Participants:
Series Code: IC
Program Code: IC180107A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to sexuality. 00:05 Parents are cautioned this presentation 00:07 may be too candid for younger audiences. 00:31 Welcome to Intimate Clarity. 00:32 I am Jason Bradley, 00:33 and I'm here with Jennifer Jill Schwirzer. 00:35 She is a licensed professional counselor. 00:38 And today, we're going to be discussing a sensitive topic, 00:41 but it's a conversation we need to have. 00:45 Jen, are the differences between male and female 00:48 just physical, are they psychological, 00:51 are they emotional? 00:52 What are they? What are the differences? 00:54 Good question. 00:55 Well, I talked previously about the fact 00:58 that when God created us, it says in Genesis 1:27 01:02 that, "God created man in his own image, 01:04 male and female created He them." 01:05 So right there in that verse, we see this wonderful paradox 01:09 that God created both genders good 01:12 because everything God creates is good. 01:13 So both sexes are good. 01:15 But they're also different. 01:17 So they're equal in goodness, 01:19 but they're different in the way that they function. 01:22 And that's an important paradox and attention 01:24 that we need to hold. 01:26 So in regards to the differences, 01:29 there are kind of two extremes we can go to. 01:32 I think historically, we've gone to the extreme sometimes 01:37 of accentuating the differences too much 01:40 or stereotyping the differences. 01:43 So a girl's a little more of a tomboy, 01:46 and she's told she's acting like a boy. 01:49 You know, she loves sports, she loves building, 01:51 she likes being with her daddy and working on, 01:53 you know, whatever, and she's told 01:55 she's being too much like a boy. 01:56 I don't think that's a wise thing to do. 01:59 You've got to let that child have 02:00 a certain amount of individuality within their sex 02:03 and within the typical behaviors that are, 02:06 you know, characteristic of that sex. 02:08 Little boy, you know, is born and he grows up as a child, 02:11 and he just sort of shows 02:12 a little more feminine attributes, 02:14 he likes art and he likes playing with dolls 02:16 and he's a little more feminine. 02:18 I don't think it's wise to tell that little boy 02:21 that there's something wrong with him because of that. 02:23 I think we have to leave some room. 02:24 So over-stereotyping is a problem 02:26 and it has actually set us up for the transgender movement 02:29 where if a little boy is told, 02:30 "Well, you're acting like a girl," 02:32 he starts to think he's a girl in a boy's body. 02:35 So where do you find that balance 02:37 because it's like if you let to allow 02:40 that behavior to go on kind of thing, 02:42 then it could still develop into that transgender. 02:45 I would say not stereotyping and not overreacting 02:48 to maybe feminine traits in a boy 02:50 or masculine traits in a girl, 02:51 but then, you know, you are kind of pulling them 02:53 toward their biological sex, 02:56 and, you know, acculturating them to their biological sex 02:59 and maybe teaching them some things, 03:01 toughen the boy up a little 03:02 and help the girl be a little more ladylike. 03:05 And I'm going to get into more detail about that later, 03:07 but I think that's one extreme is over-stereotyping the sexes. 03:11 The other extreme is thinking that the only differences 03:15 are the obvious anatomical differences. 03:19 You know, you just have different parts than I do 03:23 and it ends there. 03:24 I think that's naive. 03:26 There are some general differences, 03:28 and it's really kind of fun to look at them. 03:30 I thank God that... 03:32 We were made different. Yeah. 03:34 And there are people that put together materials 03:37 that have to deal with the differences 03:38 and they are without exception very entertaining, 03:40 very enlightening. 03:41 And let me just give you some examples. 03:43 John Gray back in the 1990s wrote a book called 03:45 "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus," 03:47 sold millions of copies that really hit a nerve. 03:50 So the other one is 03:52 "Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Spaghetti" 03:55 because men are so compartmentalizing 03:56 women, everything touches everything else. 03:59 There's other ones, there is one 04:02 "Women are like the remote control, 04:03 men can't figure out how they work 04:05 but they keep pressing their buttons" 04:07 and "Men are like zip lock bags, 04:10 they hold everything in 04:12 but you can still see straight through them." 04:14 Those aren't real books, but, you know what I am saying? 04:16 There's a lot of things we can do that mention 04:19 the differences that really bring a lot of humor 04:21 and I don't think we should 04:23 completely disallow those things. 04:27 So I think we should avoid stereotypes, 04:29 you know what I mean by that? 04:30 We don't want to go too far 04:31 and not leave enough room for individual expression. 04:33 But then I think we can embrace generalities, 04:36 and I think they're good things. 04:38 So let me give you some examples 04:41 of how that works in a parenting context, okay? 04:44 We can see the differences at work. 04:47 In many realms, 04:48 but in particular in the family realm, 04:51 women are more naturally gifted to attune 04:54 to other people in general. 04:57 So women have these finely tuned attuned abilities, 05:01 they can read people very, very well. 05:03 A woman's intuition, that kind of thing? 05:04 That's right, that's right. 05:06 They read body language better than men. 05:08 They read facial expression better than men. 05:11 And this is by the way been tested scientifically, 05:14 and it's come up again and again. 05:15 Women are just good at reading people 05:17 and knowing what people need. 05:18 So which of the mother and father is better set up 05:22 to try to interpret the needs of a being that can't talk? 05:26 The mother. 05:28 That's her little baby 05:29 and she does a very good job of figuring out 05:30 what's wrong and how to help the baby. 05:33 Women feed babies from their own bodies. 05:35 I've never known a man 05:37 that's been able to do that yet. 05:39 Again, one of the differences 05:41 that I'm very thankful for, Jen. 05:42 I'm thankful for that. You can have that. 05:45 I don't know like it's so awesome. 05:48 I breastfed two babies, and it's just wonderful. 05:50 I've often been with my husband 05:52 put my head on his chest and I've said 05:53 "Whoa to the paps that never gave suck," you know? 05:56 But seriously because it's just... 05:57 It was a wonderful privilege. 05:59 A women can feed children from their bodies, 06:01 and I think this symbolizes the nurturing role 06:05 that women play psychologically and emotionally to children. 06:08 So they will attune to and adapt to the child 06:12 which is especially needed 06:14 in the first three years of life. 06:16 After the first three years of life, 06:17 and I'm talking generalities here again, 06:20 dad becomes a more prominent figure 06:22 in that baby's life, in that child's life 06:24 because dad plays a very important role 06:27 of stretching the child. 06:28 The mother is going to attune to 06:30 and adapt to the child, 06:32 the father is going to stretch the child. 06:34 So little boy comes to mommy, little Tommy comes, 06:36 and he's got a skinned knee and mommy is going to say, 06:39 "Oh, you have a what?" 06:41 A boo-boo, yeah, right? 06:43 She's going to talk in his language 06:45 'cause that's what women do so well. 06:46 But the dad's going to say, 06:48 "Oh you have a skinny knee, let's go fishing." 06:49 And he's not going to attune to the child as much, 06:52 he is not going to adapt to the child as much. 06:54 But he's going to stretch the child. 06:55 The child needs to be stretched. 06:57 But the child also needs a parent 06:59 that is going to connect and adapt to them. 07:02 So there's that nurturing component 07:04 and then there's that toughen up, "Let's go out 07:07 and do something else right now." component as well. 07:11 That's right, that's right. The masculinity. 07:13 And each plays their own specific role 07:16 in the life of that child, 07:17 and so what we find by and large in the research 07:20 is that the child does best 07:23 when he has a biological mother and a biological father 07:27 in the home while he's growing up. 07:28 Now I'm not saying that to hurt anyone's feelings 07:31 or to diminish the powerful parenting 07:35 that a single parent or an adoptive parent can do, 07:38 and God is always working with less than ideal. 07:40 But I think in all these things, 07:41 we need to put the ideal where it belongs, 07:44 and the reality is that God created those differences 07:47 because they function well in a world 07:51 where those differences are needed. 07:53 I would like to see more women in political leadership, 07:57 and this is the reason that 07:58 societies where women are in political leadership 08:01 tend to spend less money on war 08:03 and less money on alcohol and more money on education 08:07 and more money on children and meeting nutritional needs. 08:10 That's interesting. 08:12 And wouldn't that figure that women are more nurturing 08:14 so they're going to bring those concerns 08:16 into the political realm as well. 08:18 And I think we've paid a price for having, 08:20 you know, sort of male-dominated societies 08:22 when really a leadership team is better and more rounded 08:27 when there are both male and female influences, 08:29 now they may not serve 08:30 in the exact same capacity of leadership, 08:33 you know, and we can see somewhat of a case for that 08:36 in a church context, there's quite a lot of debate 08:38 as you know about whether women should be 08:40 in leadership in particular in clergy, 08:44 and so we're really debating that very vigorously 08:48 in our church or at least we're in recent history. 08:51 So it may be that women don't play 08:54 the exact same role as men, 08:56 but that shouldn't mean 08:57 that women are excluded entirely from leadership. 08:59 I think everyone pays a dear price for that 09:03 when there's not enough female influence in leadership. 09:07 That's a hill I'm going to die on. 09:09 Maybe not some of the other ones, 09:10 but I'm going to die on that one. 09:11 I like the idea of the balance in the home 09:14 between the male and female, 09:16 you know, having that balance between the nurturing and the, 09:22 you know, "It's going to be okay, 09:24 you're all right, toughen up, 09:26 you're going to face obstacles and hard times or whatever 09:30 and you've got to fight through it," 09:31 you know, I like both of those aspects. 09:35 That's right, and that's God's ideal. 09:36 I think with a lot of issues in life, 09:38 we need to have an ideal 09:40 but we need to realize that God has a design, 09:44 God is the creator, but God is also the Redeemer. 09:48 And so if your life didn't adhere to that design, 09:55 it's not over. 09:56 It's part of the story 09:58 that maybe you didn't grow up in a two parent home, 10:01 maybe you grew up in a single parent home, 10:03 maybe you grew up in an adoptive home, 10:04 maybe you're in the foster system, 10:05 that's part of the story 10:07 and it's going to have an effect on you, 10:09 but it's not the entirety of the story. 10:11 The reality is that God is both the Creator and Redeemer. 10:14 We need to leave the ideal in the place 10:18 that it needs to occupy. 10:19 God's design is God's design. 10:21 This is what is, you know, his ideal. 10:24 At the same time, He's a Redeemer 10:26 and He can take that which is less than ideal. 10:29 And He can take those raw materials 10:31 and He can make a great thing out of it, 10:32 and I think a lot of people have that testimony, you know? 10:34 Absolutely, I mean you start looking at 10:36 all the people in the Bible and you look at, 10:39 you know, their situation like David 10:42 or Solomon or Samson or whoever you look at in the Bible 10:47 and you look at their stories behind it and you see 10:50 how God was able to use them in spite of themselves. 10:54 And I would add that, in parenting, 10:57 you have God's ideal of a mother and a father 11:01 in the life of that child. 11:03 But the most important ideal is that that child is loved, 11:08 and an unloving father and mother configuration 11:12 is I think worse than a single parent 11:15 that truly love their kid. 11:16 Absolutely. Yeah. 11:17 Absolutely, I would agree with that. 11:19 Would you be open to sharing just a little about your life? 11:21 I mean, haven't you been through 11:22 some stuff in your childhood 11:23 and do you have a testimony or am I asking too much? 11:26 Well, I mean, I grew up with two loving parents. 11:30 Oh, you did? Okay. 11:31 But then you know my parents got divorced 11:33 when I was at a young age and I ended up 11:36 going to this program called Banana Splits 11:39 and it was given by the school, 11:41 it was for people's parents who had split up, 11:43 they've divorced or whatever the case may be. 11:45 And at first... 11:47 Banana Splits, that's genius. 11:49 Yeah, it was a great name for it, 11:50 and it was like during lunch. 11:52 So they had food which is one of my favorites. 11:53 Of course. So I loved it. 11:54 But I didn't understand it at first. 11:58 I didn't understand the whole thing, 12:01 but as I grew older, 12:03 you know, one thing that my dad did for me 12:06 when we ended up moving to Texas 12:08 that really stood out to me is, I was living with my mom, 12:11 we moved to Texas and my dad moved to Texas... 12:15 As well. To finish raising me. 12:17 He always wanted to be in my life and be close 12:20 and he's always been there for me as a father. 12:22 I mean, he's done an exceptional job, 12:25 and so I'm so grateful for that. 12:27 Even though they didn't work out, 12:29 you know, I didn't experience, 12:30 I didn't feel that. There was a work around. 12:32 Yeah, so we're out saying, we're not putting out 12:34 this ideal to make people feel like they're doomed 12:37 if they didn't have that ideal in their life 12:39 because here we are with our broken histories 12:42 and God is able to work through that, 12:44 and I see the love shining through in your story as well, 12:46 and I love that name Banana Splits. 12:48 Yeah. 12:49 Banana Splits because it removed 12:51 the stigma from the kid. 12:52 You know, the kid shouldn't have to feel like a reject 12:55 because there's something that was totally out of his control 12:57 and one of the issues that arises in children of divorce 13:01 is they often blame themselves. 13:03 You know, they have this sense that they control the world. 13:07 You know, kids tend to think that way 13:09 and think that they're bigger than they really are, 13:11 and they take the responsibility 13:13 of their parents' problems on to them. 13:14 Yeah. 13:16 So I love that they had that nice name 13:17 that was kind of uplifting and encouraging 13:20 and they took what was 13:22 and they helped to redeem the situation. 13:23 So again, you know, love is the thing 13:25 that ultimately resonates and forms a person's character 13:29 and makes them well adjusted, 13:31 but God's ideal is the male and female together. 13:34 Absolutely. Yeah. 13:35 I mean, when we take a look at God's ideal, 13:39 you know, you go back to the garden and with diet, 13:41 with marriage between a man and woman, 13:44 the whole thing. 13:45 "Male and female created He them in His image," 13:48 parenting team and in the church, 13:50 we need to have both male and female influence, 13:52 and we'll all be better off for it 13:54 when there's that blending. 13:55 Absolutely. 13:57 You know, if I show you red and I say it's purple, 13:58 I'm going to be given an untruth 14:00 or blue and saying it's purple, it's not going to be true. 14:02 If I show you purple, it's a blend of red and blue. 14:05 Absolutely. Yeah. 14:06 Man, so much to cover and so little time. 14:09 I can't believe it. Yeah. 14:11 If you want more information, 14:13 make sure you go to IntimateClarity.TV. 14:16 As always, it has been a pleasure 14:18 sitting here talking to you and so glad you can join us. 14:21 Join us next time on Intimate Clarity. |
Revised 2018-08-09