make an appointment with your barber, cut it off."
15:29 And she called me, and I didn't handle it as well.
15:33 She says, "Well, mom, what do you think I should do?"
15:36 And I froze on the phone. And she says, "Mom?"
15:40 And I said, "I can't talk right now."
15:43 So she was so hurt.
15:45 And at her third chemo treatment,
15:47 we went down to see her.
15:49 And I went to hug her, and she says,
15:51 "Can you embrace me?
15:53 Can you embrace this because the hair is gone, mom.
15:58 But what's important is that
16:00 I'm working through this cancer.
16:02 This is what's important, not the hair."
16:04 Right, right.
16:05 I was so ashamed 'cause I was just concerned about the image.
16:09 Right, right, because you're mom,
16:11 you're our mom, you want to make sure that we're okay.
16:14 Yes. So forgive yourself.
16:16 I did. Amen.
16:18 I appreciate that. Amen.
16:19 And my husband helped me to understand.
16:23 And to this day, she always says,
16:25 "Mommy, daddy, embrace my bald head,"
16:27 you know.
16:29 And she did this, she wears the stone,
16:30 you see her, different colors they would have, you know.
16:32 She's beautiful.
16:34 And she says you're beautiful 'cause she saw you on my page
16:38 and so she always identifies
16:41 when she see that beautiful head, you know.
16:43 Yeah. Yeah.
16:45 I'm thinking about embracing it,
16:46 myself doing something.
16:47 Oh, what? You don't hold me to it.
16:49 Okay. Okay.
16:52 So your husband Troy was supportive,
16:55 your children... The entire way.
16:58 How do you feel as a woman?
17:00 You know, initially, it was tough
17:02 because like you say your hair is your glory and what not.
17:05 And you know, when I first did it, you know,
17:09 I would be at home, you know, I wouldn't wear it out.
17:11 And I'm like, "We look so much alike now,"
17:13 I'm like, you know.
17:14 And then I wonder how did it make him feel, you know,
17:16 having a wife who's bald, you know.
17:19 And he, from day one has always loved me for me.
17:24 He has always. I mean, you know how we do.
17:27 We go through all these changes,
17:28 and he's like, "Okay, you're good today.
17:31 Well, you know, tomorrow is something else."
17:33 But he has just always, he's loved me even, you know,
17:37 when there are times especially as women,
17:38 we don't like what we look like, you know.
17:41 But when I say from day one, my Troy...
17:44 Your Troy, look at you. My troy.
17:46 He's been there.
17:48 He's just like, "Just wear bald."
17:49 He kept telling me, I'm like, "No, honey,
17:51 I can't wear like this going to work."
17:52 Well, he's like, "Just wear your bald,
17:54 just wear your bald."
17:55 And my kids, "Mom, you don't need that durag.
17:57 You don't need that."
17:59 Just have them embracing, I'm like,
18:00 "Now I have my family," my mom, my sister...
18:03 Everyone? Everyone.
18:04 Why am I worried about what other people think?
18:07 But again, I believe it's human nature.
18:08 Yes, it is.
18:10 It is 'cause we want to make sure
18:11 that we look a certain way.
18:13 Acceptable. We want to be acceptable.
18:14 We want to be acceptable. Yes.
18:15 Exactly.
18:17 But at the end, like I said, when you get to a place,
18:18 and I know it was God that helped get to that place
18:19 'cause it takes time,
18:21 and everybody can't do right now
18:22 what I have done. Right.
18:24 And everybody can't do the right now and maybe later.
18:25 Right.
18:27 You know, "Maybe, I don't know."
18:28 Right.
18:30 You know, their phases of, you know, acquiring my growth.
18:33 Absolutely.
18:34 So I can't allow your time to be my time
18:36 and God's time is not our time.
18:38 Amen.
18:39 Now no one else in the family has alopecia, no one else?
18:43 Well, what's interesting is that I had one little spot
18:47 when I was in college.
18:49 And like I said, I was running Track
18:50 and it could have been just like I said,
18:52 never been away from home.
18:54 And I went to the doctor, I got some injections,
18:56 it grew right back.
18:57 My son had a little episode,
18:59 and I think it's having to do with...
19:01 he had a little girlfriend, little stressful.
19:03 Little girlfriend, oh, oh. Little stressful.
19:05 Is he still with the girlfriend?
19:07 Is he still dating?
19:08 No, that's a different girl now.
19:10 Okay, somebody new. Yeah, somebody different.
19:12 And he had a similar episode so I don't know
19:16 if it's hereditary, or if it's...
19:19 I really believe that stress is what triggers it,
19:23 that brings it out, you know.
19:25 I did read that in my research.
19:26 Did you? Okay.
19:28 You know, so.
19:29 I really believe that 'cause like I said
19:31 I was under a lot of stress at the time.
19:36 And he's the same way.
19:38 He had a couple episodes so I'm wondering,
19:40 so I'm always trying to make sure, "Okay, honey,
19:42 what's going on, let's talk about it."
19:44 So but I don't know.
19:45 But you're done with the injections.
19:47 I'm done. Done.
19:49 What did those injections do, were there side effects?
19:52 Not for me per se.
19:54 But it's not necessarily the easiest thing to go and...
19:57 It's like little shot that they're putting in your head.
20:00 And so even when I went to the new doctor
20:04 that I went to, they always, you know,
20:06 people think I'm the life over the priority,
20:08 I wouldn't why.
20:09 No, you know they're saying why, go ahead.
20:11 All right.
20:12 But I just go in and I just, you know, "Hey, you know,
20:14 how is everybody?"
20:16 And I wouldn't wear hat, I has stopped wearing a wig
20:19 and they were just amazed that I came in, they are like,
20:22 "Yeah, well, hey, this is it."
20:24 And so she actually wanted me...
20:27 she wanted make it a little bit more...
20:32 What is the word I'm trying to use, intense.
20:34 And I was like, "No, I'm done."
20:37 You know, we need to look at, you know,
20:39 how women view themselves, not to say
20:42 men don't have struggles with self esteems,
20:44 self image, you know, we see on television now,
20:48 you can, you know, grow your hair back,
20:50 come get these injections and all this and that.
20:52 And they've got, you know, wigs, wigs, and all that.
20:54 I'm not saying, putting anybody down,
20:57 I do my thing.
20:58 Right. Right.
21:00 But my issue is the inward character
21:03 that's under attack 'cause, you know,
21:06 you can spend thousands and thousands of dollars
21:09 for your hair and outward appearance,
21:12 but if your mindset is destroyed and crippled,
21:16 then you can't get out of that, you know.
21:18 Yeah.
21:19 And so you have to find a way to recognize, as a woman,
21:23 you know, your own beauty.
21:25 So if you have one word to define your beauty,
21:28 what would it be?
21:29 One word to define my beauty would be
21:35 maybe I would just say love.
21:37 Love? Love.
21:38 I would because you have to get to that place
21:42 where you love who you are.
21:44 Yes.
21:45 I mean, and it's not necessarily
21:49 the easiest place to get to because as women,
21:52 we want to be beautiful.
21:53 You see things in the magazines and on TV.
21:56 Yes.
21:57 But you have to get to that place
21:58 where you just love you and because God loves me,
22:03 whatever I'm going through,
22:05 there's a purpose and a plan for it.
22:06 Yes.
22:08 If it's to help one sister, say, "Hey, it's okay."
22:11 Yes.
22:12 "You're beautiful." Yes.
22:14 If I had to be bald to help that sister, then amen.
22:18 Then that's your ministry. Then that's what it is.
22:20 You know, this is a ministry for you, when people see you...
22:22 You think?
22:23 Yes, because you have embraced who you are,
22:26 you don't have to...
22:27 I don't know if I could do it, my kid did it,
22:30 other women may not be able to be as strong or men.
22:33 But I do know is if anything that God takes you to
22:37 and brings you through...
22:39 Amen. Come on now, can I say it?
22:41 Come on now.
22:42 Anything that God takes you to,
22:43 brings you through is for His glory.
22:46 Amen.
22:47 And for Him to use that to win someone to His kingdom,
22:51 to inspire someone with hope,
22:53 to give someone a sense of pride.
22:56 And, Paula, you have a sense of pride about you.
22:58 Oh, thank you, doctor, to know that.
22:59 You know, I mean, from the moment I met you,
23:02 how do you did...
23:03 you know, you see your beautiful little girls
23:05 in your school, how do you deal with them
23:07 when you see a little one who may not,
23:10 maybe struggling with self esteem,
23:12 or being bullied, or you know, may not be as clean
23:16 and or hygiene issues, how do you deal with that
23:19 as a woman and as a vice principal?
23:21 You know, I start with a very bigger one,
23:25 relationships because if you know I care about you,
23:29 then I can win you, I can talk to you.
23:31 You know, if you know I have your heart,
23:33 then I think I can have your ear as well.
23:36 So when I talk to my kids, that's a lot of the things
23:38 that I do with all of kids, you know,
23:40 you see this one side, I got another side.
23:43 You got the other side, okay.
23:44 And so when they know I'm coming like
23:46 but they know I'm coming in love.
23:47 In love.
23:48 They know I care enough about them to pull them
23:50 to the side and say, "Hey, we need to work on this."
23:52 And when I see my little girls, "You are beautiful.
23:55 It doesn't matter what anybody say
23:57 but you have to know."
23:58 Yes. "You got to feel it."
24:00 Yes. "You got to believe it."
24:02 Yes.
24:03 "You are beautiful and God created you
24:05 the way that you're supposed to be created."
24:07 I feel that.
24:08 I am beautiful, I am loved, I'm created in God's image.
24:12 Amen.
24:14 God has given me special gifts and talents.
24:15 Well, may not be yours,
24:17 but I know God has given me something.
24:19 And we need everybody's gifts...
24:22 To work. To make it all work together.
24:24 You know, 'cause we are melting part,
24:26 and no man is an island.
24:28 No man is island, we need one another.
24:30 Yes.
24:31 In order for this to work, I need you, you need me,
24:34 you know, we need each other to survive.
24:36 Amen.
24:38 So, you know, I've prayed for you, you prayed for me.
24:40 Amen.
24:42 You know, I will not speak words
24:43 against you, you know, or harm you
24:45 because I need you to survive.
24:47 Amen. And that's a blessing.
24:49 All right, we have about three minutes,
24:51 didn't it go fast?
24:52 Oh, my goodness, three minutes. Three minutes, I know.
24:55 How can you help someone else with alopecia realize
24:59 you can get through this and you don't have to hide?
25:02 You know, the first thing that
25:03 I definitely will suggest anybody
25:05 because I believe in therapy.
25:07 Even that's how we've met. Yes.
25:09 It makes a difference to talk to somebody
25:11 who's been through it.
25:13 You know, people from the outside can say
25:14 what they think,
25:16 but if you've never gone through,
25:17 you don't know my story.
25:19 Ask me about my story. Your story.
25:21 You know what I mean?
25:22 And talk to someone who's been through it,
25:25 who can empathize with you,
25:26 who can share their ups and their downs.
25:28 That's right.
25:29 You know, that that will help them
25:30 work their way through whatever it is,
25:33 the place that they need to get to.
25:34 Everybody may not get to this place, you know.
25:35 That's right.
25:37 Because the weeks and weeks, they're beautiful,
25:39 they're expressive, but they are beautiful.
25:42 And there's nothing wrong with them.
25:43 "Wear your wig, wear your wig," that's where you are.
25:46 And I used to wonder about, to hold your thought,
25:48 she would come up there with different artists,
25:51 and I'd say, "How did they change the hair so fast?"
25:53 And my mother said,
25:55 "Poor child, girl does the wigs."
25:56 I didn't know, I mean, I was a teenager,
25:59 and I'm like different things that were going on in society,
26:03 but as long as we can remember, you know,
26:07 we have been conditioned, you know,
26:10 outside of the '70 period
26:13 when we were in our Afro movement
26:14 and we are beautiful people, all right?
26:17 Yeah, we are.
26:18 So counseling, being able to embrace yourself
26:22 and look at your timing for you, all right.
26:26 Right.
26:27 And love who you are, love who you are.
26:31 I believe like I say, God has a purpose and a plan
26:34 for everything that we go through
26:36 and your journey maybe to help somebody else.
26:39 Do you put anything special on your head now?
26:41 I do absolutely nothing.
26:42 I may get a little oil sometimes,
26:44 get a little shine a little bit.
26:46 But when you talk about get up and go...
26:48 You are ready to go. I'm ready to go.
26:49 Isn't that wonderful? It is wonderful.
26:51 No curling, ironing, no this and that.
26:53 No, no.
26:54 But at the same time, knowing that
26:58 you want to be healthy, you know and...
27:01 Do you even have some workout together,
27:04 you know, go swimming, water aerobics,
27:05 what do you all do together?
27:07 Well, we do a lot of fellowshipping, you know,
27:10 we eat together, we need
27:13 a little bit more healthier things
27:15 because I do believe as well
27:17 because we want to live to be well.
27:19 That's right. I like that.
27:20 Say that again.
27:22 We want to live to be well. I like that.
27:23 So there are some things that we need to take, you know,
27:25 we need to step up on and doing.
27:27 So I thank the Lord for you. We got to step up to the place.
27:29 We do, we do, we do because I want to make sure
27:32 that nothing, I'm not doing anything
27:34 that's impacting it
27:35 and making my condition may be worse.
27:37 There are some things I need to do better,
27:38 absolutely, but we do a lot of stuff together,
27:42 we're going to work on that working out.
27:44 Well, listen, Miss Paula, I want to thank you so much
27:47 for coming on Live to be Well.
27:49 Thank you so much for having me, doctor.
27:51 You're welcome, and may God continue to use you.
27:53 I want you to know you don't have to hide,
27:55 you don't have to run, embrace who you are,
27:58 and love you because God created you in His image.
28:01 And we on Live to be Well, we love you.
28:04 I'm Dr. Kim, God bless.


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Revised 2018-01-31