Participants: Pr. Joshua Nelson (Host), Jeanne Mogusu, Kim Pearson, Korey P. Douglas, Vaughn Edmeade
Series Code: PC
Program Code: PC000072
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues.
00:03 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:05 may be too candid for younger children. 00:40 Hello and welcome to Pure Choices. 00:41 I'm your host Pastor Joshua Nelson 00:43 and we have an interesting and fun one for you today. 00:47 We're talking about flirting. The title is "Holy Attraction." 00:51 So how should a man or a woman 00:54 really attract someone or their mate to them? 00:57 What's the right way of going about it? 00:59 Should you use flirting? 01:00 Should you use other gimmicks to get somebody to be with you? 01:04 We're gonna talk about it 01:05 and find out exactly what you should do. 01:07 But of course, before we can go into the subject, 01:09 let's talk to the one who can guide this discussion, 01:11 Jesus, let's pray. 01:13 Heavenly Father, we thank you so much for this moment. 01:16 This time that we can discuss these important issues, 01:18 we ask that Your Spirit would guide us 01:19 as we talk about these things in Jesus name we pray, amen. 01:23 Amen. 01:24 All right, to my left I have Miss Kimberly Pearson, 01:27 who is the associate chaplain at Oakwood University. 01:30 So glad she is here. 01:32 Also we have Vaughn Edmeade who is, 01:35 starting on his master's over at Oakwood University, 01:38 happy that he's here. 01:39 Next we have Dr. Jeanne Mogusu who is recent graduate 01:43 of Andrews University in Berrien Springs Michigan. 01:46 And then we have our pastor, Pastor K.P. Douglas 01:49 who is the pastor of two churches out there 01:52 in southeast Missouri 01:54 and, of course, I'm Pastor Nelson, 01:55 pastoring two churches in South Carolina 01:57 with the South Atlantic Conference. 01:59 So we are excited that we can be here 02:03 and discuss this topic of holy attraction. 02:06 Now we want to really, 02:08 by the end of this discussion today, 02:10 really give some practical things 02:11 of how a young man or young lady 02:13 can attract the opposite sex, okay. 02:16 But let's begin with how we often have done it. 02:18 Okay. 02:20 And again, I don't know, what is wrong with that 02:21 but flirting, right? 02:23 Most people know how to flirt. 02:24 I'll say that I've done my share of flirting. 02:27 Oh, yeah, I know it's hard to believe, all right. 02:31 So is flirting bad? 02:33 Let's just go ahead and start there. 02:34 Is flirting wrong? Is it bad? 02:35 What you guys think? 02:37 I don't know, if I will say flirting is good or bad, 02:40 I think, you know, maybe there are degrees of flirting. 02:42 I know for myself it is something 02:44 that's come natural. 02:46 It's a more of a personality thing, 02:47 you know, sometimes I just find myself talking, 02:49 some times I am flirting 02:50 and I have no idea that I'm flirting 02:52 until I get that mean look 02:53 50 minutes later like seriously, 02:55 did you have to say that to her, 02:57 you know, that's all. 02:58 At sometimes, you don't know, 02:59 so I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing... 03:01 Sorry to... because y'all... 03:03 But can we define flirting real quick? 03:04 Just so we kind of know, yeah, 03:06 so, just to make kinda clear what it could be 03:07 and maybe there's different definition, 03:09 so you want continue maybe define real quick? 03:11 What do you think it is? 03:12 Flirting is being friendly 03:15 with the intention of having somebody notice you. 03:18 I think it is the only way I can. 03:20 Okay, all right. Jeanne, how would you define? 03:22 I don't know but it's with the intention 03:24 of somebody can know you, 03:26 I think it's sometimes just a person, 03:28 I don't know, I don't even know that they've got flirting, 03:32 'cause if it was not intentional, 03:35 then why would it be bad? 03:38 I don't know. I don't know. 03:39 I don't know. Okay, all right, Vaughn. 03:42 So I think that flirting is really a matter 03:45 of two people communicating and within that communication, 03:48 you know, you begin to pick up on attractions, 03:50 I don't think it's necessarily always intentional 03:53 but you do start to notice that there might be an interaction 03:56 of some sort, on some level, 03:57 you know, even if it's just a minute level. 03:59 Okay, all right, Kim. 04:01 I think it's like Pseudo sexual communication. 04:06 It's kind of like those sexual undertones 04:08 but it's kind of playful, 04:10 I think it's a way of communicating. 04:12 So I don't know if necessarily it can be right or wrong 04:14 but just it's a way people who are attracted 04:17 to each other communicate. 04:18 Well, that was actually a pretty good definition. 04:20 That actually, the actual definition, 04:23 you know, playfully romantic, 04:26 you know, gestures that you make 04:27 towards someone so the after it has to do 04:28 with romantic play being playful, 04:30 sexual is part of it as well. 04:33 So all those that things together 04:35 is going to be defined as flirting. 04:37 So knowing that is that something 04:40 that we should be doing or is it just part of it, 04:43 just kind of natural. 04:45 Here we go. 04:46 Is flirting like inherently bad? 04:48 I don't know if it's bad. 04:50 I would say that it's something that depends on the context, 04:54 you know, I am gonna be real, there were times 04:55 when I'm flirting and I know I should not be. 04:58 You know, I am just being real 04:59 and there are times where I am flirting as innocent 05:02 and like I said earlier there're times 05:03 when I'm flirting and I don't know 05:04 until afterwards I'm told. 05:06 You know, and I immediately think 05:07 of those times where, you know, I'm somewhere 05:09 and there's a girl and she's real good looking 05:11 and I'm gonna look at her 05:13 until she makes eye contact with me to know 05:17 that I am looking at her 05:18 and I notice her, you know, what I am saying. 05:20 Now that right there to me 05:21 is uncalled for and unnecessary, 05:23 'cause I have no intention of talking to her. 05:24 I just want her to simply know that, you know... 05:26 Know that she know. She's hot. 05:28 And maybe she'll be thinking about it like, 05:29 "Wow, you know, he noticed me, you know." 05:30 Which has, there's no good intention behind that. 05:33 So I think, you know, it's definitely contextual. 05:36 Okay, anybody else gonna add on me, 05:38 is it wrong, is it bad? 05:41 Knowing the definition now, Jane, come on now talk with me. 05:43 And I'll let you off the hook. You mean, Pseudo sexual. 05:47 Overtures. Play for overtures. 05:50 No, I mean I think, I think it's very easy 05:54 for someone to be mislabeled 05:58 as being intentionally flirting, 06:02 I agree with Korey, sometimes we just don't even know... 06:04 You feel that you've been mislabeled? 06:07 Sometimes we don't even know that you are flirting. 06:09 You know, and it just could be 06:11 that you're a really genuinely nice person 06:12 who likes to affirm people, 06:14 but some people will take it personally. 06:16 That's true, the point, yeah. I mean, seriously I could say. 06:18 "Hey, Korey, you look really nice." 06:20 Or, "Hi, Vaughn, today that shirt looks 06:22 really good on you." Thank you. 06:23 And I don't mean anything, 06:25 you know, any, any, I don't mean any thing... 06:28 But wait, you said it looks good 06:31 on you, not you. 06:33 Now something when I just wear it, 06:34 would it look good? 06:36 Well, Joshua, maybe the shirt 06:38 that you're wearing is a very nice shirt. 06:40 I just find you're flirting behind that... 06:41 But here is the difference, it's the context. 06:44 I can say "Korey, I really like that shirt." 06:47 Or, "Korey, Korey, nice shirt." 06:52 I'm just saying. 06:54 You know, and so I think especially as women 06:57 we are very good at subtleties. 06:59 Oh, wow. 07:00 We are very good at taking those small little things 07:06 with our eyes, with our tone, with our, 07:08 you know, and just making it just a little more, 07:12 to let the guy know 07:14 I just want you to know that I know. 07:16 Which would be similar to Korey's looking? 07:19 Yes. Okay, he's scared now. 07:20 I would say, I say it's a woman. 07:22 I think that's just what we do as humans. 07:23 Like well, we want people to know that we notice them. 07:26 We're gonna let them know, you know. 07:27 Okay, so going kind back to where, 07:30 trying to keep this whole thing with holy attraction, 07:33 you know, what is really behind that? 07:34 Because, I mean, we, like you say, 07:37 we're okay to flirt with somebody 07:38 who we don't even intend to really be with, okay. 07:41 But we still kind of have something in us that, 07:43 you know, even that whole stare down thing, 07:44 we want them to kind of 07:46 not only you notice that we notice them, 07:47 but we want them to notice us, you know. 07:50 So is that kind of behind flirting as well, 07:52 what do you think? 07:54 I came up with like my own theory years ago 07:57 and what I notice is that for us fellows 08:00 we like to conquer, right? 08:04 And so one of the things, one of the ways 08:05 that we find ourselves in trouble often 08:07 is that even if we find ourselves with somebody, 08:11 sometimes we just like to know that if we wanted to, 08:15 we could be able to get with somebody else, right? 08:17 We just have to like this complex and truthfully, 08:20 you know, I feel like, it even stumps 08:21 back to the Bible days, 08:23 you look at that some one just strokes 08:24 that these guys had and with women, right? 08:28 You know, and so what happens I think 08:30 and this is where self-control needs to start to come in, 08:34 is that men have this thing where it's like okay, 08:36 we know that we're not going to get with somebody 08:38 but we want to know that 08:40 if we wanted to we could get with them. 08:41 So we just want to know that we have your attention 08:43 if we need it, if we ever need it. 08:47 And so I think that, I think that 08:50 when we talk about flirting, you have to know yourself, 08:52 you have to know that 08:54 even if you're not intentional about flirting 08:55 that people have come up to you and spoken to you about ways 08:58 that you come off as flirty, 08:59 and so now you have to start paying attention 09:00 to those things to make sure 09:02 that you correct certain behaviors 09:03 so that other people don't get force 09:05 or misrepresentations of what your intentions 09:07 are in conversation or in communication with them. 09:09 Okay, because... 09:10 More than a conqueror, literally. 09:14 More than that. More than a conqueror. 09:16 Because alternately it seems like 09:17 what you're saying is that in the harshness of flirtation, 09:21 it's kind of wrong in the sense 09:23 if you're not really planning to be with that person, 09:26 it's kind of like you're most leading them 09:28 on in the sense... 09:30 I don't, I would... Disagree. 09:33 Kind of disagree, 09:35 because I think there's some things 09:36 that you cannot change about yourself. 09:39 Sanguine people are generally people 09:42 who have a personality, 09:44 they just ones that is just bubbly... 09:46 Yeah. 09:48 They cannot want to be, who are essentially 09:50 the center of attention at all times 09:52 and they want everything on them at all times. 09:56 I don't know that you can change your personality types 09:58 and there's something about yourselves 10:00 that you cannot change. 10:02 I have a friend who is always constantly being told, 10:05 her eyes are, are flirtation, like she's always flirting 10:08 because she's got sexy eyes, 10:10 you know, she doesn't have to do, 10:11 I mean, you cannot. 10:13 Who is that really? 10:14 I am curious, kind of curiosity. 10:16 I'm curious. 10:18 But you see, you see, right there. 10:25 Well, I agree, I agree with you, Jeanne. 10:27 Can I jump in and speak to the issue 10:28 that you are talking about with being a conqueror 10:31 and I think that for women, 10:32 the flirtatious of flirtatiousness 10:35 on our side as we know you want to conquer... 10:37 So we push against that and say you can't conquer me 10:40 and I'm no like, I have a very bubbly, 10:43 just outgoing personality 10:45 and I've been accused to be an a flirt 10:47 and all that stuff and my area or my issue 10:50 where flirtatiousness comes in, 10:52 is that men will approach me with that, 10:55 I want to conquer you. 10:56 Not necessarily in a sexual way 10:58 but just you've got this bubbly personality 11:01 and so and so and so, 11:03 come, let me take you to my cave. 11:05 Yeah, so that was, that's what happening. 11:07 They're just trying to counteract my conquering. 11:11 I don't know. 11:13 But I think what that does as women is it, 11:15 it pulls into this playful 11:19 back and forth, it starts banter... 11:21 Which initially can lead into conversation, 11:24 it can lead into, 11:25 sometimes it does lead to relationships, 11:27 other times it leads to other negative things. 11:29 Which is why I think it can be dangerous, 11:31 you know, that's why we said earlier 11:32 with the intention like you're being playful, 11:34 you want people to notice you but, why? 11:36 Yeah, yeah. Are you attracted to them? 11:38 Do you want to get to know them better? 11:39 Do you just want them to notice you, 11:40 so you can enter in a relationship or friendship 11:42 or you just doing it to do it? 11:43 You know, and so I mean that's got to be 11:45 something we think about too. 11:47 What is my intention for flirting, 11:49 you know, especially, when I'm aware of it, 11:50 that must be real, the other times 11:52 where I'm not aware but I'm most of the time 11:53 pretty aware of it. 11:55 I am pretty aware of it. 11:56 Okay, so anybody here flirt, with anybody today, 11:58 I mean, you must be honest, I don't know. 12:03 Okay, go ahead, go ahead. 12:05 And that's why, and see to touch on 12:07 what Jeanne and Korey has said, 12:09 'cause Jeanne was mentioning something about, 12:10 you know, there's some things about yourself 12:13 that you can't change but I think the whole point, 12:15 the whole reason why we're in Christ 12:16 is because we can't change, right? 12:19 And my force is to do a little bit more homework 12:22 in order to figure out how do we do this 12:24 and so yeah, we might have some attributes of ourselves 12:26 that naturally come, naturally come out 12:28 maybe we can't change our eyes, right? 12:31 But what we can do is become more verbal 12:34 and speak and say, "Look, look. 12:36 When I'm talking to this person let me make sure 12:37 that they understand exactly what my intention is 12:40 so that my eyes aren't just given out 12:42 something that I'm not intending." 12:44 You see what I am saying? Yeah. 12:45 So how can somebody know 12:47 if they're doing little too much? 12:48 You know, and they're, it is gonna little too far, 12:50 you know, what they've got to have some friends 12:52 they kind of tell them or I mean what... 12:54 You know, I think with a lot of things, 12:56 I think we like to play 12:58 as if we don't know, but we really do. 13:01 Oh, yeah. 13:03 And so a lot of times we surround ourselves 13:05 with friendship circles that either allow it to take place 13:08 or that it's okay and so like for instance, 13:11 one of the things that I've found very interesting, 13:13 like I'll go preach at a church 13:14 and when they announce that I'm a single female 13:17 and then at the receiving line 13:19 I've got people coming out to me, 13:20 you know, shaking my hand and looking me in the eye 13:22 and doing the most and I'm very firm like 13:24 thank you, have a nice day 13:27 and then they kind of get that look like, 13:28 oh, you know, you know, you know, 13:31 and there's that thing 13:32 that says it's a little too far, 13:34 I might think sometimes 13:35 that it can even be premeditated flirting, 13:37 you see something, you know you want it, 13:39 you know you want that attention, 13:40 so the first thing is to check ourselves 13:42 and say what, what's behind this? 13:45 What's the motive? What's my motive behind it? 13:48 And once I know my motive 13:50 then I can check that motive against Christ. 13:52 Yeah, yeah. Okay, anyone else add to that? 13:55 Okay. 13:57 All right, well, you know, can flirting ever be 14:02 so much that it leads to something 14:03 even more like obsession or stalking, 14:06 anybody having any experience with that, I mean? 14:09 I think, I think, 14:10 where flirting maybe dangerous is, 14:13 you know, especially we come 14:14 from the Christian point of view 14:16 where, you know, we want Christ to lead our choices 14:19 and lead us into our relationships really, 14:22 flirting is dangerous 14:24 because it may start relationships 14:25 that you'd never intended to happen 14:27 and I've been in that situation where, you know, 14:29 and I'll just say, it's very hard for me 14:30 to have female friends and I remember one relationship 14:33 where I had a female friend, 14:35 I was actually proud of the fact 14:37 that we were just friends, 14:38 like we were okay just being friends 14:40 and I don't, I can't even tell you what happened, 14:42 you know, and I thought me being nice was in a friendship, 14:45 you know, friendship box but I guess it wasn't 14:47 because eventually it was like all of sudden I found myself 14:50 we being a little more than friends 14:51 and I was like, "Wow." 14:52 You know, and so you can end up in situations 14:54 where you don't plan on going... 14:57 And we know, the more people you date, 14:59 the more attachments you make and all the other good stuff 15:01 so, it's just to save yourself from some kind of heartache, 15:04 you know, you want to be more conscious. 15:05 Okay, real quick, right... 15:06 Yeah, and I think flirting, the problem with that 15:09 is that sometimes you, like Korey said 15:11 inadvertently get yourself into a relationship that you, 15:17 in positions, you don't, 15:18 you may not even get yourself into a relationship 15:21 but you end up like leading somebody on 15:24 and you had absolutely no intentions 15:26 of being in any kind of relationship 15:28 with that person but because you, 15:31 I guess misunderstood for lack of communication 15:34 you were being nice or being yourself 15:38 or being your flirty self, and then somebody else took it 15:41 and just ran with it... Right. 15:44 You know, oh, he's being flirty, 15:46 and he is opening the door, 15:47 and he is asking me out to dinner 15:50 and he is, so you allow other people to build castles 15:55 that have you in them when you did not, 15:58 you know, go in through the door. 16:00 Okay, all right. Yeah, you can go, go ahead. 16:02 And I think we should also look at flirting 16:05 from this aspect because I don't think that 16:07 or I think we can look at it from a positive aspect like 16:10 there might be some positive attributes to flirting, right? 16:13 And I think number one if you're in Christ 16:16 and you see somebody else who according to your knowledge 16:18 you feel is in Christ, 16:20 you know, and their merchandise is good, 16:21 you know me, if their merchandise is good... 16:23 Nice merchandise... Mercy... 16:26 Hello somebody. 16:28 Then I don't see why you shouldn't, 16:30 you know, especially for God and even a girl also a woman 16:34 put yourself in a position to be noticed 16:37 or let them know that you notice them, you know 16:41 and but do it in a respectful manner. 16:43 Yeah, okay, I like it and thus we we're gonna 16:45 kind of like turn the page here and talk about 16:47 how should then as a man, as a woman, 16:49 how should you attract somebody else, 16:51 you know, what are the things you should do, 16:52 should you go, you know twerking it and dancing, 16:54 doing also the crazy stuff to... 16:55 No. No. 16:57 You know, bartender to yourself, 16:58 I mean, what are the do's and don'ts? 16:59 What is the main advice 17:01 that each of you can give to someone, say 17:02 and this is what you shouldn't do, 17:04 this is what you should do to attract the opposite sex? 17:06 Now, Korey, go ahead. 17:08 I mean, number one, you know, the Bible says 17:10 if I believe that I would draw him into me, 17:12 so number one you want to have Christ 17:13 in your life that ideal, fine. 17:15 Outside of that, we attract what we give out, 17:18 you want a good person, a wholesome person, 17:21 you got to give that out as well. 17:23 You know, so when you say should I go twerking, 17:25 should I this, that, 17:27 if you go out twerking to get a man, 17:28 you're gonna get back that kind of man, 17:30 you know, what I am saying that values, twerking, 17:31 who wants to be with man 17:33 who is just twerking on his value list. 17:34 Mercy. It doesn't make any sense. 17:36 You must me surprised. All right. 17:38 You know, and so we, you know, whatever you want, 17:40 you know, put that out there, 17:41 you know, so you don't just think about, 17:43 you know, just what I want 17:45 but what do I want to put out there, you know. 17:46 All right, okay. 17:49 Yeah, I totally not even there. Okay. 17:54 Well, I guess just a little just personal experience, 17:57 there's nothing more attractive than a man who loves Jesus. 18:01 There's nothing more attractive than a man serving Jesus 18:04 and then vice-versa, there's nothing more attractive 18:06 than a woman loving and serving Jesus. 18:10 So start there. 18:12 Get to where God is and God will get you 18:15 to who he needs you to be with. 18:17 So I know one of the best places 18:19 or best ways to attract somebody is... 18:22 Be with the person 18:24 who has your value systems would be. 18:25 So doing community service, helping out with kids, 18:29 we want somebody who's good with kids, 18:31 help out with the kids at your church, 18:33 so different things like that what attracts the person. 18:36 But I also think that you have to also understand 18:39 that the dynamics of chemistry, you can have chemistry 18:43 with somebody that doesn't mean 18:45 that you're supposed to now go, you know, marry them, 18:48 or you know, or be in a relationship 18:50 but that sometimes commonalities 18:52 can be confused with chemistry. 18:54 Right, right. 18:55 And I also think that, you know, 18:57 if I give some advice too, 18:58 that being consistent, being positive, 19:00 you know, being truthful, being loving, 19:03 these are just attributes of just being a good person, 19:05 character, go a long way with attracting someone. 19:08 You know, a lot of times you can maybe do 19:10 a little too much, little bit too forceful to that 19:12 because you're trying of force it... 19:14 But if you just being the common things 19:16 as a Christian you should be, you can attract some people, 19:19 you know, to you 19:20 and then when you're searching for someone, 19:22 you know, search for somebody who, like you said, has this, 19:24 has the values that you want, you know, try to, 19:26 you know, find, go to, into the earth 19:29 and find somebody who, you know, 19:31 shouldn't be in your, in your vocabulary. 19:33 Go ahead. Well, I am sorry. 19:34 But, you know, just as, just kind of people Kim said, 19:37 the most attractive person is the person who loves God, 19:40 who wants to be God, 19:41 but that can also be a deterrent 19:43 and I'm saying that as a pastor, 19:45 someone who studied for ministry 19:47 and I feel like we need to go here. 19:48 You know, what is unattractive is a female 19:52 who is trying to look like they love God, 19:55 or trying to be spiritual simply because they want 19:59 to be a need to be, attracted to them, 20:01 that is like the most unattractive thing 20:03 in the world. 20:05 You know, you can tell when somebody is, 20:07 well, he's a pastor so let me, every, every converse, 20:09 okay, I'm a pastor but every conversation 20:11 I won't have, does not have to be 20:12 about the 2300 days prophecy. 20:14 Like, I want to be able to just have regular conversation, 20:16 you know, like even you know in those 20:18 when ask me how the nix did last night, 20:20 you know, what I'm saying? 20:21 But don't, everything doesn't have to be super spiritual. 20:23 So I think it's, like we keep saying our intentions, 20:26 you know, don't just be spiritual 20:28 because you're trying to attract somebody, 20:30 if you seek after God, 20:32 you know, generally for your own, 20:33 you know, wellbeing, then you of course, 20:35 you will naturally attract somebody. 20:37 Yeah, I mean, even girls come and say, 20:39 I want to be with the pastor and then... 20:41 Mercy, wow. Mercy. 20:42 You know, and they find the ways 20:43 just to give it a work, you know, 20:45 I dreamt of being the first lady... 20:46 Mercy, that's so brand, burgundy flag. 20:51 I think, one of the things that's key in terms of, 20:57 you know, attracting somebody is to pay attention. 21:00 And I'm speaking from the standpoint of, 21:02 I was married and I was divorced, right? 21:05 And I think one of the things that I failed to do 21:07 was to pay attention to certain things that, 21:10 you know, even if it's something little, 21:12 but something might just be mentioned that you, 21:14 you know, as a man you want to pick up on 21:16 so that next time without somebody 21:17 even have to say anything you like, 21:19 you know, it might just be something 21:20 as simple as giving a gift, right? 21:22 And you give a gift and its like, 21:23 oh, well, they didn't even realize 21:24 that you were paying attention 21:26 to the fact that they mentioned that 21:27 when you're in such and such store 21:28 or what have you, right? 21:30 And I consider, I call it going fishing, 21:32 because when you go fishing, you have to pay attention to, 21:35 you know, what kind of water, 21:36 the fish that you want like to swim in, 21:38 if it's saltwater or freshwater, 21:40 you know, what kind of bait are they attracted to? 21:43 You see, what I'm saying. 21:44 And so I think that's why I say pay attention 21:46 because when you pay, 21:47 sometimes the tide might determine 21:48 what kind of fish on 21:50 certain parts of water, particular times. 21:52 So you have to pay attention to that person 21:53 and see what is it that makes that person tick 21:56 and when you figure that out, then you can see well, 22:00 am I willing to fulfill that need 22:04 in that particular place? 22:05 Right, okay. 22:06 I would, I don't know how to say this 22:09 but I don't know how I feel about the fishing 22:12 because, I mean, like, yeah, I know, 22:16 through at a line, but the truth 22:19 is in my experience every time 22:21 I have gone fishing I have come home... 22:23 No fish? 22:24 I have come home with fish that needed to be, 22:26 to go right back into the water. 22:28 Like I did not need to bring, bring it home. 22:32 Mercy. I'm just being real... 22:34 And I think this is specially true for women 22:38 as you do not need to go fishing, 22:41 women are not created to fish, they're created to be fished... 22:45 Yes, board. Yeah. 22:47 You know. Somebody says if catch able. 22:48 Yeah? 22:49 And so I mean and, it is very true. 22:53 To be fished, I don't even know that's an English word, 22:55 to be caught. 22:58 I mean, it goes back to the primal nature of men. 23:02 Men are designed to conquer, 23:04 you know, we're talking about that. 23:06 And so when you, I think, when you rob a man 23:11 of the opportunity to conquer you... 23:13 You will literally spend 23:15 the rest of your relationship life 23:19 trying to conquer them... 23:21 Yeah. 23:23 'Cause you've essentially robbed him off of what he is, 23:27 I don't know his in needs nature is. 23:29 Thank you, I mean, my goodness. 23:31 Can I say? Oh, go ahead. 23:32 No, I'm saying that is such an important point, 23:33 I wish you have more, really more time 23:35 to go into that but go ahead. 23:36 I was gonna say that happiness is attractive. 23:38 Oh, yes. Oh, yes. 23:40 Like, I mean as Christians sometimes we walk around 23:43 with this frowny face and we just, 23:45 I just so caught up and confessing our sins 23:50 and it's just like be a happy person. 23:54 Optimism is attractive, hope is attractive, 23:58 a smile is attractive, 24:01 and that's not necessarily flirting 24:03 but it's just showing that there's something about me 24:07 that is bright. 24:09 We live in a world that has so bad stuff going on. 24:11 I don't know, if I want to attach myself to somebody, 24:13 I want to attach myself to somebody, something good, 24:16 somebody who can smile with me and laugh with me, 24:18 and have a good time, so... 24:19 Yeah, it's a good point. 24:21 I do want to go back to what Jeanne was saying 24:22 because I think that sometimes we have the, 24:24 or we may have the misconception that us, 24:26 men we like fast girls. 24:28 You know, we like a girl that 24:29 just give it, come, just give it to... 24:31 Come-hither Right, right. 24:33 We actually want to be able to chase 24:35 and in fact it keeps relationship alive 24:37 once we can do that. 24:39 You know, for me and my wife, she didn't just say, here I am, 24:42 no, I took me sometime, 24:43 so really I have to, really get her... 24:46 I was going to say the same thing 24:47 you know, we, we want to work for it. 24:49 And so in terms of flirting, 24:51 you know, is flirting bad for women? 24:52 No, but I kind of want to flirt first, 24:54 I want you to see that I notice you 24:56 and if you want to respond to that that's cool. 24:59 It is not sexy at all for women to be hungry, 25:02 you know, after a guy. 25:03 I'm gonna be real, before I got engaged 25:05 I was talking to a few girls 25:07 who had approached me, I don't know if it was, 25:08 because I had changed my Facebook thing 25:10 and said I was now pastor at so and so conference. 25:12 So they know I had paychecks, 25:13 it seems like that for all the phone calls 25:15 and Facebook messages started coming. 25:17 But, you know, there were so many girls that, 25:19 where even friends of mine 25:20 who I never even thought of in that way, 25:22 all of a sudden well I hear you're talking with somebody, 25:24 well, let's get to know each other better. 25:26 And I'll be like, okay, let's talk 25:28 but in my mind I never really went hard for them 25:31 because I didn't, I didn't really have 25:33 the initial desire to seek after them, 25:36 you know, what I'm saying? 25:37 Yeah, they kinda took something way... 25:39 So eventually they would just fizzle out like 25:41 we would be talking, it will be cool, 25:42 they'll be cool, people but just because I didn't put 25:45 in the personal effort initially, I'll be like... 25:48 Yeah, that's definitely true in relationships 25:50 that I wasn't pursuing, they pursued me... 25:52 Yeah, they fizzle out, yeah. 25:55 But, okay, still though a woman should, 26:00 I don't think that a woman should feel that 26:02 she can at least position herself. 26:04 It's true like I said, to be noticed like, it's like, 26:06 you don't have to say anything but just be aware 26:09 you know he just might be. 26:11 Yeah, all right, all right. 26:12 Position, position yourself properly. 26:16 I think, it issues that too many women 26:17 are positioning themselves inappropriately and improperly. 26:22 Yeah, absolutely. And so the position changes. 26:25 And so, you know, I just, I really think 26:29 it's important that we as women understand 26:31 the conversation of pursuit, let a man pursue you. 26:36 Yeah. 26:37 It makes you as a woman much, you know, the valued 26:40 and it just helps you to understand who you are so. 26:43 You got to be patience too. Yeah. 26:44 Yeah. And I don't if we can go. 26:45 We talk and go ahead, real quick. 26:47 Oh, yes, I was just gonna say part of that 26:50 of letting a man pursue you is knowing your value. 26:54 You know, if I know I'm about something. 26:57 I mean, I'm not going, you gotta have to work. 27:00 Yeah. Yeah. 27:02 I mean, you're not just gonna get freebies, 27:04 like for what, for what purpose. 27:06 There's a quote that says, I mean, it's for women, 27:08 it says, "Run as fast as you can towards God, 27:12 if any man keeps up, introduce yourself." 27:14 With yourself. There you go, there you go. 27:17 Okay, so we didn't get to finish the discussion 27:19 but 'cause we do want to talk a little bit about 27:21 what men should or should not do 27:24 and how they should really go about pursuing a woman 27:25 and so that's something that I would say that 27:27 you at home or you watching with your youth group 27:29 or AOS group you can discuss that now, 27:32 talking about, you know, little more about 27:33 how to really attract a man 27:35 or a woman going to depth of that, 27:36 I think that will be really good 27:37 for your discussion groups. 27:39 Let's now end with the Bible text. 27:40 I'm gonna read from the Book of Matthew, 27:42 Matthew 5:16 it says, 27:45 "Let your light so shine before men, 27:47 that they may see your good work, 27:48 and glorify your Father which is in heaven." 27:51 At the end of the day, you should be 27:53 the light of the world to make pure choices. 27:55 God bless, have a good day. |
Revised 2017-06-08