Participants:
Series Code: LAC
Program Code: LAC180001A
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00:01 Corey ten Boom often said that there was no pit so deep
00:04 that God was not deeper still. 00:06 Corey suffered terribly during World War 2 in the 00:10 Concentration Camps due to the cruelty of others. 00:13 But even there, she was able to feel God's presence, 00:16 but what if the suffering we endure isn't because of 00:20 someone else? Maybe it's because of our own choice, 00:23 maybe a choice of abortion. 00:25 Can God's presence be felt even there? 00:28 Yes indeed! God promises us a life after choice. 00:33 I want you to join us now for the series, Life After Choice. 00:58 You know every day we make choices, some good and some 01:01 not so good and often those choices impact not only impact 01:05 our life, but the life of someone else. 01:08 The decisions we make, can make such a difference in the life 01:14 of someone else. And I can speak for that because 01:18 when I was young and not married yet, 01:20 I became pregnant and I made a choice that impacted the 01:25 rest of my life. 01:27 I made a choice to abort my pregnancy. I called my fiancé, 01:34 don't even remember what I said, but he supported me. 01:39 He came up and he was there with me and he paid for it. 01:42 I had had a series of x-rays on my back for work 01:47 and I called all of the physicians in the area 01:49 I could think of, asking them what they would do, 01:52 or would want me to do if I was their wife 01:54 and they all encouraged me, have an abortion. 01:58 So I called the local Abortion Clinic, I found out how far 02:02 along I had to be, how much it cost and I set a date. 02:06 The day of my appointment, I had to see a counselor. 02:10 The counselor was sympathetic, she wasn't a Christian 02:16 and she assured me at that time it was only a fuzz ball, 02:19 just a little fuzz ball, I had nothing to worry about. 02:22 Well I was a nurse and I had taken plenty of Anatomy and 02:26 Physiology and I could have questioned that, but I didn't. 02:30 I was afraid my life was a blur and I was panicking. 02:37 The procedure was a nightmare, the waiting room was cold 02:44 there was no talking, everyone seemed to be in their own 02:49 little world and I can understand why now. 02:52 They took me back and I was shaking and I was afraid 02:56 and I started crying. 02:58 The physician came up to me and he held me 03:01 and it comforted me, he was so nice, I remember that 03:06 very well. But the procedure, the pain was so bad 03:11 I passed out. It was terrible. 03:15 I remember getting to the Recovery Room but then in the 03:19 Recovery Room, I passed out again. 03:20 The same doctor, the one that was nice to me in the beginning, 03:25 now became very irritable with me. 03:28 I was holding his schedule up, he had an agenda. 03:32 Making that choice impacted the rest of my life. 03:38 I had no clue what would happen to me, my marriage, 03:44 my family, my relationships, everything was affected by it. 03:48 I was clueless. For many years I resented my husband 03:54 for not supporting me, but he was clueless too. 03:58 It wasn't fair for me to hold it against him, 04:01 we both were blind. 04:03 Well after we got married, I was convinced I was no good, 04:08 I had failed at life and I could never become a fit mother. 04:13 So when I became pregnant the second time, 04:16 I had a second abortion. 04:19 I hated myself, I hated everything about me, 04:24 there was to be nothing lovely anymore about me 04:27 and I was constantly punishing myself. 04:30 One night I got up in the middle of...well, in the night 04:35 went to the bathroom and got a pair of scissors 04:39 and I cut all my hair off, really short. 04:43 Other nights I would go in there and sit on the toilet 04:48 with a razor and I would run that razor up the inside of my 04:51 arm. It was like I needed to feel that pain 04:54 to still feel alive. You see I had so much pain on the inside, 05:01 but on the outside, I was just existing, I was numb. 05:05 I also started bulimic... became bulimic about that time 05:12 where I would stuff food, I would stuff food down my throat 05:17 until I couldn't swallow any more. 05:19 I would stuff it down until it would all just come back up. 05:27 A purge. What I needed was a spiritual purge. 05:32 What I needed was to give all of this pain and regret 05:36 to the Lord. Free it all up and let my Redeemer save me 05:41 and give me the peace that I needed. 05:43 Give me the forgiveness that I needed. 05:47 Well, I did reach out for help in the early days. 05:54 On the Christian Radio I heard a 1-800 number advertised 05:59 and they were talking about if you are post-abortive 06:03 to call this number for help. 06:06 Well I called the number. I remember it well because 06:10 even though I was at home alone, I went to the wash room closet 06:13 by myself and I told her my story, I made myself venerable 06:20 to this woman that was supposed to be helping me. 06:24 The first thing out of her mouth was...Well, you know abortion 06:29 is murder now don't you? 06:31 There was no grace, no mercy. I hung up the phone, 06:36 I wanted to just vomit. 06:39 Now it wasn't too long after that that my husband and I, 06:43 we were invited to go to church with some friends of ours 06:46 from work. So the following Sunday we visited their church, 06:51 now this pastor was very loud and animated. 06:54 He ranted and raved and wouldn't you know it, 06:59 the subject he talked about was on abortion. 07:02 Well, he got louder and louder and finally he proclaimed 07:08 without a doubt, that the Lord would not and could not 07:13 forgive a woman who had an abortion. 07:16 I sat there in the pew and just died a little more inside. 07:25 He confirmed everything I felt about myself. 07:30 There was no hope. Life became just an existence for me. 07:37 I spent money we didn't have, I hid food everywhere. 07:44 I was on a survival plan. 07:46 Well years passed and as life goes, no one knows what you are 07:53 going through. We did finally start our family 07:56 and it all caught up with me when my oldest was 08:00 three years old and my twins were six months. 08:05 My marriage was falling apart, my sister told me I should go 08:12 see an acquaintance of hers, a Christian woman. 08:15 I did and she was very kind to me, non-condemning 08:22 and I trusted her and I opened up to her that night 08:26 after several years of not talking about my abortion. 08:29 I told her what I had done, well she took it very serious 08:36 but she wasn't condemning and she didn't shame me. 08:41 She encouraged me to confess that sin, 08:45 to give it to the Lord, repent of it. 08:48 Well I was pretty broken by then, so she helped me pray 08:52 and I'll never forget it because I knelt down beside her 08:57 that night and I asked the Lord to forgive me for the sins of 09:02 abortion, not just one but two. 09:05 It did make a difference in my life, in fact that night at my 09:10 sister's apartment, I felt the Lord come over me like 09:14 nothing before. 09:15 He healed me of my bulimia, that's a big deal. 09:20 That assurance gave me the courage to press on. 09:25 A lot of women who confess the sin of abortion will still feel 09:32 miserable and often-times they will question that. 09:35 They'll say, am I not forgiven because I still feel 09:39 so miserable? No, that's not it at all. 09:42 You see sin comes with consequences and unless those 09:48 consequences are dealt with, you will continue to feel pain. 09:52 It was several years before I realized this and I survived 09:58 a very lonely, unhappy life. 10:00 Even though I loved my children and I had them dedicated 10:06 to the Lord, I wanted to live a Christian life. 10:10 I wanted the Lord to be everything. 10:12 Many, many a night I would say Lord just hold on to me, 10:16 just hold on to me. 10:19 Well it was 20 years past and I was at a 10:25 Generation of Youth for Christ meeting, GYC 10:29 and there was a booth there at that particular meeting 10:31 that I had never before and it was run by a young lady 10:35 named Antoinette Duck, she had recently come into the church 10:40 and she had a burden for the issue of abortion, 10:44 she was there to break the silence and the Lord used her 10:51 to make a difference in my life like no one else had ever done. 10:55 She told me her story and as I was listening to her story, 11:01 I realized that if I had not had my first abortion, 11:05 my first child would have been close to her age. 11:08 At her booth, she had pictures of babies at different ages 11:13 in gestation and I saw what my baby looked like 11:17 when I had him aborted, they weren't mangled pictures, 11:23 they were beautiful little pictures. 11:25 A sternum, ribs, arms and legs, not a fuzz ball like 11:31 the counselor had told me. 11:33 Well I left GYC that year crying, but also realizing 11:41 there was more needed to be addressed in my life 11:44 and I started doing research on post-abortion recovery. 11:49 I found a program called Rachael's Vineyard. 11:55 Made me a nervous wreck to actually go somewhere and 12:01 actually deal with this issue that had been tucked away 12:04 for so many years but I did. I made the plans to go there 12:11 for the weekend. The week before I was just as afraid 12:15 of attending that retreat as I was for my first abortion. 12:20 I was shaking, the enemy did not want me to experience 12:30 the redemption and the restoration that was available 12:33 to me at that retreat. 12:34 Well I went and it was beautiful. 12:38 I had shed tears of regret over what I had done 12:45 when I confessed my sin. But at the retreat I was 12:49 given the opportunity to shed tears of grief, 12:53 tears of grief for what I had lost and it made all the 13:01 difference. I was finally able to take my babies 13:05 out of that sea of statistics and claim them for my own. 13:10 They were now a part of me and my family. 13:14 I have a scar, I will always have a scar, 13:19 but there will no longer be and empty hole. 13:22 You know, I dug my own pit trying to deal with my issue 13:32 and I fell into that pit. 13:35 Corey ten Boom often said, there was no pit so deep 13:43 that God is not deeper still. 13:45 She suffered terribly during World War 2 because of the 13:50 cruelty of others, but even there she felt God's presence. 13:53 Well even if the sufferings we endure are due to our own 13:58 choices, we can still feel God's presence there, 14:03 He's not going to abandon us. 14:07 When King David found himself at the bottom of a pit, 14:10 he wrote this in chapter 40 of Psalms. 14:16 He said "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me 14:20 and He turned and heard my cry and He lifted me out of 14:24 that pit of despair." 14:26 I want to encourage you to give the Lord an opportunity 14:32 to lift you out of your pit. He will do it. 14:40 Allow Him to do that. |
Revised 2019-01-15