Participants:
Series Code: PUP
Program Code: PUP000003A
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00:02 Look, girl, I thought, I told you
00:04 to get this mess cleaned up. 00:05 You should detail her, Mom. 00:07 She never does anything you tell her to do. 00:09 I already cleaned up this room. 00:11 Who are you talking to like that? 00:13 I said get this mess cleaned up. 00:15 First of all, I'd need you to get out of my face 00:19 and stay out of my face. 00:21 I already cleaned this room up yesterday. 00:23 Oh, no! Oh, no! 00:25 Oh, no! 00:26 You have me confused with somebody else. 00:29 Whom you think you're talking to, 00:31 if you don't get this mess cleaned up, 00:33 we're going to be planning a funeral in here today. 00:36 Yeah, Mom, she is always talking back to you. 00:38 Get out of my way, Gerick. 00:40 And don't start that crying in 00:42 because I can't help you with that. 00:44 Now can I get a witness up in here today? 00:46 Yes, ma'am. 00:47 Get this mess cleaned up. 00:49 Do you want this belt? 00:50 Gerick, I'm not going to need no belt 00:52 because we are going to planning a repast today 00:53 until if your room is not cleaned up too. 00:58 What are you doing? 00:59 You're just making an extra work for yourself. 01:01 Why are you putting those clothes in that box? 01:03 I told you to get them up and out of here. 01:05 But you said to put them here 01:07 because you're going to give them away. 01:09 I told you not to talk to me that way. 01:12 What are you doing? 01:14 But you said to do it! You said! 01:16 Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 01:17 Are those the clothes 01:19 that I'm going to give away to the church? 01:20 Oh, well, finish putting them in the box 01:21 and give me that box. 01:26 No, a second thought, you carry it. 01:28 Come on, here. 02:10 Thanks for allowing us to put this camera in your home. 02:14 And we captured some of the stuff that's going on. 02:17 Well, that's happened this past week. 02:19 You know what, that little girl gets on my last nerve. 02:22 Just looking at that just makes my blood pressure boil. 02:25 We're having to come between them all the time. 02:28 So you had more incidents like that this past week? 02:31 She is so disobedient and so disrespectful, I just... 02:35 It's hard for me to keep my temper. 02:37 Okay. Is she disobedient and disrespectful to you? 02:39 Always, always. 02:40 Never wants to do what you ask her to do. 02:42 Always got lip. 02:43 I don't want lip, just do what I ask you to do. 02:47 Okay, so is her brother... 02:49 Is he more respectful? 02:51 No, he has his moments too. Okay. 02:54 So both of them are the same way. 02:56 Yeah, but he's not as often. 02:58 Yeah, he doesn't get on your face that she does. 03:00 You know, she and I just go just... 03:01 Yeah. 03:02 Toe to toe, all the time. 03:04 Yeah, I saw that on the video. 03:05 How long has that being going on? 03:07 A long time. A long time. 03:09 A while, yes. 03:11 You know, this thing like when she turned like 12, 03:14 you know, all of a sudden it just came out of no where. 03:17 Okay. All right. 03:19 So after reviewing the video, 03:22 is there anything that you could possibly be doing 03:24 that may contribute to this situation? 03:28 I saw that look on your face, what does that mean? 03:31 Well, you know, I guess, 03:33 we could talk to them differently, 03:34 but they anger us so much. 03:37 You just want to snatch them up. 03:39 They're not listening, 03:40 you try to explain what you need done 03:42 and instead of just doing it, you get all of this back talk. 03:45 You know, if I had talked back to my mother like that, 03:48 I would be on the floor. 03:49 Yes. I would be on the floor. 03:50 Yes. I would be living on the floor. 03:52 That's where I would be. 03:53 Well, you know that we live 03:55 in a whole different time now, right? 03:56 Yeah, yeah. I guess. 03:58 And although there is no mandate 04:01 that corporal punishment is completely illegal. 04:04 You know, if you accidentally put a bruise on her, 04:08 that's a problem, right? 04:10 And that's what they say. Yeah. 04:12 I wish she would. 04:14 Well, that's a legal problem. 04:16 And you do understand that if you come in here 04:18 with this legal problem, I may have to... 04:21 I'm a mandated reporter, so I have to report that. 04:24 Okay. Okay? 04:25 Oh, yeah, you didn't say number or word, okay. 04:27 Well, I'm not saying to beat him and don't tell me. 04:31 What I'm saying to you is, 04:33 we're going to have to really work hard 04:35 to pull you back a little bit 04:37 so that is not that aggravating. 04:39 I noticed that you snatched her, she seemed okay. 04:43 Yeah, she was fine. 04:44 And I really like the way when she got in your face. 04:47 I was for sure, she was going 04:49 to get up off the floor for real. 04:51 And it will be all over the video for everybody to see, 04:53 but you walked away. 04:54 The love of God. 04:56 Yes, and I just praise God for it 04:58 because that's not what I want to see on any of the recordings 05:01 that we bring in here, okay? 05:03 So let's do our very best, 05:04 we have to lower the level of anger in the home 05:08 in some kind of way. 05:09 Okay. Can we agree to that? 05:11 Okay, okay. Okay. 05:12 So let me ask you, how do you think that children 05:14 are affected by this style of parenting? 05:20 This style of parenting, what do you mean by that? 05:22 I mean, it's a lot of shouting... 05:27 I turned out fine. 05:29 My mother and father did me, 05:31 and they kept me at bay by getting in my face, 05:34 and snatching me up, and... 05:36 My daddy beat me with a water hose. 05:38 So this is what works. 05:40 They have it easy as far as I'm concerned. 05:42 Okay. 05:44 So you're saying that this is what works? 05:45 It worked for me. 05:46 Well, I mean, we turned out okay, didn't we? 05:48 Well, yeah. 05:49 But you're in a therapist office right now. 05:52 Well, but that's for the kids, that's not for us. 05:54 Oh, okay, okay. 05:55 But let's see about that... 05:58 There are times, 05:59 the times are just so much different now. 06:02 You know, you could actually go to school with a black eye 06:05 that your parent gave you, 06:07 and the teacher would say, 06:08 "She should have done more than that." 06:10 Right? But we don't live in those times anymore. 06:13 And not only that, you guys may recognize that 06:16 if I'm not going down on the floor, 06:18 that's enough. 06:19 Some people will knock the child down, stump on them, 06:22 kick them, 06:23 you know, till the child has got broken ribs. 06:26 So no one wants that on their conscious. 06:29 And I may, you know, I don't want to hurt my children, 06:31 I don't want my children to be afraid of me. 06:34 You know, I just want them to mind and be obedient. 06:36 And obey. Okay. 06:39 Of course, we want them to obey, okay? 06:41 So but I'm going to take you back to the question, 06:44 how do you think this... 06:46 Maybe let me not say parenting style. 06:48 But how do you think hollering, yanking, 06:53 screaming at them affects them? 06:58 How they see themselves? 06:59 Their self-control... 07:01 I mean, their self-esteem. 07:02 And, yes, there's self-control, there is self-control. 07:04 They probably, they scream back 07:05 because I'm screaming at them so I do see that. 07:08 Okay. So they're going to retaliate. 07:11 And that kind of, sometimes, I just kind of... 07:12 Well, think for one movement. 07:14 So you said that they are like that that they... 07:18 What was that word you said retaliate? 07:19 Retaliate. 07:21 But I'm going to say, they have learned to respond, 07:24 the way you taught them. 07:27 This is how we talk to each other, 07:30 what do you think about that idea? 07:33 It's just an idea. 07:34 Yeah, it's kind of tough but that's all right. 07:37 Yeah, they always say a child does what you do, 07:40 and not what you say. 07:41 And you talk about your father with the... 07:44 What is it a core? What kind of a thing? 07:46 It was a water hose, a piece of a water hose. 07:48 Okay, and that's very interesting 07:49 that in this very heated movement, 07:51 does that comes back to your memory? 07:53 Yeah. 07:55 Did you think that was right? 07:56 No, I don't think it was right. 07:58 Do you think it's right today? 07:59 No. 08:00 So what we can see is that 08:02 there are levels of abuse, isn't it? 08:03 Even though, you know, you're not hitting them 08:06 with a water hose, may be what you're doing 08:09 could be causing a little bit of damage maybe. 08:13 Well, I never thought about it like that, 08:14 I never compared it like that. 08:16 'Cause, you know, like you say, you're doing better, 08:19 and you are, for sure 08:20 because I can almost believe there's a whole host 08:25 of other behaviors your dad did, 08:26 cursing at you, name-calling, 08:28 you know, and maybe beating you with other things as well. 08:32 But just because he did those things, 08:35 and you turned out well, 08:37 doesn't mean every child is going to turn out well 08:39 under that type of pressure. 08:41 What do you think? That's true. 08:42 Okay. I guess that's true. 08:44 I never thought about it like that. 08:45 I didn't like looking at that video 08:47 and seeing those things happen. 08:49 It kind of harsh. 08:51 Sometimes when you step outside of yourself, 08:53 and you actually see what kind of behavior... 08:56 It was actually little embarrassing 08:57 because you all had the cameras in there. 09:00 And we have to watch that with you. 09:02 Right. Right. 09:03 Yeah, I could see your point. Okay. 09:05 So one thing he is pinpointing out radius 09:08 that they have learned to communicate in aggressive 09:11 and maybe harsh way. 09:13 So that's one way that it's affected them. 09:15 Is there another way that you can see that has affected them? 09:18 Well, I see sometimes 09:20 that my daughter cringes away from me. 09:22 You know, and like I said, 09:23 I don't want my child to be afraid of me. 09:25 I just want her to obey. 09:27 And I think sometimes, she thinks I'm going to hit her 09:29 which I have never really hit her. 09:31 I mean, unjustifiably anyway. 09:34 Oh, okay, so you never really hit her unjustifiably, okay. 09:37 Okay. 09:39 You know, but I don't want them to be afraid of us. 09:42 You know, and I think that looking at that, 09:46 you know, I can tell that she was a little bit fearful. 09:49 But you know what, I don't want you to be too hard 09:52 on yourselves either because guess what? 09:55 Your parents modeled for you, 09:57 so you learnt that this is the way we do it. 10:00 You know, we knock them down, 10:02 you know, we holler at them at the top of our voices. 10:04 Now we almost threatened their lives, 10:07 you know, to the brink of death. 10:08 I think you even say 10:10 that you're going to have a repast dinner, right? 10:11 I don't know if she knows what that is, 10:13 but, you know, that's... 10:14 She knows what it is, she does tell... 10:17 Oh, okay, so I'm sure those weren't caused by you 10:20 in any way but, so she some... 10:22 So you guys learned this, and now it's time to unlearn... 10:26 Apparently, the Holy Spirit has been working with you. 10:29 And so that you feel in your heart 10:31 that there's got to be a better way, 10:33 would you agree with that? 10:35 Yeah, there is. I don't want to yell. 10:38 I would just want the respect when I'm asked for something. 10:41 And sometimes, I feel like I have to yell 10:44 in order to get the response that I'm looking for. 10:46 Okay. 10:47 You know, my mother when I think about her, 10:49 my mother yelled all the time. 10:50 I mean, all the time. 10:52 You know, my brother and I would just get sick of it. 10:54 You know, all into the night, 10:55 she'd be screaming and yelling at my dad. 10:58 And so, you know, what kind of message do you think 11:00 that sends to children. 11:02 What do you think that it says 11:03 when you're hollering about everything? 11:05 That that's the way to communicate. 11:07 That's the way to communicate. 11:08 Anything else? It's very negative. 11:10 It is. 11:12 It communicates just a negative atmosphere. 11:15 There's something's wrong with them, 11:16 they're unlovable, they're unlikable. 11:19 You know, if I could get rid of you, 11:22 I would because I'm so tired of this. 11:25 I really do love my children though. 11:28 But did that video say I love you? 11:31 No, that didn't look like love at all. 11:32 Okay. Okay. 11:34 So let's talk about what kind of changes 11:36 you would like to see in your family. 11:38 What would you like to see? 11:39 Just be out of the top ridiculousness with love. 11:42 Let's say that. 11:44 With love you say? 11:45 Mm-hmm, just what you know, how do you want your family? 11:49 I want us to be peaceful. 11:51 Peaceful. Good. 11:52 Good word. 11:54 You know, I want us to cooperate with one another 11:56 like for the household chores, you know, the children... 12:00 I would like to be able to just write out a chore list, 12:02 and they do it. 12:04 You know, and I don't have to just beat them 12:06 over the heads so to speak. 12:07 Well, and it seems like when they get home, 12:10 they should be able to see the chore list and get it done. 12:13 It doesn't happen. 12:14 So when I finally get home, 12:16 I'm expecting it to be already done. 12:19 And it's not. 12:20 And that sends me through the roof. 12:21 So you will like for them to get their chores completed 12:24 before you get home? 12:26 Yes. Okay. 12:27 Anything else? 12:28 Well, you know, I just want them to feel comfortable 12:33 in their own home. 12:36 You know that, I think that's important. 12:38 You know, I didn't feel comfortable 12:39 at times in my home. 12:41 And I said I'm going to... 12:42 I want my children to feel comfortable at home. 12:44 Okay. 12:46 So it's interesting how you 12:48 have the specific ideal about what you want, 12:51 but yet you're doing what your parents did. 12:55 And you actually get what they got, correct? 13:00 I guess if you look at it that way. 13:01 I mean, you're not getting peace and calm from the kids, 13:04 you're not getting cooperation, you're not even getting support 13:07 that when I come home things are completely done. 13:09 Right. Well, I guess the end result is the same. 13:11 I mean, you know, I didn't back talk my parents 13:13 the way that our children do, but... 13:16 Yeah, but you're not knocking them down to the floor either. 13:19 You're not using water hose on them. 13:21 I mean, if my parent use that on me, 13:23 you can almost guarantee anything and everything 13:25 will be done before they get out. 13:27 That's true. 13:28 So let's talk about some ways 13:31 that we can get them to be what we like for them to be. 13:34 Just summarize. 13:36 So first thing we're going to do is just calm down. 13:39 So let's try this. 13:41 I want you to breathe in and breathe out. 13:46 Now this time when you breathe out lower your shoulders, 13:48 breathe in, breathe out, lower those shoulders. 13:53 All right, okay. 13:54 I want you to this time see yourself talking 13:58 to your daughter in a calm way. 14:01 So when you know, you have to tell her 14:03 to clean up her bedroom, 14:04 make sure you think calm first. 14:07 Okay, you think you can do that? 14:08 Okay. I can try. 14:10 Okay. 14:11 And you can even start this on your drive home. 14:13 So you could start on the way home. 14:16 I want you to notice, 14:17 if you're hungry or tired 14:20 when you turn into them like that 14:22 and if you are, take care of the hunger first. 14:25 Because I can almost guarantee 14:26 they're not going to run and clean up the room. 14:28 So you won't have to speak to them 14:29 so the problem will still be there, 14:32 just take care of those other factors for us. 14:34 Maybe if you're tired, go take a nap. 14:37 You know, you don't have to address a problem, 14:39 right then, right there. 14:40 Okay. And then remember... 14:42 Well, that's interesting. 14:43 I never thought about that that I could just come in 14:45 and do some me time. 14:47 Yeah. 14:48 Yeah, you could just do me time on the way home, you know? 14:51 So and then one more thing is to make sure 14:54 that when you speak to them about, 14:58 you know, problem, remember, 14:59 some of this stuff is just part of growing up. 15:02 Now let's be honest, did you rush home every day 15:05 and clean up your room 15:06 because you just love cleaning up rooms? 15:07 No. No. 15:09 No. 15:10 So it sounds to me like you guys 15:12 have made a move away from your parents 15:14 what they were doing. 15:15 But you don't have anything to replace it, okay? 15:18 Okay. 15:20 So let's try replacing some of those things. 15:21 And let's see what happens, okay? 15:24 So our time is up now. 15:25 And we'll get back together next time, okay? 15:27 All right. All right. 15:29 You guys have a good day. Thank you. 15:30 Thank you. 15:32 Okay, so how are you guys doing now? 15:36 I think on your scale of good, better, best, we're doing good. 15:40 Okay. 15:41 So can you tell me what's going on currently at home? 15:45 House is calmer or quite or peaceful. 15:48 Good. 15:50 And I took your advice and when I come in, 15:52 and I just don't want to have to deal with anything. 15:55 I go in and run me a nice hot tub of water. 15:57 Look at that. 15:59 And get in and just relax. Oh, that is nice. 16:01 You know, put some relaxing instrumental music going. 16:04 And then I don't have to deal with it and then I'm calm. 16:07 So when I come out... 16:09 You know, then I'm calmer. 16:11 All right, all right. 16:13 Well, thanks for allowing us to put a camera in your home. 16:16 So let's take a look at what we got this week, 16:18 some pretty good stuff. 16:22 Mom, I'm home. 16:24 Oh, hi, Sweetie. How was your day today? 16:26 Good. 16:29 How was yours? 16:31 You know, it was a little bit rough. 16:33 And I had to bring some work home 16:34 because I didn't get quite finish with it today. 16:35 Where is your brother? Oh, he is... 16:37 Hi. How are you, son? 16:40 How was your day today? Good. 16:42 How about you? It was good. 16:45 Okay, so, you know what, 16:47 I thought I asked you guys to clean up in here yesterday. 16:49 We did. 16:50 You did? Yeah. 16:52 Yeah, Mom, let me show you. 16:53 Okay. 16:55 I fixed the breakfast bar. 16:58 So did I. 16:59 Oh, you guys did a good job. 17:01 Thank you. You're welcome. 17:03 And look, how nice the living room looks. 17:06 Oh, okay. 17:07 Well, except for the stuff that you're all just doing here. 17:09 Can you guys get that up? 17:11 Thank you. Yeah. 17:14 And, you know what, I'm pretty sure that this box 17:17 doesn't belong here on our dining room table. 17:20 Well, that's because we put the clothes 17:22 that you wanted to give away in there. 17:24 Oh, that was a good idea, 17:26 you decided to put them in a box. 17:27 I was thinking actually about a bag 17:29 but this is a great idea. 17:30 Okay, I tell you what, 17:31 can you guys put them in the car for me? 17:34 So that we're going to put our service tomorrow, 17:36 if they already be in the car and we won't forget about them. 17:37 Mm-hmm. Okay. Great. 17:39 Thank you. I'll open the door for you. 17:41 I love you, guys. 17:42 Love you too. I love you too, Mom. 17:47 You guys have done well. 17:49 I know you're very proud of yourselves, ha? 17:53 Yeah. I'm proud of the kids really. 17:55 Okay. I am. 17:57 Well, first let's give you a little some props, 18:00 I mean, there was no grabbing. 18:02 Well, that's true. 18:03 And your voice stay so calm. 18:06 And, yes, you even had to correct some things. 18:09 Put this away, put that away. 18:11 And if you have made a mistake, you owned up, "Oh, okay. 18:14 Well, yeah, that's a better idea than what I..." 18:16 Really, really good stuff. 18:18 I'm just so happy for you. 18:19 You guys should be praising God right about now. 18:22 Yes. I know you're having. 18:23 I am. 18:25 It's a much more peaceful home when I come home. 18:28 So I'm really happy about that. 18:31 Okay, so it sounds like you're moving forward. 18:34 We talked about expressing more affection in the family, 18:37 how is that coming? 18:39 You know what, when I go to move towards my children 18:42 just to hug them now, they don't pull back away. 18:46 Oh, okay. 18:47 And I like that. 18:49 Yes, that's much better. 18:51 I noticed that too. 18:52 You have to work on the affection part 18:55 and when I reach around to hug him, 18:58 he kind of looks, I'm like, 19:00 "I'm here for you, I'm your dad, 19:03 I'm not going to hit you." 19:04 So we're getting there. 19:06 We're just not all the way there, 19:07 but we're getting there. 19:09 Just look at your childhoods, just for a brief second. 19:13 So was there a lot of affection in your homes? 19:16 No, not much. 19:19 Not really. 19:20 Not from my parents. 19:22 I mean, like I would like at night 19:25 I would go and give my parents a hug 19:26 before I went to bed, you know? 19:28 But not really a lot coming from them. 19:31 Okay. 19:32 How are you guys with affection towards each other? 19:35 It's getting better. 19:37 You know, when you start talking, 19:39 and you're not screaming, you're talking. 19:42 So that kind of helps to lend more affection. 19:45 If I need her to come in the kitchen with me, 19:47 I might grab her hand 19:48 and pull her in the kitchen or the garage 19:51 whatever I wanted to do. 19:53 But it's little bit more gentle. 19:57 I'm learning. Okay. Cool. 19:59 That's much better too. 20:00 Is that better for you a little bit more gentle? 20:02 It is better. 20:04 Yeah, you know, I'm... 20:06 Yeah, I like it. Okay. 20:08 So which new skills were most helpful for you guys? 20:13 Well, I think you had talked about... 20:18 I think that that taking your time to breathe 20:21 and just that not only helps me to calm down 20:25 but helps me to think about my response, 20:27 instead of just jumping right at them. 20:30 Just take a deep breath which gives me a few seconds 20:33 to think about my response and then I respond differently. 20:36 And if I talk to them in even tones and low tones, 20:40 my response will be better from them, you know? 20:43 And I think that was great too. 20:45 I was going to add to that that, 20:46 you know, you told us to do those breathing exercises. 20:49 So I added a little bit to that and I said breathe in love, 20:52 breathe out peace. 20:54 Breathe in peace, breathe out love. 20:57 And it works every time 20:58 when I'm starting to get a little irritable. 21:01 Oh, very nice. 21:02 So instead of dumping all of that on them. 21:04 Right. 21:06 So how they're responding to your changes? 21:09 They're lot better. 21:11 They're not as irritable, 21:13 they're not as disrespectful, you know? 21:17 As you saw in the video, 21:19 they seem to be willing to help. 21:22 And they look for her approval. 21:25 I saw that. I did. 21:27 I saw that. 21:28 She wasn't trying to be the mom, 21:31 she was trying to get the mom's approval of her. 21:35 That was very nice. 21:37 And I've realized too that 21:38 if I noticed their accomplishments 21:40 and compliment them on those 21:44 that I get a lot more out of them. 21:46 Oh, so complimenting them is pretty good. 21:50 Okay. Oh, that is very nice. 21:52 So I wanted to say peer with the compliments too. 21:55 Be very careful, make sure that 21:57 you're giving honest feedback, okay? 21:59 Because then they will go the left 22:01 and start doing any little bitty thing 22:03 and thinking you should give him high praise and money. 22:06 So that's very nice that you have 22:07 started complimenting them too. 22:09 So do you see just like you modeled your parents... 22:15 Your parents modeled for you, 22:17 do you see now how this modeling thing works 22:20 which ever way you lean they kind of go with it? 22:23 Yes. 22:24 As a matter of fact now that you say that, yes. 22:26 Absolutely. 22:27 It's very interesting to see if you come in yelling, 22:30 you set the tone for the home that evening. 22:33 So then once you... 22:35 You explained it before if I come into the house, 22:37 and I'm yelling and then I get upset 22:39 about all the noise, 22:40 I actually created that environment. 22:43 So I realize now I have a great influence 22:46 on the environment of the home. 22:47 Oh, okay. 22:48 You know, it's just so wonderful 22:50 when parents actually try the strategy. 22:53 Sometimes people prevent the healing 22:56 they got once for their homes but not try anything new. 22:59 Sometimes you hear people say, "I just can't change," 23:02 or, you know, you guys said it when you first came in, 23:04 "My parents did it like this, my grandparents did it, 23:07 and I'm going to do it too." 23:09 And it takes so long 23:10 to get people to just try something different. 23:13 And if they do that, I mean, 23:14 it's the Lord works with you and stuff. 23:17 You know, the Bible says, 23:18 "Iniquity of the Father is going down 23:20 to third and fourth generation." 23:22 But God is showing mercy upon thousands of them who love Him 23:25 and keep His commandments. 23:27 You know, we're going to work 23:28 on those patterns my mom did it, 23:30 my great grandma did, my great, great grandma... 23:32 Those things are not going anywhere 23:34 until we accept Christ way of doing things. 23:38 And when we accept His way of doing things, 23:40 then we can see changes in our lives, 23:42 and then, you know, the pattern in broken. 23:45 You know, some people talk about the generational curse, 23:47 but, you know, I'm just simply saying it's behavioral patterns 23:50 passed down from one generation to another generation. 23:54 We don't see it 23:55 because we've been doing it all of our lives, 23:58 you know, we grew up in it. 23:59 And, of course, we think, "I got spanked, I'm okay." 24:02 But are we really okay? 24:04 We knew that's a whole different system right there. 24:06 So what changes do you see in you? 24:11 What internal changes do you see in yourself? 24:13 Well, you know what, I'm not so quick to get angry. 24:17 You know, the relaxation, the breathing, 24:19 and taking some time for myself... 24:22 I remember there was this movie and the lady always said it 24:25 when she saw something that upset her. 24:27 "I never did mind about the little things." 24:29 And I take that attitude now. 24:31 You said just walk pass something's now 24:33 and then come back to them later 24:35 and deal with them later. 24:36 And it makes everything so much easier. 24:38 If you have to, 24:40 because in the time that you walk away, 24:42 the Holy Spirit can say, "That's not a big thing." 24:46 And I'm sure, He has said that 24:47 because something seems so huge to us 24:49 because we have... 24:51 You know, some stuff is just personal, 24:52 you know, I may not like sock on the floor, 24:56 but it's not going to kill anybody if it's there. 24:58 So not that that we wanted to have socks on the floor, 25:01 but at the same point we don't want 25:03 to just make little things major issues. 25:07 So let's look at some more things. 25:08 So first thing I want to always remind you of this set, 25:12 you do not want to continue to use hitting and grabbing... 25:17 You know, this I've heard this saying, 25:20 trying to shake out one demon, you shake in seven, right? 25:24 So, you know, we're making things worse 25:26 by doing all that impulsive parenting. 25:28 So we want to take our time as much as possible 25:31 and as often as possible. 25:32 There are times for example, 25:34 if they're going to step on an electrical wire, 25:37 that we may have to say, "Stop!" 25:38 But, you know, most of the times, 25:40 it's not that serious. 25:41 Right. Would you agree with that? 25:43 Yes. 25:44 Okay, and so another thing 25:46 we want to also always remember to is that we love them. 25:49 Yes. Very much. 25:50 Yeah, we're expressing our love. 25:52 And you have to remember that when they get older, 25:55 this is how they're going to express 25:56 their love towards you, so that's the problem. 26:00 Well, I want them to take care of me in my old age so I guess, 26:02 I better do better. 26:04 Right. 26:05 For sure. Okay. 26:06 So in general like at work 26:09 are you seeing any changes with yourself at work too... 26:13 Yeah, I can see some adults saying things, 26:16 I start to if any meetings 26:18 and things are going to the left or the wrong way, 26:22 I'll think about what I want to say 26:24 before I actually say it 26:25 because sometimes I blurred out something 26:27 and then get upset because I said it too fast 26:29 and then I realize, 26:31 I shouldn't have said that or said it that way. 26:33 Correct. So I think before I speak. 26:36 And, you know what, for me, the whole process... 26:39 If I do some of the things that you said just, 26:42 it gives me more patience. 26:43 Right. It really does. 26:45 Well, I'm so grateful that you guys 26:47 tried those strategies. 26:48 And let's bow our heads for quick prayer, 26:50 we didn't get to do this the last time. 26:51 Okay. Let me thank God for you. 26:54 Most Honorable Father, 26:55 we're just so grateful for the health and healing 26:57 You've brought to this family. 26:59 Lord, we ask You that You'd continue to help them grow, 27:02 give them new ways, needs and ideas 27:05 so that they can help other parents if have to. 27:07 We thank You so much 27:08 for breaking the generational curse, 27:10 and above all things, we ask, Lord, 27:12 that they will follow You throughout eternity 27:14 in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 27:16 Amen. 27:17 So you guys have a great day 27:18 and take good care of each other. 27:20 Thank you so much. 27:23 Parents, it doesn't take much to injure child. 27:27 You may leave a bruise 27:28 on the outside that will go away, 27:31 but the unseen scars on the inside 27:33 often go undetected until adulthood. 27:36 These scars can become a major hinges 27:39 to fully serving God as an adult. 27:41 If you have a difficult time parenting without anger, 27:45 pick one strategy and use that until it becomes a habit. 27:49 Keep adding until you become 27:50 the calm, loving parent you want to be. 27:53 Here are some strategies that you can use. 27:55 First, you can pray for yourself 27:58 before you get involved 27:59 with trying to solve the problem. 28:01 Secondly, if you feel yourself getting anger, calm down, 28:05 talk to yourselves say calming thoughts. 28:08 Another thing you can do 28:09 is you can actually decide 28:11 not to deal with the problem until tomorrow. 28:14 Remember, that God loves you so much. 28:17 And He loves your child, 28:18 and He doesn't want either of you 28:20 hindered from coming to Him. |
Revised 2018-07-03