Participants: Pr. Royce Odiyar
Series Code: OTR
Program Code: OTR000885
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01:00 The title of today's message is, Becoming a Man.
01:05 Great responsibility, great reflection 01:10 and when I titled this message 01:13 I had to think to myself, well I know 01:15 I'm talking about great responsibility. 01:18 So then it would make sense that, 01:20 that if the responsibility is great, 01:22 that the reflection would be at least great. 01:26 You know, we'd at least have to place some emphasis 01:28 on the fact that we need to reflect 01:31 and really think about the great responsibility 01:36 it is to be a man. 01:38 And so becoming a man describes the process. 01:41 It's a process of becoming, 01:43 of coming into an experience that 01:46 we have not previously had. 01:49 You know I'm 25 years old 01:51 and right now I'm seriously dating a girl 01:55 and I'm in the middle of this battle of just trying 02:00 to understand what the Lord's expectation 02:02 is on my life as a future husband. 02:07 And so today, we're gonna be talking 02:08 about that responsibility 02:10 and we're gonna to be reflecting on three areas. 02:14 Three questions that each of us 02:16 as young men need to ask. 02:19 Each of us as single people contemplating marriage 02:23 need to ask and we're gonna reflect on these. 02:25 So today's message is not going to about 02:27 how to chose a wife it's going to be more about 02:31 how to accept the responsibility 02:33 of being a husband. 02:35 And my firm conviction is that 02:40 in order to become the man that 02:41 God wants us to be, 02:43 we're gonna have to accept among others. 02:46 But definitely we're gonna have to accept 02:48 these three areas of responsibility. 02:52 And I believe that only real men can become real husbands. 02:57 You know can be any old husbands 02:59 and there's lots of them in the world today. 03:01 That you know are contributing 03:04 to a dysfunctional marriage and a dysfunctional family. 03:08 But that's not the type of man we want to be. 03:09 Amen. 03:11 We want to be the type of men that 03:13 God will use to just turn our family 03:18 into a light on a hill, as the scriptures say, amen. 03:21 We want the people to see the love of Jesus 03:24 radiating out of our families. 03:26 And so if that's going to be happen 03:28 we're gonna have to be real men of God. 03:30 And we're gonna have to accept that responsibility 03:33 that God is calling us into. 03:37 Let's turn in our Bibles 03:38 to Ephesians Chapter 5 and verse 1. 03:44 Ephesians Chapter 5, it's in the New Testament. 03:47 Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, 03:48 Romans, First Corinthians, 03:51 Second Corinthians, Colossians, Ephesians. 03:55 So it's right there near 03:56 the beginning of the New Testament. 04:06 Ephesians Chapter 5 and verse 1, 04:08 The Bible says "Be imitators of God." 04:13 That's very interesting. "Be imitators of God." 04:16 Let's continue to read, 04:18 "Therefore, as dearly loved children 04:19 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us 04:24 and gave himself up for us 04:28 as a fragrant offering and a sacrifice to God." 04:35 The imitators of God, as I read that part 04:37 I had to ask myself the question, 04:38 in what way should I imitate God. 04:41 Should I imitate God in His power? 04:44 In His knowledge? 04:46 Should I imitate God in His creative ability? 04:49 Just how is it that I should imitate God. 04:53 Who here says that I should imitate God in His power. 04:57 What about imitating God in His full knowledge. 05:02 What about in His creative ability? 05:04 Am I suppose to be like God 05:05 and be able to create universes. 05:07 Of course not, these are not the areas, 05:09 so the area that I must imitate God would have 05:14 to be in some action related to a relationship with others. 05:21 In other words, I think 05:23 we need to imitate God in character. 05:27 Does that make sense? 05:29 We need to imitate God in His character of love 05:32 and kindness and His character of patience. 05:36 It's in these areas where we need to imitate God. 05:40 But specifically this verse goes on to say, 05:42 "And live a life of love." 05:43 So in this passage more specifically 05:47 than any general imitation of the character of God, 05:51 we'd have to recognize that 05:53 we need to be imitating God 05:55 in the way that he is loved. 05:59 In the way that He is loved. 06:01 So according to this passage 06:03 in what way was God love. 06:08 In what way was God love according to this passage. 06:13 He gave up His life, amen. 06:16 He gave up His life for us, amen. 06:20 He willingly gave up His life 06:24 so that we could be saved. 06:27 Without Him giving up His life, 06:29 and I'm going to try to come to back 06:30 to this later notice this carefully, 06:32 without Him giving up His life, 06:35 we could not be saved. 06:38 It was essential that 06:39 He make the decision to give up His life, 06:44 so that we could be saved, amen. 06:47 Is there any other way? 06:50 There's no other way. 06:53 Christ had to give up His life 06:55 so that we could be saved. 06:56 And it's in this manner that we are to imitate Him. 07:00 Well, in one context, 07:02 verse 22 tells us in one context we're to imitate this. 07:07 Verse 22 Chapter 5 of Ephesians, "Wives submit." 07:13 Actually I want to skip down to verse 25. 07:16 Ephesians 5, verse 25, 07:19 "Husbands, love your wives, 07:21 just as Christ loved the church 07:24 and gave himself up for her." Okay. 07:27 There we see it. 07:30 Ephesians Chapter 5 is applying this love that 07:36 we are to imitate God. 07:39 He's applying this to the marriage relationship. 07:44 So first we saw, we're suppose to be 07:45 imitators of God, in what way? 07:47 Well in character, yes, 07:48 but specifically the aspect in reference to love. 07:51 But now specifically, more specifically 07:54 I should say, we're to love our wives. 07:57 Now most of us or at least a portion of us 08:00 in this room don't have wives. 08:03 So, what we need to be thinking as young men 08:06 who are not yet married and that's, 08:08 I'm in that boat as well. 08:11 Our future wives, we need to love 08:14 with that type of love that Christ had. 08:18 And that type of love was 08:19 where He gave up His life 08:22 so that we could be saved. 08:25 So to me then it stands to reason that 08:28 we need to be willing to give up our lives 08:30 as future husbands 08:31 and for those who are married, 08:33 you need to be willing to give up your lives 08:36 so that your wife can be saved. 08:40 Does that make sense. 08:42 Let's unpack it a little bit more. 08:44 Think about this. 08:46 When Christ died on the Christ, 08:53 He died not so that 08:57 He would just take our place in a sense. 09:00 Like -- okay, let me explain -- 09:02 instead of going there I'm going 09:04 to explain to you this way. 09:06 That passage there that 09:07 we just read from Ephesians Chapter 5 says, 09:08 "That Christ give up His life." 09:09 Okay, so we're called to give up our life. 09:11 So if you'd use the illustration of 09:12 the President of the United States, 09:14 and to say that he's got a set of bodyguards 09:17 who are willing to give up 09:18 their lives for the President. 09:23 That is one way in which 09:24 we can give up our lives, physically speaking, 09:25 that's the language I was looking for. 09:27 We can think to ourselves that, 09:30 oh yeah, the Bible is telling us that 09:32 we need to physically give up our lives 09:33 for our wives or our future wife. 09:38 We could think that that's what the Bible is saying. 09:40 But would that make any sense that 09:41 Christ gave up His life physically? 09:44 No, no, no, no, no, Christ was willing 09:46 to give up His life spiritually. 09:49 He was willing to give up His eternal reward, 09:52 His eternal life in order to that we would be saved. 09:58 The Bible makes it clear to us, 09:59 and Spirit of Prophecy makes it even more clear to us, 10:02 that Christ died the second death. 10:05 And that He did not think 10:06 He was going to come back from that. 10:09 When it says in Ephesians Chapter 5, 10:12 that Christ gave up His life. 10:15 It's referring to the fact that 10:16 He was willing to sacrifice His eternal life, 10:20 so that we could be saved 10:21 and if this is the manner in which we're to love our wives 10:24 and for those of us who are not married, 10:26 to love our future wife, 10:28 then we've to recognize the principle here. 10:33 We have to recognize the principle here, 10:36 that the responsibility of the Christian husband 10:40 to his wife to be willing to give up His life spiritually. 10:48 Do whatever it takes to ensure that his wife is saved. 10:52 And we're gonna unpack this a little bit more. 10:56 But question number one that we dealt with now is, 10:59 would you give up your life. 11:01 And so as your contemplating, 11:04 as you're contemplating marriage 11:06 and for those of you who are already married, 11:10 the question needs to be each and every day. 11:12 Would I give up my life? 11:15 Would I really be really willing? 11:18 Or am I so selfish there that 11:19 for some reason I'm not gonna do 11:21 whatever it takes to see that my wife is in heaven. 11:25 Question number 1 is would you give up your life 11:28 let I wanna read to you some spirit of prophecy quotations. 11:32 Ellen White says, in Adventist Home, page 117. 11:36 Let every husband and father study 11:41 and understand the words of Christ, 11:43 not in a one-sided manner, merely dwelling upon 11:46 the subjection of the wife to her husband, 11:48 but in the light of the cross of Calvary, 11:51 study as to his own position in the family circle." 11:56 And then she quotes to the passage that 11:57 we are just studying, "Husbands, love your wives, 12:01 even as Christ also loved the church, 12:03 and gave Himself for it, that He himself, 12:07 that He might sanctify and cleanse it 12:09 with the washing of water by the word. 12:13 Jesus gave Himself up to die on the cross in order that 12:18 He might cleanse us and keep us from all sin 12:22 and pollution by the influence of the Holy Spirit." 12:27 There we see it, Ellen White is saying that 12:29 same thing that we just we saw in scripture, 12:32 the same thing that we just logically reasoned through. 12:36 Is that we need to be willing like 12:41 Christ is willing to give up our lives. 12:45 He was willing to give up His life, His eternal life. 12:48 So that we could be saved 12:50 and we need to be willing to give up our eternal lives, 12:53 so our wives could be saved. 12:55 Now, you might be just thinking for a moment like, 12:57 okay, Roy, it's like, how is that even possible? 13:00 Like if I can't buy salvation for someone 13:03 or I can't just pass my faith on to somebody. 13:06 How is it even possible for me to give up my eternal life, 13:11 so that my wife or someone else to be saved? 13:15 And the answer is simple, the Bible writers okay, 13:20 and Paul is not the only one who uses this language. 13:22 For the Bible writers were trying to give 13:26 the most intense example or intense appeal to us. 13:35 To demonstrate that it's gonna take everything, 13:39 it's gonna take everything. 13:41 Moses said to God when He was talking with God 13:44 in Exodus 33, 32:32 that 13:49 "He wishes if the children of Israel did not repent that 13:52 His name would be blotted out of the Book of Life 13:54 so that they could be saved." 13:57 Well, it wasn't really possible for Moses to do that. 13:59 But that's how much he loved the children of Israel. 14:01 That's how much he longed for them 14:02 to be in the kingdom. 14:06 And as men preparing to accept 14:09 the responsibility of being a husband, 14:12 we need to have that same intensity, 14:17 we need to have that same love, 14:20 intensity of love for our future wife. 14:25 Paul said in, Romans 9, 3. He said, 14:28 "I wish that I could be accursed, 14:29 cutoff from Christ in order that 14:32 my brethren would be saved." 14:35 Now, a point that I must make of this, 14:38 at this point in the sermon is that 14:41 we cannot have that type of love by ourselves. 14:45 Like that type of love that Christ had, 14:47 like we're not going to get that by just deciding. 14:50 Okay, I'm just going to have that much love like, 14:53 there's gotta be a way for me to love my future, 14:57 you know, spouse that way. 15:00 You figure it out and you try, no, no, no, no, no. 15:03 There's no amount of work there you can do 15:04 the only thing is you can give your life 15:06 to the Lord every single day and ask Him 15:07 to give you that love for your wife. 15:12 And for your future wives. 15:17 And so that's important that has to come home, 15:19 we can't just muster up that type of courage. 15:21 We can't just muster up that kind of love 15:23 because as selfish human beings, 15:25 we don't have that kind of love it's just not in us. 15:30 But through the power of God, it can be. 15:34 Another quote from Adventist Home, 15:38 page 117 paragraph 2, Ellen White says, 15:43 "Husbands should study the pattern and seek to know 15:48 what is meant by the symbol presented in Ephesians, 15:52 the relation Christ sustains to the church. 15:55 The husband is to be as a Savior in his family." 16:00 There you see it in such like black white terms. 16:04 The husband is to be as a savior to His family. 16:08 So let me ask you this question. 16:11 If you should get to your eternity 16:14 and your wife is not there, 16:16 that means you were not a very good savior. 16:21 Ezekiel Chapter 33 makes it very clear. 16:24 That those who are the watchmen, 16:26 those who accept the responsibility of warning. 16:30 If they don't do their job of warning properly, 16:34 the blood is on their shoulders. 16:36 And I would submit the same thing, 16:39 that if we who accept the responsibility 16:44 of being husbands. 16:48 If we don't do everything to ensure. 16:50 Now we can't ultimately make the decision for a wife. 16:52 But we can't do everything to ensure 16:55 that our wives are saved, then we have not been, 17:02 we have not been successful 17:04 in taking that representative role 17:06 if you will in a family of being a savior. 17:08 We've not been successful in that. 17:11 And the blood will be on our shoulders. 17:13 I'll continue reading the quote 17:14 picking it up there in the middle, 17:16 "Will he stand in his noble, God-given manhood," 17:20 who here wants to stand in that noble man, 17:24 God given manhood, amen. 17:27 I want to do that. 17:28 It's not going to come naturally, 17:29 it's going to be something you've to pray 17:32 and you're gonna have to trust that 17:33 the Lord will help you to become. 17:37 "Ever seeking to uplift his wife and children. 17:40 He will breathe above him a pure, sweet atmosphere. 17:45 Will he not as assiduously cultivate the love of Jesus, 17:51 making it an abiding principle in his home, 17:55 as he will assert his claims to authority?" 17:58 And so she's just finishing that up by saying, 18:00 you know, men naturally want to assert, 18:02 I'm the man of the house. 18:04 Really want to assert their authority. 18:06 We wanna assert our authority, 18:07 but she's saying, listen, if you are as willing to love 18:13 as you are to assert your authority 18:15 and is willing to be invested in saving your wife. 18:20 Winning your wife for the kingdom as you are 18:23 to assert your authority that's what you need. 18:26 Because it's natural for men 18:27 to want to be, to want to be in charge, 18:31 to want to be the heads or want to be. 18:33 And so she's saying, balance it out. 18:35 Make sure both are there. 18:36 It's not wrong to take the spiritual leader role, 18:40 it's not wrong to be the head of the household. 18:43 But not to the exclusion of loving like Christ love. 18:46 Amen. 18:50 Let's go to Genesis chapter 29, 18:52 and we're gonna look at our second question for today. 18:57 Genesis Chapter 29, the question is, 19:02 would you work seven years? 19:05 First question is, would you give your life? 19:10 Now the second question is, 19:11 would you work for seven years? 19:13 And I would suggest that 19:14 if you can't answer yes to number one 19:17 And if you can't answer yes to number two, 19:20 then you need to wait a little be longer 19:23 and become more of the spiritual man that 19:25 the Lord wants you to be before you're ready 19:26 to accept the responsibility of being a husband. 19:31 Being a true Christian husband, 19:34 would you wor seven years. 19:36 Genesis chapter 29 and we're going to start in verse 4. 19:42 We here see the story of Jacob, who leaves home. 19:47 He's headed towards Horan. 19:49 Where he's gonna find his Laban, his relative, 19:55 and He comes to the well. 19:58 And He comes to the well 20:01 and he's there talking among the shepherds 20:02 and Jacob asks the shepherds in verse 4, 20:05 Genesis Chapter 29 verse 4, 20:07 "my brothers, where are you from? 20:10 We're from Horan, they replied, 20:12 he said to them, do you know Laban, Nahor's grandson. 20:17 Yes, we know him they answered. 20:19 Then Jacob asked them, is he well? 20:21 Yes, he is, they said. 20:23 And here comes his daughter Rachel with the sheep." 20:28 Verse 9 while He was still talking with them, 20:31 Rachel came with her father's sheep 20:34 for she was a shepherdess. 20:37 Verse 10, when Jacob saw Rachel, daughter of Laban, 20:41 his mother's brother and Laban sheep 20:44 He went over and rolled the stone away 20:46 from the mouth of the well 20:48 and watered his uncle's sheep. 20:51 Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. 20:55 He had told Rachel that 20:57 He was a relative of her -- of her father 21:00 and a son of Rebecca. 21:02 And so she ran and told her father, 21:03 skipping down to verse 15, 21:05 Laban said to him, 21:07 just because you're a relative of mine, 21:08 should you work for me for nothing? 21:11 Tell me what your wages should be? 21:14 Now Laban had 2 daughters. 21:16 The name of the older is Leah 21:18 and the name of the younger was Rachel. 21:20 Leah had weak eyes. 21:23 But Rachel was lovely in form and beautiful. 21:26 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, 21:30 I'll work for you seven years in return 21:33 for your younger daughter Rachel. 21:35 Verse 19 Laban said, it is better that 21:37 I give her to you than to some other man, 21:41 stay here with me. 21:42 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel. 21:46 But they seemed like only a few days to him. 21:49 He loved, his love for, because of his love for her. 21:53 Powerful passages, lots of we can learn 21:55 from what is contained in this story. 22:00 But what we have to recognize is that Laban, 22:04 I mean Jacob didn't just work for seven years for fun. 22:10 He worked for 7 years for a specific purpose. 22:13 And if we understand the ancient tradition 22:18 of these people, we'll recognize that 22:20 it was tradition that the bridegroom, the person, 22:26 the husband who wanted the wife of a man, 22:32 if he wanted, or I guess I need to say that 22:34 probably, the man who wants someone's daughter. 22:41 A father's daughter, that person 22:43 would have to pay a dowry. 22:46 That dowry usually consisted of some sort of money, 22:49 whatever you know the way that 22:51 they traded but sort of money 22:53 and that dowry was there to represent 22:55 and to signify the fact that this man 22:58 could actually provide for his daughter. 23:03 The husband, I mean the father was concerned, 23:05 like I'm not just gonna give you know 23:07 my daughter to any man. 23:09 Like what if this guy is a bum. 23:10 You know, I need to know. 23:11 I need to ensure someway that 23:13 he is able to provide for the security of my daughter. 23:19 He had to know that. 23:21 But in this case, Jacob had nothing to give. 23:25 He was running away from home in essence. 23:28 And so there was a -- the provision made 23:31 in that culture that for those who could not pay, 23:34 those who did not have a dowry to give, 23:36 they could work the years off, 23:40 until they had earned the dowry. 23:43 So they could work until they prove themselves. 23:47 Listen to what Ellen G White says. 23:50 In Patriots and Prophets Ellen White says, 23:52 "Fathers did not think it safe to trust 23:56 the happiness of their daughters to men 23:58 who had not made provision for the support of a family." 24:04 That makes sense. 24:06 And I would suggest to any of us here, 24:10 that we need\ to be able to ensure 24:12 and to accept the responsibility 24:14 of providing for a wife and a future family. 24:17 We can't just decide, oh you know, 24:19 passion moved and I just wanted to get married 24:21 and you're, it's so much better 24:22 to have a wife than to not have a wife. 24:26 We need to be willing 24:28 to accept the responsibility of being a husband. 24:31 And that means providing for the security of your wife. 24:37 But it doesn't just mean financial security 24:39 because there are a lot of men out there 24:41 who are very able to provide 24:44 for the financial needs of their wives. 24:48 There are lots of men who are able to do that. 24:50 And likely many of us 24:51 in this room will be able to that. 24:54 To provide financially and to give financial security. 25:00 But Ellen White gives us an insight. 25:02 That it is not readily available 25:04 to see in the Bible text 25:05 and that insight is that he not only needed 25:07 to provide for her financial security. 25:10 But he needed to demonstrate that 25:11 he could provide for her holistic security, 25:15 meaning emotional security and just her goals, 25:19 her life dreams like helping her be who she was. 25:24 Helping her do what she enjoys. 25:26 He needed to be able to support her 25:28 in all ways of life. 25:30 Not just her always being submissive to him 25:33 and him not doing anything for her. 25:34 He needed to help her. 25:36 Be the helpmate and so that's what happened. 25:39 Let me read the quote to you. 25:41 This is still in Patriots and Prophets, 25:43 page 189, paragraph 1, 25:47 "When the suitor was required 25:49 to render service to secure his bride, 25:52 a hasty marriage was prevented." 25:56 That's a very interesting point she says that, 25:58 in order to prevent a hasty marriage 26:00 this dowry was required 26:01 and for those who didn't have the dowry, 26:04 they would have to provide service. 26:06 And it would be interesting to know that 26:08 in order to have had gotten dowry in past 26:11 they would had to work for that dowry. 26:13 So the dowry was as symbolic that 26:15 that this man was actually able to serve. 26:17 Was actually able to work, was actually able to provide 26:20 and here it says this prevented a hasty marriage. 26:22 There are so many young people today, 26:24 this happens frequently in academies 26:27 and still happens in college. 26:29 And definitely it happens in the world regardless of well, 26:33 I wouldn't say with regardless 26:34 but for those outside of Christianity 26:36 and even sometimes in Christianity. 26:38 Where people just want to, 26:40 they just want a life companion, 26:41 they just want someone. 26:43 So they can fulfill their pleasures, 26:45 their desires whatever their lusts happen to be. 26:50 And Ellen White makes it clear 26:51 that time of seven years prevented 26:55 any hasty decisions to be made. 26:57 And so we as young men have to ask ourselves the question. 27:01 Have we done everything to prepare 27:03 to accept the responsibility of being a husband? 27:06 Have we taken the time to demonstrate that 27:09 we'll be able to provide holistically, financially, 27:16 emotionally and in whatever other way, 27:19 standing by the side of your future wife, 27:24 helping her as she helps you. 27:27 Let me continue reading the quotation, 27:30 "And there was opportunity to test the depth 27:33 of his affections, as well as his ability 27:34 to provide for a family. 27:36 In our time many evils result 27:38 from pursuing an opposite course. 27:40 It is often the case that persons before marriage 27:43 have little opportunity to become acquainted 27:45 with each other's habits and disposition, 27:48 and, so far as everyday life is concerned. 27:53 They are virtually strangers 27:54 when they unite their interests at the altar. 27:58 Many find, too late, 28:00 that they are not adapted to each other, 28:03 and lifelong wretchedness is the result of their union. 28:08 Often the wife and children suffer 28:10 from the indolence and inefficiency 28:12 or the vicious habits of the husband and the father. 28:16 If the character of the suitor 28:17 had been tested before marriage, 28:20 according to the ancient custom, 28:22 great unhappiness might have been prevented." 28:25 And this is the point where I just want to say 28:28 and bring out what Ellen White said there. 28:30 And that is in fact that often times 28:34 people will marry without really being acquainted 28:36 with the disposition, with the personality. 28:40 I can tell you after having dated for nine months now. 28:45 And sometimes it probably takes longer than nine months 28:49 but in my nine months of having dated 28:52 the girl that I'm with now. 28:54 As we've been contemplating marriage. 28:56 I've been able to see a lot of her character. 28:58 I've been able to see a lot of her personality. 29:00 I've been able to ask myself the question, 29:02 can I live with these different things that 29:05 she does or doesn't do. 29:07 You know, it's so frequent we get raised 29:11 a certain way and so we do things a certain way. 29:15 But then there's this girl, she gets raised a certain way 29:16 and does things a certain way 29:18 and then you come together. 29:19 And you don't do them the same way, 29:21 and it causes friction 29:22 and it's usually for silly little things. 29:27 But then there's personality conflicts, 29:28 there's so many things that 29:31 we just have to account for 29:33 and time will help that. 29:36 It's important not to rush your courting, dating stage. 29:40 It's important to give enough time 29:43 so you can really know who's there, 29:47 who you're possibly planning 29:49 to link and unite your future with. 29:54 And I think it's such a powerful point that 29:57 needs to be made and that needs to be understood 29:59 is what are we willing to do. 30:01 And we're going to come back to this 30:02 and give some application. 30:04 What are we willing to do in order to ensure that 30:09 we are prepared to be married to someone. 30:15 Provide for them financially, provide for them emotionally. 30:19 Adjust ourselves to dispositions, what can we do. 30:23 And we're gonna answer that question in a little bit. 30:25 Because there are some very practical things 30:26 that I'm gonna suggest. 30:28 That will help us to see exactly 30:31 how we can become men. 30:35 Men of God. 30:36 Christian men who will become Christian husbands. 30:39 Our next point is a question, would you be a missionary. 30:46 Would you be a missionary? 30:49 Actually I wanna -- I'm gonna skip back 30:52 and I'm gonna read something that I forgot to read. 30:55 And that is, from Ministry of Healing, page 360, 31:02 "Study to advance the happiness of each other." 31:06 See it's a process of studying, 31:08 you can study by reading and you need to, 31:10 you need to read books on relationships, 31:11 you need to read books on what it means to be a man of God. 31:16 Study, but study the character of the person you're linking. 31:19 You're seeking to unite your life with. 31:21 Study, you know, their personality, 31:23 study what they're like. 31:25 Study, study, study, pray, pray, pray, 31:27 ask the Lord for eyes to see, 31:29 so that you'll know what you're dealing with. 31:32 "Study to advance the happiness of each other. 31:35 Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. 31:39 Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, 31:41 will be as it were the very beginning of love. 31:45 The warmth of true friendship, 31:47 the love that binds heart to heart, 31:49 is a foretaste of the joys of heaven. 31:53 " Powerful, that's what marriage is supposed to be. 31:56 But we're gonna have to take this time. 31:58 This seven years, it doesn't have 32:00 to be literally seven years. 32:01 But has to be whatever it takes for us as young men 32:05 to be prepared to accept this responsibility. 32:08 All right, question number three. 32:10 How do we prepare to be a missionary? 32:15 The reason I believe that so many children leave the church 32:21 is because there has not been effective training. 32:26 Come with me to Proverbs Chapter 22. 32:31 Proverbs Chapter 22 32:35 and the Bible says in verse 6, train. 32:40 Proverbs Chapter 22 and verse 6, 32:43 "Train a child in the way he should go, 32:46 and when he is old he will not turn from it." 32:51 Train, train a child and as I began to really break 32:58 this verse down and think about it, you know, 33:01 in clear terms that I had ever thought about it before. 33:04 I realized that 33:07 a child is a child for a certain amount of time. 33:11 So if that's true, then he's only, he or she, 33:13 that child of yours in the future is only a child 33:17 for a certain amount of time, that gives us 33:19 a certain amount of time to work with them and train them. 33:23 Someone once said that, that if you want to be a parent 33:28 you need to be willing to be a missionary for twenty years. 33:32 We had a brother here today 33:33 who went to an unreached people group 33:36 and usually when missionaries go to unreached people groups, 33:39 they go there for ten, twelve and more years. 33:43 They have to be a real missionary 33:45 who takes the time to really study, to really integrate, 33:48 to really learn, how to do? 33:52 How to spread the gospel, I should say, 33:55 in that unreached people group. 33:58 And what we have to recognize 33:59 as future husbands if we have families, 34:05 our child is unreached, and we need 34:09 to be a missionary to that child 34:10 and we need to study and we need to do 34:12 whatever it takes to be the trainer 34:15 and the missionary that, that child needs. 34:18 What's very, very interesting is that there is, 34:22 there is an additional rendering to this verse. 34:26 And I take it from the New Living translation, 34:28 where it reads, direct your children on to the right path 34:32 and when they are older, not just old but older. 34:37 They will not leave it. 34:41 Okay, and as I was studying the differences there, 34:44 it became apparent to me that 34:48 often we look at this passage, this portion of scripture, 34:51 this verse 6 of Proverb 22. 34:53 And we say to ourselves, and I'm sure 34:55 you've heard it communicated this way that 34:57 if your child should go from the faith 35:00 and stray from the faith, when they're old. 35:01 If you did the right job they'll comeback. 35:04 And that's fine, I don't mind that, 35:06 I don't mind that interpretation. 35:08 I believe that's an accurate interpretation, 35:10 but I think there's something a little bit deeper 35:12 and even more powerful. 35:14 And that's the fact that the reality is -- 35:18 when our children, when we have them are growing up, 35:24 they reach different points. 35:25 Where they're older, 35:27 they're older at sixteen and they get more freedoms. 35:29 And they're at 18 and and they get more freedoms, 35:31 when they're older at 20 and they get more freedoms. 35:35 They're older at 21 and they get more freedoms. 35:37 And the significance of this is when they're older 35:40 I believe this is with the Bibles really digging down 35:42 deep into and it's saying, when they're older, 35:44 when they're to that point 35:46 where you as mother, as father. 35:51 When you as mother can't make the decisions for them. 35:55 And so when you can't make those decision for them. 35:59 When they're older, when they're 16, 18, 20 and 21, 36:04 they'll not depart from what you've taught them 36:08 if you've properly taught them. 36:10 To me this is amazing to recognize 36:12 this verse in that way, 36:13 because why should we settle for anything less than that. 36:17 If we have committed our lives to these children 36:22 and I maybe even go back one step forward. 36:24 If we've made the decision, but one step backwards, 36:26 if we made the decision to bring life into the world. 36:28 We need to be committed to raising that 36:33 child properly and so if you're not 36:34 willing to be a missionary, then don't have kids, 36:38 then don't have kids. 36:39 But that's the problem, because your wife 36:41 or your future wife probably wants kids. 36:45 And so that's why 36:46 it's a very serious consideration 36:48 as a young person. 36:49 I know my girlfriend, you know, 36:50 if we got married, she wants kids 36:51 so I've had to sit there and think to myself, 36:55 am I going to take the time, 36:57 am I really gonna take the time 37:00 to invest in being a father, 37:04 in being a missionary for those twenty years. 37:06 Because once the twenty years are gone, 37:08 if I'm lucky to have had that many years. 37:10 When those are gone, then whatever happens happens. 37:16 I just have to sit back and pray that it all happens okay. 37:20 So I've got to use that time properly. 37:23 And I've had to ask myself the question. 37:26 Would I really be willing to be a missionary. 37:30 Let me read to you some powerful stuff 37:32 from the Spirit of Prophecy. 37:33 Ellen White says in Child Guidance. 37:36 Page 38, "To parents is committed the great work 37:41 of educating and training their children 37:44 for the future, immortal life. 37:46 Many fathers and mothers seem to think that 37:49 if they feed and clothe their little ones, 37:51 and educate them according to the standard of the world, 37:55 they have done their duty. 37:58 They are too much occupied with business or pleasure 38:01 to make the education of their children 38:04 the study f their lives." 38:07 See there it comes back to whole study thing. 38:09 If we're preparing to be Christian men 38:13 that'll become Christian husbands. 38:15 We need to study these things and understand 38:17 and decide whether we're willing 38:18 to really accept the responsibility. 38:22 Because it's a greater responsibility 38:23 than we could ever think. 38:26 You know and any married man can testify 38:28 to the fact that it's more than you bargain for. 38:31 Not in a bad way but it's just more, 38:34 it's more intense, it's harder. 38:36 You just think of Christ. 38:37 Christ was going through as He was going through that, 38:41 the greatest hour of trial for Him. 38:45 He had to cry out, Father, 38:47 if there is a way like this cup pass from me. 38:51 It's going to be harder than you think 38:53 and so what I'm trying to communicate 38:55 to each of us myself included. 38:57 Is that we're going to really think about being a husband, 39:01 a true Christian husband, then we need to think 39:04 and we need to study and we need to pray 39:06 and do as much as we can before. 39:08 So we're prepared for what comes afterwards, amen. 39:12 Let me continue reading this quotation, 39:15 "They are too much occupied." 39:17 I'm gonna backup there and read 39:18 that sentence because it's powerful there. 39:19 "Too much occupied with business or pleasure 39:21 to make the education of their children 39:23 the study of their lives." 39:24 Don't let anything come in the way 39:25 if you chose to have children. 39:27 Don't let anything come in the way 39:28 if you're properly educating your children, 39:31 because it's the most important thing." 39:33 They do not seek to train them, 39:36 so that they will employ their talents 39:38 for the honor of their Redeemer. 39:40 Solomon did not say, 39:42 tell a child in the way he should go, 39:44 and when he is old, he will not depart from it, 39:46 but, "train up a child in the way he should go, 39:50 and when he is old, he will not depart from it." 39:53 Powerful positive language, 39:54 it gives us a promise that 39:56 we can claim if we've done our part. 39:59 If we've done our part. 40:00 I'm gonna read the next one to you, 40:02 it comes from conflicting for courage 40:04 and it's in reference to the life of moses 40:08 and the fact that his mother jochebed 40:10 did a good job training him. 40:13 Listen to this powerful quotation, 40:15 conflict and encourage page 80, 40:18 "the lessons learned at his mother's side 40:21 could not be forgotten. 40:24 They were a shield from the pride, the infidelity, 40:28 and the vice that flourished amid 40:30 the splendor of the court." 40:32 She was successful and I suggest that 40:37 each and every one of us men in this room, 40:39 if we chose to really accept that responsibility 40:43 and hold true to it. 40:46 To the commitment we've made. 40:48 Then our children in the future 40:52 will have the same success and the same enjoyment 40:56 of staying close to Lord as moses did. 40:59 Sure he made mistakes, sure our kids will make mistakes, 41:02 but the fact is they'll stay very close 41:06 because we've done our job correctly. 41:10 Come listen to this next one, incredible. 41:14 this comes from counsels to parents, 41:16 teachers and students. 41:18 So that would include, i'm sure, all of us. 41:21 And that is "but in order for parents 41:24 to do this work of training, 41:27 they must themselves understand 41:29 the way the child should go." 41:32 Don't think you're gonna be able 41:33 to properly train your child unless you know the way. 41:39 "It is impossible for parents to give their children 41:42 proper training unless they first give themselves to God, 41:46 learning of the great teacher lessons 41:49 of obedience to his will." 41:51 Powerful, powerful, that is what is needed from us. 41:57 if we're going to be able to know 41:59 the way to teach them to go and to train them to go. 42:01 We're gonna need to know that way 42:02 and we're gonna need to walk that way ourselves, amen. 42:06 They'll follow our example if we're good example, 42:09 if we're bad example they'll follow bad example. 42:11 And you'll get to see what you were 42:13 if you're not sure what you are now. 42:16 So, would you be a missionary, 42:20 but now the question is, 42:22 how can we practically prepare for this type of thing? 42:27 How can we prepare, 42:29 and i'd to really sit down and think 42:30 because the reality is that 42:34 there is no point getting into something 42:38 that you're not ready for if there is a way 42:40 to prepare for it ahead of time, amen. 42:43 I mean, if you could, if you could go get training, 42:46 you know, to learn how to, 42:48 what's the random example, jump out of an airplane. 42:51 But you chose, well, 42:52 maybe i'm not gonna get the training, 42:53 i'll just learn it on the way. 42:55 Well that's not the smartest thing to do, right. 42:58 It's better to go get that training 43:00 and I think a very practical way 43:02 and i'm gonna work back now 43:03 through the sequence of each of these points. 43:05 I'm gonna work backwards and we're gonna see 43:07 how we can prepare to be a missionary. 43:11 We can prepare to be a missionary 43:13 in probably many ways, 43:14 but the way i'm gonna suggest this morning is that 43:20 we can prepare to be a missionary by going out 43:25 and studying the bible with someone. 43:28 You're like whoa, what do you mean by that? 43:30 Well, think about it this way. 43:31 A missionary actually does that 43:33 and if the christian father is called to be a missionary, 43:39 then it would make sense 43:41 that there's probably some things you can learn 43:43 as a missionary that you could learn in disciplining -- 43:46 you could learn in training your kids. 43:50 And I list off three areas, 43:52 i'm not gonna go through an exhaustive list. 43:54 But I believe that we, if we go out 43:57 and take time to be missionaries 43:59 not necessarily abroad but right here in michigan, 44:01 right here in North America. 44:04 Take time to be missionaries, to study the bible of people. 44:09 We can learn the following things. 44:10 we can learn to teach our children, 44:12 we can learn to discipline our children. 44:15 We can learn, you know, 44:17 what the importance of quality time is with our children. 44:21 I've been bible working for two years now. 44:23 and in taking that time to bible work, 44:25 I've seen that just like a child 44:30 Who doesn't know anything about the bible. 44:33 I need people who don't know anything about the bible. 44:36 and so you go into someone's home 44:37 and you're starting from scratch. 44:39 You've got to learn to teach and to instruct 44:43 and to guide and to mold and to train and to teach them. 44:47 And those are the same skills you're gonna need to do. 44:50 And you're gonna need to have with your children. 44:53 You know, I studied the bible with some people, 44:55 who are younger people and they, 44:57 you know, they're tensions are not as much. 44:59 And you're gonna have those same struggles with your kids. 45:03 I studied the bible with a lady, 45:05 I had taken over the study from a friend of mine 45:09 and this is no insult to him. 45:11 But he had been a very young bible worker, you know, 45:14 meaning that he'd been a new bible worker. 45:16 I guess it's the best way to put it. 45:17 And he had not yet learned exactly 45:20 how to keep people's attention. 45:22 And when I started studying, you know, 45:24 she said, wow, this is so much better, you know. 45:26 and i'm like, well, i'm teaching the same things 45:28 But it's how you do it. 45:30 It's how you do it. 45:31 There are methods that we can use to teach our kids 45:34 that will help us to be more effective 45:38 and you can learn those skills 45:39 in studying the bible with others. 45:44 You can learn to discipline 45:45 your children conceptually at least, 45:49 by studying the bible with people. 45:50 Because the reality is, 45:51 if we're going to be a good bible worker, 45:53 if we're going to be a good pastor 45:54 whose studying the bible with people, 45:55 if we're going to be a good church member. 45:57 So now those three categories should include 45:59 all of us in this room. 46:02 We're gonna to be a good church member 46:03 who actually takes time to not just teach 46:06 but help that person learn 46:08 how to implement these truths in their lives. 46:10 How to break away from those habits, 46:12 we're gonna need to hold them accountable, 46:14 we're gonna need to "in one manner or another discipline." 46:19 And explain to them, listen, 46:20 you just can't keep doing this, you know. 46:23 And explain to them why 46:24 and go through that process with them of what 46:27 you would do with a child, especially an older child. 46:30 You can't just, you can't just spank your kids forever. 46:32 you've got to eventually explain to them 46:34 hold them accountable and conceptually discipline them. 46:38 Help them understand 46:40 and these things can be learned 46:41 while studying the bible with people. 46:45 And then a very, very important thing 46:46 that can be learned, really, it goes both ways. 46:51 You can learn this as parent 46:53 and you can learn this, you know, 46:54 as a bible worker or as someone, 46:56 a church member going out and giving bible studies. 46:58 And that is the importance of spending quality time 47:01 with the people you're studying the bible with. 47:05 Too often we study the bible with someone. 47:09 and when we're studying the bible, 47:10 you know, we just want to impart 47:11 all this information to them, we leave the door 47:13 and we expect them to accept it. 47:14 You know on their own, but these people need friends 47:16 and if they're ever going to come to the Lord 47:18 and really love the Lord 47:19 and have the support of a church, 47:22 they're going to need you to be their friend. 47:25 Being a father means being a friend to your child 47:29 as well as disciplining your child 47:30 and as well as training your child. 47:33 All these things can be learned 47:36 from preparing yourselves as a missionary. 47:41 Very practical things, there's probably others 47:43 but this is one practical way to do it. 47:46 And I would suggest it for 2 fold. number one, 47:48 you can learn these lessons that you need to be a parent. 47:53 And number two, at least in the process 47:56 you'll win a soul for Jesus, amen. 47:59 You'll be able to enlarge the kingdom 48:01 and that's what we should all be about. 48:04 We should all be about enlarging the kingdom. 48:08 Now, going back to our second question, 48:14 how would you work seven years, the question is, 48:17 how do we work seven years. 48:19 And the reason that this question had to become 48:21 so clear to me is because I started to recognize, 48:25 going into the relationship that i'm in now. 48:28 I was very disillusioned with, 48:32 or I had this illusion I guess I should say, 48:34 or I don't even wanna -- illusion is a good word. 48:38 that illusion of grandeur, this big picture of all, 48:41 you know, I'm gonna find this girl. 48:42 Who's just gonna be the greatest support to me 48:44 and she's gonna just gonna prompt be up 48:46 to be this best man that I can be. 48:49 But the reality is, we need to do those same things 48:53 for the women that we're considering marrying. 48:54 We need to support them, we need to lift them up. 49:00 and so I had to really grapple with this question. 49:03 And as I grapple with it I saw the things that 49:05 I was teaching to you today about the fact that 49:07 we need to be prepared to provide security holistically, 49:11 financial security, emotional security. 49:13 We need to support their goals, their dreams, their vision. 49:15 think about it, jacob when he went to the well. 49:18 He went to the well and he saw rachel there, 49:20 who was a shepherdess, he helped her do her job. 49:24 Sometimes we'll have to these things, 49:25 so how can we actually practically prepare 49:28 to help in this manner to our future wives. 49:33 How can we actually do that? 49:35 Well some practical things. 49:38 I believe two of the most practical things 49:42 are going to be how you treat your sister 49:46 and how you treat your mother. 49:49 Okay. 49:51 Now, okay, I'll come to the third thing in a moment. 49:53 but if you can take the patience 49:56 you need with your sister. 49:57 How many of you have a sister? 50:00 Okay, I have a sister too 50:02 and your sisters can try your patience. 50:06 They can really test your patience. 50:07 let me tell you, girlfriends can too. 50:10 and wives can too. 50:13 And so if you can practice learning patience 50:16 by treating your sister with the utmost respect 50:19 and the utmost love, you'll be prepared 50:22 you've developed the habit of treating 50:24 your future wife in that same manner. 50:28 And the same thing goes with your mother, 50:31 if you can't love your mother 50:33 who's taking care of you for twenty years. 50:35 What makes you think that you're gonna love your wife 50:37 who's gonna have to put up for you 50:39 with you for ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years. 50:42 However long you guys, you know, live I should say. 50:45 Because no one, you know, 50:47 we don't believe in divorce, amen. 50:49 And God's hates divorce but he loves divorcees. 50:52 Amen. 50:54 No sin is greater than the next. 50:57 But God hates divorce because it tears apart families 51:00 and so we need to practice. 51:03 We need to practice as much as we can, 51:05 before we get married. 51:07 So that when we do get married we'll be the husbands that 51:11 God wants us to be and we won't run 51:13 The risk of being divorced. 51:16 So I think those are two very practical ways 51:18 as far as adapting yourself to the personality of your wife, 51:25 your future wife is by practicing 51:28 adapting your personality and adapting your way of life 51:32 to your mother and to your sister. 51:35 Good practical suggestions. 51:38 Then the next one is, 51:40 and this is more in the area of financial security. 51:42 We need to, we need to hold down jobs. 51:45 If you have not been able to hold down a stable job, 51:47 then the reality is, you're probably not ready. 51:51 You know, and that's not to make fun of anybody, 51:52 but you're probably not ready to take on 51:57 the responsibility of a family. 51:59 Because bringing your family into the world. 52:02 it's hard enough to take care of yourself. 52:06 But trying to care of someone else is another story 52:09 and so you need to to hold jobs 52:10 and you know if you can get experiences where, 52:15 you know, there's a, if you can get a job 52:18 where you have an opportunity to move up, 52:19 it's good practice. 52:21 Because then you can really see, 52:24 you know, what it's going to be like. 52:26 What it's going to be like to help your wife 52:30 get where she needs to be, etc, etc. 52:32 And help her reach her goals and dreams 52:35 because you've had experience 52:37 reaching your goals and dreams. 52:38 You've had experience going up the ladder. 52:42 and so these are just some practical suggestions. 52:44 No doubt there are more, but for sake of time 52:48 I'll move on to our last point here. 52:51 Now, the last point is, our last point 52:54 which was our first question and that was, 52:57 would you give your life. 52:59 Would you give your life? 53:00 well, how do we really give our lives? 53:04 And I'll give you a simple principle first 53:06 And then we'll look at some practical stuff. 53:08 the simple principle is this. 53:13 That what it really means in the practical sense 53:15 to give your life is to be selfless. 53:22 so often in relationships we think of self first. 53:28 And we're willing to give up our selfish desires, 53:32 we'll be able to help. 53:36 We'll be able to love our wife in the way that 53:39 we should love and we'll be able 53:41 to step by step, it happens small. 53:43 If you can give up yourself the desires, 53:47 one at at time, step by step, 53:50 you'll be able one day when it calls for it, 53:53 when you have a wife be able to put her needs first. 53:57 And her greatest need is spirituality. 54:01 we need to be there like I said. 54:03 To spiritually support our wives, 54:06 to spiritually nurture our wives, 54:09 so that they will be saved in the kingdom. 54:12 You know, one of the things i've experienced 54:14 in my relationship with my girlfriend is, 54:17 she's not, she's not always been 54:21 where I've wanted to her be spiritually. 54:23 And of course none of us are perfect 54:25 and of course we all have different weaknesses 54:26 and as I've looked at some of these weaknesses 54:29 it's easy to focus on the weaknesses. 54:32 It's easy to focus on the weaknesses 54:34 and sometimes I focused on the weaknesses 54:36 and I've just said to myself, 54:38 man, you know, I just lose patience. 54:43 The reality is if we spend the time with the Lord 54:47 and here's the last practical suggestion. 54:50 we spend our time with the Lord 54:52 and then we go out there. 54:53 Once again coming back to the bible study concept 54:58 we go out and we give bible studies. 55:00 We will see the work 55:02 It takes to spiritually bring someone to the Lord. 55:06 And that same type of work is going to be needed 55:09 to be invested in a christian home 55:11 in order to help our wives maintain their spirituality 55:15 and to help us maintain our spirituality 55:17 and ensure that we've been faithful husbands. 55:22 Real men of God who have been faithful husbands. 55:27 You know, there's a bible verse 55:30 and I'll just read it to you quickly 55:33 and that is matthew 10 verse 8 it says, 55:35 "freely you have received, freely give." 55:39 Christ gave his life for us so that we could be saved. 55:44 We need to be willing to do the same thing 55:48 for the wives that we marry, as men, 55:52 however many of us 55:53 who are still contemplating marriage in this room, 55:56 whoever those wives are out there for us, 56:00 we need to be willing to be as graceful as merciful, 56:05 so often we just, 56:07 we're jut like you should be doing better. 56:08 You should be, you know, 56:10 the reality is people take time to go 56:11 and you will see this when you're studying 56:12 the bible with people. 56:14 And you see that when you're studying the bible with them. 56:17 That it takes time and we need to give them the time. 56:23 So that they can make good decisions 56:25 and they can grow to where we need them to grow to. 56:29 And it's important when you're studying the bible, 56:31 people appraise them for their growth. 56:33 You know, and don't praise them 56:34 for their own vain glory 56:35 but praise them so they feel encouraged that, 56:37 yeah, I am making progress. 56:39 And those same things we can do 56:41 with our wives and our future wives. 56:46 And so the three questions that 56:50 we as christian young men need to ask ourselves are, 56:56 would you give your life, 57:00 would you work seven years, 57:06 And would you be a missionary. 57:09 Stand with me if you're willing to answer 57:12 yes to all thee of those questions 57:14 when your time comes. 57:16 And to make your commitment now. 57:17 maybe that's how I should put it -- 57:19 stand right now if you're willing 57:20 to make a commitment, that 57:21 when your time to be a husbands comes. 57:25 That you will be willing to give 57:30 your live towards seven years. 57:32 and to be a missionary, 57:33 stand with me as we close with prayer. 57:40 Dear heavenly father, 57:43 we thank you for the opportunity 57:45 to study the word of God. 57:47 We thank you for the opportunity to be men 57:50 who have an awesome responsibility before us. 57:55 Lord Jesus, we need help in these responsibilities 57:59 but we're making commitment today, to our future wives. 58:03 That we would give our lives. 58:05 I make that commitment, 58:07 Jesus, I would give my life to my future wife. 58:10 I would give up my life to my future wife. 58:14 And then Lord we make the commitment that 58:15 we would be willing to work for seven years. 58:20 And in my own heart I make that commitment, 58:23 to be willing to work seven years. 58:24 To do whatever it takes to be able to provide 58:28 holistically for the security of my future wife. 58:32 And Lord, thirdly, I pray that 58:37 we'd all be willing to be missionaries 58:39 if we decide to have children. 58:41 That we'd committed now to doing whatever 58:44 it takes that our children make it to the kingdom. 58:49 Would you be a missionary, I say yes, Jesus. 58:51 And I pray that each young man standing here 58:53 with me today and each married person 58:56 who does not have children yet standing here today 58:58 would be willing to be a missionary. 59:02 For our future families, this is our prayer, 59:04 in Jesus name we pray. 59:05 Amen. |
Revised 2014-12-17