Marriage in God's Hands

Communication Breakers

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Alane Waters, Tom Waters


Series Code: MGH

Program Code: MGH000016

00:34 Welcome to Marriage Heart to Heart!
00:35 We're Tom & Alane Waters with Restoration International
00:39 And we're looking forward
00:41 to today's program with you.
00:43 We're gonna be talking about communication breakers.
00:45 So, we hope you have your pencil and paper ready
00:47 as we begin.
00:49 You know, there are all kinds of things that
00:51 break communication.
00:54 And we're gonna be talking about how we can
00:57 overcome those communication breakers,
00:58 because we wanna have a marriage
01:00 that's truly heart to heart.
01:03 You know, communication breakers
01:05 are actually what lead to this fatal cycle.
01:07 And we've talked about this fatal cycle
01:10 in some of our earlier programs.
01:12 That fatal cycle which then leads often to divorce.
01:17 So, if communication begins to break down
01:20 we start that fatal cycle,
01:21 and it's not safe to stay in that fatal cycle.
01:25 That's right! That fatal cycle draws us apart.
01:28 And puts barriers between us.
01:31 So, one of the communication breakers
01:33 that we experienced in our home early on
01:36 was the absolute statements.
01:40 "You always...!" and "You never..!"
01:45 It seemed like any time that we
01:47 were starting to be in the me focus
01:49 those kind of statements started
01:51 flow from us to each other.
01:53 "You always do that!" "You never do that!"
01:56 "You always say that!"
01:58 And those kind of thoughts
01:59 those kind of words
02:01 would almost always derail us in our communication
02:05 and cause us problems.
02:06 So, is it safe to say then that
02:09 when we're saying words
02:11 like: "You always..!"
02:13 "Why you never...!?"
02:16 in those tones of voice
02:18 that it's pretty safe to say
02:19 we are in the me focus.
02:22 We're not really looking at being very understanding.
02:25 And we're thinking just about my perspective.
02:29 First of all these statements aren't even true statements.
02:32 And secondly they take us away
02:33 from the issue that we're discussing
02:36 on to a different issue that has no relevance to
02:39 the things being discussed.
02:40 It's kind of a side tracking because now
02:43 if you've made me feel like
02:45 or I feel, or you can't make me feel like
02:48 but if I get the idea that "I always..!"
02:50 and "I never..!"
02:52 then that kind of raises a
02:54 a defensive response:
02:56 "Well, last time I didn't say that!"
02:59 And so you say "I always..!"
03:01 and I didn't say it last time we got into it, so
03:04 it's a side track!
03:06 And pretty soon we can be off into something that
03:08 has no relevance
03:10 to where we started.
03:12 And we find ourselves quite upset.
03:14 Over something that it was never an issue to start with.
03:17 So, we've made a decision in our home,
03:19 a commitment that we're not going to let
03:21 these kind of communication breakers
03:23 destroy our communication.
03:25 - That's right! - And we've agreed
03:27 that if these come up in our conversation,
03:30 which sometimes they still do,
03:32 that if the person who speaks catches themselves they
03:35 can correct themselves.
03:36 That's right!
03:38 And if not the other person in the conversation
03:39 or if we're having a family council
03:41 anyone in our home
03:43 anyone of our children have permission to respectfully say:
03:47 "Mother you just said: "You always..!"
03:50 And that gives me the opportunity
03:51 as the offender to say:
03:53 "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that!
03:55 You don't always.
03:57 what I mean to say is:
03:58 often" and then I can continue
04:00 my sentence or my statement.
04:02 And it's been very effective in our home
04:05 as a way to remedy these communication breakers.
04:08 Very helpful.
04:10 The second area that we wanna talk about
04:13 is bringing up the past.
04:15 You know, it's so easy
04:16 especially if we're in the "me focus"
04:19 and we know how
04:20 we can move out of that "me focus"
04:23 to the "us focus" but,
04:25 these communication breakers often
04:26 happen or are stimulated when we're in the "me focus".
04:29 So if we're in that "me focus"
04:31 it's easy to start bringing up the past
04:33 and it's a real communication breaker.
04:36 Because if we're holding
04:37 the other person in the past
04:39 do you like that dear?
04:40 You like to be held in the past?
04:42 No! I like to be who I am today!
04:43 Ok!
04:45 So, even if your
04:47 words or your actions
04:50 remind me of something that's happened in the past
04:53 it's not gonna do us any good
04:55 to go back to the past or blame you
04:58 for the past
04:59 to help resolve this present situation.
05:01 And you probably remember that one couple
05:03 that we had in our home, it's a classic example of this.
05:07 This couple they were in our home,
05:10 it was probably over ten years ago,
05:13 and right from the very beginning
05:15 we could see that they could not
05:18 communicate about anything, it seemed.
05:21 And as we were sitting together trying to talk
05:23 about their problems
05:25 and how their communication was being broken down
05:28 one of the things that we observed
05:30 was that they were always,
05:32 at least in the communication that we were having with them,
05:37 always bringing each other back in the past.
05:39 They wouldn't let it go!
05:41 And so, what was ended up happening if you remember
05:45 is they were both
05:47 holding each other in the past.
05:48 And they weren't living very much their life in the present
05:51 and as result
05:53 they were living a pretty miserable experience.
05:55 Their past was destroying their present relationship.
05:58 That's right!
05:59 They wouldn't let the other one out of the
06:00 out of their past. And if it's not good
06:03 why go back and relive it and relive it and relive it?
06:05 Let's get out of this! If it's not that good let's get out
06:08 and move forward!
06:09 That's right!
06:10 If we can take the past out of the picture
06:13 and we're willing to start living a present life
06:16 we'll have a better past.
06:18 if we get that dealing in the past out of there.
06:21 Well, it was time for us to go for our walk and talk time,
06:26 which is something that we've done for years.
06:28 And so, we invited this couple
06:31 while we went for a walk
06:32 and we were gonna head one direction
06:34 and we invited them: "You go the other direction. "
06:37 And we gave them a couple of simple rules
06:39 for communication.
06:40 We said:
06:41 "On this walk that you take together,
06:43 while we go out and have our time together,
06:46 we want you
06:48 to remember what it was
06:50 that attracted you to one another!"
06:52 You remember that?
06:53 "What it was that really made it meaningful for you
06:56 in your early, your courtship and prayer to marriage
07:01 and talk about what it was there
07:03 that made it so meaningful.
07:05 Why you were brought together?
07:07 And then we want you to each try to focus
07:11 your attention on the positive things
07:15 that you liked about that person
07:16 in your early married life.
07:18 Don't talk about anything else from the time you leave
07:23 this house until we come back together!"
07:25 And do you remember how they came back?
07:27 They came back a different couple then what they left.
07:30 I think it was quite eye opening and quite challenging for them.
07:34 But they were willing, they wanted
07:36 - to regain that unity, - That's right!
07:38 they wanted to regain that relationship.
07:40 And they were willing to take that suggestion
07:43 and to discipline themselves on that walk.
07:46 And when they came back
07:48 they were holding hands, they were happy and they had
07:50 broken that fatal cycle.
07:52 That's right!
07:53 That fatal cycle that, you know,
07:54 once we get start down this track it just is like a
07:57 you know, something that sucks us down
07:59 and we just find it very difficult to get out of it.
08:02 And not only that, but it gave them new ground
08:05 to start and to advance in their communication.
08:08 And now it's incredible to see this couple.
08:11 They enjoy each other, they have no problems in
08:13 their communication. - That's right!
08:15 It's exciting to see what can happen and how we can change.
08:18 Yes! And that's
08:20 that's what's exciting. And we wanna encourage you
08:23 as a viewing audience that
08:25 sometimes it just takes a launching off point
08:29 in these communication breakers.
08:31 Somebody
08:32 in the marriage needs to be willing to be
08:35 vulnerable to start making a difference.
08:38 And this was a lunging off place for them.
08:40 They went back to a very positive time
08:42 in their lives and
08:44 they started a new life together really.
08:47 That's what ended up happening.
08:50 Well, let's talk about number three,
08:53 the next communication breaker, and
08:55 believe me, there's many more
08:57 communication breakers that we could talk about
08:59 but time would not permit.
09:00 So, number three
09:02 is the screamer,
09:04 the yeller!
09:06 Those really loud over powering voices
09:10 you know, that come out of real irritation
09:13 that come out of the passions or even rage sometimes.
09:18 And those loud voices
09:21 actually carry with them
09:23 a spirit of force.
09:25 You know, it's interesting
09:29 when I talk with someone we do a lot of
09:32 seminars internationally different countries.
09:34 And it's, I kind of smile about it because
09:37 sometimes when I'm talking to people
09:39 who are speaking a different language
09:42 I somehow think
09:44 and I know it isn't true, but somehow
09:45 I find myself
09:47 if I speak louder
09:49 and slower
09:51 maybe they'll understand my English.
09:55 My family has laughed at me
09:56 that's a little bit of exaggeration, but
09:59 isn't that true? Sometimes we somehow think
10:02 that if I can just get my point across
10:06 you will understand!
10:08 And it doesn't change the understanding at all!
10:11 What it does, it communicates a deeper message.
10:13 if it's done in the passion, and frustration and anger.
10:16 That's right!
10:18 It's understood in a language barrier, because
10:20 it happens naturally.
10:21 But in a home, in a marriage,
10:23 where there's already communication problems
10:26 loud voices only intensifying the problem.
10:28 They don't solve anything.
10:30 - Yes! - So this is an area that
10:32 we have had in our home in the past a long time ago.
10:35 And I'm thankful it's a long time ago.
10:37 And we agreed again
10:39 we made another commitment
10:40 that this was no longer gonna be a part
10:42 of how we communicated in our home.
10:44 That's right!
10:45 And we hope that each one of you
10:47 listening today
10:49 will take notes and
10:51 make these type of commitments
10:53 even if it's just you, a single person listening
10:57 it can make such a difference
10:59 in how you respond to your spouse
11:01 that it will encourage them to start talking to you
11:04 in the same spirit and in the same tone
11:06 in which you talk to them.
11:08 In fact a good example of that is
11:10 I remember once I had laryngitis and I started
11:12 whispering all around the house.
11:14 That's right!
11:15 And the hole family whispered until my voice was back.
11:18 That's right!
11:19 Just by my influence.
11:20 So, by our influence of speaking in a normal
11:23 tone of voice we can
11:25 help to diminish these loud yelling
11:29 sharp responses.
11:31 I remember that and that's actually a very powerful
11:34 example because it wasn't
11:37 that I went around to the children and said:
11:40 "Now, mother can't use her voice so,
11:43 let's all make mother feel better!"
11:45 "Talk real quietly and whisper. "
11:48 But it was by beholding.
11:50 You know, there's a law, a law in the mind that says
11:53 "By beholding we become changed. "
11:55 And as we tuned in to you
11:59 we started talking like you were talking.
12:02 You know, that's another communication breaker.
12:04 Though if we can take that
12:06 there's the person, and we've known couples
12:09 personally, who have gone into the
12:11 they talk so quietly
12:13 or they mutter.
12:15 And sometimes muttering
12:16 is really just a reflection of self
12:19 not speaking clearly.
12:21 And we know one couple that
12:23 the man couldn't hear that well
12:25 and it seemed like the wife actually
12:27 kind of prodded him
12:30 by talking quietly.
12:31 And then she'd say
12:33 something like: "Well
12:34 how come you're not answering me?!"
12:36 Now, she said that
12:37 so he could hear.
12:38 And he's saying:
12:40 "Well, I didn't know you were talking to me. "
12:42 And it created frustration.
12:44 So, communication breakers
12:46 can happen from talking real loud
12:49 or muttering and talking so quietly that
12:52 the person is frustrated and can't really hear.
12:55 I know in our home too
12:57 in that loudness aspect sometimes
12:59 we've find it even more.
13:02 And sometimes
13:03 one of our children or you can say
13:05 you sense a spirit of intensity.
13:07 Not that the voice is escalating
13:10 but that there's a spirit of intensity there.
13:13 So we've agreed that we're gonna be allies
13:15 and not enemies.
13:16 We are here to work together
13:18 to conquer, you know, this life here,
13:21 together.
13:22 And so, we wanna help each other.
13:24 So now, we'll even say:
13:26 "Honey
13:27 I'm sensing a little intensity in your voice
13:29 or in the spirit that's there" - That's right!
13:33 And by having agreed to that ahead of time
13:35 when you say that to me or when I say that to you
13:39 it doesn't bring the defensiveness
13:41 that it could if it hadn't had been discussed before.
13:44 'Cause we're allies now.
13:45 That's right! We're not enemies!
13:46 And I think that concept of being allies
13:48 it was very impactive for us as we
13:51 we recognized that when would start letting that
13:54 self focus come in we started being enemies
13:56 and we didn't wanted to be enemies.
13:58 I mean I love my wife, she loves me
14:00 but we'd start going to our corners and
14:04 when we realized that we can be allies against
14:06 the common foul it's the Devil
14:09 and the selfishness that is so nit to the Devil
14:12 that comes out of us.
14:14 The Devil is our enemy! Self is our enemy!
14:16 And so we aren't enemies together!
14:18 So, when we started agreeing that
14:20 we're gonna be allies together
14:22 what a difference it made!
14:23 We're allies now!
14:25 We're not enemies!
14:26 And so, when we recognized this happening
14:28 we're gonna work together
14:30 through this and against our common foul
14:33 with the Lord.
14:35 So,
14:36 we need to talk about some more communication breakers
14:38 but we'll be back
14:39 in just a moment after we take this break!
14:41 So stay with us!
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15:19 Welcome back!
15:20 As we were talking about
15:22 communication breakers.
15:24 And I'm sure you've been able to relate to these.
15:26 Maybe they don't all affect you but
15:28 they've all affected us and
15:29 the one that I wanna talk about next,
15:31 the fourth communication breaker
15:34 it's one that really broke the communication
15:37 in our early marriage. Didn't it dear?
15:39 Yes!
15:41 I call it "driving on ice".
15:43 It goes something like this:
15:48 I'm looking straight ahead.
15:50 I don't turn to look at my wife.
15:52 I am really acting like
15:55 I've got to concentrate on my driving.
15:56 And we have met so many couples,
15:59 now it may sound funny,
16:00 but we have met so many people
16:02 that struggle with this.
16:03 The husband acts like he's got nothing to say.
16:07 He's got to concentrate on his driving
16:09 he's looking straight ahead,
16:11 and he's wife is just
16:13 left there in the car.
16:14 How does that make you feel?
16:16 Lonely!
16:18 It was a tough area for us at the beginning
16:21 because we were used to talking about everything
16:23 - Yes! - and freely,
16:25 and anytime.
16:26 And now we had all this half hour to work
16:29 or 45 minutes to and from work every day.
16:33 And first: you weren't a morning person,
16:35 then you had to drive intensely going home,
16:38 even if it wasn't winter and there was no ice.
16:41 It was like you were just
16:43 stow right there, you know, behind the wheel.
16:45 You know, and I would try to talk and share
16:47 but it's like you weren't really hearing
16:48 or not interested.
16:49 You know, what really upset you
16:51 I remember the day,
16:53 and husbands tune in to this if you have this problem
16:55 because I remember the day that
16:57 one of my buddies road with me in the car
17:01 and my wife
17:02 being gracious
17:03 took the back seat.
17:06 What to my driving on ice then dear?
17:10 You were like you were on a tropical island
17:11 with no pressures at all, like you had so much to say.
17:16 And your head turned so many times
17:18 to your buddy sitting next to you.
17:20 And I thought:
17:21 "What's wrong with me?"
17:22 It was terrible, wasn't it?
17:23 It was pretty hurtful.
17:24 Well, these silences
17:27 they're not silences that are golden
17:30 they're silences of self.
17:32 And it's interesting
17:34 we spend a lot of time in airports as we travel
17:37 and we've made some very interesting observations.
17:40 We could probably go around
17:44 in the airport, just randomly,
17:45 go around and tell you
17:48 where the married couples were
17:50 and where the friends are.
17:53 Or where the married couples are
17:54 and where the ones in a dating relationship are.
17:58 It is very interesting because
18:00 many of the married couples
18:02 are no longer communicating.
18:05 They've got their newspaper,
18:06 their book, they've got whatever they're doing
18:09 or they're sitting with a blank stare on their face
18:11 or watching the television
18:13 because they're not communicating.
18:15 Their communication is broken.
18:17 Isn't that true?
18:18 Yes! I mean everywhere you go you see it.
18:20 In fact I remember getting on the airplane once
18:22 and the flight attendant said:
18:24 "Are you newlyweds?"
18:25 I said: "No!"
18:27 She said:
18:28 "Well,!" You know I asked her: "Why?"
18:29 "Well, because you guys look like you love each other"
18:31 "So, well we do! We're husband and wife!
18:32 I mean we've been married for years!"
18:35 And then the same flight attendant,
18:37 a few weeks later,
18:38 thought maybe I was pregnant because
18:39 I was so happy just
18:41 talking to my husband. I mean isn't that normal?
18:44 But it's not really normal.
18:46 - And that's the said part! - It is!
18:47 And we wanna break that cycle!
18:49 - That's right! - That fatal cycle!
18:50 And silence needs to be broken!
18:52 We need to learn how to communicate
18:54 even if it's a little uncomfortable.
18:56 That's right!
18:57 So the next area that we wanna talk about
19:00 is similar to that,
19:01 another communication breaker.
19:03 And that's called "sleep".
19:05 Now we all need sleep!
19:07 Everyone of us do!
19:08 But sometimes
19:10 when we go to bed
19:11 you and I like to talk.
19:13 Oh, that's a great talk time!
19:14 It's a great talk time
19:15 and I think many couples like that
19:18 but if one of the spouses
19:22 begins to snore
19:23 within the first few minutes
19:25 it can be a serious communication breaker.
19:28 Honey do I snore?
19:31 Yes! You do snore!
19:32 So that sounds like I'm the culprit in this.
19:34 Well I've fallen asleep on you too.
19:36 And it's not that it's wrong, - That's sure!
19:37 - but we have,
19:39 in our home we've decided that
19:41 if we are tired
19:43 and we sense that we're starting
19:45 to drift off and asleep
19:46 when our spouse is telling us something
19:48 that's important to them
19:50 that we will say something like this:
19:52 "I'm sorry, I'm dozy" or "I'm getting tired"
19:55 "Can we set a time to talk about it tomorrow?"
19:57 "Don't take it personally!"
19:58 "Don't take it personally!"
20:00 So,
20:01 if we don't
20:03 if we don't have that kind of communication
20:06 just to keep falling asleep night after night, after night,
20:09 after night, after night!
20:10 The other one feels like:
20:12 "I'm not being cared for.
20:13 He doesn't really care for me. He doesn't really..
20:16 He's not really interested. Does he really love me?
20:18 And it leads into questions
20:21 that should never be being raised in a marriage.
20:24 That's right!
20:26 So, that's a communication breaker!
20:27 It is! Well,
20:30 the sixth area that we wanna talk about
20:33 is "laughter and tears".
20:35 Now before you jump to any conclusions
20:39 you know laughter in and of itself
20:41 is not a communication breaker.
20:43 We enjoy good hearty laughter
20:46 in our marriage and in our home.
20:47 Yes! And we have it fairly, regularly.
20:50 And shedding tears,
20:51 there's nothing wrong with shedding tears.
20:53 I know, there are a lot of men
20:54 that had been raised with this idea that
20:55 it's not ok that to have tears or to show emotion.
20:59 That's an improper thought, but
21:01 listen as we talk about how
21:04 that affects in the wrong way.
21:06 Do you remember?
21:08 In the early part of our marriage we
21:09 learned a lot of tough lessons
21:11 in the first part of our marriage. And I'm thankful
21:12 that we learned them, now, because our love
21:15 was enduring love!
21:16 That's right! Because we did love each other!
21:19 Even though we were finding these struggles.
21:21 It's what brought us through that!
21:22 Yes!
21:24 That's right!
21:25 You used to laugh
21:26 at what I considered some of the most
21:28 inappropriate times.
21:31 You remember that? - Oh yes!
21:34 And sometimes my laughter
21:37 broke communication
21:38 because it was upsetting to you.
21:40 And it wasn't, because I wasn't caring
21:42 but sometimes
21:45 it wasn't appropriate for me to laugh.
21:47 I remember asking you one time, so
21:50 "What do I have to do? Cut my hand off?
21:53 And then you won't laugh!?"
21:57 Sometimes is just how circumstances strike you.
22:01 And so I have to be sensitive
22:02 that I just don't start laughing at the circumstances
22:05 that happened that caused you pain.
22:07 Now, it didn't take me long to realize that
22:09 you weren't really laughing at me but that's
22:12 you know, it was pretty hard to separate that at first.
22:14 - Yes. And now you - It's like: Oh it's that funny?
22:15 that I just smashed my finger!?" Right?
22:18 And now you've learned to laugh
22:20 and we've learned to laugh together.
22:21 And so you can laugh when I fall down on the ice as well.
22:24 But
22:25 what is the other aspect that I had
22:27 and this was the problem that I had,
22:29 is sometimes I would laugh when
22:31 things weren't funny. I mean not those kind of things, but
22:34 - The pressure! - When we.. The pressure,
22:36 stress, under stress, not knowing how to respond.
22:39 You know, we could be in a difficult situation
22:42 and I would just break out laughing.
22:44 I never understood that!
22:46 At least for a while!
22:47 It was a stress relief but it didn't relive the stress
22:50 because
22:51 you know, it only made you more upset.
22:53 "So how could you laugh at this?"
22:54 - Yes! "- This isn't funny!"
22:57 So, laughter is good in a marriage!
22:59 But it has to be understood
23:02 in how is used. Laugh with someone and not at them.
23:05 Yes! And
23:06 aren't you glad we're not in those kind of stressful
23:09 situations in our marriage anymore?
23:11 - Oh yes! - Isn't that a blessing?
23:12 - It is a blessing!
23:13 And that what we wanna encourage you with.
23:15 You can really have a marriage that's heart to heart
23:19 with God
23:20 and the one that you love!
23:22 Now, what about the tears?
23:24 You know, tears can be a communication breaker too.
23:27 Now, they don't need to be!
23:29 But definitely we have found that
23:30 tears do affect
23:33 the communication.
23:35 Because
23:36 again in our early
23:38 our early marriage
23:39 there were times that your tears
23:42 really made me feel guilty!
23:45 Ok?
23:46 And because I really didn't understand that
23:49 that full surrender and I didn't understand how to
23:52 be kept by the Grace of God
23:53 in that situations in our marriage
23:56 that guilt would still have an impact on my communication.
23:59 And so,
24:00 that would cause me to change my direction of,
24:03 you know,
24:05 conversation.
24:06 But I wasn't really, I wasn't really dealing with my heart
24:09 but those tears
24:11 and you know, you've heard of
24:12 women, I haven't heard of any men doing this,
24:14 but you've heard of the women that
24:15 - you know, - if they get pulled over
24:17 they will try the tears routine.
24:19 And it doesn't always work! Does it?
24:21 But it often does have it's effect
24:24 and it's not the right kind of effect.
24:26 So if tears are shed
24:28 to try to create that effect that's a wrong motivation.
24:32 - They kindle a response. - That's right!
24:34 And
24:35 you know, it may cut communication,
24:37 it may bring on guilt,
24:38 it may be: "Here we go again!"
24:41 "We're gonna go down this old track again!"
24:44 Or
24:45 it may bring on:
24:46 "I'm just gonna let her do it! I'm gonna
24:48 just.. It doesn't matter!
24:49 I just wanna have peace! I don't wanna have this..!"
24:51 And so,
24:52 it's a wrong solution!
24:55 Tears should not be used
24:57 as a means to get what someone wants!
24:59 Because that breaks communication.
25:01 We need to resolve and solve our problems
25:04 without the tears
25:05 - That's right!
25:06 - for the real solution.
25:07 Well,
25:08 the last area that we wanna talk about,
25:10 and again, we could talk about
25:11 many communication breakers,
25:13 and you need to decide what it is in your
25:15 marriage that's breaking communication but
25:18 jesting, joking and foolishness
25:22 this was also a part of our early marriage.
25:24 And these little foolish witticisms and
25:27 you know, one-upmanship
25:29 and I'll make a dig on you
25:31 and you come back with one better on me,
25:34 Isn't that destructive
25:36 to communication? Really?
25:37 It is! Because it's always degrading someone else
25:41 or putting them down
25:42 in order to get somebody to laugh
25:43 or to put ourselves up.
25:45 Somebody is always at the expense
25:46 of those kind of comments.
25:49 They're very destructive!
25:50 Ephesians 5 verse 4 says:
25:53 "Neither filthiness,
25:54 nor jesting
25:56 which are not convenient:
25:57 but learning to walk in love. "
26:01 That's the other side, that's the 1 Corinthians
26:03 they've been talking about
26:04 learning to walk in love.
26:06 You know, many people
26:08 and we've seen this
26:09 over and over again,
26:10 they get into this kind of superficial
26:13 what I call it is "filler conversation".
26:16 And I used to do a lot of it,
26:18 you know, and before we were married.
26:21 But it's "filler conversation", it's
26:23 filling in blanks and it's really what it's saying is
26:26 "I can't talk to you deeply.
26:30 And so, I'm gonna fill in spaces. "
26:32 And it's not right! And what ends up happening
26:34 we've dealt with and ministered to many couples.
26:36 who have gotten so shell in their communication,
26:38 that they had nothing
26:40 that they can't talk about any of the real issues.
26:42 So,
26:43 we need to get this out of our communication
26:46 and move to the personal challenge for the people.
26:48 You wanna share a little bit of their personal challenge
26:50 with them right now?
26:53 Identify your weak areas
26:56 and look for a way to resolve it.
26:57 Make those commitments,
26:59 the changes that you're gonna do in your family
27:01 and your relationship
27:02 to have a marriage that's heart to heart.
27:05 Well, let's pray that that commitment can be made
27:07 in the Lord.
27:09 Father in Heaven
27:10 we need You for every commitment and
27:13 if we're making commitments
27:14 about the things that break communication
27:16 we need Your Grace! Help us to be able to identify
27:18 those things,
27:20 and to be able to move forward
27:21 with a marriage that's truly heart to heart.
27:23 In Jesus name Amen!
27:26 We hope you'll join us next time
27:29 as we talk about
27:30 honesty and integrity.
27:32 Oh, what an important part of a marriage
27:35 that's gonna be truly heart to heart,
27:38 heart to heart with our Lord and Savior
27:41 and heart to heart with the girl we love.
28:25 Captioning and translations by
28:28 Christian Media Services www. chms. ro


Revised 2014-12-17