Urban Report

Making It Work

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Arthur Nowlin, Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin

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Series Code: UBR

Program Code: UBR000028


00:01 Relationships are difficult to navigate in this day and age,
00:04 today's guests are relationship experts...
00:07 Stay tuned to find out how you can make yours work...
00:10 My name is Yvonne Lewis and you're watching
00:13 Urban Report...
00:35 Hello and welcome to Urban Report,
00:37 if you watched Dare to Dream, our guests today
00:40 are not strangers to you,
00:42 they are the hosts of "Making it Work"
00:44 Dare to Dream's relationship Program...
00:47 Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin and Arthur Nowlin
00:49 they're here in the Studio,
00:51 not via Skype but here in the Studio with us.
00:55 Welcome to Urban Report, yeah...
00:58 Thank you, Yvonne... We're so glad to have you...
01:01 You guys are doing
01:03 such an amazing job on
01:05 "Making it Work" We appreciate that...
01:06 we are so blessed to have you as our hosts...
01:08 That's great, that's great...
01:09 I want to know... how do you two make it work?
01:12 Hmmm... Wow!
01:14 Prayer... It has to be...
01:16 I'm telling you Yvonne, prayer, and also
01:18 allowing him his own space...
01:19 you know... humor... being able to be open to that
01:23 he told me the other day... you know...
01:24 "I can't joke with you... " I said, "Yes, you can... "
01:26 you know, and after he walked away
01:28 I was kind of sad... I said, "that hit me... "
01:29 you can joke with me... you know...
01:32 but you've got to be open to the newness...
01:35 the possibilities of your relationship
01:37 and then he's a golfer... I'm not...
01:39 I'm a shopper... let's make it work all right...
01:41 Conflict... conflict... Is there a conflict?
01:45 Absolutely... Hmmm... no... no...
01:49 because I think... she spends more money...
01:51 shopping... than I do on golf...
01:53 Okay... all right... It takes a lot to make this work
01:56 all right... You know what I noticed...
01:58 and I really appreciated this...
02:00 you guys have such a great chemistry...
02:03 you know, you've learned to just kind of negotiate
02:06 navigate through everything...
02:08 and you've learned how to make it work...
02:10 and you're helping others... Praise God...
02:12 to do that... on the Program... Praise God... praise God...
02:14 Well, one of the things that didn't come easy...
02:17 it was trial and error... but the most important thing is
02:21 we kept trying... there were times when
02:24 we would just look at each other and wonder why or how
02:28 we would make it the next day... or that day...
02:32 but through the grace of God... He always allowed us
02:35 one particular... I guess... defense...
02:39 which I think is... we have the power of prayer...
02:42 and one of the things
02:43 that we decided a long time ago, Yvonne...
02:45 was the fact that... no matter what...
02:47 that we would pray about the situation before we go to sleep
02:52 no matter... if it's something
02:54 that was really jeopardizing our relationship that day
02:58 we would still pray about it... Hmmm... hmmm...
03:01 prayer is the "Only Thing" that has managed
03:04 to keep us together for all these years...
03:07 Oh yes... You know, it's so important
03:09 for our Viewers to hear this because sometimes they look at
03:12 people that are hosting Programs and they think,
03:15 "Oh well, their relationship is perfect... "
03:17 No relationship is perfect because no people are perfect...
03:20 That's right... So, there are going to be issues
03:23 every couple has issues... That's right...
03:25 and the fact that you have learned
03:27 that "prayer is the answer" and it's not just some
03:31 pat answer... No...
03:33 but prayer is the answer... because that's what
03:36 kind of helps you...
03:37 I would imagine that when you pray to together...
03:40 you can't really be that angry with each other
03:42 when you're praying for each other...
03:43 I know... sometimes he has reached out and I was angry...
03:46 to... you know... "Would you like to have prayer?"
03:48 and I wanted to say, "No" but the Spirit of the Lord said,
03:51 "I'm going to tell you the truth"
03:53 but I would take his hand
03:54 and sometimes I would take his hand like... whatever...
03:56 but the Lord said, "No, you can't be like that...
03:59 he can tell the difference... " but if I said... Hmmm...
04:00 but if you want good balance...
04:03 you can't do it without the Spirit of the Lord
04:05 and you have to release what your flesh is telling you
04:08 to do... because you have choices...
04:10 God gives us... He's a "free will God"
04:12 and He gives us a choice every day...
04:14 and I made a choice, I took those vows...
04:16 I made a commitment... you know, he's a loving husband,
04:18 and loving father, at times I'm very controlling
04:22 Hmmm... At times?
04:23 I knew he was going to say that, there we go...
04:26 and I can just take charge and make it work...
04:29 but we know our roles, we know where we are...
04:33 and he will say... "There are times, Kim, you know,
04:35 this is your strength... this is my strength...
04:37 and when my faith is weak, your faith is strong,
04:40 when yours is weak... I'm strong for you... "
04:43 and you've got to know how to have each other's back
04:45 that balance has to be there...
04:47 you've seen that little exercise
04:48 when you lean back into your spouse,
04:49 will they catch you...
04:50 some spouses let their spouses fall...
04:53 Wow... yes... okay, we've seen that happen...
04:55 but Arthur has been there to catch my back...
04:56 and he's always said,
04:57 "I need you to have my back, Kim... "
04:59 Yes... you know, that's been very
05:01 important to him... and, you know,
05:03 in our inner-cities...
05:05 the relationships
05:07 and the focus is so... usually it's just so twisted right now,
05:12 you know... what are some of the cases...
05:15 that... you guys practice... in Detroit...
05:18 That's right... and what are some of the cases
05:20 that you have in terms of relationship...
05:22 and relationship-building
05:24 and conflict and all that... what kinds of cases do you have?
05:27 One of the things that's prevalent...
05:30 and that stands out... to me...
05:33 is we find a lot of selfishness, Hmmm...
05:38 in the relationship... Hmmm...
05:40 people have gotten to a certain point
05:42 where the love is not as intense as it was in the beginning...
05:47 and what happens is that
05:50 they find other things
05:53 to occupy them and to make them feel comfortable
05:56 and somewhere along the line,
05:58 there's a division that occurs and if it's not addressed
06:06 then what happens is... it tends to go out
06:09 into different directions... and cause a lot of friction...
06:12 Hmmm... so, how do you get
06:14 that person back... or how do you get the marriage
06:17 back on track... and you know... sometimes
06:20 with the selfishness... there's a resistance
06:23 that exists... that really, really is the barrier...
06:27 to reconcile the marriage itself...
06:30 That's such a good point, so, how do you then...
06:34 when you have a couple that
06:38 was once connected...
06:40 and they have disconnected... it's usually so hard
06:44 to get them to re-connect... Hmmm... hmmm...
06:46 what kinds of steps do you take...
06:48 especially people who don't know the Lord...
06:50 Hmmm... hmmm... What do you do
06:52 with couples who don't know the Lord...
06:54 how do you get them back... what kinds of steps do you take?
06:57 The first step that we always emphasize is that
07:00 we have to increase our communication...
07:02 Okay... we encourage them to take a risk...
07:04 the risk is...
07:06 okay... where you know you're not doing
07:08 particular things... that you used to do...
07:10 now we're encouraging you to do
07:13 things that are going to assist you...
07:15 in salvaging your marriage... Okay...
07:17 Communication is one... and I know, Kim is very adamant
07:21 about a "Date Night" Date Night...
07:23 Okay, come on... come on... A Date Night...
07:25 don't mess with my Date Night now... our Date Nights are...
07:27 You guys have a Date Night? Yes...
07:28 I love it... we start off at
07:30 breakfast and then we go to Costco...
07:31 Oh wait a minute... now... wait a minute now...
07:34 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... wait, wait, wait, wait...
07:38 Okay, so you're into shopping right?
07:41 We just found out... that you're into shopping...
07:43 So, it kind of sounds like this Date Night
07:45 is a little bit... kind of... it's your favorite...
07:48 We detour and we... we end up at the Mall...
07:49 and we'll end up at the Museum Okay...
07:53 we've gone to the Museum together...
07:57 or the Park... on our way...
07:59 we were on our way to speak to do a "Family Life"
08:01 in Illinois... and we stopped to get
08:04 something to eat... and we stopped at a Rest Area...
08:06 and we didn't get a chance to do a Date Day... that day
08:08 so my husband pulled over... he said, "Let's have our picnic"
08:11 Oh, spontaneity... I love it...
08:15 Those are the things you have to remember...
08:17 why did you get connected in the first place...
08:20 why were you married... and something that I utilize
08:22 and it's really important in political propaganda...
08:25 "Before you can reconstruct... you have to deconstruct... "
08:27 Hmmm... explain... explain...
08:29 Okay now, what you do is... go in and tear off the layers...
08:31 Okay... Tear the layers off...
08:33 selfishness, that independence, the low self-esteem...
08:37 we got to get to the root of where this all started...
08:40 then we begin to reconstruct... Hmmm...
08:43 and we build up new layers... Hmmm...
08:46 so that you're going to look at yourself... differently...
08:47 It's interesting because from a physical perspective
08:50 as a Naturopath... you cleanse and then you rebuild...
08:53 That's right... so you're saying...
08:55 it's basically the same concept
08:58 you deconstruct and reconstruct...
09:01 Because you got to get all the waste out...
09:02 Yes... detoxify...
09:04 Detoxify... Girl...
09:05 and if you don't... it's going to come
09:07 right back in again... and it's going to poison
09:10 your relationship and you are going back to square one...
09:11 But let me emphasize once again...
09:14 risk... you know... because nothing happens
09:17 unless you're willing to change the behavior...
09:21 Hmmm... and that's very important
09:23 so we want to modify this behavior...
09:25 this behavior that's been causing us confusion
09:28 this behavior that's causing us all types of anger...
09:31 towards each other... so now, let's take a risk
09:34 to do something different... because if we both
09:37 if we both come to an agreement,
09:39 where we want to resolve our issues,
09:41 we want to have a happy marriage
09:42 okay so now... what do we need to do differently?
09:46 And I think one of the things that's really significant...
09:50 when our clients come to us is
09:52 we have to get them on the same page...
09:54 we have to let them know that from this point on...
09:59 whatever has happened...
10:00 you need to forgive that situation
10:02 and move on... if you're willing to resolve the issue...
10:06 If you are willing to resolve and that is one of the places
10:09 where they stay stuck... because, you know,
10:11 you did this to me... in one of our cases...
10:14 the wife committed adultery... Okay...
10:16 and when they came in... I was like, "Hi, how are you?"
10:20 married 4 months... it blew...
10:23 that's the kind of look I had... it blew me away...
10:25 Wow! and I guess...
10:26 there's no one perfect, you know Right...
10:28 but again... he found out by... she left her phone...
10:32 and he never had a reason to check her phone
10:34 for four and a half years... but this day...
10:36 he broke down in Church... she got out to go into the store
10:39 the phone was sitting there... he said, "Just... "
10:41 it was the Holy Spirit... because he would have
10:44 never known... and he confronted her
10:45 she lied... he got out of the car and started walking...
10:48 and they had an outburst right there
10:50 in the middle of the Freeway... and from there on... he says,
10:54 "If we don't get some help... " and so it's been a very hard
10:58 four weeks... they just started with us...
11:00 Hmmm... hmmm... and then... last week
11:02 she found out she was pregnant, by him...
11:04 Okay... but he says,
11:06 "Dr. Logan, how do I separate what she's done
11:08 versus being excited about the baby... "
11:11 Hmmm... And see, you're talking about
11:13 four years of being together
11:15 dating, and getting to know each other...
11:17 but what we found out was that...
11:22 even during the four years...
11:23 she was still engaged with her ex-boyfriend...
11:27 Hmmm... hmmm... You know...
11:28 So she has a monogamy issue, Yes...
11:31 she's not able to really commit to one person...
11:35 And then, digging deeper into the relationship...
11:39 and trying to help them resolve issues...
11:42 we found out that... at an early age
11:45 she was sexually molested... Oh...
11:46 And look at the family origin... That's right...
11:48 you always have to take that into account...
11:50 So when they come in, I say,
11:52 "Tell us the story...
11:53 tell me a story... Hmmm...
11:55 you know, part of my Clinical and Therapy
11:59 in my Speech Pathology... I took... Oral Communication and
12:03 Oral Interpretation and Storytelling Classes...
12:05 Okay... because when I preach...
12:06 I incorporate stories... both Arthur and I
12:08 incorporate stories... Oh, wonderful...
12:10 People love stories...
12:11 yeah... people love stories... Hmmm... hmmm...
12:13 so when they come in... I said, "First thing I do...
12:15 if we go through getting on this mission...
12:16 I sit back like this... I said,
12:18 "I'm listening... tell me your story"
12:20 Hmmm... So, when we talk about steps...
12:23 we're talking about "Communication... "
12:25 we're talking about "Taking Action"
12:27 and we're also talking about "Forgiving Each Other"
12:32 Yes... How do I... I've been...
12:35 I mean, I'm the "husband" now, I've been cheated on...
12:39 I've been with this woman for four years...
12:41 and when I say... because if somebody just tunes in...
12:44 they're going to wonder what I'm saying... Oh no...
12:48 Okay, let's say, I'm a wife... that had a husband that
12:51 was just consistently cheating on me...
12:55 how do I forgive that...
12:57 how... and two questions...
12:59 how do I forgive that... and then how do I rebuild trust
13:03 in this person that has consistently cheated on me?
13:08 And this is a very significant issue because this is so
13:12 ubiquitous.. Oh my goodness!
13:14 so many relationships have infidelity involved that...
13:19 it's just... I mean... it's everywhere, so
13:21 how do you forgive that... and how do you rebuild?
13:26 There's a Program with 12-Step Program in AA...
13:30 which is Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous
13:35 Hmmm... hmmm.. and one of the sayings that they
13:38 indicate to the people coming into the Program is
13:41 "One day at a time... "
13:42 Hmmm... okay, so you're living in the moment...
13:45 In the moment... especially when you're talking
13:48 about trust issues... Hmmm... hmmm...
13:51 trust issues that have been dissipated
13:53 and now we're at a point where we need to
13:56 re-engage and try to build that trust...
13:58 so, today
14:00 I'm going to love you
14:02 and today I'm going to support you
14:05 in everything you do...
14:07 and today... I'm not bringing up the past...
14:09 no matter what... No matter what...
14:12 and it's just like if an athlete
14:14 made a decision that they want to do well in a particular sport
14:20 they have to come up with a routine...
14:22 they have to practice... Hmmm...
14:24 and so... it's just like us... when we make a decision...
14:28 that we want to change behavior,
14:30 we have to implement the change
14:32 and practice it on a daily basis Wow!
14:35 but the most important thing that has to be established
14:39 even if you're not a Christian,
14:42 we still have to get to a point where we can share
14:46 and meditate with each other, prayer is recommended from us,
14:50 when they come into our office, we indicate to them
14:54 that this is a Christian Counseling service...
14:55 We've had Atheists come in...
14:56 Really... and what do you tell them?
14:59 They tell me, "I've tried everything else...
15:01 I don't want to do this but you came highly recommended
15:05 but don't talk about God, please... "
15:07 by, I mean, the fifth or sixth session...
15:09 they say, "We need to pray... " Wow!
15:12 "It is God... it is God... " Praise the Lord...
15:14 and God has sent them there... Yes...
15:15 I want to go back to something that I just said about
15:17 risk-taking... if you're taking a risk
15:20 to move forward... then you don't need to go backwards...
15:22 Yes... Oh, that's a great point...
15:24 I'm looking in the rear-view stop looking there...
15:25 you know... go forward...
15:27 and you made a commitment to go forward...
15:29 but this is what happens to a lot of relationships, Yvonne,
15:32 they pull that stuff right back again... that poison...
15:34 they forget to detox... you've done it... it's over...
15:36 Yes... and what I did last week...
15:38 he took all the phone records...
15:39 I said, "Bring all your phone records...
15:40 bring all the phone records... " and we went in
15:43 to the restroom in my office, and I burnt them...
15:46 Hmmm... they held them in their hands
15:47 and then they let them sink...
15:49 we threw them into the sea of forgiveness...
15:50 Hmmm... It is over, you know,
15:53 but what happened the next day...
15:54 he found out that she sent pictures of herself
15:57 nude to her boyfriend before... a day before the wedding...
16:00 he said, "Dr. Logan, as soon as I let go,
16:03 something else comes out... "
16:04 and I said, "Well, you know, that's the enemy's job...
16:06 okay... and we... and she can't change...
16:10 she doesn't remember everything,
16:11 but, I'm asking the Lord to expose her...
16:14 let the stuff come out... " Hmmm... hmmm...
16:16 because they're such a beautiful couple
16:18 and they love each other... but again, the forgiveness,
16:21 taking that risk... he has cried... he has cursed...
16:23 he has hugged...
16:25 I just separated them the other day...
16:27 Really... put them in the waiting lobby...
16:28 and now she's pregnant... you got to calm down...
16:31 and she has Lupus... so we got a lot of outside
16:34 contributing factors... It's got layers...
16:36 layers... All of these layers, you know,
16:38 we're not unidimensional...
16:40 so, when you're dealing with these issues...
16:43 you know, you got this issue, on top of this one...
16:46 on top of this one... and it is just...
16:47 It is something! It is something...
16:49 We want to show you something, okay...
16:51 "Arthur, I have been calling you for 10 hours...
16:53 where have you been?"
16:55 "Kim, it's not any of your business where I've been... "
16:57 "What do you mean... 'it's not any of my business?'"
16:59 "You know, because... "
17:00 "Why can't you pick up the phone don't talk to me...
17:01 don't say anything to me... " "See Kim, that's your problem"
17:03 "It's not my problem... " "That is your problem... "
17:05 "You're my problem... " "Now, Kim, I'm not your problem"
17:07 "You know what! this is why I want out... "
17:08 "The issues that you've been carrying in... "
17:10 "This is why we can't communicate... all right!"
17:11 "You don't want... no more... or no faster than I ever... "
17:13 "Whatever, whatever... okay"
17:15 "See, and you've been going to that pastor...
17:18 and talking about your issues,
17:19 and it's not doing you any good" "You know what!
17:21 one of us has got to go... and it's not going to be me!"
17:23 "Kim, I'm already gone... "
17:25 And that's what we see... Wow!
17:28 That's what we see...
17:30 That was intense!
17:31 We see it every day... one day, one of our staff person
17:34 I heard say, "Mr. Nowlin, Mr. Nowlin, it's very quiet. "
17:37 He says, "Stop it... " you know,
17:40 because he will let them go get it out and vent...
17:42 Hmmm... hmmm... because one of our rules...
17:44 "You can't discuss anything outside of the therapy session"
17:48 Hmmm... hmmm... you got to work on the skills
17:50 that we give you to work on... Hmmm... hmmm...
17:52 Not even in the car... Not even in the car...
17:53 Oh, so when you leave... when that couple leaves...
17:56 they don't talk about it, until they come back again.
17:59 Yeah, they work on other things
18:00 that we've given them to do...
18:01 Issues that were really brought up in the session...
18:06 where it causes a lot of pain,
18:08 we don't want them to talk about it
18:09 when they get in the car... and go home because...
18:11 it's going to continue to bring up pain...
18:13 and they may say something that really is difficult...
18:16 And they don't have the tools yet to negotiate this...
18:19 you know... so... because again...
18:21 before you can reconcile you got to reconstruct it...
18:24 you got to look at restoration, how can I restore something
18:27 if I'm not reconciled with it...
18:28 Yeah, and what you guys don't want them to do is...
18:32 is to continue that damaging pattern of confrontation
18:35 Yes, yes... the way they're confronting
18:36 each other is so damaging... Oh!
18:38 You can't take back some things, so it's better to just...
18:42 knock it... right... right... right...
18:44 How did you guys get into this kind of work?
18:47 You seem so well suited for it. Well... God...
18:50 Through the grace of God... Yeah...
18:53 I was doing things in the area of substance abuse and
18:56 doing workshops and seminars with
18:59 an agency that I was working for...
19:02 Kim was in private practice at the time...
19:05 and she was doing a lot of communication
19:09 what was it... Seminars, workshops, right...
19:11 "Speak for Success"
19:13 right... and different things I was doing
19:14 but what really brought me to this... was that...
19:17 my childhood... my parents... and we are very transparent
19:20 and on the Program... you've seen it...
19:22 you know, my parents went through a divorce when I was 12
19:24 and I wanted to understand...
19:26 and I had several speech impediments
19:27 so that's why I did a degree in Speech Pathology...
19:30 in Oakwood and A and M... and then...
19:32 Talk about sublimation... right Come on now...
19:34 Come on... come on... So I wanted to understand
19:36 what was wrong with me... why wasn't I connecting?
19:39 and then the Counseling was something
19:41 that I needed to understand, you know,
19:43 I wanted to get into the behavior modification
19:45 "Why couldn't my parents stay together?
19:47 What was going on in the household?"
19:48 Hmmm... hmmm... and then later on in life
19:50 I found out that my father was a substance abuser
19:52 through my husband... and I talk about that
19:54 because Arthur interviewed me for the new season...
19:56 Who was a substance abuser? My father...
19:57 Your father... okay... I didn't think alcohol was a
20:00 "substance abuse" I didn't think it was...
20:02 Oh... okay... because it wasn't talked about
20:04 in the Church... it was never talked about...
20:05 My background is "Substance Abuse"
20:06 I pointed out some situations and I had to provide her
20:11 with certain information and that's when the
20:14 "light" came on for her... Yes...
20:16 but one of the reasons we came together as far as
20:19 this counseling... I think in therapy...
20:22 we both were looking for an opportunity
20:25 to give back to our Community... Hmmm...
20:27 we saw a lot of devastation...
20:29 I think you and I were talking about that...
20:31 Hmmm... hmmm... and we wanted to offer more
20:33 and so we really talked in... we really came together
20:38 but we also recognized that both of us...
20:41 we had issues that we had to deal with
20:44 before we can go out and talk to other people...
20:48 Hmmm... That's right... shut it down...
20:49 don't try... you can do more damage...
20:50 And even along the way, Yvonne, along the way we clashed
20:55 and then all of a sudden, we would make a decision
20:57 of how we would resolve those issues...
21:00 but in the meantime... we're taking notes...
21:02 of what worked for us...
21:04 And then, you know, God is so good...
21:05 because every time someone comes into our office...
21:07 we kind of look at each other like...
21:08 "Did we just go through that...
21:10 did the Lord just deliver us from that?"
21:13 and the Lord said, "Be ye also ready... "
21:15 Hmmm... hmmm... and so, "many are called
21:17 but few are chosen... " when they don't accept the call,
21:19 so, when we get a case... I'm like
21:21 "Wow! did we just do that?"
21:22 I said, "That's Kim, my goodness"
21:25 when they leave... I'm going to say,
21:27 "Do you see what I'm talking about?"
21:29 We're dealing with a case right now...
21:33 Now this man is me... and the wife is Arthur...
21:36 I'm like, "Wow!" and I say, "Stop it... stop it"
21:39 Wow! isn't that amazing that God allows you
21:43 to also see yourselves in those that come in...
21:46 so that you can guide them... Yes...
21:49 That's part of maturity... we've got to be open to growth
21:51 and maturity... and a lot of times...
21:53 we don't want to grow...
21:54 we want to stay in our comfort zone...
21:55 Well, change is hard... Change is hard!
21:57 and it's uncomfortable... Yes...
21:59 you know... That's the risk...
22:01 that's the risk... Exactly...
22:03 Or you won't move right...
22:05 and then it impacts your self-esteem
22:08 you become depressed... the other layers come in...
22:10 and then in looking at other people who are progressing...
22:14 and now... you're hating on us
22:16 because we're doing things in our lives...
22:18 Yes... We found out that it's really
22:21 important for us to be transparent...
22:24 Oh yes... We don't want to give
22:27 the perspective that we know everything...
22:31 because we don't... but one of the things...
22:33 that is so significant to me is, I was talking to a friend
22:37 who is doing marriage seminars now...
22:40 Hmmm... hmmm... and yesterday,
22:41 he and I were talking
22:42 and we were saying that... as we continue to mature...
22:47 as we continue to be involved in relationships...
22:51 that we are constantly in change... you know because
22:54 we're dealing with different personalities...
22:57 Yes... even though I may reach a point
23:00 where I am trying to increase my knowledge
23:03 and develop certain skills to improve my relationship,
23:07 my spouse may be looking at things
23:09 from a different perspective of how she could increase
23:12 her knowledge and deal with things
23:14 in a different perspective... it doesn't mean
23:16 that we're coming together...
23:17 we could talk about coming together...
23:20 Hmmm... but still we grow differently
23:23 and it's really... it takes a lot of work for us
23:25 to move forward...
23:27 That's such a good point... that you grow differently...
23:30 the key is... even though you're growing differently...
23:33 you don't grow apart...
23:35 You got to keep it merged... You got to keep it merged...
23:37 Yeah... You know... and again...
23:39 a lot of people forget the tools they take away
23:42 and they put that flesh in there and it's the "I" syndrome...
23:46 it's all about what I want... No, we're a team...
23:48 and Arthur and I do this thing,
23:50 I thought we were on the same team
23:51 Hmmm... hmmm... and then when we got married...
23:53 and we're on the same team... well, you know,
23:55 why are we having this battle that we're pulling us apart...
23:57 and then how it impacts the children...
24:00 it's just... and again... the layers... and then
24:02 Arthur will say in a workshop or seminar...
24:05 "You have to be careful... your choice
24:07 impacts everyone else... it's like a ripple effect... "
24:11 Yes... Okay...
24:12 So often... and I read this in some books...
24:16 relationship books... that... you don't think that
24:19 your choices impact your family, so, you want this...
24:22 you want this extramarital affair,
24:24 so, nobody's going to know,
24:27 who really cares... it's not going to hurt anybody...
24:28 Well, yeah, it does... It does...
24:31 the whole family is affected... The Church...
24:33 Everybody... And if Satan can destroy
24:35 the family... he destroys the Church...
24:37 That's what's going on right now...
24:39 Yeah... oh yeah... he is targeting the family
24:43 that's why we have such dysfunctional families...
24:46 Oh yes... and we have single-parent
24:48 households... before we go...
24:50 I can't believe our time is all up...
24:52 I want to do another Program with you...
24:55 but, what do you see going on in the Church
24:58 that we're not really addressing...
25:01 what issues do you see in the Church...
25:03 that we're really need to focus on...
25:06 One of the things that's paramount...
25:08 is our relationship with our youth...
25:11 Hmmm... Our youth are...
25:12 Suffering... they are really perplexed...
25:15 as to... how they play a role in this Church today...
25:21 Hmmm... Kim works really well with our
25:23 young people... you know... I'm really impressed
25:26 and they have a lot of respect for her...
25:29 because she takes risks... and she goes...
25:33 and she participates with them and she speaks their language...
25:36 Hmmm... and they want somebody to be
25:39 upfront and real with them...
25:41 so we have to have a real relationship with our youth
25:44 and get them involved to the extent where
25:46 they can be on a Board Meeting, they can participate
25:50 in our different programs that we offer in a Church
25:54 instead of sitting back and being served...
25:56 they can participate to the point where
25:58 they are seriously involved as an active participant...
26:03 Hmmm... hmmm... Another issue...
26:04 is substance abuse... it's not really talked about
26:07 in the Church... abuse, domestic violence,
26:10 and incarceration...
26:12 Yes... are you guys doing workshops and things like that
26:17 tell us... we have like a minute and a half left...
26:20 tell us what you're doing...
26:21 Right now... we're working with two half-way houses...
26:26 Hmmm... In Detroit...
26:27 In Detroit... Michigan...
26:29 That's wonderful...
26:30 Both of them are male half-way houses and
26:31 we deal with substance abuse
26:34 and we're providing group therapy
26:36 tremendous results with these programs...
26:39 Praise the Lord... And then with the Family Life...
26:42 we're co-directors of the Lake Region Conference...
26:44 Oh... okay... and so, we're on the road
26:47 every weekend... providing support and help
26:50 and skills... and helping people know that "you're not alone"
26:54 Yes, yes... I can't believe our time is up...
26:58 you know what... I knew before...
26:59 before you guys came...
27:00 I knew that this was just going to be...
27:02 you just know... some interviews are going to be fun
27:05 and some are going to be kind of dry...
27:06 but you... saved by chance have been wonderful...
27:10 Thank you... for all you do for the cause of Christ...
27:12 We appreciate that... we love you...
27:14 We love you guys and are so appreciate
27:16 everything that you're doing...
27:18 We love you too... because you took a risk on us...
27:19 You took a risk...
27:20 Well, the Lord is so good... He impresses
27:22 as to who we should have and all that...
27:25 so God is good... and He provides...
27:27 Amen... Amen...
27:28 Well, we have come to the close of another...
27:31 I started to say, "Making it Work"
27:33 It's okay... Go ahead...
27:37 another Urban Report... thank you so much for tuning in
27:40 you know that the family is so important...
27:43 pray for our families... pray for our Churches...
27:47 pray for our young people, get involved in your Church...
27:51 in your youth groups... all of these things...
27:53 you must really, really know
27:56 that God has a special plan for you...
27:58 Join us next time... it just wouldn't be the same
28:01 without you... Amen...


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Revised 2015-07-09