Participants: John Coaxum (Host), Pr. Joshua Nelson (Host), Brittany Hill, Jeanne Mogusu, Kim Pearson
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000074
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:39 Hello, welcome to Pure Choices. 00:41 I'm your host, Pastor Joshua Nelson. 00:43 And I'm your co-host Pastor John Coaxum. 00:45 And we are talking about what women want, part two. 00:49 You see our brother on the co-host this time, 00:51 because we really want to get down to the nitty-gritty 00:53 and discuss this thing once again. 00:55 Before we do get into discussion, 00:57 let's just pause for a moment of prayer. 00:59 Heavenly Father, we just ask 01:00 that Your Spirit would be with us now 01:02 as we discuss these important topics, 01:04 in Jesus' name we pray, amen. 01:06 Amen. 01:07 All right, so you already know our co-host, 01:08 let's go to the couch here 01:10 and look at the beautiful ladies we have today. 01:12 We have Brittany here once again from the seminary 01:14 at Andrews University, just graduated there. 01:16 We have Kimberly Pearson, 01:19 who is the associate chaplain at Oakwood University. 01:22 We have Dr. Jeanne Mogusu, who is also at the seminary, 01:25 she just finished up their in Berrien Springs. 01:26 And of course, myself, I'm from South Carolina 01:30 with two churches out there 01:31 and Pastor Coaxum here is from Ohio 01:33 and he has a church there, 01:34 associate pastor there at in Cleveland. 01:38 So we're happy that we're here 01:40 and, John, we gonna really talk these ladies here 01:42 and find out what women really want. 01:46 Because we have part one and, you know, 01:49 they were giving us some cute answers, you know. 01:50 Right. Okay. 01:53 But we're gonna really get into this so. 01:55 So let's start. How should a man dress? 02:02 You know, what's the best attire 02:04 as you feel a man should wear, you know? 02:06 I'm trying to have you all look at what I'm wearing today 02:08 and what John's wearing today? 02:09 What do you all really attract to when it comes to what, 02:13 what a man should dress like? 02:15 I'll say... 02:17 All right. 02:18 I say presentation is key, you know, 02:20 just like you don't buy a raggedy old car, 02:23 if you don't have to. 02:24 Oh, wow. 02:25 I'm just saying, you want me to say. 02:28 You wanna make sure presentation is key. 02:31 For me personally, if you're, 02:33 if I can see any part of your underwear 02:36 like three quarters, a half, a quarter, 02:40 I mean really, what, and for me that just tells me, 02:43 you don't care enough about yourself. 02:45 And I don't know that I want to be, "No, I know, 02:49 I do not want to be with someone 02:50 who doesn't care about themselves." 02:52 You know, I agree with you wholeheartedly, 02:55 it's really about the package in the presentation. 02:58 If I was going to buy something, 03:00 say you go to the store and you have a package 03:02 and it's the same package, 03:04 but one is like dented and beat-up 03:06 and then it's all tore down, 03:08 you're going to move that one to the side 03:10 and pick up the one, 03:11 where that's it's still packaged very nice. 03:13 And I think the same thing can be said about 03:15 a good looking man, 03:16 who has himself well put together. 03:18 It doesn't say, you can have days, 03:19 you just, you know, I just hanging out, 03:21 but for the most part that, that plays a huge part, 03:25 we're visual just like men, maybe not the same way 03:27 but definitely like a man that looks good. 03:29 Okay. 03:31 As a rule, I think a man's clothes 03:32 should be able to fit him, it shouldn't be too baggy 03:35 that is hanging off, or it shouldn't be too tight 03:38 that it looks like he's uncomfortable 03:39 and he can't breathe... 03:42 Or move. That's right, or move. 03:44 Yeah. 03:45 It's like the shuffle one way to another. 03:48 So that's like the basics, 03:50 it has to be able to be able to move and it's not too... 03:54 Be able to move. Baggy. 03:56 Or tight. Or yeah, tight. 03:59 So, so we just say then, 04:01 me and John have met the standards here? 04:04 Yeah. You guys did good. 04:05 Yeah, you did good. It's casual. 04:07 Visually we'll take it, we'll take it. 04:09 You'll take it. 04:10 The package that ain't that bad. 04:12 Okay. We got a raggedy car. 04:13 I know it. We got to repackage ourselves. 04:16 Okay, so, ladies, I have a question for you guys. 04:18 All right, what is a good day for a guy to take you on? 04:22 Oh, wow. 04:24 I would say that, what would impress me personally is 04:28 for guy who is creative. 04:30 I like to think that 04:31 I am worth putting a little more time into, 04:35 so anything that shows that you've actually thought 04:37 about what you, you know, what kind of a date it is. 04:41 You know, gains you lots of brownie points, 04:44 like your market value just shoots through the roof. 04:48 Yeah, I mean, I'm being real. 04:50 And it also depends on where in the relationship you are. 04:52 If I'm just starting to know you, 04:54 I may not be comfortable in places 04:55 where it's just the two of us 04:57 and there's no one for thousands of miles, 05:00 you know, yeah. 05:02 I don't know, I don't know you like that. 05:04 Well, I would say, I mean, anything that can be fun, 05:09 you know, playful, have a good time. 05:11 So one day, I like to do is I like to go play pottery, 05:14 so that's something where you can go, 05:16 you can put your own spin on it, 05:17 you can make something that you can take with you. 05:20 If you're trying to leave an impression on her, 05:21 you take it with you, you got to make this cup or plate. 05:25 You know, go to something they have like 05:27 the trampoline houses and just have fun. 05:30 I mean, like she said, plan it out. 05:34 A woman loves to know that a man thought it out 05:37 and thought it through. 05:39 That's right. That's right. There you go. 05:40 I would agree creativity is key, 05:42 but I'm also a simple person. 05:44 So I don't want a guy to stand over in too much 05:48 'cause I'll be sitting down then, and I'll be thinking, 05:51 "Why are we eating this meal, and it's like $200?" 05:54 Wow. "Why are we doing this?" 05:56 It's just over the top, 05:57 something simple maybe like a home cooked meal, 05:59 I'll be fine with that, or simply going to play a game, 06:03 maybe bowling or something, something simple, 06:05 doesn't have to be over the top. 06:06 A walk in the park. Yes. A walk in the park. 06:08 You know, so you can be able to just talk 06:10 and communicate and really get to know each other better. 06:12 Guys underestimate the walk in the park. 06:14 Yeah. Yes. 06:15 It's true. 06:16 And there's always this misconception 06:18 that a good day has to cost money. 06:20 Yeah. It does not have to cost money. 06:23 Anything that allows you to spend 06:25 and women are big on anything that is like allows you 06:30 to pay attention to them, 06:32 you know, you may not want to go in a place that's so loud, 06:35 especially when they're starting to know somebody, 06:38 because then you can't talk, you're trying to, 06:41 you're struggling to hear what the person is saying. 06:43 Then someone says one thing and you hear something else, 06:47 you know, it doesn't go too far. 06:50 I mean, you know, think it through and that, 06:53 you know, such things shows that someone has really 06:57 taken the time to think it through, yeah. 06:59 Okay, so I mean, I'm getting the general consensus 07:01 obviously is creativity. 07:02 Yeah. 07:04 But what about the first date 'cause I know you guys talk 07:06 about first impressions are always, you know, 07:09 very important. 07:10 What should I do, now I'm directed at me 07:12 if you will, help a brother out here. 07:14 What should I do if I want to take a young lady 07:16 on a first date? 07:19 I would always say, make it neutral. 07:22 Make it a place where she won't feel uncomfortable, 07:26 I always suggest for first dates 07:28 that you meet at the location, 07:32 so that there's not, 07:36 it can eliminate some uncomfortable situations 07:38 and awkward moments. 07:40 I always say, don't make the date too long. 07:43 Leave woman with wanting to be like, do a little more. 07:46 Let's say, go for a walk in the park. 07:49 Sometimes I think like dessert dates are always good, 07:51 it's quick, it's easy, it's thoughtful, it's sweet. 07:54 Yeah. 07:55 And then you're done, you don't have to worry about 07:56 spending a lot of money on a restaurant 07:58 or anything like that. 07:59 So do a little dessert date, go for a walk in the park, 08:03 give her a little something or token to remember 08:05 and then see you later. 08:07 Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. 08:09 You can do something like a zoo or I mean, you know, 08:12 something that is so that. 08:15 I think the key is, especially if it's someone 08:17 that you've just met, it's a first date. 08:20 And if it's someone that you don't know very well, 08:22 you want to be in a place where, even if you don't like, 08:26 that if you realize that you don't like, 08:28 want to spend that much time with the person, 08:30 that you have an out. 08:31 Yeah. 08:33 So make it really, I'm just being real, you know. 08:36 Yeah, of course and it could go either way, 08:38 like maybe the guy is really interested. 08:40 Maybe you're really interested. 08:42 Then you get there and you're like, oh, snap, 08:44 I don't want to spend that much time. 08:48 There's really nothing, you know, to this person. 08:51 Something that maybe like an hour, and you know, 08:55 in that way with an option of we can extend it, 08:59 make it like early in the afternoon 09:01 or like you know 4 o'clock 09:04 so that if you want to go somewhere else you can. 09:07 Okay, one more question. 09:10 Should the guy pay for everything? 09:12 Good one. Mercy. 09:14 Because she, Kim just said neutral a minute ago, 09:16 so going to a neutral location, so doesn't that mean also that, 09:19 you know, since we're already gonna spend our own gas money 09:21 to get there. 09:23 And especially, if you'd think about college setting too. 09:25 We all have brought that same amount of money, 09:27 and just 'cause I'm a man, 09:28 don't mean I got a certain extra money, you know. 09:29 That's right. I'll say, yes. 09:32 I would say on a first day, definitely. 09:33 Okay. 09:34 Because it shows intention and then I think from there, 09:37 you guys can have a discussion about what, what you want, 09:40 I mean, relationship is about communication. 09:42 But I think it also sets the precedence of, 09:45 "Hey, I'm interested in you, I'm putting that effort." 09:48 And like she said, first dates don't have to be expensive 09:50 if you can be creative, and if you're not creative, 09:52 there's Google. 09:55 Google has the answers to everything. 09:58 All right, you guys have a resource, 09:59 you have a lot of good ideas. 10:01 Phone a friend. Yeah, phone a friend. 10:03 Yes. 10:04 I think it depends, I'm going to be like 10:05 the controversial person on here. 10:08 You don't have to pay for everything, 10:11 because it's the first date. 10:14 And something women feel that pressure 10:15 that if he is paying for everything, 10:17 then that means I have to be here a little bit longer. 10:20 I have to kind of talk to you, like kind of have... 10:22 So doesn't have that confidence if she wants to leave, she can. 10:25 And it also depends on the woman, 10:27 if we're both college students, 10:29 then obviously I know that you're not... 10:32 Probably make it. 10:33 No, I personally would say, "Hey, we can probably split." 10:37 But it will be nice, if you say, 10:39 "Well, you know, I've got this, 10:41 you can push it a little bit more, 10:44 but doesn't have to be, yes, I have to pay for everything." 10:47 And we cannot go out unless I'm paying for it. 10:48 Okay. 10:50 We're going to move on to something else, 10:52 I was saying, before that I want to ask you 10:53 real quick about being romantic. 10:55 How should a guy be romantic? 10:58 What is romantic that a guy does? 11:00 Listen. There you go, one word. 11:03 Listen. Okay. 11:05 There you go. You gonna leave with that. 11:07 'Cause I'm about to get married, 11:09 I guess it's worth it. 11:11 For me I want person that likes to see, 11:13 when someone does stuff with their hands. 11:16 And if you cook for me, then that's real huge plus. 11:19 If you make something with your hands, 11:21 maybe a card or even write a letter, 11:23 that's romantic, extremely romantic, triple. 11:27 Is there a place for a man to ask, 11:29 you know, what do you consider, 11:31 coming that may not be somebody else's. 11:32 Yeah. 11:34 But does that 'cause guys come over time, 11:35 but there are some general things that you would say, 11:36 all you know, women could say or remember anything, 11:39 listening is a good one you said. 11:40 I think and the reason why I said listening first is 11:43 because women will tell you, 11:44 how to romance them if you listen, 11:46 we'll be going to... 11:48 Okay. You can listen more than just with your ears too. 11:49 Yeah. 11:50 And so, you know, you're walking somewhere 11:52 she tells "Oh, that's so cute." 11:54 Listen, put a sticky note in your man brain, 11:57 and stick it somewhere 11:58 where you can remember later on 12:00 when you're thinking, 12:01 what does she like or remember we were walking 12:03 and she says, she like that. 12:04 Or, you know, different things like that, 12:06 so listening really helps you to get to know that woman. 12:09 But I think there's some simple things like affirming, 12:11 encouraging, so things that are affirming, 12:13 things are encouraging, and things that are fun 12:16 that help a woman to feel safe, 12:17 so I think those are romantic things. 12:19 And also I ask you... And just because this. 12:20 Yeah, and also add too, you know, 12:22 finding out what their love language is, you know. 12:23 Yes. 12:24 How do they respond to certain things because, 12:26 you know, for you, 12:27 you know, you may be doing all those things, 12:28 you may be thinking that, that's romantic 12:30 but really they respond better just, you know, 12:33 spending time or, you know, 12:35 giving them a hug or something like that. 12:36 So that's very, that's very, very key in discovering 12:39 what's romantic for your woman. 12:41 I'm agreeing with what Kim says with the whole listening thing. 12:45 But I love my fellow women, but we are not as clear 12:48 as we could be when it comes to what we want. 12:52 Say that one... Can you say it one more time? 12:53 You're not clear. 12:55 We can be a little complicated and... 12:56 A little. 12:59 Wait a minute. 13:01 We can be a little complicated 13:02 and we want to kind of assume that he should know. 13:06 Some of us, yes, we're nice and we will say, 13:08 "I kind of like that watch." 13:11 But some woman do like. 13:14 And they just know. And he's like. 13:17 "What's going on?" "What's going on?" 13:19 Yeah. You can't just expect. 13:21 I think that needs to go out to our fellow women, 13:23 you need to make it clean. 13:26 Speak out, 'cause some men are listening, 13:29 but we're not talking. 13:31 And if you're not talking, 13:32 then how are they gonna know just like 13:33 we're not mind readers, they're not mind readers. 13:35 Yeah, yeah. 13:36 And you just gave all the men how to reach out... 13:42 So listen, there're some men, 13:44 but again it's unfair for the man 13:46 to have to be like, "What do you want? 13:48 What do you want? What do you want?" 13:50 We have to do, we have to do it 50-50. 13:53 I agree, but at the same time, 13:55 if a woman is being clear about what she wants, 13:58 I think that is also important for the men to listen 14:01 to how she says it. 14:02 If she's being clear. 14:03 If, you know, yes, if she's being clear 14:05 but I also think that, you have to listen to how a woman talks. 14:09 A women will, I think women do, we share, 14:11 we tell that we're far more detail generally 14:14 than men anyway. 14:15 So in those listening, in those sometimes small conversations, 14:19 we tell men what we want and what we think is romantic 14:21 and what we like and so conversations are key. 14:24 Okay. 14:26 All right, well, hey, that's good. 14:30 Brittany, yes, Brittany, thank you. 14:31 Thank you. I really appreciate that. 14:34 Okay, now we could go on, I don't know, 14:36 do you wanna to go into the line like, 14:37 how she be approached? 14:39 Yeah, let's do that. 14:40 Ladies, and I think he's pretty much said it, 14:42 but how should a guy approach you? 14:45 I mean, you're all beautiful women, 14:46 and you know, guys are going to be attracted to you 14:48 and what not and guys are going to want to get to know you, 14:51 how should, you know, we as fellows, 14:53 how should we approach you? 14:54 What should we say? 14:56 Not in the mall, not on the street. 14:57 Not on the street, and not in the mall. 14:59 Yes. And why do you say that? 15:00 And not other stuff like. Not other stuff like. 15:02 Not on the highway driving 55 miles an hour like. 15:05 Yeah. But and why not? 15:07 Yeah, why not? Why not, really? 15:10 I think it just shows, you know... 15:13 It just shows like how much thought you put into it. 15:16 If you think I'm really that, you know, 15:18 seriously anything that is worth having 15:22 is worth fighting for. 15:23 And it's, you know, it's worth taking the time to get... 15:26 We're fighting. 15:28 So if you think like, you like what you see, 15:33 then take the time to come and say, "Hey, how you doing?" 15:35 But also don't do it enough. 15:37 The approach is always key, 15:39 how, how, how are you presenting yourself, 15:42 like are you so callous, "Hey, shorty what's up? 15:45 I mean like seriously do you think that 15:49 that's what I'm worth like, 15:51 you can't even put together a proper sentence. 15:55 It's not proper to you, 15:57 but it may be proper to that guy. 15:58 And something that he's used to saying it. 16:00 Then we're not compatible. 16:05 I still have a problem... You are the weakest link. 16:08 I still have a problem though, 16:10 you're saying you can't meet somebody at a mall or, 16:14 you know, at the park or... 16:15 Okay. While you're driving? 16:17 No, not while you're driving. 16:19 Not while you're driving. No. 16:20 Okay let's throw that to the wind. 16:21 Seriously like 55 miles per hour is not good. 16:25 We had a stoplight. But no, not at the stoplight. 16:28 There's nothing more creative than a guy, you know, 16:30 stopping in the middle of the highway 16:32 to try to talk to you or risking life 16:34 and limb to make sure that he gives you attention. 16:38 Is that not creative? Is that not creative? 16:40 I have to be kind of honest, on my birthday I was walking 16:43 and a guy stopped in the street and all the cars behind him 16:46 were just blowing and he is like, "Hi..." 16:48 Wow. "How are you?" 16:50 I'm like okay. But you're looking really beautiful today. 16:52 I said, "Thank you." 16:54 It was caught and that catch my attention. 16:56 Brittany, we're on the verge of easing, 16:58 you got a boyfriend... 16:59 But the thing is, I don't know his name, 17:02 I haven't seen him since. 17:03 Yes. It made an impression. 17:05 Okay. But I remember his face. 17:06 He just didn't follow through. Yeah, he didn't follow through. 17:07 There is a thing creativity is just one part. 17:12 Yeah. 17:13 The other part of that is there has to be intention, 17:16 behind that. 17:17 Okay, so you can approach a woman at a mall, 17:21 since that seems to be your frame of reference. 17:23 All right. 17:26 I would, I would lead with a non-threatening compliment. 17:31 Okay. Yes, yes. 17:33 And then I would maybe just be intentional I think, 17:37 you know, you're very beautiful, 17:39 I would like to have maybe have a conversation with you 17:41 or just get to know you. 17:42 Now, my personal preference, 17:44 I think that if the guy is approaching 17:45 maybe he can make the woman feel little safer 17:47 by giving him, 17:48 her I mean, giving her his number first. 17:51 Saying, you know, if you're interested 17:52 why don't you just call me. 17:53 But the thing about women is 17:55 the initial approach is flattering, we like attention. 17:58 I mean, all woman, you know, if a woman says, 18:00 we don't like attention, we're lying. 18:02 We like attention, 18:03 but our attention has to translate into intention. 18:06 So you can give us attention but it has to go into 18:09 now what are your intentions. 18:10 Okay, I mean, my concern is for women is 18:13 that they assume that every guy 18:15 that wants to approach them in the mall or in a public area 18:17 or some guy that they don't know, 18:18 has some kind of bad intention or nefarious intention 18:21 and so they, they prejudge that guy. 18:24 But isn't it possible that a guy 18:26 could come up to you in the mall, 18:27 or in a public place 18:28 and be a potential candidate for marriage, 18:30 he could be a good guy, right? 18:32 It's possible. Yeah. 18:33 Unlikely but... 18:35 Oh, unlikely. It's possible. 18:37 I mean, but the pull, the pull violence. 18:39 Okay, so if, if I want to if I'm interested in a person, 18:43 I like basketball, like sports and I'm looking for someone 18:45 who complements me, more than likely, 18:47 I'd be more willing to have a conversation with someone 18:48 I meet at a gym 18:50 or a basketball tournament, whatever. 18:53 If I'm into godly men 18:55 and I'm looking for a Christian man, 18:58 then I may be more open to receiving 19:01 an approach from a man in a Christian setting. 19:03 Like at a church? 19:05 Maybe at church. Maybe at church. 19:07 That's a whole another... 19:08 Church is social. Church is social. 19:12 Not the altar call. Not during the altar call. 19:14 Not during the appeal. Not during prayer. 19:16 But you're sitting right next, 19:18 you held my hand during the altar call. 19:19 Seriously. 19:21 'Cause you need to come to Jesus. 19:22 Yes. 19:24 But you know, but if I'm... 19:25 the mall is such a wide spectrum, 19:26 I don't know what you're about, I don't know who you are, 19:28 so I'm gonna have my guard a lot higher up at a mall 19:32 than I would at a setting that levels the playing field. 19:34 Okay. 19:36 Introduce yourself at community service. 19:38 Have mercy. That's good. 19:41 As opposed to other side of the road. 19:43 You know, orange jumpsuit. What? 19:46 I don't know. Okay. 19:51 Anyway I think that from this point 19:54 I wanna like to ask these questions 19:55 it's gonna be getting me in trouble, 19:57 but why do women like to play so many games. 20:00 Oh, yes, Josh. I mean. 20:02 Good. Why do you play games? 20:03 Just tell what you want and do what you wanna do 20:05 and say what you wanna say. 20:07 I don't think women play any more games than men do. 20:08 Hallelujah. 20:10 I was about to say, y'all play a lot of, a whole lot of games. 20:12 I mean the whole idea and, you know, 20:15 it boils down to communicate, communicate, communicate, 20:17 communicate, and if I haven't said that enough, communicate. 20:20 Okay. 20:22 Why are we supposed to know what you want. 20:24 A guy shows up, and he just makes himself, 20:27 he literally puts himself in the friend zone. 20:30 He may be trying to get to know you better, 20:32 but he will stay in the friend zone 20:34 until he comes up and says something. 20:37 Now he may be nice and do everything 20:39 that would probably give him brownie points, 20:43 his market value may shoot like way high, 20:46 but dude you've put yourself solely in the friend zone. 20:50 So how am I supposed to know? 20:51 As far as we're concerned, he's just not into you, 20:54 he's not just that into you, 20:55 if he's not making an effort to get with you. 20:58 Games. 20:59 I don't think that women, I don't think that women... 21:01 Okay, a woman who's ready today will not play games. 21:05 Yes. A girl plays games. 21:06 A girl plays games. 21:08 A woman, a woman, 21:10 sometimes I think men mistake our complexity for games. 21:15 Guess we're complex and I could be honest 21:17 when I say, sometimes we know what we want, 21:19 sometimes we don't know what we want. 21:21 There are times when we're very clear about it, 21:24 and then there are, and then 21:26 and a month later our preferences can change. 21:28 Right. 21:29 So communication is key in that, 21:31 but I think that a woman who knows what she wants, 21:34 who knows what she wants in her life 21:35 and is ready to move in that direction, 21:36 is not gonna play games with you, 21:38 unless you're playing games. 21:39 Yes. 21:41 Okay, but don't all girls play playing hard to get, 21:44 don't all girls do that? 21:45 I mean I've dated a lot of girls 21:46 that I would say are mature, they're women, 21:48 but I've heard girls say, you know, 21:50 amongst their friends, "Oh, yeah I do like him. 21:52 Well, then why don't you call him back? 21:54 Oh, I'm just playing hard to get." 21:55 Like what you're talking about. Do you like me or not? 21:57 You guys don't want us to play hard to get 21:59 but you wanna chase and conquer. 22:01 That's like saying I wanna play hide and seek, 22:02 but I want you to stand in front. 22:04 Yeah. 22:05 You can't have it... 22:06 You can't have it both way. 22:08 You can't have your cake and eat it too, 22:10 either you want some pursue, which means as women 22:12 we have to put up boundaries 22:13 and not always make everything so easy, 22:16 I don't think unintentionally. 22:18 But at the same time, you guys got to come with it. 22:21 Can you at least make yourself a little bit of available, 22:23 I mean, you know, which is tough, man. 22:26 I think some women do make themselves 22:28 a little bit available. 22:29 But the issue is, if you've been hurt before, 22:32 you don't want to get attracted to a guy 22:35 that is just gonna hurt you a few years down the road. 22:37 And there are a lot of men that pretend to be nice, 22:40 they can win Oscars, Grammys 'cause they are perfect 22:44 at just pretending to be a good quality man, 22:48 who's going to take care of them, 22:49 who's going to love them till death do them apart, 22:53 and then when they get married, he's abusive. 22:56 Yeah. 22:57 He's abusive, he hurts the children, 23:01 he hurts her, he separates her from not only her family 23:04 but her friends and her loved ones. 23:06 You watch that happen so many times 23:08 that women wants to put up those extra barriers 23:09 to protect her heart. 23:11 Yeah. 23:12 You don't wanna just give your heart to anybody 23:14 and they just break in and they shatter it. 23:15 Yeah. 23:16 I think it's important to recognize 23:18 that we're all afraid of rejection. 23:20 It's every human being is afraid of rejection. 23:22 We want to be wanted. We want to be in relationship. 23:26 We're built for relationship. 23:28 So we're not going to put ourselves in positions that 23:31 will give anyone that ability to reject us, 23:35 any more than a man would do it. 23:38 So I think it's also and that I would say, 23:42 is why you need to build up to, you know, your approach, 23:46 your conduct, how you carry yourself, 23:49 integrity, you know, 23:51 if you show yourself as a person of integrity, 23:53 you'll always win... 23:55 I believe you'll always win. 23:56 I know they say, good guys, you know, finish last, 23:59 but I don't believe that. 24:01 When the Bible says, guard your heart. 24:02 Yeah. 24:04 And I think that we can't be offended 24:05 when or I don't think men should be necessarily offended 24:08 when a woman guards her heart. 24:10 If she guards her heart, I can say, 24:12 if you're really interested in her, 24:14 then that will even add value to her 24:16 because you know she's not the person 24:17 that just give everything to every man. 24:19 Yeah. 24:20 And that's true, but we don't want to push too hard too, 24:22 you know, because of sometimes you all, I mean, 24:24 you're not gonna be honest too, 24:26 sometimes you really don't want the guys to just know 24:27 so you're really kind of playing, 24:29 you don't want them to talk to you at all, you know. 24:31 So I mean, you know, I think there is a happy medium 24:33 that we have to all find, you know, and saying okay, 24:36 just be honest and say 24:37 what you really want or you know, 24:39 so you don't have anything to do with the guy, you know. 24:41 Yeah. 24:42 Yeah, I feel also though that, you know, 24:43 it's like conundrum in the mind of a man right now. 24:46 It's like, I don't know what to do. 24:47 You want me to be direct, you want me to be creative 24:49 and come another route, you want me to be vague 24:51 and then kind of follow you in? 24:53 What do you want me to do? 24:55 All of the above. All of the above. 24:58 And these are answers that I'm accustomed to getting, 25:00 and hence reason why most men are confused today. 25:02 I don't know if there's an answer. 25:03 Exactly. 25:05 I think the issue is, you can't put us in a box, 25:07 we're not all the same. 25:09 Every woman is different, 25:11 I'm sorry but every woman is different. 25:13 And you have two word. We all just want two things. 25:17 And not all men are the same either, 25:19 but every woman is different 25:21 and you're gonna have to realize that, 25:23 while you're approaching her, 25:25 that if she's guarding her heart, 25:27 then you need to be the man 25:29 that she knows will protect her heart. 25:31 Sometimes you have to prove yourself... 25:33 Okay. 25:34 You may not want to do it, but you should, 25:36 it shouldn't be something that you have to tell us 25:38 or I have to prove myself that I'm gonna protect her heart. 25:40 It should be who you are 25:41 and it just shines out that overtime she's looking like, 25:45 okay, I don't need to protect my heart from him. 25:48 Okay. He actually cares about me. 25:49 And was it Jacob worked for like 14 years. 25:53 Exactly. Put them working. 25:55 And you all got to have in 14 days. 25:58 I was to think about it again or yeah. 26:01 I mean, he least knew he was already going to get her, 26:03 he's talk to them... 26:04 Anyway, okay, I heard, I see what you're pressing for. 26:06 Confidence. Okay. 26:08 We don't really have a time, 26:10 I want to have you all share experience 26:11 you thought was really good to share, 26:13 man may have done for you that was really 26:14 or some man has done for you that's really good. 26:16 Some real quick, if you share an experience? 26:19 Okay. Go ahead. 26:21 Okay. 26:22 When my fiancee first met me, 26:24 I was talking to another girlfriend, 26:26 and we were having a conversation, 26:27 he just jumped into the conversation 26:29 and that's how I met him. 26:31 Basically, he jumped in 26:32 and I remember him since then, yeah. 26:34 And that worked for us. Direct, huh. 26:36 He said, what he wanted, okay. 26:38 Yes, got one more, go ahead. Yeah. 26:41 A guy that I was dating previously, 26:42 I was really, really sick 26:43 and I just was not feeling well at all 26:45 and so he comes over with like every 26:48 like medication on the counter, 26:51 you know, Nyquil and just everything 26:53 and just sets it up, 26:54 you know, just and has some flowers there with it. 26:57 And so it just was such a thoughtful gesture that, 27:00 you know, you're not feeling well 27:01 and usually women are the ones that take care and nurture. 27:04 But it was just such a sweet thoughtful gesture that he got, 27:06 I don't know what medication she want, 27:08 so I just got the whole shelf. 27:09 And then here are some flowers just to remind that 27:11 even though you don't feel beautiful right now, 27:14 I want you have something beautiful to look at. 27:15 Wow, that's nice. 27:16 Medication cost little more money 27:18 but that was good gesture. 27:20 Okay. That's good. Well there are some things. 27:23 What we've learned, we learned some things today, John. 27:25 I think so. 27:26 I think we've learned some things, 27:27 I mean still have to workout a few things, 27:29 still we've learned some things. 27:30 And the text says in Ephesians 5:25, 27:34 "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church 27:38 and gave himself up for her." 27:41 So men, we have a duty 27:43 and it starts with being like Jesus. 27:46 And that's really when you begin to learn really 27:47 what a woman wants, someone who will sacrifice for her. 27:51 And hey, guys, if nothing else, 27:53 always remember make Pure Choices. 27:55 God bless. |
Revised 2017-06-19