Participants: Aaron Chancy (Host), Donald Owen
Series Code: TNJ
Program Code: TNJ000059
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:04 may be too candid for younger children. 00:10 Welcome to the New Journey, 00:11 a program where you'll meet real life people, 00:13 with real life testimonies, 00:14 doing real life ministry for Jesus Christ. 00:16 I'm your host Aaron Chancy. 00:18 Come join us on The New Journey. 00:52 Welcome back to The New Journey. 00:53 On today's broadcast we have with us Mr. Donald Owen. 00:57 Mr. Owen, we like to thank you 00:58 for being on the broadcast today. 00:59 I'm honored, it's privilege. 01:01 All right, all right. 01:02 Just for some general information, 01:03 could you tell us where you're from, 01:05 where you're born and raised? 01:06 I originally born and raised in Lapeer, Michigan. 01:08 Okay. 01:10 And few years ago, I tell you about 16 years ago, 01:12 moved down to Indiana. 01:14 And now reside in Benton, Illinois. 01:16 Okay. Okay. 01:17 What was your early home life like growing up? 01:20 I might say, we were... 01:22 My mother was tried to raise up the best she could. 01:25 She took us to Baptist churches. 01:26 My father, kind of, he fell away from church 01:29 at a younger age, in his early 20s. 01:32 So he really didn't have much to come to church, 01:34 he didn't come. 01:36 But my mom, she would take us to the Baptist churches, 01:38 different churches we bounce around. 01:40 She was actually raised Catholic 01:42 but since she married from outside her faith, 01:45 they excommunicated her 01:47 and so then she had become Baptist. 01:48 Wow. Okay. 01:50 You eventually got into 01:51 drinking and smoking a little bit. 01:53 At what age did you get involved in that 01:55 as well as what motivated that to lead to drinking as well? 01:58 I think it was more of a social thing. 02:00 I was always an introvert as a kid. 02:02 So I had a hard time connecting with people. 02:05 I think alcohol tends to obviously kind of, 02:08 in a sense numb you 02:09 where you can be more socially interactive 02:12 and you can talk to people you feel more open. 02:14 So I started probably about the age of 19, 20, 02:16 it happened more college years. 02:18 Okay. Okay. 02:20 You eventually, though you got addicted to pornography, 02:23 what led you to get involved in pornography 02:26 or be addicted to it? 02:27 Well, I think it's about the age of 14 or 15, 02:30 my brother decided to go down to a local store, 02:33 he shoved a few pornography magazines on his pants, 02:37 came back to our house, 02:39 we had this little shed in the backyard. 02:40 We're about five of us, and our neighborhood boys 02:41 and of course he takes out the magazine 02:44 and here we go, he opens up 02:45 and, you know, the rest is history. 02:48 Pornography started about that point. 02:49 Okay, well, so you're about 14 years old when it started? 02:52 Fourteen, fifteen somewhere at that time, yeah. 02:54 Okay, now talk about how pornography at that age 02:57 had such a strong pull upon your life? 03:00 Well, I saw the road I was going down, 03:02 realizing how addictive it was for me personally. 03:06 Like I said my neighbor, 03:09 there's a young lady as my neighbor 03:10 and I peeked in the windows at times. 03:13 We're talking about the idea of, 03:15 I broke into the home 03:17 and took some things from her drawer 03:18 and that really let me down on wrong path, 03:21 I knew pornography had a really good hold on me 03:23 and also lead me into adult chats, 03:26 talking to women. 03:28 Well, I think of women and adult chats 03:29 and just in progress and getting into the movies, 03:33 watching the movies and toys 03:36 and different things of that nature, so... 03:37 How did you see this addiction 03:39 take over your life in its totality? 03:43 I think it really just kind of destroyed 03:46 my idea of what love truly is. 03:48 Okay. 03:50 I really had a... 03:51 I kind of a low, I guess esteem, 03:55 and also it caused me to see women in a different way. 03:58 Yeah, it was kind of degrading, very degrading to me, 04:02 I mean, I go to strip clubs and watch women dance. 04:05 I mean, it really, just the idea that 04:09 you know, degrading, demoralizing, 04:10 just not really having a full concept of what really love is 04:13 and you get distorted view on what love is. 04:16 Have you found over a period of your life 04:18 while you were involved in or attracted to pornography, 04:23 that this is an addiction that a lot of people have, 04:26 not only males because you hear males talk about it more 04:28 so than females. 04:30 Is this an addiction that you find 04:31 a lot of people suffer from 04:32 but may be just not telling anybody, 04:34 may be because they are ashamed, 04:35 what have you found? 04:37 I would agree with you and that a great question. 04:39 Yeah, I believe that a lot of people had hidden. 04:42 It's easy to hide. 04:43 I mean, you can do it in your house 04:44 and, you know, internet even more 04:46 and this is prevalent, 04:47 what I mean, it's a hidden thing, 04:49 you know, we even like, we're talking about the other day 04:51 the idea of my wife and I 04:52 were partaking of this pornography together. 04:55 You know, women too, 04:57 I know that they also partake of pornography, 04:59 so it's pretty prevalent. 05:01 Now you mention that it's hidden a lot of times. 05:03 Why do you think it's such, 05:05 it's so hidden as opposed to people 05:08 just coming out and saying, 05:09 "I'm addicted to pornography." 05:10 Why is it such a hidden thing? 05:12 And the reason I ask... 05:13 Pornography was not necessarily my thing 05:15 that I was addicted to, 05:16 mine was more drugs, the street things like that, 05:18 and I was pretty open about what I did. 05:20 I don't believe number one, 05:22 in like fake it till you make it type thing, 05:25 and I didn't believe in showing myself 05:28 as one type of person to some people 05:30 and then to others I'm this type of person. 05:32 If I'm gonna be this, I'm going to be, this a 100%. 05:34 You're going to know about it 05:35 and there's really nothing you can do about it. 05:38 There was nothing hidden for me. 05:40 Why do you think it's so hidden among people 05:43 as opposed to people just coming outside 05:45 and, "Look, I'm addicted to this," 05:46 instead of keeping it like hush, hush or whatever? 05:49 I think it boils down again to the idea of self esteem. 05:53 Really hits on it because some people in my perspective, 05:56 you know, for me personally it was, 05:57 I didn't felt like I was very attractive 05:59 I didn't feel like I could, 06:01 you know, have women in my life 06:03 so it was more easy for me to do that to have this, 06:07 you know, fake fantasy in my house, 06:08 in my room, you know. 06:10 So it's really easy to get to that. 06:12 And I think a lot of people have ashamed too, 06:14 there's a shame involved 06:16 and that they don't want to be exposed 06:18 for getting involved in this type of pornography. 06:22 And I think to again, 06:23 it boils down to degradation of, 06:25 not only women but men. 06:26 Yeah, definitely. 06:27 And God made us, you know, to be, 06:29 you know, respect our bodies, respect who we are 06:32 and here we are, you know, watching this adult material 06:34 that's just really I mean, 06:36 it just destroys your concept... 06:37 Oh, yeah, definitely. 06:39 What love is. Definitely. 06:40 How much of an impact do you think 06:43 your early years of life had upon you, 06:45 even before you said you got the porn magazine 06:48 during the 14 years old, 06:50 but how much of an impact 06:51 do you think growing up in your household 06:53 particularly had an impact on later on in life 06:57 dealing with pornography? 06:58 I think dealing with my father, 07:01 he really never had a role father, role model. 07:04 Actually my grandfather used to run around 07:06 with women all over and used to, 07:08 you know, leave his wife behind. 07:10 And so I think that kind of stem from my dad 07:12 and not having a good role model in his life 07:13 and not knowing how to, 07:15 you know, be a good role model for us. 07:16 He did the best he could what he knew, 07:18 but both, him and my mom both worked full time jobs, 07:21 they're never home 07:22 so we're kind of left to do what we could 07:24 whatever at the house 07:25 and I think that kind of, you know, like it says, 07:27 you know, when David, he stayed back for more, 07:30 I don't mind, do you know what I mean? 07:31 I don't mind and... Yeah, devil workshop. 07:33 There you go. 07:34 Yeah, and you can go right down the wrong path. 07:35 I think a lot of it too back then we'd had a satellite, 07:38 I think with the invention of MTV just came out, 07:42 you know, I remember Madonna and one of the thing she wore 07:45 and, you know, all these things kind of... 07:48 The media really infiltrated my mind. 07:50 It just kind of hook, line, and sinker, 07:52 I just brought into it. 07:53 So you think media had a big part to play? 07:55 Mm-hmm. Okay. 07:56 And I think that also because, 07:58 you know, various people I talk to, 08:00 especially some younger teenagers 08:02 they'll say constantly, 08:03 and I used to say the same thing 08:04 that I didn't think that media had such a powerful effect. 08:07 I mean, after all it just "entertainment". 08:09 You know, we tend to say, "It's just entertainment. 08:11 How harmful can it be?" 08:12 And like you said MTV, 08:14 I used to watch a program on BET 08:17 that used to come on at 2, 3 in the morning. 08:19 It was called BET uncut and it's where at this time 08:23 and it was on for certain reason 08:24 at 2 or 3'o clock in the morning 08:26 because you would see things no one hear 08:28 that you wouldn't see regularly during the day time. 08:31 And it had such a powerful affect upon my life 08:34 and as you stated you look at love differently, 08:37 I looked at relationships differently. 08:39 You know, you look at... 08:40 You almost look at women like they're less than, 08:44 you start to treat them less than, 08:45 you know, because it's amazing what people will do 08:48 for that mighty dollar like people say. 08:50 You know, willing to sell their own soul basically. 08:53 How much of an impact on your life 08:55 or how much finances do you think 08:58 that you've used in the pornography industry? 09:01 And I see how you cut me, so it must be a lot. 09:03 I didn't wanna... 09:04 I don't know, I never had it all up. 09:05 I know like just going to the strip clubs 09:08 and buying, you know, the pornography material. 09:11 I didn't buy a whole lot of magazines 09:13 but I mean I had some, 09:15 you know, my wife and I would read 09:16 pornography material on weekends 09:18 and I used to watch the others. 09:20 So it was a quite a bit I couldn't add up 09:22 on that total monetary value but it's up there. 09:25 It was a lot, it was a lot. 09:26 And I'm sure it was because I know even with, 09:29 if you calculate just like a pack of cigarettes, 09:32 I used to smoke about a pack a day. 09:34 And cigarettes would... when I was buying them, 09:36 they were like $5 and some change a pack. 09:39 So you count that up. 09:40 And if I'm smoking a pack a day 09:42 you count that of seven days and we got $35 right there, 09:46 over a course of a month, over a course of a year. 09:48 So I know any type of addiction you're going to need it, 09:51 it something that 09:53 it's like a beast within you that has to be fed. 09:55 You know, and you have to do something. 09:57 And so when you... 09:58 What point brought you to the realization 10:01 that you needed to break away 10:02 from that stronghold in your life? 10:03 That's interesting you asked me. 10:05 I was going to just add too also the time. 10:07 We're taking up our time, 10:08 we're using our time with things 10:10 that are negative influences that are going in our life. 10:11 And that time is you can't get that back. 10:13 Yeah. You can't get that time. You can't, you can't. 10:15 But the breaking point for me 10:17 was when I was gonna get married to my wife. 10:20 I was still dabbling in internet chats, 10:23 actually got fired from a job for internet chatting. 10:25 They realized what I was doing there 10:27 and took cover of my tracks, 10:28 I actually tried to delete some stuff in my computer 10:30 and destroyed the computer. 10:31 So I came back and they're really like, 10:33 "Sorry, this isn't working out, you're fired." 10:34 So I lost a job because of that. 10:36 Still continued in my next job doing that 10:38 but when my wife and I are really seriously 10:40 getting into the topic of getting married, 10:43 I knew I had to change. 10:44 I know there's some things I'm doing wrong. 10:47 For a person that's struggling with porn addiction 10:49 just as you did, 10:51 what can a person do to break away from that 10:54 or what realization do they need to come to say, 10:58 "You know what, enough is enough, 10:59 I need to break it." 11:01 Because in my life, 11:02 it's kind of like I hit rock bottom. 11:04 We're not actually kind of, I did, I hit rock bottom 11:07 to where there was no looking to the right, 11:09 looking to the left, looking behind me, 11:10 all I could do is look up. 11:12 But what does a person need to do 11:14 with a porn addiction to realize enough is enough? 11:17 What do you think? 11:19 I think personally for me it was desiring something 11:23 greater, a greater hope, a greater need. 11:25 And that came through in February of 2008, 11:29 I actually had a dream and the Lord spoke to me, 11:31 and I was crying out, I was like, 11:32 "Lord, I can't quit this. 11:34 I keep get drawn into it deeper and deeper." 11:36 And I realize that every time I tried on my own, 11:39 I get further into it. 11:40 So then I call out to the Lord, and I said, 11:42 "Lord, I need help," and then in February of 2008, 11:44 I had a dream and the Lord had told me 11:46 specifically in this dream, 11:47 I was in a bar with some friends drinking 11:49 'cause we party at that time too. 11:51 And this old man walked in this bar, 11:53 double doors to this bar, had long white beard, 11:56 long white hair, did not fit the bar scene 11:58 and he walked in and he locked eyes with me literally 12:01 and he said, "God is coming." 12:04 And I just merely sharp on my bed, 12:06 I said something was different about that dream. 12:08 And from that point on, 12:10 I knew that I had to get myself right. 12:11 I knew there was a change and I desired a new desire. 12:15 So I desired to read the Bible actually 12:16 sort of shifting while I was at work 12:18 instead of looking at porn 12:20 I was trying to read Bible book now so. 12:23 Okay. Wow. 12:24 Now, your wife who you're married to now, 12:26 she grew up Seventh-day Adventist 12:28 but eventually kind of left the church for a while 12:30 as a lot of us tend to do. 12:32 You did not grow up Seventh-day Adventist. 12:34 Talk about how y'all meet and how y'all met 12:36 and how both of y'all ended up 12:38 getting involved in pornography? 12:39 Do we have enough time? 12:41 Well, let's see how much we have. 12:43 Oh, well, I met her at a bank, 12:45 I used to do Y2K inventory 12:47 when we had the whole Y2K scare. 12:49 Well, I went to a bank and the guys I was working with 12:52 they said, they're kind of tired of seeing 12:54 just older women that worked at the banks 12:55 and so we went to this particular bank 12:57 and she was young and very attractive. 12:59 And the men came in and they're sure enough 13:01 they're really shocked and pleased but so we... 13:04 She end up asking us to start a club, 13:06 one thing went to other and we end up hooking up 13:07 and so I end up moving in with her. 13:10 Okay. 13:11 My company did not like that too much, 13:12 almost fired me but I was just thankful 13:15 that the Lord worked through that. 13:16 But what happen is, 13:18 I realized that she was a Sabbath keeper 13:20 and the Lord had called me 13:22 and spoke to me and then I started thinking 13:23 well, I know language 13:25 and language spoke to me sabado 13:26 and I thought well, sabado is close to Sabbath 13:29 and I studied from that perspective through language 13:31 and that's what drew me into the truth 13:33 and knowing that she's Seventh-day Adventist. 13:35 But the great thing about us, 13:36 we did a study together called Steps to Christ. 13:38 Okay. Okay. 13:40 And that, you know, really solidify 13:41 not only our relationship with God 13:44 but also our relationship together as a husband and wife. 13:46 Yeah, definitely, definitely. 13:47 So how did you two after meeting, you know, 13:50 how did you two get involved in porn together 13:52 because you're already in it. 13:54 Was your wife already involved in it? 13:56 How do you both y'all get into it together? 13:59 My wife and I, Janelle, 14:01 she kind of went along with what I did, 14:04 as far as pornography is concerned. 14:06 I think it was more of a respect issue, 14:07 so she kind of followed me in that. 14:09 Okay, Okay. 14:10 How much of a demonic pull, 14:13 strong demonic pull do you see that pornography has? 14:17 Not just over your life and your wife's life 14:19 but in general? 14:21 I see the whole degradation of not only women 14:24 as it is concerns the whole, 14:26 you know, the strip club and things like that 14:27 but I see it even now on magazines, 14:29 on TV and radio like, you know, the idea of rap 14:32 and the idea of some of these music, 14:35 it's all over to being infiltrate, 14:36 I mean, you don't hear some of these 14:38 country tunes anymore. 14:39 I mean, you speak, oh, like you know, it's just, 14:41 it's crazy and you go into the grocery stores, 14:43 you look and they've got magazines 14:46 with women have popping all the things 14:47 at children's eye level, 14:49 I mean, starting at a young age 14:50 and you think about to now the idea of some of the things 14:53 we get into as far as 14:55 kids are growing up much quicker now. 14:56 Yeah, definitely. Through the internet. 14:58 I mean, their eyes are being able to see 15:00 so much more when I was a kid. 15:02 Yeah, definitely. 15:03 I know you remember watching TV growing up 15:05 and just seeing how TV shows were compared to TV shows now, 15:09 where back then, let's say the 80s or so, 15:14 people seem to wear more clothes 15:15 but now a lot of nudity is shown on TV. 15:18 I mean people are almost wearing nothing. 15:21 Homosexuality is prevalent on TV. 15:23 How much an impact do you think 15:25 what people are watching, just regular? 15:27 May not even BET or MTV but just TV in general, 15:30 how much of an impact do you think 15:32 what people watch has upon what they do in life? 15:35 I would say, the vast majority of, 15:38 I mean that we're so infiltrated by media 15:39 and everywhere, it's even on billboards. 15:41 Yeah, definitely. 15:42 I mean, it's on billboards, radio, it's just everywhere. 15:45 It's constantly being bombarded in our minds, our faces, 15:48 our eyes, our ears, this is by beholding we become changed. 15:50 Yeah, definitely. 15:52 And we keep seeing these things 15:53 and it's constant, it's a constant reminder 15:55 just like you're talking about the homosexuality, 15:57 the idea of a nudity all over, It's just people... 16:02 even when you watch, you know, the Emmy Awards, Grammy Awards 16:04 people are just, I mean, it's all about self 16:06 and trying to glorify self 16:08 and getting more and more down to bare nothing, 16:12 you know, to appeal to people to get ratings 16:14 or whatever it is, I mean, it's constant, so. 16:16 Definitely. Definitely. 16:17 You know the Bible says in Revelation 16:19 that the devil knows that he has but a short time. 16:21 That's right. 16:23 And I think that, you know, 16:25 what we see here is a direct result 16:28 of him knowing that he has a short time. 16:30 So he's doing all that he can 16:32 to draw people's attention away from God. 16:35 How do you feel about that? 16:36 I would agree with that totally, the idea that... 16:40 Satan knows his time is short, 16:42 and again it talks in the Bible about the time of Noah, 16:44 you know, man's mind is continuously wicked. 16:45 We see that taking place right now 16:47 and realizing that all these things, it's sin. 16:51 And we all are, you know, 16:52 it says we all fall short of the glory but it is sin. 16:54 And Satan has such a captive audience right now 16:58 through media... 16:59 I mean, it's infiltrated so many people 17:01 and we don't realize how deep it actually gets into the mind 17:04 and how its seeded in there, seats itself, so. 17:07 What are some things looking back on your life 17:10 that you getting involved with pornography 17:13 and various other things, drinking, smoking. 17:16 What are some things that you regret 17:18 because I know for myself 17:20 where even though I learned from them 17:21 and they make me into the man that I am today. 17:23 There's a lot of things that I do regret 17:26 which if I could do things over again, 17:28 I would do things over. 17:30 I would have listened just like for instance, 17:32 where I'm in school now and I'm almost 32 years old 17:36 and I'm in school with a lot of people 17:38 who are 18, 19, 20 years old 17:40 and I say to myself a lot of times, 17:42 "Wow, if I would have just listened, 17:43 I would have been where I was supposed to be already now 17:46 versus in school where I could have completed that years ago." 17:50 So how much of a regret 17:53 or what are some of the things that you would change 17:55 from past to the present? 17:59 Oh, man, the idea of trust. Okay. 18:02 Trust is huge 18:04 and with my wife and I, actually at one point 18:06 I had conferred to her what I was doing. 18:09 I told her I was online chatting with... 18:10 I didn't go into total detail 18:12 but because I knew some of the stuff was so deep, 18:14 I knew how much it hurt her rather. 18:16 At one point she said, 18:17 basically I want nothing to do with you, I want to leave. 18:19 And that's what I would like to take back 18:20 as I totally, I mean, I can... 18:23 you destroy trust. 18:24 Yeah, definitely. And another thing too is time. 18:26 I mean, I wasted so much time, 18:27 I realize now that when God had called me out of this, 18:31 how much time I really wasted spending with Him 18:32 and building relationship with Him. 18:34 And now I'm so thankful I have that, 18:36 but I wish I had that even prior to all this... 18:38 Yeah, definitely. And that's a huge thing for me. 18:40 And again, that I get that trust and being faithful 18:43 and it's hard for a woman to want to be faithful to a man, 18:47 if he's looking at some other women in magazines, 18:49 like, "Oh she's beautiful," 18:50 then the woman is like, "Well, am I attractive? 18:52 I mean, do I..." 18:54 Yeah, it makes the woman feel like she's less. 18:55 Yeah, exactly. 18:57 So it's like you know, that trust is huge. 18:59 So the addiction started at around 14 years old. 19:03 And about how long did that addiction last for you? 19:07 About 2008. Okay. 19:09 That's when we got married. 19:11 And I had that dream, ever since then it changed. 19:15 My life is so, you're a new creature in Christ 19:16 and He changed me, 19:19 and I'm so thankful that I had that you know, 19:21 Him waking me up, literally waking me up to get out of this 19:25 because I mean, I was clearly struggling with it 19:27 and it does help to have support too. 19:29 You need support and I didn't have that support. 19:31 Yeah. I really think support is key. 19:33 I remember, you know, 19:35 as I was going through the different things in my life 19:37 that I always, I could always seem to return to my parents. 19:41 No matter if we got into it constantly, 19:43 I could, I could always count on them to be there, 19:47 which you know a lot of people don't have that. 19:49 And one thing that I know was powerful 19:51 was the fact that my parents constantly prayed for me. 19:55 So I think, to have that support number one for, 19:57 if somebody to be able to went to, 19:59 because a lot of times we say to people that, 20:00 you know, keep it real, keep it real, what do you say. 20:02 But a lot of times we don't keep it real, 20:04 we don't say really what's deep down in us, 20:07 what's affecting us 20:08 and we find generally that there's things within us 20:11 that are motivating us to do something 20:13 that we're not dealing with, that we're not telling it, 20:15 voicing it to somebody else, so that somebody can help us. 20:18 And I think a lot of that has to do with shame, 20:20 embarrassment, how people gonna view us, 20:23 why are you thinking these kind of thoughts, 20:25 different things like that. 20:26 What do you think about that? I think too. 20:28 You're hitting on a nerve to pride. 20:30 A lot of us carry that pride we don't want to share it, 20:32 like you know, I don't want people to know 20:33 what's inside of me because... 20:35 And you feel too 20:36 that some people might not want to hear it. 20:37 And that's a lot of things people don't want to hear 20:39 but there are people out there who want to hear, 20:41 that want to listen, I mean, 20:42 you got to find that chain of support, 20:45 in order to come out. 20:46 And for me, I just praise the Lord, 20:47 that God had taken that opportunity to direct me, so... 20:50 Yeah, I think, I think voicing it plays a big part 20:53 because as we know from Revelation also, chapter 12, 20:56 it talks about two ways to overcome the devil 20:59 which is by the blood of the Lamb 21:00 and by the word of our testimony. 21:01 Testimony, yes. 21:03 So speaking to others about things what we're dealing with 21:05 and how we overcome these things 21:07 help a lot of other people. 21:09 See one thing that we have to understand 21:10 that this thing is a... 21:11 It's more than just you and I. That's right. 21:13 It's more than just me, it's a big picture. 21:15 So one, something that I do doesn't just affect me, 21:19 it affects a host of other people. 21:21 And I think that we have to, 21:22 we have to come to that realization 21:24 whether we do right or whether we do wrong, 21:26 it's affecting more than just me. 21:27 A lot of times I think we have this... 21:30 We're very selfish, 21:31 a lot of us are very selfish people. 21:34 But I want you to talk about how the Book of Hebrews 11, 21:37 talks about the pleasures of sin for a season. 21:41 Talk about how thou was pleasurable for season 21:44 eventually it came to an end because sometimes people think, 21:48 "Man, this is pleasurable, 21:49 I don't want this to end, I love this." 21:51 But talk about that comparison for me? 21:53 I think, that pleasure of sin can lead to destruction 21:58 and eventually it's gonna ruin or destroy you. 21:59 I mean, like you're talking 22:00 about the idea of relationships, 22:02 I mean, it was so detrimental, 22:03 how that pornography was so entrenched 22:06 that I was having a hard time communicating with people 22:09 because I was keeping it all to myself 22:11 and I didn't know how to talk to people. 22:13 And it was destroying my, you know, 22:15 my relationship to people 22:17 and that those around me, they didn't know how to help. 22:18 My mom was like something's wrong with you, 22:20 you need to get, you know, psychiatric help. 22:22 And I did even said, "No I don't want it. 22:24 I just want to be left alone." 22:25 And I kind of want to cower in my own corner 22:27 and actually at one point want to commit suicide. 22:29 Yeah, wow. 22:30 And that's how far it gets to 22:32 where you are dislocated from people. 22:33 You've got to realize that there are people out there 22:35 that love and care for you and want to help you. 22:37 And you've got to want to cry out for that help. 22:39 Now you mentioned something key, 22:41 you mentioned suicide. 22:42 I want to just talk about that briefly 22:43 because that's one of the things 22:45 that I was dealing with for a minute. 22:47 You know, I grew up 22:48 in a Seventh-day Adventist Church 22:50 and I had left for a number of years, 22:52 I was just fed up with things. 22:54 And I wanted to see basically what the world had to offer. 22:57 And you know, as you go through life, 22:59 I got involved in a number of different things, 23:01 drugs, drinking, incarcerated a number of times 23:05 and it's kind of like I got in this circle. 23:06 This circle of mess where it's like, you can't get out. 23:08 It's almost like, you're just chasing your tail. 23:11 And I came to the point where I was fed up, 23:14 just fed up with life, fed up with everything 23:16 and I wanted to commit suicide. 23:18 And it just stemmed from like I'm fed up with. 23:20 I didn't want to yield to God, 23:23 I just didn't, I just didn't want to deal with that 23:25 and there was no fulfillment, no joy in life, nothing. 23:29 And instead of taking the messy way out 23:31 which I thought of either jumping off a building 23:33 or something or shooting myself in the head, 23:35 I decided to try to overdose on drugs 23:38 which praise the Lord, for it didn't work 23:39 because I'm sitting here and talking right now. 23:42 But the suicide thoughts for me came just from a fedupness, 23:46 a emptiness, a lost feeling like, 23:48 "Man, I'm at the bottom of the barrel 23:50 and I can't take it." 23:51 So what was the feeling within you 23:53 that brought you to the thoughts of suicide 23:55 because there's a lot of people that, 23:57 you know, constantly on the news you hear about, 24:00 a person who was bullied and they committed suicide. 24:02 So suicide is a major, a major thing these days. 24:06 What was that point in your life 24:08 that brought you to those thoughts? 24:09 Again, like you said, the bullying. 24:11 I was a small boy in school, you know, 24:14 had several kids that harassed me, 24:15 actually I don't know if you ever heard of this term 24:17 but swirly? 24:18 No, no, I haven't heard it, okay. 24:19 I can go graphic, it's where the... 24:21 A person tries to push your head in a toilet, 24:23 and they're flushing as, you know, stuff in the toilet. 24:26 Wow. 24:27 And I had three boys try that to me, 24:29 one actually shoved my head in the toilet, 24:30 another one kind of barred away from the stall 24:32 and the one barred the way to the exit of the bathroom. 24:35 And I just got bullied a lot and it drove me to a point 24:38 where I just, I want nothing to do with, people, 24:40 I just want to be away from people. 24:42 I thought nobody cared, I just felt like just giving up 24:45 even my own brothers would sometimes, 24:46 you know harass and ridicule me 24:48 to the point where I just said that's enough, 24:51 I just want to go downstairs and slit my wrists 24:53 and get it over with. 24:54 As I had felt that nobody cared 24:55 and that Satan likes to whisper those things in your head. 24:57 Yeah, definitely. 24:59 Put those little things in your life 25:00 to just come in and try to destroy you, 25:02 he comes to steal, kill and destroy. 25:04 Talk about for us the joys that you have now working with 3ABN 25:08 versus the life that you were living before, 25:11 as well as what you do with 3ABN? 25:13 Right now, I'm a studio manager for what they call studio E. 25:17 Okay. 25:18 But the joy is just again it's the peace, 25:21 the assurance of knowing and knowing God 25:24 and having a relationship with Him 25:25 and working with such a wonderful staff here. 25:27 Definitely. 25:29 Nothing against the secular world 25:30 but working out in the secular world 25:31 is just that there is a difference 25:33 in coming here there is such a camaraderie 25:35 of brother, sister relationship, 25:38 just feeling that peace and joy 25:39 and having a relationship with Jesus Christ ultimately, 25:42 but also with those you work with. 25:44 And it's such a blessing to be here 25:46 and also to be in the fold 25:48 and be called back, you're good shepherd. 25:51 So I'm very thankful for that and to overcome, 25:53 as you know, being overcomer through Christ. 25:56 So thankful for that peace. Definitely. 25:57 It's interesting how the Bible states in Revelation 2:3, 26:02 where you're reading about the seven churches 26:04 and in each of those churches says to him that overcometh, 26:06 to him that overcometh, 26:08 and we realize to spend eternity with Jesus, 26:10 we have to overcome. 26:11 And a beautiful thing is that we don't have to overcome alone 26:14 that Jesus helps us to overcome all those trials in our life. 26:18 What I want you to do right now, 26:20 is I want you to look into the camera 26:21 and I want you to take a few moments 26:22 to talk to that young person that is struggling 26:24 with pornography addiction 26:26 or whatever addiction it may be, 26:28 talk about how you realize 26:30 that they need to break away from it 26:32 and follow Jesus for the rest of their life. 26:36 What I would say to the young, 26:37 young minds out there listening to this program is 26:41 you need someone to look to 26:43 and there's a song says, Turn your eyes upon Jesus. 26:47 Revelations 3:20, tells us you know, 26:50 He stands at the door and He knocks 26:52 and if any man hears His voice, ye open that door to him, 26:56 He'll come in and sup with you and He will sup with you. 26:59 But it's just so important that we open that door, 27:01 that's the first for me personally 27:03 is the idea of opening your heart to Jesus, 27:05 He can come and He can shape and mold you. 27:07 He's called the potter and we are the clay, 27:10 so important. 27:11 And also to find a support group, 27:14 somebody you can turn to, somebody that you trust, 27:16 somebody you know, that won't condemn you 27:18 or who'll make fun of you 27:19 but somebody that you can speak to and open up to 27:22 and share this with this pain, this hurt, 27:26 this journey that you're on currently 27:28 and you want to make a change, 27:29 it can be possible, you just need support 27:31 but ultimately you need Jesus Christ in your life. 27:34 He can make that difference in your life, 27:35 He made in my life, I know from experience, 27:40 so just pray out Him, cry out to Him, 27:42 He says, broken and contrite spirit, 27:44 he does not despise. 27:46 So just reach out to Him and He's there. 27:49 He says, He never leaves nor forsake you either, so... 27:51 Amen. 27:52 Well, Donald, we want to thank you 27:53 for being on the program. 27:55 Thank you for tuning into The New Journey. 27:56 Be sure to tune in next time for an exciting program. |
Revised 2017-08-20