Pure Choices

Coming Out, Pt. 3

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Yvonne Lewis (Host), Michael Carducci

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Series Code: PC

Program Code: PC000012


00:30 Welcome to Pure Choices.
00:32 I'm so glad you decided to join us again today
00:34 for another live episode.
00:35 We're here talking about
00:37 some hot and very serious topics.
00:38 And we're dealing with sexuality and sex
00:42 just so that we want our audience,
00:43 we want you all to be able to make pure choices.
00:46 Today, we have with us an exciting panel again.
00:48 We have my brother who's been with us
00:50 all season long, Pastor Alfonzo Greene,
00:52 who serves as a pastor at the First Church
00:54 in Huntsville, Alabama.
00:56 We have our special guest who's back with us again
00:58 for another episode Miss Sabrina Etienne,
01:01 who is currently a master's student
01:03 at Southern Adventist University,
01:05 and she's getting her master's in clinical counseling.
01:08 We have my brother here Pastor Michael Polite,
01:11 who is with us from Nashville, Tennessee,
01:14 the Riverside Seventh-day Adventist Church.
01:16 And then Michael B. Kelley,
01:18 pastor of the Mount Rubidoux Church,
01:20 all the way from Riverside, California.
01:23 And I am your host Pastor Seth Yelorda.
01:26 And we're glad to be here.
01:27 Now last week, we dealt
01:29 with a very hot and serious topic
01:31 along the lines of sexual abuse and molestation.
01:33 And unfortunately, these episodes,
01:35 these programs are too short for us to really delve
01:38 into a good discussion concerning these topics.
01:42 So we decided to bring back Miss Sabrina
01:44 to have her come back again
01:46 and just continue the conversation.
01:48 Sabrina, for those viewers who are coming in
01:50 for the first time, can you just sum up
01:52 what we talked about a little bit
01:54 last week with your story?
01:55 Sure. Absolutely.
01:57 Last week in part one, I discussed my story
02:00 of being molested and raped at 12 years of age
02:04 by a close family friend.
02:06 It started off as just someone touching me, fondling me,
02:10 and jesting to me verbally.
02:12 And then it progressed to a full out sexual contact,
02:16 intercourse involved.
02:18 And I was confused after that,
02:21 and I was angry at the person because I trusted him
02:24 'cause he first seemed like a friend
02:26 but then all of a sudden turned into an enemy
02:28 when he forced himself upon me.
02:29 And so I reported to my mother and my father
02:32 and to some close family members and friends,
02:35 and after that, we were able to take action as a result.
02:37 And so last week, we basically shared...
02:40 I was sharing with you all the fact that
02:42 most people out of that experience,
02:43 they suffer from confusion, whether it be sexual,
02:47 spiritual, mental, emotional confusion
02:50 where they don't really know where they stand.
02:52 And a lot of people, most of the time,
02:54 they find themselves or they find the abuse
02:57 really governing their lives without their knowledge of it
03:00 and they separate the abuse with their lifestyle.
03:03 And so they think that they're just making
03:04 conscious choices to live it the way that they want to,
03:07 but actually that abuse is kind of
03:09 governing their lifestyles.
03:10 And so today, I kind of want to discuss more
03:12 so how to get out of that
03:15 and what it looks like to get out of that situation.
03:17 And one thing I learned for me was that I shared last week
03:21 that between the ages of 12 to 15,
03:23 that's when I was a bit more reckless,
03:26 really reckless as a matter of fact,
03:28 and I was following friends and loved the attention of men
03:31 and things like that.
03:32 And at age 15, what changed it for me
03:36 where I no longer aligned myself with the abuse
03:38 by aligning myself with a higher purpose
03:40 was giving my life to the Lord fully.
03:43 And at the age of 15,
03:45 I found myself in a place where...
03:47 It's so interesting the word force,
03:49 I'll use it here in a sense,
03:51 but someone elder in my church said,
03:54 "You know, Sabrina, this Saturday,
03:55 you're getting baptized."
03:57 And I said, "No, I'm not getting baptized."
03:59 He said, "Yes, you are. You are getting baptized."
04:01 And long story short, he basically put it in my face
04:03 that I was going to be getting baptized,
04:05 and I accepted it after about 30 minutes
04:07 of a back and forth.
04:08 And I walked away, went home, and asked God
04:10 to change my heart and change my mind
04:12 and change my life.
04:13 And that Sabbath, when I came to church
04:16 and I was dipped into that pool, God changed me.
04:19 He began to change my tastes and my desires and my outlook,
04:23 and then He began, as we were discussing last week,
04:25 the process of healing me.
04:27 And it was a process indeed because my mind,
04:30 although I had victory in Jesus Christ,
04:33 He still needed to do work emotionally in me.
04:36 And one thing that we need to realize is that
04:38 if you were abused, the first step is Jesus Christ.
04:41 I can't give you anything else as a first step but Jesus
04:44 because the reality is that Jesus is the one
04:47 who has the key to your healing no matter how deep it goes,
04:52 Jesus can go down into that depth
04:54 and find a place, a source of healing in Himself
04:58 and offer to you there,
05:00 and so it starts off with Jesus first.
05:01 And I find that He's the one who kind of took me,
05:04 I mean, nights of crying
05:07 where I would literally deny some of the things,
05:09 it was just too hard to go back to that
05:11 so I would act like it didn't matter,
05:13 but I saw my life kind of following in the path.
05:15 Jesus said to me, "You know what, it's okay."
05:17 And He took His time with me.
05:19 And so Jesus was very patient with me in that process.
05:23 And I think about a story in John 11
05:26 when you think about the story of Lazarus
05:28 and Lazarus's death, and Jesus saying,
05:31 I believe in verse 4 or 6 that
05:33 "The sickness is not unto death but for the glory of God."
05:36 And often I thought about that story
05:40 pertaining to what happened to me
05:42 and what happens to so many others
05:43 when it comes to sexual abuse and you think about it...
05:46 and Lazarus, he actually did die.
05:48 He actually did die, so when Jesus said
05:50 the sickness was not unto death,
05:51 I said to myself, "Lazarus died,
05:53 but how were You going to use it for Your glory?"
05:55 And God was saying that the purpose of the sickness
05:57 was not for Lazarus to die
06:00 because there's a purpose for everything
06:01 that happens in this earth, almost everything.
06:03 You know, that raises a very good question
06:05 'cause I'm sure that there are some viewers
06:06 who are watching this and saying,
06:08 "Oh, you know, that sounds kind of fairytale-ish.
06:10 You know, Jesus came in and He rescued you."
06:13 But there are some people, I can imagine I've met many,
06:16 who they kind of blame God, you know.
06:18 They'll be like, "God, how could You
06:19 have let this happen to me?
06:20 You know, if You were real,
06:22 why would You let this abuse take place?"
06:23 And so they don't see Christ
06:26 so much as their source of healing
06:29 so much as their, almost, source of pain, you know?
06:33 'Cause I was a Christian and You let this happen to me,
06:35 so maybe it was an elder in the church
06:37 or a deacon in the church, you know,
06:38 or someone in leadership who took advantage of them
06:42 and so now they blame the church because of it,
06:43 and then you know of course they blame God as a result.
06:46 How does that, you know, even connect and resonate?
06:49 Those are some hard questions that I can say that
06:52 I asked God myself, and I found the answers in God.
06:56 And so as long as an individual is not seeking
06:59 for those answers outside of God
07:01 but is seeking God's face when it comes to those answers,
07:03 he or she is going towards the right direction.
07:05 But in the story of Lazarus, going back to that,
07:08 I believe Mary and Martha asked God the same thing,
07:10 asked Jesus the same thing,
07:12 "How could You let our brother die?
07:13 That was Your very good friend.
07:16 We sent word to You that this was going to happen to him,
07:18 that he was very, very sick,
07:19 but You still allowed him to die."
07:21 So they were looking at him like
07:22 how in the world could You allow this to happen.
07:24 But Jesus took their understanding
07:26 to a whole other level, which is what I'm hoping
07:29 viewers get from this is that
07:31 Jesus wants to take this to a whole other level.
07:33 It's not about how could You allow
07:34 this to happen, but evil took place,
07:37 and what I'm going to do is I'm about to take evil
07:39 and switch it around and turn it for good.
07:41 And so He says, "The purpose of it
07:43 is not unto death but for the glory of God,"
07:45 that means the purpose of this situation
07:48 of the rape, the molestation, whatever,
07:50 I'm going to turn it around
07:51 so that I can get the most glory out of it.
07:53 And we find it in the story of Lazarus,
07:55 He brings Lazarus back up from death to life.
08:00 And God was saying to me, "One of the ways that
08:03 I get the most glory," God speaking,
08:05 "is when I bring what was dead back to life."
08:08 And that's how the world is able to see that
08:09 I am truly God.
08:11 And so when you think about your purity
08:12 that was taken, that was dead.
08:14 Your innocence.
08:15 Your innocence that was taken, that was dead,
08:17 things like that that were taken from you
08:19 that were dead, and God says, "You know what,
08:22 that may look and be actually dead
08:24 and been rotting for some time, but I can turn that around
08:28 and I can allow that to be a place of victory for you."
08:32 And so for viewers, I want them to understand
08:34 that God did not cause this to happen
08:37 but God can surely come in the midst of that mess
08:40 and turn it around and allow you
08:42 to rebound from the situation.
08:44 So you don't always have to align yourself
08:46 with a victim mentality
08:48 or see yourself as a victor in process,
08:50 in progress that God is taking you there.
08:52 A wounded healer.
08:54 A wounded healer, a wounded victor,
08:56 you know what I'm saying?
08:57 I want to go back a little something there
08:59 'cause I think there's something practical
09:01 that, you know, our viewers can learn as well
09:04 because a lot of times
09:05 we are looking at a lot of our people
09:07 who are watching, our viewers,
09:08 as those who, yes, are the victims,
09:10 but unfortunately, there could be some sort of
09:12 perpetrators in different ways
09:14 and might not even totally view themselves in that way.
09:17 So for instance, if maybe you don't mind sharing the...
09:20 maybe the age difference between, you know,
09:22 you and the individual, and then also a way
09:24 to get some folks to understand that, you know,
09:27 sometimes the things that are innocent
09:30 or they seem so innocent, you know,
09:32 and some maybe the words we talked about,
09:33 flirting and stuff, before,
09:35 you know, that thing actually, even if it's not my intent
09:38 to be a certain way but just getting used
09:40 to saying inappropriate things and doing inappropriate things
09:45 even if it's not to that level yet,
09:47 maybe plants the seeds to eventually get there.
09:49 I hope that makes sense what I'm trying to figure out.
09:52 To answer your first question, we were not too far in age.
09:56 I'll say it like that, weren't so far in age,
09:58 it wasn't drastic.
09:59 He wasn't my father's age or any of that sort.
10:03 Your second question, people do need to be aware
10:08 that it can start off very innocent,
10:11 and that's the whole point of it.
10:13 In my case, it started off innocent,
10:15 it started off very playful.
10:17 As a matter of fact, I mentioned in our last episode
10:20 that I would giggle at times when he would talk to me
10:23 in suggestive ways and try to touch me
10:26 because it was like a mystery to me,
10:27 what was unfolding, what was going on.
10:30 I didn't know what was taking place.
10:31 And so, to me, it was a sense of an adventure,
10:36 and it wasn't until later
10:38 when I actually was abused by him
10:41 in a sense where he forced himself upon me
10:44 did I take it into full perspective
10:45 and I said, "No, this was wrong,
10:47 all of it from the beginning."
10:49 Although something within me when he was actually
10:51 fondling me said that there was something wrong with this,
10:53 it didn't register because it just didn't.
10:56 I was young, it just didn't register,
10:59 so for individuals who are watching this right now
11:01 and may be in a similar situation
11:04 where someone may not have forced themselves on you,
11:06 realize it already that if the person is fondling you
11:09 and talking to you in suggestive ways
11:12 is taking them somewhere, is taking you somewhere.
11:15 And there's an end to that
11:17 that you don't want to experience.
11:19 You know, I want to kind of throw this out there to,
11:21 you know, everybody, having said that,
11:23 if I'm a young man, and obviously we know it
11:25 could go the other way with, you know, a woman,
11:27 and I really don't have that intention in my mind
11:32 of eventually trying to force myself.
11:33 Do you think the more that we're inappropriate
11:37 even with what we say
11:39 and knowing someone's uncomfortable
11:41 but we're still saying it,
11:42 and even if we're not saying like the cuss words
11:44 to the individuals but just that idea of just
11:47 you're not comfortable with something,
11:49 I keep doing it, does that bring something
11:52 out as it draws closer?
11:53 I wonder what...
11:55 'Cause I think there are some cases
11:56 when they're doing that, you know.
11:57 Yeah, it's a general lack of respect
11:59 for somebody else, and it may be manifested
12:02 in a small way where it's just...
12:07 I guess nothing is really insignificant
12:09 but it hasn't escalated to forcing upon them
12:13 physically upon oneself yet, but all that,
12:16 it's the same principle, it's the same root.
12:19 And the root is a general lack of respect for somebody else.
12:23 And eventually, if you don't curtail that,
12:27 as we can see here, it can eventually manifest itself
12:30 into something even more serious
12:32 than just words but actual physical actions.
12:36 In my church right now, one of the major things
12:39 we're dealing with in our youth ministry area
12:42 are games, sexual games that are happening
12:46 especially at the middle school,
12:47 high school level.
12:49 I don't know if you guys are hip
12:50 to the current fad out there,
12:52 but it's different wrist rubber band colors,
12:56 so you may see someone walking around
12:58 with a whole lot of different rubber band bracelet
13:01 type of things and they're different colors.
13:03 But if someone takes a certain color off your arm,
13:06 that color represents a sexual act.
13:09 So if I see purple on you, now purple represents oral sex,
13:14 if I somehow get the purple off your wrist,
13:17 then you have to perform oral sex on me.
13:19 So that's an example of one of the games
13:21 that are out there that it's playful
13:24 but it has a force element.
13:26 "I got your rubber band,
13:27 now you have to give this for me."
13:29 So the games thing is something that's really hurting
13:31 a lot of our youth.
13:33 Yeah, just a quick question on that point.
13:35 Are there situations where young people are literally...
13:38 there maybe a group of guys forcing someone down
13:43 and taking the rubber bands off?
13:44 I mean, is that something that's manifested at all?
13:47 I know...
13:49 The only one that I've heard of is just two guys
13:52 who thought it was funny.
13:53 One guy holds the girl and then she's like,
13:55 "Oh, stop, stop, stop!"
13:56 You know, kicking and everything,
13:58 acting as if she's really trying to fight them off.
14:00 One takes off the rubber band, you know,
14:02 and there may be negotiations to where,
14:04 "No, you can't take that one, you can't take the green one.
14:07 I'll let you have the red one."
14:08 So the green one may represent going up your blouse
14:11 whereas the red one just represents
14:13 a peck on the cheek.
14:14 So they'll let them have the red one
14:16 because I'm comfortable with doing that.
14:18 So it's almost like taking this abuse environment
14:21 and turning it into a friendly game
14:24 that I believe does plant seeds
14:27 for especially young men who are having fun
14:31 kind of forcing these girls to do things in jest.
14:34 The message that it sends after, that's serious.
14:36 Eventually gets out of control, and that's exactly
14:39 where I believe in the spiritual warfare
14:42 where the devil wants us where we think
14:43 it's something playful, fun, and then you're out of control
14:47 because he takes full control of the situation.
14:50 And I believe when I think about my offender,
14:52 I don't think he meant to that day, maybe he did,
14:56 but in my mind I say to myself, "He went out of control,"
15:01 and I think at some point, he felt like he had
15:03 some sort of control over the situation
15:05 where he stopped at a certain point
15:06 but he lost it, he told he lost it
15:08 and he pushed himself on me
15:10 because when someone's pushing themselves on you
15:12 when you say no,
15:13 they don't have control over themselves.
15:15 If they did and they were in their right mind,
15:17 they would say, "Oh, my goodness,
15:18 let me snap out of this.
15:21 You know, what am I doing?"
15:22 But they were losing control of themselves.
15:24 And so we have to realize
15:25 that something that seems so innocent
15:28 can lead you to a full-fledged perpetrator, offender
15:31 where you have no control of yourself, and so...
15:34 Which has serious repercussions, you know.
15:36 And I know that seems harsh,
15:38 but I think it's really important for, you know,
15:40 everyone at home to know that sin usually doesn't start out,
15:44 you know, let's just use the Garden of Eden,
15:46 it doesn't start out with you
15:48 taking the fruit to your husband,
15:50 it starts out with a very simple conversation.
15:53 And then before you know it, you know, it leads to that.
15:55 And that's why these small things,
15:57 they're not small.
15:59 I mean, nothing is small.
16:00 A perfect example of that I think, you know,
16:02 who was the serial rapist that was convicted,
16:05 was it Jeffrey Dahmer or...
16:07 He raped and ate people.
16:08 Yeah. Right, right.
16:10 Serious rapist, I mean, he was off the charts.
16:11 Like Ted Bundy.
16:13 Ted Bundy, that's what I'm talking about, Ted Bundy.
16:14 You know, I did a study on him and it really showed that
16:17 he started off with just, you know, soft porn.
16:21 You know, he did start off raping and eating people
16:24 and just going, you know, down that road.
16:26 It started off with pornography and eventually
16:28 pornography progressed and progressed to the point
16:30 where now nothing really satisfied him,
16:32 he needed something more, something more exhilarating.
16:35 And so it just goes to show that it always starts off small
16:39 and then slowly progresses.
16:40 You know, there's a quote that Ellen White has
16:43 in Patriarchs and Prophets, when remember
16:45 Caleb had then come back from...
16:47 Joshua and Caleb come back and they give the good report
16:50 and then the children of Israel want to stone them.
16:53 And I love what one of the quotes where she says
16:56 at the bottom of the page in that chapter,
16:57 one of those pages will be different depending on
16:59 which one you're reading, she says,
17:01 "When men yield their hearts to unbelief,
17:03 they yield themselves under the control of Satan
17:06 and there's no telling to what ends
17:07 he would lead them."
17:09 And it's just amazing to think that, you know,
17:12 we really don't know completely what we're capable of,
17:15 so even that small thing where you lend yourself
17:18 to something that's unlike Christ,
17:20 if it's unlike Christ, it is like somebody else.
17:22 And when he gets a hold... That's it. You're never...
17:25 Yeah, that's what I'm telling, we're out of control.
17:27 And we're out of control because...
17:29 When I say out of control, yeah,
17:31 'cause we're under control.
17:32 We're actually are under control,
17:33 but we're under control of somebody else.
17:35 You know, Sabrina, you said something
17:37 that I kind of want to go back to.
17:38 You said that some people, they blame God,
17:42 and as a result, they seek for answers outside of God.
17:45 But you really advocated that.
17:47 Yeah, you can be upset with God but seek your answers from God.
17:50 Can you just say a little more about that?
17:52 I think that's so very important.
17:53 Absolutely.
17:54 The source of all life, health, healing, restoration is God.
18:01 As a counselor, I still advocate God,
18:04 although I know that counseling is very vital
18:06 to helping someone throughout that process.
18:08 Professional counseling.
18:09 Professional counseling, absolutely.
18:11 But your first step,
18:13 if you really want healing and wholeness
18:15 would ideally, ideally,
18:17 of course, there are other ways of doing
18:18 and then God brings you back to Him,
18:20 would ideally be God.
18:21 And what I find is that a lot of people,
18:23 they find answers to their healing
18:26 outside of God, and so it almost becomes
18:28 a patchy work that's done.
18:31 And so I found that God allowed a complete work
18:34 to be done in my life although there's still memories there
18:37 but He allowed a complete work to be done
18:39 because He began it and He's perfecting it now
18:42 and He's completing it.
18:43 In your situation specifically, you said, you know,
18:46 God will be glorified, you know,
18:48 all things work together for good, for God's glory,
18:51 what does God being glorified, in this situation
18:55 that happened when you were 12, look like?
18:57 Good question.
18:59 What does God being glorified look like?
19:00 'Cause someone can say, you know,
19:01 "How could God get glory from this?
19:03 I was raped by, you know, my brother or my father
19:05 or my mother whomever, my aunt, she molested me,
19:08 so, you know, I don't see
19:10 how God can get glory from this."
19:12 You know, I actually have thought about that before.
19:15 Now that you ask, several years ago
19:18 when I was at Oakwood University,
19:20 I thought to myself
19:22 when I was ashamed of what had happened to me
19:24 and I was secretive about it
19:26 and my close girlfriends didn't know about it.
19:28 I said, "God, I believe that You have a ministry for me,
19:31 but how in the world can You use this?"
19:34 I mean, this just seems like you just keep it under wraps
19:37 and you just go about your business,
19:39 and then God really began to work on my heart
19:41 and showed me that this was...
19:43 I know that this was inflicted to me by the enemy
19:46 but God is going to use it not only to bring me
19:48 spiritual wholeness and healing
19:50 but to help others to get up out of that situation as well
19:53 or to help prevent those situations
19:55 from taking place for others.
19:56 And so, for me, that whole idea of helping others with my story
20:02 is how I see God getting the most glory out of it.
20:07 I'm sorry, I just think that...
20:09 I just was want to make sure we underline the fact
20:11 just to make sure it's clear.
20:12 Yeah, I think so. Just as far as, you know...
20:14 Just answering the question about God never intended
20:17 for any of these things to happen.
20:19 You know, and I think that it's easy for any of us to...
20:23 It's easy to blame God. Sin was...
20:26 I mean, we're getting theological here,
20:27 but sin was the choice of humanity,
20:30 and what God does is, in these terrible,
20:34 awful situations that we have chosen,
20:37 He somehow, someway takes those situations
20:41 and actually turns them around for our benefit
20:44 and for our good.
20:45 And so I just want to underline the fact for those
20:47 that may have experienced these very tragic things
20:50 that it was never God's intention
20:52 for these things to happen,
20:53 that the only reason why they were allowed
20:55 is because it's really the choice of humanity.
20:58 But what the awesome thing about God is that
20:59 He always somehow finds a way in His calculus to work
21:04 just the most horrific, terrible situations out
21:07 and use them for your benefit.
21:09 And that kind of confounds the enemy
21:11 because he's trying to destroy you,
21:13 but God uses it and it actually becomes a blessing.
21:15 And I think the text that speaks very much
21:18 to that story, Joseph with his brothers,
21:19 he looks at them, he says, "You meant it for evil.
21:21 You literally meant this for evil."
21:23 But, you know, God's going to make this for good.
21:26 And I actually like the Hebrew word there
21:28 'cause when you say meant, it's like, oh, well,
21:30 God meant that, but the Hebrew actually means He weaved it.
21:33 So it means you were meaning it
21:35 to be this way, but then He took it
21:37 and just made a completely different,
21:38 you know, pattern out of that.
21:40 The major key is, what Sabrina said earlier
21:42 about finding your answers in God,
21:46 when we think of how the whole sin issue happened,
21:49 the serpent was able to get Eve to start asking questions,
21:54 what would the story be like if it said
21:57 and she walked from the tree and went to God
22:00 and asked Him about it.
22:01 I think the whole story...
22:03 As opposed to asking the serpent.
22:04 Instead of trying to figure it out within herself,
22:08 figure it out with the serpent's help.
22:10 No, if she had just stopped and said,
22:12 "Well, I'm going to ask God about what you're saying."
22:14 And try to go to God. Right.
22:16 I think the whole Genesis story changes from that point
22:20 because God gets to speak for Himself.
22:22 Sadly, she doesn't.
22:24 And her trying to resolve it within herself
22:26 now she ends up hurting her loved one.
22:28 Bible says she takes the fruit to Adam, you know,
22:31 and we have counseled, we have talked,
22:34 we have heard and read about stories of people
22:36 trying to find answers to God questions,
22:40 questions that God can answer.
22:41 And in that journey, you just end up hurting people.
22:43 Yeah, that's a good point.
22:45 And I think that if we as in the ministry and counseling
22:50 that if we're going to believe in a theology where although
22:53 the devil is strong but God is stronger,
22:56 then we have to believe in the resiliency of man.
22:59 And resiliency means no matter what comes your way,
23:02 you can still come up out of that
23:04 with the help of God.
23:05 And in counseling, I always tell people,
23:08 "You know what, you can do this,
23:10 you can work this out," but sometimes
23:11 the self-determination and when you flip that now,
23:14 when you put God as the center of it
23:16 and God as the sole person responsible
23:19 for helping you and to bring you back to healing,
23:21 there's nothing that's impossible with God.
23:24 And so God can 100% bring you back
23:28 or take you to a place where you weren't before.
23:31 Going back to the story of Lazarus,
23:33 I love how when Lazarus came up out of the grave,
23:35 one of my favorite authors Ellen White,
23:37 she discusses how he came out with a countenance
23:39 that they had never seen on his face before.
23:42 So Lazarus's life almost seemed better
23:44 after death through Christ.
23:47 It was more whole, more beautiful
23:50 after death through Christ.
23:51 So it's like God can give you a life
23:54 that is even more abundant if you go through Him
23:57 and allow Him to do work through you.
23:59 And so I would like to say
24:01 for those who have been victimized sexually,
24:03 this is not the end,
24:05 that was not the end of your story
24:06 and don't allow that to mark you
24:08 for the rest of your life.
24:09 Your sickness, your molestation,
24:12 your rape was not unto death
24:13 but for the purpose of God receiving the most glory.
24:16 Allow Him to do that and He's able to.
24:19 You know, let me ask this then, you know,
24:20 and I think this goes for everybody
24:22 'cause I love the answers that we're saying, you know,
24:24 going to God, giving it to God, somebody here is watching,
24:28 they've been in abusive situation,
24:31 what does that mean?
24:32 What is giving it God?
24:33 Is it reading my Bible more? Is it praying?
24:35 Is it attending more Sabbath school
24:37 or how does that happen?
24:39 What does it mean?
24:41 I'm going to add on to your question.
24:42 And I want to say what does that mean
24:44 for the 13-year-old?
24:46 I mean, that's major.
24:48 I do have a young lady in my congregation
24:51 who had a brother forced himself on her,
24:54 her own brother.
24:56 So when we say God is wanting to mean it for His glory,
25:00 she could interpret it as saying, "Oh, God's selfish,
25:04 so He allowed my brother to force himself on me
25:06 because He wants to get more props."
25:08 You know, she could really take that thing
25:11 and turn it on God, so what would be that response?
25:14 I think that when you talk about God
25:16 getting glory though, I think that
25:18 it's not in the sense that He did it to get glory.
25:22 I think that He gets glory in the fact that
25:26 in spite of what was allowed, what the devil tried to do...
25:30 You'll still shine.
25:31 He will turn it around where He was trying
25:34 to take a deathblow at you, and now, "Ha-ha-ha,
25:37 what you were trying to do to weaken this person,
25:40 I've now taken and allowed it to be their strength."
25:42 So practically, real quick, what does it look like?
25:46 For the 13-year-old, for a child,
25:48 even for a young adult who does not feel strong enough
25:52 to go to God independently by themselves,
25:55 of course, find someone who's a spiritual counselor,
25:59 who can nurse you back to God, to the place where you feel
26:03 strong enough to stand on your own two feet.
26:06 In my experience, I remember being baptized
26:10 and I did spend a lot of time in prayer to God.
26:12 And I see that God used my story or He allowed me
26:15 to have that process so that I can be strong enough
26:18 to share at some point, but I remember
26:20 spending a lot of time in prayer with God,
26:21 but I had to let someone know as well.
26:24 And in letting my mom know and letting my dad know,
26:26 I knew that they were behind me and had my back,
26:29 and so I had spiritual parents and my actual parents
26:34 who stood as spiritual parents for me to kind of speak to
26:37 about the situation.
26:38 So have someone to talk to.
26:40 Does that kind of answer what you're looking for?
26:42 I think a little bit,
26:44 I guess I wanted to even really dig further, you know,
26:47 is there, you know, like a Bible study,
26:49 do I get a Christian support group?
26:51 I mean, I just want that person watching to say,
26:53 "I go to God like this."
26:54 Well, I mean, what do you think?
26:56 I mean, we're running out of time, so I mean,
26:57 what would you say would be that...
27:00 Yeah, you know, I think one of things
27:02 I probably would say
27:03 is a combination of maybe all four, you know,
27:04 you need to spend time in prayer,
27:06 that doesn't necessarily mean on your knees,
27:07 it could mean yelling at God in anger.
27:09 You know, but at least you're in communication with Him.
27:12 I think it is you might not know what to read,
27:14 but, man, open up the scriptures
27:15 and you'll get to the gospels and maybe find yourself
27:19 in a youth group with other people to support
27:21 but something real practical so that you're plugged
27:24 into God the way because it seems like
27:26 very clear we believe that that really has made the difference,
27:28 so let's see how to get right into that.
27:30 You know, unfortunately, we're out of time.
27:32 As I, you know, just perceived
27:34 with your question and your answer
27:36 you know, I would say to those who are watching
27:37 that it's all about making a choice,
27:39 you know, that "The devil has brought this upon me,
27:42 he meant it for evil,
27:43 but I refuse to be a victim of this.
27:44 I'm going to let God get glory.
27:46 And I don't know how God is going to work it out,
27:48 but I'm going to trust You, I'm going to call on You,
27:49 I'm going to cry out to You, I'm going to depend on You
27:52 that You're going to work this thing out
27:53 for my good and for Your glory."
27:55 So if you've been in this situation,
27:57 our prayers are with you.
27:58 We want to visit with you on Facebook,
27:59 please come by and see us.
28:01 Go to Facebook, Pure Choices, shoot us your questions,
28:03 your comments, your feedback.
28:05 We would love to hear from you, and we'll be able to dialogue.
28:07 Come back and see us next week,
28:09 we'll be diving into another hot
28:10 but yet very serious topic.
28:12 See you then.
28:15 Yeah, that's a good question and I'm...


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Revised 2018-02-14