Issues and Answers

Surrender: How It Makes A Marriage Happier

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: J. D. Quinn (Host), Gregory L. Jackson


Series Code: IAA

Program Code: IAA000410

00:01 Many times we have the question,
00:02 how does surrender impact your marriage?
00:05 Stay with us, we'll be right back.
00:32 Welcome to "Issues and Answers."
00:34 My name is J.D. Quinn.
00:36 As I mentioned while ago
00:38 how does surrender impact your marriage?
00:41 I want to go to Matthew 19 and verses 4 and 5
00:45 and read those to you.
00:49 "Have you not read that He who made them
00:51 at the beginning made them male and female,
00:53 and said, 'For this reason
00:55 a man shall leave his father and mother
00:58 and be joined to his wife
01:00 and the two shall become one flesh?"'
01:03 That's what we're going to be sharing today with you
01:05 and I have a special guest Pastor Gregory Jackson.
01:10 I welcome you to Issues and Answers.
01:12 Thank you, thank you. Tell us a little about yourself.
01:15 Well, I'm a pastor in the Allegheny West Conference.
01:18 I've been pastor for 31 years.
01:21 I now pastor the Bethel Seventh-Day Adventist Church
01:23 in Cleveland, Ohio.
01:25 I'm married, Marilyn Jackson for 14 years.
01:29 We have five children, five grand children
01:33 and that's basically pretty much
01:36 in raising Adventist.
01:39 You know, the old story, go through Adventist education
01:42 and then go out and Lord rear as you back in.
01:45 Amen, amen.
01:47 And you know, while I hear that quite often,
01:50 but and it's like I've said many times,
01:52 thank you Jesus,
01:53 it's not a hundred yard dash. Yes.
01:55 But it's a marathon. Yes.
01:56 You know, I mean, it's wonderful
01:58 if, if you can run that hundred yard dash
02:01 and keep your eyes focus on the Lord
02:02 at all time. Yes.
02:04 But sometimes is the wiles of the evil
02:06 want to grab a hold of us now.
02:08 But we find our way back. Yes.
02:10 Thank you Jesus.
02:11 I know that you've written this book,
02:13 "How Surrender Makes Marriage Happier,
02:16 how it makes Divorce a Blessing,
02:19 and the Single Life Fulfilling.
02:22 Can you tell us kind of why you wrote this book?
02:25 What motivated this book right here?
02:28 What motivated the book was again
02:31 I wanted, I wanted people to experience
02:34 the fullness of God's power in every area
02:37 or whatever phase in life.
02:39 And in relationships
02:41 and that covers out the whole gamete.
02:44 You're either married, or you're divorced,
02:46 or you're single and I've been in all three.
02:50 So I'm speaking from experience.
02:53 Okay, I know that you've devoted
02:56 one full chapter to why marry?
02:59 It seems like, that's something,
03:02 expand on that, why marry?
03:04 Yes, okay, that seems like,
03:06 that's a question that has a given answer.
03:09 Because, people say why marry,
03:10 because you're in love. Amen.
03:13 But that's, not why and usually what we call
03:17 love is in emotion more than the real thing.
03:25 I've found something.
03:27 It's a very key principle for me.
03:30 And that is the purpose for which you marry,
03:36 will be the strength
03:37 that will hold that marriage together.
03:41 For instance, if you marry for,
03:46 what we call "Love," that fuzzy feeling,
03:49 you know that, that warm feeling you have.
03:53 They are going to be days
03:55 as you go along in that marriage,
03:57 you won't have that fuzzy feeling.
03:59 And if that's what your purpose is,
04:03 that it's going to make you feel loved,
04:07 when you don't feel loved,
04:09 you're gonna be ready to end that marriage.
04:12 And it's not a strong enough thing
04:16 to bond, to hold it.
04:18 Lot of times people marry because they say,
04:20 "Well, the clock is winding down."
04:22 Well, the clock is always winding down
04:25 and if that's the case, when it winds down
04:27 and you're ready to end it.
04:29 I mean, you can go on and on if you're trying to,
04:32 if you're trying to feel secure.
04:34 So lot of people do, they say, well I feel more secure if I--
04:38 Well, you'll find that when you're in that marriage,
04:40 you mean, I feel more secure.
04:43 And if that is the purpose for which you get married,
04:46 then when that marriage no longer serves that purpose,
04:49 you're ready to end it.
04:50 Or even if you stay, you're not happy.
04:53 And a lot of people have never ended marriages,
04:57 but they're living two separate lives
05:00 in the same home.
05:01 That's not a marriage,
05:02 it's not a marriage in God saying,
05:04 it's not a marriage to the two of you.
05:08 There's only one purpose that is strong enough
05:12 to hold the marriage and that reason is this.
05:17 You should marry only because
05:21 you feel that's God's will for your life. Amen.
05:25 And I can get more into and I have, I do in the book.
05:27 I don't have time to get into them.
05:28 But that's my first question,
05:30 whenever I am doing marriage counseling
05:32 and it usually throw people off.
05:34 So why you don't want to get married?
05:36 Well, that's a way we love each other.
05:39 I've heard many people say that.
05:41 I've heard many people say that.
05:42 They say, I can't live without this person,
05:44 they say that and six months later
05:46 in my office saying I can't live with this person.
05:49 I said, there has to be something better than that.
05:51 And then, and you can stay off with that,
05:53 but you have to move from that
05:55 if you really want that marriage.
05:56 And that's what I encourage them to do.
05:59 I say, well, that's good, that's,
06:00 but that's not gonna be strong enough
06:02 to weather the storms that you're going to face.
06:04 If you want to weather the storms
06:06 that you're going to face and I didn't understand this
06:08 in my first marriage.
06:10 You're gonna have to,
06:11 you're gonna have to move to a higher purpose.
06:14 And that higher purpose is got to be,
06:16 because it's God's will, because
06:17 if you marry for that reason.
06:20 When things go all right, you'll go to the God
06:25 that He's impressed you and speak with Him
06:27 and surrender to Him and deal with Him
06:29 and He will give you what you need to do His will.
06:33 And the only reason that marriage will ever dissolve.
06:38 If that's the purpose for which
06:39 both of you are getting married.
06:41 It will only be because that's God's will. Amen.
06:44 And when people really deal with that,
06:50 here is where I'm on this issue now.
06:53 When you have two people that understand that
06:55 and have come together
06:57 because God has led them together.
07:01 And then they consistently surrender to God's will
07:04 throughout that marriage.
07:05 In my opinion, I feel that there will be no divorce.
07:12 The only reason divorce happens is
07:15 because of the hardness of the heart.
07:17 And we'll get into that possibly
07:19 little later, hopefully.
07:22 But if we stay open to the spirit of God
07:25 and God has led us together, He'll keep us together.
07:30 And so if we both do that and that's what
07:33 my wife and I have come to, I told her,
07:36 when we were courting,
07:39 I said, even when we first start I told her,
07:42 "That I'm looking for a woman
07:43 who loves God more than she love me." Amen.
07:47 And I know that doesn't sound
07:49 as romantic as we like for it to.
07:51 And it's not as traditional,
07:52 it's not the traditional thinking,
07:53 but I totally agree with you.
07:55 Yes, and as you measure in it
07:57 and there is a-- You can even look at it for selfish,
08:00 because I know this.
08:02 If you love God more than you love me.
08:05 You're going to love me the way I need to be loved.
08:10 If you love me more than you love God,
08:12 then you're gonna use me like a junky use his drugs.
08:15 I need for you to make me happy.
08:18 I need for you to make me secure,
08:20 and you're gonna wear me out.
08:22 And that's what is happening in a lot of marriages.
08:23 I know it sounds good when they says,
08:26 you are the sunshine of my life.
08:28 Well, I told you, if I'm your sunshine,
08:30 you're gonna have many dark days.
08:32 And that's true with anybody.
08:33 I don't care how good they are,
08:35 they're human beings. Amen.
08:36 They are faulty human beings with needs and personalities
08:40 that are different from our own.
08:41 And even when you're not trying to do
08:43 what's wrong, even if you're being the best you can,
08:45 because you're different from that person.
08:49 There are gonna be things that you conflict on
08:50 for as little simple things in mind--,
08:52 you know, we've got into them,
08:54 there are some big ones over.
08:56 I want the window up, but I want it down.
08:58 I want the covers on and I want them off.
09:01 You know, I want the air conditioner on,
09:03 and I want it off, I mean.
09:04 And those things can grow into
09:06 and if you don't let,
09:07 if you don't let God deal with you.
09:10 So it needs more than just your love for me.
09:16 It has to be a higher source,
09:18 a higher part, a higher kind of love. Amen.
09:20 And only God can give it.
09:21 And one thing that I've, that I've counsel on,
09:27 pastor, is that,
09:30 is that the foundation has to be secure,
09:32 because if you had truly
09:34 are building your foundation on that rock. Yes.
09:37 Then you can add other rooms. Yes.
09:39 Without having to worry constantly about going,
09:44 dissolving underneath your feet. Yes.
09:47 And then just going out into the ocean. Yes.
09:49 So, is that foundation that is and you're exactly right.
09:53 I mean, I love the way that you're putting this.
09:56 Yes. Amen.
09:58 And so that's something that,
10:00 you know, it really, it really meant a lot to me,
10:03 really means a lot to me and it has,
10:05 it has more impact on the marriage.
10:08 You know, and let me read this to you.
10:11 I mean, I really appreciate your book here.
10:14 "How Surrender Makes Marriage Happier,
10:16 Divorce a f Blessing, the Single Life Fulfilling."
10:19 Let me read this right here
10:20 'cause this kind of show our audience,
10:23 kind of some of your style.
10:25 When we stop trying to find love,
10:28 security, significance,
10:30 and fulfillment in another person
10:33 and start seeking to know and surrender fully
10:35 to God's will for our lives.
10:38 We will begin to experience the truth
10:39 in Psalms 37:4 and 5, which says,
10:43 "Delight thyself also in the Lord,
10:45 and He shall give the desires of your heart.
10:49 Commit your way unto the Lord, trust in Him,
10:52 and He shall bring it to pass.
10:55 This is the sure result of daily surrender
10:57 to God's purpose for marriage."
10:59 Yes, yes, and that something that,
11:02 you know, it's hard for us to come to--
11:06 It sounds good to us, but we say, I don't know,
11:10 if that can truly work in--it does
11:14 and I want to get into that, but there's something
11:19 that I like to get into before that.
11:21 And that, you know, because in this marriage thing,
11:26 we dealt what's here.
11:28 The next thing I say, you have to why marry?
11:32 I dealt with, how do you become one? Amen.
11:37 Because again marriage
11:39 is a process of God making those two individuals one.
11:45 And in today's world,
11:48 it has become very, very complicated
11:50 because this word of submitting and,
11:53 you know, is involved in this oneness thing.
11:56 I mean, if we're gonna become one,
11:58 how does that happen?
11:59 Do I have to give up being me for you to run the show?
12:04 Or and, you know, then it's a battle with that.
12:08 So it's very important of how we go about that process
12:13 and God has the way of becoming one.
12:15 And I, in the book used
12:17 mathematical examples to do it.
12:20 So I just want to hit that real quick. Yes.
12:24 You know, there are mathematical examples
12:29 that I used to talk about oneness.
12:33 I used the addition, subtraction, and division
12:39 to display the way we go about it
12:42 and they are the wrong ways.
12:44 One is the way of addition, which sounds very romantic,
12:48 its addition is bringing two incomplete numbers
12:55 to form the whole number one.
12:57 As for example, one-half and one-half,
13:01 neither are complete in order o for them to be complete,
13:05 you have to join them with the other.
13:06 And, you know, and there was,
13:08 there was, I think, it's J. McGuire
13:11 that has a very popular line where he say,
13:14 you complete me, and we love that,
13:17 we love that, it's so romantic.
13:19 It fits us and hits
13:20 and specially women hit to the heart, you know.
13:25 But it's not a good,
13:26 it's not a good way because it,
13:29 it has three problems for me. It has the wrong source.
13:35 It depends on a wrong source to meet their needs.
13:38 It also has the wrong purpose for marriage
13:42 and I cover the right purpose.
13:44 Again the purpose of marriage
13:46 is to develop the image of God in us.
13:50 That's God's purpose.
13:52 And as we surrender to God,
13:53 then we surrender to that purpose.
13:55 And I don't have time to cover that fully,
13:57 but it depends on the wrong source
14:01 to meet their need, because it's human.
14:04 It depend, it has the wrong purpose for marriage
14:06 and that's why the marriage is on shaky ground,
14:09 plus it has the wrong kind of love,
14:11 it raise the wrong kind which is self centered.
14:14 I need you to complete me,
14:16 therefore I'm going to use you to meet my needs
14:21 and it has become user friendly,
14:23 what I call it a user friendly marriage.
14:25 I use you and listen you use me,
14:27 I use you, you use me and it doesn't work out.
14:30 You know, and many marriages are suffering,
14:34 because there are two incompletes I can't--
14:36 And as you see people that kill other people.
14:40 I can't live without you. I love you too much.
14:42 Well, that's the kind of love you have for me,
14:45 don't love me, please.
14:47 What really be is, is you love yourself too much,
14:50 to see them happy without you.
14:52 And you've been using them for your happiness
14:54 and you can't make it anymore without them,
14:56 so you'll kill him.
14:57 That's not good and it's miserable and even the best.
15:01 Now there are some of us that have married like that
15:04 and because we have similar personalities,
15:06 we can find a degree of happiness.
15:08 But never can we find the joy, the fullness of the joy,
15:13 where the Lord describes, when the Lord is my shepherd
15:16 I shall not want. Amen.
15:18 I shall not want.
15:19 When we understand that because when our mates
15:22 aren't meeting our needs,
15:24 we note it they are not the source
15:25 and we can go to the source,
15:27 receive that and love them in spite of,
15:31 you know, the fact that they're not meeting that need.
15:33 Because there's no human being on the face of this earth
15:36 that's going to be so perfect
15:37 that they meet all of our needs,
15:39 all of us are needy.
15:40 That means when I marry a person,
15:42 they have their issues, I have mine
15:45 and they can't be my all in all
15:46 and I can't be their all in all. Amen.
15:48 And there are places we're gonna meet in the middle
15:50 and really, but there are other place
15:51 where we're gonna rub.
15:53 And if we don't have a buffet,
15:55 if we don't have somewhere else to go,
15:57 to receive what we need.
15:59 Like when my wife and I have fallen,
16:01 and I have a good wife.
16:03 You know, I had a,
16:04 you know, I don't want to fault the wife
16:06 I had before, you know.
16:08 I didn't fully understand what I understand now.
16:10 We were two individuals, that love the Lord at a time
16:14 and try to do what's right,
16:15 but we were depending on the wrong source
16:18 for happiness,
16:19 depending on the wrong power to make it happen
16:22 and relating with the wrong kind of love.
16:24 And it went to the--and never and
16:28 we didn't have a kind of personalities
16:30 that were so meshed,
16:32 that we could survive like that.
16:33 Unlike, I say, even the ones that do survive,
16:35 they don't reach the pinnacle of what God wants for them,
16:38 because we limit. So that one doesn't work.
16:41 Then there is subtraction measure
16:43 which is more popular one.
16:44 Which is subjecting a lesser number to a more,
16:49 a higher number two minus one,
16:53 one is more powerful than the other.
16:54 And they're both together not for a need to feel loved.
17:00 They're both together
17:02 for a need to feel powerful and in control.
17:05 Even though the one that's not they're submitting,
17:08 because they feel so powerless
17:09 that they have to get somebody
17:10 more powerful than themselves.
17:11 And through them and submitting to them,
17:13 they can receive their power.
17:15 Both for user friendly as same thing
17:18 is just that is more degrading,
17:20 because and that's the more traditional.
17:22 I'm the man of the house and,
17:25 you know, we're going to--
17:26 And that sounds like the right way,
17:28 but the problem again is, you know, the wrong source,
17:32 the wrong purpose and the wrong kind of love.
17:36 Now then there is the-- Then there is the division
17:39 and their purpose for coming together is two equals,
17:43 you know, one divided by one equals one.
17:47 And there the issue is,
17:48 now you have to treat me like an equal.
17:50 That's more the modern kind of marriage.
17:51 You know, I'm your equal, and no longer
17:53 you're degrading to me.
17:54 I you know-- I don't want to hear that.
17:56 And so the thing that bonds them
17:59 is you make me feel equal,
18:02 you don't make me feel less than
18:04 and I'll keep you with that.
18:06 But anytime you make me feel less than,
18:08 I'm through with you or with the other one
18:11 anytime you make me feel not in control
18:14 and powerful, I'm going to.
18:16 And the other one is anytime you don't make me feel loved,
18:20 you know, and complete.
18:22 You know, I'm-- So all of them,
18:24 you know, that need is there, depending on the wrong source
18:27 because that source is gonna fail you.
18:29 I'm okay, how good a source, they even like I said,
18:31 the best marriages, you have issues when
18:34 they don't make you feel.
18:35 And if you don't really have
18:37 the right kind of relationship with God,
18:38 you just deal with it.
18:40 And you move on, because it's not as painful,
18:43 because they do meet it pretty good,
18:46 you just deal with that and move off.
18:48 But there are pains and there are scars
18:51 that haven't been healed, because you're not,
18:53 you haven't gone to the Lord.
18:54 Now, and so let me get to the one that does work
18:58 or that I feel is that reflects
19:01 what God has for us
19:02 and that's the exponential math tested,
19:05 new math, they didn't have when I was there,
19:06 so I'm glad, is up one, but I know this,
19:10 it--and without you know,
19:14 I really deal with it more in the book,
19:16 but let me just-- Some of it--
19:17 I will let through that one is,
19:20 is not two incompletes coming together,
19:24 neither is more powerful,
19:27 you know, it's taking away from the other.
19:29 Or neither it is two equals that duplicate each other,
19:34 duplicate, duplicate.
19:37 It is two whole numbers coming together
19:44 increasing the power of both.
19:47 It is one raised to the power of two.
19:52 Where they go through life as one,
19:54 but they had the impact on life as two. Amen.
19:58 It doesn't take away from either one,
20:00 it enhances and makes the whole great up.
20:06 And it is--they depend on they know for that to happen,
20:09 they have to depend on the right source,
20:12 because to feel complete,
20:15 to feel whole, to meet their need.
20:18 Because there's two complete people,
20:20 you have to behold, you can't come to the marriage needy.
20:25 Oh, I need for you to do this
20:26 or you can't--and even being in control is needy
20:29 when you come with this subtraction measure.
20:31 Even the one that sounds equal is needy,
20:33 because I need for you to make me feel equal.
20:36 When you make me feel less than,
20:38 I can't handle that.
20:40 That's needy, you have to behold,
20:43 you have to be such that
20:44 even when your mate doesn't make you feel,
20:47 like you feel you need to be treated,
20:49 you can love them anyway.
20:51 That's because you have a source
20:54 that is meeting your needs all the time
20:58 and inspite of the fact, that
21:00 you're not being allowed to used right now to meet,
21:02 I like for you to, but if you don't,
21:04 I'm not walking around like a beggar with my cup,
21:07 please make me feel secure,
21:09 please make me feel more whole,
21:10 please make me feel powerful and control.
21:13 My God makes me feel that way. Amen.
21:15 You know, and so when you don't,
21:16 I can love you anyway. Amen.
21:19 And so you have that and then, and that's in Christ,
21:24 that's only way it's possible for that to happen.
21:27 You know, that's the only way, you have to be surrendering.
21:30 You have to be dealing with God on a regular basis,
21:32 because you cannot do that.
21:34 And my wife and I, you know, we've had our fall outs,
21:38 but because we both understand that,
21:40 we've had some and specially the first
21:42 there were some things where I walked away,
21:44 I see and it wasn't because of the something terrible,
21:46 it's just that, their personality
21:48 and my personality clash.
21:50 And I went to the kitchen
21:52 and I said, O Lord, what I've got myself into.
21:54 Am I into this thing again, what's going on,
21:57 I had a let Him deal with me.
21:59 And the Lord had to deal, let me know--discuss we had.
22:03 She went and did the same thing.
22:05 It brought us back together.
22:06 As result of those kinds of things,
22:09 our marriage bond has gotten stronger,
22:11 we've bonded even more--
22:12 Now those kind of things that we overcome those,
22:14 those come up they had no issue.
22:16 See, so what doesn't break the marriage,
22:18 only makes it stronger.
22:20 And when we went to God, He gave me, because there,
22:23 I'll tell you, my nature, just being totally honest.
22:26 My natural nature because of the way I am,
22:29 because the way of my lifestyle,
22:31 I've dealt when I was out there.
22:35 If you make me feel
22:39 that you're going to be a hassle for me,
22:42 and you're not gonna, I'm pretty, I'm done.
22:44 I don't need you, I can move on quickly to someone
22:48 who I feel will, there's a lot of more fish in the sea.
22:51 That's mean it by nature.
22:53 God is changing that. Amen.
22:55 Because see, that's self centered.
22:57 God is making me like Him. Amen.
23:00 Relating with a love that's not self centered,
23:03 but a love that is other centered.
23:05 Not based on what you do for me lately,
23:08 but what God through me can do for you.
23:11 It is not what you give me, it's what,
23:14 it I have not come to be ministered unto,
23:16 but to minister.
23:17 And in giving I receive more joy. Amen.
23:19 Because I'm getting the love from God
23:22 and God's love is so full and complete in me,
23:26 that it just bubbles open my desire to just minister
23:29 and be a blessing to you.
23:30 You know, and if you get two people to understand that,
23:33 you got a little bit of heaven on earth.
23:35 You know, because God's love in them
23:36 is empowering them to love you like that
23:39 and even when your human frailty is come in
23:41 and they will, you know,
23:42 because even though I'm like this you better believe,
23:44 O great comes out, you know still,
23:46 but because my wife is dealing,
23:48 she can handle and move on and then the Lord checks me
23:50 and works with me on that
23:52 and that's a beautiful thing. Amen.
23:53 It's a beautiful thing.
23:54 And that's almost so, and so how we become one?
23:59 In order to become one like that,
24:01 you have to be dealing with surrender on a daily basis.
24:04 I know that, I get quite a few calls,
24:07 I'm looking for a godly man.
24:09 Can we pray for a godly man
24:11 and my counsel is I think that I'll start with yourself.
24:14 Why don't you just ask the Lord
24:15 to prepare you to be a godly wife? Yes.
24:18 Prepare you to be a scriptural wife. Yes.
24:20 The gentleman call and says, oh, I just would look,
24:22 I'm looking for a godly wife.
24:24 Why don't you ask the Lord to help prepare your heart
24:27 to be a godly husband? Yes.
24:29 And then leave it up to God to bring the two together. Yes.
24:34 You know, that's His work. Yes.
24:36 And I like that because here once again
24:39 as you're saying, you know, you put him back in charge.
24:43 Everything comes, everything continues to go back.
24:46 Put God in-charge, let Him work through you. Yes.
24:50 For His perfect will. Yes.
24:51 You know, you're also, you're also
24:55 and your book deal with
24:56 the three aspects of oneness. Yes.
24:58 Okay, exactly what are you talking about here?
25:03 Well, I'm dealing with the three aspects of oneness
25:05 because oneness includes certain things,
25:10 bonding, control, submission.
25:15 I mean, when you deal with oneness,
25:17 you're gonna deal with the bonding,
25:18 because you're coming together.
25:20 Go and deal with control, because as you're one now,
25:23 who's gonna control?
25:25 And you're gonna deal with submission.
25:29 And I'm trying to say this as quickly as possible.
25:33 Bonding is, is going in the thing
25:37 that brought you together.
25:39 Now if the a thing brought you together,
25:41 the need to be may complete,
25:42 the more they make you feel complete,
25:44 the more you bond. Amen.
25:46 The more they make you feel powerful and in control,
25:48 the more you bond.
25:49 The more you did make me feel equal,
25:51 the more you bond.
25:52 The more they make you not feel like that,
25:54 less you bond. Those don't work.
25:59 If what brought you together is God's will.
26:05 Then what's going to cause you to bond,
26:09 is submitting to God's will.
26:12 And the more you submit to God's will which is,
26:14 you know, what brought you together
26:15 so you're gonna continue to do that.
26:18 The more you're gonna bond.
26:22 Then the control, that's again,
26:24 if you use the other one to control
26:27 is more about manipulation.
26:29 I'll give you control as long as you meet my needs.
26:32 You know, and I manipulate you
26:34 and you use manipulation to get control, you know.
26:37 I fix breakfast for you, I'll dress up you know,
26:39 why are doing that?
26:41 So I can get you to do what I want.
26:43 You know, and there are people
26:44 that would--people say, "I want to buy this for you,"
26:47 I said, "Why," you know, if you're doing it for me,
26:48 I don't want that.
26:50 Well, that's what I want to get for you.
26:51 Well, I thought you are doing this for me.
26:52 See you're doing that because it make you feel good.
26:55 And if you're doing it for me then here is
26:56 how I would like for you do it.
26:58 But that's what we do, you know, we say,
26:59 well, I'm a giving person, my problem is, I give too much.
27:02 What if you're giving for the right reason,
27:03 you didn't give, because it's in your heart to give.
27:06 So why is that a problem?
27:07 'cause you didn't expect anything that you gave it,
27:09 just the giving was the reward.
27:11 You gave for a certain response
27:13 that's why it has now.
27:14 So that, you know, control,
27:18 if--again I'll say with control,
27:20 but when it comes to the right method,
27:23 control is given to whoever best ministers
27:28 to the marriage hold in that area.
27:31 And you both because you're submitting to God,
27:33 you submit, you're able to submit to the other,
27:35 because God will work, I said, this one,
27:38 you know, because you're both submitting.
27:40 You know, this one has more capacity in that area,
27:43 to bless the marriage,
27:44 not them, you know. Yeah.
27:48 Well here again, we're just flat
27:50 run out of time, pastor. Okay.
27:52 I just want to thank you so much
27:54 for being here with us today. Yes.
27:56 I mean, it's obvious that you know your,
27:59 you know what we're talking about today.
28:02 And I just want to thank each one of you
28:04 for joining us at Issues and Answers.
28:07 I just ask that God be with each one of you
28:09 and bless you abundantly.


Revised 2014-12-17