Participants:
Series Code: TDYL
Program Code: TDYL250013B
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00:02 Hello
00:10 and welcome to the second hour of 3ABN Live. 00:13 I'm Shelley Quinn. 00:14 And I'm JD Quinn. 00:19 Peters. 00:20 And Cherie, if you've been watching 3ABN over the last 20 00:24 years, you saw her on Teen Pathways celebrating life and 00:28 recovery, and now we are going to do a new series with her 00:32 that's going to be recorded soon, and it is going to be an 00:36 amazing series. 00:38 Celebrating life, colon, healing after, beyond trauma, 00:44 healing beyond trauma. 00:46 Cherie, tell us very quickly. 00:48 I mean, the first hour just flew. 00:50 Your story is so poignant, it's so emotional. 00:55 But we're talking tonight about drowning in dopamine, how the 01:01 whole world, there's so many things. 01:04 Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that affects the pain and 01:10 pleasure or reward sides of our brain. 01:13 God intended us, we saw like the seesaw, if you're taking 01:18 drugs, oh man, you get a dopamine surge, but then the 01:23 body wants to bring you back into balance. 01:25 And so this seesaw, instead of when you come off of those 01:30 drugs or shopping or you're gaming, whatever it is, then 01:34 all of a sudden you have a dopamine crash and you're in 01:38 pain, you're withdrawals. 01:40 God wants you to stay in balance, and we're going to 01:44 talk about that. 01:45 Even what some countries have figured out with research, like 01:50 France especially, that if you give devices to kids too young, 01:55 that their brain will not develop normally, and to have a 01:59 normal response to joy or pleasure, they will be on drugs 02:03 the rest of their life. 02:04 So that it doesn't correct itself if you start these 02:08 devices too early because of that pleasure center and that 02:11 pleasure pathway. 02:12 So it's like they've passed laws, you cannot program gaming 02:16 or devices to children 6 years old and under because of that 02:20 research. 02:25 and most of us have the ability to find pleasure again. 02:28 Like there's a book that I love, it's called Thrill to 02:32 Death and Archibald Hart. 02:34 It was an amazing book. 02:35 And what he says is that you get dopamine rushes too much 02:38 and you chase them and you get them higher and higher and 02:41 higher. 02:44 more, is that your pleasure center gets so exhausted that 02:48 it flatlines. 02:53 melatonin, all the stuff that comes off of that stops coming 02:57 off of that and you don't feel anything and you don't get to 03:00 the frontal lobe. 03:04 So you're not using self -control, common sense, you're 03:07 not going to your spiritual part of your brain. 03:09 And so the brain is really tied up in what we do with our 03:14 pleasure seeking and we end up with what's called an 03:17 anhedonistic disorder. 03:19 So hedonism is a seeker after pleasure. 03:22 I'm doing everything to find that pleasure, to chase the 03:25 dopamine, to chase that. 03:26 And all of a sudden I'm bored. 03:28 If I don't have a game, if I don't have something to go to, 03:32 I am bored to the point where I might as well kill myself. 03:36 Not because I'm depressed, but because I'm bored. 03:39 This life is just not worth it. 03:41 And we don't realize that there's something we can do, 03:44 but we cannot ignore the fact that you can't keep pushing 03:47 that pleasure center up. 03:49 You can't keep pushing that dopamine up because your body 03:52 will come into a balance and crash. 03:54 And we're all at risk because it's all around us and we don't 03:59 realize. 04:02 some trauma and still going through some physical trauma. 04:07 And there's one thing that I found that at the end of the 04:12 day, I'll sit down and I play this little word game. 04:15 And it just thrills me because sometimes I feel like with 04:21 what's going on that am I even functioning normally? 04:25 And I'm very good at it, very fast. 04:26 You almost feel normal. 04:27 And you know what? 04:32 you go through it so fast. 04:33 And it's like, mm-hmm. 04:34 And then sometimes I have to cheat and can't find the last 04:37 word. 04:39 And I'm going, no, I'm not good. 04:40 You know, that was bad. 04:47 important to me. 04:49 And so we're all at risk for this. 04:52 Don't think that you're not. 04:54 Remember, in this day and age, and we can't forget this, that 04:57 dopamine is the new currency. 05:00 So literally people are getting paid marketers, people that are 05:04 inventing ways to have food taste or ways to have games. 05:08 Hook us in or the lights and all of that kind of dopamine 05:13 inducing things are the new currency. 05:15 Once people realize they can make money by keeping somebody 05:19 geared towards whatever it is that they're seeking by 05:23 increasing their dopamine and not increasing the dopamine 05:26 straight up. 05:31 flashing of light will do something and your body 05:34 increases the dopamine. 05:35 So it's like that that it is a new currency. 05:38 It is what they're using, but people are using in order to 05:42 make money. 05:43 We want to take just a moment because this is a live program. 05:46 You want to tell them how they can. 05:48 Yes. 05:49 Yes. 05:55 Once again, live at three ABN dot TV. 05:58 It'll be at the bottom of your number. 05:59 And if you don't send something in, I just want to say hi. 06:03 Or if you want to text it is 618-228-3975 and send those 06:10 questions in. 06:12 And while we're taking a pause, let's talk about your before we 06:16 get any deeper and get into the questions. 06:18 Tell us about some of the resources that we have here at 06:22 three ABN. 06:25 Once is somebody asked me to write the story up in a book. 06:30 And so that's Miracle from the Street. 06:32 And so we wrote that up. 06:33 And it was a blessing to do. 06:35 Even though when I did the motorcycle scene where I got 06:39 kidnapped by the motorcycle gang, I went into a trauma 06:43 response for four months. 06:44 I couldn't feel my skin, literally out Marvin Moore. 06:48 I don't know if you remember him. 06:49 He was the editor of Signs of the Times. 06:51 He and a group got around me and just said, you're going to 06:54 get through this. 06:56 But so the Miracle from the Street book, if you. 06:58 So that was post traumatic stress syndrome. 07:02 I got retraumatized by just writing of it. 07:05 But what's really interesting to me is if you have someone 07:07 that's struggling in any way, it is just watching. 07:12 I think when you watch God work with anybody and God being so 07:15 faithful with that journey, this is really, I think, God's 07:18 story. 07:21 Then I saw Steps to Christ was amazing to me. 07:24 And I loved it. 07:27 But I couldn't give it to a lot of my friends that were not in 07:30 the church and they really didn't have a background to 07:33 understand the language that it was originally in. 07:36 So I got a number of addicts and we rewrote the entire 07:41 thing. 07:42 And we rewrote it by trying to keep it true to every line. 07:46 Because Ellen White, I believe, wrote Steps to Christ for a 07:48 temperance group. 07:52 And so we wrote it in that way. 07:54 So the first chapter, instead of being God is love, we put 07:57 God is crazy about you and can restore you to sanity. 08:00 So we rewrote it. 08:03 It has been accepted well into the people around. 08:07 And I put a girl covered with tattoos on the cover. 08:11 And the text is from Zephaniah. 08:13 And the text says that this person in heaven looks at 08:19 Jesus' hand, which is the only one with a mark on it, in all 08:23 of heaven. 08:26 And she said, What happened to your hand? 08:28 And he says, I was wounded in the house of my friends. 08:31 But he talks about the whole gospel story to somebody in 08:34 heaven. 08:38 you or God doesn't see you, that is not true. 08:41 So all of these are available at the call center. 08:44 God is crazy about you. 08:46 Can I say something? 08:47 Yes. 08:48 Before you go to God is crazy about you, when you were 08:51 talking about the vocabulary. 08:52 I remember when you were first doing Celebrating Life in 08:55 Recovery. 08:56 And this little lady called me from one of the coasts. 09:00 I won't say where, but anyway. 09:02 And she said, Honey, the material on Celebrating Life in 09:10 Recovery, she said, I can see where it's needed, but couldn't 09:13 you host it? 09:14 And I said, What? 09:17 You could tell me. 09:18 Yeah, but you know, because you had said, like you were telling 09:22 God, shut up. 09:25 So she said, she said, shut up to God. 09:28 And I said, you know, you're right. 09:30 I could host it. 09:32 And I said, and it would minister to you. 09:35 She was calling for her prayer group. 09:37 I said, it would minister to your prayer group, but it would 09:39 never reach the people on the streets we're trying to reach. 09:42 Because the vocabulary that we use in the Christian church, in 09:46 the vocabulary, you have always talked about when you started 09:49 coming to church, it shocked you that people talked about 09:52 the weather, you know. 09:53 All the time. 09:59 vernacular that they understand. 10:02 And that I understand. 10:03 So, you know, it literally is. 10:05 Even a lot of times I'll go out and present and I'll dress 10:09 pretty casual and somebody will say, you should dress up. 10:12 And I say, go to the mall and just see how many people are 10:15 dressed up. 10:19 just got to remember that. 10:20 And I think that as I grow up and as I mature in Christ, I 10:26 look cuter. 10:29 I dress better. 10:31 But you know, but it was important to me for that. 10:34 So that God is crazy about you is another one. 10:36 And this one I just got to say a little bit too is that I did 10:41 not think that God would use somebody like me ever. 10:44 And all of a sudden I get an invitation to Alaska. 10:48 And I remember feeling like I thought it was a friend 10:50 pranking me. 10:55 speak. 10:56 And it was. 10:57 And so they said, you know, how much do you charge to speak? 11:01 And I thought, are you kidding me? 11:02 They're going to pay me to talk about God? 11:04 Like I was so over the moon with that. 11:07 And I said, like a hundred bucks? 11:09 And they said, well, how much do you speak for a hundred 11:11 bucks? 11:11 And I said, I'm ADD. 11:12 I never shut up. 11:14 So at that point, they, of course, sent me a hundred bucks 11:16 right away and a contract. 11:18 And I go over there and I speak 16 times in four days. 11:21 It was overwhelming. 11:22 It was too much. 11:23 But at the very last of that time, I end up in a little 11:27 place called the Leknegik, Alaska. 11:29 And I meet a little girl that was 12. 11:31 She looked nine because she was so little. 11:33 And I meet a little girl that was in an abusive situation. 11:38 Her parents were in rehab. 11:40 Grandparents had Alzheimer's. 11:42 And she just came up to me and hugged me. 11:44 And she said, my life is like yours. 11:47 And I couldn't believe when she said that because I thought, no 11:50 way. 11:51 And she just held me for the longest time. 11:53 And I couldn't figure out what to say to her about that. 11:56 She was being sexually abused and all kinds of stuff was 11:59 happening. 12:00 And I said to her, you know, do you know everybody on this 12:05 island? 12:05 And she said, yes. 12:06 And I said, would you be my assistant? 12:09 And she said, I would. 12:10 And so we got to spend the whole time just ministering to 12:14 each other. 12:16 You can't adopt somebody. 12:18 You can't take them out of the situation. 12:20 And so I just wanted her to know that sometimes we're in a 12:26 situation where the abuse is horrendous, but you're going to 12:30 survive. 12:31 And sometimes that's the best we can say to somebody. 12:33 You're going to survive. 12:34 And there is a God. 12:35 And I am sorry for what you're going through. 12:38 I even remember yelling at God one time, like how did my dad 12:42 molested me from the time I was like a baby on, right? 12:46 And until I was four when he was kicked out. 12:48 So I was molested really early on. 12:50 And I said, God, how did you let that happen? 12:53 And He quietly said to me, I tried to convince your dad to 12:58 do anything else every day. 13:00 I stood in front of him every day. 13:02 The only way I could have stopped him is if I would have 13:05 killed him. 13:08 here. 13:13 recovery. 13:16 I tried to get him to deal with his drinking. 13:18 And so all of a sudden I realized that God was the only 13:20 innocent party there. 13:21 And I can't stay angry at God for what my dad did. 13:25 I have to put the blame on my father. 13:28 Amen. 13:31 I think that God has, with the heavenly counsels, allowed 13:37 Satan a short time. 13:40 And God will not cross over the boundaries of free will. 13:44 Like He said, He would have to kill your daddy. 13:47 You know, I don't know. 13:49 If you've been sexually abused, to me this is a big one. 13:54 It's a big one. 13:55 It's a big one. 13:57 But let me, you know, the Bible says that Christ was a man of 14:03 sorrows. 14:07 He suffered every temptation. 14:09 And you know, I used to think about that when He talks about 14:12 He's afflicted with our afflicted. 14:14 He understands. 14:15 He's a high priest who understands and sympathizes 14:19 with us. 14:20 And I thought, well, what about the sexual addiction? 14:22 You know, when somebody violates your innocence because 14:26 they thrust their sin upon you, Christ understands He hung on a 14:35 cross naked. 14:37 He was sinless. 14:39 His innocence was violated when the sins of the world were 14:46 thrust upon Him. 14:47 So He does understand. 14:49 And He's going to make it. 14:51 It's all going to be different. 14:53 Well, even when I remember like processing through some of that 14:58 trauma as a woman, and when all of a sudden God allowed me, He 15:03 said, I'll restore what the locust has destroyed. 15:06 Like I'll bring back to you what has been ripped from you. 15:11 And one day I remember just standing there. 15:13 I was standing I think in Moscow on Red Square going to 15:15 Nizhny Novgorod. 15:19 And so I'm standing in Red Square, this homeless kid out 15:22 of L.A. 15:23 and watching the sunset behind Onion Dome churches. 15:26 And God reminded me of all of the different things and not 15:29 everything. 15:32 here and I love you. 15:35 And so even for that what He says, I'll restore all of that. 15:38 So there is a thing that saying to God, I believe in those 15:43 promises and I believe that you will do that. 15:46 But the only way He can't do that is if we hold on to our 15:51 grief, if we hold on to our anger, our unforgiveness, our 15:55 resentments, because He just can't get through it. 15:57 It's almost like it's too dark. 15:59 Then I've got a question for you that's anonymous. 16:02 It's sent in. 16:05 Can talking about your expenses, experiences, thank 16:10 you, while healing help or hinder you? 16:14 You know what's really interesting about that? 16:17 Because research says, especially if you're a trauma 16:20 victim, especially CPTSC or childhood trauma, that talk 16:25 therapy actually is hurtful. 16:28 Not all therapies are hurtful, but some people that have been 16:32 through a lot of trauma, to relive those, we relive those 16:36 on such a significant level that it's hurtful. 16:39 I don't know if that's true for you, but it's true for a lot of 16:42 people. 16:47 today, figure out when I emotionally dysregulate, what 16:51 can I do to get myself back? 16:53 Explain that to people when you say that's just the come-apart. 16:56 When I emotionally dysregulate, all of a sudden I get 16:59 triggered, and everything feels like it's thrown into a fan and 17:03 it's all over the room. 17:05 I don't know where my feet are, I'm not making sense, my 17:09 writing changes, I feel numb. 17:11 When that happens, and I feel crazy, I feel irritable, I'm 17:17 irrational at times, I'm maybe even feeling like somebody is 17:21 actually trying to hurt me when they may not be, but all of 17:25 that happens and it's very real. 17:27 When I emotionally dysregulate, there's things that I can do 17:30 that's different than talk therapy. 17:32 The things I can do is ask myself what my feet are doing 17:36 right now. 17:37 Can I feel my feet on the chair? 17:39 Can I see the lights on the camera? 17:43 Can I hear somebody moving over here? 17:46 Can I hear the fan going and the air conditioning? 17:49 I start to get myself present in the room, and that literally 17:54 pulls the emotional dysregulation back, and I can 17:58 actually get back in my own skin. 18:00 There's things that I can learn to do that I can get a hold of 18:04 that dysregulation quicker, and there's all kinds of different 18:07 hacks that you can do, and talk therapy may not be one of them. 18:11 Some people go to talk therapy with a lot of trauma, and they 18:14 come out feeling worse, like they can come out and even kill 18:18 themselves. 18:23 there's not something you can do because there's things that 18:25 you can do. 18:27 Support groups, sometimes going... 18:29 We wrote a 14-week program from our last program just teaching 18:36 people how to connect because sometimes connection and coming 18:40 out of hiding is actually more healing than anything else. 18:44 I can come out to connect with a group and hear what they've 18:47 been through, and even though it's different than what I've 18:51 been through, my heart says, man, I understand that. 18:54 It resonates. 18:56 So it resonates with me, and so sometimes getting into a group, 19:00 the first group I got into, Shelley, was a knitting group 19:03 because I just didn't feel like I could go to a support group, 19:08 but God was telling me, you've got to get around people, and I 19:11 didn't read well enough to do a Bible study, so I just went to 19:15 a knitting group, and I remember listening to these 19:17 women laugh and hang out with each other, and that was 19:20 healing to me. 19:21 So it's just connection. 19:23 We've disconnected in our trauma, and we've got the 19:27 privilege of reconnecting in our recovery, and I promise 19:30 you, this next program that we're doing every week, we're 19:34 going to cover an aspect of trauma and definitely that 19:37 reconnecting or being able to see each other and have value 19:42 in just the seeing of each other, not so much that I'm 19:45 going to have an answer for you because some of the... 19:48 I've been molested since I was three months old. 19:50 Who has an answer to that? 19:51 There's no answer to that, and even though some people may 19:54 want to give me an answer, the only thing I can say is, God, 19:59 please cover this. 20:01 Now, you held up this resource, but for people who are 20:05 listening on the radio, talk about the recorded group 20:11 resource kit. 20:12 So the group... 20:13 In fact, they just did it out of... 20:15 They did the 14-week program from Trinidad, Tobago, and 20:20 Florida, and I think had, at one point, had 90 baptisms 20:24 because all it does is literally every week, you go in 20:27 and you watch a small clip of the program that we did on 20:30 somebody that we interviewed that had a trauma story that 20:35 really walked through that, and then we break into a small 20:39 group. 20:40 If there's 30 people in your group, we break into small 20:43 groups of five to seven, and then we talk about what we just 20:46 saw and has that interfered, like has anybody robbed you and 20:51 has anybody interfered with your ability to recover now, 20:54 and we talk about that with each other, and in the sharing 20:57 with each other and seeing each other and looking at each 21:00 other, it is amazing the healing that happens. 21:03 It's unbelievable, and so it's not that it's not a therapy 21:07 group, it's not a group where somebody's going to give you an 21:10 answer, even a biblical answer, it's just a group where you're 21:13 going to do... 21:14 It's called friendship ministry. 21:15 You're going to form friendships with people that 21:19 are walking in a recovery journey, and it's powerful. 21:23 The program is being used in different parts of the world. 21:27 If you want a copy of it, man, just call the call center, and 21:31 it's an easy one to run, but what's really interesting to me 21:35 is the reason I did this is most people were doing recovery 21:38 groups where you were talking about heroin or sexual 21:42 addictions or alcohol, but my problem, even though I was in a 21:46 heroin addict, my problem was I didn't know how to connect. 21:49 I didn't understand what friendship was, and I so longed 21:52 for it, and so this program is based on being able to talk 21:57 about those things, but being able to connect and friendship 22:00 on that journey, and it's just powerful. 22:03 It's powerful. 22:04 And let me mention this real quick because you did mention 22:06 the call center. 22:10 like to recovery group resource kit, I know that we've used it 22:14 here at our church at Thompsonville. 22:16 It was very successful, but if you want to call the call 22:19 center, it's 618-627-4651. 22:25 Now, that'll get you to the call center. 22:28 Not tonight, though. 22:29 They're closed in the morning. 22:30 Yes, but if you want to text us, it's 618-228-3975, and 22:37 perhaps you'd like to e-mail it live at 3ABN.tv. 22:42 That's the last time. 22:44 And if you do the steps to Christ, make sure you e-mail 22:48 3ABN and let me know what you think. 22:50 I'm so...I just was... 22:52 Or e-mail you at TrueStepOffice at gmail.com. 23:01 TrueStepOffice at gmail.com. 23:03 It was the coolest thing I've ever done, and even at one 23:06 point when I was working with the General Conference, because 23:09 they hired me with Mission for the Cities, that the Ellen 23:12 White Estates read this and then asked me if they could put 23:15 it right next to the original in the Ellen White Estates. 23:17 Tell them what. 23:19 So, to me, at first, when I called and said, Can I do this? 23:23 And they said, Who is this? 23:24 And I said, Well, I'm a heroin addict in recovery. 23:26 They went, I don't know. 23:29 Make sure you put your name on it. 23:31 But after it was read, it was very much received well. 23:35 Let me read this. 23:36 Hi, Cherie, I love your programs. 23:38 They're synonymous. 23:40 Another one is, Kent, what was the title of the book on 23:44 dopamine that Cherie mentioned? 23:46 Dopamine Nation. 23:48 That's Dopamine Nation. 23:50 Yeah, Dopamine Nation, and it is... 23:52 And tell us about Dr. Limke, who... 23:54 So, Dr. Limke is... 23:56 She is somebody that has done a lot of research on dopamine in 24:01 the brain and what it does. 24:03 And I think for a lot of people, over the years, we felt 24:05 talk therapy is going to be the answer. 24:08 We thought that we didn't understand what happens to the 24:12 brain when you over-stimulate it with dopamine, when you 24:15 chase pleasure, and then what happens to the crash that 24:18 happens when all of a sudden pain is what you feel and 24:21 withdraw. 24:26 happens. 24:28 And her research is incredible. 24:31 The book, Dopamine Nation, is incredible in that it will take 24:35 you through healing in a very real way. 24:37 And there's even... 24:38 What happens in the brain is incredible, but we have a 24:41 diagram that I want you to look at. 24:43 It's a nerve that runs from the base of your brain through your 24:48 ears, through your neck, through your heart, and to your 24:52 gut. 24:52 And it's called the vagal nerve. 24:54 And that nerve, if we're damaged, it gets all messed up. 25:00 And so your gut's messed up. 25:02 And in your gut, your gut makes serotonin, not your brain. 25:05 A lot of people don't know that. 25:06 So the very thing that is going to make you feel good, some of 25:10 the antidepressants, the very thing is made in your gut and 25:13 then passes into the brain. 25:16 And so all of that vagal nerve makes a difference. 25:20 And so when somebody says, I want to heal from trauma, but 25:22 they don't take care of these things, the homeostatic thing 25:26 with the dopamine and the vagal nerve reset, is what they call 25:30 it, that you're fighting against your own body because 25:33 your own body remembers the trauma, holds onto the trauma, 25:37 and there's things that you can do to actually relax a little 25:40 bit, have that vagal nerve relax, and your gut then 25:44 relaxes, of course your heart relaxes, and all of those 25:47 organs they're finding communicate with each other. 25:52 You know? 25:56 well published, about the second brain is the gut. 26:01 Yeah. 26:03 You know, you've heard people say, well, I just got a gut 26:09 feeling about something. 26:10 Well, pay attention to your gut feelings because it sometimes, 26:14 the vagal nerve is picking up signals that maybe the frontal 26:19 lobe didn't pick up. 26:20 And even the Bible says in some places, the heart feels, or the 26:24 heart says. 26:26 We think it's just a nice same. 26:28 I think when we find God, when we actually are sitting with 26:31 Him, I think He's like, no, they communicate. 26:35 And that's what the newest research is, is that the heart 26:38 is the third, they're finding out heart has memory, so the 26:42 heart is the third brain. 26:44 So when we forget those things, like when somebody says, how do 26:48 I reset? 26:50 If I've been chasing dopamine, I've been drowning in dopamine, 26:53 I've been so afraid to deal with this other stuff, how do I 26:56 reset? 27:00 breaths, get outside, take a walk without your phone. 27:05 You know, people say, without my phone, are you kidding me? 27:07 But without your phone, get into some art, like I am really 27:12 getting into art and watercolor stuff. 27:14 When I go home this summer, I'm learning to sail, like you 27:18 can't take your phone with you. 27:20 So it's like being able to say, if I'm getting too much 27:23 dopamine here, how can I get it naturally and how can I get it 27:27 without having that rush? 27:30 And we're going to tie this back into the God of the Bible 27:33 here in a moment, but first, Dr. Limke makes a suggestion in 27:40 her book that you've got to go for abstinence. 27:45 Talk about the abstinence process. 27:47 So let's say that I am online all the time, like I'm 27:53 scrolling, I'm on Facebook, I'm on Instagram, I'm on all of 27:59 those kind of things all the time, and that's where I'm 28:01 getting all my dopamine from, because you can get a severe 28:04 depression if you're doing that. 28:07 I don't know if anybody else has felt that, I'm sure they 28:11 have, but it's like the crash on those and that sense of when 28:14 you're away from that, that sense of being disconnected, I 28:19 mean, that's very real. 28:20 So what she says is 30 days, go abstinence. 28:24 So like 30 days, don't go online at all. 28:28 And some people say, there's no way I can do that. 28:30 How about two weeks? 28:33 I can't do that, how about a week? 28:34 And then she will tell people even 24 hours, but if you go 30 28:38 days, you get your frontal lobes back, you get those 28:41 pleasure centers operating not fully yet, because that takes a 28:45 little bit more time, but you get that operating, and you 28:49 start to feel joy, you start to feel hope, you start to feel 28:52 connected again, and so what you have to do is whatever is 28:56 hijacking you and hijacking your pleasure centers, you step 29:00 away from that. 29:05 religion addictively, and even religion that can be done 29:08 addictively, and you can't step away from God, but you can ask 29:12 God to bring it into a balance. 29:14 So you really have to say, what has hijacked me, and how do I 29:17 get a good balance? 29:19 And am I willing, and that's the thing, am I willing to 29:23 fight for myself? 29:25 Am I willing to fight for myself to just get in my own 29:28 skin again? 29:33 doing this, it's so worth it. 29:34 It is so worth it. 29:36 We want to get to a few more questions, and thank you for 29:39 the questions you're sending in, and I want to tell you that 29:42 these, your names will be brought up in the prayer, in 29:46 our pastoral department, and prayed over these, this coming 29:49 week, but here's AJ saying, what is the best self-care to 29:56 take after narcissistic abuse? 30:00 My heart just goes out, AJ, narcissistic abuse is so crazy 30:05 -making, because everything in you starts to doubt everything 30:11 in you. 30:16 abuse, you're always fighting to kind of prove yourself, or 30:19 to, you over-explain, you know, there's so many different 30:23 things that happen. 30:24 So my feeling with narcissistic abuse is definitely a support 30:31 group, therapy, for sure, but I think a support group is 30:37 actually even better than therapy, is that somebody that 30:39 has those relationship addictions, or relationship 30:43 abuses, and that can, you can hear one story after another 30:46 after another, and with narcissism, a good narcissist, 30:51 and I've met them, a good narcissist will have you 30:55 question everything about you. 30:56 It's gaslighting. 30:58 You'll be gaslit. 31:00 There's no empathy. 31:03 I remember just, I hate, I won't even story-tell, because 31:07 I could tell lots of stories, but even we're at the end of 31:12 those relationships, you are even asking yourself, am I the 31:16 narcissist, and a good therapist will say if you're 31:18 asking that, more than likely you are not, but everything is 31:22 questioned. 31:26 perception, you begin to be defensive, over-explaining is 31:32 something that you will try to kind of defend yourself, and 31:36 you over-explain, instead of just yes or no, you've got to 31:39 explain why, and that takes a while to get back in your own 31:43 skin. 31:46 don't do it on your own. 31:48 There's many people, even like me, that will totally 31:51 understand what you're saying. 31:52 Don't get your advice from somebody that's never been 31:55 around a narcissist, because they will maybe place the blame 31:59 back on you, and you don't need that right now. 32:02 And here's what I want to say, if you think that you may be in 32:09 a narcissistic relationship, do your research, educate 32:14 yourself, if you even have a little hint, and then, like you 32:17 said, you can go on, because I have a friend who's been 32:20 through this, and it's the talk, the group sessions that 32:25 she keeps hearing these women who've been through it for so 32:29 many more years than she has, and she recognizes her own 32:34 behavior. 32:37 powerful woman, but she lost herself completely. 32:40 Literally, I remember seeing her at the end of that 32:43 relationship, and I thought she was a shell of a person, and 32:46 now she's gaining all of that back, but it's really tough, 32:50 because you can, in those relationships, feel like you 32:53 lose yourself completely. 32:55 But you don't. 32:57 I mean, it's a feeling that you have, you've been gaslit, your 33:02 confidence is gone, your ability to even do the same 33:04 work that you've done your whole life, all of that kind of 33:07 stuff, but I promise you, step into a group, step into 33:10 recovery, see a therapist that deals with people with 33:14 narcissistic abuse, and one step at a time. 33:17 There's incredible YouTube videos, even, with people that 33:20 specialize in that with women, so literally go online and 33:24 start educating yourself, because it is the hardest one. 33:28 I shouldn't say that, I'm sorry. 33:30 They're all hard, but it is a very difficult one. 33:34 Let me read, here's two here where I want to read. 33:38 This is so needed. 33:40 Thank you for sharing with us, or with me, says. 33:43 And then this is a wonderful question. 33:48 What coping mechanism can you develop to avoid flashbacks 33:51 from your trauma? 33:54 You know, what's really interesting is the biggest 33:58 thing for me was when I realized that even the 34:02 flashback is not life threatening, that I'm no longer 34:06 a child, and I had to tell myself the truth about that. 34:11 There's the abuse, and then there's a cardiac strip that 34:15 comes off the abuse of all the things that we believe about 34:17 ourselves and about the world and about what happened. 34:20 And I have to start letting God challenge every one of those, 34:24 because it's not true. 34:25 The flashbacks are horrendous. 34:28 The flashbacks are in the past. 34:31 I'm not being abused today. 34:33 I'm no longer five or three or whatever the age of that 34:37 particular flashback is. 34:39 And so in the moment telling yourself the truth, and I know 34:42 that that's not helpful to some of these flashbacks, but the 34:47 truth is going to set you free. 34:49 Be with somebody again that has the same kind of abuses where 34:53 you can kind of be able to call each other like, this is not a 34:57 good day. 34:58 I am really struggling with these flashbacks. 35:00 This is, I feel in my skin. 35:03 Remember I said when I was writing the book, I felt numb. 35:06 I couldn't feel my skin. 35:07 And it took four months to kind of cycle out of that. 35:11 My flashbacks now take minutes where they would take months, 35:16 sometimes even years. 35:17 Being stuck in one of those things where you can't feel 35:20 your skin is pretty serious. 35:22 But I, counseling support groups, the truth, the truth is 35:28 powerful. 35:29 You are no longer in that situation. 35:32 You are no longer that age. 35:34 You no longer are not able to take care of yourself. 35:38 All of those things will get you a little bit more strength 35:42 and a little bit more strength. 35:43 And I had to realize that I'm no longer three years old. 35:49 I'm no longer unsafe. 35:50 People around me are safe. 35:54 man, if somebody comes up and they say I want to hug you and 35:58 they don't feel safe to me, I don't hug. 36:01 I put my hand out. 36:02 And so I have the right to do that. 36:04 Even if that person gets offended or people around me 36:07 get offended, is I've learned to even monitor what feels 36:11 safe. 36:14 is so safe. 36:16 Right? 36:20 have people that I run across that don't feel safe. 36:22 But I am now able. 36:26 Boundaries. 36:27 I love the fact that I'm able to set those boundaries. 36:30 I went to a Celebrate Recovery group, a CR group, and did it 36:35 on codependency and boundaries. 36:38 And what was really interesting is I was so afraid to set a 36:41 boundary like they're not going to like me. 36:44 If I set a boundary with my mom, she would just tell me you 36:47 could leave. 36:48 I don't have to see you ever again. 36:50 But you know what I mean is I just didn't know I could do 36:53 that. 36:55 I don't have to be angry. 36:57 I just have to say yes or no. 36:58 I just have to know when I show up. 37:02 And I want to say one thing. 37:03 When we don't know that, my daughter one time said, Mom, 37:09 you've lied to me my whole life. 37:11 And I thought, I have not. 37:14 Like, you know, I couldn't even understand that. 37:18 And she said, because I was so beaten down, I would never 37:22 voice my opinion. 37:24 I would never say what I felt. 37:26 And so I showed up and said what everybody else felt or 37:28 what everybody else wanted me to say. 37:30 And she said, that's lie. 37:32 That's a lie. 37:33 You never told the truth. 37:35 And so when I made my amends, I made my amends to her and said, 37:39 I'm sorry that I've lied to you your whole life. 37:43 I just didn't feel like I had it in me to show up and be 37:46 myself. 37:47 And that's not her issue. 37:48 That's my issue. 37:49 But even when we don't show up and take care of ourself, it is 37:53 we're living a lie in a way that doesn't feel good to them. 37:58 And it definitely doesn't help us. 38:00 So when you learn to set boundaries and to show up and 38:03 be in your own skin, it's amazing. 38:06 It is absolutely amazing, but it's hard work. 38:09 And you know, this is something that when we do premarital 38:12 counseling, we always talk about boundaries because 38:15 boundaries define who you are. 38:17 And it's amazing how difficult it was, it is. 38:24 I'm still learning to set boundaries because if you've 38:28 grown up in that abandonment issues and all of these things, 38:32 it's like scary. 38:34 It is scary. 38:35 But boundaries are quite necessary for any healthy 38:39 relationship. 38:40 I have to say this, God is a boundary setting, boundary 38:45 keeping God. 38:46 That's what the Ten Commandments are. 38:48 He's a God of love and the Ten Commandments are boundaries to 38:54 show us how we can live an abundant life and love 38:57 vertically, love horizontally. 39:00 It's beautiful. 39:01 Ten promises. 39:03 I got to read this. 39:04 Dear Sri, I am so blessed by this program tonight. 39:08 Will this specific program be available through YouTube or 39:12 3ABN -TV anytime soon? 39:15 You bet it will. 39:17 And you can watch it on the 3ABN Plus app at anytime you 39:21 want streaming it. 39:22 It needs to be seen. 39:23 It is priceless. 39:25 And here's the comment that I hear quite often. 39:31 I find the Church can be one of the loneliest places on Earth 39:34 because we are afraid to admit our trauma because we can be 39:40 judged. 39:41 I want to say something. 39:43 Be careful who you talk with at church. 39:48 Just be sure that you're talking to someone who is 39:53 mature in the Lord and who isn't going to... 39:58 Sometimes people can talk to someone and then that person's 40:02 going, Oh, you need to pray for someone, so did you know? 40:05 And they're doing it under the guise of a prayer request. 40:08 And it's gossip. 40:10 Yeah, but even with that, what I've learned over the years is 40:14 I don't want to live that careful. 40:17 So, heal so that will not cause further injury. 40:22 So, do your healing. 40:24 Be careful who you talk to. 40:25 That's incredible. 40:27 But literally, I've been careful my whole life. 40:29 I've been careful my whole life. 40:31 I've not showed up in my own skin my whole life. 40:33 And so, sometimes I think if I walk in the Church and someone 40:37 decides to gossip about me, there's a new book that I love. 40:41 It's called Let Them. 40:44 Let Them. 40:45 It's not my business. 40:47 Right? 40:50 And at the end of the book, the last chapter in the book, it 40:53 says let me just enjoy my life. 40:55 So, there's something that I can't monitor what other people 41:00 do. 41:04 trauma. 41:05 I am you know I'm a little flaky, Shelley. 41:09 And I used to try to not be. 41:12 And it just was too overwhelming. 41:14 It's too much work. 41:15 But even that is that I just have to say that there are 41:20 people that I absolutely love that love me for exactly who I 41:24 am. 41:26 So, be careful about who you open up to, especially 41:28 initially. 41:29 But after a while, enjoy walking in the Church and be a 41:33 blessing to them. 41:34 And don't worry about it. 41:35 Amen. 41:36 And I hope that makes sense. 41:37 It does. 41:38 It does. 41:39 You have a question, honey? 41:40 Yes. 41:42 Comment. 41:43 Hello, Sheree. 41:44 I love you. 41:46 Virtual hugs to you, sister. 41:48 I take them. 41:50 May God continue to bless you and your ministry of educating 41:52 the public about trauma. 41:56 There's one more here. 41:58 Has Sheree used equine therapy? 42:03 Did she really ask that or he asked that? 42:05 Nope. 42:06 That's what it is. 42:10 years ago, 20 years ago, and they would not trust me for 42:14 anything. 42:18 And I laughed because I thought I'd never been on a horse. 42:20 I don't know anything about horses. 42:22 And they said, no, the vet is going to bring a horse for you 42:25 and teach you how to ride. 42:26 So I thought, oh, cool. 42:29 And so I went and they gave me a cowboy hat. 42:32 And I said, oh, I have a cowboy hat, but I don't have any 42:34 horses. 42:39 And I didn't have a place for the horses. 42:41 And this woman said, I'll keep the horses until you get a 42:43 place. 42:44 God gave me a place in three months. 42:46 I was driving down the street. 42:48 This is a place. 42:49 The guy said, I own this place outright. 42:51 I can do whatever I want to. 42:53 And pretty soon I'm living in that place. 42:55 And the nine horses were shipped there before I got 42:58 there. 43:01 we figure out how to do this. 43:02 But anyhow, so I started doing equine therapy with children. 43:07 And it was the most amazing thing. 43:09 And then with veterans with PTSD and CPTSD with children. 43:14 And within And somebody's out there going, what's equine 43:18 therapy? 43:22 how to ride, even though that's part of it. 43:24 But you use horses as therapy. 43:27 As when somebody learns to trust an animal that that's 43:30 that big, they actually learn to trust in a way that will go 43:36 over to the people around them or to their lives or whatever. 43:39 And so you just teach trust and you teach patience. 43:42 And you teach ADHD kids not to run up to the animal and how to 43:46 be aware of their own body. 43:47 And so it's using horses is therapy. 43:50 And we use Pirelli, which is a friendship kind of thing where 43:53 you actually connect with the horse in friendship. 43:57 And it's so healing. 43:59 It's unbelievably healing. 44:01 And so one day I'm out there. 44:02 I'm out in six acres that God gave us on this ranch. 44:06 And I'm out there and I said, God, what you're doing for 44:09 these kids is absolutely amazing. 44:12 And I hear the Holy Spirit say, oh, you think I did it for 44:15 them. 44:17 And I thought, no way. 44:19 And so God reminded me when I was a little girl, I dreamt of 44:22 horses. 44:23 But I lived in a drug. 44:25 You know, my house was a mess. 44:27 And so I dreamt of horses. 44:29 And now I'm in a place that's my own home. 44:33 And I have nine horses and I get to walk out and hear them 44:36 eat and walk around. 44:38 And I had one horse that was so intuitive with people that he 44:41 would literally walk up and put his head in their chest and let 44:45 them just breathe. 44:47 I mean, horses are amazing in therapy. 44:49 So thank you for asking that. 44:51 It's absolutely amazing. 44:53 And studies say that if you can form a relationship with a 44:58 horse in about 15 weeks, you actually will start to heal all 45:03 of that stuff because you just get in a space where you start 45:07 to trust. 45:12 that God is close to those who are broken in spirit, those who 45:17 are brokenhearted and crushed in spirit. 45:20 And just remember that God is intimately present in your 45:26 pain. 45:27 He understands your pain and he wants to heal the 45:31 brokenhearted. 45:32 He says and find up their wounds. 45:35 Yeah. 45:39 11 minutes and I just have to say something that's really 45:42 important to me for people that are learning to trust God with 45:46 this kind of stuff because it's hard to trust God that you 45:50 can't see. 45:51 But God two times intervened in ways that were unbelievable. 45:56 One of the ways I was saying, yeah, I keep feeling like not 46:01 enough or less than the people around me and we're all doing 46:04 speaking and doing different events and I said, is that ever 46:09 going to go away? 46:10 And he shows me an image where I was in the bathtub as a three 46:14 -year -old waiting for my dad to come in and molest me. 46:16 And so, I mean, it wasn't a time at all and my sisters were 46:20 there and we were all waiting and the water was freezing cold 46:23 and then all of a sudden I feel like God kind of walked into 46:29 that image and put his hand out and said, can I get you out of 46:32 the tub because you're no longer waiting to be molested 46:36 or abused and I want to pull you out of the tub. 46:39 And I just remember that sense of the invitation was extended 46:43 that God said, I want to pull you out of all that. 46:46 I can't change the past but I can definitely give you 46:51 everything that you need to survive it. 46:53 And so, I think that we've got to let God and so there's 46:55 another time that he showed me I was a three-year-old dancing 46:58 in my parents' house was a mess and dancing and just kind of 47:03 twirling around and my mom was laying on the couch and my 47:07 stepdad was smoking weed marching at a football game or 47:09 something and I was trying to get anybody's attention and I 47:12 was just a little kid. 47:13 But what I saw in the image without seeing anything I don't 47:17 know how God does that but what I saw was this beautiful three 47:20 -year -old and I was shocked. 47:22 I thought I didn't think I was cute I didn't think I was 47:25 beautiful because I wasn't loved at all so I didn't think 47:30 that and God said you've always been beautiful in this abnormal 47:34 place. 47:35 So he didn't shame my parents he just said in this place that 47:40 was difficult and then the next thing I felt like I saw was me 47:44 dancing in the most holy place in front of God. 47:47 He said if you want to dance for anybody if you want to come 47:50 and run around and laugh with anybody come here. 47:52 The curtain was ripped for you to come here and so we think we 47:57 make it into something that it's not. 47:59 It's my father's saying the curtain was ripped for you this 48:03 was done for you I want healing beyond what you can imagine 48:06 abundantly. 48:08 I want you to enjoy your life but we can't because we're 48:10 afraid to heal we're afraid to say to somebody what our trauma 48:15 was or who we are and that kind of stuff and God says don't be 48:19 afraid. 48:22 sitting in the church afraid to say to their seat mate man I'm 48:28 scared today. 48:31 So it's like being able to not be afraid. 48:33 We've got to rip off the mask. 48:35 And even rip off the mask in order to see who the person is. 48:40 I want to know you. 48:41 I want to have you know me. 48:44 I am a woman of God and I love that. 48:47 Some days I'm going to get hit with something hard. 48:50 I'll deal with it I'll grieve with you and then let's go to 48:53 the beach or something. 48:57 everybody is so silent in their secrets. 49:00 And this ties into this question that came in what role 49:03 does the church community play in someone's long term 49:07 recovery? 49:09 You know it only plays if we're willing to be real enough with 49:12 each other. 49:12 I am the church. 49:14 You are the church. 49:15 And so we're looking for this kind of hypothetical group that 49:19 is going to do something. 49:20 No we are going to do it. 49:22 And so that as we heal and we can look at each other we're 49:26 going to be there for each other. 49:27 But I think there is a change that has to happen in the way 49:31 we speak on trauma. 49:32 The way we how informed we are with trauma and what we decide 49:37 the energy that we bring to the building because I am not 49:41 waiting any longer for the pastor to do it because 49:43 sometimes a pastor doesn't know how. 49:46 Right? 49:46 But I'm going to walk in and do it. 49:48 Like I I'm just going to walk in. 49:50 Like I found a new church because I just moved to 49:54 Huntington Beach but I found a church and I walked in and 49:57 about five or six people I just put my hand out and I said it's 50:00 really nice to meet you. 50:01 And I think it surprised them. 50:02 Well later on that day I'm invited to a Passover feast at 50:06 this Hebrew couple's house. 50:07 It was the most magical thing I've been through in my life I 50:10 think. 50:14 because sometimes they don't. 50:16 Right? 50:19 Nice to meet you. 50:20 And so my sister said did they know you were Sherri Peters? 50:23 Is that why? 50:24 No. 50:24 Nobody knew me. 50:25 They didn't know me. 50:27 They just knew I was friendly. 50:30 Amen. 50:31 This is a great scripture, Galatians 5.1. 50:34 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. 50:38 Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened 50:42 again by the yoke of slavery. 50:45 Powerful. 50:46 Powerful by that yoke of slavery. 50:49 So even in Ephesians, one of the things that got me in 50:52 Ephesians when who wrote it? 50:55 Was it Paul? 50:57 When he said to fight against the schemes of the devil. 51:00 And I thought to myself what are the schemes of the devil? 51:03 He didn't fight against the devil. 51:05 Fight against the schemes. 51:06 So the schemes in my life is to say you're a bad seed. 51:10 You're not lovable. 51:11 You're never going to have anyone respond. 51:13 Somebody else, the scheme would be something else. 51:15 Right? 51:16 And so each of us has schemes. 51:18 And literally when God says take every thought captive, 51:21 fight against the schemes that the devil throws at you because 51:24 they are lies and they will keep us in bondage. 51:26 And the blood of Christ really did happen in Passover. 51:31 It says to bring us out of Egypt or bring us out of these 51:33 lies and these traumas. 51:34 But we can't even see them if we believe lies. 51:38 We just can't see them. 51:39 So I'm saying to my brothers and sisters, everybody that's 51:42 asked these questions, stop believing lies. 51:46 You are an incredible man or woman of God and loved with an 51:50 everlasting love. 51:50 And that is healing in and of itself. 51:53 And it's tough to walk into that because for one, I thought 51:56 I was a bad seed. 51:58 But you know, here's what I say is that you you're not who you 52:02 think you are. 52:04 You're not who others say you are. 52:06 You are who God says you are. 52:07 And anything that you believe about yourself that doesn't 52:11 line up with what God says about who you are in Christ, 52:15 that's a lie of the devil. 52:16 Amen. 52:21 after resurrection, he didn't say this is who you are in this 52:24 journey here the day after resurrection. 52:27 That's who I've always seen. 52:28 The world has lied to you. 52:30 I've always seen you here. 52:32 And so to me, we have to believe him. 52:34 Real quick. 52:35 We got to get this one out. 52:37 What do I do when I feel stuck? 52:39 You're talking about standing firm. 52:41 What do I do when I feel stuck in a cycle of relapse even 52:45 though I want freedom? 52:47 Amen. 52:48 That's the hardest place to be. 52:49 And it really is like I don't want to discount that place at 52:53 all. 52:59 support group around you. 53:00 I have friends that if I'm getting hit with something I 53:03 can call and I can call and say, Hey, Joe, please pray for 53:09 me. 53:10 Or this is what's happening. 53:11 And so you've got to start opening up. 53:14 And some people have no one. 53:15 Some people have not opened up honestly to anyone. 53:18 And I don't blame you because it is really tough. 53:20 Our traumas are tough. 53:22 But that's what you have to say. 53:24 God help me to confront that in myself. 53:28 Sometimes recovery groups will allow you to come. 53:31 They don't care if you come high, come high but come so 53:34 that you can start those support groups for when you 53:36 need them. 53:37 Go to a Bible study. 53:38 Go to a knitting class. 53:39 Do a bowling team. 53:40 You know, I don't care what it is. 53:42 Pick a ball. 53:42 I love it. 53:47 you that you can connect with and call when you're struggling 53:50 because you will not be able to pull your own bootstraps up. 53:54 I know that that's a popular saying, but man, I don't see 53:57 anybody doing it well. 53:59 Well, let me read this one right here. 54:00 This is from Terry in Ohio. 54:03 Hi, Terry. 54:04 Hi. 54:07 your work. 54:08 You have touched thousands and we're all crazy about you. 54:12 Again, thank you for being open, true, and being someone 54:15 willing to be God's hand walking us through a valley. 54:18 Thank you, Terry. 54:20 Beautiful. 54:25 someone out there who's hurting because they can't open up or 54:29 they haven't opened up. 54:30 I like what you talk about. 54:32 You know, it was very difficult for me and I think emotionally, 54:39 I've always seemed really even -keeled, but I hid a lot in my 54:43 heart for a long time and it was hard to open up. 54:46 You know, I want to say for anybody that feels like they 54:49 are stuck and it's difficult to open up. 54:52 Man, I get that. 54:54 But it's difficult to stay where you're at. 54:56 Do you know what I mean? 54:57 And so you have to pick your heart. 54:59 Which is going to be harder for me to five years from now say 55:03 the same thing and be in the same place or for me to say, 55:06 here's some steps that other people have made before me. 55:09 They are difficult. 55:10 They scare me to death. 55:11 My palms sweat. 55:12 I don't know if I can do it and do it anyway. 55:15 Do it anyway. 55:16 Because right now I was stuck for so many years in a place 55:21 that I didn't belong. 55:22 I did not belong in a place where I was not loved, not 55:25 lovable, surrounded myself with people that couldn't love me 55:30 and then I just got more and more stuck and more and more 55:33 discouraged. 55:36 Here are the steps and follow them. 55:40 And so that's why support groups are so incredible. 55:44 Bible study groups, if you have somebody around you that has 55:47 done the journey before you, ask them, what did you do? 55:50 And then do it. 55:52 And it's horribly hard. 55:54 But it's horribly hard to stay where you're at. 55:57 Pick your heart. 55:59 I promise you every step that you make you do the step and 56:04 God will do the blessing. 56:05 You do the step and God will do the blessing. 56:08 What he showed me is I am an incredible woman of God. 56:12 And I don't say that to brag. 56:14 I say that because it's just the truth. 56:16 Do you know what I mean? 56:18 And I know it's the truth for you. 56:19 And I just pray that you get there. 56:23 You don't have to reinvent the wheel. 56:25 Other people have done the steps. 56:27 They know what to do. 56:28 Read it. 56:29 Listen to it on YouTube. 56:31 Ask somebody in the recovery community and do it. 56:35 Sherrie Peters, we love you so much. 56:37 Thank you for being here. 56:39 And if you want to get in touch with Sherrie, you can email her 56:43 at truestepofficeat gmail.com. 56:48 Thank you for being here. 56:49 Our prayer for you, thank you for being with us. 56:52 And our prayer for you is that the grace of our Lord and 56:55 Savior Jesus Christ, the love of the Father and the 56:58 fellowship of the Holy Spirit will walk you through this and 57:02 be with you always. 57:04 God bless you. |
Revised 2025-04-18