Participants:
Series Code: PUP
Program Code: PUP000001A
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00:02 Hey, everyone, I'm home. I just came from shopping.
00:05 Oh, no, you didn't. 00:07 You've been out shopping again, 00:09 spending money that you know we don't have. 00:11 I am sick and tired of you being so cheap. 00:14 Cheap? Yes, cheap. 00:16 If you actually bought things for us, 00:17 then maybe I wouldn't have to buy them myself. 00:19 Besides, it seems as if you love money 00:21 more than you love either of us. 00:23 Yeah, Dad. Whatever. 00:25 Lauren, come see what I bought. 00:28 Oh! Can you play this game with me? 00:31 No, how about we look to these things 00:33 before you start begging for something else. 00:37 You didn't get the blue jeans I wanted. 00:41 You also didn't get 00:42 the light up tennis shoes either. 00:44 And can we play this game now? 00:46 No, we're not playing the game. I bought the game for you. 00:49 How about you go play the game with your father? 00:51 Oh, no, I don't have time to teach her to play this game. 00:55 Anyway, this game is for Lauren. 00:56 I'm a man. 00:58 You play games all the time. 01:00 I play adult games by myself. 01:03 And my games are really hard too. 01:05 I had to cheat just to get to level 50. 01:08 Maybe I'll play this with her later. 01:13 Mom and Dad, you always do this. 01:15 This is just like last week, the week before that 01:18 and other times you guys did not play games with me. 01:21 I do play with you. 01:23 Don't you remember just last week 01:24 I let you help paint the bedroom? 01:27 You ended up leaving and made me do 01:28 all the work by myself. 01:31 She has a point. 01:32 But I am getting tired of you begging for things. 01:34 The more we do for you, the more you seem to want. 01:38 Oh, yeah, and last week you said, 01:39 we're gonna make cupcakes together and we didn't. 01:42 Can we make those cupcakes now? 01:43 No. 01:44 How about you go play the game that I just bought 01:46 before I take it back to the store? 01:47 Please, don't take it back to the store, Mom. 01:50 Oh, yeah, and if you go back to the store, 01:52 will you buy me some of those light up tennis shoes? 01:54 No, I will not. 01:55 What I am going to do is check out my Facebook account, 01:58 and once I'm done doing that, 01:59 I am going to go cook the cupcakes. 02:01 Guess what? 02:02 You can play games with your father 02:04 while I do that. 02:05 You guys never do what you say you're going to do 02:07 and I always have to do things by myself. 02:47 Well, thank you so much 02:48 for letting us put that camera in your home 02:51 so that we could see exactly what's going on there. 02:53 So what's happening now? 02:55 How's everything going? 02:56 It's the same thing. 02:57 She's ungrateful, she's always complaining. 03:00 Always wanting more stuff. 03:02 I get sick of buying her one thing and then next thing, 03:05 you know, she's asking for something more. 03:07 It's like she's never satisfied. 03:09 I don't know what we're supposed to do about this. 03:11 So what was the last thing she asked for? 03:13 She asked for some light up tennis shoes. 03:16 You know, so everybody can see her 03:17 wherever she goes leaving a trail of light, I guess. 03:20 But they're so stupid. 03:21 I'm not paying for that stuff. 03:23 It costs too much. So what about you? 03:25 Has she been asking you for more stuff? 03:27 She's always asking for stuff, more lunch money. 03:29 She always asks for lunch money every day. 03:31 If I send her money to the school, 03:33 she always ends up spending it on her friends. 03:36 I think she just likes the attention. 03:37 Do you think she is buying friendship? 03:40 Maybe, but I don't think she should. 03:42 Okay, no, she shouldn't buy friendship, 03:44 but that could be happening, correct. 03:46 I don't know if she's buying friendship, 03:48 but I think she's stealing stuff too. 03:50 Last week I saw she had somebody's little watch, 03:54 and we didn't buy her that. 03:55 So I don't know where she got it from. 03:57 She just wants stuff so much. 03:59 She is willing to even do that. Anything for. 04:02 Really, anything you think? 04:04 So what did you do with the watch when you saw it? 04:07 I took it and took it to the pawnshop. 04:09 I might as well make some money off of it. 04:11 Sorry. 04:12 You didn't take it back to the school to return it? 04:15 No, I figure she took it, nobody even noticed. 04:17 Okay. 04:19 So what do you think about the video we took of you? 04:22 Did you see any behaviors 04:23 that you may be doing that contributes? 04:27 Well, I guess I should spend more time with her, 04:29 but it's just so hard. 04:30 I mean, I'm just busy. 04:32 And she's always asking for time and attention, 04:33 and I just can't give her that. 04:35 Okay, so what are you busy doing? 04:37 Checking my Facebook account, 04:39 talking to my friends on social media, 04:40 I mean that's important to me. 04:41 Okay, all right. 04:43 What I notice on the video is that we tend to buy 04:46 too much stuff for her. 04:48 Excuse me, I say what did you notice that you are doing? 04:51 Oh, me? Yeah, not we. 04:52 Well... Just you. 04:54 I guess maybe I could spend more time with her. 04:56 You could. But I'm just always so busy. 04:59 I don't have time just drop the hat 05:01 whenever she wants me to do stuff, 05:03 but I could spend 05:05 a little more time with her though. 05:06 So did I hear correctly on the video 05:09 where she said that you started to paint the room 05:13 and you left her to do it, you know, she is only teen. 05:15 She is doing a great job. 05:17 Why would I need to stay there? I had other things I could do. 05:20 This is called efficiency. 05:22 I get her to do one thing, while I go do two things. 05:25 I love multitasking. 05:27 Okay, this has happened a lot though. 05:29 Yes, it does. 05:30 He always has her doing his work, 05:31 things that he is supposed to do. 05:33 Excuse me, you can just stay focus on what you do, 05:35 so this is his. 05:36 Does this happen a lot? 05:38 Well, it happens often. 05:40 But I wouldn't say a whole lot. 05:41 Okay, well, hold on. 05:43 Maybe you can tell him some of the things he's doing 05:46 that leaves her to do his chores. 05:48 Like cutting the grass, 05:50 he cuts the grass, and then in the middle of it, 05:51 he wants to go do something else, 05:53 something comes on TV, 05:54 and he has her continue cutting the grass. 05:56 Okay. 05:57 One time he had her up on the roof cleaning gutters. 06:00 I had a safety rope on her. 06:02 Oh, my goodness. Okay. 06:04 And she didn't get hurt, and the roof looks great. 06:06 This time she didn't get hurt. 06:08 So how many times does this happen 06:10 where you actually have her do something 06:12 that you are supposed to be doing? 06:14 Well, you say I should spend more time with her, 06:16 that's spending time. 06:18 I mean I can spend time with her 06:20 and get done all the honey do items 06:22 that my wife ask for. 06:23 Really? 06:25 Okay, but let's go back to the behaviors 06:27 that we saw on the video 06:29 that you individually do that may contribute 06:32 to her desire to have more and more things. 06:35 Is there anything that you saw on here? 06:38 Well, I think I do spend too much money on her, 06:40 and I think I do that more than spending time with her. 06:43 Okay. 06:44 She spends way too much money on her. 06:47 Every week, she's buying new stuff, 06:49 cuts down on how much money we have to live a better life. 06:53 We do fine. 06:54 We do fine, but we could be doing better 06:56 if you quit buying her all the stuff she wants. 06:59 It's just pulling her. Okay. 07:01 So how do you think these behaviors, 07:04 buying her stuff, only spending time with her 07:07 when you have stuff you need to do. 07:09 How do you think this is affecting Lauren? 07:13 Well, I do notice she's concerned about 07:14 a lot of the things that she gets, 07:16 and it almost places a value on her. 07:18 So it almost seems as if she values the things 07:21 that make her look good, 07:22 and she doesn't really truly see her value. 07:24 Okay. 07:25 Oh, she definitely wants to top name brands. 07:27 You can't buy her something 07:28 that she hadn't seen a million times 07:30 on Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous, 07:33 but we don't have that kind of money. 07:34 And it still seems that 07:36 she's just becoming more and more greedy, 07:39 I don't know where she gets all this, 07:40 buy me this, buy me that. 07:43 Well, okay, so what about... 07:48 How is she getting this stuff 07:49 from the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous? 07:52 How does she get that? Well, she watches TV. 07:54 I know it, but how does she actually get those things? 07:56 From her mom buying her stuff, that's what I'm telling you. 07:59 She gets the charge card and just goes crazy. 08:03 Just charge it, charge it like... 08:05 I don't mind buying her things. 08:06 I think that that's a good thing to have, 08:08 be able to get things for your children. 08:10 Okay. 08:11 That's good, but we can't afford to be going overboard. 08:13 Okay. 08:14 And it's making her materialistic. 08:17 All she cares about is more, 08:19 "Buy me this, buy me that, buy me the other thing." 08:22 So, so far I hear you saying that Lauren is greedy 08:24 because you keep buying her stuff. 08:25 Yeah. Yes. 08:27 But two of you are not spending enough time 08:28 and giving her things. 08:30 And then I hear you saying that Lauren is wanting things 08:35 that are for people who are rich and famous, 08:37 and you don't have the money to get it, 08:39 but somehow you get it anyway. 08:40 Yes. 08:41 And I hear you also say that Lauren 08:43 is focused entirely on getting these things. 08:48 Is that what I'm hearing? 08:49 Okay, so now how is this affecting you two? 08:52 Well, we always argue about money, money, money, money. 08:55 He's always telling me I'm spending too much money. 08:57 Spending too much is not a word, 08:59 we need a new definition for spending. 09:01 And it's not that bad. 09:02 The way she goes at it, my wife's a shopaholic. 09:05 I'm telling you she just shop, shop, shop. 09:07 It was so bad she's such a shopaholic. 09:11 Last week, I stopped at a stoplight, 09:13 she jumps out of the car, 09:14 goes and buys some at the store and gets back into car. 09:17 He is always making up stories. That's shopaholic. 09:19 It did not take me that long to go in the store. 09:21 We were not stopped at a stoplight. 09:22 It took me about three minutes and I was quick. 09:25 Okay. But still shopping. 09:27 We don't have money for shopping like that. 09:30 Come on, we're trying to... 09:31 We have goals and aspirations and spending our money wildly, 09:36 we never gonna get anywhere. 09:38 So what other ways have been affecting you two guys? 09:40 Since I saw, I can see is you're bickering a lot. 09:43 Well, we don't agree about anything either 09:44 because it always comes back to the money issue. 09:46 Okay. 09:47 Once we get past, 09:49 Lauren's shenanigans and the money issue, 09:51 we're gonna have a nice thing going. 09:53 You know, we get to go out and do different things, 09:56 but we've got to get beyond that hurdle first. 09:59 Okay. 10:00 Yeah, it sounds like it's a big hurdle for you too. 10:02 I know it's in the video that you seem pretty angry. 10:05 Are you at the high level of anger often or it's just... 10:09 No, I just get frustrated when people ask for my time. 10:12 Okay. 10:14 So what have you tried to fix the problem? 10:16 Have you tried anything to fix the problem? 10:19 Well, I try not to spend so much, 10:20 but she just goes out and spends. 10:22 She now, she has her own account for spending 10:24 so there's nothing I can do. 10:26 Excuse me, but I say what have you tried? 10:28 I said, I try not to spend. Okay, so let's stop it there. 10:31 But I'm being counteracted by her action. 10:33 Okay, so you try not to spend. 10:35 What else have you guys tried to get? 10:37 Well, I take things from her. 10:38 When she's in trouble, 10:40 I just take the things that I bought 10:41 because she doesn't need them. 10:42 She isn't dealing with consequences. 10:44 And how does that go? 10:46 She doesn't like it. Okay. 10:47 And usually, I give and give it back to her, 10:50 but it works for now I guess. 10:52 Okay, so do you really try not to spend? 10:54 Let me ask you this question. 10:56 Do you have any personal hobbies? 10:58 I notice that you play a game. 10:59 How much are your games? 11:01 I'm buying games on discount. 11:03 Unless it's a new one, of course, 11:04 then I got to get the latest one. 11:06 But, hey, I work hard for my money. 11:08 Okay, so you have to get the latest one. 11:10 Lauren seems to have to have the latest in shoes. 11:13 I wonder is there any connection with that? 11:16 It shouldn't be because like I said, 11:18 I work hard for my money, I have been making money. 11:22 That's what I do. Oh! That's what you do. 11:24 Okay. Okay. 11:26 Any other things that you try to fix the problem, 11:27 have you tried talking about it, or anything else? 11:31 Well, I tried talking to her about, 11:32 talking to Lauren about it, 11:34 but it goes in one ear and out the other, you know, 11:37 but I have tried to help her to see the difference 11:40 in spending a lot of money wisely 11:42 and just throwing money down the drain. 11:44 But I guess, she's just not old enough to understand yet. 11:47 Okay. 11:48 So, well, you know, 11:50 I have some strategies that we can discuss, 11:53 and I don't want you to try to do everything 11:55 that we discussed, but just pick out two things 11:57 that will go along with your personality. 11:59 For right now, we're just going to take a look at Lauren 12:03 and what needs to happen for her, okay? 12:06 And hopefully in the process, 12:07 maybe some other things may get resolved. 12:09 So the first thing I want to ask 12:11 is can you spend time together as a family, 12:13 both of you with Lauren? 12:15 How much time? 12:18 What do you like to do? 12:20 Tell me something that you... I'm working a lot. 12:21 I like to do my... You were? 12:22 Once I get off work, then I get to take some downtime, 12:25 play my videogame, eat dinner, 12:27 you know, and then I got to rest 12:29 for the next day's work, 12:30 but maybe we can squeeze in a few minutes. 12:32 Ain't 15 minutes a day good enough? 12:34 Yeah. I think 15 is good. 12:36 No, I think you may need to look at 12:38 a little bit more time than that. 12:39 How about eating dinner together? 12:44 Well... 12:46 Eat dinner together? That's funny. 12:48 Yeah, we don't do that. 12:49 Okay, I'm asking is it possible to do that? 12:53 I guess we could do something, 12:54 maybe we can get takeout and sit at the table and eat. 12:57 So if you're having a problem with that one, 12:59 this one will really cause a problem. 13:00 How about spending individual time with Lauren? 13:03 We can do that. Okay. 13:05 How about shopping if I take her shopping with me? 13:07 See. 13:08 If you take her shopping and don't spend. 13:11 Well, I can work on it. 13:14 Well, it's all we can try and let's just try to do it. 13:17 What about you? 13:18 Well, I can spend some time with her. 13:20 I guess after I... 13:21 Well, after she finishes helping me with some stuff 13:24 around the house. 13:25 Then we can go to the park for a minute, 13:27 see what's going on there, play with some other kids. 13:30 It would be a start at least, something. 13:32 Okay. 13:33 How about doing some volunteer work with her? 13:36 And maybe you can give her an allowance. 13:37 I think both of you would like this, 13:39 you give her, her own spending money 13:41 and then you don't buy her anything... 13:44 Yeah, now we're talking. Extra. 13:46 And you allow her to make decisions 13:48 on how to spend her money? 13:50 I like that. What do you think? 13:52 It may help with her always asking me for things, 13:54 so I think we can do that. 13:55 Okay. 13:57 Now this may be very, very difficult. 13:59 But you can't buy anything extra for Lauren 14:02 for the next two weeks. 14:03 You can't do it. 14:05 Two weeks? For two weeks. 14:06 It's okay with me. 14:07 You want to give her allowance, 14:09 a little chance to work 14:10 so that she can start looking at how much things cost. 14:15 What do you think? 14:16 I think it's gonna work. We can really... 14:18 I really like the part about her having her own money 14:21 so that we don't have to keep 14:23 spending out the house money all the time. 14:25 And I'm pretty good at not buying things 14:27 when I don't have to, 14:29 and I help encourage my wife to do the same. 14:31 Okay, I don't know 14:32 if she wants you to encourage her. 14:34 Okay, I think she can do that all by herself. 14:37 What would you do 14:38 with all of the extra money you're gonna have? 14:39 Whoa! 14:41 I can think of some things to do with some extra money. 14:43 For us. Right, okay. 14:47 Well, our time is just about up. 14:49 Do you have any other questions 14:52 that you need to talk about? 14:55 Not right now, but I guess 14:56 when we try these things you told us, it would be good. 15:00 Okay, see you next week then. 15:02 Thank you so much. Okay, bye. 15:06 Okay, how are you guys doing today? 15:08 We're blessed and highly favored. 15:09 Oh, praise God. 15:10 So we've had several sessions 15:12 since the initial session when you started. 15:14 So tell me how are things going now? 15:17 Well, it's a lot more calm at home 15:19 and things are just looking up. 15:21 Everyone is cooperating so much better. 15:23 It's really a different situation now. 15:25 Okay. 15:27 So what's not happening that makes it so calm? 15:29 Well, no more tantrums. 15:30 Good. No more tantrums. 15:32 Any spanking? No, not lately. 15:34 Thank goodness, we haven't had to resort to that. 15:37 But, yeah, so no tantrums, she's not fussy as much, 15:41 and she's really learning to work well 15:43 with the rest of the family. 15:44 Oh, that is such a blessing. 15:46 So I want to let you know, 15:47 we saw some really good stuff on that camera. 15:49 So now I want to thank you again 15:51 for allowing us to use a camera in your home 15:53 so that it can help us to pinpoint 15:55 exactly what the problem is, and we're going in the therapy. 15:58 So let's take a look at how well the strategies 16:00 have worked for you in your home, okay? 16:02 All right. Sounds good. 16:03 Guys, I'm home. 16:05 I just finished up a little bit of shopping. 16:06 Oh, great. 16:07 I hope you bought something for me. 16:09 What did you get? Well, I did. 16:10 I got a few things that we needed. 16:12 Oh, and I also got a game for Lauren. 16:14 Oh, thanks, Mom. Oh, you're welcome, Babe. 16:17 Can we play this game together? 16:18 Well, not right now. 16:19 I have a few things that I need to do first, 16:21 but then we can play after. 16:22 How about that? Okay. 16:23 Come on, Lauren, I'll teach how to play some of my games. 16:26 Then when mom is finished, 16:27 we can all learn to play yours together. 16:29 Well, at school we play math games, 16:31 and the kids that don't know their times table, 16:33 just cheat of the kids who do know theirs. 16:35 Now, Lauren, we've told you cheating never pays. 16:38 Well, it does, Dad, because the kids who do cheat 16:41 always get the highest level in class. 16:43 But what are they gonna do 16:44 when they don't have a chance to cheat 16:46 and they have to take a test, then they're gonna get all Fs. 16:49 Remember, Lauren, 16:50 honesty is always the best policy. 16:55 Okay, 16:56 so out of all the suggestions that were given, 16:59 which suggestions were most helpful to you two? 17:02 Well, I tell you what I really liked 17:04 was setting an amount for each of us 17:05 to have to spend and allowance, 17:07 that really works out great. 17:09 At first, when we started, 17:11 we had to kind of get used to it, 17:13 you know, we spend too much and not have anything left, 17:16 and then we'd not have enough to start with. 17:18 But now we've kind of even it out 17:20 and I think everybody's doing well with it 17:22 Okay, so how about you and your shopaholic ways? 17:25 Are you still shopping a lot? 17:27 No, I have a fixed amount that I take with me 17:29 and I don't spend more than that. 17:30 So that's helped a lot with the budget. 17:32 Okay, so you're not using credit cards anymore? 17:34 No. Oh, man! 17:36 No, we cut those things up. I made sure of that. 17:39 I hardly recognized you all 17:40 along that video when I first looked at, 17:42 I was like, "I can't believe this" 17:44 that is so good. 17:46 So how are the new strategies working with Lauren? 17:49 How's she dealing with it? 17:50 Well, she's doing so much better. 17:52 She just seems happier and we've had time to spend, 17:55 time together with each other a lot more often. 17:58 And so we've been able to do 18:00 pedicures and manicures together. 18:03 Did a lot of talking about school, and friends, 18:06 and school work that allow us 18:08 to just spend a little more time 18:09 and we're able to just get understanding 18:11 of who we each other are, 18:12 which I don't think we did at first. 18:14 And, you know, 18:15 the nice thing too now that Lauren has her own money. 18:18 She's not asking us continually about more money, more money. 18:21 And it's funny now 18:23 because when we go to the store, 18:24 at first, she wanted all these name brands, 18:27 you know, she just couldn't have anything 18:28 less than the highest, 18:30 but now that she's spending her money, 18:32 she's over at the clearance rack section. 18:34 Yes. 18:35 You know, now it's her motto, 18:36 clearance rack is where is that. 18:39 Okay, so she's learning the value of money. 18:41 Yes. 18:42 How about her attitude towards people? 18:44 Remember, she put things before people. 18:45 Yeah. 18:47 Well, I think she's able to appreciate relationships 18:49 a little bit better now. 18:50 She's still working now, 18:52 you know, some of the things with her friends, 18:53 right, because I think a lot of her friends 18:56 kind of dictated how she acted at home 18:59 and how she felt money was, 19:01 you know, in terms of importance. 19:03 But she's doing so much better, 19:04 and she's actually chosen a different group of friends. 19:07 So I'm just trying to help her along that path 19:09 with choosing the right friends. 19:11 Okay, so now, are the friends coming to your house? 19:13 Do you really get to see them 19:14 and meet them, and talk to them? 19:16 Yes. Do you like them better? 19:17 Yes, I love them and their parents. 19:18 Oh, good. 19:20 Oh, you met their parents, that's great. 19:21 Correct. Okay. 19:22 Yeah, she seems to really appreciate her friends 19:24 a little more than she used to. 19:25 They used to be all about what they were wearing, 19:27 and what they had on, 19:29 and how much bling they were all showing off, 19:32 but now I think she really likes the fact 19:33 that they're people, 19:35 they're friendly, they're fun, 19:36 and they get along well together. 19:38 So once they come over, they like to play games, 19:41 they do different things that kids should do, 19:43 you know, and things are just really much better at home. 19:45 Yeah. 19:47 What about your community service efforts? 19:48 I think that's a great idea 19:49 to take children out and help others. 19:51 What are you guys doing, what kind of community service? 19:54 So we do volunteer at the church doing a food pantry, 19:57 and I think it's been wonderful 19:59 because she sees people from all walks of life. 20:02 No matter the situation, they're there for a reason 20:04 and we're able to help them. 20:06 And I think she's grown 20:07 to be a lot more appreciative and grateful. 20:08 Oh, okay. Yeah. 20:10 We took a trip with the food pantry one day 20:13 downtown to help feed the homeless 20:15 that were actually on the streets, 20:17 and she just was amazed 20:18 that people actually didn't have food to eat 20:21 or places to stay. 20:22 So it really made a big impression, 20:24 I think on her realizing that 20:26 she's been blessed to have a nice home, 20:28 plenty of food to eat. 20:30 And I think it made a real impression on her. 20:32 She's willing to go back out again. 20:34 Oh, is she? Yeah, she kind of likes it now. 20:36 Okay. 20:38 Now remember, being consistent is really very important. 20:40 How has consistency been going with you, guys? 20:45 We try to keep it going, you know, as I said earlier, 20:48 we kind of get off a little bit and then we get back on. 20:51 But we're kind of evening things out now, 20:54 both of us take turns with her and spend more time with her 20:57 which is another thing that's really helping me 20:59 to draw closer to and her to me, etcetera. 21:02 And I think the more we do it, the more fun it becomes. 21:05 Okay. 21:07 And one of the other things 21:08 is we have established family night. 21:09 At least once a week, 21:11 we figure, we start there to figure out, 21:12 you know, we can be consistent with it and it works out well. 21:15 So we have a time to play games, 21:17 we kind of take turns deciding on what we want to do 21:20 and to make sure everybody's needs are met. 21:21 Oh, that is really commending. 21:23 And let me tell you, 21:24 another blessing of the family night, 21:26 now her friends want to come over here. 21:28 Yeah. 21:29 And so now we can have a good positive influence 21:31 on our friends because we play family type games, 21:34 we play games where they have to interact 21:37 and talk with each other and get to know each other. 21:39 It's really great. 21:41 Another thing is we bring in the Sabbath 21:42 every Friday evening with devotion. 21:44 It's been wonderful. Oh, it sounds great. 21:47 When are you guys doing devotion on Fridays? 21:49 From Friday night to Saturday night, 21:51 that's the Sabbath, so we enjoy having scripture, 21:54 Bible readings, act out Bible characters, 21:58 and I love singing as you can probably tell. 22:01 Okay, so what were you doing on the Sabbath before? 22:05 Well, we were doing a lot of sleeping, you know. 22:08 And it usually became so monotonous that, 22:10 you know, we wake up and the sun would set, 22:12 and we be back to our regular routine. 22:14 Yeah. 22:15 A lot of times we just find ourselves looking out the door 22:18 to see when the sun set 22:20 and we would just want to hurry up through the worship. 22:23 So now it's a different story. 22:25 We enjoy worshipping on the Sabbath. 22:27 We enjoy being with Lauren, 22:29 being together as a family and serving the Creator. 22:32 Oh, that's beautiful. 22:34 Now what did you have to cut out to get extra time? 22:39 Well... 22:40 Well, a lot of overtime for me for the family game night, 22:44 we do that on Tuesday and Thursday, 22:46 so I had to stop doing so much overtime, 22:49 and just make my way home. 22:50 Sometimes I would go shopping, 22:53 you know, to pick up different items, 22:55 but I'll make sure that I'm playing that out 22:56 better throughout the week. 22:58 So now Tuesday and Thursday nights, 23:00 I'm home early 23:01 'cause I'm looking forward to family night. 23:03 Oh, okay. 23:04 So you guys have been spending more time together 23:09 and you haven't been spending as much money on Lauren. 23:11 Correct. Right. 23:13 You've been saving money. 23:14 So has there been any more effects on the family? 23:19 Well, like you mentioned 23:20 we have a lot more money so which is great, 23:23 but at first we didn't know what to do with it 23:25 but, you know, we increased our offering tithe, 23:28 and offering to the Lord, and to the church. 23:30 And now we've got some savings for a rainy day 23:33 which was always a problem, 23:35 so now we have savings and we're investing more. 23:39 It's just a complete turnaround from where we were at. 23:42 Wow, it's amazing to just see small strategies 23:44 have affected your family emotionally, financially, 23:48 and most importantly, spiritually. 23:51 So you guys are doing so much better 23:52 in several different areas of your life 23:55 as a result of very simple. 23:57 We just say it was very expensive 23:58 to do what you guys did? 23:59 No. 24:01 I think we just had to be intentional about it. 24:02 There's one thing to want to do something, 24:04 it's another thing to actually get up 24:05 and start making it happen. 24:07 I think so. 24:08 So let's take a look at maybe some more strategies 24:11 that we can do, okay, 24:12 just to have more things available to you. 24:15 Then how about a family meeting, 24:17 maybe you can plan in your family meetings, 24:20 a family vacation. 24:21 Have you ever done that before, a family vacation? 24:23 No, we really haven't had time in the past 24:25 but that would be lovely. 24:26 Okay, so you guys will get together 24:28 and plan a family vacation, 24:30 maybe you can talk about with Lauren 24:34 what her future is going to be, 24:35 and then plan even your family vacation 24:37 about around something she's interested in doing. 24:40 That'd be great. Yeah. 24:42 That way we kill two birds with one stone. 24:43 Yeah. 24:44 Plan a vacation, 24:46 plan for Lauren's college experience. 24:48 This is really good idea. Okay. 24:50 And then we want to be very consistent 24:53 and intentional about spending time 24:56 and that money on Lauren. 24:59 Do you kind of see, remember, 25:00 in that very first session when you were saying, 25:03 "I show her, I love her by spending money on her." 25:06 Do you see the difference between 25:07 actually spending that time... 25:09 Yeah, it makes a big difference. 25:10 And that money? Yeah. 25:12 And the feelings you were having back then, 25:13 seem like there was a lot of anger, 25:15 a lot of frustration, although you were saying, 25:17 "Here, these things, I love you." 25:19 You take it, right. 25:21 So how about giving positive feedback to her? 25:26 Is it happening more now? 25:28 We've improved definitely in that area. 25:30 You know, I put it on myself 25:32 to make sure that I speak positively to her 25:35 and never negatively because what we say 25:37 does have a big impact on our children. 25:40 So I just try to remind her that God loves her, 25:42 that we love her, and that she's gonna do 25:44 great things throughout her life. 25:46 Okay. Yeah. 25:47 And I want to just kind of caution you just a little bit. 25:50 You said earlier that her friends come over, 25:54 so we want to make sure that everything is within boundaries 25:57 so that it's not too much of that going on, 25:59 so that Lauren is back to where she started, 26:01 you know, she's sharing you with everybody and everything, 26:04 only these people are her friends 26:06 and that is not a good thing as well, okay? 26:09 So keep up the great work. 26:11 And are there any questions that you have? 26:14 Not that I can think of. No, I don't think so. 26:15 I think we're okay. 26:17 I really do appreciate all of the help 26:18 that you've given us. 26:20 It has been a wonderful thing in our family 26:22 and it's worked out a lot. 26:23 It's a great turnaround. 26:24 Yeah. It is. 26:26 And you know what, 26:27 I think that God gives all of the glory for that. 26:29 Amen. 26:30 And all that he has really worked with... 26:32 If you guys had been so receptive 26:34 to the Spirit of God, this would have never worked. 26:36 So continue to pray with each other. 26:38 Pretty sure, we'll. 26:39 Yes. Okay. 26:43 Parents, a few minor changes can be very helpful. 26:46 Sometimes problems may seem huge, 26:49 but just a little change can make 26:51 all the difference in the world. 26:53 In this case, the family made a subtle shift 26:55 to giving time in that things 26:58 and they had a very positive impact 27:00 on their relationships. 27:01 We'll review some ways to give time in that things. 27:05 We can eat dinner together is very simple, 27:07 instead of going to your perspective rooms 27:09 and different places in the house to eat, 27:11 eat together in one spot. 27:14 You can even spend time, 27:15 your downtime in the evening together. 27:17 You don't have to talk, 27:19 you don't have to necessarily interact 27:21 but just being in the presence of each other 27:23 sometimes is very helpful. 27:25 Another thing you can do, parents, 27:27 is you can take your children out, 27:29 places, in the world. 27:31 The whole world is out there. 27:32 There are so many things to experience together. 27:35 And as they learn and as you talk, 27:37 you will learn more about them, 27:38 they will learn more about you, your morals and your values. 27:42 And we can't forget this, 27:44 we have to spend time with God together, 27:47 so we can do devotion together. 27:49 You can spend time on the Sabbath 27:50 from sunset Friday to sunset Sabbath. 27:53 You can watch 3ABN together 27:55 and talk about all the issues that's going on in the world 27:58 that's impacting them spiritually. 28:00 And most importantly, we can pray together, 28:03 and we can praise God together. 28:05 It's important to remind children 28:07 when God has answered a prayer of theirs. 28:10 And we're developing them 28:11 so that they too can have families 28:14 of their own that praise God. |
Revised 2018-05-30