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Series Code: TDYL
Program Code: TDYL220032A
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00:50 >> want to ♪ ♪ 01:08 >> Hello, friends. Welcome to 3 ABN today. Thursday night live all the way live. Nothing 01:13 pre tape that this is welcome to you. Thank you for taking the time to join us. And we're 01:17 talking about relationships. I'm so glad to have my bride with me because he's going to 01:22 be good program for both of us. Yes, I'm excited about this program. When we talk 01:25 about relationships. Love marriage family knew the full topic. That's right. And we 01:32 have an exciting couple here. That's going to be that affect. Their new here will 01:37 hold them until late in case. We But they haven't amazing story. They've put that in the 01:41 book and then talk about the way the Cod found a way into their lives and what that 01:47 meant. You know, the journey that we're going to talk about tonight in their lives is 01:50 synonymous to many of you than watching. And this somebody around you that's planning on 01:54 getting married or just got married unmarried, you know that you can always glean 01:59 something from a program like this. Not so take the time. I would say hit the record 02:03 button. But nowadays, I don't know if that mode and hit record on a digital 02:07 television. You can do that. But you don't want to miss this program now and invite 02:11 other people in your home say hate chill out. Let's watch a programs. Find out about 02:15 relationships at no point in relationship and a marriage. Is there a time where we can 02:21 learn something? No, always. We've been married 39 years. Don't tell anybody. And which 02:27 still learning. And that's right about each other's all we have. That's right. We are. 02:32 and just a moment we'll introduce you to our. Guests tonight. Yes, they're citing. 02:38 Yeah. What young couple. What's exciting about them is is latest from Brooklyn. She's 02:41 part Jamaican. That's the part I love on has a consistent and they have an amazing I'm just 02:50 so excited about that. But before we do any of that, we want to thank you for your 02:53 prayers and your financial support of 3ABN in ministry would not be what it is 02:58 without your support and your donations. Yes. And even if you take the time to come here 03:04 volunteer also makes a difference. And I'm one of the thing I want to point out. 03:08 Yeah. Beginning October 14th right here on 3 A B and it's going to be 09:00PM. Central 03:14 Time is going to be 07:00PM Pacific Time on beginning a 2 week evangelistic series 03:22 entitled It's coming. But the graphic, the second out of the program, but you'll be able to 03:25 find out more about it on the 3ABN website. It's going to be a 15 part series. You'll be 03:30 able to download the evangelistic lessons and follow along from your home 03:35 from church. Whether you're by yourself with some and we'll have some beautifully colored 03:38 lessons you can fill in the blanks. And we have some outlines to go with that also. 03:43 So look forward to that October 14 to 29 you ports very on kids in the Pleasant 03:50 Hill, 7th Day Adventist Church in Northern California. Yeah. So put it on your calendar to 03:53 join us. And if you haven't planned evangelism yet, this is a time no money for your 03:58 church. It's all set. Just tune in and you'll be blessed by it. In men what we have 04:01 tonight for music. Honey. >> We're going to start with music and should be with 04:06 music. relate their secret weapon. Okay. Haha. We're going to have Stephanie Dawn 04:16 sing a wonderful song entitled Come To Me. 04:40 >> To >> to >> know. 04:58 ♪ ♪ ♪ 05:14 ♪ >> To >> I 05:25 >> will kill ♪ >> know, 05:55 ♪ ♪ ♪ 06:16 >> To >> I will kill ♪ 06:30 ♪ ♪ >> you find. He 06:57 >> you'll >> It's ♪ 07:13 >> the >> you >> know. 07:19 ♪ ♪ ♪ 07:36 >> o ♪ >> To 07:46 >> needy. >> I will kill ♪ 07:56 ♪ ♪ ♪ 08:11 >> To >> be. ♪ 08:18 >> I will kill ♪ ♪ 08:31 ♪ >> To need. ♪ 08:42 ♪ >> Thank you so much, Stephanie, for that wonderful 08:48 song. Come to me and I will give you rest wonderful minister of music. Yeah, and 08:55 thank you so much for that thing. groundwork for how you can find a blessing and rest 08:59 in your relationship. Therefore, let's introduce this wonderful couple. 09:03 Brandon, Brandon and >> she made to read that right. Brandon shredded 09:10 Taylor, good to have you here thank We spotted your name. We will get you know, when I saw 09:17 you tonight as a while with a cheerful looking couple than we think now we met them 09:22 before ago in Pennsylvania. yeah, used to live. That's all tell us about your journey. 09:30 Sure. Well, really begin beings. So we met actually at >> We were just acquaintances 09:36 for like 2 years each other and pass. And you say hello and then it was his seniors 09:42 last semester school that we enrolled in the same class that allowed us to just start 09:50 to have conversation a little bit more. But we both ended up dropping the class. So it 09:55 became too much work. And we both decided it was going to needed to make that decision 09:59 together by all. But individually, we had dropped the class and the next time we 10:01 saw each other. That's when we found out and we just continue to talk a little bit more and 10:06 I think you can share a little bit more of your story, but there's some things he was 10:10 going through and he started tax me questions about it from a faith perspective. And I 10:14 just started to share what I believe from the Bible. And that grew into a friendship 10:18 and shortly after that, expressed interest in taking me on a date. And then would 10:26 you say haha, I first said I needed to pray about it because at that point in my 10:33 journey, I said that the next person that I dated Earth spend time with. I wanted to 10:36 be my husband. Well, I told him if if we were going to go out, I needed to be sure that 10:42 it was actually going to be meaningful and that was the right thing to do. And I we 10:45 need to pray about it. So but here we 7 years married to children. but he was not at a 10:55 new ad. Venice. We wrecked and he was not was not. >> finding a Christian, every 10:59 different faith, right? And that was that was it like when you when you met shredded? 11:04 >> Sure. Well, most impressive thing for me was that I've been on a very long journey of 11:07 trying to figure out who I was. And you know what? I value in life and people that 11:12 was spending time with it just is really felt like I was in the confused. 11:14 >> Place in my life. at that time at the time of searching this interesting Hogan somehow 11:23 led us to have more intentional conversations and just really understood. Like 11:26 I've seen you around, you know, campus before. But who are you? And then what do you 11:31 enjoy? And so we just started having these deep conversations and it just felt 11:33 like our conversation could go on and on and just felt like, you know, time which is 11:37 passing by, you and we weren't even keeping track of time. And I remember talking to her 11:43 and just being in amazement that. There was somebody who was a young person at that 11:48 time who actually believe in the Bible said it was seeking to live out what the Bible 11:54 said. Yeah, I would ask a question just about purity and about her values and about her 11:57 lifestyle. And it was amazing to me that she actually lived out what she professed to 12:02 believe in. So for my life right, seeing many people who call themselves Christians, 12:08 right? one of those to call myself a Christian, but I was out doing every type of thing. 12:11 You know, and the College Night life environment. But actually encounter somebody 12:15 who actually believe who actually lend out what they said. They believe with 12:20 incredible to me. And that's really what stuck with me after the very beginning. What 12:22 do you believe that when she and begin to share her faith with me in at least Yeah, is 12:30 so nice. And she had values, you know? >> That's nice. Many looking 12:34 for women like that. Women to have values Christian values, not just valujet. now. It's 12:40 all on the due date. So we dated for what, 2 years before we actually. So year before 12:51 you propose to you, it is so 2 years before we got married and for for 7 years. So about 12:55 9 years into the have children. >> Yes, we have a 4 year-old 12:59 son in Steven in a 10 month-old daughter named Simone. And if I'm not 13:05 incorrect, you waited to with you a merry to do what? >> Head? Yeah. You So. 13:13 >> It's something that was really important for us. And we started we called our 13:17 courtship was maintaining boundaries that will help us honor help us protect the 13:22 things that we were saying for marriage. And one of them being. 13:24 >> Sex. And so when we started our relationship, we discussed boundaries. But we left 13:31 kissing on the table because we didn't feel like that would be a big deal for us and a 13:35 couple months into the relationship. You know, one thing they don't really talk 13:39 about as much as when you have a spiritual connection. When you're together, the physical 13:42 attraction grows even more. And we found that to happen between us and the kids and 13:48 started to get a little bit too intense to the point where just like they were turned 13:53 away into not going to make it if we're going at at this rate like that. And we were both 14:00 individually uncomfortable. We never quite brought it up. But this is how God worked I ended 14:06 up going abroad for a few months to study in Europe and that was going to give us 14:10 physical distance for some time while I was gonna started to feel impress like, you 14:15 know, maybe we shouldn't pull back in and stop kissing outside. But I do not want to 14:20 be in want to tell him that we should do that. So I prayed. I said, Lord, if you want to 14:25 stop doing this, you have to tell him and he has to be the one to bring it up. That same 14:29 week. Brandon brought up a complication to He came and he said, you know, I feel really 14:37 impressed that I want to honor you more. And I want to honor God more in our relationship 14:41 in. I think we stop and I that's what I shared with him. That I had been feeling the 14:47 same way. And so hundreds of miles apart as when we made that decision to save our next 14:52 kiss for our wedding day. >> for you in cage at the time, we were not just like, 14:57 oh, this Yeah. >> So we don't know when that was going to be. But we just 15:02 knew that that's where the Lord was leading us. And so, yeah, the next time we saw 15:09 each other and in person, right? We could sense the difference between us. It was 15:13 like we can really see each other is like years here. That's got talent I need on a 15:21 u N. The U.S. such throughout remainder of this relationship so 15:28 >> Wow, we save in the face and it a 600 areas was announcing the number, right? 15:42 That's beautiful. We're going to dive into more the details of your life. But I just want 15:45 to. >> You are reading about that a little bit. How beautiful 15:49 that is. 4 in the standings for young people to come to the realization that yes, we 15:52 are children of cotton how beautiful it is. I love the way you say that now use a 15:58 completely different illustration, but kind of along the same lines. That's 16:01 why Christmas is only once a year. You know, you can get gifts all year long with 16:06 differences, Chris, going to be and for those of you that are seeking to have up your 16:09 relationship in preparation for marriage, that's what caught intended to do that to 16:14 preserve each other for each other and look at the blessing. Now you have 2 16:18 wonderful children and 7 years cots. Perfect number. And God is moving in a beautiful, 16:25 beautiful direction. So he inside we just dove into that part of the story. kind. I 16:27 would come back a little bit and maybe find out something about it. How to God take you 16:35 through this because I want to go back to a little bit what you said when you met on 16:38 different pages. Faith lies. That's right. And how that transition happen for you? 16:43 Well, for me when I was born and raised in Christian home, parents who love my sister and 16:49 I took care of us and provided a wonderful foundation for us. >> But like many youth and 16:53 young people, I got caught up in this longing to belong Journey where I was just 17:01 seeking belong to my peers and belong to those around me. And it's really develop 17:04 friendships. And I was struggling a lot in that area. I constantly felt ostracizing, 17:08 just very different. And just didn't fit in. And so as somebody who was felt that 17:12 hurt as a as a young child would do a lot of her people do hurt people hurt other 17:18 people in time when developed this very that, you know, track record of different 17:22 relationships for hours in relationships and being intentionally hurting other 17:27 people. And to the point had a very negative view of myself leading up into college and 17:31 into those, you know, college years and went on a journey is trying to find out what God is 17:36 our for my life who he wanted me to be as a person as a man when it came to relations that 17:41 has completely lost. And I remember hitting rock bottom moment saying Lord, I don't 17:47 know which way is up. I need you to please just show me your plan for the show me your 17:52 path and around that same time as one, you know, shot and I have the very first 17:58 conversation ever begin to exchange a get to know one another and just how got moved 18:01 through her at that time to speak. Words of encouragement to me to speak words like 18:07 actually my my plan is possible. If you surrender to me, if you study my word, if 18:09 you want to stand, you know, the calling that I have on your life, it is possible to 18:14 live as a Christian today. That whereas every assurance right on time got. 18:19 >> And I could see that he was we started having those conversations. I could see 18:23 that he was truly seeking It was amazing to me because he would ask me a question on 18:29 point him to scripture study and of course, and I was intentionally praying for him 18:34 because I saw that you're running. And as he would, you know, some read something or 18:40 study something or come to understand something. He immediately wanted to put it 18:43 into practice. And you have are kind of witness to, you know, friends or family. We 18:48 kind of like a tug of war. You know, you share something and they may seem receptive and 18:55 you don't know where really it's going to go. But he immediately everything he was 18:59 learning from the Bible. He was like, I want to do it. I want to follow God just seeing 19:02 that you're in and was but really impactful for me as well because it it made me 19:07 show my plate. How are you really like believing what you say? Believe in, you know, 19:13 consciously seeking to obey the voice and follow him every day. Wow. 19:18 >> Before we dive for that, want to remind our viewing and listening audience that we're 19:22 going to be taking questions. Yes, and I are in the second hour and some of you might 19:26 have relationship questions. And if you want to send those by e-mail, send them to live 19:30 at 3ABN OTT TV. That's L I V E at TV or if you want to tax those, you can send them to 19:39 618-228-3975, once again, that 6, 1, 8, 2 to 8, 39. 75. And we'll answer those in the 19:46 second hour. let me turn to you. >> Yes, OK, have a question 19:51 for both of you. Slice the topic. really loving relationship so relevant for 19:56 today, too. >> We look around in our society and we see that 20:03 there's a lot of images, information ships in of love being promoted. You know, when 20:08 we look on online or, you know, at our TV channels and that's what I think so I think 20:12 there's a lot of ways that the world is promoting for us to look at relationships and look 20:15 at dating and to look at 11, we, you know, with turn on the news every other day. Now we 20:19 see someone some new star couple is being divorced or, you know, having a major break 20:24 up. And I think that, you know, people are seeing this take place and they're 20:27 wondering, you know, what is the pathway to to real lasting love? Actually look like how 20:32 do we actually established a a love of the foundation for a relationship that is going to 20:37 last. And I think that's really why, you know this topic of love and topic of 20:42 relationships so important today. If we look at the divorce rate across the 20:44 country for a look at the marriage rate that the rate of qualification are constantly 20:50 increasing day by day. And so I think that this topic of relationships and love just a 20:55 crucial topic for us to address, especially with so many young people, people of 20:57 all ages really wondering this guy really care about relationships and his his 21:02 plan. Does this plan really work for >> anything to share 21:08 >> Yeah, I think everyone wants to love and be loved and it's one of to things that we 21:13 all experience and life is. Will I ever find someone to share my life with them? A lot 21:17 of people take different paths on had made choices before you know, got places together. But 21:25 if it's something that everybody can connect to and like Brandon said, we're 21:29 seeing it everywhere. But we need to be able to sift through the noise and really 21:32 see what got us to this about it. That's right. >> And in what moved you to 21:38 take it to a point of the ministry. Lot of people have experiences, but when the Lord 21:42 moves on you to take it from just an experience. 2 ministry, how did that come 21:46 about? We've been learning a >> When have been learning so much during our courtship back 21:58 in 2013 and and to 2014. And so we started looking online cause court. It was a very new 22:03 area for both of us. We have never she never been a courtship before I'd ever 22:05 been. And I never heard the word before. And so we were just at a phase where we're 22:10 learning as we went and our relationship, it was in their early 2014 time period where 22:16 we felt like we should begin to share more about what we're learning. Nowak sternly with 22:20 other son. We looked online to see who's talking about questions on YouTube on 22:26 Google. So we get end, find anything really. No one was really talking about it as 22:30 they were going through it. And so we felt like I impressing us at that point in 22:34 time to begin making a series of videos online on YouTube. We started out with this was 22:38 turned the courtship series and we didn't know who was going to go beyond that. It 22:43 going to be the thinking. Oh, this is the opportune time for us to talk about boundaries. 22:46 Talk about purpose. Talk about intentionality that relationship. Talk about 22:51 disagreements. How to manage conflict in your relationship. And so we're just documenting 22:55 those different lessons. As guy was teaching us. it grew into a wonderful years Long 23:00 Ministry on you talking about courtship, engagement into marriage. And then that's 23:03 where the Hound Levitt, homeless birth. >> After so many years of 23:08 sharing videos speaking in, getting a lot of questions from people out of e-mails. We 23:15 we really wanted to personally touch certain different couples and be able to really 23:18 help with what God was showing us because I personally like our experience wasn't 23:25 difficult. We had so much fun. We had joined. We wanted other people to experience that 23:28 well. So we started love at home to be able to do that to reach more couples more 23:35 directly and work with them out coaching. And that's how it all began. 23:41 >> It's called love at home left home. How many of us which you haven't YouTube 23:47 subscribers a new home. Also arts or YouTube channel. the title worth the wait? God, OK, 23:52 minutes with purpose. And that has about 20,000 in last 20,000 ago. 24:02 >> little one you know, the thank you worth the wait that's good. And we we we made 24:07 reference to the book. But now this talk a little bit about your book and just do to Yes, 24:15 yes. So 31 day devotional through the love stories of the Bible. pretty much for 24:21 every day you are focused on a different couple in the Bible. >> The way this came about was 24:25 really just the way that we are. So for everything that we shared on a channel and if we 24:31 every day like speaking engagements, we always sought to look for, OK, where can we 24:35 find this principle in the Bible? How can you show people? This is in the Bible? 24:39 is there a couple whose story exemplifies this principle that we can teach in so 24:43 whether it was David and Michael teaching about protecting the sacred circle 24:47 around your marriage and that sort of thing. We start to look for couples. And then one 24:50 day we're just like my wind there. >> Can we find like? It's a 24:56 certain amount of couples in the Bible where we can do a devotional where everyday you 24:59 read about a different couple have has anyone ever done something like that in? We 25:02 started researching, we started just writing in literally, you know, it took a 25:08 couple years, but that's why staff we came up with 31 couples and we called it 25:12 tokens of Love because for each couple, what's the token? What's the lesson that you can 25:16 take away from the story that you can see to apply your life even if you're single the way 25:21 we structure the devotional. So that, you know, you read the story and then there's a 25:27 journal in Prague for you to think about how it personally applies to you and your 25:29 relationship with God. And then if you are in a relationship and you want to 25:33 read it with your significant other, there's a couple of corners, which is something we 25:38 really like to do in our relationship where we sit back talk about K, you know how how 25:42 is our marriage this week? What can we do better? Where could we Was, you know, the 25:45 best part was the part that could you know me better and you put it in the book is a 25:50 couple of corners. So you can reflect on the story and the topic and then discuss the 25:54 question with each other. >> Not that couple. love that. We have a devotional book, but 26:00 your book pulls pick couples from the Bible. So what name some couples? So we have. 26:10 >> Adam Eve, of And so all the ones we know Jacob power back of the have you or and that we 26:17 the Acela I since the fire really like and we since I know you might want to like, 26:24 especially the couple's where you might only have 2 to 3 verses about the couple. What 26:29 can you what can you take away from what the scripture I have no, you don't have just a bill 26:33 and they have. Do you haha? >> We did the good stories and then not so pretty. 26:42 >> like that. I like that because the Bible is a real book. I've told people so 26:45 often in a 35 years of pastoral ministry have told people you need to watch a 26:51 movie, read the live in the Attic. in a close you have told people if you want to see 26:58 life as a really happens, how it has happened. The Bible is a good place to go. And then 27:03 allows the theater of the mind to come into play to see that. I mean, just go back to and I 27:10 said, make up and a nice yeah. Exactly. Like of Jacob and Rachel the question we always 27:18 ask. >> How did not know on Apple was and I know not know what 27:28 she did in soundproof Gauze for the rest of the way. My would you not know those 27:34 interesting stories and you have them in the book to right 30 different couples. 27:40 >> What can be does expect from tokens of love. I think that they can expect a journey 27:47 through the Bible from Genesis all the way to revelation that will encourage them. That will 27:52 challenge them to study the word of to try to you know, we also incorporated go deeper 27:58 scripture. So this is this far too much, you know, context for us to cover just in a 28:02 brief devotional. So we do the south, some of the scriptures for folks for folks to be able 28:05 to dive into into study out themselves to this so much there, you know, in the 28:09 scriptures that we just compare line upon line and precept precept. 28:12 >> We can just see beautiful things that got is no inspiring. And given to us in 28:16 his word for us to learn from. So that that journey through the love stories in the Bible 28:20 and just encouraging them to constantly put God first and they're left 5 to conflicts, 28:24 surrender to him and stick to has worsened. They can apply to the lines. 28:30 >> And it ends with the ultimate relationships, rice and his bride. because we can 28:36 read these stories and of course, is a personal application to us here on 28:38 Earth. But the most important is understanding God's love for us as his his bride so 28:45 yeah, hopefully as as people study they can see God cares about loving relationships, of 28:51 course, personally individually. But also as a home in the way that he wants 28:54 to save us. >> You know, before the problem, sure is that I want 29:00 watch out for you because you might some questions right now. But scientific, okay. Be 29:08 married 7 years. Can you recall your first conflict and how you how are you with that 29:12 conflict in Yes, >> Now, you okay. If you talk about youth about how do how 29:21 do you deal with conflict? >> You know, we get along pretty well. So when we do 29:28 have conflict, it's usually something pretty pretty major where there's a breakdown in 29:33 communication that's probably like, are they use? We're something happens is we have a 29:38 breakdown in our communication, even within fully share something with 29:42 their expectations there that we didn't communicate what we typically like to do is and 29:48 we'll be up hours. I know it's bad, but if we have a disagreement, we're up and 29:52 we're talking until we feel like we've reached a point of it being resolved. And the way 29:57 we do that is we talk about what the issue is and he explains his side. I explain 30:02 my side the thing we need to clear up, we use a lot of active listening. So OK, when 30:05 I heard you say all right, you know, this is what I believe. You're you're saying and we 30:11 use a lot of that. And we we start talking about solutions, OK? So what can we do to try 30:18 to just all it's going? Yeah. What's what's going to work with can helping we talk to 30:23 those and it could be 02:00AM. Haha. The interesting thing is that for the first 6 months of 30:28 are there We actually did not. >> Read more any type of disagreement whatsoever into 30:33 one of our friends at the time. And after this. And you all have or are you would have 30:37 a need know can give it. Give it time. >> Haha. And so, of course, 30:43 and the weeks to come from there, it was maybe something with the channel something 30:46 like that just became a source of a disagreement. like you said, sure. And a lot of it 30:50 oftentimes comes down to poor communication, except I where where she said something and I 30:56 may be interpreted it one way and then got my mind just ran with that. The rain with that 31:02 story and that became what she was trying to say to me rather than me digging a little bit 31:07 deeper in saying this is what I heard and then giving her the opportunity to say, 31:10 actually, that's not what I meant to say that allowing her to refine it. Yeah. 31:14 >> Conflict is mostly around working together to do some things. I think now that's 31:22 parenting. And yes, you do this that I do that, that that's probably right active 31:26 listening talking about. Yeah, I about that. And oh, I mean, even be in a relationship 31:30 coach since 1989. >> You mentioned something that's true about those 2 and 31:36 a calm, but we stay up and talk. >> Yes, we we would like case 31:40 and know it's not really enough. Okay. Repeat that Hear you say, that's a wise and 31:49 warned you will boys important to you. And so these are things and I'm glad you 31:51 pointed out because sometimes couples just want avoid. talk about avoidance and you know, 31:58 some people high and avoid and slow on on on And so those who along confrontation high and 32:06 avoidance. >> I want to talk about it. And it's like putting dirt 32:10 under a rug. before, you know, you're tripping over that. You realize all right. It was just 32:16 I was just dust for months ago, but I just could put stuff and are there now to So 32:21 we talk about everything. Yeah, we like you said to 2 in the morning. If you have to. 32:28 Yeah. >> Those are where you now yeah. 32:33 >> Yeah. But no. We have to talk and think just personality wise. We truly 32:38 want to seek to resolve it because we know that there's not much that comes between 32:43 us. So if something has come up, we should really probably a 32:47 >> And even though we we teach this stuff, we oftentimes struggled tell people about 32:51 him that the cycles of avoidance feeding into, you know, partner dominance and 32:56 how when you're scared of a new that feeds into self-confidence. And so we 32:59 talk about that. But even in our own relationship, we still have to learn how to be 33:03 assertive. Yeah, how to ask for what you want and how to, you know, avoid slipping 33:06 things underground, too. >> That's right. I'm not teaching that the couple for 33:10 many, many years. And that's true. I'm here in the words and phrases that I use part of 33:16 the dominance of yeah, you know, kind asked what you want. Yeah, right. what I 33:20 would often say about that, but about asking for what you want. Look, you don't what you 33:27 Yeah, I'll be shocked if you can ask snow may ask for what you want and then say it. even 33:33 when we want to go out to eat, you know, >> things like that you decide 33:36 use. We don't do that. So let's go to tidy tonight. log date night as what you'll 33:43 discover in question period. >> Is that one always the first to the other than to is 33:49 not necessary, right? That's right. It's like we want to go. What do you want to know? 33:52 What's moved by? What do you like to do? And I told the young couple wants that as I 33:55 was counting the the mayor just that, OK, stop, stop, stop. He asked you where you 34:00 want to go. You ask him was he young lady all 7 years from now. You're going to figure 34:06 out Youve America 7 years and had not one of the request fulfilled mission. Keep 34:10 different back to him. Yes, that's good. I like that. You you talk about those types of 34:13 things. >> Yeah, that's an interesting concept because there is a 34:19 component of serving one another and a marriage where I'm seeking to serve him and 34:22 what is it that you need and how can I help? You know, with your day or make your life 34:28 better? But you have to balance that with your individuality in your personal 34:32 needs as well. You have to be able to still communicate like, well, no, I I I'm 34:37 serving you, but I still have a desire to go to X, Y and Z for like you said our date 34:41 night. And so there's a delicate balance between the 2 that you have to and knowing 34:47 when to exercise that assertiveness and when to draw back and let it be a moment of 34:52 service service definitely takes, you know, the Holy spirit guiding you and and 34:56 instructing you in that way. Because even though you're too >> individuals, even though 35:02 you're married and one of the Lord. Yeah, 2 different, very haha. 35:10 >> Which Bible couple resonated with you? The most in the union motion that you 35:14 >> with the into this and you go for OK, so I might be a shocker. my couple that 35:23 resonated with me. The most as we're writing the book and studying 35:26 >> Was actually Jose and Gomer. >> So so Jose in Gomer, story 35:31 of the of the Prophet who >> you know is I'm instructed by the Lord to marry this 35:37 woman who's been very, you know, actually active another, you know, in with other. Yeah, 35:40 there are other other individuals. And so the end of having their family and, you 35:46 know, establishing themselves and then she runs off with another man is and what is the 35:51 lower tell tell Jose to do that to going to seek out her? Right. And so I think even 35:57 though that it is a very hard situation to even imagine for someone to go through today. I 36:01 think that just the message behind that of God likening that relationship to the way 36:06 that he seeks after assess his wayward children, children who have run U.S. train gone, you 36:11 know, w****** ourselves and you do the Friday of different You know, outside of the 36:15 country outside of the boundaries of the Lord has given us. He's constantly 36:19 seeking after us him pursuing us. He's being intentional and just desiring us and letting 36:22 us know that I want you. You are mine. And I think that that is that have resonated 36:28 with me so much because my entire story of concept pursuing may be running this 36:33 direction, that the right But the honestly being persistent and sending Brandon, I'm right 36:37 here. Come to Beautiful mind was unable in ABA County. >> And that one is actually 36:45 title love and lovable. I'm so naval. His name meant means a fool his character proved to 36:54 be the same. He lived up to his name and he maybe he did something that really upset. 36:58 David, to the point when David, like I'm gonna come and kill you and everyone in your 37:02 household Abigail on herring that this was David's intention, you know, got 37:08 herself together and she tried to go meet him along the way and basically intercede. 37:12 Right. And she said upon me, let you know the folly let the iniquity of my husband fall on 37:20 just to know that she knew she was married to. She knows character. I'm pretty sure 37:24 this was not the first instance of >> some type of foolish 37:28 decision, but she instead of saying going to David and BMI, that was him. 37:34 >> Spare me by the he's crazy. You know what like that? She said no. Let let it be on me. 37:39 I'm so sorry for this decision he made and I'm sorry for. >> You know how this is going 37:43 to be. And she put it on herself. And that really showed me. Are you loving even 37:48 when the person is not being really level even when you know something might be going 37:54 on. That could really personally affect unity, play. Are you still finding the away 38:01 to Sullivan the way God loves us because that's essentially what Jesus did for us. He and 38:04 Jesse did. I'm on that. That penalty that was meant for us. He he stepped in and so that 38:08 was my favorite couple just to see a wife being willing to honor her husband who? Quite 38:15 frankly wasn't probably deserving of that. And she still did Pat. And, you know, 38:17 he still ended up passing from the shock of the news What had occurred. But just to see her 38:26 honor him in that moment that really stood out to me beautiful and they are many 38:32 couples in their model. And think the whole situation with Hoffman Phineas and and the 38:36 death of. When they died. The large Eli and I think from his wife, lost her child. Yes, you 38:49 know, it combines the glory of the Lord has departed some some amazing stories in the 38:56 Bible. that's really good for him. And Sarah, how are they in your book? Oh, There was 39:00 some couples we had to choose, OK, which direction or which also and there are many I 39:04 would a brand like. >> I don't know what he's like. Pick the one that's you 39:09 know, really meaningful. Like where you get the real tokens. So, yeah, there were 39:13 definitely some couples. Are they so many angles and Abraham and Sarah was one of 39:17 those. Oh, yeah, I forgot they and, you >> Sergei Surrogate, mom. So 39:24 many single him lying about her has seen his wife like this. So ways we could have 39:29 taken that stories they're in there. >> And you know that the 39:34 greatest 7 is always hear about the fact that the Bible was not written by men as 39:36 shows all their weaknesses. Men wrote the Bible. They wouldn't really talk about all 39:42 the junk. All We have a talk by his good side. Shows us that in our frailty he can 39:49 still use us. That's a beautiful message about about marriage what else is on the 39:55 hot honey? just enjoying this. >> just will not back was in Goma. That was one of my 40:02 Fitzsimmons called. >> In remembering how got always brings us back. You 40:05 want to overtake your lovers? That's right. talk about that. But hit the 3 children. You 40:09 noticed their names. Oh, yes, anonymous to the progression of the relationship. Just real 40:13 men got SOS and the mean no mercy in this house and law. You mean that not my toast. It 40:24 went from. >> Not a bad Haha. All of a sudden it got really bad. You 40:30 know, you know, no mercy in this house and got ready to shoes. 40:34 >> Insensitive and intentional to got to the point where low low, I mean that not my child. 40:38 And then she left. >> Could you imagine being named after your parents 40:44 issues in their marriage and know that? That's, you know, I'm thinking 40:51 >> You can clearly see how the trauma was affecting everyone in the household. the names. 40:56 Yeah. A lot go to the next question. I just remind our viewing audience yes about the 41:01 fact that you can send your questions in. Yeah, it's so wonderful to see God blessing 41:03 a couple up. >> rewinding a videotape to remains a If we win, that's 41:13 solid. I mean, we took a while to grow up. We you only needed. Haha. going. I knew 41:26 from you may want to have some questions. While we get together. We can answer those 41:31 questions in a way that I believe God will be out of. The blast will bless you 41:34 through the answer is want to send them by email. Send them to live at TV. That's L I V E. 41:40 >> At 3 ABN DOT TV or if you want to test those 618-228-3975. If you're 41:50 driving 618-228-3975. Do not drive and text. We have. >> Appreciate Okay. Have 41:59 another question. What should Christians do when Dowd in God's interest? So his plan 42:04 for the for their love >> this was probably the foundation of how I started 42:14 this journey of understanding that God cares about who I'm my I was reading the story of 42:21 Adam in need. And that's the first time that I really start to see guys, the match where, 42:26 you know, Adam was created and he had, you know he had gone through name and the animals 42:35 and realize that he didn't have somebody just like him and God put him to sleep and 42:40 he creates the for him and he wakes up and he sees he has a he has a mate. And then when I 42:47 was looking at the story, I was like God created every person on this earth. He knows 42:53 me better than I know myself. And so what I want to trust the one who knows me. To to 43:00 match me with someone because he will know the person that I should be with even better 43:03 than I could. And that was the moment where I really started to believe a God. You are able 43:08 to do this and you care because if you care that deeply from the very beginning 43:13 of creation to do this for Adam and Eve. You can do it for me. So to anyone who is 43:18 feeling discouraged anyone who probably doesn't, no, if God cares about their love life or 43:23 anything like that, that's what I would say is God is the ultimate matchmaker. He's 43:27 better than any of these websites ease. But it, you know. 43:31 >> meeting you to another like he's really the best and being surrendered to that. 43:35 Interesting that as your foundation is is so essential to that journey, knowing that 43:42 he's willing to do that for you, I think is is is crucial to trusting in the process 43:48 right now. said Web he pulled 8. >> Through different right. 43:57 But do you think of that? >> I think we've we've encountered many couples in 44:02 our lives so far who have sought to find love and the variety of ways that are 44:06 available nowadays. And I think that I'm the most important thing I think is 44:12 that the principles of Ghana, the principles of the Bible still apply regardless of what 44:14 you're doing on this, I think and you can certainly find love online. You can find 44:19 someone who across the cut across the country of some of you may have never even met 44:23 before, but they may be someone who lines in terms of your belief in terms of what 44:28 you value in terms of how you live your life in care of yourself. And that could be a 44:31 wonderful, happy marriage. And we know several of them that have we have taken place in 44:34 and that one another through online. I yeah, I think that it says most important, I 44:39 think is that these principles here are couple regardless of how you meet somebody in the 44:43 store online. You know, the church and so on so forth. >> Yeah, I think a while ago 44:49 it probably consider it a little tab. Moved to to go on a website and need someone. 44:54 But I think now with technology and realizing how you we can can I'm sure people 44:58 watching this right now are in different countries realizing how technology has connected 45:02 us so much it's not Ted Lieu anymore to consider meeting someone online. So it's I 45:11 think as long as when you're meeting your go into that process, you still, of course, 45:16 include the Lord all allow the Holy Spirit to guide your decisions that that that's 45:19 what's most important. Yes. >> Well, that that's so true because we live in the 45:24 technology that you can avoid. You can say, well, leave technology out of my 45:29 relationship. That's not going to happen is too late go back in 97 by area of our lives. 45:35 Even to the point where we think along the lines of maybe what we just saw on the 45:40 Internet, all we just heard on television, what article we just ran shapes. Everything 45:47 about us. IPads, iPhones with the doesn't really matter what the platform technology is 45:51 intrusive in our brains. are not designed to assimilate all that information. So some 45:57 somebody maybe been DJing on something that they're watching on the Internet. Was 45:59 it to YouTube or whatever the plateau, maybe and then all of a sudden it away from 46:04 conversation that you might say to husband. Now we talk about that. What you hear 46:12 about on the Internet maybe that's the kind of where we're in. So glad you said that 46:15 because this generation coming I a for young people to even on the Bible. It's challenge. 46:21 Yeah. Yeah. That's why I'm glad you want husband question at 46:32 >> in your transitions. >> You know, viruses, husbands love your wives. How does that 46:39 translate to you? Because you're not just a husband, but you're a dad now want take 46:43 children into the picture because you have the balancing of the of the family. Yeah. 46:47 The ministry, you have the differences of opinion. If the conflict behind we raise the 46:52 as a husband. What seems to be? Put one hot spot young strength and the area that you 47:00 feel you can be stronger Sure. That's a great as a wonderful question. And actually so 47:04 thankful to the scripture, my Bible with open too. >> First, Chapter that tells 47:11 us, you know, if God so loved us that we ought to also love one another. And we know that 47:14 God's love is a sacrificial love. And I think that when I think of husbands love your 47:21 wives, I interpret that receive that as an instruction for me to be self-sacrificing 47:25 in my marriage. When I when we first got married, I think that we have to go through. I 47:30 have to go through a time where I was learning how to love my wife. I was learning 47:36 what it actually meant to die to myself. That marriage is really not about me. America 47:38 is actually a bow. How can I best serve my wife? How can I best put a smile on her face? 47:44 How make her laugh today? What can I learn about her today? That will help our 47:48 relationship continue to grow and continue to be a healthy, you know, got romance. So for 47:52 me, that's that's really where my mind began to go. As we get into those first early years 47:56 of marriage even today, I think I'm still learning how because we are. I think, 48:03 definitely are. And so, you know, as we continue to mature to adapt to the different 48:07 phases and stages of our marriage, you know, early on, we were in that honeymoon. 48:12 And, you know, first, you know, phase. And then now we have children's like our 48:16 personalities begin to developing our characters begin to mature and I think 48:18 that that's where I'm going. I'm growing and how to love through the stages of our of 48:26 our relationship. And I think that I'm strong in knowing who she read, it isn't and what 48:30 she values and what's important to her. she continues to grow into mature 48:33 into the beautiful life, that she is a mother that she is. That's what I'm looking to 48:36 grow. Continue to improve. >> And I'll tell you what, I can't. I can't really tell 48:41 that that's a growth area for him because he's really doing it. So whatever he's if if you 48:47 are wrestling, I don't see that the cause. The Lord is doing no work. We've 48:53 definitely encountered a lot of situations, especially for me health challenges where my 48:56 life was on the line and in different moments of our marriage, are really saw him 49:02 sacrifice. And I really saw him put into action. The vow and the commitment that he 49:07 made to me when we got married. So that's that's an encouragement to And that's 49:18 beautiful. that's really nice because when you think about the challenges. 49:20 >> Truly. And as you said, still learning you have to 39 years. We are still learning 49:26 to because we are people who are not stagnant, not train for all he would grow. We 49:33 could all this life because the come at you from different stages of life, the world 49:37 around you, you know, it's going to rain. It's going to be sunny they're going to be 49:43 cold days and warm days as you may have even read the books, 4 Seasons of Marriage, which 49:49 is right. Everybody still go into a season. And even if you're in the winter, what's 49:55 coming next? break. So just hold on to that. that's the next question. We have the 49:59 money. >> How can singles prepare themselves for a healthy, 50:04 happy marriage? >> Oh, that's a wonderful You know, there's a variety of 50:09 that's that could be a whole workshop itself. I to give just one tip, though, on on 50:13 that on that question would have to be the importance of surround yourself with 50:19 like-minded people. also striving to, you know, Tartan don't pass up on the romance. 50:24 So people who are looking to honor God and their relationship, people who are 50:28 going to encourage you and pray for you and you can be vulnerable with them. You 50:32 could share with them hears from struggling in his right knee prayer. His encourage 50:35 Mundt and those people are going to be willing to be in your corner and also people 50:38 know couples who are happily married like yourselves. 39, 39 years of marriage. You can 50:44 come around those those singles and and that sort of give them a glimpse into the 50:49 way that God is moving in your marriage the way the working in through your in your 50:54 throughout the decade that saw together and that that is really giving hope to a 50:57 singles to know that the surrendering to guy taking a day after day certain to get 51:02 year after year. This is the got has a plan that he desires for you to follow in terms of 51:07 your relationships and you can actually experience healthy. Happy Holly romance. That's 51:10 what I would say. >> And I would I think self-awareness is huge. Do you 51:18 know yourself? Do you have you addressed any trauma in your life? I know for me, you know, 51:23 I grew up in a single parent household. My parents were divorced and so understanding 51:27 how that affected me. If I could understanding, you know what contributed to the voice 51:32 of the breakdown of my family can help me moving forward with, you know, the next 51:37 generation. And I think we don't realize like we will bring baggage. We bring things 51:43 with us to merit. So as much as well, if you're single, you're preparing your design. 51:48 Marriage, do the work of being aware of who you are and what it is that you would be 51:55 bringing in 2 and a marriage what type of home would be established with someone like 51:59 you a lot of times there's focus on the person that I won or, you know, does this person 52:06 how what you're looking for? But it's like you have to be that as well. And you have to 52:08 be aware of who you are. So that's what I was is do the work of self-awareness. 52:17 imagine going to a high sense of self with very So where to whether living in combining 52:21 your life with someone else than ever we're talking with single sometimes always have 52:25 long list of what they're looking for. Another person. And we always tell them be who 52:30 you are looking for, focus on being who you're looking for, that that's most important. 52:34 The individual journey that your charging, you know, >> I'm glad you brought that 52:38 up because sometimes as head of couples, who do you want to be the best version of 52:42 yourself, which you wouldn't really know what that is. >> She decides to hike. Paul 52:48 says examine yourself tested, prove yourself and this very good. We talked about that 52:53 trailer. >> You know, we had the trail and talk about that and stuff 52:56 in your life depending on how long you've been around. You have a lot of stuff in your 53:01 trailer, right? But it is number. He's a vocal trailer trash. 53:04 >> And people didn't understand. Okay. But what you're talking about a set, 53:07 it's the stuff we drag with a you come from a different background, choose from or to 53:13 force home. He's from a why. >> My 35 while you bring that dynamic in a few merged how we 53:23 you and you got married. >> But you need if you want to say you don't have to go out 53:30 sign him. 20 22, OK? Yes, sir, right free a dog. 22 years. And one business 24 years and 53:36 another. That's a combined of how many years? 46 yeah. So you know, just combined 53:42 Mercedes 20's here, selling cars and 2 to 22. 24 years selling cars and things 53:46 Mercedes and who stay He's a sports car. Your luxury >> When you think about 54:03 combining that much goes into that the way you think about money in the way, think about 54:06 family the way you think about a marriage, whether or not it's going to work out of my 54:10 mom and dad worked and or how many? Yes, it brings. I think we need have one sibling out 54:17 One of >> I want them to case of I knew baby they even that 54:25 dynamic, your birth order. That definitely. >> how you approach life and 54:29 decisions as well. That born. I'm I'm the second warrant. Yeah. And we're both young. 54:35 Both the youngest. Yeah. about that is when your families, you know, he's here with the 54:39 young guys. Yeah. Haha. >> makes a difference. But up, what about your role as a 54:46 mother and a wife? Yeah. What's my weekends and what's U.S. 54:51 >> I would say the week is for me is not letting. The responsibilities overwhelming 54:58 to the point that I'm not pleasant to be around. Exactly. Good point. There is 55:02 a lot to you know, there's a lot of people tugging at me and my husband I'd like you 55:09 said, have a four-year-old. He has his needs and have a 10 month-old. I'm, you know, 55:13 nursing her. So she's always looking for me. Yes, and that can be a lot for one person. 55:20 So yeah to So it's important for me to be aware of, you know, and I'm thankful my 55:25 husband's patient with me. But to be aware of, how am I showing up and being because 55:28 at the end of the day daily, God reminds me that all of this. It's all a blessing. And 55:35 yes, it's a lot of work, but just be present in the moment enough so that you can be So 55:41 that's probably an area where I'm I'm trying to, you know, sometimes the Brooklyn was to 55:51 come when you know exactly what we area around it. We trying to grow. 56:07 >> But I think where I am doing good as I understand that I you know, I stay home 56:13 my children. I'm fully dedicated to this place where God has the right There are 56:18 many things I could be doing with my life and with the gifts talents. He's given me. 56:21 But I've chosen to be home to be present. And I said if I'm going to do that and I need to 56:26 make sure it's the best I can give. So that's right. Robin Li. 56:31 >> My so you can tell me if I'm and it does help. patient has been yeah, like a much but 56:41 I think yeah, you exude pace characters. If a it really praise the Lord for might be 56:52 good enough for Brooklyn. it's just what you need is yes. Kind knew exactly. Is another 57:02 firecracker. >> mom used to say when one is the final one must be the 57:09 water. You know, the moment that was that's true. I know you've been listening to. 57:14 >> Brandon and and we have a lot more to cover in the second now. But I want to 57:18 remind you once again, if you know question. >> Live at 3 ABN dot TVs and 57:23 those questions, sex them in 6, 1, 8, 2, 2, 8. 39. 75. And you might even in a short 57:29 break, go to look up that book. Tokens of Love Not Calm and begin implement what that 57:35 looks like. We'll be back in few moments here. But so don't go away. The best is yet to 57:40 come go to your question. Yes, we all find out more about love in the second 57:46 ♪ ♪ |
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