Issues and Answers

Healing from Sexual Addiction

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Nicole Parker


Series Code: IAA

Program Code: IAA000448A

00:29 Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn
00:31 and we welcome you again to Issues and Answers.
00:34 We're so glad that you're joining us
00:35 whether you're watching by television,
00:37 or the internet, or listening on the radio.
00:40 This is a program.
00:41 It's a popular program
00:42 because we talk about issues that are pertinent
00:44 to our culture today, to our personal lives
00:47 but we give biblical answers how to overcome those issues.
00:52 And today we have returning with us
00:54 and we're very thrilled to have her again,
00:56 Nicole Parker,
00:58 who has a master's degree in biblical counseling.
01:02 And she has shared her own personal testimony
01:05 of how she was sexually abused as a child
01:08 and how the Lord led her through a healing journey,
01:11 and then gave her the uncommon wisdom
01:13 to share His comfort
01:16 and healing process with others.
01:18 But, you know, sometimes when someone
01:20 has been sexually abused,
01:23 any kind of abuse can lead to addiction,
01:26 and specifically sexual abuse
01:28 will often lead to sexual addiction,
01:31 and today we have Nicole here to talk to us
01:35 about the process of overcoming sexual addiction.
01:40 Nicole, once again we're thrilled to have you back.
01:43 Thank you so much for being here.
01:45 Now let's just jump right into this.
01:49 You have shared some things
01:52 that have really touched many hearts already
01:55 but when we're talking about the sexual addiction,
01:59 let's describe what it is and what are the root issues?
02:04 Right.
02:05 You know, sexual abuse is rampant in our culture
02:09 but so is sexual addiction and often they're linked.
02:12 The key thing is, all of us,
02:15 if we struggle with any kind of abuse,
02:16 it doesn't have to be sexual,
02:18 anything that wrecks my picture of the character of God,
02:22 is going to send me into looking for others
02:25 that I can worship instead of God.
02:27 If God does not seem lovable,
02:29 and that's what abuse does to us,
02:30 it makes us go,
02:32 "If God were love, why did He allow this?"
02:34 Or we just see Him as a lot like
02:35 this abusive parent, or teacher, or pastor.
02:39 But people, you know,
02:40 you used an interesting word there
02:41 because I think some of our viewers
02:43 are not going to understand what you just said.
02:44 You said that when our picture of God is pitiful,
02:49 when we don't know who He is
02:51 that we look for someone else to worship,
02:53 people I don't think
02:54 that I'm going out to worship alcohol
02:56 I'm going out to worship.
02:57 So explain what you mean by this word worship.
03:01 Nobody says
03:02 I think I'm just going to worship something else.
03:04 We try to worship God
03:06 but if our picture of God is skewed,
03:08 we want to find someone or something
03:11 that will satisfy the cravings of our souls.
03:13 So that's worship is when we put,
03:16 the work that we put on something else to satisfy us.
03:20 God has created us as worshippers.
03:22 We long for two things, for love and for value.
03:27 Every human being longs for love and for value
03:30 and whatever we find our sense of being loved in,
03:33 our sense of being worth in, whatever that thing is
03:35 we'll wrap our identity around it
03:38 and we will worship it.
03:39 We can't help it, we're created worshippers.
03:42 So we will either worship God
03:45 or we will worship someone or something else
03:47 and whatever that is
03:48 it will really be self-disguised
03:50 those who think that they worship their spouse.
03:54 For example, nobody thinks that they really worship them,
03:56 but they think I just love this person.
03:58 I need this person.
04:00 No,
04:01 what you love is the feeling you get from this person
04:04 and when you lose that feeling
04:07 you may be happy to go find someone else.
04:09 I see what you're saying.
04:11 And it may be a twisted form,
04:12 you know, those who stay in abusive relationships
04:14 and people say, "Why are you staying with him."
04:17 Well, often it's because we get our sense of worth
04:19 from being who we wish God had been for us.
04:24 If only God had been there for me,
04:26 I would have been happy
04:28 and, therefore,
04:30 I'm going to be what I wish God had been.
04:32 We always either try to make someone else
04:34 into what we wish God had been
04:36 or we try to be what we wish God had been
04:38 and that's the root of addiction.
04:40 Okay.
04:41 So what is sexual addiction?
04:45 What does that term mean?
04:47 You know, we live in a culture
04:49 of sexual brokenness and sexual obsessiveness,
04:52 and pretty much anything that you want these days,
04:55 our culture will tell us you can get this from sex.
04:58 So you if you long for power, then our culture says get sex.
05:04 If you long for intimacy, our culture says get sex.
05:08 If you long for value, if you long to be beautiful,
05:12 to be anything that you want
05:15 our culture can try to convince you
05:17 you can get it through sex.
05:19 Sex goes to the very deepest core of who we are
05:22 because God created us male and female.
05:25 He created us sexual beings
05:26 and we see now that sex sells as well
05:30 this is something that we have become obsessive
05:34 compulsive about sex in our society.
05:37 We have, sexual abuse is one significant factor in this
05:40 and I believe we have no idea of the magnitude
05:43 of how many people are sexually abused these days.
05:46 Even within the church.
05:47 Even within the church
05:48 but for those who even those who are not sexually abused
05:51 sexual addiction is always luring
05:54 because it appeals to the deepest part of who we are,
05:56 we crave love and worth.
05:59 And our culture says,
06:01 "You want 'em, you'll get them here."
06:02 But what do you mean specifically
06:04 by sexual addiction?
06:06 I mean a preoccupation with sexual things.
06:09 Research shows us that the majority of people
06:12 a majority of men nowadays are addicted to pornography
06:16 and they may say
06:17 well not as many women are addicted to pornography
06:19 so sexual addiction is a male problem.
06:21 I don't believe so personally
06:23 because I see it in so many people
06:25 who come to talk to me
06:26 women may not be reading or watching pornographic things
06:31 but they often are listening to music,
06:34 fantasizing dealing with novels,
06:39 or pornographic movies
06:41 or just movies that are all about romance.
06:43 Whatever is happening,
06:44 it's still a preoccupation with sex
06:47 in the sense that if I am craving something,
06:51 sex will give it to me.
06:53 So you...
06:55 I've heard you use before the illustration of a dandelion
07:01 talk to us about that.
07:02 Yes, you know, many people,
07:04 if you Google how to overcome sexual addiction,
07:07 you'll find a lot of different tools,
07:09 good tools, useful steps that can help a person
07:13 but often we don't get to the root issues.
07:17 The root issues are what go deep into our hearts
07:21 these issues of love and worth.
07:23 If I can't find my sense of love and worth in Christ,
07:27 I'm going to find them in something else
07:30 and that's going to, you know,
07:32 have its power for a little while
07:34 maybe it'll be alcohol for a while
07:35 and then I realize this is bad I kick the habit.
07:38 Next, I'll be smoking
07:39 or it'll be a codependent relationship
07:42 which is just another word for idolatrous.
07:45 Whatever it is that I go to
07:46 movies, music, TV, internet, food,
07:50 they're all really the same thing.
07:52 I'm worshiping something
07:54 that gives me either a sense of love and worth
07:57 or an escape from my longing for them.
07:59 And sexual addiction,
08:01 would it be correct to say that sexual addiction
08:04 sometimes is just pure peer pressure
08:06 because I'm thinking of young people
08:09 who begin sleeping around
08:10 and having multiple sexual partners,
08:13 and it's as a result of just what they think
08:17 society is expecting of them
08:19 and they don't have a sense of worth with the Lord.
08:22 That's right.
08:23 It's very often that's how it starts out.
08:25 They're living in a culture
08:27 where virginity is something to be gotten rid of
08:30 and it's a sign of how valuable you are
08:33 if you're desirable to many people.
08:36 And the Gospel goes to do exactly the opposite
08:38 it says you are so valuable to God
08:41 that He wants you to be able to have an exclusive relationship
08:44 first with Him
08:45 and then find deep beautiful satisfying intimacy
08:48 with your opposite sex partner
08:50 if that's where He leads us into marriage.
08:53 May I ask you a very personal question?
08:55 Sure.
08:56 You suffered sexual abuse
08:59 which gave you panic attacks, anxiety, depression,
09:03 and you lost your sense of worth if you will.
09:07 Gave you a crazy picture of who God is
09:10 but my question is this:
09:14 Can someone, was it difficult for you
09:17 sometimes people think that Christians are against sex.
09:20 We're not.
09:22 No, not at all.
09:23 And God certainly isn't against sex
09:26 and if you have any doubt about that
09:28 I just challenge you to read the Song of Solomon
09:32 because God created us as sexual beings
09:35 He created sex something that is to be greatly enjoyed
09:40 but it is to be greatly enjoyed between a man and a woman
09:44 in a marriage relationship,
09:46 and sex part of that was to me the beauty of it is that,
09:51 you know, it's almost like God is inviting us to become...
09:56 To enter into the creation process with Him
09:58 because we procreate through sex
10:01 and it is a beautiful thing.
10:04 Often, what people,
10:05 I feel sorry for the people in the world
10:08 because in the secular world, sex is not always,
10:12 well, often, is not an act of intimacy or intimate love
10:16 it is just purely scratching an itch.
10:20 I'm just going to say it that way,
10:22 but here for you coming out of sexual abuse
10:27 how long did it take you, I mean you're married,
10:32 what did God do to heal you of the abuse
10:36 to where you could enjoy
10:39 a true intimate relationship with your husband?
10:42 You know, like most people that are sexually abused,
10:46 I had an unhealthy interest in sex
10:48 you could say I was obsessed with it
10:50 as a as a young child and a teenager
10:52 I was continually consumed with it.
10:54 And yet, I was terrified of it at the same time
10:57 I thought I could never have this with a person
11:01 and certainly not with a man.
11:03 I was so terrified of men
11:06 but the Lord led me through a process of healing
11:09 and then when he brought my husband into my life
11:12 as just a man that I knew and started saying,
11:14 "Nicole, this is a man you can trust.
11:16 This is a man who's very much like me."
11:18 It was a real battle for me to believe
11:21 that God could heal me so much
11:22 that I could go into this situation, you know,
11:24 what if I have to marry this man, Lord?
11:27 How can I live in intimacy with him?
11:29 And it was so beautiful
11:32 how the Lord spoke to me through my husband.
11:34 You know, eventually my husband told me you know what?
11:36 Neither of us knows how is it how it's going to go.
11:39 I had never had sex with anyone voluntarily
11:42 other than being abused as a very small child,
11:45 I didn't know what it was going to be like.
11:47 But my husband said,
11:48 "You know, even if we can't have sex
11:49 the whole first year of our marriage,
11:52 I just want to be with you, you are my best friend.
11:55 I love you."
11:56 And you know in that context of safety and intimacy
12:00 knowing here is a man who loves me, values me,
12:04 I saw Jesus in him,
12:06 and it gave me the freedom to say,
12:07 "Now I want to marry this man."
12:09 How precious.
12:11 And, you know, praise God it's never been an issue
12:13 in our marital life
12:14 from the honeymoon onward it's been beautiful.
12:17 What the devil told me that I could never have
12:19 a happy, healthy, beautiful sex life
12:21 where I could see the character of God revealed
12:23 was a complete lie.
12:25 It's a beautiful area where I see God's love
12:28 in ways I never could have understood otherwise.
12:31 Okay.
12:32 Now, I kind of threw you off there
12:33 because that question was just burning me...
12:35 No, but it's so important
12:37 because if we if we're sexually addicted
12:40 it's because we have a wrong picture
12:41 of the character of God
12:43 and it's revealed in our picture of sex, of intimacy,
12:45 God ordained intimacy.
12:47 So to have a true picture we have to understand
12:49 God ordained a beautiful kind of sexuality,
12:53 a beautiful expression of who we are as sexual beings
12:57 within a committed relationship between a man and a woman
13:00 where we understand the character of God
13:02 and the way that he interacts with his church,
13:05 the vulnerability,
13:06 that being naked and not ashamed together.
13:08 Yes.
13:10 There's nothing that's more healing to sexual addiction,
13:12 the unhealthy preoccupation with sex,
13:14 than seeing sex the way that God sees it.
13:16 It's a beautiful, holy, wonderful taste of heaven.
13:22 Absolutely.
13:23 Now let's get back to our dandelion.
13:27 Let's talk about the roots of the problems.
13:31 Many people already know
13:32 many of the crucial steps to overcoming sexual addiction.
13:36 We need to get deep into the Word of God,
13:38 find the promises of God
13:40 that apply to our particular struggles
13:42 and let them sink into our lives
13:45 like water in the ground.
13:47 We need prayer we need to commune with God.
13:49 Very few people in the world today pray
13:51 even those who claim to be Christian
13:53 very few pray 5, 10 minutes a day in our culture.
13:57 We're so self-consumed and obsessed with media,
14:00 and entertainment, and relaxing.
14:01 Or even, it doesn't have to be that,
14:04 you can be consumed with ministry.
14:06 I've met pastors
14:07 who don't pray more than 5 or 10 minutes a day
14:09 because they're just so called upon
14:12 and it's a struggle in our own lives.
14:15 The devil loves to get us consumed with good things
14:17 to keep us from the best things.
14:19 Absolutely.
14:20 So we need Bible study, transformative Bible study
14:23 not just a quick reading of a chapter a day or whatever.
14:25 So what is a transformative Bible study?
14:27 Transformative Bible study is where we really sink our roots
14:31 deep into how much God loves us
14:33 and how much we're worth in his sight.
14:35 Throughout Scripture we have two great themes,
14:37 Creation and Recreation.
14:39 He created us in his image
14:40 and he recreates us day by day as we surrender to him.
14:44 Those two themes need to be our meditation
14:46 and an understanding of how much he loves us.
14:48 Practically, for me
14:50 because I know that sounds kind of theoretical.
14:52 I needed to know that God saw it was beautiful
14:55 that he said you are a treasure in my sight.
14:59 You don't need other people to think you're wonderful,
15:02 for me to think you're wonderful,
15:04 and as long as you're turning to other people
15:06 for your sense of love and worth,
15:07 you're always going to come up thirsty.
15:09 All of us, we have an innate sense,
15:11 no matter how much these people like me,
15:13 they don't see the depths of me.
15:16 If they saw the depths of me, would they love me then?
15:19 God is the only one
15:21 who can satisfy that depths of me
15:23 longing for love
15:24 because He is the only one who sees us completely.
15:27 And when I know thou God seest me,
15:29 you are my Creator
15:31 from the moment that you created me,
15:33 you loved me with an everlasting love.
15:35 That means that there's nothing within me
15:37 that can add to my worth by achievement,
15:41 and there's nothing I can do
15:43 that can take away from my worth in God's eyes.
15:47 Nothing that I can do can add or subtract,
15:50 I am priceless in his sight
15:52 this is what our devotional time
15:53 should be focused on every day.
15:55 We need time with God
15:57 that satisfies us at our deepest level
15:59 we can figure out what our deepest level longings are
16:01 by, what are the lies the devil tells me?
16:03 When I'm down
16:04 what are the things he brings to my mind?
16:06 Is it I just want to escape to this movie
16:08 I just want to find somebody,
16:10 you know, do we open our cell phone,
16:11 our refrigerator, or the Bible.
16:13 That's good. That's good.
16:15 But, you know, some of these things
16:17 that we're talking about,
16:18 I mean we know that we need to do these things
16:20 and quite often if you look on the internet,
16:23 as you said earlier, there's good steps,
16:25 but your description of the dandelion.
16:30 I like what you say
16:31 because you've got to get to the root
16:33 and I don't know that we actually got that far.
16:35 The root issues are always issues of worship.
16:40 If I cannot believe that God is love,
16:42 that he loves me deeply to the depths of who I am,
16:45 I'm going to crave someone or something
16:48 that will make me feel deeply loved,
16:49 and our culture very commonly redirects us to sex
16:53 as the solution to this.
16:54 For women,
16:56 they often feel so isolated from others
16:59 when they are dealing with sexual addiction,
17:01 something like masturbation or pornography.
17:04 When a man comes to me
17:05 and talks to me about his issues
17:07 and of course, I'm very careful about counseling with the man
17:09 but if I have some, you know, the man comes to me,
17:11 he's got his wife there
17:13 or we're in a context with my husband there
17:14 or something like that,
17:16 when we talk about his sexual addiction issues,
17:18 typically they will be sort of,
17:20 "Well, I've been struggling with that
17:21 but I'm getting better, I'm doing better right now."
17:24 Men, kind of, have often this sense of,
17:26 "Well, you know, we all struggle with it.
17:28 It's a guy thing."
17:30 And if they just stop doing it,
17:32 it's kind of like somebody
17:33 who is just taking the dandelion
17:38 and pulling off the leaves and blowing on it.
17:39 They're not getting to the root issue
17:41 is what you're saying. Right.
17:43 C.S. Lewis gives a wonderful description
17:45 in his description of the Lizard of Lust
17:48 how there's this lizard on his shoulder
17:50 and when he starts saying,
17:52 "I've got to get rid of it. I've got to get rid of it."
17:54 Then the Lizard of lust starts going,
17:56 "No, you don't need to, it's okay.
17:57 It's okay. I'll go to sleep.
17:59 I promise I'm not going to cause anymore problems."
18:01 But it's when we really tackle it
18:03 and break its back
18:05 that we can finally be freed
18:07 to serve God with all of our hearts.
18:09 And it's when a man starts going,
18:11 "Well, I need to get rid of this
18:13 or at least I need to start doing better."
18:14 Well, now it's getting to be several weeks
18:16 in between my episodes or several months.
18:19 They may feel like,
18:20 "See, I don't really have to give it to God,
18:21 I don't really have to give my lust.
18:23 The problem is sexual abuse or even just our culture,
18:26 weaves together,
18:28 sex which is a beautiful holy pure gift of God,
18:31 with lust, which is an evil, horrible influence,
18:34 and shame
18:35 which wants to isolate us from others.
18:38 Sex and lust and shame are just braided together in our minds
18:42 and it's almost like, you know, sometimes I bake challah bread,
18:45 you weave braid these three strips of dough
18:49 but then they arise and then you bake them.
18:52 And what seemed like they could be easily entangled
18:54 is now all of a sudden one mass in our minds.
18:57 Sex and lust and shame and a man feels like,
18:59 "Well, if I give up my lust,
19:01 I have to give up my masculinity."
19:04 And for a woman they often feel the opposite
19:06 they feel so ashamed, so intensely bad
19:10 they're like, "I'm the only woman."
19:11 Over and over I've had women tell me
19:13 I just feel like this is a man problem.
19:15 I can't believe that I am the one
19:17 who's watching pornography,
19:19 I am the one who is dealing with fantasy and masturbation.
19:22 These issues that no one wants to talk about
19:26 but that men and women alike are battling.
19:28 I would say probably 80% of us are struggling, you know.
19:32 When you go to a church,
19:34 80% of the people are dealing
19:35 with a sexual addiction of some kind,
19:37 preoccupation with romantic, or sexualized themes,
19:42 or movies, or music, or books or anything
19:45 all of these things are traced back to the fact
19:48 that we want to get our sense of love and worth
19:50 from somewhere else.
19:51 So that in order to get rid of the dandelion,
19:54 I have to stop just picking off the flowers and the leaves.
19:58 So what happens when a person wants to actually tackle
20:01 the lust issue in their lives
20:03 is we have to take a Biblical approach.
20:06 There's nothing evil
20:08 about picking off the leaves and the flowers, you know.
20:10 Get rid of those flowers on your dandelions,
20:12 by all means
20:14 and that's kind of dealing with the behaviors.
20:16 So it's very important to get accountability partners.
20:19 We set limits for ourselves,
20:20 you know, I'm not going to be on the computer after nine
20:22 because I know that's when I start drifting,
20:24 or I'm going to set a covenant eyes
20:28 or some kind of software on my computer
20:30 so that my accountability partner
20:31 can see what I'm actually accessing.
20:33 Is it called Covenant eyes? Covenant eyes.
20:35 Coming from, of course, Job,
20:36 "I made a covenant with my eyes."
20:38 But that's the name of the software program.
20:39 Yes, for a small fee every month
20:42 you can have covenant eyes monitoring your internet access
20:45 so that your partner
20:46 or whoever it is that's holding you accountable
20:49 gets a report of everything that you're accessing
20:52 and there they are notified if you start doing something.
20:54 Those who are really serious about overcoming,
20:57 they'll often take these steps.
20:58 They'll get rid of the behaviors,
21:00 they'll start pulling off the flowers and the leaves.
21:03 But God wants to go deeper,
21:04 he wants to go into the issues of worship
21:06 because the issue was never that we were behaving badly.
21:09 The issue is that he wants our hearts
21:11 he wants us to know deeply
21:13 in ways we haven't ever understood before
21:15 how much he loves us,
21:17 how much we're worth in his sight.
21:19 And it's just like that
21:20 when we allow him
21:22 to go into the deeper areas of our hearts
21:24 when we allow him to dig in
21:26 and get the root out
21:28 then that dandelion withers.
21:30 It doesn't produce any more flowers,
21:32 any more of leaves,
21:34 the behaviors will wither up.
21:36 When we give ourselves deeply to God
21:38 and allow him to keep our hearts.
21:41 And God can keep our heart as we get involved
21:44 as you said in transformative Bible study,
21:46 when we're praying, claiming the promises of God,
21:49 exercising self-discipline
21:51 by putting this strict boundaries around us,
21:53 and having accountability partners
21:56 all of those things,
21:57 but how does someone
21:59 who's watching out there right now?
22:02 Nicole, how does someone
22:03 who is going through the shame of it all,
22:08 you know, if they know they've had a sexual addiction
22:10 and they are trying to come out of this,
22:14 maybe they've wounded somebody very deeply
22:16 because of their sexual addiction.
22:19 How does someone overcome the shame of it all?
22:23 You know I find consistently any time I counsel with someone
22:27 who's struggling with sexual addiction,
22:29 there's a very strong cycle
22:31 of a specific kind of unbelief and pride that creeps in.
22:36 What happens is, you know,
22:38 as we've talked about in a different program,
22:41 shame and guilt are two different things,
22:43 both of them feel like conviction for sin
22:46 they feel like dirtiness they feel like defilement
22:49 but they're actually very different.
22:50 Guilt is a message from God that gives us hope,
22:53 it says, "There's something that's come between you and me.
22:57 Let me take it off of you.
22:58 Let me set you free,
23:00 let me cover you with my robe of righteousness
23:02 with my blood
23:03 I've already died for this sin.
23:04 Let me have it
23:06 and then you and I can be close again
23:07 that's guilt
23:08 guilt is good it brings us to our knees
23:11 it drives us to the cross.
23:14 I guess you're saying it's like the conviction of sin.
23:17 Guilt is a valid conviction that I have sinned.
23:20 Okay.
23:22 So when we have guilt it brings us to pray,
23:26 to repent, to confess
23:28 and then when we stand up from our knees,
23:30 we are to walk in newness of life
23:32 praising God,
23:33 "Wow, you have set me free, thank you so much."
23:37 But this is where shame comes in.
23:39 Shame is a message from the devil
23:40 that basically says
23:42 the Blood of Jesus isn't enough to cleanse you.
23:44 So when you go to your knees with that sense of defilement,
23:47 that's guilt.
23:48 When you stand up from your knees
23:49 having repented and confessed and you still feel defiled,
23:52 that's shame,
23:53 that's a message from the devil saying,
23:55 "You're hopeless,
23:57 you can't be cleansed by the Blood of Jesus.
24:00 What you've done is too bad."
24:01 So that unbelief,
24:03 that doubt about what God says in His word about himself
24:06 that he's already covered it, that he loves us,
24:08 that he will transform us,
24:11 that is now followed up by shame.
24:15 Shame says, "You can't be cleansed."
24:19 But the good news is,
24:21 and here's pride coming in
24:23 your blood will be enough
24:24 to supplement the blood of Jesus.
24:26 Oh, whoa, I'm sitting here and smiling
24:28 because I thought you might tell me some good news
24:30 but you're saying this is what shame will do to you,
24:32 what the devil's message is.
24:34 Shame will tell you.
24:35 The good news is,
24:37 you can supplement with your own work.
24:40 So the devil will tell you
24:41 if you can just atone for your bad deeds
24:44 if you can fix it somehow, do more good works,
24:50 say you're sorry to God over and over and over and over.
24:54 If you can finally convince God
24:57 to stop turning his back on you,
24:58 the ugly nasty sinner,
25:00 and finally he will go all right, all right,
25:01 you keep begging,
25:03 maybe I will forgive you after all.
25:05 When you take that approach
25:07 to what has already been forgiven,
25:10 what has already been cleansed
25:11 because you've repented and confessed.
25:13 Now, you cripple the work of God in your heart.
25:16 What happens when a sinner gets into this cycle
25:18 of unbelief and pride
25:20 I can't believe that God forgives me
25:21 so now I'm going to try to atone for my sins
25:23 and then maybe I'll get forgiveness.
25:26 Then when you do that,
25:28 you've already set yourself up for your next fall.
25:31 Because right now you're temptation may be gone
25:34 so now you don't feel like going back to this thing
25:36 but the next time the temptation rises
25:38 you're going to know in the back of your head,
25:40 I atoned for it last time, I can atone for at this time.
25:45 And you will never break free
25:47 as long as you're staying in that cycle
25:49 as long as shame convinces you
25:51 the devil himself convinces you
25:54 that the Blood of Jesus won't cover you
25:56 just when you repent and confess and give it to him.
25:59 It's like the message of defilement,
26:02 is like a jacket that's over you,
26:04 that God says to you there's a jacket on you.
26:07 You're wearing this black evil jacket
26:09 let me take it off of you
26:11 and cover you with my robe of righteousness.
26:12 That's the message of guilt a valid sense of defilement.
26:16 You've been defiled by your own sin,
26:18 but shame is a message from the devil that says,
26:20 "This jacket that's around you cannot be removed.
26:23 I'm going to zip it on to you
26:24 and you will always be defiled."
26:27 And this is what happens with a person
26:29 who has been abused, sexually abused,
26:31 they can't confess someone else's sin
26:34 and also with someone who is addicted.
26:37 They feel still defiled
26:39 and so they believe what they're feeling say
26:41 instead of what the Word of God says.
26:43 But the good news is there's hope.
26:46 God can heal you from these addictions
26:49 and if you will get into the Bible,
26:51 transformative Bible study, prayer,
26:54 claiming God's promises, getting a true picture of God,
26:57 have accountability partners,
26:59 as you said rejoicing,
27:01 God can heal.
27:02 Nicole, thank you so much.
27:05 We've enjoyed this time with you
27:06 and we just appreciate you being here,
27:08 Nicole's ministry,
27:10 she and her husband Alan have a ministry
27:11 called Heart Thirst
27:13 and you can go to
27:16 and get more of their ministry materials.
27:18 They do a lot of seminars,
27:20 that'll give you more information on this topic.
27:22 Thank you so much for joining us
27:24 and may God richly bless you today,
27:27 multiplying his mercy, love, and grace to you.


Revised 2017-09-11