Participants: Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill-Morales, Kimberly Douglas, Kory Douglas, Xavier Morales
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000081A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned 00:05 that some material may be too candid 00:06 for younger children. 00:41 Hello, and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:42 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson. 00:44 So glad you decided to join us today. 00:46 You're in for good one today. 00:47 The topic is entitled, "Spin the Bottle." 00:50 That's right, but before we get into this exciting topic, 00:53 let's pause for a moment of prayer. 00:55 Heavenly Father God, we invite Your Spirit to be with us now 00:58 as we discuss this topic in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 01:02 Amen. 01:03 All right, let's go and introduce our panel. 01:05 To my left I have chaplain Xavier Morales. 01:06 Good to have you here my brother. 01:08 And his wife, Brittany Hill-Morales, 01:10 good to have you as well. 01:11 And we have to separate the married couples, 01:13 for we have Kimberly Douglas on the left. 01:16 On the right we have Pastor K.P. Douglas. 01:18 So we are here for this discussion. 01:20 Experimental, that's what we're talking about, 01:21 experimenting with sex. 01:23 Spin the Bottle, so what does that mean? 01:25 What is that? 01:27 What are we talking about 01:28 when we say experimenting with sex? 01:30 Brittany, why don't you help us out? 01:31 While experimenting with sex 01:33 can start from little simple stuff like kissing, 01:35 and then kissing at different parts of the body. 01:38 Or maybe some heavy patting, 01:40 touching each other a little bit too long, 01:42 hugging a little bit too tight 01:44 and then slowly progressing to doing different things. 01:48 Okay, they're experimenting, 01:49 getting little bit too close, okay. 01:50 Someone else wants to add to that? 01:53 Well, when I think of spin the bottle, 01:55 I think of the game. 01:56 You know, obviously that kids used to play. 01:58 I'm not really sure, if we're played in the bottle. 02:01 Maybe once or twice, but I know was that. 02:03 You know, maybe Truth or Dare were more accurate for us 02:05 but spin the bottle is that, 02:07 it's just that idea of being curious 02:09 about what goes on, 02:10 you know, is what I see on television real. 02:12 You know, do I want to feel. 02:14 You know, what, what they look like 02:16 they're feeling on television, it must be real, 02:18 television really does hype it up high some. 02:20 But, you know, it's just that, just that idea of, 02:23 you know, not necessarily what you're doing 02:24 but just the thought process of getting intimate 02:28 or what we consider intimate with someone else. 02:30 Sure, and of course you know, a lot of young boys there, 02:32 even young girls, if you're watching 02:34 or looking at adult videos 02:36 that they shouldn't be watching, 02:38 that's gonna cause them to want to try these things out 02:40 that they're seeing, you know. 02:41 So, what else, let's talk a little more about that? 02:43 I think too, you know, 02:45 experimenting is just that experiment to your-- 02:47 You're trying to see what, 02:48 what good essentially are you really doing is just trying 02:51 to hit the pleasure center of your brain 02:53 you know, getting, you know, 02:55 getting pleasure out of something 02:56 and things that are reserved you know for the marital bed 03:00 or something in that nature. 03:02 And a lot of kids nowadays, they do things like, you know. 03:05 I don't think they do spin a bottle anymore 03:07 what I've heard of. 03:09 Actually, a lot of them do 03:11 what they do, they go into closet 03:13 for about 30, 30 seconds or more 03:14 you know, whoever long in, 03:16 the longest that sits in the closet 03:17 with the girl wins. 03:19 So, there's different types of, you know, 03:20 there's games and things like that and you know. 03:23 Now, nowadays people come up with the craziest things 03:25 to experiment 03:27 with certain things of their body 03:29 to see what feels good, what feels right. 03:32 Let's just try and talk little more 03:33 maybe to college students, or even those older who are 03:37 who want to experiment with sex. 03:39 Why would they, 03:40 let's talk about the reasoning of the root. 03:42 Why would they want to experiment you think? 03:44 We talked a little-- We've said a couple of things, 03:46 you want to add to that. 03:47 Because sex is good, I mean, it's enjoyable. 03:52 And you know, if you're, if you have close friends 03:57 who you know might be sexually active 03:59 and they're telling you about their exploits 04:01 and it's like, well, you know what am I missing out on. 04:04 So, that's you know that's one possibility. 04:07 And so, there is no type of, oh, I'm not married 04:09 so I can't do these stages. 04:11 I'm not saying that's the case for all people. 04:13 But you know, for some though, I'm not married 04:18 thought comes into play maybe after the fact. 04:22 Sex and then marry. 04:23 I want to, I wanted to.. 04:25 Oh, I'm sorry there are married couples here. 04:28 And I think also in college 04:29 you have that element of that slippery slope 04:32 where, okay, I'm not with my parents anymore, 04:35 I don't have dad, you know, down my neck say, 04:37 "Boy, go home..." 04:39 You're there, and you have that more opportunity 04:40 be able to be alone, 04:42 so kissing goes a little bit longer than usual. 04:45 And then before you know, your hands are making movements 04:48 then, that's how it starts with those little things 04:50 because you don't really know 04:52 what boundaries to have in college is not really set. 04:55 So, experimenting sometimes happens unintentionally. 04:59 Yeah, and lot of times it cause, 05:00 it goes pretty extreme. 05:02 Stories I've heard, lot of extreme experimenting to, 05:04 you know, to high degree. 05:05 You gonna add to that. 05:07 I think one thing to add to what was said just now 05:09 is that one popular thing to do is to avoid the attachment, 05:13 you know, so called, you know, commitment. 05:15 They have the, in college in adults, 05:17 you know, beyond that have 05:18 what they call friends with benefit. 05:20 You know, you're not married. You're not in a relationship. 05:23 You know, you don't, 05:24 you don't have to worry about the attachment, 05:26 about the commitment because you're just friends, 05:29 you're friends with benefits. 05:30 And I think that's one of the more dominant 05:32 or pre-dominant things that we see on T.V 05:34 and we see in society today as well. 05:36 Yeah. 05:37 I know for me, I didn't, I didn't know 05:39 what masturbation was till eighth grade 05:41 when some of my friends were talking about it. 05:42 And now I am oldest, it's kind of weird 05:44 that they were talking about it with each other. 05:47 And then of course, there's also that, 05:48 you know, peer pressure, social, you know, social media, 05:52 television kind of portrays that at certain ages 05:55 you should have done certain things. 05:57 I think though that at the end of the day, 05:59 you know, God created us as sexual beings. 06:01 As beings who seek and want intimacy and to some degree, 06:05 it's natural for us to want to be intimate. 06:08 Right. 06:09 You know, that desire I believe God has placed in us. 06:11 Of course, you know, our desire should be for God. 06:13 But even if you think about it, 06:15 you know, know the average girl, 06:17 you know gets her first visit from on flow around with 12. 06:21 You know, guy, you know, young men, 06:22 I know for me the thoughts came into, 06:24 you know, that came to my head around may be nine or ten. 06:27 You know so, you really got to deal with, 06:29 with, with those urges from an early age. 06:31 You know, and then on the other side, 06:33 society says, well, you're not really an adult or 18. 06:36 So, I'm struggling from 9 to 18 06:38 what do I do with these feelings. 06:40 And sort of the minute I have, you know, 06:42 that like she says, "I get that opportunity to go out 06:44 and do what I want." 06:46 You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna want to experiment and see 06:48 well what can I do with these feelings. 06:50 You know, how I can play them out. 06:51 Can I enjoy the way that I've seen and enjoy? 06:53 Yeah, a lot of times you experience, 06:55 you know, you're listening about the folk, 06:56 you're experimenting with sex, you know, because that because, 06:59 your focus as opposed to experimenting with, 07:01 you know relationships or love, 07:03 you know that, that's not your focus. 07:04 Your focus is you want to just feel good about yourself. 07:08 So that's, that's a really interesting dynamic 07:11 that we have now. 07:13 The other thing I want to talk about with this, 07:15 we talked about college ages 07:17 but what about someone who's past that age, 07:18 someone who is maybe 25, 24, 25 who said 07:22 and even older than that who say, "I've been good. 07:24 I have not done anything you know, I didn't do anything, 07:26 messed up in college. 07:27 I, you know, kept myself, things are going good." 07:29 But you know, this is kind of played out. 07:31 I mean how long do I got to wait. 07:33 I mean everybody else is married, they all had sex. 07:36 I just want to, you know, 07:37 at least just try it out, you know. 07:39 Is that the kind of do you, do you all see that ever 07:42 and we know anybody like that? 07:44 Yeah, I mean we see it, in society you see it. 07:47 It's not only in church, you know. 07:51 And there are individuals like that. 07:55 I happen to think that, you know, if you have waited 08:00 that long like the years to mess up and do silly stuff, 08:05 you've kind of pass those years. 08:07 Because, you know, as we were saying before, 08:10 there are all these repercussions 08:12 of having sex with the wrong individual. 08:14 We haven't mentioned any health. 08:16 You know, anything that can go wrong health wise. 08:19 And, you know, there's just so many areas 08:22 where, you know, 08:23 if you're just striving for that Christian walk 08:26 and you find that you're 25, 35, 45 08:31 and, you know, you haven't fallen so far. 08:34 It's hard but I would encourage that you hold strong. 08:38 Yeah. Brittany, you want to add to that? 08:40 Yeah, I was going to say if we can be honest. 08:42 As all married people that sex isn't always great. 08:49 As in sex isn't always only about the technique. 08:52 And sometimes people say, 08:54 "Okay, let me just try it as once." 08:56 But if you don't have a connection with that person, 08:59 and you try it once and let's say, 09:01 they don't have that technique or whatever, 09:04 you may end up being very unsatisfied 09:06 by end of the time and then it wasn't great. 09:09 You see there is more to sex than just the technique 09:12 and if this is done and that is done. 09:14 There is so much more to it. 09:16 And I know some of my friends, who are like, 09:18 you know, "I'm just going to try it once", 09:19 they tried it once and I guess, I don't want, 09:22 I don't want say that the guy didn't know what he was doing 09:24 or the girl didn't know what she was doing. 09:26 They just didn't have that connection, 09:28 there is so much more to sex than just doing it. 09:31 Right. Right. 09:32 And then for, if I can just add on for females 09:36 it's not just for in. 09:38 Not all situations, but in most cases for females, it's not a-- 09:42 I'm just going to have sex once and move on. 09:44 You know, there are emotional attachments 09:46 that go with that too. 09:48 And because it, you know just imagine, 09:50 you know, kitty sneakers with the Velcro. 09:53 Imagine just pulling apart. You know those two pieces. 09:58 There are parts of you that get left on the other, 10:02 on the other side and so, it's, it's a very, 10:05 it's a very dangerous thing to think. 10:08 You know, I'm just going to do this once, 10:10 it's not going to affect me, 10:11 it's not going to be that serious. 10:13 And I'm going to be able to walk afterwards. 10:14 So, we moved on to definitely 10:16 the why you shouldn't experiment. 10:19 So, let's talk little more about that, you know, 10:20 Kory want to say something. 10:22 If what I would say is, 10:23 you know, as it pertains to sex, 10:25 do not believe the hype. 10:27 I don't know how to say, don't believe the hype. 10:30 You know I was, I was watching the show 10:32 not too long ago, maybe four weeks. 10:34 And it showed this girl, she was a virgin, 10:37 and she lost her virginity to this guy. 10:39 And it looked like the most enjoyable sex session ever. 10:43 I'm saying to myself. You sure she was a virgin? 10:46 Because what I understand, you know, for male or female 10:49 the first time we have sex is usually, 10:51 you know, you know, you're not like shooting for the moon, 10:54 you're not gonna get like a grand prize. 10:55 You know, it's usually a serious learning experience, 10:57 a serious learning curve. 10:59 You know, when you're experiencing with sex 11:01 and what I know is that a lot of women 11:03 actually end up not liking sex 11:05 based on their first experience, 11:07 you know, because they go in with all these expectations 11:09 thinking, "Oh, it's gonna be wonderful, 11:11 it's gonna be great." 11:12 And then they feel, feel you know, 11:13 realize that you know because of the choices our fore parents 11:16 made in the Garden of Eden 11:18 and there's also a lot of things 11:19 that come with it, you know, and so on. 11:21 And so, it is very dangerous because what ends up happening 11:24 is that meant you experiment with somebody. 11:26 And by the time you get married, 11:28 you would be completely turned off to sex 11:30 because of your first experience, 11:31 and your spouse is going to have to deal 11:33 with those consequences. 11:34 Yeah, yeah and let's go talk more about that, 11:36 I mean spouse, 11:37 if you're trying to get married, 11:39 you're just experimenting with someone 11:40 who you know is not going to be your spouse, 11:42 then you're mess, you're gonna mess it up 11:44 for what you really ultimately want. 11:45 You know, is someone who, you know, a good relationships 11:48 and you're causing more baggage to your life, more pain. 11:51 So, you know, especially if you've waited this long 11:54 you're 25 or over. 11:55 You know, he might as well get it right 11:57 and make sure it's what God wants you to do, you know. 12:01 You know, I think to, add it to what Kory said, 12:04 you know, people don't realize the issues, 12:06 the repercussions that come with it you know. 12:09 Speaking from somebody who has a past 12:11 is the fact that you know. 12:13 A lot of people you build, 12:15 you're building upon a broken foundation. 12:17 You know, and initially like his wife said, 12:21 you know, you're ripping 12:22 and you're living pieces of yourself, 12:24 so essentially when you go 12:25 get married to the right person, 12:26 you're coming with little pieces, 12:28 and hoping that between you and God, 12:30 it cannot be put back together. 12:32 You know, you build up abandonment issues, 12:34 security issues, jealousy, 12:36 you know you build all these issues over time. 12:38 Because you're just, you know, you're experimenting, 12:41 you're doing things with the wrong person, 12:42 or with the wrong people. 12:44 And because you can't, you don't, you don't even know, 12:46 you don't just stop with one. 12:48 If sex wasn't good with this person, 12:51 well, let me experiment with the other one to see, 12:53 if I'm not choosing the right individual. 12:55 You know, and you go through a whole repertoire of people 12:59 so it's a matter of, you know, really focusing 13:03 on what's and just waiting, 13:04 it's, there's nothing wrong with that. 13:06 Yeah, let me stop talking like I don't know 13:08 what there's something he is talking about either 13:10 because I definitely have been there, 13:12 and I know firsthand that, you know, it is tough. 13:16 And it is hard to break away 13:18 from those, those connections that you have made. 13:21 You know, it truly is a glue that God has given us. 13:23 And so, when you have that with multiple people, 13:26 you, your mind is not. 13:27 I don't care you know, how many times 13:30 I was taken back to previous situations. 13:33 My mind is taken back at other individuals. 13:35 I remember even having to go to counseling, 13:37 even having to go to different classes and sit, 13:39 you know, in different meetings or what not just, 13:41 just to reprogram my mind. 13:43 To get my mind off of, 13:44 you know the addiction really that had been caused 13:47 because of indulging so much. 13:49 And so, I know that for me, you know, it was a painful, 13:53 spiritual and emotional time for me, 13:54 to have to go through all that before I got married. 13:56 And to bring that into my marriage with my wife, 13:59 you know, I just think about all the time 14:00 how just a shame I have felt and guilt, 14:03 because of what I've done. 14:05 And I should have waited and saved it for her. 14:07 You know, but I was impatient and I didn't trust God enough. 14:10 You know, to believe that he could just give me 14:12 what I needed, what he had for me. 14:15 And so, you know I remember being in counseling. 14:18 And the counselor told me to, you know, 14:21 write down those who I have experimented with, 14:23 those who I have harmed in a way sexually. 14:25 And to literally go back down each name 14:28 and ask God for forgiveness, you know. 14:29 And you know, I did that and it was powerful 14:31 because at least from that spiritual standpoint, 14:35 I was able to see who I was in front of God, 14:37 and break myself away from them in a spiritual sense. 14:40 You know, and we're just trying and I think that, 14:41 you know, the reason of this whole topic 14:44 is trying to save someone 14:45 from having to go down that road. 14:47 Because you know, I can plead with you 14:50 until you know, until I go crazy 14:53 but you know, 14:54 people are still going to do what they want to do. 14:55 We're hoping that somebody will listen to this, 14:58 and say you know, "I don't want to go down that road, 15:00 I want to do what God is called me to do 15:02 and stay pure until God brings that person for me." 15:05 And I think we need to remember that the desire 15:08 to be with another individual, it's not unnatural. 15:12 You know, as Kory said, yeah exactly 15:14 it's not sin as Kory said, 15:16 you know we're created with this need for intimacy. 15:20 And so, if you find yourself at I don't know 45 or 35 15:25 and you're having these desires. 15:28 It's about how you direct, 15:31 you know, whatever you are feeling. 15:34 I like, I like what Josh said. 15:37 You're not trusting in God, because at the end of the day, 15:39 it's a spiritual, it's a spiritual battle. 15:42 You know, and I think that the problem is that, 15:44 most people turn it into a physical battle. 15:46 You know, they're saying, 15:48 I'm 35, I'm 40, I don't have time, 15:51 my clock is ticking. 15:53 I don't know, if I'm going to be ready, I don't know 15:55 if I'm going to be good, let me find out. 15:57 But what they're really focusing on is on them self. 15:59 And what they will be capable of not realizing, 16:01 you know that, you don't really have to experiment. 16:04 Because experiment, you know, basically, 16:07 experiment basically says, "I don't know the answer." 16:11 Which is the truth. You don't, yeah. 16:13 'Cause experimenting means you're seeking out the answers. 16:14 But in the terms of marriage, 16:16 God has already given the answer. 16:18 And so you, you aren't really supposed to know, 16:20 you know, until God answers it for you. 16:22 You know, and so I when we talk about, 16:24 we're reminded for those people who are being impatient. 16:27 You know, Isaiah says, "If you wait upon the Lord, 16:29 you know you shall renew your strength." 16:30 Hallelujah. 16:32 You know, it's like I can testify towards the marriage. 16:36 I like that, I like that. 16:38 You all gonna say something or...? 16:40 Okay, I might add on to this. 16:42 I just see the married couple 16:43 making some eyes with each other, 16:45 so I'm kind of... 16:47 A lot of, lot of dynamic is going on the set, you guys. 16:49 Anyway, what if there someone who says, listen, 16:52 I'm not going to be that serious, 16:54 you know, passing those in a marriage 16:55 that you had a past, 16:57 Chaplain Xavier understand he had a past 16:58 but, I'm not that guy, I'm not that girl, 17:01 I'm not gonna go that far. 17:02 You know, I just want to try couple of things out, 17:04 just, you know, just here and there, 17:05 because I don't want to look foolish 17:07 when I get married, or get that situation. 17:09 I kind of want to know what's going on, you know. 17:11 I can handle myself. 17:13 You know, that they may say, 17:14 I've heard people say this to me. 17:16 You know, what we'll say to them. 17:17 The pastor title is nice and everything. 17:20 But when you started, 17:21 did you think you would have gotten that far? 17:23 Never, in fact, I always said to myself. 17:26 I would, I knew for sure. You don't know. 17:28 I would be a virgin when I get married. 17:29 I just knew it. I knew it. Yeah. 17:31 There was no way. Yeah, yeah. You don't know. 17:34 So, it's a, it's a dangerous thing 17:36 to think that you have enough self-control to say, 17:40 I'm going to start and go but this far. 17:43 You don't know. Yeah. It's a good point. 17:45 I think to, you know, we have to understand 17:47 that the spiritual warfare is a battle for the mind. 17:50 You know, you have no control over God or the devil. 17:53 You don't even have control 17:55 over sort of physiological aspects of yourself. 17:57 You know, to say that you're going to be strong enough, 18:00 I would call that ridiculous. 18:01 You know, because I said that to myself. 18:04 I wouldn't be strong enough to drink yet I drink. 18:06 I wouldn't be strong enough to do this, 18:08 I did it, you know. 18:09 I thought I was strong enough not to have sex before marriage 18:11 and I did, and I did it. 18:13 I wasn't strong enough, you know, 18:15 you always say these things to, not because you think you are, 18:18 it's just to kind of lie to yourself, 18:20 and make yourself reassure that you can 18:22 but in reality by saying, by repeating it to yourself, 18:25 that means you're that much weaker. 18:27 Sure, there is a way that seems right into a man, 18:29 but in the end it leads to destruction 18:30 and death, that's right. 18:32 Okay. 18:33 So, clearly 18:36 you know there's no way that you can know yourself, 18:38 you know, there's no way you can really tell. 18:40 But I'm gonna ask this, 18:42 throw a little monkey wrench in this thing. 18:43 Is there any other any-- 18:45 is anything you can't do? 18:46 You know, is there any things you can't do, 18:48 you know, it's like no kissing at all. 18:49 I mean I know, we talk about these in some other programs 18:52 but, you know, in this context of this experimental thing, 18:55 I can try anything. 19:00 It sounds nice to throw out the three steps to, 19:04 you know, recovery or the four steps to whatever 19:07 but it doesn't work that way for everybody. 19:12 What might work for me, or what I might be strong on, 19:16 Brittany might not be. 19:18 What she might be strong on, I might be terrible at. 19:21 And so, I would really say, 19:24 spend some time getting to know you, 19:27 know what you can handle and what you can't. 19:30 And be honest with yourself, because it's so easy to say, 19:36 like you said, you know, I'm not going to, 19:38 I'm never going to do this 19:40 and very quickly that never turns into, 19:44 "Oh, boy, where did I go wrong?" 19:45 Sure. 19:47 And I really asked that question 19:48 because there's a lot of peer pressure involved in this. 19:50 Lot of people will expect you to have done certain things 19:53 especially at a certain age you know. 19:55 There was a T.V. program I just watched. 19:59 Reality show and the guy 20:01 was talking actually to some pastors, 20:02 a pastor and his wife about his situation. 20:04 He was sharing with them. 20:06 And he was 40 years old, 20:07 and he had never even kissed the woman. 20:11 And so, they were like, they were so shocked by that. 20:14 The pastor and his wife were shocked. 20:15 Yeah, they were shocked, and they were so surprise like, 20:18 "Oh, I can't believe. 20:19 What is wrong with you?" 20:21 You know, there were saying, I'm like really 20:22 so, let's talk about that you know. 20:24 You know, even from a spiritual standpoint 20:28 a lot of people will say, there's something wrong 20:29 if you have not experimented. 20:31 So, why is it, why is it within the culture, within the church. 20:33 And why don't we encourage those who have held out. 20:37 Because with that kind of mentality, 20:39 people often can feel pressured to want to go and experiment. 20:43 So, what would you say to someone like that? 20:46 I think with being a Christian, 20:48 that's kind of an anomaly in society, 20:50 it's not kosher. 20:52 I mean it's kosher to be Christian by title 20:54 but not by walk. 20:55 And that's the issue we run into that. 20:57 You know, being a Christian doesn't make you perfect. 21:01 It just makes you realize your brokenness, 21:02 and how much more you need God and I think, 21:05 one of things is you come to a self-realization 21:07 of where your weaknesses lie. 21:09 You know, if I can be honest you know, with-- 21:12 When my wife and I were dating, 21:13 you know, there are certain things that we wish 21:15 we refrained from doing. 21:16 Not because it was something for her, 21:18 it's something for me and she respected that 21:20 because it can lead me, you know. 21:23 And that's the thing to, you know, 21:24 how much do you value yourself, 21:25 how much do you respect yourself 21:27 to be able to just restrain yourself 21:29 and understand that sex is awesome, 21:31 it's great. 21:32 But when you do with the right person, 21:34 with the one that you're married too 21:36 it is even that much greater, it's much more satisfying. 21:39 You know, mate, when we, 21:41 when we consider the possibility 21:43 of trying something here, try some there, 21:46 and maybe being able to make it through 21:48 my flesh wants to say, "It's impossible." 21:51 You know, I know for me. 21:53 You know, you can say, "Well, can we kiss?" 21:55 and I'm like, "Maybe you can kiss." 21:57 And yes, you know, one size and fit all. 22:00 But we know we just said also 22:01 that you never know what'll happen. 22:03 You know, based on what you do. 22:05 And I know for me, if I, if I start kissing, 22:06 you know, not to try and kiss you. 22:10 I think that you know, my, my spirit also says, 22:13 "That anything is possible with God." 22:15 You know, and yes as you know, I don't know, 22:16 if everything is not for everyone. 22:18 In fact I can share, you know, 22:20 testimonies of friends of mine who got engaged. 22:22 And had a lengthy engagement, and made a pact with each other 22:25 that we would even, they wouldn't even kiss, 22:27 until they, till they got married. 22:29 And they didn't do it. 22:31 You know, as far as I'm concerned, 22:32 I weren't with them, you know, to confirm. 22:35 But they said they wouldn't do it 22:36 and they didn't do it, I think that in a relationship, 22:38 there has to be that intentionality 22:40 that's with their communication from the beginning 22:42 that says listen, 22:43 "There's some values I'm going to have, 22:45 and if you're not down with those values, 22:47 then we don't even need to engage in anything, 22:49 not even conversation." 22:51 You know, and so it will be a little easier 22:53 if you're engaged in a relation with someone 22:54 who has the same values, or that will respect your, 22:57 you know, respect your values so. 22:59 And let's value, the values you know, 23:00 let's value the individuals who have held their value. 23:03 You know, those who have actually pressed forward 23:05 and said, I'm not going to do this, 23:06 you know, we've got to encourage those 23:08 and make sure it becomes part of the norm. 23:11 Let's make that be a subculture in the church, you know. 23:13 People who have pressed on it 23:15 and not give into temptation you know. 23:17 And even though, they may be used to think 23:19 they should be, they're old, they should be married 23:21 and this and that. 23:22 You know, praise God for that, 23:23 praise God for those individuals who are, 23:25 who are striving to do what is right, you know. 23:28 You know, it's kind of like Daniel. 23:30 Yeah. 23:31 And when he was faced with trouble 23:34 pretty much on every side. 23:36 So, the Bible says that "He purposed in his heart 23:38 that he would not sin." 23:41 You know, and I think it's the same mindset 23:47 that has to take place whenever you're in this situation. 23:52 I guess just putting myself out there. 23:56 Before Kory and I got married, we didn't have sex. 24:00 I'm not saying it was easy. Mercy Lord. 24:03 I'm not saying it was easy, and I was that 25 year old, 24:09 you know, who hadn't had sex before. 24:12 And I'm not saying that the temptations don't come. 24:15 But at the same time, you know I just like I said, 24:18 I thought to myself, "Well, if you're 25 now 24:20 and you haven't done anything yet, 24:24 then why not continue to wait for that individual 24:27 that God has prepared for you. 24:29 And like I said, it's not easy. 24:32 And I'm only putting my business out there 24:34 because I am a very private person. 24:37 I'm only putting it out there because, you know, 24:40 there might be that one person watching who is like, 24:43 you know, what this is real, 24:44 and you guys are making it sound so easy. 24:47 Yeah, yeah. 24:48 I acknowledge, it is not easy, it wasn't easy. 24:52 But I think that the rewards 24:55 that come when you do wait are amazing. 24:59 I also think that the principles 25:01 that you exercise and cultivate 25:04 as you're waiting just help you 25:07 in so many other areas of life. 25:08 I mean I was a teacher in the classroom 25:10 for eight years high school. 25:12 You know, I was able to-- 25:13 Well, kids didn't know my details 25:15 but now they probably do if they're watching. 25:17 You know, I was able to share practical things 25:20 with my students, 25:21 because that was my situation and that was my story. 25:25 You know so, I think that it is definitely possible. 25:29 It's not popular, but it's possible. 25:32 And I appreciate you for sharing that. 25:34 You know, people need to hear various examples 25:38 and to be able to see themselves in us, 25:39 and that, you know, we've been there or are there now. 25:42 And we're not perfect by any means, you know. 25:44 We're struggling through this, and trying to, 25:46 to still hold on to Jesus to get us, 25:48 get us by, get us through. 25:50 We're able to see things in a different perspective 25:52 maybe but, but, we still know the struggle is real. 25:55 You know, it's tough out there. 25:58 So, let's go and talk also about, 26:01 just give some more encouragement. 26:03 Let's do this with more encouragement. 26:04 I want to speak to someone who is right now, you know 26:07 struggling, wondering why does it even matter. 26:10 You know, I'm not really trying to go that far, 26:12 but I'm just trying to little, little bit here. 26:13 But let's give some more encouragement to them 26:15 about what, what we would say to them, 26:18 they were sitting right here with us, 26:20 and encourage them to get by 26:22 to make it through to be faithful? 26:23 I think two things that I would say. 26:25 I would encourage those who have tried. 26:28 And want to restore their purity to themselves 26:31 to really, really pray and really harness God. 26:33 Because it can happen, it happened to me in India, 26:36 the thing is just to those that are, trying to experiment. 26:39 Persist, it's not easy, but it's worth it, 26:42 it's very much worth it. 26:44 And I can only speak from experience, 26:45 not from anything else. 26:49 Well, I know for me. 26:51 I've actually fought a long time before, 26:55 before I experimented with sex or I had sex and it was hard. 26:58 And even in going to church school, 27:00 just about all my friends that had sex. 27:02 And it was extremely, extremely hard I think. 27:05 When I finally hit the pressure cooker of college, 27:08 you know, it kind of, things kind of boiled over. 27:10 But with as much as you may joke around, 27:13 you know, you know back in the day 27:14 we guys about this girl and that girl. 27:17 You know, in hindsight, you know, 27:19 I can't, you know, I wish I didn't. 27:20 You know, and what I gain from having sex 27:23 before marriage honestly, 27:26 and if I can say, I gained anything. 27:28 It wasn't worth it. 27:29 It definitely wasn't 27:30 especially after being married. 27:32 There's absolutely nothing that I learned, you know, 27:34 from any previous sexual encounter 27:36 that could have helped me so. 27:38 Yeah, I agree, I agree 27:39 I feel like if I hadn't been in that predicament, 27:41 that I place myself in I would never even had sex, 27:43 I hadn't experimented, you know. 27:45 So, hopefully this can be some good discussion topics 27:47 as youth groups. 27:49 Talk about this a lot more. 27:50 Please don't experiment. 27:52 Know that you can just trust in God, 27:53 and He will see you through. 27:55 Well, that's it for today. 27:56 Remember to always make pure choices. 27:59 God bless you. Have a good one. |
Revised 2016-04-11