Participants: Jennifer Jill Schwirzer (Host), Christina Ceccoto, David Guerrero, Dr. Jean Wright II, Lo-Ammi Richardson
Series Code: MOC
Program Code: MOC000026A
00:26 We're admitting our sketchy histories today
00:29 on A Multitude of Counselors 00:30 because God has delivered us from defiance, 00:33 in fact, the name of our Program today is: 00:36 The Deliverance of a Defiant Teen. 00:39 Let me talk to you a little bit about a couple of disorders. 00:43 One is called: Oppositional Defiant Disorder. 00:47 It features aggression, antisocial behavior, 00:50 impulsivity, irritability, screaming and self-harm. 00:54 There's another disorder that's kind of related to it, 00:58 it's called: Conduct Disorder 00:59 but this one is even more severe, 01:01 it is the childhood antecedent 01:03 to Antisocial Personality Disorder 01:06 and it is characterized by really criminal activity that... 01:10 from which a person is like, bereft of any kind of empathy 01:14 or regard for the rights of others. 01:16 An Oppositional Defiant Kid is kind of like an angry young man, 01:21 a Conduct-disordered Kid is going to be more of like, 01:24 a criminal or a thug, so anyway, 01:27 what's the prevalence of these disorders? 01:29 The National Center for Biotechnology Information 01:32 estimates that ODD is at a lifetime prevalence rate 01:36 of about ten percent 01:37 and then Conduct Disorder at about five percent... 01:40 so significantly less. 01:41 What are the causes of these disorders? 01:44 Well, human beings are imitative creatures... 01:48 we copy behaviors and so sometimes 01:52 ODD comes as a result 01:54 of a child seeing oppositional behavior in his parent. 01:58 Also, poor attachment is thought 02:00 to underpin oppositional problems 02:03 and childhood trauma can lead to oppositional... 02:06 or loss of some kind can lead to oppositional behaviors... 02:09 the kid's just hurt... and then angry out of that hurt. 02:13 So what about prognosis or treatment? 02:15 Well, you know, there are some significant brain changes 02:18 during adolescence involving hormones... 02:21 "raging hormones... " as we call them... 02:22 and so sometimes... as that all kind of corrects itself 02:26 as the child matures... the situation resolves itself. 02:29 If there... if it continues or if it persists, 02:32 what therapists do is... they work with the parents 02:35 to help them have consistent, loving, judicious parenting... 02:40 good boundaries... 02:42 and then maintaining those boundaries 02:43 so, who we have today 02:45 to talk with us about Oppositional Defiant Disorder... 02:48 I've kind of diagnosed you informally 02:50 because I don't think you were formally diagnosed, right? 02:53 But now that you know that there is an even worse disorder, 02:56 you should be thankful that you only get... ODD diagnosis... 02:58 so who we have to talk to us about that is: Lo-Ammi... 03:03 I'm just learning how to say your name, right? 03:05 Richardson... from Orlando... 03:08 we're so thankful that you chose to join us today 03:11 Lo-Ammi: Glad to be here. 03:12 Jennifer: And we have our Panel of Counselors as well 03:14 David Guerrero, 03:15 Biblical Counselor from Wisconsin, 03:17 we have Christina Cecotto, 03:18 Licensed Professional Counselor from Georgia 03:22 and we have Dr. Jean Wright from my hometown of Philadelphia 03:25 at least until now 03:27 because I've just moved to Orlando and joined you... 03:29 to keep an eye on you young man, that's right. 03:32 Lo-Ammi: Absolutely, to keep me on track. 03:33 David: Don't get defiant now. 03:35 Jennifer: Tell me a little about 03:36 how things developed in your childhood 03:38 I think you had some losses, didn't you 03:40 and some difficulties 03:41 as a result of those losses, go ahead. 03:43 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, I kind of grew up in an Adventist home... 03:44 mom and dad... 03:46 I grew up in a home where we had family worship... 03:48 attended church... 03:50 maybe about the age of 11- or 12-years old, 03:53 the situation at home wasn't great 03:56 and so mom decided to leave... 03:58 we had a home in Puerto Rico 03:59 and so she decided to leave to Puerto Rico... 04:02 she... her heart was always there... 04:04 and... but the situation at the house 04:07 wasn't as good as she would like for it to be 04:11 and so, eventually, I kind of... 04:13 in an environment where we have family worship 04:15 all of a sudden... there's just my father and I 04:18 and I'm kind of raised with my father 04:20 and he worked part time, 04:21 he was retired but then he got a secondary job 04:24 and worked night shifts 04:25 and so, that was kind of my introduction of independence, 04:29 Saturday nights... I was by myself... 04:31 during the week nights, by myself... 04:33 and so, Dad would work at night... 04:35 when he came home, he'd fall asleep... 04:37 Jennifer: You had all kinds of "alone time. " 04:39 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, yeah... a little bit too much time. 04:41 Jennifer: Siblings... siblings around? 04:43 Lo-Ammi: Yes, I had two older brothers... 04:44 three... one of them passed away... 04:45 and then my older sister. 04:47 Jennifer: Were they around when you were... 04:48 Lo-Ammi: No, because I was the only child in the home... 04:50 Jennifer: So, effectively you were an only child. 04:52 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, so my parents actually were 04:54 old when they had me... my dad was 60 plus 04:56 and my mom was up in her mid-40s... 04:58 so... when they had me so I kind of... 05:00 was in a home where there was an age discrepancy 05:02 between my parents and I so there was really none... 05:05 they came from a different generation 05:06 than when I was growing up. 05:08 David: And your siblings were older? 05:09 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, much older... much older... 05:10 so all my life... I always hung around older people... 05:12 I never really hung out with anybody my age. 05:14 Jennifer: One other question... 05:15 did you notice a conflict between your parents... 05:18 that led to the separation or... not so much...? 05:20 Lo-Ammi: Oh yeah, I mean... there was disagreement... 05:22 finances was usually the case... 05:25 even issues within the church... 05:27 my mother was very spiritual... very religious... 05:29 my father was... I guess you would say, 05:31 more "works" oriented... 05:32 he was very beloved and loved by everyone 05:34 but not necessarily the spiritual mentor 05:36 that you would want the father figure to be... 05:38 so my mom... was that... and so there were always issues, 05:42 nothing specific but again, 05:44 my mom always wanted to move back to Puerto Rico 05:46 because she had a house there, she was a country girl at heart 05:48 and so... so they owned the home 05:50 and she eventually moved back. 05:52 Jennifer: So what came into that vacuum? 05:54 You have all this "alone time," 05:55 things are kind of difficult at home... 05:59 what came into the vacuum for you? 06:00 Lo-Ammi: I mean, yes, I mean... 06:01 I started watching movies, obviously, TV 06:04 you know, music was kind of introduced... 06:06 I remember purchasing my first Boyz ll Men CD... 06:09 Mariah Carey... and then it kind of progressed from there... 06:11 and watching things that normally you wouldn't... 06:14 wouldn't be able to watch 06:16 but you have free time and you're alone... so... 06:18 David: No supervision? 06:19 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, no supervision... so you kind of watch... 06:20 you know... Saturday night... 06:22 all the TV shows cut off at ten 06:25 and then all of a sudden it's... "Oh, adult cartoons... " 06:27 and... it kind of progressed from there... so... 06:29 David: And no is there. 06:30 Lo-Ammi: No one is there to kind of... just... just myself. 06:32 Jennifer: And some of the music celebrities 06:33 are not the most savory characters in the world 06:36 if I'm not mistaken. 06:37 Lo-Ammi: No not at all... 06:38 actually one of the big influences was 06:40 Puffy... Bad Boy... and that kind of genre of music 06:44 so I was immersed in hip hop and its culture... 06:48 I was fast forwarding in it 06:50 and kind of mimicked a lot of my... 06:51 thought pattern and behavior... and even my world views 06:54 to the things that I was listening to... 06:56 David: And even the messages that came into your mind... 06:58 from the music and what you were watching... 07:00 Lo-Ammi: Oh yeah, absolutely and part of it is 07:01 because you can actually relate to it... 07:03 you know, as you were mentioning before, 07:04 you hear about songs where 07:07 the father is not home... mom's not home... 07:09 and you can kind of relate to their experiences 07:11 so you gravitate to... to their lyrics and their worldview. 07:14 David: And their behavior. 07:15 Lo-Ammi: And their behavior... so... 07:17 Jennifer: So what did you start to do, would you act out or...? 07:20 Lo-Ammi: Oh yeah, so for me... I was just... 07:21 I was always someone who had to get my point across... 07:24 I had to have the final word or at least... hear me out... 07:26 and understand what I'm saying, 07:28 and so, you know, my parents' generation was... 07:31 I was a "why" kid, "Well, why do I have to do it?" 07:34 "Because I said so... " "But... why?" 07:35 "Shut up and do what I said... " you know... and so... 07:38 Christina: Did they ever give you an explanation 07:41 or they just said, "Because I said so... " 07:42 Lo-Ammi: Not necessarily... my mom... 07:44 not necessarily... it was kind of... 07:45 it was on the rule that you did what parents did 07:48 and for me... I just wanted to know 07:49 and so, eventually when my dad did quit his job 07:53 and he started being at home much more... 07:55 all of a sudden, there were rules... 07:56 there was, "I want you to be at home at a certain time... " 07:59 I'm like, "No, I'm going out... " 08:01 Jennifer: And you're like, "I've had freedom up until now, 08:04 what is this... sudden... 08:05 Lo-Ammi: Exactly, so you know... 08:07 now that I'm not young anymore, 08:09 I'm going out to teenage clubs and going out late nights 08:12 and for the most part, I was pretty kosher... 08:16 I wasn't doing nothing too bad, I was just staying out late 08:19 and so, of course, my dad would say, 08:21 "No thing good happens after 12 o'clock. " 08:22 "Well, so I'm doing... 08:24 you know the people that I'm hanging out with... " 08:25 and so there was, now, this conflict in the home where, 08:28 "I need you to do this... " 08:30 and I'm like, "Oh, you haven't been there for me to 08:32 know what I needed to do, I've been doing on my own... " 08:34 and so, that's kind of... that was kind of where... 08:37 Jennifer: Some resentment. 08:38 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, yeah, yeah... 08:39 some of the stuff that kind of sprung up... 08:41 I was saying my parents loved me, 08:42 they raised me the best way they knew how, 08:44 I just think that because of that generational gap, 08:47 there was a lot of misunderstandings and... 08:49 my dad grew up in a generation, 08:52 "You work hard, in 40 years, you retire and you do what I do" 08:54 and for me, I'm like, "Well, I want to explore the world 08:57 there's so much more out there... " 08:58 and so, yeah, that was kind of the... where it kind of started 09:03 and so, issues with my father, you know, 09:05 not necessarily... I was rebelling or I was agitating 09:08 and... going against his rules and so eventually, 09:11 I got myself in a situation where the police were called... 09:14 that I got arrested and... the crazy thing is that 09:17 nobody ever knew what was going on internally 09:20 because I have no tattoos... 09:21 I'm a pretty straight forward kid, 09:23 I laugh all the time, I like to enjoy life but... 09:25 Christina: How old were you during all this time? 09:27 Lo-Ammi: Oh, this is maybe around 13... 14... years old... 09:29 and so, at this point where... mom was gone, 09:33 we went to go visit Puerto Rico 09:34 and lo and behold I find out 09:36 that I'm now going to be staying in Puerto Rico 09:39 and... at a very crucial point in my life 09:42 where now I'm introduced to a whole new culture... 09:45 whole new people and... 09:46 and I felt like, mom and dad "betrayed" me... 09:49 like, nobody ever sat me down to talk to me... it was like, 09:51 "I can't deal with you... these are the issues... " 09:53 and so, that was kind of where... 09:54 David: So, you felt betrayed by them? 09:56 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, yeah, I felt like I was a bouncing check 09:59 because they are retired so they get a certain income... 10:02 whoever has the custody of... who has custody of me... 10:05 and so... 10:07 Jean: So there was never a communication between your dad 10:10 that, "We're going to have to do something different, 10:12 you're going to go to Puerto Rico... " 10:14 conversation of any kind. 10:16 Lo-Ammi: There was nothing communicated, like I said, 10:17 I remember... he had a two-way plane ticket, 10:20 I had a one-way ticket and... I asked... 10:22 obviously as a kid like, "Why do I have one ticket?" 10:24 "Oh, you have the whole summer to spend there... " 10:26 "All right, cool... " and so, I'm in Puerto Rico... 10:28 we're enjoying... my dad leaves... 10:30 and August comes around, schools are there 10:32 and I'm like, "Hey, Dad, school's about to... " 10:34 "Oh no, you're staying there. " I was like, "What?" 10:36 mom knew... and then mom knows... 10:38 and I'm like, "Oh, you knew... " 10:39 and so, and so this is... 10:41 I felt like, "Okay, nobody is talking to me about it... " 10:44 and so this resentment kind of came over me. 10:46 Jean: You felt tricked. 10:48 Lo-Ammi: Absolutely, absolutely, and so... 10:50 Jennifer: How did that... how did it manifest itself, 10:53 I mean, so far, you've been staying out late 10:55 but no drugs... no drinking? 10:56 Lo-Ammi: Well, at this point, 10:58 I wasn't doing any of those things 10:59 but in Puerto Rico... kind of in a culture where 11:01 it's normal to see teenage kids drinking at 15 years old... 11:04 and so, we had a bar, literally, right next door to our house 11:07 and so, you play pool... you stay out late... 11:10 and before you know it, you're drinking 11:12 and then, you're smoking... and then, you're skipping school 11:14 nobody is knowing I'm doing all of these things 11:16 all of a sudden you're participating in car robberies 11:19 and, you're... and at this time, you really don't know... 11:22 there's a language barrier... the culture is talking... 11:25 for me, there was basketball, my outlet was music... 11:28 my outlet... and so... whatever... 11:29 that was kind of my safe haven... was basketball 11:32 but for the most part, in order for me to fit in, 11:34 I had to kind of do what everyone else did 11:36 and so, that was kind of what I gravitated to. 11:38 Jennifer: Hmmm... you know, 11:40 sometimes you have these issues with young people, 11:43 and you scratch your head 11:44 because the parents are so committed 11:47 and there is really no explanation for what's going on 11:49 but I can see a direct line 11:51 between some of the things that happened to you 11:54 and the lack of communication with your parents 11:57 and you acting out... 11:58 so that's good, that means you're not incurable. 12:01 David: The lack of attention that a child needs... 12:05 Jean: And the other thing is developmentally... 12:07 you weren't developmentally prepared to raise yourself 12:09 and what kid is... 12:11 Jennifer: Yeah, exactly. 12:12 Jean: And so, from a developmental standpoint 12:13 it was really you at a disadvantage, 12:15 you were growing up... there was a parent in the home 12:17 but wasn't available... sounds like it... 12:20 and then, as a 12-year-old, 13... whatever... 12:22 you're having to figure these things out... 12:24 and not having a direct link to the wisdom of an adult. 12:27 Jennifer: Yeah, what was that Proverb, David? 12:29 that "A child left to himself... " 12:32 David: It was Proverbs 29:15 says, 12:34 "The rod and reproof give wisdom: 12:36 but a... " listen to this... 12:38 "but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. " 12:43 Or his parents... he was left to himself... 12:46 Lo-Ammi: And it's interesting you say that because 12:48 my mother was known as a very spiritual lady 12:51 in the church and in the community 12:53 and so, when I did all these things, it was kind of... 12:56 Jennifer: A bad reflection on her. 12:57 Lo-Ammi: Exactly, but I knew that she was a spiritual lady... 13:00 that she... I mean... 13:01 I dedicate my... all of my life to that woman, right... 13:04 if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be back in the church 13:06 but as the Proverb says, I did get the rebuke 13:09 and I did get the chastising but the... 13:12 but because of my behavior, I did put her to shame. 13:14 I did put my parents to shame and so, 13:17 even with... my family... there was... 13:19 all the hurt was that bad... 13:21 but they never took time to really hear me out 13:24 and even if they did, 13:25 maybe, I didn't communicate it directly 13:27 but that's... that's how it kind of... 13:29 David: And like I was saying 13:31 here's a child that needs to be raised 13:35 and God gives parents the responsibility to raise a child 13:38 and he is trying to raise himself... 13:39 and what I heard was happening 13:42 was that there was a lot of pain that you were experiencing 13:47 because of the absence of your mother and father 13:50 and you started to cry out by saying, 13:53 "Hear me out... " because he was so lonely... 13:55 and when you tried to say, "Hear me out... " 13:58 either by saying those words 14:00 or by behavior that wasn't acceptable 14:03 what was happening was, they were trying to squash you 14:05 and say, "No, be quiet and we're going to control you 14:07 and we're going to tell you what to do... " 14:08 the then other thing that I saw was, 14:10 your father... and we do this as fathers... 14:12 because I'm a father and I have children... 14:14 is that, oftentimes that I will begin to regret... 14:20 or a man will begin to regret of the things that he didn't do 14:22 so then he'll overcompensate by saying, 14:24 you know, "I'm going to control you 14:26 so I'm going to be a good father 14:27 and you're going to do this and do that 14:29 so that things will turn out right... " 14:30 but doing that actually does not help... it hurts... 14:36 and you have the opposite effect. 14:37 Jennifer: Well, what if you are a parent 14:39 and you all actually haven't really been 14:40 boundaried enough with your kids 14:41 or you haven't been involved enough... what do you do? 14:43 Do you go to them and admit it and say, 14:46 "I want to try to change things... " or... what? 14:48 David: Part of that is, is... "Yes... " 14:49 honesty... you're sitting down with your children... 14:51 I've had to do that and say, "You know, Son... " 14:53 or... to my daughter... "I was wrong... 14:56 these are the things that I have done that really... 14:58 I shouldn't have done... 15:00 and can you forgive me?" 15:02 And the second thing... 15:03 and I do counsel parents all the time... is I say, 15:05 "You know, start trying to build a relationship with your child 15:08 but do it slowly... 15:09 don't try to jump into their space and say, 'I'm here... ' 15:12 but slowly try to build the relationship... 15:15 maybe take them out for... to lunch... 15:17 or dinner... or to start doing some things with them... 15:20 start building a relationship with one another 15:23 so that it can gain your trust and vice versa. " 15:26 Christina: I think it's important to note 15:27 that there are two absences... if I can say that... 15:30 physically... your parents weren't there... 15:33 and then, also emotionally... 15:35 and that's the one that I'm hearing a lot... 15:38 even though, I think you said... 15:39 and you'll have to correct me if I'm wrong... 15:41 but that your mother was there in Puerto Rico... 15:43 it's not that she had a night job or anything... 15:44 and was sleeping during the day, 15:46 but yet, that emotional connection wasn't there 15:50 so it wasn't the emotional intimacy... 15:51 Lo-Ammi: Right, so my mother was always the one who... 15:53 "Here, come here, sit on my lap... 15:54 let me do... hug and kisses and... " 15:56 and I'm like, "I'm a grown man, 15:57 stop doing that... " right... 15:59 and my father was well... "I provide... I gave you this... 16:01 this is... " you know... and so... 16:02 David: They were doing the best that they could... 16:03 that they understood... 16:05 Lo-Ammi: From what they understood and once I got older, 16:06 I appreciated my dad for who he was 16:08 and my mother... how they could love me... 16:11 the only way they knew how... 16:12 but I was just thinking about this... like, 16:15 I didn't even call my dad, "Dad... " 16:16 until, maybe, I was ten years old. 16:18 because everyone called him "Uncle Sonny... " 16:20 that was his nickname... and so I called him Uncle Sonny, 16:22 so, when I did say "Dad" for the first time, 16:24 I was like, "This is weird... it's dad... " 16:27 but that was kind of that transition where 16:29 he was... he did what he could 16:32 but there was that disconnection that was there... 16:34 there wasn't that father... son... relationship, 16:37 I knew he loved me and he respected me, 16:38 but that... again that emotional connection that you would need 16:41 was kind of absent because my mom was in Puerto Rico 16:44 and so, that... I did receive it... 16:46 but it was... it was long distance. 16:47 Jennifer: So you're there... you're in Puerto Rico, 16:50 you're starting to act out criminally... 16:52 you come to a breaking point, something happens... 16:55 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, so they... 16:56 my sister and my mother wanted to send me to, like a boot camp 17:00 and kind of straighten me out and... 17:01 and... and I've watched... 17:03 Jennifer: When you say boot camp... you mean like, 17:04 therapeutic boarding school places. 17:06 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, Military School or... you know... 17:08 I watched Maury and all of these TV shows... 17:10 and the Sergeant is drilling the kid and making sure that... 17:13 David: In your face... 17:15 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, yeah... I'm in Puerto Rico 17:16 and it's bad over there and so... 17:18 Jennifer: The Boot Camp would be there? 17:19 Lo-Ammi: Yeah so... 17:21 Jennifer: And the Boot Camps there are even more extreme 17:22 than they are here... 17:23 Lo-Ammi: Than in the States... and I was like, 17:25 "All right, let me straighten out my act... a little bit... " 17:27 and so, I did the right things 17:29 but... so eventually I did move back to Orlando 17:32 but that behavior never necessarily changed... 17:34 David: With the heart... 17:35 Lo-Ammi: Yeah, it was a heart change... 17:37 I grew up in the church, I went to church... 17:38 if you've ever been to a black church... 17:39 you're in church all day long right... 17:41 all throughout the week... 17:42 and so, church didn't "save" me 17:44 but it was the relationship with Christ 17:45 that ultimately saved me. 17:47 Once I had that realization, it was... 17:48 and the Bible states... 17:50 "Raise up the child in the way he should go 17:51 and when he gets old... he won't depart from it. " 17:53 So, there were a lot of principles that my family 17:56 embedded in me, right, when I was younger 17:58 that when I got older, 18:00 I had that experience with Christ... 18:01 it all made sense and it came in the context of a relationship 18:04 with God and understanding that... you know, 18:07 "Wow! this is... this is who I missed out on all these years. " 18:11 Christina: How did that change you? 18:12 Lo-Ammi: It changed me for the... 18:14 I mean, it was funny with my mom always believed... 18:16 my pursuit of basketball was like my goal... right... 18:19 I wanted to go back to Puerto Rico 18:21 and play semi-professional basketball 18:23 and my mom said, 18:24 "You know, I see you as being 18:26 the next Doug Batchelor... Mark Finley... " 18:27 I'm like, "Okay, Mom, yeah, all right... " 18:28 and so, she used to pray radical prayers... like, 18:30 when I was rebellious... 18:32 "You have to break that boy's leg Lord, do it... " 18:33 and I'm like, "Lord, I need my legs... " 18:35 David: Or now, she'll do it... 18:37 Lo-Ammi: She'll do it... right... right... 18:39 "I need my legs Lord... " you know... 18:40 and anytime she prayed and I prayed, 18:42 she always won those prayers and so... eventually... 18:44 Jennifer: Wait a minute... she always won? 18:47 Her prayers always won? 18:49 Lo-Ammi: Yes, she always won. David: Did your legs break? 18:50 Lo-Ammi: No, I'm still good... my knees hurt a little bit 18:53 but they're still attached... but, you know, 18:55 but for overall... like her... 18:57 she would pray things out of my life and it would happen 19:00 and it was so frustrating 19:02 because eventually, what the Lord was doing was breaking me 19:05 and so, when I did finally get to a position 19:07 where I was ready to accept Christ, 19:09 she ultimately won that as well, you know, 19:13 and long story short... 19:14 I was able to share my testimony in Orlando... 19:16 in the city where I did all my dirt in... 19:18 and I was able to share my testimony at GYC 19:20 in front of thousands of people on 3ABN and... 19:22 Jennifer: Wait a minute, you skipped the part about 19:24 when you did give your heart to the Lord, 19:25 so when did that happen? 19:26 Lo-Ammi: Yes, so, prior to that was, 19:28 lot of rough patches in my life... 19:29 finances was dwindling... 19:31 the cars that I had were breaking down... 19:33 the "fame and the fortune" and everything that I was pursuing 19:37 was kind of diminishing and... 19:39 and so, it got me to a point when I was, 19:41 I was kind of broken... I was like... 19:44 all of these things that I identified my... 19:46 that identified with... my music... the alcohol... 19:48 that allowed me to have fun and be free and... 19:51 the smoking of marijuana and the selling of drugs 19:54 and all of these things that kind of made me a man, right, 19:57 I established myself... 19:59 I didn't really have to answer to anybody... 20:02 I was making it on my own... 20:03 those things were kind of being removed... 20:05 and so, I got a phone call from my sister 20:08 saying that I got sponsored to go to this event... 20:11 this GYC thing... 20:12 Jennifer: Who sponsored you? 20:14 Lo-Ammi: My mother... Jennifer: Hmmm... hmmm... 20:15 David: She was answering her own prayer... 20:16 Lo-Ammi: And she knew... 20:18 my sister knew that if my mother would have... 20:19 if I would have known it was my mother, 20:20 I wouldn't have gone... and so... 20:22 Jennifer: And what was the name of the event? 20:23 Lo-Ammi: GYC... Generation of Youth for Christ. 20:24 Jennifer: So it's the Youth Congress. 20:26 David: Which year... Which year did you go? 20:27 Lo-Ammi: It was 2009... 2009... transitioned to 2010... 20:30 and it's interesting... and now... 20:32 a lot of my friends who I've met now... within ministry, 20:36 it was around that time... 20:37 from that they all got converted as well, 20:39 and so, I lost a lot of worldly friends 20:41 but then, God replenished it with so many spiritual things... 20:43 I'm still friends with to this very day... 20:45 and I remember, when I shared my testimony, 20:48 it was a real moment where I'm exposing myself... 20:51 I'm being vulnerable to the world... 20:52 I'm in the City where I did all my dirt 20:54 and probably the biggest stage of my life 20:56 and I remember contacting my mother 20:58 the only thing she could say was like, 21:00 "And who told you how to... combine your tie with your suit, 21:03 you look good, boy... " 21:05 it wasn't like this, 21:07 "Oh, I'm so proud of you and I... " 21:09 it's almost like she had this self-confidence 21:11 in knowing that "The Lord is going to answer my prayer... " 21:13 Jennifer: So she never doubted it for a moment... 21:15 Lo-Ammi: Not one bit... not one bit... and... 21:18 Jennifer: Your parents are both gone right? 21:20 Lo-Ammi: They are gone... my dad did suffer from a heart attack 21:22 and then... my mother died from colon cancer 21:25 and so, one of the benefits of... 21:27 one of the blessings that I was able to... 21:29 we prayed for my dad... my dad wasn't... 21:31 we felt wasn't where he needed to be spiritually... 21:33 and we always labored for my father 21:35 especially... now we're all in a... more spiritual terms... 21:39 and so, right before my father passed away, 21:43 my mother... I was actually at a school 21:46 called: LIFE Lay School for Evangelism 21:48 four-month evangelism... 21:49 David: In Florida? Lo-Ammi: Yeah, Florida 21:51 and I received a phone call from my mother, 21:52 and my mom was so calm, she was telling me the story, 21:56 she was like, "You know how your father is? 21:57 he does... da... da... da... da... da... 21:59 and he passed away... and so, I'm in the... " 22:01 Lo-Ammi: I'm like, "What... what did you say?" 22:03 she said, "Dad passed away" and so, for the first time 22:06 I just talked to him not even a few days ago 22:08 and for the first time I'm so... I'm like, "Dad is gone!" 22:13 because you look at your parents as invincible... 22:17 especially... because he was much older 22:19 but he was young at heart and people loved him 22:22 and so... but one of the things that really... 22:24 really struck a chord that I knew 22:25 that the Lord was answering her prayer was that... 22:27 she's like... "But one of the things, Lo-Ammi 22:29 that I want you to remember is that... 22:30 I saw him praying 22:32 before he went to the ambulance, before he passed away... 22:34 what that prayer is... we don't know 22:35 but we know that... 22:37 I believe that was a prayer of repentance... 22:39 and you know what I'm saying 22:40 and then two years after that... my mom got diagnosed with cancer 22:43 and then... it progressed... 22:44 for that... it was a little harder 22:46 because you see, the life being taken away 22:48 the energy that she had and the... 22:50 for the first time, I remember, 22:52 I share this in my testimony 22:54 that we tried to bring her back from Puerto Rico 22:57 back to Orlando, and... but she... 23:00 her health could not allow her to get on the plane 23:03 and so my sister was like, 23:04 "You have to take the first flight down to Puerto Rico... " 23:06 and... I'm like... "All right... " 23:08 so, of course, as a young adult you have all of these questions, 23:13 you realize how rebellious you were, 23:15 how bad you were 23:17 and all the times I wished my mother was dead... 23:19 and all of these things and... and I just remembered... 23:21 yeah, just remember walking through the door, 23:23 I felt so guilty... so like... I just felt horrible... 23:27 and I remember opening that door 23:28 and my mom had... like, the biggest smile on her face, 23:31 and she was like, "Come here, give me a hug boy" 23:33 and it was like... this moment where 23:35 she always saw what I could be and not who I was... 23:38 Christina: Wow! David: Amen. 23:40 Lo-Ammi: And that, for me was something that I was... 23:42 even now... in my experience... 23:44 growing in my Christian experience... 23:47 I'm like, "Man, I'm on my own again... 23:48 but I have this assurance where... 23:50 though I lost my earthly mother... my earthly father... 23:53 I have a heavenly Father that kind of looks out for me... " 23:56 and I'm still working on that relationship 23:59 because I realize that the rebellious nature 24:01 is still not completely... 24:03 you know, when God tells me to do something... 24:05 I'm like, "No, I'll do it on my own... I have been doing it... " 24:06 and so, "My child can you listen to me and trust me?" 24:09 and so, my experience growing up... 24:11 allowed me to really see God for who He was 24:14 and it was through my parents. 24:15 Christina: And I want to point out something you said 24:17 because it sounds like, 24:18 instead of your mother shaming you, 24:19 she believed in you... and by her believing in you... 24:24 that belief was internalized 24:26 which then probably helped motivate you 24:29 to actually be a better person... incredible! 24:31 Lo-Ammi: It was funny because you always talk about... 24:33 I was always a talker... people know me... I was always 24:36 as people know me, they know I talk a lot... 24:38 I like to conversate and God utilized that to 24:41 now be able to have the privilege 24:43 of sharing His Word to others 24:44 impacting other people's lives. 24:45 Jennifer: So what do you do? 24:47 Lo-Ammi: I'm a full-time evangelist... 24:48 I work for SALT... 24:49 Jennifer: So you talk for a living. 24:51 Lo-Ammi: I do talk for a living 24:52 and the majority of people that I talk to are youth... 24:54 and what's more important is... Adventist Youth who... 24:57 who struggle with the same experience that I struggled with 25:01 who are gravitating to the world 25:03 and want to know what the world has to offer 25:05 and I come from a real experience... 25:07 I know that... what the Lord has... 25:09 what my parents taught me when I was younger... 25:13 are valuable principles 25:14 but at the same time, I'm honest in telling them 25:17 that there are things in the world that are enjoyable 25:19 but they're never going to fulfill you 25:21 like a relationship with God was... 25:23 I always looked at myself... 25:25 David: Passing pleasures of sin... 25:26 Lo-Ammi: Exactly... exactly... 25:27 and so, for me... I always wanted... 25:29 there was this nickname that 25:30 my friends jokingly always gave me... 25:32 oh... "The Prince of Orlando" 25:33 and the reason I was a prince was because a king has his queen 25:35 I never had that, right, 25:37 never was married or had a relationship 25:38 so it was like, "The Prince... " 25:39 every time I'd go downtown Orlando... everybody knew me 25:41 and now, the Lord is like... 25:43 Jennifer: And now you're feeding the homeless in the same place. 25:46 Lo-Ammi: Exactly... and all of the things... 25:48 all of the dirt that I was doing in the city of Orlando... 25:50 I'm undoing it now with the words of... 25:52 with the blessing of the talents that He has given me 25:55 but, most importantly, for me, I limited myself to Orlando... 25:58 now, all of a sudden God says, 26:00 "Well, let me expand your territory... 26:01 how about you travel here, 26:02 how about you go on 3ABN and share your testimony," right... 26:04 David: Amen! 26:05 Lo-Ammi: I limited myself in... in saying, 26:07 "Well, I just want to be the Prince of Orlando... " 26:08 and God says, 26:10 "Well, you... you're a child of the Prince of Kings... 26:12 and I want to use you for a greater territory. " 26:14 David: Earlier, you asked a question, you said, 26:16 "What can a parent do?" and he actually shared that... 26:19 a parent can pray... 26:20 and then he said something that was really powerful, 26:22 we need to look beyond our children's faults... 26:26 and treat them as what they're going to be 26:29 and not who they are. 26:30 Christina: Which is what Jesus does to us... right... 26:32 and that's how we are able to overcome... 26:34 is because Jesus in believes us and it's so empowering 26:37 but I'm wondering, emotionally... like, 26:40 I'm wondering, what would you say to maybe fathers out there 26:43 I'm going to pick on your dad a little bit... 26:45 to be able to build that emotional intimacy... that bond. 26:49 Lo-Ammi: Take time to listen, check to see how they're doing, 26:54 at times, you kind of gravitate to how I express love 26:58 but try to figure out how is the best way... 27:01 and what's the best way to receive that love, 27:02 what's the best way to communicate that love... 27:04 and for parents out there whose children are out in the world... 27:07 your prayers... 27:09 I'm a testimony to answered prayers... 27:11 so don't ever give up on your kids. 27:13 All: Amen... amen... amen... 27:15 Jennifer: We're told that "If anyone is in Christ, 27:17 he's a new creature: 27:18 old things are passed away; 27:20 behold, all things are become new. " 27:21 God doesn't see us as we are at our worst, 27:24 God sees us as who we will become... 27:26 in fact, who we are becoming in Christ... 27:29 God is taking the life of this young man 27:32 who could have been diagnosed 27:34 with Oppositional Defiant Disorder 27:36 or God forbid... Conduct Disorder 27:38 at some point in his life 27:39 but God transformed him... he was born again... 27:42 and he experienced a renewal of the Holy Ghost 27:45 and his life is transformed 27:47 and now instead of preaching the doctrine of darkness, 27:50 he is preaching the gospel of the Kingdom. 27:53 God is able to transform you, 27:54 in fact, He has already put the wheels in motion to do that. |
Revised 2017-10-16