Participants:
Series Code: IIWC
Program Code: IIWC202001S
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00:42 >> Thank you for joining us on
00:43 It Is Written Canada. 00:45 You know, for some of us there 00:46 are stories-- hidden stories 00:49 that we cannot speak about and 00:51 ironically, we can't stop 00:52 thinking about them. 00:53 Like how do you move forward 00:56 when the people you trusted 00:57 failed you. 00:59 Reema Sukamaran is here 01:00 with us today. 01:01 She is the mother of six. 01:03 She is also an author and a 01:04 speaker and she has a 01:05 riveting story. 01:06 Her husband, Sanj, is a doctor 01:08 of audiology and he's also a 01:10 professional musician and both 01:13 of them have come to join us 01:13 today here at 01:14 It Is Written Canada. 01:15 So, Sanj and Reema, I'd like to 01:18 welcome you here and we would 01:21 like to talk to you and share 01:23 your story with others. 01:25 >> Yes, welcome, Reema and Sanj. 01:27 >> Thank you. 01:28 >> So, Reema, to start off with, 01:29 I have a question for you. 01:31 So every little girl has a dream 01:34 of what her life is going to be 01:36 like one day when she grows up. 01:37 So can you share your dreams 01:40 that you had as a little girl? 01:42 >> Ever since I was a little 01:44 girl I had dreamed of a happy 01:45 family. 01:46 In my family my husband was 01:48 hard-working, he brought home a 01:50 great pay check and I was a 01:51 stay-at-home mom with a whole 01:52 bunch of kids and I always had 01:55 this vision of us travelling 01:56 around the country in an RV and 01:59 it was a family that was full of 02:01 a lot of joy. 02:03 And I think I had that dream 02:06 because my reality was very 02:07 different. 02:09 >> Can you tell us about your 02:11 reality and why it was so 02:12 different? 02:13 >> So my mom and dad immigrated 02:15 from India to Canada and my mom 02:18 was a nurse and my dad was a 02:20 colporteur and from very early 02:23 in their marriage, my dad was 02:25 very abusive to my mom. 02:26 He was very physically, 02:27 emotionally, spiritually abusive 02:30 to her and that abuse carried 02:31 out into our family and to the 02:35 children as they had myself and 02:38 my two brothers. 02:40 And so our home was a place that 02:41 we feared. 02:43 Now at the same time, I don't 02:44 think that we really realized 02:45 that this wasn't the norm. 02:46 This is what we grew up with 02:48 and, you know, you have secrets 02:50 and so you don't really talk 02:52 about it past our four walls. 02:56 >> So what was happening within 02:58 your home? 02:59 Did you have a relationship with 03:01 Jesus? 03:03 Was it a Christian home? 03:04 What was happening? 03:06 >> So we were a Christian home 03:08 but we were also a very 03:10 religious home and I've learned 03:11 as an adult that there's quite a 03:12 difference between being 03:13 spiritual and being religious. 03:15 My dad was very religious and 03:18 we had morning and evening 03:19 worship, we memorized 03:21 memory verses and at the 03:24 same time I had a very 03:26 close relationship with Jesus. 03:27 He was my invisible friend and 03:30 He was someone I could talk to. 03:33 Whenever things were bad 03:35 I always would pray, "Jesus 03:36 OK, after this beating, can we 03:38 now be a happy family?" 03:39 >> After this beating? 03:40 >> After this beating. Yeah. 03:42 >> That is so sad! 03:44 >> So, Reema, how did you break 03:47 free from this childhood home 03:49 this awful experience that you 03:51 were having? 03:52 >> At some point I realized that 03:54 I had to leave home to break 03:56 free of that. 03:57 My parents-- we left Canada and 03:59 we moved to Florida. 04:00 We lived there for three years 04:01 and our time in Florida was a 04:03 really happy time for me. 04:04 The abuse was going one, but 04:06 probably not to the extent that 04:09 it would later on in life. 04:11 And after Florida, we moved to 04:13 the Midwest and it was at this 04:17 time that my dad became very 04:18 volatile, more so with us as 04:21 well as my mom. 04:22 He never really hit us as much 04:24 as my mom earlier on, but in 04:25 high school it started. 04:27 We moved to the Midwest and we 04:29 lived in a city where everyone 04:31 was predominantly white and 04:33 upper-middle class and it was 04:35 very clique-ish and the families 04:36 and the students in our 04:38 high school-- it was very hard to 04:39 fit in. 04:41 For me, high school was a 04:42 nightmare. 04:44 If I had a superpower at that 04:45 time it would have been to be 04:46 invisible. 04:47 We kind of-- 04:48 I felt like I was watching from 04:51 this wall, watching everyone 04:53 live a normal life and meanwhile 04:54 our life at home our life was a 04:56 living nightmare. 04:57 My dad became very, very abusive 05:00 to the children as well as my 05:01 mom. 05:03 I kind of realized at some point 05:05 that my little happy family 05:07 wasn't going to be a reality. 05:09 For that to happen, my father 05:11 would have had to take some 05:13 blame and sought help. 05:15 So my escape was leaving for 05:16 university. 05:17 I was very excited about 05:19 leaving, but at the same time I 05:21 was very scared because I had 05:22 never been away from home 05:23 that long. 05:25 My two younger brothers and I 05:26 had a very close relationship 05:28 and so leaving them behind was 05:31 very, very hard for me to do 05:33 because I was worried about who 05:34 was going to protect them 05:35 and my mom. 05:36 >> You protect them, you're the 05:37 older sister, now you're going 05:38 off to university, what's going 05:40 to happen to my brothers? 05:41 >> Yes. 05:42 So I went away to university and 05:45 it was OK for my brothers in the 05:47 sense that they grew in stature 05:51 and so they outgrew my dad and 05:54 so my dad wasn't very physical 05:56 with them at this point, but 05:57 very emotionally abusive. 06:00 And my mom, you know, she found 06:03 work as her escape. 06:04 She was a nurse and she worked a 06:06 lot of hours, partly because my 06:08 father didn't work. 06:09 He chose to work on and off when 06:11 the feeling hit him and so my 06:13 mom was the sole provider. 06:15 When I went away to university, 06:17 I entered this whole new world 06:19 and it was just an exciting time 06:22 in life, you know. 06:23 I found that I could fit in, 06:25 there were other people like me. 06:27 It didn't matter how much money 06:29 my parents had, what their job 06:31 was, it didn't matter about how 06:34 good my grades were. 06:36 They didn't know anything about 06:37 me and I found a very loving, 06:39 accepting group of friends. 06:41 >> That's wonderful! 06:42 And is that the university that 06:43 you were at, Sanj? 06:45 >> It actually is. 06:46 [laughter] 06:48 >> So that's where you first got 06:49 acquainted with each other, 06:51 right? 06:52 >>Yeah, we became friends at the 06:54 university and maintained a 06:55 friendship for many years to 06:56 come. 06:57 >> Oh, wow! OK. 06:59 >> Did you start dating right 06:59 away? 07:01 >> So that's a funny story. 07:02 [laughter] 07:04 >> You mean us? Or just dating? 07:05 [laughter] 07:06 >> Are you talking about us? 07:07 >> Yes. You two. 07:08 >> So my freshman year I 07:10 actually saw Sanj in a hallway 07:12 and I said "Hi" to him, but he 07:13 says he didn't remember that 07:15 so I thought he was really 07:16 snotty and just kind of brushed 07:17 him aside. 07:19 But there were a lot of other 07:20 ethnicities on campus so that 07:22 was exciting for me coming from 07:24 a predominantly white town where 07:27 we did not fit in, you know. 07:29 So no, we did not start dating 07:31 then, but a friendship started 07:32 while we were in university and 07:34 it grew, yeah. 07:35 >> That's wonderful. 07:37 >> We're still friends. 07:38 [laughter] 07:41 >> So how did you move forward 07:42 after university? 07:44 >> So in university I took 07:46 Education and I had changed my 07:48 major at some point in the 07:50 middle so I still had to do one 07:51 more semester which was my 07:53 student teaching and I chose to 07:55 go home to do that. 07:57 My youngest brother was in high 07:58 school and despite home being a 08:01 place of abuse, it was still 08:01 home. 08:02 It's all you knew-- 08:03 It's all I knew. 08:04 And so, you know, it's still a 08:06 place that was safe to me. 08:09 I chose to go home and I student 08:12 taught actually at the same 08:14 school that I went to. 08:17 It was an interesting choice 08:19 because the elementary school 08:20 was nothing that I had been a 08:22 part of and the high school was 08:25 very much the same, but it was 08:26 not a part of where I was going 08:28 to be so it was OK. 08:29 I loved student teaching. 08:31 I loved the teacher that I 08:32 worked under and on the weekends 08:34 I often hung out with my 08:35 youngest brother. 08:37 He had a much different 08:38 experience than me. 08:39 He was social, he was outgoing 08:41 and he just had a great 08:43 group of friends. 08:44 He was very accepted. 08:45 And I choose to go back to the 08:49 same school because it had an 08:50 elementary section. 08:51 I wasn't a part of that and it 08:53 was just a totally different 08:54 environment. 08:56 And so I chose to do my student 08:58 teaching at this school. 09:00 My brother was part of the S.A. 09:02 S.A. group. 09:03 >> The Student's Association? 09:04 >> The Student's Association, 09:05 yes. 09:06 And he was the student chaplain. 09:09 I went through Christian 09:11 schooling my whole entire school 09:13 so elementary to university I 09:15 went to Christian schools, so-- 09:17 He was a student chaplain and 09:19 the chaplain at this school was 09:21 someone that was loved by 09:21 everybody. 09:22 He was just this kind, loving 09:23 man. 09:25 He seemed to just have Jesus 09:27 shining through him and my 09:30 brother just adored him. 09:31 >>So he was your brother's 09:32 mentor. 09:33 >>Yes. 09:34 He was my brother's mentor. 09:34 Actually, he was both my 09:36 brothers' mentor, my first and 09:38 second brothers because they 09:39 were both in high school at the 09:39 same time. 09:40 And he-- 09:42 My brothers had confided in him 09:43 so he kind of knew what was 09:44 going on with the family and he 09:47 just knew how to embrace them 09:50 and the last year-- so my second 09:51 brother went to university and 09:53 the last year my youngest 09:54 brother was there, that's when I 09:57 did my student teaching so we 09:58 hung out a lot. 10:00 I helped my brother and his 10:01 friends and Pastor do evening 10:04 programs, do vespers, do youth 10:07 rallies and I had a lot of time 10:09 on my hands so it was great. 10:11 He had a young son. 10:12 His son was about 10:13 three years old. 10:14 He was happily married with a 10:17 wife that was a nurse and she 10:19 worked 3:00 to 11:00 and so she 10:21 was never around and he would 10:22 bring his son to the school and 10:25 a lot of kids loved watching his 10:26 son and I was one of those 10:28 people that helped with his son. 10:30 >> So he in actual fact became a 10:32 spiritual mentor to you, too. 10:34 >> Yes. 10:35 >> And this was the same one 10:36 that your brother was working 10:38 very closely with, the chaplain 10:40 of the school. 10:41 >> Yes. 10:42 >> So he really took your family 10:44 under his wings and under his 10:46 care, right? 10:47 >> He did. 10:48 Our family really trusted him, 10:49 even my mom. 10:51 She really trusted him and so 10:54 he was able to draw me in, 10:57 realizing that I had broken up 10:59 in a relationship at university, 11:01 not Sanj, but someone before him 11:03 and I was heart-broken and he 11:05 just knew how to 11:06 be there for me. 11:07 You know, I didn't have a father 11:10 my whole life and he just kind 11:12 of seemed like this loving, kind 11:15 man, someone I would have loved 11:16 to have been my father. 11:18 You know, growing up I always 11:19 looked at pastors and teachers 11:21 as these amazing, godly men and 11:24 always wished my dad had been 11:27 a dad like that. 11:28 So they were people that I 11:29 looked up to. 11:31 And so he was able to just be 11:34 there for me and I trusted him. 11:38 Eventually, with time, I just 11:41 started feeling a little uneasy 11:43 because he started saying 11:44 little things-- 11:45 Now he was very affectionate 11:46 with all the kids in school. 11:48 He was affectionately known as 11:50 "Pastor," no one called him by 11:51 his name; the staff, 11:52 the teachers. 11:53 He was known as "Pastor." 11:55 It wasn't uncommon to see 11:57 a girl in his office leaning 11:58 against him. 12:00 He often would kiss girls on the 12:02 cheek-- very physical with them, 12:04 but that seemed to be the norm. 12:08 We came to the point where we 12:10 developed a friendship and I 12:11 felt very comfortable with him. 12:13 He knew all about my parents, 12:15 he knew about my yearning 12:18 for my dad and how much I had 12:19 been hurt by my dad. 12:20 He seemed to understand 12:22 my broken heart and 12:24 I was very lonely at that time 12:26 because all my friends at 12:28 school, we had all moved to 12:29 different parts of the U.S. 12:32 after graduation. 12:35 One day he asked me to 12:37 come and babysit-- 12:38 Actually, his wife asked me to 12:39 come babysit and I went and 12:41 loved their son and, you know, 12:44 babysitting was kind of cool 12:45 because I could kind of and play 12:46 house with the little boy and, 12:48 you know, some of my fantasy 12:49 kind of was playing out there of 12:52 being a mom maybe. 12:54 So I babysat a few times and 12:57 one of the evenings the wife 12:59 asked if I could come babysit 13:00 again and I went over and 13:02 Pastor came home early 13:04 and he was packing for a trip 13:06 and he said, "Why don't you 13:08 come and keep me company. 13:09 Let me put the baby in"-- 13:10 he wasn't a baby, he was 13:11 three, four years old. 13:12 He said, "Let me put him in the 13:13 bathtub and keep me company 13:15 and I'll pay you when 13:16 I'm done." 13:17 And so by this point I had no 13:20 reservations. 13:22 I was very comfortable with him, 13:23 I was just chatting. 13:25 He had his stuff in the guest 13:27 room and so I was sitting on the 13:28 bed there and talking about his 13:29 trip and the next thing I know, 13:32 he was on top of me 13:34 and I was maybe 105 pounds. 13:36 I was very, very tiny. 13:39 And he was on top of me and I 13:41 begged him to stop and I told 13:43 him I was a virgin and that he 13:44 was hurting me. 13:45 And... 13:47 the next thing I know 13:48 I was being raped. 13:51 I have no real memory of how I 13:54 got home that night. 13:56 I know I drove there, but-- 13:58 I know I drove to his place so 14:01 obviously I drove home, but that 14:02 is the only way I know 14:03 I got home. 14:05 I went home and I went into the 14:07 bathroom and sat on the toilet 14:10 and I looked at my panties and 14:11 the tell-tale blood was there. 14:13 I had just lost my virginity. 14:15 I'm not sure how long I sat 14:17 there except my brother came 14:18 banging on the bathroom door 14:19 telling me he needed to use the 14:20 bathroom. 14:21 I went to my bedroom 14:23 and I was standing beside my 14:26 dresser and I knew in my gut 14:27 I should call the police. 14:29 I mean, I was in shock, 14:32 I was angry 14:34 and I should have called 14:35 the police. 14:36 And yet as quickly as I thought 14:38 about calling the police, 14:39 that thought went away. 14:42 There was one time in 14:44 particular, my youngest brother 14:46 had gone to the bathroom and 14:48 he flushed the toilet and 14:49 dropped the toilet seat. 14:51 Most of our kids drop the toilet 14:52 seat, it makes that loud bang. 14:55 My dad came running from the 14:56 kitchen and started screaming to 14:58 my brother and said, "How many 15:00 times have I told you not to 15:02 drop the toilet seat lid? 15:03 I'm going to teach you 15:04 a lesson." 15:05 And he grabbed my brother, 15:06 he locked the bathroom door and 15:08 he started beating my brother. 15:10 And my mom, she went to the 15:14 bathroom and she was trying to 15:15 undo the lock and he said, 15:17 "If you come in here, 15:18 I'm going to kill you." 15:19 And by this time my other 15:21 brother went and got the butter 15:22 knife and my mom unscrewed the 15:23 door and he grabbed her by the 15:25 hair and he started beating her 15:27 with a two-by-four. 15:30 >> So did you call the police? 15:32 >> I called the police, but by 15:33 this time my dad started to calm 15:35 down and the police came in and 15:38 they took their notes, they saw 15:40 my mom's black and blue legs, 15:41 they asked us about what 15:42 happened and the next thing I 15:45 knew was that the police and my 15:46 dad were sitting at the table 15:48 discussing the woes of having 15:50 wives and how hard it was to 15:52 deal with them and marriage and 15:54 just all that. 15:56 >> So this was an experience you 15:57 had as a child. 15:58 >> Yes. 15:59 >> And now after 16:03 you've been abused, 16:04 you've been raped by this 16:06 leader, you now think to 16:08 yourself, "I should call 16:09 the police." 16:10 But then automatically you say, 16:12 "No, I can't because I can't 16:13 trust the police." 16:13 >> Right. 16:14 >> Because of your association 16:15 that you had as a little girl so 16:17 you're like, "No, I"m not going 16:19 to call them because what's the 16:19 use?" Right? 16:20 >> That's right. 16:21 Actually I wasn't a little 16:22 girl when that happened, I was 16:23 actually sixteen when we called 16:26 the police so I was very aware 16:28 of what was happening. 16:29 And as my dad would drive around 16:31 town, he would see this police 16:33 and they would wave to each 16:34 other as they passed each other. 16:36 So for me, I knew the police 16:37 were not to be trusted. 16:39 And... 16:41 I just kept it a secret. 16:42 I didn't tell anyone and it was 16:45 a very lonely, lonely, scary 16:46 time for me. 16:50 >> So how long did you 16:52 keep this in before you even 16:54 told someone? 16:56 >> I would say probably 16:56 a couple of weeks. 16:58 Probably a couple of weeks. 17:00 And I ended up telling 17:03 a couple of girlfriends of mine 17:05 and basically nothing happened. 17:10 We were all at that age where, 17:12 what did you do? 17:13 You know, and I asked them not 17:14 to tell their parents because I 17:16 was scared. 17:17 It was his word against mine 17:19 and what would people say? 17:21 They wouldn't believe him. 17:22 He was loved by our whole 17:23 community. 17:27 Sometimes it's hard to see God 17:28 in this whole thing and I will 17:30 say that I had a little temper 17:32 tantrum with God for a short 17:33 period of time 17:35 of how this could happen because 17:37 I had been a good girl my whole 17:38 entire life. 17:39 I lived by the book. 17:41 Probably from fear of being beat 17:44 by my dad, but at the same time, 17:46 I always did the right thing. 17:50 As God had it, I was able to go 17:52 to Maryland and do one more 17:55 course through the mail until I 17:58 was able to leave the town. 18:01 And I finished my course and 18:04 this pastor still kept in touch 18:05 with me. 18:06 He acted like nothing happened. 18:09 You know, sometimes what people 18:10 don't understand is, why did you 18:12 keep in touch with him? 18:13 But, you know what, after 18:14 something horrific like that 18:15 happens, why not? 18:18 You've lost everything anyway, 18:19 you know, and so I just felt 18:22 like I had nothing to lose. 18:23 Who was going to believe me? 18:24 You know. 18:27 So I moved and I finished my 18:30 course work and in August I went 18:32 back to my university and I was 18:33 going to graduate. 18:35 And Sanj actually ended up 18:38 coming for that weekend, too. 18:41 And I will add here that, as I 18:44 said, I have a very close 18:45 relationship with God and I 18:47 loved Sanj forever. 18:49 Like from my freshman year. 18:50 And I would doodle in my books. 18:52 Instead of studying, I would 18:53 doodle in my books. 18:54 I'd draw little hearts and 18:56 "I love Sanj." 18:57 And, you know, if you read my 18:58 journals, they're so 18:59 embarrassing, but I would 19:00 actually say, "Please, God, 19:02 could I have him? I want him!" 19:04 And you know, I'm sure God was 19:05 just chuckling, you know, it's 19:07 in His time, right? 19:09 And so my graduation weekend 19:11 we got together and we started 19:14 dating and we dated for two 19:16 years and during this time I had 19:19 confided in Sanj before we 19:21 started dating that I was raped 19:23 and it was just one of those 19:24 things like, none of us knew 19:26 what to do, what to say, you 19:28 know, he was there for me, but 19:31 none of us knew what to do 19:31 with that. 19:32 >> It must have been so 19:33 difficult for you, Sanj, 19:35 when you-- 19:36 >> I don't even think it 19:37 registered on me, the depth of 19:39 how horrible it was at that 19:40 time, right? 19:42 Because we were friends at the 19:43 time, it's like, what do I do? 19:44 It's a tough-- 19:46 difficult time in life. 19:47 Your life is so centred around 19:48 those years, right? 19:50 I don't think I understood it 19:53 as I do now, obviously, right? 19:55 >> So you were friends for two 19:58 years and then did you pop the 20:00 question then, Sanj? After-- 20:02 >> So we were friends for many 20:03 years before we were dating. 20:05 And then we dated for two years 20:06 and then, yes, I did pop the 20:08 question. 20:09 [laughter] 20:10 >> And she said, "Yes." 20:11 >> Yes, surprisingly, right? 20:13 [laughter] 20:14 >> So now, this has now taken 20:18 this complication to the next 20:20 level now because now you're 20:22 going to get married and you 20:24 know that this has happened to 20:26 her, right? 20:27 So obviously this is going to 20:28 affect your marriage in some 20:30 way, right? 20:31 >> Yeah, we understood that and, 20:33 you know, before we got married 20:34 we started some pre-marital 20:35 counselling with our church 20:37 pastor who we kind of knew and 20:41 so we actually spoke about it. 20:42 Reema brought it up and said, 20:44 "This is something we probably 20:45 need to deal with before we get 20:46 married." 20:47 Because it was one of those 20:48 things that always underlying, 20:49 but you didn't understand how 20:51 much it was affecting your 20:52 relationship. 20:53 It was there, right? 20:54 And so we felt like before we 20:56 get married, this is something 20:57 we really need to work through 20:58 and deal with. 20:59 We're not going to hide from 21:00 this thing. 21:01 If you know anything about 21:02 this thing. 21:03 hide from anything. 21:04 She confronts everything 21:04 head on. 21:07 So that's kind of what we were 21:08 doing with the pastor 21:08 at the time. 21:09 We were kind of working through 21:10 at the time. 21:11 >> I think the straw that broke 21:12 the camel's back for us was that 21:15 a weekend at church the pastor 21:17 was in the same town talking to 21:21 the students at one of the 21:22 Christian schools by us. 21:24 And I was scared because I 21:26 didn't want to see him and Sanj 21:27 wanted to hurt him which 21:29 probably would have not been 21:30 legal and so it really started 21:32 something between us that we 21:35 knew we needed to seek help 21:36 which is when we went and talked 21:37 to the pastor-- 21:39 our marriage counsellor, 21:40 and I actually went and I shared 21:41 my story with him. 21:42 And he was just appalled. 21:44 He said, "Reema, you have to do 21:46 something about it 21:47 and I will help you." 21:51 No one has ever said that to me 21:53 ever, you know, we lived with-- 21:55 I lived with abuse, 21:56 I lived with a dad that 21:57 was beating me and not one 21:59 person stepped up. 22:01 And our school community did 22:02 know my dad was being very 22:03 abusive to us. 22:05 There was a lot of things that 22:06 were known that nobody-- 22:08 nobody stepped up to. 22:09 So when he said that, 22:13 it really was life-changing for 22:14 me that he cared enough to do 22:16 something about this. 22:18 From that point on what ended 22:19 up happening is he asked me 22:21 to do a recording, 22:23 call the pastor and 22:24 do a recording of him. 22:25 And that was the hardest thing-- 22:28 I think that was the scariest 22:29 thing I've ever done, 22:30 next to this. 22:31 [laughter] 22:33 But it was back in the day so we 22:34 had the tape recorder and we had 22:36 the land line and so-- 22:38 and I was actually living in 22:39 Ottawa by myself and Sanj was 22:42 in Toronto and so we were 22:43 dating long distance. 22:44 I was all alone in my apartment. 22:46 I put the phone there and I kind 22:48 of practised a few times because 22:49 I was so scared he'd know I was 22:50 taping him. 22:52 And I called the pastor and 22:56 you know, as he always was 22:58 he was very charismatic and 22:59 you know, 23:00 "Oh, it's so lovely to hear 23:01 from you," you know. 23:03 And during that time, I said, 23:05 you know, "I'm getting married 23:06 and there's just a few things 23:08 that I really need to resolve 23:10 for myself and I need to ask you 23:12 a few things." 23:14 My biggest regret in that 23:16 conversation is I wish I had 23:18 called him out on raping me 23:19 but what I said to to him was 23:21 "You took my virginity away 23:23 without my consent." 23:26 In the recording, which was 23:27 probably about fifteen minutes 23:29 he never once denied it. 23:31 We talked about a lot of things 23:33 but he never once denied 23:36 raping me. 23:38 As we ended the conversation 23:40 we took the tape back to our 23:42 pastor-- to our counsellor 23:45 and he called the school 23:47 that the pastor was working at 23:49 and he let them kn 23:50 that this is what happened. 23:52 Pastor denied it of course and 23:53 then when they said there was a 23:55 tape recording, he immediately 23:57 confessed and he said 24:00 "What would they like?" 24:01 And so at this point, being 24:02 young and naive in our early 24:04 20's and 30's, we didn't know 24:05 what to ask. 24:07 So we asked that he turn in his 24:09 ministerial license and not be 24:12 allowed in our church 24:14 system anymore. 24:16 >> And that he wouldn't 24:17 contact you. 24:18 >> That's right. And he wouldn't 24:19 contact me. 24:20 And so he did do that 24:23 but the interesting thing is 24:25 that he asked if he could write 24:29 a letter to the school community 24:31 and in the letter he wrote that 24:34 around this time that his mom 24:35 had died and a young lady had 24:37 come into his life and taken 24:38 advantage of him. 24:41 And so he made a mistake and he 24:43 had to deal with the 24:44 consequences so he was 24:45 going to resign. 24:47 Not only did he resign, but the 24:49 principal, who was one of his 24:50 closest friends, wrote him a 24:52 glowing recommendation 24:55 so he was able to move on. 24:57 >> So, Reema, you know the 24:58 difference today that there is a 25:00 difference between one man and 25:02 another man, between one pastor 25:03 and another pastor, between one 25:04 police officer and another 25:05 police officer 25:07 and the church: how do you 25:09 relate to your church today and 25:11 what has it helped you to do in 25:13 relating to others who are 25:15 victims of abuse? 25:17 >> Well, after this happened 25:19 I begged God to somehow use 25:22 this pain because I felt like 25:23 if He was using my pain 25:25 that pain would have not 25:25 been wasted. 25:26 And I know this has happened to 25:28 many people and that I could 25:30 help them with God's power. 25:33 But 25 years went by and 25:36 you know, I didn't understand 25:39 why God wasn't putting 25:40 something in place or 25:42 why He wasn't using my pain. 25:43 So 25 years later, my youngest 25:46 brother moved out west and he 25:47 was the ministerial director and 25:50 asked me if I would come and 25:51 share my story at one of the 25:53 pastoral meetings. 25:55 And it was the first time I ever 25:56 shared it, I was shaking, I was 25:58 scared to death because I was 25:59 speaking to a room full of 26:00 pastors. 26:02 And, you know, God does amazing, 26:04 amazing things, but I ended it 26:07 by telling them that it's been 26:09 25 years and not one person 26:11 from my church 26:13 has ever said they were sorry. 26:15 Not one person from my church 26:16 ever reached out to me. 26:18 And... 26:20 it was very emotional 26:23 you know, and I sat down 26:25 and at that moment 26:26 the conference president 26:28 stood up and he took 26:29 the mic from my brother 26:30 and came to me and 26:31 stood beside me-- 26:32 stood in front of me and 26:33 he said, "You want an apology 26:36 from your church." 26:38 And he said "I, as a minister 26:40 of the gospel of this church 26:42 am sorry." 26:44 And it was a very powerful 26:46 moment for me. 26:48 I didn't realize that I needed 26:50 that, but it was the start of 26:52 healing for me. 26:54 It was a huge moment and 26:57 it was a start. 26:58 >> Wow! 27:00 Well, Reema, unfortunately we've 27:01 run out of time, but we are 27:04 going to continue with your 27:05 story in the next episode and 27:07 in the next episode we are 27:08 going to share more of Sanj's 27:11 side of the story as well, so-- 27:13 Friends, we thank you 27:14 for joining us. 27:15 Next time I just encourage you 27:16 to be here next week as we 27:20 continue with Reema 27:21 and Sanj's story. 27:23 We're going to look at how God 27:25 has led them to experience 27:27 healing, to lead others to 27:29 experience healing, 27:30 forgiveness, and look at 27:33 how we can be aware 27:35 of how much those who are 27:37 vulnerable and hurting in our 27:38 society need to be protected. 27:41 And so let's just close with a 27:42 word of prayer. 27:43 Father in heaven, we thank You, 27:44 Lord, for Your healing. 27:47 We thank You that each of us is 27:48 created in the image of God and 27:50 Jesus said, "What you have 27:52 done to the least of these 27:53 you have done it unto Me." 27:54 And I thank You, Lord, for 27:55 identifying Yourself with those 27:57 who have been hurt. 27:59 And, Lord, I pray that You can 28:02 help us to bring healing to 28:04 others through Your name. 28:06 We pray in Jesus' name, amen. 28:08 Friends, thank you for joining 28:10 us and let me just remind you 28:12 again of the words of Jesus 28:13 when He said, "It is written 28:15 man shall not live by 28:16 bread alone, but by every word 28:18 that proceeds out of the 28:19 mouth of God." 28:21 ♪♪ |
Revised 2020-09-30