Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Kimberly Douglas, Kory Douglas, Xavier Morales
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000082A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:04 may be too candid for younger children. 00:39 Hello, welcome to Pure Choices. 00:41 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson, 00:44 this is my co-host. 00:45 I'm Brittany Hill-Morales. 00:46 And we're so glad you decided to join us. 00:48 Today, the title is 51 Shades of Grey. 00:51 That's right. 00:52 Gonna get into it today. 00:53 But before we start, let's go ahead 00:55 and ask the spirit to be with us. 00:57 Heavenly Father, we ask you to sent your Holy Spirit 00:59 to guide us through this discussion. 01:01 In Jesus' name we pray. 01:02 Amen. Amen. 01:04 All right, we've already heard from our my co-host, 01:05 go to the panel here. 01:08 We have Chaplin Xavier Morales. 01:11 Next to him is, Kimberly Douglas. 01:13 And next to her is pastor KP Douglas. 01:15 I am so glad that we're here. 01:16 Of course, we have some married couple here, 01:18 and I'm married as well, 01:19 so this is gonna be a good discussion. 01:22 We're talking about of course, 01:23 the things that people don't really want to talk about, 01:28 the expectations you may have in the bedroom 01:30 before you get married. 01:32 And so let's go and start the discussion now. 01:35 We want to talk to you all, 01:36 and you know, it's gonna be long, 01:38 maybe, hopeful it won't be too uncomfortable for you guys. 01:39 We want to talk to you about 01:40 what were some expectations you had 01:42 before you got married, specifically for sex? 01:45 What are some expectations that you may have had? 01:48 Let's go head and start with... 01:50 who do I to get this time? 01:51 Kimberly, I'm looking at you the whole time, 01:52 go ahead and start. 01:54 All right. 01:56 Expectation that I had... 02:00 going into marriage... 02:01 Yes. 02:02 It's funny now that I look at it, 02:04 they were really off. 02:05 But in terms of sex, I thought that, 02:10 yeah, all day, every day, which is ridiculous. 02:14 Yes. 02:19 Well, not technically all day, everyday, 02:21 `but I remember when we were going through 02:23 one of our premarital sessions, 02:26 he ask specific, "Oh, well, we have to fill out", 02:29 you know, you go through the workbook 02:31 and there was this one question 02:32 about, you know, expectations. 02:35 And I think we both filled out, 02:38 as we said, as often as possible. 02:40 I said, "As much as humanly possible." 02:43 "As much has humanly possible." 02:45 So that was my response. Sounds good. 02:47 Yeah, all right. 02:49 So let's see, Morales, 02:51 can you all share with what were your expectations? 02:54 I'm thinking, I don't think I had any crazy expectations. 02:58 I just anticipated that it should be good all the time. 03:02 And I guess, I had like this fantasy of who would always, 03:05 I guess, have that moment together, 03:08 and it wanna be one person always, 03:10 other person is not. 03:12 So I guess that was one of my huge expectations. 03:14 Okay, I guess, I'll answer as well. 03:19 You know, I expecting, 03:21 you know, a kind of what you are saying, 03:22 it should be all the time, 03:25 it just, you know, its just some type of, 03:27 I guess, see on TV, some fantasy, whatever may be. 03:29 And yeah, definitely it didn't end up 03:32 being like that, 03:34 you know. 03:35 But I think that this is important 03:37 because lot people do have a lot of expectations 03:38 similar to that. 03:40 So let's go on to may be some more that others may have 03:42 and maybe some that we have 03:43 which didn't want to say we had them. 03:44 What are someone's that, that we think that a lot of people 03:47 may have expecting for sex when go into marriage, 03:51 but may find out it's not realistic. 03:55 What do you think? 03:56 Probably that will always be a very creative 03:59 that you'll never get bored. 04:01 That each day will just be something new, 04:04 something exciting that 04:06 you'll just be so hyped afterwards, 04:08 you just be "yes, I got married and it's amazing." 04:11 Maybe something towards those features. 04:13 Yeah, yeah. 04:15 I think people also expected to last a long time. 04:19 All night long. 04:20 You know, like all every single times, 04:21 30 minutes or better, some like that, I don't know. 04:23 Yeah. Yeah. 04:25 That's a good point. 04:26 I think they also expected to be, 04:27 you know, Hollywood style, 04:30 where, you know, you wake up next to your spouse, 04:32 everything is beautiful, you know, no morning breath. 04:36 None of that, you know that if you just like, 04:38 wow, you know, you hear the music in the background... 04:40 Yeah, birds chirping. 04:41 Yeah, birds chirping and every, the whole thing that like it's, 04:45 you know, its... 04:47 Yeah, almost like the expectation like, 04:49 you know, it's gonna be, person gonna... a machine 04:51 and this gonna just be like the all the time. 04:53 But hey, you get little tried sometime, right? 04:55 I mean, you know, I mean, 04:56 you can't go like what you've thought you could, 04:58 even we get older, you know. 04:59 So I mean, yeah, there's a lot expectations, 05:01 even specially in terms of people 05:03 who are may be never had sex before, 05:06 you know, they thinking that, oh, you know, 05:07 its gonna be great the first time. 05:09 But reality is, you know, there's a lot, 05:11 some pain involved, you know, in the... 05:12 Mercy. So, yeah. 05:14 So you know, you have to be realistic in thinking that. 05:16 I think that why we are saying this 05:17 because we're trying to be real, 05:19 because a lot of what we see on TV and what not, 05:22 has shown us something different. 05:23 And so just, you know, if it is not that way 05:26 don't think something's wrong with you 05:27 but this is just what real life is. 05:29 Add something. 05:31 Yeah, I was gonna say, let's get like a little deeper. 05:36 There are some couples who are probably watching this 05:38 and may be they just got engaged 05:41 and they know the inevitable has happen, 05:43 is gonna happen after they get married. 05:46 When should they start having the conversation about sex? 05:49 Okay. Okay. 05:50 I think it's important to a have early on, 05:53 because you wanna make sure on all things you're, 05:56 you know, in the same book on the same page. 05:59 It doesn't have to be, you know, same everything. 06:04 But with something as important as sex, I do think that, 06:08 you know, that conversation needs to happen early. 06:11 And that you talk things through because, 06:13 I think something that I am learning, 06:16 you know, now that we're married and, 06:17 you know, sexually active of course, 06:20 is that and talking to older people 06:22 or people who have been married for years, 06:25 you're constantly learning, you know. 06:28 So you do wanna have that conversation 06:30 to see what each other is thinking 06:32 and to see where to go from there. 06:34 Okay, so you all mind kind of sharing with us, 06:37 not the conversation, but how you brought it up 06:39 and how you had the conversation, 06:41 you know, about it. 06:42 Something awkwardness or anything? 06:43 Not really. 06:45 I don't know if we really had like a sit down, 06:46 this is what we're gonna do. 06:48 Let's talk about sex. 06:49 As a guy, you know, as a guy once you get engage 06:52 you kind of always joke about it. 06:54 You know, what I am saying? 06:55 You say crazy stuff, I will put it down. 06:57 You know, I can't even say I was going to say this. 07:00 You know, you just watch and see. 07:01 You know, you just joke around the case. 07:03 But no, we went to premarital counseling and stuff 07:05 that we've talked about. 07:06 And even the counselor brought out, 07:09 you know, that's success in marriage in all points, 07:13 sex period is based on managing expectations. 07:16 And basically, you know, he even told us 07:19 that our expectation were unrealistic, 07:21 even though we share the same expectation. 07:24 He let us know, you know, 07:25 when you get there just don't be disappointed 07:27 because it's not realistic, you know. 07:29 And I think you guys early on as you can, 07:32 you know, talk about it, 07:33 and talk be as real as you want. 07:35 Especially because not everybody gets married 07:37 are virgins, you know. 07:39 Whether you both are virgins or not, 07:42 or one is and one isn't, 07:44 you should defiantly talk about expectation 07:45 not only what you would expect from your partner, 07:47 but what you had, may be what you've experienced. 07:49 Not in detail what you've experience, 07:51 well, you know, the things that you may expect from them 07:53 because of what you've been through, you know. 07:55 I know, you know, that once you watch pornography, 07:58 once you've had sex, 07:59 you kind of some time expect if, 08:01 you know, the sex in marriage is to resemble a porno. 08:05 And so you know, that's unrealistic, 08:08 your wife is not a porn star and neither are you. 08:10 So you got to manage those expectation, 08:14 you know, realistically. 08:15 So, and I'm gonna jump to you guys in a second 08:16 but I wanna keep the Douglas for second, you know. 08:18 If you're in this situation and you realize, wait a second, 08:22 there's something that 08:26 this expectation I have is totally different 08:29 than what my spouse really want us to do. 08:32 For example, you know, I have had a past, 08:36 I've had experience with doing this, 08:37 and some people will say to you, well, what... 08:39 You should share what you like. 08:42 Well, I'm not suppose to have "what I like", 08:43 you know, if I'm doing how God want me to do. 08:45 So she must be very virgins going into it, 08:47 but the reality is not every body is. 08:49 So if you say, "Well, this is what I like, 08:51 honey, I expect this in the marriage", 08:54 but she said, 08:56 "Well, I don't feel comfortable with that," you know. 08:58 Was there any place, 08:59 you know, I'm not trying to get too deeper you all. 09:01 But is there any place you all had to say, all right, 09:02 you know, there's some disagreements 09:03 in how we may be see things? 09:08 Now that I'm thinking back on it, I don't think that, 09:14 I cant think of anything that was too out there, 09:17 but one thing that did stand out for me personally, 09:21 was just how patient, you know, Kory, was. 09:24 And that's I guesses, is another blessing 09:27 in terms of just the waiting and let him God lead 09:31 because it's something like, you know, I had to grow into. 09:35 And then, you know, just being married, 09:38 you know newly, it's something that he had, 09:40 you know, had to grow into as will. 09:43 But in terms of thinking of anything specific, 09:45 I don't know. 09:46 Help me if you can, I don't know 09:48 if I can mention anything specific. 09:49 But I will say this, I think that 09:51 no matter how experienced either person is, 09:54 I personally feel that it is the job of the male 09:56 to be patience, 09:58 you know, to be that person who is, 10:01 who may take more of the Ls, if you may. 10:03 You know, even if you are experienced or not, 10:05 you know, even she says, "I'm not comfortable," 10:08 Then I think, yeah, every man's job 10:10 should be to respect that, you know. 10:12 I mean, so. Okay. 10:14 Morales, let's go. 10:15 I think its creating that environment 10:16 to where you both feel comfortable talking about. 10:18 I mean, it's part of your marriage, 10:20 its the reason that, you know, Bible says, 10:23 that's what binds you together, you know. 10:25 You have to be able to comfortable 10:26 to talk about it. 10:28 And as far as, you know, conversations and everything 10:31 that love that you have for each other, it just... 10:33 when God placed that love there, 10:35 you're aiming to please one another, 10:37 you know, you're aiming to make sure 10:39 each other's needs are met in that regard. 10:41 So you know, really, 10:43 you know, I hate to put it technically like, 10:45 oh, I don't like this or I don't like that. 10:47 I think it's more of what you know, 10:48 you talk about what you're comfortable with 10:49 and what you're not comfortable with. 10:51 You know, you actually have genuine conversation with, 10:54 that's what we had. 10:55 You don't had a genuine conversation about, 10:57 you know, what we don't agree with, 10:58 what we agree with it, 11:00 and you know, certain things that 11:02 we choose not to keep out of the bedroom, you know. 11:05 Even with me, having my past, with her having her, 11:08 you know, we choose to keep certain things 11:09 out of the element, not because of anything else in that, 11:12 then our walk is different, you know, 11:14 we want to do things differently. 11:15 Yeah. Okay. 11:16 Yeah, I would add to that. 11:18 That I think growing up, 11:21 always heard that sex is one of those 11:23 deal breakers that you have to probably know 11:26 what's going to happen. 11:27 So I'm not sure 11:29 how anybody else feels about this by having, 11:31 about talking about sex before you even get engaged. 11:34 I think we had a few conversation about 11:37 possibly what we heard about. 11:40 Like, there's this one epidemic that's going on about 11:44 licking eyeballs. 11:45 I will say like, that is never gonna happen. 11:47 Don't you dear lick my eyeballs. 11:49 It is not cute, I don't... 11:51 But there are things that you hear about 11:53 and so let's just go sit down and have that conversation. 11:57 And that's one thing, 11:58 I'm not sure how do you guys feel, 12:00 should that conversation happened before you got engaged 12:03 to be like, okay, there's sot of things 12:04 I've heard about, 12:06 I don't know if you are into that. 12:07 I just, I am not in to it so I need to know 12:09 now if you are, so I can probably go separate ways. 12:12 What do you think? 12:13 Well, I wasn't really one 12:15 who believed in the whole casual dating. 12:17 So, you know, I think that once you are dating, 12:19 you're dating with the purpose. 12:21 So, you know, and our story is a little, 12:25 you know, little atypical. 12:27 But I think that 12:31 when Kory and I realized 12:33 that this the direction we're heading in, 12:35 and even before we got engaged, 12:38 you know, there was a common understanding. 12:42 Yeah, I think, 12:45 you know, you had that at the conversation, 12:46 you know, you have to have it before... 12:48 I even think 12:51 having before you engage 12:52 because, you know, you want to, 12:55 at least in my situation that I needed to know, 12:58 I wanted to know like, really that was important aspect 13:00 of your relationship that how a person feels, 13:03 how sexually charged are they. 13:05 You know, I'll just be honest, I don't make sexual advertise, 13:09 so someone, you know, who is not, 13:10 I have to really mess with that. 13:11 I think that's all part of the being mess with someone 13:13 in all areas of life. 13:15 And I think a mature individual and Christian, 13:17 you know, that's should be something you should discuss. 13:19 I don't think it necessarily is a deal breaker 13:22 but it should be something that you discuss 13:24 to know what it is beforehand. 13:25 Yeah. 13:26 And I think also to don't wait 13:28 to get to premarital counseling to discuss it. 13:31 You know, not necessary what's on paper 13:33 is what's gonna actually happen. 13:35 You know, my wife and I, you know, on paper, 13:39 we're compatible, great as great as, you know. 13:41 But you know, we had to sit, if we had not sit down 13:43 to speak about certain things beforehand, 13:46 there's other issues that we're not touched on 13:47 doing that counseling session. 13:48 Yeah. 13:50 Now we had to touch base, and we had to talk about, 13:51 we had to go more into detail, you know, because again, 13:55 not every, you can't discuss absolutely everything 13:58 during that premarital counseling, 13:59 those premarital counseling sessions. 14:01 You have to be able to engage your spouse 14:03 and talked to them about, 14:04 you know, this is my comfort, why and why not. 14:07 And so we had to really speak aside from what we learned 14:10 and spoke about in the premarital counseling. 14:12 Yeah, I mean its truly important. 14:14 I mean, I know I have a friend who married a ex-porn star. 14:18 And so, you know, not only were there things that 14:20 this individual had to tone down for his spouse, 14:25 but the spouse had a feeling of inadequacy 14:27 because, you know, 14:29 how can I ever live up to all that you had, 14:30 all that you really need to make you feel good, 14:33 you know. 14:34 And so not saying this, that's a rare case, you know. 14:37 But there can be that disconnect or that, 14:40 you know, difference of opinions and feelings 14:43 so that it really needs to be discusses beforehand. 14:45 So, you know, my question would be, 14:47 if there is such a disconnect and I truly, like I need 14:50 x, y, and z to just feel good, you know. 14:53 Otherwise I don't, it's not even sex to me, 14:55 you know. 14:56 Should the other person who doesn't feel comfortable, 14:58 should they try to raise to that level at some point? 15:03 I think the key to all relationship, 15:05 even before sex is that your aim is not to be pleased, 15:09 you know, it's to please the other person. 15:11 And I know that something that helps me. 15:14 You know what I'm saying? 15:15 I seek first to pleased my wife. 15:18 You know what I'm saying. 15:19 And you know, that takes a lot of humility, 15:21 takes a lot of self-denial, 15:23 and I can only pray that she is aiming to please me as well. 15:27 And when both people are doing that, 15:28 it kind of brings about a balance 15:29 because if I'm looking for what she likes 15:32 and she is looking for what I like, 15:33 then we're both kind of, 15:34 you know, we kinda taking care of. 15:36 As well as I won't wanna do anything 15:38 that would make her uncomfortable 15:39 because I know she didn't like it. 15:40 And we do this kind of check thing where, 15:43 you know, you go through and ask, 15:46 "Well, is there anything that, 15:49 you know, is lacking or there anything," 15:52 you know, because having a conversation in beginning 15:55 is great but now that you're married 15:57 and you're actually living 15:59 the conversation needs to continue as well. 16:01 And there's nothing wrong in having a conversation 16:03 during the act either. 16:04 Yeah. 16:06 Which sounds little weird, 16:07 but I am just saying like you just, 16:09 there is nothing wrong with talking. 16:10 On television you don't see people talking through 16:12 because everybody is assuming 16:13 they know what they are doing, you know. 16:14 But there's no problem if in the middle of the act, 16:18 you know, saying, "Are you good? 16:19 Is that good for you?" 16:21 You know, "What should I do?" 16:22 You know, I think that's okay as well. 16:24 Every body is different, you know. 16:25 So even if, you know, you see on the TV, 16:27 well, that may not be what you, 16:30 you know, my wife is gonna like, 16:31 you know, and vice-versa, so. 16:33 Yeah, defiantly. 16:34 So we can't discuss the, 16:36 when you should kind of have the conversation 16:38 before you get married, and possibly, 16:40 how do you even go about it? 16:41 But what exactly should you state? 16:43 Because, if the two of them are virgins, 16:47 there isn't realty much to go off of. 16:49 So what do you discuss in that talk? 16:53 Okay, that's good. 16:54 I think one thing if you're virgin, 16:57 you know, discuss the fears, 16:58 you know, that the fears of certain things, you know. 17:02 Don't be afraid. 17:03 Again, create the atmosphere 17:05 where you're not afraid to share of your certain fears. 17:07 The one thing that you should never do whether virgin or not 17:10 is seek external resources such has pornography 17:14 or TV shows or movies, you know, 17:16 don't seek external things of that nature, you know. 17:21 One big one, I mean, one big one, 17:23 and I hate to sound cliche, but it's beautiful, 17:25 it's beautifully written the song, 17:27 it's the Song of Solomon. 17:28 You know, it paints of picture of how a man, a husband, 17:33 he said you say, interact with his wife. 17:34 And how wife, he said, interact with her husband. 17:37 It's, you know, and most of us think of God 17:40 as the G-rated PG 13 God but this Song of Solomon, 17:44 you know it's rated R, 17:46 you know, there's borderline right there you know. 17:47 But it paints a beautiful master piece 17:49 of exactly the symphony or the, you know, 17:52 the dance that you both have together in the marital bed. 17:57 Yeah, that's good. 17:58 I think that if you're virgin on not, 18:00 you gonna have expectations. 18:02 You know, we've been, we've been, 18:05 we've been, we've been... 18:08 What's the word you looking for? 18:10 Fun time. 18:11 We've been, you know, exposed so much. 18:15 And so even as a virgin, you can kinda talk about, 18:18 you know, what may not be what you make like 18:20 or maybe what you would like to happen. 18:22 And you know, you probably surprised after the fact, 18:24 you may not like that, 18:26 you know, even you thought you may based on 18:27 just observing it, so. 18:30 I'll probably add I think, one of the main things 18:32 that you should probably talk about is may be 18:35 how often, that's probably important, 18:37 how often and probably expectations of, 18:40 I don't know, can you say how long it be probably last? 18:44 Can we do that? 18:45 You can, I don't know, if you got the accurate... 18:47 You can try... 18:49 May be, you know, we'll have a good accurate, 18:51 you know, probably it should be, 18:52 you know, I guess, everybody, their cliche is now, 18:55 that you know, don't ever last for one minute, 18:57 at least be long as one minute, right? 18:59 And that's the thing, each time at least 19:02 I can't speak for anybody else, 19:04 but each experience is different. 19:07 Some might be long, 19:09 other, it might not be that long. 19:12 And honestly, things happen in a day, 19:14 you might have had long day and you know you already tired. 19:19 And I'm talking about both people, 19:20 not necessarily one at this point 19:22 because we normally talk about one wanting to have sex, 19:25 the other one not wanting to. 19:27 Now when you both tired and it's just like, 19:29 okay, well, let's just, 19:31 you know, try to have sex anyway. 19:33 And it might not be that long. 19:35 And the other think is as you, 19:39 it's like continuingly learning. 19:42 And as your learning about each other, 19:44 you're learning about yourself through this whole process, 19:48 it all changes. 19:49 So I don't know if you can necessary say, 19:52 yeah, let's go for 30, 45 minutes 19:55 this time around and, you know, it changes. 19:59 And then the other thing too 20:00 is female is different the males. 20:03 You know, what I as a female might say, 20:06 "Yeah, hour, " you know, he is looking at me like..." 20:10 How?" You know. 20:12 So it's different, 20:13 there are too many variables, I think. 20:15 Yeah, and I think there, 20:17 you know, the conversation is important. 20:20 I know that, for us we had a talk about, 20:23 specially if you want it to schedule, 20:26 and if you want it also, 20:27 you know, just be spontaneous. 20:29 I think that you have to kind of discuss that 20:31 there maybe sometimes that it will be spontaneous, 20:33 but there're also may be sometimes where, 20:35 you know, you're gonna be busy, you wanna make sure, 20:37 hey, at least we know, this you know, 20:39 you know like for date-night, 20:40 you know, we know that a least of nothing else 20:42 that could be, that could be night. 20:45 And what it does, it just kind of build things up, 20:47 you know, I guess, I'm kinda going to now being married. 20:49 But it gonna built things up 20:51 to say, okay, this what we're expect more looking forward to 20:55 but in the spontaneous may be good as well. 20:56 But different couples may be differs, some people may say, 20:58 I never wanna schedule, you know, I never want to be, 21:01 I want to always be spontaneous 21:03 or I never want to be spontaneous. 21:04 And so I think those conversation 21:06 can be had beforehand, 21:07 because you going to the marriage, 21:09 you're thinking, well, you know, 21:10 I heard you're suppose to have it every other day. 21:12 So that's what it should be. 21:13 Why weren't having, or why we are having sex today? 21:15 You know, so understanding each other, 21:17 how each other things, 21:18 you know, beforehand should be discussed. 21:20 Yeah, because we do have some couples 21:22 who may be one thinks, 21:24 oh, we should only have sex 21:25 if you're trying to have children. 21:27 And that's always, 21:28 that's gonna be a hard conversation 21:31 for that husband-wife to sit down. 21:34 Well, that, I guess engaged couple sit down like, 21:36 okay, this my belief. 21:37 How do you deal with those values 21:39 if that person has that extreme values? 21:41 That's gonna be hard. 21:43 It goes back to the realistic 21:44 versus unrealistic expectations. 21:47 And I think it also has to do it 21:49 with having a level of maturity too 21:51 when you're, you know, 21:52 when you're dealing with your spouse, 21:55 because it's not always what I want. 21:58 You know, like you said earlier, 22:01 making sure that you make time not just for sex 22:05 but to intimate with each other. 22:07 That, we talking about fire-proofing a marriage, 22:10 that's major, you know. 22:12 So, yeah, we might had a busy day and yeah, 22:15 I might not feel like it right now, 22:17 but it's not about me. 22:19 So I would try to, you know, make sure that he is okay, 22:24 and vise-versa he'll try to make sure that I am okay. 22:27 You have to be intentional about it too 22:29 because life really starts to happen once you get married. 22:33 And if you not intentional, 22:35 a whole bunch things will fall by the wayside. 22:38 Yeah. 22:39 Shall we talk about contraceptives, may be? 22:43 I was going to go somewhere else. 22:44 Okay, go somewhere else. 22:46 I kind of want to talk about that. 22:47 But go head, go someplace else. 22:48 I think whether you are experienced or not, 22:50 when it comes to having the talk 22:52 it might be good to go to premarital counselor 22:55 and have that conversation. 22:57 But in our situation, our premarital counselor 23:00 didn't really do much talking, we did a test online. 23:04 And after we did it, she look at the results 23:06 and she was like, "Okay, 23:07 I think you guys are gonna be fine." 23:09 So in those situations who can you trust to I guess, 23:14 prepare you for your marriage moment? 23:16 Like, who can we instruct like I guess, our viewers 23:20 to suggest me to have that good conversation, 23:22 we already said, pornography is not an option. 23:24 Yeah. 23:25 You don't always want to go to your boys? 23:27 No. 23:28 Boy or girlfriends. 23:30 But I think that having friends who are married couples, 23:36 because you still needs to careful 23:37 I think, with who you, 23:39 you know, share your business with. 23:40 But having good friends who are married, 23:44 who you know, you can share things with 23:47 and be honest with, helps a lot. 23:50 Because, you know, we have, 23:52 you talk about people who you've grown up with in church 23:55 and they've got married as well and so, 23:57 you know, you kind of bounce ideas 23:59 whether its ideas for day-night 24:00 or you know, just you wanna have 24:03 that accountability partner 24:05 as we mention to kind of help you along the way. 24:08 And that you can help them along the way, 24:09 because as you're helping each other 24:11 you're still growing. 24:14 And you should really try to found 24:15 a good counselor, that help us. 24:16 Yes. 24:18 Well, I need to find somebody else, you know. 24:20 I mean 'cause counseling, I mean, of course, 24:21 I'm not saying 'cause my wife is counselor. 24:24 But counselor is important, you know, it really is. 24:26 You need to have someone to look at things objectively 24:30 from another prospective and talk things about, 24:33 talk to them about, and there are good marriage 24:35 and family councilors out there 24:36 who will do the job in leading you in the right direction, 24:39 answering some of those questions. 24:40 And you know, hopefully, 24:42 people have a good relation with their parents as well. 24:44 But you know, I know for, 24:46 you know, some of us it wasn't always that good, 24:48 open conversation. 24:49 But you should you know, be able to seek someone 24:52 who has been there before, knows you pretty as well. 24:56 Go ahead, Kory. 24:57 Now as you're saying, I had that kind of mother, 24:59 I can just tell her whatever. 25:01 And I think when I lost my virginity 25:02 I'm might have call my mom. 25:04 I was so serious back then, an hour later, 25:06 you know, probably because I was felt guilty, 25:08 and probably because, you know, 25:10 I just want to see what she would say. 25:11 But you know, having that parent, 25:13 you know, it is key, it is key. 25:16 And funny enough, for me it was my dad. 25:18 Because you think about you know, the "sex talk." 25:22 My dad did the whole night, got out the white board, 25:24 started drawing, I was like, "Oh, God, please stop, stop." 25:28 And you know, he was that parent who would, 25:32 and it's so weird how he did, but he would drop nuggets 25:35 of advice and information perfectly timed. 25:39 So, you know, I would say look out for that individual, 25:43 even if its not a parent 25:44 it could be a trusted family member 25:46 or, you know, older individual. 25:48 Okay, all right. 25:50 And I think my bridal shower really help too, 25:54 the girls gave a lot of wisdom on that night. 25:56 So young ladies, don't worry may have the good bridal shower 25:59 and I give you free martial wisdom. 26:01 I don't know where the men go to. 26:02 Where do you guys go to? 26:04 We, we... 26:05 It's a lot of grunting involve like... 26:08 We can't tell you all. 26:10 Yeah, we just... 26:12 But I think it's that, 26:14 I think you know, what I said was true, 26:16 you know, my parents and I have a very good in a relationship. 26:20 I've never felt quite comfortable with them. 26:22 I mean, I'm told him every thing 26:23 but I'm haven't got information from them about that. 26:26 Got 'love you guys'. But, which is weird. 26:29 But I think having good, you know, when I say that, 26:32 good solid married couples that can give you advice, 26:35 you know, 'cause not every, not all married couples 26:37 are create equal, you know. 26:39 And I think having those solid married couples 26:41 that have been married 26:43 and I know I want to say a name 26:44 because that's my boy Reginald, his wife Cynthia. 26:48 Got to shout out you know, 26:49 because they really were very instrumental in their advice. 26:54 I think they're married for 20 years, 26:56 because we celebrate their 20 year anniversary, 26:58 and a very instrumental 27:00 and their advice that they gave to us. 27:03 Yeah, very good. One more. 27:04 Well, I was just gonna say, 27:05 you know, for that person out there who's watching, 27:07 who have may be talk about expectation, 27:09 didn't talk about expectations, but I'm married now, 27:10 and they are not living up to those expectations. 27:13 May be thinks something is wrong with them 27:14 that they shouldn't. 27:16 You know what I'm saying? 27:17 Things aren't always go how you plan. 27:19 The point of marriage is to develop you, 27:20 God gives it you to progress you, so do be patience. 27:23 All right, well, that's about the time we have for today. 27:26 Hopefully, you've learned a lot and you are encourage now 27:29 to begin to have that discussion 27:31 with your potential spouse 27:33 about what is comfortable for you in the bedroom. 27:36 Please seek counseling, 27:38 you know, get a good premarital counseling, 27:40 talk to your pastor, wife, 27:42 you know, have this conversation 27:43 with married couples even after this airs 27:46 on this important thing to for us to do. 27:48 Well, so happy that you decide to join us 27:51 and happy that my co-host Britney is here with me. 27:54 But nothing else, remember, to always make pure choices. 27:57 God bless. |
Revised 2016-06-23