Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Duane Anderson, Nancy Anderson
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000371
00:29 Hello I'm Shelly Quinn
00:31 and welcome again to Issues and Answers.
00:33 We're so glad that you've tuned in no matter
00:35 where you are watching from around the world.
00:37 And we have a very special topic today with some special guests.
00:40 I think it's a very important topic.
00:43 We will be discussing communication skills.
00:46 You know, I believe as Christians
00:48 it is very important for us to learn
00:51 how to exercise good communication skills
00:54 and it is something that's learned.
00:56 Now the Bible tells us in Romans 12:18.
00:59 Listen to this scripture.
01:00 "If possible, as far as it depends on you,
01:03 live at peace with everyone."
01:06 The very fact that it starts with if possible
01:08 shows that sometimes
01:09 it's a very difficult thing to live at peace with people.
01:13 But I personally believe that
01:14 if we want to have good relationships with people
01:18 we need to learn good communication skills
01:21 and this is something that is a learned science.
01:24 Here to speak with us today
01:26 are Duane and Nancy Anderson from Mesa Arizona.
01:29 Thank you all so much for coming.
01:32 Now you are the cofounders of C.A.R.E Consultants
01:35 that's an acronym for?
01:37 Care and Renewal Education.
01:39 Okay, C-A-R-E Consultants, Care and Renewal Education.
01:44 And before we-- you had an interesting path
01:48 to come into this ministry that you are doing now
01:52 teaching people a variety of things.
01:55 But let me get a little history on you,
01:58 because I know our viewers would be interested.
02:00 Duane, you grew up the son of the pastor? Right.
02:04 And then you pastored for how many years?
02:07 Well, I worked for 37 years altogether
02:10 and just recently retired.
02:11 All right, and what did you do in that 37 years of period?
02:15 Combination of things.
02:16 I actually thought originally
02:18 I was gonna go straight into business
02:19 so I took an undergraduate business administration
02:22 then I realized the need
02:24 so many young people around my age
02:26 at that time are going through real problems.
02:29 So I decided to take masters in guidance counseling.
02:32 So then I had a combination of--
02:35 well, I went in the pastoring a little later on
02:38 and did guidance counseling within the school system
02:40 kind of a combination of education and pastoring.
02:43 All right, I know you're also a school principal,
02:45 but we'll get back to that in just a moment.
02:47 Now Nancy, you are a nurse is that correct. Yes.
02:50 And did you grow up in the church?
02:53 Yes, my parents were Adventist.
02:54 I was born in an Adventist family
02:56 and went through our educational system
02:58 from church school right on up through
03:01 Hinsdale I've took my diploma nursing there
03:04 and then at Andrews I got my bachelor's degree at Andrews
03:07 and have stayed in the nursing field
03:10 pretty active ever since I graduated.
03:12 Now when you marry Duane had he already taken his masters
03:16 or gotten his masters in guidance counseling?
03:18 Well, we met actually in the library at Andrews
03:21 and he was working on his masters then
03:24 and I was finishing my bachelor's degree at that time.
03:27 Because the question that's burning in my mind is
03:30 you marry someone who is going into guidance counseling
03:35 and sometimes, you know, you think that
03:37 you're marrying this person that's gonna be just this
03:40 wonderful communicator and got it all together
03:42 that's not often the case. No. No.
03:45 Was it the case in you?
03:46 No it wasn't. No it wasn't.
03:48 So what got you interested in our topic today
03:52 about communication?
03:54 Well, of course having taken guidance counseling
03:56 I found I was pretty good at it but I really wasn't,
03:58 because I had never even though I took guidance counseling
04:01 I never really dealt with my own issues.
04:03 And so for the first 15 years of our marriage
04:07 were really rough, I mean, we stuck it out
04:08 we were committed to sticking it out.
04:10 But it wasn't until after that first 15 years that
04:13 I got an opportunity to take these skills
04:17 and actually get counseling for myself
04:19 that I was able to see the importance of it
04:21 because what I did for me it was fantastic.
04:24 Why our communication skills so important?
04:27 Well, so often we just talk from the head level
04:30 and we don't get down to the heart level
04:31 where things really exist, where you life really exist.
04:36 And I had never really had that happen to me
04:38 to get to the real deeper areas.
04:41 And once I got down there and those things started
04:44 coming out and I got the healing that I needed.
04:47 Then when I went back into the ministry instead of just,
04:50 you know, like a band aid ministry
04:51 a little text here and there and,
04:53 you know, God blessing a prayer
04:55 I could actually help the person go deep down into
04:58 where they were hurting and then bring God to that spot
05:01 and get them the healing.
05:03 Do you believe, you know,
05:05 I do think that there is a difference
05:08 in the way men and women communicate?
05:10 Wouldn't you agree with that, Nancy? Definitely.
05:12 And it seems to me that men don't appreciate
05:17 quite as much as women do.
05:19 How their beauty talking can be
05:23 seems that women understand that a little bit more. Yeah.
05:26 But what is when we're looking at this how can talking--
05:31 why does talking make the situation better?
05:34 Well, when you are talking a specific way,
05:36 I mean, so often we just talk, talk, talk
05:38 and the men like you say approach from a different angel
05:41 where they would just want to solve the problem like that
05:44 and of course men have been' warned, you know,
05:45 don't try to solve the problem just listen.
05:49 And there is two different types of listening.
05:51 I mean, there is passive listening
05:53 and there is act listening
05:54 and what we're talking about today is act of listening.
05:58 So a person instead of just saying um-hum, oh, yeah,
06:01 they say like, okay, let me see if I understood you correctly.
06:04 You were saying this, this, this is that correct?
06:07 So they actually check with the person
06:10 and you can see how focus that is and how caring that is
06:15 and how unselfish it is to actually leave my agenda
06:19 and focus on your agenda and what you are going through.
06:22 You know, I believe and I teach that
06:25 when we think about communication skills
06:28 quite frequently we think that if you are a eloquent speaker,
06:31 if you are articulate you have good communication skills.
06:34 Really communication the most important skill
06:37 of communication is listening
06:39 and that is something we all
06:42 as you just said need to learn to do better,
06:44 because we approach things off and we've got our agenda,
06:48 someone else and it's not just men that do this although.
06:51 Have you heard the studies on recent
06:55 psychology studies and brain studies that they've done
06:58 not psychology but brain studies that show
07:01 and had proven that men only listen
07:05 with one side of the brain where as women listen with both.
07:09 So I think that men tend to be
07:13 just by there own wiring more of a passive listener.
07:17 Oh absolutely.
07:18 It takes much more work for a man to get in there
07:21 and really actively listen all right.
07:23 All right, so we're gonna come back to the passive and active.
07:26 Active listening is let me see if I'm saying this correctly.
07:30 Active listening is when you are removing your own agenda
07:35 you're listening for the more than just the content
07:39 but emotion of what someone is saying.
07:41 Oh, yes, absolutely. You really getting down to the--
07:43 Yeah, I mean, you want to make sure you understand
07:44 what the person is saying and that's why I say focus in
07:47 on the key words and repeat those back not parade it,
07:51 because obviously then the person just gets annoyed
07:54 if you just parading back to them what they said.
07:57 But to say, you know, let me see
07:59 if I understand you correctly.
08:01 So again it's tentative language,
08:02 it's not oh you said that.
08:04 You know, and it's you tone too,
08:07 because you've got your body language,
08:09 you've got your tone and then you've got your words.
08:12 And mostly what people believe is your body language
08:16 and your tone.
08:17 So are you saying that if I'm telling you yes,
08:22 I'm listening and my body language is like this
08:27 you've got my attention
08:29 I'm almost like cutting somebody off right there.
08:32 Exactly. Exactly, sure.
08:34 But you said something interesting you said that
08:37 you want to repeat the main content.
08:42 So can you give us an example of that--
08:45 how to just start that?
08:47 Do I understand you correctly?
08:49 Right, yeah you want to start with some type of stem
08:52 you might call it.
08:53 Some beginning that is tentative type language like
08:59 okay, I'm wondering if I understood you correctly.
09:02 Like, are you saying this, this and this.
09:05 I can just give you an example.
09:07 When I was a principal of the Indian school in Holbrook
09:11 the local rotary club came up to visit me
09:13 because they wanted me to become a member.
09:16 And the fellow that came to visit me I was surprised that
09:18 he knew how to communicate.
09:21 Because he said okay, Duane,
09:23 let me see I've understand you correctly.
09:24 You are saying that you are too busy right now
09:27 and you probably wouldn't be able to join right now,
09:30 but perhaps sometime in the future, is that correct?
09:32 And it felt so good that he actually heard me.
09:36 You know, so often we're used to somebody coming in with
09:38 a guilt trip or a twisting your arm or
09:42 trying to put pressure on you for something,
09:44 but he actually let me be my own person.
09:47 Free to share what was really on my heart
09:50 where I was really at and he understood it
09:52 because he could repeat it back the key points
09:55 not word for word, but the main key points.
09:58 So I knew that he understood what I was talking about.
10:01 All right and that is part of active listening as where
10:03 that you really know you've heard what the person is saying
10:06 and we'll talk about the emotional part
10:09 in just a moment.
10:10 But, Nancy, since you are both trained in these skills
10:14 when you started to talking to your husband Duane
10:17 and he turns to you it says
10:19 let me see if I understand correctly, do you ever just go,
10:23 quit practicing that on me.
10:25 You ever feel that way?
10:27 You know, it's really amazing,
10:28 you don't really feel that way
10:30 because I know that he is really
10:32 wanting to hear what I have to say.
10:34 He is not-- he is using those skills to facilitate
10:38 what I'm trying to say.
10:39 Communication is two way, it's what your speaking,
10:43 what you are trying to get out or hide
10:46 and it's what the other person is hearing.
10:50 And we've been involved in a lot more.
10:52 I mean, there are people that said that to us especially
10:54 when we first learned it, right?
10:55 Oh yes, there are people that can say that and that
10:59 it feels when you are learning these skills
11:01 that really does feel awkward.
11:03 It feels like you are being fake,
11:04 like, let me say if I understand you correctly.
11:07 You know, it's like the--
11:09 but you can make it your own stem.
11:11 You can make it, you know, did I hear you say or
11:14 did I get that right I just want to make sure
11:15 I get it right, you know.
11:16 Did you say that and it just-- it facilitate,
11:20 it opens the door and people will just--
11:24 they will just gives you that opportunity to share more.
11:28 Have you ever experience something that were
11:30 it doesn't really facilitate.
11:31 I'm thinking specifically there are times when--
11:34 I first met my husband, he is from Taxes
11:37 and I used to tease him and say
11:39 if you spoke English you'd bilingual
11:41 because Taxes have their own little way of communication.
11:45 But there are times that he'll say something to me
11:47 and I'll say now honey, is this what you are saying?
11:50 And he'll say, no.
11:51 And he repeats it and we talk sometimes on a different,
11:57 we just express ourselves so differently
12:00 that there sometimes it takes me two or three
12:03 really tries to understand where he is explaining it
12:07 in the way that I'm getting what he is saying.
12:09 And sometimes he gets frustrated when I do that.
12:12 If it's a sensitively area that you got
12:15 in your relationship then yeah, it's a matter of finding skills,
12:19 you got a tool box and you've got lots of skills in there
12:22 and you want to pick the one out
12:24 that is gonna work the best for this person.
12:26 So it takes a lot of practice and, you know,
12:30 especially if you are just met a person
12:33 you wouldn't come along with a deep feeling skill.
12:37 For an example like saying, you know,
12:39 sure sounds like you are very angry.
12:41 You know, if you don't know this person very well
12:44 you'd want to come along with just.
12:45 I'm wondering if you are little upset about that.
12:47 They'll tell you if they are very angry.
12:50 So yeah, whether it's in a close relationship
12:52 and you've got a sensitive area
12:54 and you need to find the way to work around that
12:56 so they don't get you irritated about that
12:58 or I mean, you can also focus in on that if you want.
13:01 See, I noticed you got little irritated
13:03 when I used my communication skills on that areas.
13:08 The problem there of course you probably
13:10 already know what it is.
13:11 Well, you know, Shelley, they also say
13:13 I'm not trying to be difficult,
13:17 but I am having difficulty understand just
13:19 where you are coming from.
13:21 So I want to you can disclose where you are coming from
13:24 and profess it with the little statement, you know,
13:26 that you are not trying to be
13:28 stubborn or difficult or whatever
13:31 and but I really-- I do want to understand
13:33 and I am having some trouble here so tell me again
13:37 or let me ask it this way or say it a different way.
13:42 I think sometimes it's very hard for us
13:46 and some people have great difficulty expressing
13:50 what they're really meaning
13:52 and sometimes we don't even know
13:54 what we're really meaning.
13:58 It's the emotional content
14:00 and then we'll address that later as you said,
14:02 but that is that emotional content
14:04 that drives many times our behavior
14:07 and so we aren't even connected always
14:09 with what's going on and so it's hard to express it then.
14:14 So I liked what you said just there
14:16 and I'm not sure that I can even paraphrase
14:18 but I liked the stem question
14:22 that's what we calling these to stem questions.
14:24 And let me see if we can kind of summarize
14:26 what we've talked about so far.
14:28 It's basically when someone comes to you
14:31 if you want to be actively involved in listening
14:34 and they are saying something instead of,
14:36 which we all do instead of just kind of blocking it out
14:41 and continue on reading the paper
14:43 or working at the computer or whatever you're doing
14:46 if you really want to understand someone
14:48 you want to turn back to them and say okay,
14:51 now if I understand you correctly this is what you said
14:54 or I'm wondering if this is what you are saying is,
14:56 this what you're saying I don't remember
14:58 your stem questions you just did.
15:00 Did I get this right?
15:01 Did I get this right?
15:03 I want to understand you. I'm not trying to be difficult.
15:05 I'm just wanted to understand.
15:09 So this is something that and it's not just,
15:12 you know, sometimes it's just regular everyday
15:14 talk between people
15:15 that people just misfire when they communicate.
15:18 Exactly, exactly.
15:20 But now there is something that
15:22 we all do to some extent that shows
15:27 we're not active listening
15:28 and that is we try as you're listening to someone
15:33 we're all we try to figure out
15:34 what that person is trying to say.
15:36 Right, right.
15:37 And we have a tendency sometimes to shut him down.
15:41 Well, I think you call them blocking statements.
15:44 Yes, blocking statements and also it's your lag time
15:48 between what the person is saying
15:50 and when you're going to start talking.
15:52 You've got a lag time in there.
15:53 Are you just thinking about what you're going to say back
15:56 or are you picking a good appropriate way
16:00 to listen to them.
16:02 Yes, if I just came up with a blocking statement.
16:05 Well, you know, you say as well,
16:08 I'm having a little trouble on my job.
16:09 And they say oh well, yeah, I've trouble my job too.
16:12 And that's a way it goes what can you do?
16:14 Or he can say oh what is it about your job
16:16 that you are having trouble with.
16:17 Because if a person says I'm having trouble on my job
16:20 they've left a lot.
16:21 I mean, the natural question that would come to your mind is,
16:24 what is it about your job
16:25 that you're having trouble with.
16:26 But if you don't have time to talk to him at that point.
16:30 Or if you work with a man
16:32 and you think it's about their boss
16:33 and you don't want to get involved
16:35 or for whatever reason or you just clueless.
16:38 You want to share your story
16:39 and that's many times what we want to do.
16:40 We want to share our experience and in fact many times
16:45 we are intending to make them feel better
16:49 and communicate our care to them
16:51 by relating a similar experience.
16:54 But it really backfires,
16:56 because it really serves as a blocking statement
17:00 and shuts them off from being able to, to share.
17:03 So here we are trying to be helpful and caring people
17:06 and we're cutting off the communication process.
17:08 You know, Jim Gilley and I have this
17:10 little standing joke that in Taxes
17:13 somebody tells the story and the next thing is I mean,
17:16 that's part of the excepting communication
17:18 is then you tell your story
17:20 and sometimes you can seem on feeling
17:22 if you hear someone story
17:24 and then suddenly you lunge into a story
17:26 or like it's one-upmanship
17:27 where it's just kind of an excepted thing from Taxes.
17:31 But if I am using a blocking statement for example
17:36 let me see if I'm understanding correctly.
17:38 Someone says to me I've just found
17:42 that I had a lump in my breast
17:43 and I say oh don't worry I had one in mine and well.
17:45 They took it out and it wasn't malignant.
17:48 That's kind of blocking I just stop them from talking.
17:52 So how do we--
17:53 it is a natural tendency
17:55 we think we're making feel better.
17:56 How do we avoid that?
17:59 I mean, the first thing you do is to--
18:01 if he can't think of what to do
18:03 and this is what I usually do
18:05 I again paraphrase what they've said.
18:07 Okay, let me see if I understand you correctly.
18:09 So you found or you had a medical checkup and you found
18:13 that there was some kind of a lump in your breast,
18:15 is there anything else you'd like to talk about with that.
18:19 And, you know, give them an opportunity
18:21 to be able to continue if they want to.
18:24 Again they take the lead, we don't take the lead,
18:27 we just open it up, give them an opportunity.
18:29 We're ready to listen if you want to talk.
18:32 The next skill that goes with that paraphrase
18:35 which is very closely related would be
18:38 and that would be my response to her being,
18:40 you know, if it was a woman to woman would be
18:43 oh, how did you feel when you've heard that news?
18:46 You know, how did you feel about that
18:48 because the next one is like a perception check
18:51 or you're moving from content to,
18:55 you know, their feelings
18:57 or the emotions behind the content.
19:00 And very often the statement is cry for help.
19:06 You know, the person is putting that out there
19:08 to see if anybody is gonna pick up on him.
19:11 And that something that as we use our listening skills
19:18 and I think we probably not have time in this program
19:20 really to get into all the emotional part.
19:23 Well, we'd like for you to come back and do that.
19:25 But as we use our listening skills
19:27 then we can see if they're wanting to talk but,
19:31 Nancy, let's say that we'll use this issue here.
19:34 If you say, how did you feel?
19:36 And someone says
19:37 well, I really don't want to discuss this.
19:40 Then we shouldn't keep blind that's not good communication.
19:45 That's they're telling us
19:46 we're giving them the opportunity
19:48 and for whatever reason they are not able to,
19:52 chose not to whatever we respect that.
19:54 Sure we could say that's understandable.
19:57 You know, appreciated.
19:58 We could also leave the door open.
20:00 We could say, you know, if there is a time in the future
20:02 that you'd like to talk about that I'm here for you.
20:04 That's good. Right. That excellent.
20:06 Very pastoral, very pastoral.
20:09 But that's something that we need to be--
20:11 Yeah, because it's fantastic to be caring
20:14 and loving about with another person
20:16 when you really get into this, it's really rewarding.
20:19 How about when a situation is very emotionally charged,
20:25 how do these listening skills defuse that situation?
20:30 Well, yeah, okay, you are talking like,
20:33 more like an angry thing rather than a grief thing?
20:36 Yes we're saying, yes, yes.
20:37 Like emotionally charged in an anger type of thing? Yes.
20:39 Okay, first of all, I mean,
20:43 I would want to again paraphrase what they were saying
20:46 then I would want to checking on their feeling,
20:50 you know, let say, let me see
20:51 if I've understand you correctly this and this is happening
20:53 and it seems to me like this is really frustrating
20:56 for you is that correct.
20:58 And very often when they are talking
21:00 you'll start getting a feeling inside yourself
21:02 of what that person is going through
21:05 and try that feeling.
21:06 Okay, if I get a feeling of anxiety
21:10 then I'm gonna say I'm wondering
21:11 if you are feeling a little anxious about this.
21:12 Am I right?
21:14 What if I come at you and say,
21:16 Duane, you are crazy and I hate it
21:19 when you're using these skills on me,
21:22 you know, I'm mad at you--
21:23 all right, I don't say I'm mad at you,
21:24 but I'm this, this and this.
21:26 If I tell you, you are crazy how do you defuse that?
21:29 Well, that's true. I do come across this crazy.
21:32 So you'd actually say something on that.
21:33 I would agree to, you know,
21:35 anything I could in there because,
21:37 you know, it's like blowing up a big balloon
21:39 and so even popping on you,
21:41 I want to let some air out of it.
21:43 So I'm going to say it's true
21:44 I come across it's crazy sometimes and I know,
21:47 it's not the first time I've been accused of that,
21:49 I do get accused of using the skills that way
21:51 but I do want to hear what you have to say
21:54 so if it's all right would you continue.
21:57 That skill is kind of like fogging or it's defusing
22:02 that was a good word that you used defusing,
22:05 because when somebody is firing
22:07 things that you are whether--
22:09 it's about them and it's hard to remember
22:11 that when you are directly under attack,
22:13 but it is about them they are not,
22:16 you know, they are full of emotion and full of anger
22:19 and so they are--
22:21 but it's about them, it's not about you.
22:23 And so when you can say
22:25 yeah, you know, sometimes I do speak out of turn or yeah,
22:30 I'm not really always right,
22:33 you know, as caring as I should be,
22:35 I mean, because truly we're not we're human beings,
22:37 so we're not perfect in our response and reaction.
22:41 Nancy, that is an excellent point that it's about them.
22:44 When someone is attacking us
22:47 we take it so personally that we react rather than act.
22:51 So basically what you're saying is,
22:55 that what we should do is take time to act rather than react.
23:01 And recognize that's all about them.
23:03 And let them, let them vent,
23:05 let them be facilitating and is there,
23:09 in fact is there anything else about
23:12 what I do or is there anything about disorganization
23:15 or is there anything else about your neighbor
23:17 or whatever the topic is you know
23:19 that is bothering you.
23:20 And just allow them to get it all out,
23:22 because when you're dealing with someone
23:24 who is so angry it's like dealing with someone
23:27 under the influence of substances.
23:29 You know, they are not rationally thinking,
23:32 they can't make decisions clearly,
23:34 they just are feeling bad and trying to get it out.
23:37 And so you can facilitate them, getting it down,
23:40 getting it out, getting all that poison out as it were
23:43 and then you can talk about the actual issues
23:46 or the problem or what needs to take place.
23:49 Okay, now if we're using these stemming questions trying to--
23:54 and the stemming questions let me understand if--
23:58 let me see if I'm understanding you correctly
24:02 but and then we are avoiding the blocking statements
24:06 of just saying you're mad at me I can be whatever.
24:11 But we avoid the blocking statements,
24:13 but then using these skills
24:16 can they ever be dangerous like you're saying,
24:20 you kind of agree to them to a point
24:23 on what you confine to agree, but do we have to be careful
24:27 how we use these skills? Oh definitely, definitely.
24:29 They are very powerful skills
24:31 and if they are using a wrong way
24:32 they can backfire on you.
24:34 So matter of fact, I was teaching some academy kids
24:35 one time on how to do these skills
24:38 and they went to a sibling and using the wrong tone
24:42 and saying things in rather it's not we're using the skill.
24:46 I'm wondering if you are angry.
24:48 Boom you got punched on nose.
24:49 So you know, yeah, you've got to be careful.
24:52 The tone you use and how you go about them
24:55 and that's why when we teach these skills
24:58 we have a lot of practice, a lot of practice,
25:01 'cause it takes a lot of practice
25:02 to get really good at this and of course
25:04 with Christ dwelling in your heart, I mean,
25:06 you will have that love and if you approach it
25:08 from their view point that you are there to care
25:11 about the person.
25:12 Certainly with these young people the sibling rivalry
25:15 between them was so tough
25:17 already it was easy for something to flare-up
25:18 and that's what happened in that case.
25:21 But you know, again it's a good point
25:24 when you're a parent talking to your child.
25:27 So many times parents,
25:29 kids will come home and say, oh, I hate my teacher.
25:32 You-- they made us stay in for five minutes from recess
25:35 because Johnny was doing such and such, you know.
25:38 We all had to lose our recess time.
25:42 And most parents will,
25:44 you know, want to affirm the teacher
25:46 and recognize that there is misunderstanding or whatever.
25:49 But if you focus on the child's need
25:52 and feelings and try to draw them out
25:55 and help to listen to them
25:56 that shows that you respect them,
25:58 they can get those feelings out and,
26:01 you know, we really do inside half
26:05 a lot of knowledge about how to resolve an issue
26:10 or it takes care of itself
26:11 if we just allow the person to speak it out.
26:15 I think what you just said Nancy is that
26:17 some of this probably try
26:19 to turn the tide of a conversation
26:21 and change someone's mind before we understand
26:25 what's really going on in their heart.
26:26 Exactly, yeah.
26:27 You know, our time has already gone.
26:28 And this was flown by.
26:30 But I want to thank you so much
26:33 and if you can just take about 30 seconds
26:36 and let's just summarize
26:38 what we've talked about today.
26:40 Basically, you know, when Christ said
26:42 to love one another as I have loved you.
26:45 That's was a new commandment for them,
26:46 because they weren't really caring, loving like He was.
26:49 I mean, He was just totally focused on the people
26:53 He was ministering to.
26:54 And that's probably going to be our biggest battle
26:56 is to get over just,
26:57 you know, me and my things and I want to talk about myself.
27:00 And just really focus on that other person
27:02 and let me see if I understand you correctly.
27:05 Are you saying this and I'm wondering
27:07 if you're feeling a little bit.
27:08 Just really focus on that person.
27:10 Yes, so use those stem questions to try to find out
27:15 if you are understanding
27:16 and that's basically paraphrasing the main content,
27:20 avoid blocking statements and be sensitive.
27:24 Be sensitive exactly.
27:26 Okay, thank you so much for being here
27:29 and we're so glad that you're gonna be coming back.
27:31 Duane and Nancy will be returning.
27:34 And we are thrill that they'll be returning,
27:36 because we cannot impress enough on you
27:39 how important it is to learn good communication skills
27:42 and this takes a lot of practice as you said.
27:46 But remember the Lord loves you,
27:49 He is always listening to you
27:50 and He want you to hear His voice.
27:52 So come back and see us again, thank you.