Participants: Shelley Quinn (Host), Lizzie Harrison
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000344
00:30 Hello, I'm Shelley Quinn.
00:31 Welcome to Issues and Answers.
00:33 This is a program where we talk about issues
00:36 that are affecting Christians
00:38 and people other than Christians even,
00:40 and what are the Biblical answers.
00:43 And today we are going to be talking about stop.
00:47 We're going to look at the warning signs of abuse.
00:51 You know, the Bible says Timothy
00:53 or Paul worth is to Timothy in 2 Timothy Chapter 3.
00:57 Listen to what he said about people.
00:59 He said, beginning in verse 1.
01:01 "Understand this that in the last days
01:04 they will become perilous times of great stress and trouble.
01:08 People will be lovers of self,
01:11 they will be utterly self-centered,
01:13 lovers of money and greedy,
01:16 they have a greedy desire of wealth.
01:18 They are gonna be proud, arrogant,
01:20 and contemptuous boasters.
01:22 They will be abusive, disobedient to parents,
01:27 ungrateful, unholy, and profane."
01:29 He goes on to talk about these people
01:32 and here is what he finally says in verse 5.
01:36 "For they hold a form of piety or religion
01:40 but they deny and reject the power of it
01:45 avoid all such people."
01:49 In the Greek he is saying, turn away from people like this.
01:52 What we want to do today is to arm you with knowledge.
01:57 Maybe you are in a wonderful relationship,
02:01 maybe you're dating someone who's wonderful,
02:03 and you think I don't need to know
02:05 about what the warning signs are of abuse.
02:08 But let me tell you, you do
02:09 because there's other people in your church
02:11 that you need to educate, that you need to say.
02:14 Maybe it's your own child and you say,
02:17 you know, there is something here
02:19 that this person you are dating this is a scary sign.
02:22 And if you are in a relationship
02:25 and you know something is wrong
02:26 but you always feel like it's your fault stay tuned
02:29 because we're going to tell you what these warning signs are.
02:32 Please help me welcome retuning to us
02:35 Liz Harrison from St. Louis Missouri.
02:38 Now tell us about your ministry.
02:40 Yes, Harrison's Referral Services
02:42 is a domestic violence organization.
02:45 We help women and children
02:46 that are flaying from domestic violence,
02:49 that are displaced due to domestic violence.
02:51 We help women and children
02:53 get into a safe havens, into a shelters.
02:55 We help with emergency toiletries, food, and clothing.
02:59 And we also offer spiritual guidance and counseling as well.
03:02 And I know that you do a lot of workshops in churches
03:05 and you're trying to really get churches
03:08 off the mark if you will and it's on mark
03:12 but you trying to get them to where churches are recognizing
03:15 these problems of domestic violence and abuse.
03:19 That's correct.
03:20 And praise the Lord for the work that you're doing
03:22 but this comes from something
03:24 you come at this topic with a lot of passion
03:27 because you were abused yourself in your previous marriage.
03:30 Yes, yes.
03:31 Well, what we want to do today, Liz,
03:33 is as you have come to tell us about the warning signs.
03:38 Let's just jump right into the warning signs
03:41 but I want to frame it in this way.
03:43 After you tell us some of these warning signs
03:45 I want to know did you recognize any of these
03:49 in your relationship before you married your husband?
03:52 The warning signs are controlling behavior,
03:57 force to calculating your time when you leaving the house
04:01 and when you are at work. The abuser--
04:03 So when you say calculating the time
04:05 you mean like, if some one is saying
04:06 it should have only taken you 22 minutes
04:08 to drive from work to home, ehy are you 10 minutes late.
04:11 Yes, the abuser will accuse you
04:13 of having an outside relationship
04:15 or maybe stopping to talk to someone
04:17 about what's going on in the home.
04:19 So the abuser is always tracking your time.
04:22 And will give you an estimated time
04:24 of how long it should take you
04:26 to get to one destination to the next.
04:28 Also to you have control in behavior
04:30 forced to telling you where you can go, where you can't go,
04:34 isolating you from family and friends,
04:37 also to the abuser will control the money,
04:40 the bank accounts, checking accounts or whatever,
04:44 also to their control how much money you spend.
04:46 They only give you so much money.
04:48 So you know, they are afraid
04:50 that you might pack up and try to leave.
04:52 They don't want you to have any outside access to anyone.
04:57 When you see the jealousy behavior
04:59 where the spouse or the boyfriend or the abuser
05:02 doesn't want you socializing with other people,
05:05 they isolate you from family members and friends.
05:07 Even your children,
05:08 they will isolate you from your children as well.
05:11 Some other ones signs that we have is that
05:13 when you see that the abuser starts to yell and scream
05:17 and punch the walls sometimes they will be abusive to family,
05:22 they are abused to animals, they will torture animals,
05:25 they are also torture themselves
05:28 to make you feel guilty about what's going on.
05:32 They hold you responsible for everything that is going on.
05:35 Also to they will control that where you can't work,
05:38 they will keep you from working a job.
05:40 What they will do is they will keep calling your job,
05:42 harassing you to the point where you are employer will say,
05:45 you know, we can't accept this anymore.
05:47 We gonna have to let you go.
05:50 Also to the abuser where he will try to control you spiritually,
05:53 you know, as well by telling you
05:56 that you will never amount to anything.
05:58 And sometimes, you know, you believe it
06:00 as a victim of domestic violence you will believe that
06:05 and the warning signs also to can be spill over
06:08 until marking how you cook your food
06:12 and how the house is not clean.
06:15 The abuser is controlling about how the--
06:20 the cabinets or whatever.
06:22 All different types of warning signs,
06:24 like I said, punching the wall,
06:26 it just so simultaneously is as well.
06:29 Really, you know,
06:30 now I want to get back to that premise of that
06:33 how I frame that question as well.
06:36 Did you recognize
06:38 because we're not just talking about domestic violence
06:40 we're also talking about relational violence.
06:45 Sometimes it happens in a relationship
06:47 and people don't see these as red flags.
06:51 They don't see that they need to stop and pay attention.
06:55 Where there any-- now that you can look back
06:58 where there any of these warning signs
07:01 before you married you husband,
07:03 when you were in a relationship did any of these signs exist
07:06 and you just missed them
07:07 or did yours happened after you are married?
07:10 No the warning signs were there I just ignored them.
07:13 You ignored them?
07:14 Yes, and that's not healthy to ignore the warning signs.
07:17 Well, sometimes don't you think that people think
07:19 oh, if I can just love him enough or her enough
07:22 I mean, if I can just be what they want me to be
07:25 then I can get the beyond these things
07:29 or they're just ignorant of facts.
07:32 I've actually counseled with young ladies who have said,
07:36 oh he just, he obsesses over me it's wonderful.
07:40 You know, he just wants me to himself.
07:42 And they don't recognize that what,
07:45 I mean, it's not a marriage relationship,
07:47 it's a dating relationship
07:49 wouldn'tmake it right if it wasn't a marriage relationship.
07:52 But what those warning signs are coming up
07:55 is that this is someone who is crawling them off
07:59 from everyone else so that they can gain control over them.
08:03 Yes, it's a isolation thing where they will isolate you,
08:06 they can only isolate you.
08:08 When they get you by yourself then they can start the torture.
08:11 And when they isolate you from all your family and your friends
08:14 and push everyone away
08:16 because the abuser will push everyone away.
08:18 And when the family is trying to work with the victim
08:21 by trying to get them out of the relationship
08:23 and try to separate you from the abuse
08:25 a lot of the victim starts to side with the abuser.
08:29 And a lot of times the family members are just pushed away
08:31 and leave them because they feel that,
08:33 you know, you should leave them because I said so
08:36 because, you know, this is what you should do.
08:38 But we tend to allow the victim to know
08:42 that they need to flee from the situation,
08:44 they know that they are in abusive relationship
08:46 but they just don't know how to leave because of the bond.
08:50 And you know, sometimes--
08:52 I think you will agree with this.
08:54 Sometimes people don't recognize
08:55 they are in an abusive relationship
08:57 because they are not yet got into the point
08:59 where someone is verbally denigrating them.
09:03 They've not yet got to the point
09:05 where maybe they slap them around or something.
09:08 But these warnings signs are here, you know,
09:11 just controlling obsessive type behavior
09:14 and it will escalate to that after a period of time.
09:20 So would you agree with that?
09:21 Yes, I agree with that. I experienced that myself.
09:23 You know, in my situation
09:25 when I was a victim of domestic violence
09:27 the verbal abuse was there,
09:30 the psychological abuse was there as well,
09:33 and it actually escalated over into physical abuse.
09:36 A lot of times we don't realize that we are being abused
09:38 because we're not being physical punched or hit or slapped.
09:42 So a lot of times the victim will say
09:44 well, well I'm not being abused.
09:46 Well, if you being verbally abuse,
09:48 psychological abuse, your self-esteem has being torn down,
09:51 you know, of that sort you are being abuse
09:54 and it leads, it will lead to the physical abuse
09:57 if you stay in the situation long enough.
09:59 So a lot of times they don't realize that they're being abuse
10:01 but when you explain to them all the different warning signs
10:04 and all the different types of abuse
10:06 then they come to realize, you know, I am being abused.
10:09 I am a victim of domestic violence.
10:11 And they don't realize that until you open up
10:14 the door of the warning signs for them.
10:16 I had a dear friend who, you know, my sister first was--
10:19 her first husband was incredibly abusive
10:23 and she did she ignored some of these warning signs
10:25 and thought that she could just love him more
10:27 and do things right and it will be okay.
10:29 But it got to the point over their married life where if she,
10:34 he come home from work
10:36 if she didn't have enough sugar in his tea,
10:38 he put her in the hospital one time
10:40 because she didn't have enough sugar in his tea.
10:43 And her response after he broke nose and a collarbone
10:46 her response was well, it's my fault
10:49 I know how much sugar he needs in his tea.
10:52 So there is something that happens
10:54 in the psyche of a person
10:57 who has been isolated, who has been control.
11:03 That the kind of-- it's like this net
11:05 that they get this the current start circling in
11:08 and tightening it up and tightening it up
11:10 to where that control it maybe flattering it
11:13 first to think someone cares for you so much
11:16 but then they come in and come tighten it up
11:18 to where you can't look left or right without being--
11:23 What happens with that is that, you know,
11:24 when you've been in abusive relationship for so long
11:26 you start to lose your identity.
11:28 You start to lose yourself in another individual
11:31 to the point where who they are, you are now.
11:34 So you don't have your own identity,
11:36 you're not own person, you don't exist
11:39 and the only reason why you existed
11:41 because the abuser says that you exist.
11:43 And you only able to talk, walk, and eat
11:46 and to be mobile it's when the abuser says so.
11:50 And when that happens when you're closed in or locked in,
11:54 where your identity is totally gone,
11:56 it's almost like identity theft, you know.
11:59 That's a great way-- You know, yes it is.
12:01 And when you do that it's like you're gone.
12:03 You don't even exist.
12:04 You are forgotten into the point where you think
12:06 that nobody cares about you anymore
12:08 so the only person that loved you
12:10 and care about you is the abuser.
12:11 That's what they do to close you and to say,
12:14 you know, I'm the only one that loves you,
12:15 I care about you, that's why I'm here with you
12:17 but its your fault that I'm doing this to you
12:20 because, you know, if you just listen to me
12:21 and just do what I say do and you know,
12:23 that need to be a whole lot better.
12:24 So it's like the guilty part of it,
12:26 the psychological part of it,
12:27 the mental part and the emotional part.
12:30 And sometimes-- as I was gonna say
12:32 I had a dear friend who married man
12:34 who just seemed to be absolutely wonderful at first.
12:39 And bought her a new car had sell everything of hers
12:43 then bought her a new car and she was thrilled
12:45 and but then he took that car away
12:47 and he start trying to isolate her
12:49 and he would come in and pound on, you know,
12:52 pound on cabinets and pound on the walls.
12:56 And I kept telling her 'cause we prayed so hard
12:59 and she, you know, God hates divorce.
13:01 She kept quoting from Malachi, "God hates divorce."
13:04 But I kept asking her, you know,
13:07 you could see all the signs there.
13:09 And I kept saying are you afraid, are you afraid?
13:11 And she'd say no I don't think he is going to hurt me.
13:14 But then he started doing some things that you're talking about
13:17 where he was being rather abusive with animals
13:20 and did some really strange things. Yes.
13:22 That frightened her and his behavior start escalating
13:28 and finally she called me and said, I don't know what to do.
13:30 And I told her I think you need to get out of there
13:32 and he needs some help.
13:34 But there is probably some young person
13:38 that's watching us right now who is saying mine's not like that,
13:43 he's not that bad, yeah, he slap me once
13:47 but you know, he was just really upset with me, he was jealous.
13:51 He, yes, he's a little controlling
13:54 but he just loves me that's why he wants to know
13:57 who I'm with and what I'm doing.
13:58 What would you tell that young person
14:01 who has experience this and thinks
14:04 mine is not like that, he'd never do that?
14:07 Well, I would encourage that they will pray first
14:12 and ask the Lord to open up their eyes
14:13 and to accept the fact that
14:15 this is a relationship that's not healthy for you.
14:19 Not in the short or long term and that you should recognize
14:23 the different type abuse and signs that are there.
14:26 Look for a way of escape, cut the relationship off,
14:30 ask the Lord also to a healthy way
14:33 of separating from the abusive relationship
14:37 or seek counseling, ask questions,
14:40 call different agencies to find out how to separate
14:43 'cause sometimes it depends on how far
14:46 the person is in the relationship.
14:47 How rooted and grounded they are in that individual.
14:51 Hopefully that person is-- they are not have--
14:53 they haven't lost themselves in that individual.
14:56 I will suggest to a young person that
14:57 when the warning signs are there that is your way of escape,
15:01 that is your red flag as I call warning signs are red flags.
15:05 I say get out, flee while you can,
15:07 flee while, you know, you have your life and your being
15:10 and you still have your self-esteem and your safe--
15:13 because once that's tore down
15:15 it's really hard to separate from the relationship.
15:18 Oh, but Lez, I'm madly in love with this young man
15:22 and I just know that I can love him more
15:25 and I can bring him through this.
15:28 And I suggest to on that too is we cannot love a person
15:32 so much to the point where it would change them.
15:35 God said he doesn't have us to be ignored.
15:37 And He allows us to understand that
15:39 what is right and what is wrong.
15:41 You can't love a person enough to make them change.
15:43 You can't love a person to make them not be abusive.
15:47 They are gonna have to get that help himself.
15:48 And, you know, this is a, it's a sin sickness if you will,
15:51 but it's a sickness. Yes.
15:53 And it something that if you love that person
15:56 then you need to put boundaries on the relationship
16:00 and you need to step back
16:01 and you need to tell them you need counseling.
16:03 And let them get into counseling but not just a small period
16:08 and see then that, oh, yes I've changed.
16:11 It's got to be something that they go through counseling
16:14 and walk it out and you watch for few years
16:17 to witness this change, right.
16:18 A lot of times the abuser will say
16:20 that they want to get the counseling
16:22 and what they will do is they will get the counseling
16:24 but they want you to call the counselor for them,
16:27 set the counseling up but that's not them getting the counseling.
16:30 They should do that themselves.
16:32 And what they will do is they go a couple of times
16:35 or you might go with them a couple of times
16:37 and then after that they are right back into the situation
16:41 that they were at once before, they still abusing.
16:44 They haven't really totally changed.
16:45 You have to be spritually changed.
16:48 You know, and it's not just going to a counsel
16:50 you have to be change in Christ Jesus,
16:51 you have to be renewed in Christ Jesus,
16:53 you have be repented of that wickedness.
16:56 You know, and ask God to recreate in you a clean heart
16:59 and renew a right spirit within you. Amen, amen.
17:01 You know, it's kind of like what we read
17:04 at the beginning of the program in 2 Timothy 3:4
17:08 or Paul wrote and said,
17:09 if people are like this flee from them.
17:12 And it doesn't say, I mean,
17:14 we know that we have to reach out with the love of Christ.
17:16 But we need to flee from people like this.
17:19 Now let me ask you another question
17:20 because I think, you know, as we're sitting here
17:22 suddenly I'm thinking about all the times that I have prayed
17:26 and counsel from Scripture with people who are in situations.
17:29 One a young lady that's actually came to me
17:32 highly educated, her fiance was highly educated.
17:36 We kept seeing signs he was very condescending to her.
17:40 He would put her down with these little,
17:43 he was very passive aggressive
17:44 and you knew that she was getting wounded
17:47 but she just loved him so much
17:49 she thought that this marriage was going to be perfect
17:51 and it was not very long after they said I do.
17:56 And probably less than six hours
17:58 he started abusing her physical on their honeymoon.
18:03 And she actually stayed with him for about a year.
18:06 Just feeling like here she just gone through
18:09 this huge expensive wedding and she covered up
18:12 and didn't let anybody know what was going on
18:15 till it got really scary.
18:17 But my question was here we were as the family members
18:24 recognizing something is not healthy about this.
18:28 I know her mother talk to her, I know we mentioned it to her
18:31 and she just didn't see it.
18:35 Is it possible and we need to be talking to our audience now
18:39 that they maybe in a relationship
18:41 and they are hearing their family say,
18:43 you know, he's this, he's that
18:45 or maybe it's a man that's in a relationship
18:48 and he has got an abusive woman that is significant other
18:54 and the family is saying,
18:56 she is doing this, she is doing that,
18:58 or he is doing this, he is doing that.
19:00 Can family sometimes see something
19:02 that you are blinded by love?
19:05 Yes, the family usually
19:06 recognize the abuser faster than we do.
19:09 A lot of times we're blinded with relationship
19:11 because we're already in it.
19:12 And when you're in something you can't see outside.
19:16 But when the people on the outside see inside
19:18 that's when they can recognize that the abuser tactics
19:22 and his ways or her ways or whatever.
19:24 A lot of times we don't want to accept that.
19:26 We want to accept that well, nobody wants me to be happy
19:29 and they are just jealous
19:30 because I have a relationship and they don't.
19:32 You are just trying to destroy it and ruin it
19:33 and you don't want me to be happy.
19:35 A lot to time they feel that way but it's not that.
19:38 You know, it's to guide and to lead you
19:41 to let you know hey, we see this going on.
19:43 You need to recognize this. This is wrong.
19:46 We love you, we are here to support you,
19:47 we want you to be happy
19:48 that's why we letting you know that this is going on.
19:51 Family member can recognize the different warning signs
19:54 when you don't 'cause when you in you don't see out
19:57 and when you out you see in, yes.
19:59 Can you just pray this signs away?
20:01 I mean, can you just say,
20:02 okay, Lord, he is your son You deal with him
20:04 or he is Your daughter you deal with him.
20:06 Can you pray it away?
20:07 I, mean, I'm not saying through God all things are possible.
20:09 Yes, that's true.
20:10 But in most instances I mean,
20:13 God can only work with somebody
20:14 who's going to cooperate with Him
20:16 because God's not controlling.
20:18 He gives us the freedom of choice and free will.
20:21 So it is it something that when a Christians in this situation
20:25 that they are thinking whether harder I pray the more it help
20:28 or what steps should they take?
20:31 Well, sometimes we feel that we can pray things away
20:33 because Lord said, if we pray He will hear us
20:36 when we pray and He will help us.
20:38 But God says also to you
20:39 He doesn't have us to be ignorant.
20:41 Well, sometimes the help He gives us
20:42 is to give us a way out. Exactly.
20:44 so we can pray, you can pray for the individual
20:47 but you won't be able to pray away the warnings signs.
20:50 You want to be able to pray away what the abuser is doing to you.
20:53 You know you can't, you can pray for them
20:55 but you want to distance yourself
20:57 from the abusive relationship
20:58 and pray that the individual gets the help that they need
21:01 and that God will work with them to change and to repent.
21:04 And without repentance He is not gonna do anything.
21:07 The relationship is not going to bound back together that's--
21:10 if it's a relationship that will be bound back together.
21:13 All relationships won't survive the abuse.
21:16 Isn't no guarantee that the relationship will bind together.
21:19 It's all on the individual and whether they are at,
21:22 you know, in a relationship with Christ.
21:24 But if we have a young mother who is watching
21:27 and she has children
21:30 and she is recognizing some of these warning signs
21:33 what would your counsel be to her or your advice?
21:38 Well, my advice will be to her is to pray
21:40 and ask God to work, to go to seek the help first.
21:43 Because well, God is the first help that we used to seek first.
21:46 And then prayer He will offer
21:48 and let us know what the steps that we should take.
21:50 But we do need to take steps and precautions
21:53 to separate yourself from the relationship.
21:55 There is numbers you can call,
21:58 there is hotline numbers you can call,
22:00 you can call 911, you can even call to police station.
22:03 They have domestic violence agencies
22:05 that we work with them also in the police departments
22:07 where they will get you to safe havens
22:10 and get you to domestic violence shelters.
22:12 I will suggest to them when they see the warning signs
22:15 start to prepare for a way of escape,
22:18 or safe way of the escape.
22:19 So what you're saying is that
22:21 these warning signs and recognizing them
22:23 could actually save your life or your children's life.
22:25 Yes it can save your life
22:26 and your children's life as well, yes.
22:28 And this is something that, you know,
22:31 one case, a woman that said that she'd be in grocery market
22:35 and her husband would never let her go
22:37 grocery shopping by herself
22:38 but when they'd leave to grocery market
22:40 he would be in a really bad mood
22:43 and he'd say I saw you looking that man's direction.
22:47 And he was so obsessively jealous of her
22:50 that if she smiled or--
22:53 I witnessed her going from being a vibrant outgoing person
22:57 to suddenly becoming one who was so fearful
23:00 to make eye contact with especially a man
23:02 and what happened unfortunately
23:05 they divorced and went back together
23:07 and he had never lifted a hand to her
23:11 until after they remarried.
23:13 And he eventually killed her.
23:15 So it's something that, you know,
23:17 if you see these warning signs
23:19 you need to get your significant other some help
23:24 either they need, if you're only engaged
23:29 then for goodness sake get away from them for a while
23:32 and let them get that help.
23:34 And it may not go back together
23:36 but you don't want a relationship like that.
23:38 If you are already married
23:39 and you are living in these hell on earth
23:43 because you see these signs and its--
23:45 these are no fun to go through in the beginning.
23:47 Just because someone hasn't taken a hammer to you yet
23:52 doesn't mean that it won't happen and sometimes,
23:54 sometimes it's not a gradual escalation,
23:58 sometimes it can be something that causes them to snap
24:01 and we hear cases all the time on the news
24:04 of people who've been killed by their spouse
24:07 or someone that they are even never met.
24:09 Because they think that they can change the abuser
24:11 and they feel that the abuser would be left alone without them
24:14 the abuser can't take care of themselves without them
24:16 because they're used to doing everything.
24:18 There is the guilt part of going back.
24:21 And when they go back someone who don't never leave home,
24:23 you know, some of them is--
24:25 we've lost a lots of ladies and a lot of sisters
24:27 and brothers as well to domestic violence and it is out there.
24:31 And that something that was surprising you said to you.
24:33 You've been doing this since 2003 in this ministry
24:36 that you find out that there are
24:38 quite a few men who've been abused.
24:39 Yes, that's correct.
24:41 I know I work with a man who-- his fairly new bride--
24:47 I think they've been married less than a year.
24:49 If she got mad at him she'd wait till he fell asleep
24:52 and she take a golf club to him.
24:53 And he was so embarrassed.
24:55 I shouldn't laugh when I say that.
24:57 It just sounds so amazing.
24:59 But he was so embarrassed to finally say that
25:02 and I told him, you know,
25:04 she is abusive and he was ashamed of that.
25:06 So we don't want to leave people feeling hopeless
25:10 because this is a mental sickness
25:14 and it something though that
25:16 often you'll find can be controlled.
25:18 I mean, there are people who abuse their first spouse
25:21 and never abuse their second spouse
25:22 because they say, well, that spouse won't take it.
25:25 So but we need to know that we want to reach out to this--
25:29 the abuser as well for healing for them.
25:32 We're not trying to make anyone feel that
25:36 it's a hopeless situation but you need to be safe.
25:38 Yes, that's correct.
25:39 All right, go ahead.
25:41 So we want, you know, we just really want to encourage that,
25:43 you know, we do not just help the victim,
25:47 we also help the abuser, you know, as well
25:49 to recognize that they do have a problem.
25:51 And that The--happened
25:52 and a solution out there to help them with their problem
25:55 and their illness and that it takes a little time.
25:58 But recognizing that you are an abuser actually,
26:02 you know, helps a whole life.
26:04 When you recognize that you are an abuser
26:06 and that you do need the help and that the help is out there
26:09 and your willing to get the help,
26:11 you know, it's the blessing to do that.
26:12 You know, we just want to encourage that.
26:14 It's not just females and, you know,
26:16 that are victims of domestic violence.
26:19 There are also males that are victims of abuse as well.
26:22 So it's not just a one way thing here.
26:23 We do have men that are actually being abuse.
26:25 And yes it's embarrassing to,
26:29 you know, to have it out and open
26:30 to let people know that you're being abuse
26:32 as a male but it does happen.
26:34 There's a shame factor either way I guess.
26:36 Lez, thank you so much for coming back
26:38 and you will return we want to talk
26:40 about the healing end of this and the support
26:42 but we're so thankful that you've been here to share today.
26:46 And I just want to talk with you at home for just a moment.
26:49 Perhaps as you're watching this program
26:51 you recognize there are some of these warning signs
26:53 either in a relationship that involves you personally
26:57 or perhaps with one of your children
26:59 you see that they are involve in a relationship with that
27:02 or maybe a friend.
27:04 We want to encourage you
27:05 there are support groups out there
27:08 that you can contact and get in touch with someone.
27:12 Call you local mental health center
27:14 and find where there are support groups
27:16 if you don't have access to the internet.
27:18 But if you are an abuser,
27:20 I want to speak to you for just a moment.
27:24 Jesus Christ loves you even though
27:27 you maybe as messed up in the mind as you are
27:31 and there is hope for you for change
27:33 and I want to encourage you
27:35 if this is something that you recognize yourself
27:38 in some of these signs of abuse go talk with the pastor,
27:41 go find some counseling, some Christian counseling
27:44 because God is a God of new beginnings
27:47 and He can change things for you.
27:50 He can make you a new creation in Christ Jesus.