Participants: Neil Nedley, Rise Rafferty
Series Code: WM
Program Code: WM000376
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00:34 Welcome again to "Wonderfully Made"
00:37 We have Dr. Neil Nedley with us again, 00:39 and Dr. Nedley is not only an internal medicine physician 00:42 with his own private practice, 00:43 he is the husband of a beautiful wife, 00:46 and he has 4 boys... Right? That's right! Wow 00:50 What spurred you on, Dr. Nedley, to take your 00:53 expertise and knowledge into the public health education field? 00:58 Well actually it started at a rather young age 01:02 before I became a physician. 01:04 When my father was having some health problems, 01:08 and he changed his diet, and his lifestyle significantly, 01:11 and I ended up with a new father! Hmmm 01:14 He was energetic. He was healthy. 01:16 I could see a dramatic difference in his life... 01:19 And so I knew there was a lot to nutrition and lifestyle 01:22 and health, because I experienced it in my 01:26 own father's case... 01:28 And, of course, he would talk about it as well 01:30 and he would teach us about what he did, 01:31 and how things changed. 01:33 And so when I was going through medical school, 01:35 and going through my training, 01:36 I always had that emphasis there because 01:39 of the personal experience... 01:40 And then, I would try to relay that to others, 01:44 and my patients would take hold of it... many of them, 01:47 and have dramatic improvements in their life as well. 01:50 And so some of the most gratifying things I've done 01:53 as a physician, is to help people recognize 01:57 there's a better way of living... 01:59 And to also help them to make and STAY with 02:02 those positive lifestyle choices. 02:04 A lot of times, people THINK they know a better way, 02:06 but they're not able to accomplish it, 02:09 or put it into their life. 02:11 And so, my emphasis has not only been just information, 02:15 but also how to apply that information in a very 02:19 winsome way that will help them live a better life, 02:22 and not be having to grieve over the process of change. 02:25 That's wonderful... So you enjoy being a teacher 02:28 that motivates. Yes, I do! 02:30 Today's subject is going to be about addictions... 02:33 And believe it or not, even addictions are learned, 02:36 and they can be unlearned... 02:37 And Dr. Nedley is going to share with us some of the ways 02:39 we can unlearn our addictions. Yes! 02:42 Addictions are a false way of altering the way you feel. 02:48 Whether it's alcohol, whether it's tobacco, 02:51 whether it's pornography, internet addiction, 02:55 the common characteristic of that addiction is... 02:59 it's a false way of altering the way they feel. 03:02 First, people do it to get high. 03:05 And then, over the course of time, 03:07 they're no longer getting much of a high off of it 03:10 and so then they do it to get numb. Hmmm 03:13 And to really numb their pain, 03:15 because the withdrawal periods are associated with 03:17 significant pain. 03:19 And so, that is really the setup for addictions. 03:23 And there are other common characteristics of 03:28 these addictions... 03:29 such as a need for increased amounts over time. 03:33 Characteristic of getting a tendency to relapse 03:37 if you're off of it for a while, and you do overcome... 03:40 there's a strong tendency to relapse back into it again... 03:44 And then, of course, it affects the patient in a detrimental way 03:48 or the person in a detrimental way... 03:49 Or it may not affect THEM so detrimentally as the society 03:53 around them, and how that addiction is affecting 03:58 the society in regards to their relationships and how 04:01 they're relating with people, etc. 04:03 So a young kid, maybe just wanting to experiment with 04:06 a cigarette... smells bad, tastes bad 04:09 You know, initially, you have all that negative 04:12 that you experience with it... 04:15 But it gives you that HIGH! 04:17 You're like... "WOW, it made me feel good. " Right 04:20 And so then your brain remembers that... That's right 04:22 And so you start using it more, but you're saying 04:25 that not only that same amount doesn't give you the 04:27 same amount of feeling... 04:29 You have to use, more and more and more. 04:30 Over the course of time, there is usually need for increased 04:33 amounts, and that's why a lot of people just don't 04:35 stop at one cigarette a day. 04:37 It's very rare to find a person who's just smoking one a day. 04:41 They have to do it multiple times a day, 04:42 and some go so far as smoking 3 packs a day. 04:45 That's expensive. 04:47 And some will even wake up in the middle of the night 04:49 and have a cigarette. Hmm 04:51 That's how addictive it can be. 04:54 There is, of course, new addictions as well... 05:01 You know, the tobacco addiction has been around for a long time. 05:05 Right... you mentioned internet addiction. 05:06 Yeah, internet addiction. 05:08 In fact, there are some society changes that 05:11 tend to occur with internet addiction. 05:12 People will spend less time with their family 05:15 and with their spouses. 05:16 They'll find excuses sometimes to be alone with the internet. 05:21 Often their sleeping patterns will change... 05:24 They'll tend to stay up later at night with the internet. 05:28 And, it's actually now qualified in the psychiatric bible as 05:32 as a bona fide addiction... the internet addiction. 05:36 And often these people spend time not only with entertainment 05:40 on the internet, or game-playing but also chat rooms 05:44 People who spend significant amount of time in chat rooms 05:48 often are highly addicted to the internet. 05:51 So what classifies, or defines something as an addiction? 05:54 Obviously, it's not just a substance 05:56 if we can get it through an internet. 05:58 Yes, that's right... it's not just a substance. 06:01 There are several different classifications 06:06 Basically, the 6 common characteristics of addictions 06:10 that I've mentioned... if have 3 or 4 of them, 06:12 it qualifies. 06:14 So if there's a need for increased amounts, 06:16 or if you've experienced withdrawal, 06:17 that would be 2 of them right there. 06:20 The false way of altering the way you feel... 06:22 Of course, that would yet be another one, the detrimental 06:24 effect on that person, or on their society 06:27 would yet be another one. 06:28 And so, basically, we count them up, 06:30 and if there's at least 3 out of those 6, 06:33 then that would qualify for an addiction. 06:35 So when you feel compelled to drink, 06:37 or to go to the internet, or to have another cigarette, 06:40 you can pretty much know that you're on 06:41 danger ground... Exactly, yep, you're pretty much there. 06:44 You're probably on danger ground even before 06:45 you get to that point. That's right. 06:46 You're on danger ground probably long before that point. 06:50 So, tell me a little bit about the stages that people 06:54 go through in relation to wanting to change... 06:57 Well, there are 4 stages of change. 06:59 This is in a positive sense, 07:02 so once they realize that they're addicted to something 07:05 and they realize that addiction is bad, 07:08 then there's usually some motivation to change. 07:13 So what they will be first, 07:15 stage 1 is consciously incompetent... 07:20 I should say UNCONSCIOUSLY incompetent 07:23 In other words, they don't know that they're doing bad... 07:26 And they don't know it's bad for them. 07:27 A common addiction that's associated with that is caffeine 07:30 There's a lot of people that have a caffeine addiction 07:33 but actually don't know that caffeine is harmful 07:37 for that individual. 07:40 And so, they will often not learn about that 07:44 until later on in life, and then at that point, 07:47 they will have some motivation to go to stage 2 07:51 Stage 2 is when you become consciously incompetent. Okay 07:57 And that means, you haven't changed your lifestyle yet 08:00 but you are seriously thinking about changing your lifestyle 08:04 and you NOW know at least it's bad. 08:06 You're aware that this habit is self-destructive... That's right 08:09 Information is very useful in that regard... 08:12 In fact, information is what good, solid, truthful 08:15 information is what's going to change you 08:17 from stage 1 to stage 2 08:19 And the Bible even mentioned that... 08:21 God said... My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge 08:26 And so good, solid knowledge is very important 08:30 and it's not THE most important part of change, 08:33 but you HAVE to HAVE that in order to change. 08:37 I think a lot of humanity are unwilling to FACE... 08:39 "Hey, I have a problem with alcohol"... That's right 08:42 "Wanting it every single day after I get home from work 08:45 and I'm not a bum. " 08:46 "I'm not on skid row living in a cardboard box. " 08:49 "I don't have a problem" Right 08:50 But maybe becoming AWARE that there is a problem 08:53 and being willing to admit it 08:56 is part of moving on to that second step... Absolutely 08:58 And also recognizing that even moderate alcohol consumption 09:01 is harmful... 09:03 You know, one drink every 15 days in a woman will increase 09:07 the risk of breast cancer by 60% 09:10 Just moderate drinking increases the risk of colon cancer. 09:14 And moderate drinking also increases the risk of accidents 09:18 and in decision-making ability. 09:21 And so, once people recognize even the problems with 09:25 so-called moderate drinking, and they're informed about that 09:28 ...that's when they're going to say, 09:30 "Well, you know, maybe I should consider changing this, 09:33 and going to stage 3" 09:35 So first they become consciously incompetent... 09:38 In other words, they still haven't changed, 09:39 but at least they're conscious that it's not the best. 09:43 ...And then they move to consciously competent 09:47 And that's complex... and it sounds simple 09:50 but in most people, it's a complex change 09:53 Because it's not something that's natural for them 09:57 because they have habits that are ingrained. 09:59 Plus, I have a friend who, 10:01 she drinks because she's so stressed out. 10:03 She does come home from work, 10:05 and the first thing she turns to is the alcohol 10:08 because she has no other way of knowing 10:10 how to deal with her stress, 10:11 and this apparently seems to work. 10:13 Yeah, and you know, it's a false way of altering 10:15 the way she feels, so she FEELS less stressed out 10:18 ...she's NOT REALLY less stressed out. 10:21 The way of being less stressed out would be to alter her 10:24 thoughts and line them up with what's accurate 10:28 or to change some things in her life... utilizing 10:31 those thoughts to positively progress... Um hm 10:34 And those would be far superior than just 10:37 taking a substance to now all of a sudden 10:39 say that "I feel less stressed" 10:42 because that's not going to help in the long run at all... 10:45 And even in the short run, it appears to be helping, 10:47 but it's not REALLY. 10:48 IN fact, it's preventing them from getting to the real 10:52 steps of coping. 10:53 Yeah, one thing I found VERY interesting, 10:56 was that while, for example, alcohol may initially 10:59 raise your serotonin levels, and give you that sense of calm 11:02 and maybe lower stress, and pleasure, 11:05 that actually, in the long run, 11:06 alcohol is defeating your very object of experiencing 11:10 less stress and experiencing more pleasure by actually 11:14 destroying and lowering those serotonin levels in the long run 11:17 That's right. Yeah, it can deplete serotonin levels 11:21 and it's one of the addiction hits that we call 11:26 that can lead to depression. Hmm 11:27 And so, it IS something that society needs be 11:31 more aware of and getting rid of... 11:33 But alcohol is not the only way, I mean many... 11:38 there are some that are probably more commonly 11:42 accepted in society that can be maybe not AS harmful, 11:46 but still harmful. 11:47 In women... chocolate addiction tends to be quite common. 11:52 Oh I know. I used to have it. 11:53 I'm an ex-chocoholic... Is that right? YEP! 11:55 All right, so you can understand... 11:57 I'm recovered, ladies... you can TOO! Ha, ha, ha, ha 12:01 So you can understand these stages of change for yourself 12:04 because you obviously had to 12:05 come to knowledge first to give that up... That's right 12:08 All right... what was the knowledge? 12:10 Um... the knowledge Well, I didn't like feeling 12:13 the out-of-control, 12:14 and then the knowledge of understanding how 12:17 damaging it was in the long run to my body... 12:19 And just asking myself the question... 12:22 "Why is it that you feel so compelled to eat this 12:24 all the time"... not just it tastes good... 12:26 You know, there are a lot of things that I eat that 12:28 taste good, but I didn't feel as compelled to eat it 12:31 So it took, for me, probably just a clean cut. 12:34 Not a nibble here, a nibble there, 12:35 I just... I clean-cut it out, 12:37 and pretty soon, I didn't feel the need for it anymore... 12:41 or desire for it as strongly. 12:43 Well, and that's exactly what I was planning on bringing up 12:46 is that's what needs to be done for all addictions... 12:49 is that clean-cut. 12:51 A lot of people think cutting down is the way of success. 12:54 It's not the way of success. 12:56 Whether you're an alcoholic, or whether you're a tobacco user 12:59 Yeah, one cigarette a day is better than 10, 13:04 but you're still giving yourself deep distressing sense 13:08 of deprivation often in between. 13:11 And so, you're going to lead yourself back into that again. 13:14 And so, what you need to do is make a clean cut 13:17 and then express your feelings in regards to the 13:21 joy of being free, and that your happiness now 13:25 is not at all related to that. Um hm 13:27 And as you focus in that thought, you know... 13:29 "I'm very happy and it's not at all related to that at all" 13:32 ...you're much less likely to get back involved 13:35 in that addiction. 13:37 I think it's really significant too, to understand, 13:39 like we mentioned earlier, that addictions are 13:41 learned and that your brain becomes wired 13:45 to WANT this substance. 13:47 But it also, by not having that substance for a period of time, 13:50 that wiring that seemed so strong, 13:52 and that just kept triggering... you know, "chocolate, chocolate" 13:55 or alcohol, alcohol... whatever it is, 13:56 can actually, that line can actually become weakened 14:01 through not using it. 14:04 That even became an issue with our clinical psychologist 14:08 a few years ago... 14:09 She started studying the effects of caffeine on 14:12 the brain, and she started recognizing that even probably 14:15 a lot of her family relationship problems were related to this. 14:18 And so, she recognized the problems in her own life 14:22 She was starting to have some palpitations, 14:24 and she said, "I'm going to give this up" 14:26 So, she became informed, she went to stage 2 14:29 Then she needed to go to stage 3, consciously competent 14:32 But to be consciously competent, 14:34 every time she was thirsty, she would think of "Pepsi" 14:37 ...that was her caffeine beverage of choice. 14:41 And she would say, "No, I'm not going to drink Pepsi. " 14:45 "I'm going to drink water. " 14:46 So she would go drink water. 14:49 And that whole day, she had to think... 14:52 "Thirsty" and then the first thought would be "Pepsi" 14:55 And then she would change that thought 14:57 and say, "No... water" 14:58 The next day, she was still thinking of Pepsi. 15:01 The next week, she was still thinking of Pepsi. 15:03 And it was until a month later, that when she got thirsty, 15:07 she no longer thought of Pepsi. Hmm 15:09 She was thinking of water. 15:11 And what she had done in that 30 days, 15:14 is that she had now moved from consciously competent 15:16 which is where you have to think about it 15:18 and make it part of your personal effort every time 15:21 To now it was unconsciously competent, 15:24 and that's when you know you have the really complete victory 15:28 there at your fingertips because now when she's thirsty, 15:31 she thinks of water. Um hm 15:32 And she enjoys water. 15:33 And she recognized the benefit of it, 15:35 and her relationships did dramatically improve. 15:38 Her health dramatically improved, 15:40 and so, she is far better now with her water beverage 15:43 than she was with caffeine, 15:44 and she's not even tempted. Good for her! 15:47 So the consciously competent phase 15:50 is the re-training... That's right 15:52 And it seems like we may have that strong pathway that 15:55 initially said, "Pepsi" but what she did was 15:58 maybe when that trigger went... when she was thirsty, 16:00 the trigger, instead of going "Pepsi," she started developing 16:03 a new habit, and training her brain to think "water" 16:07 And that takes a lot of effort initially 16:10 But what I hear you saying is that effort is going to 16:12 pay off because it's not always going to be difficult. 16:15 That's right, and I wish more people understood that 16:17 because what happens is that they will be in the 16:20 stage 3 and they'll be struggling 16:22 at maybe week 2 or week 3 and say... 16:24 "You know, I'm still thinking of that, 16:25 and I'm still struggling with it" 16:27 And then they might actually give up and go back to it... 16:31 and then say, "I can't do this, it just was NEVER easy for me" 16:35 "It was always hard, and I just seemed to be miserable 16:39 all the time... And so I'm just not going to do this" 16:41 And so they go back and forth between stage 2 and stage 3 16:45 and they never get the joy of stage 4. 16:49 And if they just would have stayed in it long enough 16:52 they would have been able to experience that joy of stage 4 16:56 And people in stage 4, by the way, 16:59 have a hard time understanding people in stage 1 and vice versa 17:02 You know, they'll see someone who's having 17:05 bad lifestyle habits, and say, 17:06 "How in the world can you seem to even enjoy that?" Right 17:10 For instance, the type of music that I used to enjoy... 17:15 And now when I hear it, it's so repulsive to me 17:19 and I see people enjoying it... it's kind of like 17:22 "There's got to be something wrong with them. " 17:24 "How in the world can they enjoy that?" 17:26 Well, they're in stage 1 17:28 They're unconsciously incompetent. 17:29 They don't realize that music, the adverse effects 17:32 it's having on them. 17:33 I'm unconsciously competent because I enjoy 17:36 types of music that's going to enhance things 17:39 and it doesn't have the addictive relationship, 17:40 and, by the way, there's a parenthetical note there 17:43 Things that are healthy by and large... 17:48 don't have the addictive potential... Hmm 17:50 You know, people that are obese, I deal with obesity a lot 17:53 And people will say, "Yes, you talk about the clean break, 17:57 you have to have that clean break, but I can't, 17:59 because I'm addicted to food. " 18:01 "And so, how am I going to make a clean break with food?" 18:04 "I can't live without food" 18:05 Well, they are addicted to certain foods, 18:08 but I have YET to see someone addicted to broccoli. Um hm 18:11 Yeah, that's seems like a hard one. 18:13 And broccoli is something that's nutritious, it's healthy, 18:16 but you can get enough of it 18:18 And if I actually told someone that they were 18:21 addicted to broccoli, there would be no 18:23 sweat coming off of them. 18:24 They might even enjoy broccoli 18:27 ...that they'd say, "Well, okay I guess I can get by 18:29 without that... And healthy things are that way! 18:32 And really, that's why this is all kind of a spiritual battle. 18:38 This is why spirituality and depending on a higher power 18:42 is so very important in overcoming addictions. Hmm 18:45 Because WITH addictions, you know, the devil tempts people 18:51 into thinking that when you do something that is 18:53 harmful for you, you're exercising your 18:56 freedom of choice. 18:57 You have freedom... you're a free moral agent 18:59 and so, you're going to have freedom to do that. 19:01 But with the things that he's tempting with, 19:04 he's actually taking away their freedom. 19:07 And so, they really don't have the freedom to 19:10 not smoke anymore UNLESS they get a spiritual resource to 19:14 take them from stage 2 to stage 3 19:16 They might even recognize smoking as bad 19:19 but their choice has been removed. 19:21 God's choices are not that way. 19:24 God's choices are of such that we can be completely 19:27 free and we don't have to sweat blood and tears and cry 19:32 when we are changing even healthy things in our diet 19:37 from one healthy thing to another. 19:39 And so we can be completely free with God's plan. 19:44 So there are 2 things I hear you saying here... 19:45 One, that the substances or the things that actually produce 19:50 addiction... they MUST somehow affect our neurochemistry 19:55 whereas the healthy things don't ... they don't mess with it 19:57 They keep it working harmoniously and... 20:00 Yeah, the healthy things can enhance neurochemistry 20:02 but aren't going to produce the BIG dopamine surge. 20:06 It's the dopamine surge that produces this pleasurable 20:10 sensation that is not based on anything real, per se 20:14 And so you get this big pleasurable sensation 20:17 for not altering your thoughts, 20:20 or altering anything you're doing, except 20:22 taking the substance. Um hm 20:23 And so people will start to DEPEND on that dopamine surge 20:27 where God's healthy things do produce a nice dopamine 20:32 benefit, particularly if we're in a pleasurable scene, 20:35 or we're camping, or we're eating some good, you know, 20:39 tasty broccoli that is seasoned appropriately. 20:42 We can get those pleasurable dopamine levels, 20:46 but not to the surge point 20:47 where we are going to end up feeling like we're 20:51 significantly deprived if we happen to NOT have 20:54 that broccoli, that's seasoned right, for one week... Right! 20:58 The second point that I think is really powerful, 21:00 and that is that the things that you once desired, 21:04 now you don't desire them anymore... 21:06 And I think there are a lot of people who may be experiencing 21:09 addiction, and they cannot imagine life 21:11 without this... That's right. 21:13 They can't imagine that they would never have this... 21:16 that even brings a little bit of fear, maybe, to them. 21:19 But there's a promise in Scripture that I think is really 21:22 worth understanding in this way 21:25 and it's the promise when God says that He's going to write 21:28 in our hearts AND in our minds, right?, the new laws. 21:33 A new law. Yes. He's going to not only 21:35 intellectually convict us... "This is bad for you" 21:38 That's right... "You shouldn't be doing this" 21:39 Can you imagine always living under that? 21:41 "I shouldn't be doing this. " "I shouldn't be doing this. " 21:43 "I shouldn't be doing this. " Yeah... 21:44 But still doing it! Right 21:45 But He also wants to write it in our hearts where the DESIRE 21:49 springs from... and so now, what's so beautiful 21:52 is the things that you had so much desire for 21:55 you no longer desire them, and the things that 21:58 ARE good for you, you DO desire them! 22:00 And that's the beautiful plan they're going to have. 22:02 And we can choose our own pleasure really... Right 22:04 A lot of people don't realize it but we have the ability 22:06 to actually choose our own pleasures. 22:09 When we stick with a healthier plan, we will actually enjoy it. 22:14 And we can actually enjoy food that we didn't enjoy before. 22:18 And, yes, that truth is a powerful motivator 22:23 to help change... 22:24 But, you know, saying that "I know I shouldn't do this, 22:28 but I'm doing it" ... that's where Paul was at 22:30 In Romans 7, he tells us about his terrible struggle 22:33 He was going between stage 2 and stage 3, 22:36 but then he recognized to stay in stage 3, 22:38 and then go to stage 4... 22:40 it required that spiritual dependence. 22:43 So Paul was struggling with knowing that something 22:47 was right to do, but not doing it, 22:49 or knowing it was wrong to do, and yet still doing it 22:52 And yet still doing it... Yeah, he had that same struggle 22:54 of going from stage 2 to stage 3. 22:56 And then he gives the answer in Romans 8... 22:58 of not depending on the flesh, but walking after the Spirit... 23:02 In other words, walking after the Spirit of truth 23:05 The Spirit is where the frontal lobe is... exercising his will 23:08 ...his spirituality depending on God to help him through that 23:11 process, and then he... Actually, it's like an airplane 23:15 taking off... He starts talking about his 23:17 elevated existence... Um hm 23:19 I thank God through the Lord, Jesus Christ... Exactly 23:23 He brought me through that. 23:24 And that's when David could say, "At thy right hand, 23:26 there are pleasures forevermore!" Um hmm 23:29 And Christ came and said, "I came to give you life, 23:33 and give it more abundantly. " 23:34 There are much better ways for us to live out there. 23:37 And these people that think that their existence 23:40 in any way, shape or form is dependent on something that 23:44 they don't need... 23:45 It's actually a pleasure trap. 23:47 Yeah, it's a pleasure trap. 23:48 And, you know, unlike broccoli which we do need, 23:51 or we need some of the nutrients in broccoli, 23:53 these addictive things we don't need! 23:55 And there's something that's true about anything 24:00 that we don't need, and that is whatever we don't need, 24:02 will NEVER satisfy us... 24:04 And that's why we can never get enough of what we don't need 24:07 The things we DO need, we can get enough. 24:09 We can drink enough water, and not be thirsty. 24:12 And there's not this urge to just go back to it 24:17 an hour we have filled up with thirst. 24:19 Or quenched our thirst, like there is with the 24:23 addictive substances. 24:25 So there is a pleasure and a satisfaction that comes 24:28 just from living maybe the way that God's plan... 24:31 Pleasure, satisfaction and a freedom. 24:34 Yeah, there's nothing more pleasurable than being 24:37 completely free and at liberty... Um hm 24:40 And you DON'T have freedom and liberty unless 24:42 you're following God's plan. 24:44 And it's kind of something that the human flesh can't understand 24:48 because they think freedom exists in doing things 24:51 that are harmful for them, and they're exercising that freedom. 24:53 But they don't realize that that freedom is going to be 24:57 taken away like never before. 24:59 But when they realize, that yeah, I can do this 25:02 but I'm NOT going to because I want to be completely free, 25:05 I don't want to be trapped, and have these urges 25:08 that I can't control... 25:10 there is a sense of freedom and pleasure that you 25:12 can't get in any other way. 25:14 That is right... I just thought of a Scripture that says, 25:17 "I will RUN in the way of your commands, for you have set 25:19 my heart FREE!" YES! 25:21 There's freedom in following God's plan for us, 25:23 and that's all He wants for us. Yes, absolutely 25:26 One other addiction I'd like to bring up that is a very 25:30 powerful addiction... studies show particularly in men 25:33 is the addiction of pornography... Um hm 25:35 It's become, I just heard yesterday, 25:38 20 billion dollars spent on the internet. 25:40 It is the #1 internet business. 25:42 People are doing it in private. 25:44 A lot of people, in their lives, 25:46 have no clue that they're doing it. 25:47 It can be SO addictive, studies show that even one exposure 25:52 to a boy, in SOME instances, will hook them. 25:55 And that is an addiction that also needs the clean break 26:00 You have to go through all 4 of the stages of change. 26:03 But one of the things that people that have been addicted 26:07 to these things that involve images is... those images 26:10 are there in their mind. 26:12 And occasionally those images come up, and they think 26:15 you know, in their brain, or maybe they'll see someone 26:18 provocatively dressed, and those images will 26:21 start coming up, and then they'll think... 26:23 "Oh, I've blown it. I've lost it, etcetera. " 26:26 But those images are there in the memory. 26:27 They're going to be there, but instead of 26:30 beating themselves up over it, they need to 26:32 recognize... "You know what, I am NOT dependent on this 26:35 ANYMORE... this is not a part of my life, and I am SO happy 26:39 that I am NOT that way. " 26:42 And so, those images will be expelled just as quickly 26:44 as they came, and if that process continues, 26:47 they're going to be able to go from consciously competent, 26:50 to unconsciously competent as well... 26:53 that if they happen to see an image that used to bring up 26:57 those type of feelings, they're going to be repulsed by it, 27:00 and say, "You know what? This is only for intimacy in someone 27:05 who is deeply intimate with me?" 27:06 "Why in the world, would anyone want to show me that, 27:10 or would I want to look at that when I don't even 27:14 know that person. " Um hm 27:16 And so they would be repulsed by it, and have the victory. 27:20 So, Dr. Nedley, let's say someone has gone through 27:23 all 4 of these stages, and they've overcome their 27:27 addiction successfully, and then they make a mistake... 27:30 Instead of throwing in the towel like a lot of people do, 27:33 and say, "Oh, it didn't work. It's not going to work for me" 27:36 ...they need to analyze that mistake. 27:38 See what guards were let down before that mistake 27:41 happened... set up those guards 27:43 and actually they will be much less likely 27:46 to make a mistake in the future. 27:48 They'll actually turn that mistake into victory 27:52 by analyzing it. 27:53 So instead of becoming defeated, they'll become stronger 27:56 as a result of it hopefully. 27:57 That's right and set it up as a beacon of warning! Very good 28:00 Thank you, Dr. Nedley, again for being with us today. 28:03 Thank you, Rise, it's been my pleasure. 28:05 We hope that this information will be a blessing to you 28:07 and that you'll use it in your life. 28:09 Until next time... |
Revised 2014-12-17