Issues and Answers

Choosing a Mate

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Marie Fischer


Series Code: IAA

Program Code: IAA000450A

00:29 Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn
00:30 and we welcome you to Issues and Answers.
00:32 We're already having fun here in the studio
00:35 and we're so glad that you're joining us
00:36 whether you're watching by television, or internet,
00:39 or perhaps listening on the radio.
00:41 This program we are going to be speaking to the issue
00:45 of choosing a mate.
00:47 Oh, boy, I always tell people
00:50 the second most important thing that you ever do in your life
00:55 is to choose a mate.
00:57 The first, of course,
00:58 is to accept Christ as your savior.
00:59 But other than that,
01:01 the second most important decision
01:03 you ever make in your life is who you choose for mate
01:05 because marriage can be a little bit of heaven on earth
01:09 which I'm pleased to say my marriage is,
01:12 or I've seen too many others that it's just hell on earth.
01:17 So our returning guest we had,
01:21 we're so glad to have Marie Fischer back with us
01:23 from Jay, Oklahoma.
01:25 Marie, thank you for returning to 3ABN.
01:28 And I'm glad to be here. Well, we're glad you're here.
01:31 You know, we talked, you were here before
01:34 and we spoke to your past,
01:36 which was one of some pretty serious abuse,
01:40 which sent you kind of in a spiral if you will
01:44 and you made some wrong choices.
01:47 When you tried to choose a mate for yourself
01:50 without God's input, how did it go?
01:53 Well, when you were saying the second most important thing
01:56 that you could do is choose a mate,
01:58 I was thinking, "Oh, no, Shelley, you're so wrong."
02:01 The second most important thing I was thinking that
02:03 you could do is that God choose that mate for you.
02:05 There you go. Amen.
02:06 Because if I left it up to me, which I did,
02:10 I ended up with multiple marriages
02:12 choosing them my own way, my own desires.
02:17 And it can, like you said be hell on earth
02:20 and it was for me, because I chose
02:23 because of my behavior, because of my past,
02:26 because of the abuse I chose people
02:28 that I felt comfortable with.
02:30 I was used to controlling abusive men.
02:34 Yes. So I chose them.
02:36 And that's you see that all the time,
02:38 you see somebody that grows up with an alcoholic father
02:42 who turn around and marry an alcoholic
02:44 and you think, "Why would they do that?"
02:47 Or you see someone who may have had
02:48 a really controlling wife or mother
02:52 who just really kind of messed up their life
02:54 and they felt browbeaten, and yet they'll turn around
02:56 and they marry somebody who is really controlling.
02:59 It's what we know.
03:01 I think it's what we know, it's where,
03:03 even though we may not like it,
03:05 it's where we feel comfortable
03:07 because it's what you've known all.
03:08 I had a very controlling father,
03:11 he had a very bad temper, he was good to me
03:15 and good to his children,
03:16 but he was hard on my mom but I knew it.
03:20 I knew that how to maneuver around that type of situation
03:25 and because of my past that you had mentioned,
03:27 you know, the abuse and everything,
03:29 I never felt worthy to have anything better.
03:31 Yes, yes.
03:33 So you did, it did lead to multiple marriages,
03:37 but how did you come to understand that God,
03:42 you needed God in this process.
03:44 Well, after failure after failure,
03:46 choosing the wrong one, something had to give.
03:49 Something had to change, right?
03:51 Well, I came out of a bad relationship
03:53 and then I chose to marry an Adventist man,
03:56 thinking that he's a Christian
03:58 and so everything would be good.
04:00 He wouldn't cheat on me, he wouldn't do the things
04:02 that other relationships had done which he didn't.
04:05 You know, but he was a lot older than I was
04:08 and he had five children
04:10 which I wouldn't trade for anything,
04:11 and that's a whole another topic,
04:13 but I wouldn't trade for anything,
04:14 but I still made bad choices.
04:16 Even though he was an Adventist of my same faith,
04:20 there had to be more than
04:21 just being the same faith, you know.
04:23 You can't just say being equally yoked,
04:26 so I'll marry an Adventist and everything will be fine.
04:29 You still need the guidance of God,
04:30 you still need common ground and common factors.
04:34 You know, I'm so glad you said that about having things
04:37 in common other than just the religion.
04:39 Now, of course, you can marry someone
04:41 with whom you have many things in common,
04:43 and if you are unequally yoked as far as your faith,
04:47 it can be disastrous in a relationship.
04:50 But just because you share the same faith,
04:53 it doesn't mean you're going to have a good marriage
04:56 with someone.
04:57 So what types of things do you think are important
04:59 or to proven important in your life
05:01 to have in common with the person
05:04 with whom you think
05:06 you will spend the rest of your life?
05:07 Well, I think it's very important
05:09 to have the same worship ethics as well.
05:12 You know, their prayer life together is important
05:15 and we didn't have that, although he was an Adventist,
05:17 I had great expectations.
05:19 Yes.
05:20 But they weren't there and he was so much older
05:22 that I thought he would have been,
05:24 you know, the worship leader of my home,
05:27 you know, we'd have family worship
05:29 and we didn't talk about those things
05:31 which we just assumed that we'd be on the same page.
05:34 Also I had five stepchildren
05:37 which were closer in my age than his,
05:39 so I did more things with them than I did with him.
05:42 And he worked out of town
05:43 and just a lot of things that I didn't realize.
05:46 So what you're saying, he was how much older than you?
05:48 Fourteen years. And that's quite a gap.
05:51 He was closer to my mother's age.
05:52 Yeah, that is quite a gap.
05:54 So in common, let's just hit this
05:57 because I know that having the same value system
06:00 is very important.
06:01 You can go to the same church and not have the same values.
06:03 Absolutely.
06:04 But that is one that's always proven critical.
06:07 I think money habits are very important.
06:10 I was going to say that.
06:11 Money is very important you need to discuss
06:13 that kind of thing and I was only 21
06:15 when I married him and he was almost 35.
06:18 So I didn't even have any concept of
06:23 how it was going to be with money
06:24 because I was independent, I always worked,
06:26 I had my own money, I didn't have a clue
06:29 how it would be with an older gentleman,
06:31 and how he felt about me,
06:33 and how he felt about sharing his money.
06:36 And I didn't have money,
06:37 you know, I wasn't given money I wasn't given a budget,
06:40 I wasn't given anything from him,
06:42 so that was, right there was a problem,
06:43 the money was an issue right there from then...
06:45 It's huge. It's huge.
06:47 Plus, he had children, he had gone places
06:50 that I had never been and you don't think about that.
06:52 You need to discuss things like
06:54 where do we want to go on vacation.
06:56 He was used to making
06:57 all the decisions for his children
06:59 and I just kind of fit right into that.
07:00 So age is a huge factor, and money is a huge factor,
07:04 and faith is a huge factor.
07:06 And I do know something wonderful
07:08 May-December relationships
07:09 where you have a partner typically it's,
07:11 the man is older.
07:13 You don't generally see a man marry a woman 20 years older,
07:16 and I know men whose wives are up to ten years older.
07:20 But the point is that I always tell people, ideally,
07:24 five years is an age difference is pretty much,
07:29 that was my personal limit actually.
07:31 I didn't want to marry somebody much older than I am.
07:33 I tend to agree with you now from experience
07:36 because I had one 14 years older,
07:39 then I jumped out of that marriage
07:40 after nine and a half years
07:42 and a bad relationship and everything.
07:44 And I had my second husband nine years younger.
07:47 So there's what a 23 year span there.
07:49 Right.
07:51 Age is a huge factor and I chose not this marriage
07:57 because of the age or the other marriage
07:59 because of the age.
08:00 I chose one because I said, "Oh, he's an Adventist."
08:02 I said, "Oh, it'll be wonderful."
08:04 And then I chose the other one out of love without God.
08:08 Okay.
08:09 Which was another huge mistake.
08:10 And, you know, the thing that I think young people look at,
08:13 age doesn't seem,
08:15 you know, the age difference between 21 and 35
08:18 that doesn't seem really that big a deal.
08:20 But suddenly, when you are 41 and he's 50 or 65
08:27 it's beginning to make a bigger difference.
08:29 You know, you marry someone, you have to think
08:31 that you're going to be married for life.
08:33 But you mentioned the love, how do people,
08:37 you know, that many people will marry.
08:39 I think the biggest mistake is to marry for security,
08:42 you know, people that marry for money of course.
08:46 I mean that's going to be disastrous from the beginning
08:48 because there needs to be that love and commitment.
08:51 But how do you know really
08:54 if you haven't got God involved in this,
08:56 how do you know what love is?
08:59 A lot of times it's a physical attraction
09:02 which you're feeling for someone,
09:04 but how would you speak to love and commitment?
09:08 Well, I didn't know love and commitment
09:10 because I didn't know Christ.
09:12 When I was choosing a mate, I was choosing a mate,
09:15 I was choosing a mate for religious reasons
09:19 that he wouldn't cheat on me, and he would be stable,
09:21 and it would be good, and it still was no love.
09:24 You know, I didn't know how to love,
09:26 I didn't know how to give him everything
09:27 because I didn't understand the love of God.
09:30 And so then when I was out of that relationship
09:33 and jumped into another relationship with a man
09:35 that was younger than me, that wasn't the issue either,
09:37 but he made me laugh and I felt free.
09:40 I didn't feel stifled under a father figure.
09:43 And that's what I had with my first marriage
09:45 is a father figure.
09:47 And when you experience,
09:49 because I know there are so many
09:50 who are watching who've been through,
09:52 sadly have been through a divorce
09:54 and maybe you've been involved in multiple marriages,
09:57 and you still say, I still don't have it right.
10:00 But did you feel any sense of shame or guilt
10:06 toward God because...
10:07 Oh, absolutely.
10:09 Towards my church, towards my family, towards God,
10:12 the children that were involved,
10:14 even though there were stepchildren
10:15 and then adopted children, the separation of family,
10:19 you know, it's not biblical to do these things.
10:21 And so you have a huge sense of guilt,
10:23 a huge sense of shame,
10:25 and an acceptance from your church,
10:28 it's a horrible thing,
10:29 and you don't ever feel like you could be used by God.
10:32 Because there again, you have that stigma,
10:34 I've been married twice, I've been married three times,
10:36 or whatever, you know.
10:38 And we want to make sure that
10:39 we really clearly state that yes,
10:44 the Bible says, God says in Malachi
10:46 that He hates divorce.
10:48 And the reason He hates divorce is because He knows
10:51 how it's going to affect the family,
10:53 He knows the pain that divorce causes.
10:55 But divorce is not the unpardonable sin.
10:58 So if you are a divorced, viewer or listener,
11:02 please know that God is the God of new beginnings.
11:05 Amen.
11:06 And, Shelley, that's exactly what God did for me.
11:09 In fact, I look at Matthew 6:33
11:14 and this is what I started doing.
11:15 It says, but seek ye first the kingdom of God,
11:18 and his righteousness,
11:19 and all these things shall be added unto you.
11:21 And so I started claiming that as a promise
11:23 that God would give me the man of my dreams
11:26 if that's what God wanted for me.
11:29 But the most important thing was that
11:31 I was seeking Him first
11:33 and that I learned to like who I was.
11:35 That was huge, you know,
11:37 I had to be comfortable in my own skin.
11:39 I had to be comfortable and like who I was
11:41 because the other marriages had made me feel less than.
11:45 Well, and you had to know who you were too.
11:48 You know, you didn't have a very good...
11:51 You kind of had identity crisis if you will
11:53 because you had been coming out of an abusive situation
11:58 or lifestyle and then here you are
12:01 having multiple marriages.
12:03 So you don't know who you are,
12:05 how can you choose for yourself a mate?
12:08 I spent a lot of time reading the scriptures and books,
12:12 I delved into books that Date or Soul Mate,
12:15 He's Just Not Into You, Boundaries in Relationship,
12:18 which is a Christian book, sets boundaries for your life.
12:22 And so I used those as guidelines for my life
12:25 and I did like that.
12:27 I did just trust in God
12:29 and I said, there came to a point,
12:30 I said, "Lord, I think I'm ready.
12:34 I'm ready to date, if that's what you want for me,
12:37 but if it's not, that's fine.
12:38 You'll have to choose the person
12:40 because I'm a bad picker.
12:42 I'm just not good at it. I'm a bad picker."
12:45 And so I said, "You'll have to pick the person for me."
12:48 And I went to work
12:50 and two days later Mark asked me out
12:53 and he's my gift, he's my gift from God.
12:56 He's my husband, great Christian man,
12:59 a wonderful man, a loving man who adores me, worth in all.
13:04 He knows my life, he knows my past,
13:06 he knows my history, and he is okay with it.
13:10 That's wonderful. Yeah.
13:11 But now when you all, you had actually known each other
13:14 for quite some time because you worked together,
13:16 but what was your first impression of Mark?
13:20 We didn't like each other at all.
13:24 I had overheard a conversation that he was having
13:26 and I think people need to be really careful
13:29 and I can't stress that enough.
13:31 You need to be very careful when you jump in
13:33 on somebody's conversation
13:34 that you don't make a judgment call.
13:37 And that's exactly what I did, I made a judgment call
13:39 on what he was trying to say
13:40 and didn't hear the whole conversation.
13:42 And I made a flippant remark and punched in
13:45 and quickly walked out of the break room
13:47 and went back to work and so he thought,
13:50 and which I didn't even know he thought
13:51 until we started dating.
13:53 He said, when I heard you say that, I thought,
13:56 "Man she's opinionated.
13:57 I don't want to have anything to do with her."
13:59 And I said, "Well, that was good
14:00 because I felt this way
14:02 and I stayed away from you too."
14:04 But God had a plan, you know,
14:05 He had a different plan for us.
14:07 And my husband Mark said,
14:11 "When God first asked him to ask me out, told him,
14:14 "I want you to ask her out."
14:16 Because he was praying for someone too.
14:17 He had been recently divorced
14:18 and he was praying for someone,
14:20 I had been divorced for couple of years by then.
14:22 I said...
14:24 He said that he told God, "Oh, Lord, not her.
14:28 Please not her."
14:30 That's so funny, he knew.
14:31 And so he didn't ask me out,
14:33 and so it took him a couple of months,
14:35 and then when he finally came in to ask me out,
14:38 he said, Bye Marie,
14:41 and it was getting to be near Sabbath
14:43 and I always finished everything by four on Friday.
14:45 I was the HR representative for our church,
14:47 and I did the hiring
14:49 and the interviewing and everything,
14:50 and so I was getting everything wrapped up.
14:52 And he says, "Good night, Marie, have a good weekend."
14:54 And I said, "Oh, have a good weekend, Mark."
14:56 And I was working on the computer
14:57 and he says, "Well, what about dinner?"
15:01 And I turned around and looked at him
15:03 and his face was twitching
15:05 and I said, "Well, have a good dinner too."
15:09 And I just turned back around
15:10 and started working on the computer thinking of
15:12 what I needed to do.
15:14 And he says, "Your blonde roots are showing."
15:17 And I said, "Huh?" Just like that, I just turned.
15:20 He loves that part, he tells that story,
15:22 he says and she did, "Huh?"
15:23 You know, and I did, I went "Huh."
15:25 And he goes, "Your blonde roots are showing.
15:27 What about dinner?" And I said, "Oh, like a date?"
15:30 Like me, I haven't dated for 20 years, you know.
15:32 Yes.
15:34 I was like, "Me you a date tonight?"
15:35 And he's like, "No what about tomorrow."
15:38 And all the books that I had read ran through my mind.
15:41 Well, you don't give him your address,
15:43 you don't give him your phone number,
15:44 you meet him in a neutral place,
15:45 blah, blah, blah...
15:47 And I said, "Okay."
15:48 And he still stood there and I wouldn't look at him
15:52 and he says, "Don't you think
15:53 you ought to give me your phone number?"
15:56 And I'm thinking, "Marie, don't be ridiculous,
15:58 you've worked with this man for eight years.
16:01 The Lord brought him to you for some reason
16:04 maybe just to teach you something
16:05 but for some reason don't be ridiculous."
16:08 And I said, "Why don't we just meet here,"
16:10 And he goes, "No, typically I pick you up at your house
16:12 and I drop you off at your house
16:14 and shame on the men
16:16 that didn't treat you better than that."
16:17 And immediately I felt really, you know.
16:21 So I gave him my phone number
16:23 and we've been together ever since.
16:26 You know, the Lord has just worked
16:27 such a wonderful, wonderful relationship
16:30 out of this traumatic beginning.
16:34 So I just gonna add a little something
16:36 because you and I had, there are so many parallels
16:38 but, you know, we don't always know.
16:40 I remember when I was dating my husband,
16:42 we broke up six months into it and I told my mother,
16:45 "He'd be the last person on earth that I would marry."
16:49 And then a couple of years later,
16:51 we became business partners.
16:53 And I remember when one day he said to me,
16:56 "I've been driving down the road trying to figure out
16:58 why I should marry you."
17:01 And I'm thinking, "Marrying me?
17:03 You know, I can think of a reason
17:04 why we've never talked about it.
17:06 We weren't even dating."
17:07 And I remember praying, I had to go to New York on business
17:11 and we just can't impress enough,
17:14 how important it is to pray about this
17:16 because this is not someone
17:19 who I probably would have chosen,
17:21 and I really wasn't, but when I went
17:24 and I was praying about it,
17:26 the Lord really impressed upon me, this was the one.
17:30 The one I said I would never marry was the one.
17:33 And, you know, God knows best.
17:36 One thing I did from the time I was 13 years old
17:40 and I'm just gonna talk, we've got some young ladies
17:43 on camera today that I prayed sincerely,
17:48 earnestly to the Lord,
17:49 "Please don't let me marry anyone
17:52 over whom I would lose my soul."
17:55 I babysat for a lady from our church
17:57 whose husband, she married an agnostic.
18:00 Then he became atheist
18:02 and he wouldn't let her go to church.
18:03 And I could remember, you know,
18:06 I was pretty precocious as a child,
18:08 but I can remember talking with her and saying,
18:10 "You mean, you'd lose your soul over a man."
18:13 But what happened I went...
18:18 Here I'm praying about this and there were times
18:22 that I was engaged before JD,
18:25 and I would get close to the wedding date,
18:27 and all of a sudden just be like God would just go.
18:31 And it's pulled me up short and I would,
18:33 and I have to say, "Whoops!
18:34 Wait, we can't do this unless God's going to be
18:36 the foundation of our marriage."
18:38 But God knew best who I needed.
18:42 We're so perfectly suited and I look back on the people
18:44 that I would have chosen and think, "Thank you Jesus
18:48 that I didn't marry them."
18:49 I cannot agree with you more, I cannot...
18:51 I'm listening to you thinking, oh, my goodness
18:53 because I started praying that way
18:55 after I met Mark,
18:57 because I always jumped into something
19:00 and married for the wrong reason.
19:01 So I had told God, "I'm not going to marry him
19:05 if you to the moment that we walk down that aisle,
19:08 if you tell me not to marry him, I will not."
19:11 And I said that all the way up to the time
19:13 that we got married
19:15 and I said, "God, I am not going to dishonor you,
19:17 I'm not going to bring this shame on myself
19:20 and on you.
19:22 I am going to follow you if this is the man..."
19:24 Even all the way up we dated for a year,
19:26 I tried to break up with him because my natural self said,
19:30 oh, it's easier to break up with him now
19:33 than to let him hurt you like everyone else did.
19:35 You go into your comfort zone again
19:36 and he'd say to me, "Marie, we get along so well,
19:39 we pray together,
19:41 we talk about the Lord together,
19:42 we believe the same, he wasn't even an Adventist,
19:44 knew about the Sabbath,
19:46 knew about the state of the dead,
19:47 knew about how we..."
19:48 And I said, "How do you know these things?"
19:50 He says, "I have a Bible."
19:52 And so the Lord brought us together
19:54 so we could learn from each other
19:55 so we could glean.
19:57 He has strengthened my faith in his strengths,
20:00 and I have strengthened his faith
20:02 and my strengths and together we are not...
20:05 We glorify God better together as a team.
20:08 People will always say,
20:10 "I want a marriage like you guys."
20:11 I'm like, "What is that?"
20:13 You know, I had a horrible past and I had a horrible marriage,
20:16 but God has blessed me beyond everything
20:19 that I could have picked for myself
20:20 and he would not have been the person I would have picked.
20:22 He's completely opposite of me
20:24 and he's completely opposite of the things
20:26 I would have picked in the past,
20:27 but God does know that, Shelley.
20:29 You know, and I just want to point out one other thing here
20:32 because just because God has selected a mate,
20:36 don't think that it's all going to be roses in the beginning
20:39 because I remember that our first year was
20:42 rather difficult actually.
20:44 And I think Satan does everything he can
20:47 to try to break up the family unit
20:49 because if you think about it, the family unit,
20:52 that family is the smallest unit
20:53 of the church.
20:55 And if you can ruin the family, you'll ruin the church.
20:58 So Satan is after the family, but in choosing a mate,
21:04 if you're looking for someone who is of like faith,
21:07 shares the same values.
21:10 You know, of course, you know,
21:11 I think personally physical attractiveness is
21:13 something that's important to me,
21:15 to many men.
21:16 But I think it's something that as you go through here,
21:19 you know, that you share
21:22 or at least come to agreement on hobbies, finances,
21:27 and I just want to highly recommend,
21:30 not that I've done it, I don't know if you did it,
21:31 but I really highly recommend,
21:33 if you're a young person watching,
21:35 please before you get married, go through counseling.
21:39 Premarital counseling is critical
21:42 because often when we say, we're in love with someone
21:44 when you just think, "Oh, I can't live without them,
21:47 make my heartbeat patter."
21:49 And what it is, is it a physical attraction
21:51 and sometimes in counseling you'll find things out
21:54 that you'll sit and suddenly say.
21:56 And I know because my husband and I do a lot of counseling.
21:59 We've never had counseling our self.
22:01 But we've seen people who just sit up,
22:04 I mean, suddenly they're paying attention
22:06 and thinking,
22:07 could I live with this the rest of my life.
22:09 You know, I haven't had counseling either,
22:11 but the books that I've read gave such good, good advice
22:14 that I talk to youth, and I talk to young people,
22:17 I talk to my friend who just recently got married.
22:19 And I said to her, "I got the best advice
22:23 through this book and through the Bible."
22:25 Of course, the Bible is first,
22:27 and going to God is always the best thing.
22:30 Always go to God first.
22:32 And what I would tell them is there is always red flags.
22:36 You can date the rest of your life,
22:39 but you want a soul mate.
22:41 If you want a soul mate, consider God in all things.
22:44 And if you want to date the rest of your life,
22:46 then you can go through different people all the time,
22:49 but if you want a soul mate, take your guidelines
22:52 and your desires for a mate from the Bible
22:56 and write down what's important to you,
22:58 those 10 things that are important to you.
23:01 And if there's three red flags,
23:03 be done dating them, you're done.
23:05 It's not going to be a good marriage.
23:07 If there's two red flags, this book particularly said,
23:11 "If there's two bad flags be done."
23:14 Say, "You know, I had a great time,
23:15 you're a wonderful person,
23:17 it's just not going to work for us."
23:18 Why prolong the inevitable,
23:21 you know, and then if there is one thing
23:23 and it's not on the top of your list,
23:27 then you might be able to work it through.
23:29 But more than one red flag, this is what they're saying,
23:32 more than one red flag,
23:33 you're just headed for disaster,
23:35 and especially if it's a biblical principle.
23:37 Oh, absolutely.
23:38 Especially, if you cannot
23:39 come to an agreement biblically,
23:42 you don't need to be married.
23:43 What were some of the things,
23:45 you mentioned this list of 10 things and red flags,
23:48 if there are several on here, even two,
23:52 that didn't drive with your list.
23:55 What were some of the things that were on your list?
23:58 Well, I prayed about it and I went with God,
24:01 I didn't want to just make a list.
24:04 So I said, "God, what are the most important things
24:06 that I need in a man?"
24:08 And one was a sense of humor, honesty, a faith in God.
24:14 Being a Christian was huge,
24:17 you know, that was my number one thing.
24:19 They couldn't drink or smoke,
24:22 and they had to be stable,
24:27 they had to have their own stability,
24:29 they didn't need to..."
24:30 I tended to make more money than the men that I married
24:34 at different levels of life or whatever.
24:37 And I didn't ever feel like
24:39 I really needed a man financially,
24:40 but I wanted them to have their own stability,
24:45 you know, I wanted them to have their own stability,
24:47 and I can't remember the other two or three
24:50 but those were the huge ones for me.
24:52 But it's interesting to me that you prayed to ask God,
24:56 I mean, there's some of those that almost everyone would say,
24:58 "Yeah, I don't want someone
25:00 who's drinking or who's on drugs or this."
25:03 But it's interesting because I too agree.
25:05 I was engaged to someone once
25:07 that it wasn't till I saw him with his family,
25:10 we'd been engaged six months
25:11 before I actually met his family,
25:13 they'd been overseas.
25:15 And when I saw him around his family,
25:18 he had a very slapstick sense of humor
25:20 and he certainly, it was repulsive to me
25:24 and I didn't, I found out
25:26 I wasn't really in love with him
25:27 I think as much as I was in love
25:29 with the idea of being in love.
25:31 Yeah. You know what I'm saying?
25:33 So it's important that you do even seek God in that,
25:38 what do I need, Lord,
25:40 You know me better than I know me.
25:41 That's right.
25:43 What do I need in a man or a spouse?
25:46 And that was important to me.
25:47 It was important to me that God helped me know
25:50 what I needed to grow, not just all the choices
25:54 that I made in the past, I didn't have a list,
25:55 I didn't have any real,
25:57 "Oh, well, if they're Christian,
25:58 you know, everything will be fine,
25:59 or if he loves me."
26:01 Well, that's a myth, you know,
26:03 for all the young people watching,
26:04 that's a myth.
26:05 If he loves me, he will.
26:07 You know, love has been used so loosely
26:09 to say the least in this world, in the society.
26:12 So a man can say that he loves you
26:14 or a woman can say that they love you.
26:16 But if they don't have the same common values,
26:19 and the same principles, and those things on that list,
26:24 if they don't have those, you're going to be missing out
26:27 on a complete package that God wants you to have.
26:29 And it sounds very simple
26:32 when it's just the two of you think
26:33 you might overcome up as soon as you have children
26:35 put into the picture that the whole equation changes,
26:39 and it can be a mistake that affects the rest of your life.
26:42 Well, I think that our viewers have seen how important it is
26:48 just from your personal example,
26:49 how important it is to seek God's will
26:52 for your spouse.
26:54 Seek the Lord, ask Him who you should marry.
26:57 Let Him guide and direct you.
26:59 And we were saying earlier, we'd rather,
27:02 both of us would rather be single an additional 10 years
27:05 than to marry the wrong person.
27:07 Mary Fischer, thank you so much for joining us today.
27:10 You know, we hope that you'll come back.
27:12 We want to talk to you about raising stepchildren,
27:15 10 children, that's a lot of kids.
27:18 Blessings. Blessing.
27:21 Quiverful. Yes.
27:23 Well, for those of you at home,
27:24 I hope that this program is making you think about things,
27:28 and some of you may have been married for many, many years,
27:31 you were just sitting her saying amen
27:33 to what we're doing.
27:35 But there's others who have maybe grandchildren or children
27:37 who need to be reminded about this topic how critical it is.
27:41 Our prayer is that the grace of our Lord and Savior,
27:44 Jesus Christ, the love of the Father
27:46 and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit
27:47 will be with you always.
27:49 Thank you.


Revised 2017-09-11