Participants:
Series Code: PUP
Program Code: PUP000005A
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00:02 What's wrong with you, Lauren?
00:04 Nothing. Something's wrong. 00:06 How about you get over here, we can talk about it? 00:09 Dad didn't call to wish me happy birthday. 00:12 He hasn't called for two whole weeks. 00:14 I hate when he starts calling and then he ends up stopping. 00:17 Your dad's in jail. 00:19 He is not going to call you every day. 00:20 Snap out of this mess. 00:22 I know that but he can at least call once a week. 00:24 When he calls and I'm not here, he gets mad. 00:27 Then I wait around for him to call back 00:28 and he doesn't call for two weeks. 00:31 It's bad enough that I have to worry about 00:32 taking care of you all by myself. 00:35 I do not want to hear you complaining about 00:36 your father calling or not calling you. 00:39 This is him now. 00:42 Hello. 00:44 Yes, I will accept. No. 00:46 What do you want? 00:47 And I am not sending you any money. 00:49 First, you are the reason I am in here in the first place. 00:50 I don't want to talk to him. 00:52 Put my daughter on the phone, woman. 00:55 Hold on. 00:56 I am putting him on speaker. 00:58 Hello. 00:59 Lauren, this your daddy girl, how you doing? 01:02 Fine. 01:03 You doing good in school, 01:04 you better be making good grades. 01:06 Why? You don't care. 01:08 You didn't care it's my birthday last week, 01:10 and you said you would be home for my birthday. 01:13 All you care about is your birthday, 01:15 I'll be there for the next one. 01:16 Anyway, you ain't the only one with a birthday, 01:19 I have a birthday too, 01:20 and I have to spend and locked up being here 01:22 with Burb and Beebo. 01:24 I am tired of you calling with foolishness. 01:26 How about this? 01:28 You call and you give positive attitudes only. 01:30 I don't know why she wants to talk to you anyway. 01:33 Who you think you are talking to, woman? 01:35 I will come through this phone and I will... 01:36 What? 01:38 Hello. Hello... 02:17 Thanks for allowing us to put the camera in your home 02:20 and we thank your husband for allowing us 02:21 to take his voice on the phone call. 02:24 So how's it going with you guys now? 02:27 Are you still there? 02:28 I'm still here, don't worry about me. 02:31 Wow! 02:32 So how's it going now? It's not going good. 02:34 He is always telling her yes, to everything I say. 02:37 It's not like he can pay for the stuff 02:39 that he's telling her yes to, 02:40 and then I'm stuck with the bill 02:42 and telling her no. 02:43 She's crying all the time, she's always disappointed 02:45 because he makes promises he can't keep. 02:48 Okay, what was the last thing 02:49 he promised that he would give... 02:50 A phone! A phone. 02:52 She already has a phone, now she wants a smartphone, 02:54 she can't have a smartphone. 02:55 He is not paying for it so I'm left with the bill, 02:58 no, she's not getting a phone. 03:00 She can have a phone. 03:01 She is just too strict on her. Strict? 03:04 What's wrong with her having the phone? 03:05 And well maybe I'm locked up, 03:06 I got to do something to let her know I still love her. 03:09 Where is your money? 03:11 You're the money, you're the money. 03:12 There is the money. No. 03:14 Okay, so... 03:16 It sounds like you guys 03:18 are kind of really stuck here at this place. 03:21 See I am promising things, 03:23 the phone, that is a big expense. 03:25 Do you realize how much phones are? 03:28 She's talking to you. 03:30 You talking to me. I'm talking to you. 03:32 How am I gonna know how much phones is, 03:34 I am locked up. 03:35 We have phone calls for free in here. 03:37 No, you don't get them for free. 03:39 No, I pay for those. 03:41 Okay. Yes. 03:42 So you may not understand that it is pretty expensive, 03:46 the smartphone could be a $600 thing. 03:48 So what other kind of things has he been promising? 03:53 Well, he promises that she can go places with her friends, 03:56 those are not the rules in my house. 03:58 He tells her she can go anywhere anytime, 04:00 it doesn't matter. 04:02 He doesn't know the people he's telling her to go, 04:03 just go off with. 04:05 But yeah, I'm stuck with having to always tell her no, 04:07 so I look like the bad guy. 04:10 Look, this called parenting stuff 04:11 ain't going to work like this. 04:13 She's saying one thing, 04:14 I am saying something or the other, 04:16 I have a right to say something too, you know. 04:18 Well, we'll see. 04:19 We just saw the video 04:21 and you heard the video of you on tape 04:23 so let's try and look and see 04:25 if we can flesh out some things that may be going on 04:28 that's leading to some problems in the relationship. 04:32 So can you tell me some things 04:34 you've noticed about yourself when you heard the video? 04:38 About myself? 04:40 Let me tell you I've some proving I needed to just say it 04:42 ain't no walk in the park, 04:43 you got to get hard and here I get beat down. 04:46 So maybe, I ain't so touchy feely 04:48 like she want me to be 04:50 but this is how it is, real life. 04:52 You know, you act like everything is hard inside 04:54 and this just so easy out here, 04:56 it's hard raising a child by myself. 04:58 And then you make it worse 04:59 because now I'm fighting with her 05:01 for things that you've already promised her. 05:02 Wow! 05:04 Well, I will get them when I get out there 05:05 since you don't want do it. 05:08 Okay, but let's go back to the point. 05:10 Did you hear anything 05:12 and we are dealing with you first. 05:13 Did you hear anything on the video 05:17 that you may be doing even with Lauren, 05:19 she says, you know, you said you were going to call, 05:23 you're not calling for two weeks at a time. 05:24 Is there anything that you can contribute 05:27 that you're doing that may be 05:28 causing some friction and conflicts in the home? 05:32 Well, I can't just call anytime I want to, 05:34 we got schedules where we can make phone calls. 05:37 So have you talked to Lauren about that, 05:38 have you said that to her? 05:41 I don't really know. 05:42 Maybe I said it, maybe I didn't, 05:44 I ain't confessing to nothing right now. 05:46 Oh, confessing. Okay. See. 05:48 See, this is what I deal with. 05:49 This is crazy. 05:51 It sounds like it's very, very difficult for you 05:53 to make this transition from your family, 05:58 this is your family, 05:59 these are not inmates, the judge or the attorneys, 06:05 this is your family so you're not confessing anything, 06:08 you're actually communicating to your family so. 06:14 Well, I see stuff having there, 06:15 maybe I didn't expect, you know. 06:17 Lauren's growing up without her dad there, 06:20 you know, but she gets to acting like 06:22 normal teenagers act that way, 06:24 she'll get used to it, and then when I get out, 06:27 then I'll take care of business. 06:29 Okay. 06:31 Well, but we don't know for sure 06:33 when you're going to get out, 06:34 so what we want to do is try to do as little damage 06:39 as possible with your absence. 06:41 So we want you to kind of recognize if there's anything 06:45 that you may be doing that may contribute to the problem, 06:49 and you coming up to mom so. 06:51 Okay. 06:53 Well, I probably don't had to be so mean to her 06:55 but like I say, it's a tough life. 06:58 Okay. So I want you to do one favor. 07:01 So just say what you could do better 07:04 and then just stop there. 07:05 I could be kinder to her. 07:07 Okay. And then, what else? 07:08 Is there anything else that you noticed on the video? 07:13 Well, I just stated, promised her 07:15 she can have stuff without telling her 07:17 when I get out, I will get it for her. 07:19 Okay. Well, that's kind of a same thing. 07:21 Is there anything else you could do, 07:23 instead of saying anything about getting her something? 07:27 Boy, just not promising nothing and just be a deadbeat dad. 07:31 Well, promises don't make you a good father 07:37 and it doesn't make you a deadbeat father 07:39 if you don't give her promise. 07:41 So there's not, you won't be a deadbeat father 07:44 if you don't promise stuff that you can't give. 07:48 So let's go to the mom. 07:50 So is there anything that you heard on the video 07:52 or saw on the video that you do? 07:56 Well, I guess always have attitudes when he calls. 07:58 Right, you were really angry before... 08:00 Because I am always just assuming 08:02 he's going to do the same thing. 08:03 He's only either ask me for something 08:05 or promise her something 08:06 which in turn requires me to do something. 08:08 So it still ends up with me doing something. 08:10 So it's like, it's a lot on you. 08:13 It is. 08:15 And I think some, it's going to be a lot on you 08:17 because this is the situation that you're in right now. 08:20 And I'm afraid that if he continues this, 08:22 it's not going to change when he gets out, 08:23 so I mean, I'm exhausted now. 08:26 If it stays this way, he might as well not come home. 08:28 Oh, I'm coming home. You can bet that. 08:31 I'll be home sooner than you think, 08:33 and I'm gonna take care of my daughter 08:34 and I'll buy her what I want to buy. 08:37 Okay, so I hear you 08:39 and I understand that both of you are frustrated. 08:42 I recognize that being in prison 08:46 almost heightens the desire for you to get out 08:49 and lavish your daughter with the love 08:52 and all the things she ever wanted. 08:54 I hear you wanting to have the burdens lifted, 08:56 you want some of the struggles to be lifted. 08:58 Something. 09:00 Let's take a little time, 09:01 I feel like we're at an impasse, 09:03 so let's take a little time and see a quick prayer, 09:05 and then ask for some wisdom. 09:07 Can we do that? 09:08 We can do that. Okay. 09:09 Dad, did you hear me? 09:11 Yeah, go ahead. 09:12 Okay, so. 09:14 Bless by His most honorable Father, 09:16 we are so grateful for Your goodness. 09:18 We are grateful for that this family, 09:19 this couple want to do better, they want to do the best, Lord. 09:24 Now it appears that they're at the breaking point, 09:27 so we're asking you Father to step in with wisdom, 09:30 guide them, lead them, 09:32 soften and subdue their spirits. 09:34 In Jesus' name we ask 09:35 and we give You all the praise and glory 09:37 for the healing that You are going to bring about here. 09:40 In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. 09:42 All right, so let's talk about how this is affecting Lauren? 09:47 And maybe, he can understand 09:49 a little better what you are going through. 09:52 How is it affecting Lauren? 09:54 Well, it seems like she just manipulates the situation. 09:56 There are times when I told her that she can't have something 09:59 or she can't go somewhere, and she will wait so he calls 10:02 and then she will asks him the same thing. 10:04 And so now it puts he and I at odds, 10:06 and I just feel like I'm always fighting, 10:08 if I'm not fighting her, I'm fighting him. 10:11 I don't know, it's almost like 10:12 she's emboldened by whatever he says 10:15 and so I feel like I'm the outsider. 10:17 So, dad, do you hear what she's saying? 10:20 Yeah, I heard her. Tell me what she just said. 10:23 She said, "It is all my fault." 10:25 Okay. No, I didn't hear that. 10:28 Okay, this is what, could you say it again 10:30 just make it short but say it again. 10:34 I'm tired of fighting my daughter and my husband 10:38 when it relates to parenting my child. 10:41 I don't feel as if they are wanting to do 10:46 what's right for everyone in the house, 10:47 I feel like it's just them against me. 10:51 Did you hear her that time? 10:53 Yeah, I heard she think we're ganging up on her 10:55 but sometimes when I talk to Lauren, 10:57 I say yes, she can do some. 10:59 Well, she said, "Mom said she could do it already." 11:02 So I can't tell whether she's telling the truth or not. 11:06 Okay. 11:07 All right, so then there, 11:08 there we have Lauren giving you one story 11:11 and she's giving her mother a different story, 11:13 so that's really important that you keyed in on that. 11:18 And also, I understand from him, 11:21 did you hear what he said earlier about being in prison? 11:26 I know it's hard for him. 11:27 I really get that. 11:29 But not just that it's hard 11:31 because, of course, it's hard, it's hard for everybody. 11:33 This is a hard situation 11:35 so let's just, it's a given, it's going to be difficult. 11:38 But did you hear him when he was saying that 11:42 he wants to do the best for his daughter? 11:45 I understand that. 11:46 Okay. I do too. 11:48 But doing the best doesn't always mean 11:49 saying yes to everything she asks for. 11:52 But when you have only yes as your weapon so to speak, 11:58 then that makes it more, 12:00 you know, you really go to that 12:02 because imagine being in prison and he says no 12:05 and then I saw Lauren stomping around, and moaning, 12:08 and rolling her eyes, of course, he wouldn't see that 12:10 but he would just know the silence 12:12 after she drops the phone. 12:14 How can that go 12:15 and then he doesn't get to call her for another two weeks, 12:17 he has that to carry. 12:19 So everyone has a difficult time. 12:22 Let's talk about how you guys have tried to resolve this. 12:25 Have you tried to resolve it at all? 12:28 Well, I tried talking to him about it, 12:29 but it's almost like 12:30 he minimizes everything that I say. 12:33 He doesn't think it's a big concern 12:34 when I'm the one that sees her, 12:36 I am the one seeing her attitude, her disrespect, 12:39 her rudeness, I see that, he doesn't see that. 12:42 Well, did you notice, did you... 12:45 Has he talked to you about that how your daughter 12:48 is given her a lot of attitude and disrespect, 12:50 has she said that to you? 12:52 She says something about it, you know, 12:54 but I'll be trying to talk about it some later time 12:57 when I get more time to spend on it, you know. 13:00 I can't just sit on the phone discussing that stuff all day 13:03 and then she get all mad about that, 13:05 well, what am I gonna do? 13:07 I just got to get mad too. 13:08 Okay. Well, you... 13:12 What else could you do instead of getting mad? 13:15 Well, I could just hang up the phone like she did, 13:17 how would that be? 13:18 Okay. 13:19 Well, I don't think that will be very helpful. 13:21 So basically, it sounds like you have tried to talk to him 13:25 but he's minimized the situation 13:28 which he's saying he is overwhelmed 13:31 because he doesn't have the time 13:32 to actually spend on the problem. 13:35 So let's try some strategies even with you being in prison, 13:39 let's try to do some things different. 13:40 Will you promise to try to do something different, 13:44 dad, can you do? 13:45 I try to do something different but every time we're talking, 13:48 whenever we talk about Lauren, 13:50 then it just starts blowing up 13:51 into a big discussion and argument, 13:54 and I just had to, 13:55 "Who's starting, who's starting, 13:56 calm down a little bit," you know. 13:58 I deal with he's always upset. 14:00 I guess we both are always upset, I don't know. 14:01 Yeah. 14:03 In this upsetting situation is not again an easy situation, 14:08 I can appreciate both of you 14:10 and the effort you're putting in trying to make it work, 14:13 and trying to parent her and co-parent together. 14:16 So let's take a look at some things 14:18 that could possibly happen. 14:19 Now I want you dad to ask questions, 14:23 you guys ask questions 14:24 if you don't understand what I'm saying 14:25 because it's very difficult to parent 14:29 when one person's in one spot 14:30 and the other person's in another spot, 14:32 and communication becomes very, very, very important. 14:35 And I don't want anyone coming back and say, 14:38 "Well, that they're busy. 14:39 I could, I don't have to, 14:41 I want you to understand clearly." 14:44 So if you need any extra information, please ask. 14:48 Okay? Okay. 14:50 So when you... 14:52 The first thing I want you to do 14:53 is become a broken record 14:55 and the first question you're going to always ask is, 14:58 what did your mom say? 15:00 What did your dad say? 15:01 Okay. 15:03 You know, so if Lauren comes to you and says, 15:05 dad, Lauren comes and said, 15:07 "Mom said, I can climb the mountain with this family 15:10 that I don't even know." 15:12 What will you say to her? 15:14 I guess I will check to see if what her mom says 15:17 but I don't have a lot of time on this phone call, 15:19 so we have to make it quick on that. 15:22 Oh, okay. 15:23 So and that's another thing too, good for you. 15:26 I'm glad that you brought that up. 15:27 Supposing, you could check with mom 15:32 and ask her before Lauren gets on the phone, 15:34 what things are coming up? 15:36 What have you guys been dealing with? 15:37 Have you ever done that before? 15:39 No, we just start arguing, 15:41 I just want to talk to my daughter 15:43 but we're cool, I am cool with that, 15:44 we can do that. 15:45 Yes, you can ask, you know, what is going on with Lauren. 15:49 And supposing your wife wants to allow Lauren to go, 15:55 you know, to the Himalayas and you don't, 15:58 well, if she says, "No, she can't go to the Himalayas" 16:00 and you don't think 16:02 there is anything wrong with it. 16:03 What will you say to Lauren? 16:05 Just ask her to put her mom on the phone, 16:06 I will check with her again. 16:08 Okay, cool. That's very good. 16:10 But what if she says no 16:11 and you think that Lauren should be allowed to go. 16:15 What will you do in that situation? 16:18 Again, I guess we just need to discuss it, 16:20 two adults to sit down and discuss it first, 16:23 then we make the decision 16:25 and tell Lauren how it's going to be. 16:27 Is it at all possible 16:28 since she is the primary caretaker at this point, 16:32 is it okay for you to say, 16:34 "Well, your mom said, 'You can't go.' 16:35 I think it might be good, it could be good, 16:37 I don't know but she says no 16:39 so that's what we're going to stick with for right now." 16:42 Yes. Fine, I can do that. 16:43 Okay. Okay. 16:45 So let's talk about, talking about things as two adults. 16:48 So in some ways I heard on the video 16:51 you seemed a little bit condescending to him. 16:56 It's almost like, "Well, you are not here 16:58 so I don't care what you think," 17:00 but he's still the parent 17:02 so he's to have all those rights, okay. 17:05 So in discussing, you can't say no 17:09 and, you know, he's agreed to allow you 17:12 as a primary caretaker, 17:14 so you now have that right to say that, 17:15 but he needs to be heard as well. 17:19 Okay. 17:20 So you think that in family discussions you can actually, 17:24 you know, consider what he's saying. 17:27 I can do that. Okay. 17:29 I think I can do that, yeah. 17:31 So how does this seem for you dad, 17:33 you think you can do any of those things? 17:35 Yes, I'll do it. 17:37 Okay. 17:38 Is there a possible, 17:39 a possibility that you two could just 17:41 have conversations by yourself without Lauren? 17:45 Yeah, I think I'll enjoy that. 17:48 In those conversations 17:50 they are not to be talked about parenting problems, 17:55 you know, prison problems, 17:56 your goal is to get out of prison 17:58 so your mind is not going to be staying there, 18:01 we want you out. 18:02 So they can talk about plans that you have, 18:05 you know, maybe a job you may need to get, 18:07 maybe some training, 18:08 so there are other adult issues that need to be discussed. 18:11 So what do you think about that, dad, talking to her 18:15 but not about parenting and not about prison, 18:18 just putting a boundary on what your private conversation 18:21 with her and be about? 18:22 Yeah, that will be fine. 18:23 We'll have a sedate adult conversation like we used to. 18:26 Right, you know, it could be lovey-dovey, and family, 18:29 and, you know, you all can even talk about 18:31 some dates you might want to go on. 18:33 So let's not, that's part of your marriage, 18:36 that's very important part of your marriage as well. 18:39 And then one more thing I would like for you to do 18:42 is to discuss important parenting decisions if that... 18:48 when it's time to just talk about those. 18:50 Important parenting decisions will be buying Lauren 18:53 something that's very, very expensive, you know. 18:56 And if money is tight that could be, 18:58 you know, something as simple as a pair of shoes, 19:00 so if money is tight, you have to run then by her 19:04 or you run then by him as well. 19:06 And then trips that Lauren may want to take with other people, 19:10 other people coming into her lives. 19:12 And then what about dating? 19:14 How's that going to play out for Lauren 19:16 and that's important. 19:17 And, you know, mom, I would like for you to do something, 19:20 share with him some good things that's going on with life 19:23 so that he can feel proud of his child 19:25 and not feel so left out, you know. 19:27 She's made good grades in school 19:30 or if she has done something at home, 19:33 you know, talk to him about it and share it, 19:35 and that will make your load a little bit lighter, okay? 19:39 So we've talked about some things that are, 19:43 you guys can do. 19:45 Do those seem simple enough to do? 19:48 Yeah, I think I can do all of those. 19:51 Well, we don't, we always try to just work 19:53 on one or two at a time, 19:54 and what I really want you guys to start with 19:56 is working on talking together with each other 20:00 about parenting issues 20:02 and having a separate parenting phone call, 20:05 can we do that? 20:07 Yeah, I am good. Okay. 20:09 And I think, dad, it's very important for you 20:12 to be a broken record, 20:13 that's very, very important, okay? 20:16 All right, so our time is up and until next week. 20:21 Go home and try those strategies 20:22 and let's see how everything works out, okay? 20:24 Okay. Thank you so much. 20:25 All right, thank you for being on the phone. 20:27 All right. I will talk to you later. 20:34 So hi. How are you guys doing? 20:36 We are doing good. Doing good. 20:37 It's so good to see you at home now 20:40 and out of prison now, that's... 20:41 Yeah, I am glad to be here. 20:42 I tell you what in prison there 20:44 you got plenty of time for two things, 20:46 reading and working out on weights. 20:48 I worked out so much 20:49 and I got to wear these sweats all the time. 20:51 Oh, okay. Well, that's good. 20:53 But now that you're home from prison, 20:54 how is everything going? 20:56 Well, it's going well. 20:58 We're working together as a team. 20:59 Okay. Finally, yeah. 21:01 Yes. Oh, okay. 21:03 So let's check this... we took this video in prison 21:06 and we want to thank the prison administration 21:10 for allowing us to come in 21:12 and we have you when you were in prison and from your home 21:15 so we do want to thank you. 21:17 So let's take a look at the tape 21:18 and see what strategies are working for us. 21:21 Okay, sounds good. 21:23 Dad is going to call for my birthday today. 21:25 He should be calling in a few minutes. 21:27 In fact, this is something he sent for you. 21:31 A birthday card. 21:32 This is him, now. 21:34 Hello. 21:36 Yes, I'll accept. 21:39 Hey, honey, how you doing? 21:41 Hi, baby, I'm doing okay. 21:42 How are you making it? 21:43 Oh, I'm doing well. 21:45 Lauren can't wait to talk to you. 21:46 Hold on one second. 21:48 Hi, Daddy. 21:50 Thanks for the birthday card 21:51 and thanks for calling like you promised you would. 21:53 Oh, you know, I really wouldn't forget my daughter's birthday. 21:57 And I wish I could be there in person. 22:02 Well, I am not sure, sweety, 22:03 I have been talking to my lawyer about that 22:05 but I don't want to talk about me. 22:07 How you've been doing in school? 22:09 I've been doing good. 22:10 I got an A on my last math test. 22:12 Oh, that's terrific. I knew you would. 22:14 You're such a smart little girl. 22:16 And how did your friend Lovona do? 22:17 I know you like to compete with her on your grades. 22:20 She did good too. 22:21 Guess what, we went to the zoo on our field trip. 22:24 Well, that's terrific. 22:25 What kind of animals did you see? 22:27 Well, we went into the penguins little habitat 22:29 and it was super cold in there 22:31 but it felt good since it was hot outside. 22:34 Also, the elephants were spraying water on people. 22:37 We also saw the polar bears, 22:38 they were swimming around and playing with each other. 22:40 The rhinos were just sit... 22:42 Wow! What a change. 22:44 That is phenomenal. Yes. 22:46 Man, you guys have to be pretty proud of yourself. 22:49 Well, I think we did a good job together, you know. 22:51 And those counseling sessions 22:53 she gave me in prison really turned things around for me. 22:55 Oh, okay. 22:57 And I really hope the prayer that you guys did together 22:58 and that we did together helped as well. 23:01 So tell me, I'm seeing from the video 23:03 that you're working together, how is it like? 23:05 What is it feeling right now? Terrific. 23:08 We've never been that close before 23:10 and I feel much closer to my wife 23:12 than I was, you know. 23:13 And things were just kind of wild when I was locked up 23:15 but now that I am out, 23:17 I am making it my goal and purpose to be here 23:19 for her as well as for Lauren. 23:21 Oh, okay. 23:23 That is a difference. 23:24 Yeah, and I am a whole lot less frustrated and stressed. 23:27 And the house just seem really calm and peaceful. 23:30 We are able to talk a lot more about things not just us 23:33 but also with Lauren as well. 23:35 Oh, so when you're talking about Lauren now, 23:37 you're not falling apart, you're not arguing, 23:40 there's no contingent? 23:41 No, in fact, it's kind of funny 23:43 because she asked my wife that if she could do something 23:47 and then she has came and talked to me about it 23:50 and Lauren was surprised, 23:51 she looked like a deer in the headlights 23:53 because we were now working together 23:55 instead of her being able to manipulate us. 23:57 It was really crazy, it was funny. 23:59 Okay, so, Vince, have you had any incidence 24:03 where you would say yes to her after your wife said no. 24:07 Well, you know, we worked on that 24:09 during this therapy sessions 24:11 and I really focused and tried hard not to do this 24:14 so it's been a lot better, don't you think? 24:16 Yeah, he's definitely been trying it. 24:18 We've just been talking a lot more. 24:19 So yeah, we're a team on things 24:21 that we have expectations for Lauren about, 24:23 we try to talk to before we even talk to her, 24:26 that way we are on the same page. 24:27 Okay. 24:28 So you were feeling like 24:30 you had to be the hard heavy guy all the time. 24:32 Is that gone now? 24:33 It's gone, yes. Oh, good. 24:34 I think we both play the good bad guy, 24:36 we kind of trade off on it depending on the situation, 24:39 but I think it's definitely more balanced now. 24:41 Have you had situations where he was too harsh, 24:44 maybe in parenting and you did not agree with his parenting? 24:48 Yes, so we've had some disagreements 24:49 but we've learned to just talk about 24:51 those outside of Lauren being there. 24:53 I mean, it works a lot better 24:55 because I think that she feels like 24:56 she has control of our situation 24:58 when she is there. 25:00 So we try to do a lot of that talking, 25:01 you know, usually when she's not around. 25:03 And what I've learned is 25:05 teamwork really does make the dream work 25:07 when you're dealing with your children. 25:09 You got to work together as parents 25:10 or you're just going to mess things up, 25:12 and the children are smart, 25:14 they'll figure out that you two are fighting 25:16 and they'll go around your back and manipulate you, 25:19 so we've really been doing a lot better, 25:21 thanks to your advice. 25:22 Okay. So those are strategies and suggestions. 25:26 So how is your daughter now? 25:28 Definitely, more respectful. 25:30 Oh, yeah, definitely. 25:31 Not so many tantrums, 25:33 not so much bad attitude going on at the house either. 25:37 Well, time is lying down quickly, 25:39 so I want you to tell me at least one strategy 25:42 that you like the most, that was the easiest for you. 25:46 I say communication. 25:48 And as it pertains to our relationship 25:51 because you did suggest that we talk more about things 25:54 that involve us as opposed to always speaking about Lauren 25:57 and it's worked out a lot. 25:59 I think our relationship has grown so much 26:00 because of it and we have our date nights, 26:02 we have our moments 26:03 where we can just spend some time together. 26:05 Yeah, I agree. 26:07 Adult conversation which was missing, 26:09 that's really made a big difference. 26:11 Now we know more about each other as individuals 26:13 and we can focus on making sure 26:15 that we train our daughter up properly 26:17 according to the way that the Bible would like us to. 26:20 So were there any strategies 26:22 that were particularly challenging 26:25 for either one of you? 26:27 Yeah, for me it was probably just including him 26:30 in a lot of the bigger decision making things 26:34 that we need to do concerning more. 26:36 I think that it worked out. 26:37 He was very patient with me along that process. 26:41 I think I've gotten a little bit better with that. 26:43 What do you think? A lot better. 26:45 And, you know, the thing that I was challenged 26:47 most by was just when Lauren would come 26:49 and asked me some deferring it over to her mother, 26:52 you know, because I want to jump in there 26:54 and be the dad, right? 26:56 But I've gotten much better at just saying, 26:58 "Ask your mom about that." 27:00 Well, our time is up, 27:02 so let's have a brief word of prayer before and close out. 27:05 And I'm so happy things are going well. 27:08 Most honorable Father, 27:09 we're so grateful that You have sent 27:10 Your healing power to this family. 27:12 Lord, we know that You will work with all families this way 27:15 and so we praise Your holy name. 27:17 We thank You for giving us wisdom 27:19 and for them being able to use the strategies 27:21 and being willing to use the strategies to go up. 27:23 And dear Father, we ask for all the Christian families 27:25 around the circle, the globe 27:27 that they will turn to You 27:28 in times of trouble and discord 27:30 and above all things not give up 27:32 because You are the healer of all things. 27:34 In Jesus' name we do pray. Amen. 27:37 Amen. Amen. 27:38 Thank you. Thank you very much. 27:39 You guys praise God, okay, and have a great day. 27:42 All right. 27:46 Remember, you must work together as parents. 27:50 It's so easy for children to learn to manipulate 27:52 when parenting efforts are disjointed. 27:55 Sometimes your spouse will be wrong, 27:57 taking sides with the child empowers them way too much 28:01 and they become more defiant. 28:03 Remember to press together. 28:05 A home with divided parents will not stand. 28:08 Also remember to communicate often and a lot 28:12 so that you won't miss the signals from each other. 28:15 And one last thing, 28:16 please learn to forgive each other 28:18 because again mistakes will always be made. 28:21 And you parents make this a great day. |
Revised 2018-04-26