Participants: J.D. Quinn (Host), Dr. Howard Weems
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000310
00:30 Welcome to 'Issues and Answers.' My name is J.D. Quinn.
00:34 We are going to have a wonderful program today,
00:35 because our topic is something
00:37 that I am really have always been interested,
00:40 but I haven't found anybody really talk about
00:42 and that is families in the last days.
00:44 And my guest today is Dr. Howard Weems Jr. Thank you.
00:49 And I would like first of all for the people here
00:53 that are listening to us
00:55 to know something about you. Who are you?
00:58 Well, my journey starts in Georgia.
01:00 Atlanta, Georgia. Okay.
01:02 I was born in a family with seven siblings.
01:07 Okay, I am the only son right in the middle.
01:11 And I grew up Pentecostal, you know, when I was a teenager,
01:16 a literature evangelist came along, selling books.
01:19 And he introduced me to God, he gave me Bible studies
01:24 and from that point, I left and I went to college.
01:27 Because the interesting thing is,
01:29 I had wanted to go to college,
01:32 but could not decide on the right ones.
01:34 So he came along right in time
01:37 to put me on the right path to ministry.
01:38 So God's right on time.
01:40 God was on time. Amen.
01:42 And so I went to Oakwood
01:44 where I studied theology and communication.
01:47 Now Oakwood is where?
01:49 Oakwood University, now university is in Huntsville,
01:52 Alabama, in the Tennessee valley very beautiful location.
01:56 And upon graduating from Oakwood,
01:59 I served in South Atlantic Conference,
02:02 which is in Atlanta, Georgia.
02:03 Now what do you mean, you served?
02:05 As an Associate Publishing Director,
02:08 so I went into the literature work. Okay.
02:12 And then from there I went to
02:13 north-eastern conference in New York,
02:17 you know, I served as a Pastor. Okay.
02:20 You know, in Connecticut, in New York.
02:24 Queens, New York. Upstate, New York.
02:26 Ithaca, Cornell and Rochester and now in Huntsville,
02:32 Alabama teaching. Okay.
02:34 I went back to school during that time to receive a PhD
02:38 in organizational psychology, you know.
02:40 Now I am familiar, first of all I mean,
02:42 this is kind of getting interesting here,
02:45 because we have got a Pastor that's getting into psychology.
02:49 Now I would like for you to explain first of all,
02:53 how that happened because some people don't see
02:55 those two things as connecting at all.
02:58 Right, well when I was a Pastor,
03:00 I was confronted with many different issues in the church
03:03 that I really wanted to understand better.
03:07 I was confronted with incest,
03:10 you know, and I had to work families
03:13 through this horrible situation.
03:16 And I watched families destroy because of that.
03:19 And also Paraphilia, child abuse and other problems,
03:27 you know, that I wanted to have more skills
03:30 and work in families through.
03:32 And so I went back to school and I noticed that two volumes,
03:36 "Mind, Character and Personality"
03:37 book one and two really is a summary
03:42 of what psychology is all about.
03:44 And the original word is Greek.
03:46 Psyche and logos which is understanding the human soul.
03:50 And from my perspective and from reading
03:52 "Mind Character and Personality" you know, it's the same thing,
03:57 you know that's listed in those book,
03:59 so it helps me to keep things in perspective.
04:02 And so, yes, they go hand in hand,
04:05 you know, as far as I am concerned.
04:06 I do not validate my faith in anyway shape or form.
04:09 Amen. Amen.
04:11 I am true to the principle of my faith.
04:12 Now you are a professor now, is that right?
04:14 That is correct.
04:16 And where are you a professor? At Oakwood University.
04:18 Okay, so you went back home.
04:20 Ah, yes, I went back to Oakwood.
04:22 And what is your particular role their?
04:24 I am a Chair of Psychology currently and a lot of people--
04:27 Okay. So does that make you the head dog of Psychology?
04:29 Does that mean where the buck stops here
04:31 is that kind of what that means?
04:33 Well, if you want that, yes, yes.
04:36 A very beautiful opportunity to work with young people
04:41 and to try to instill in them,
04:43 you know, the thing that really helped me through
04:45 when I was coming up. Amen.
04:46 So you're taking the things that you went through
04:50 plus God's word incorporated that
04:53 and now you're actually teaching it. Absolutely.
05:00 Is your classes full because people are
05:04 actually interested in getting into
05:05 Psychology of the ministry or what?
05:08 Well, my particular responsibility,
05:12 I am in psychology and I teach marriage in a family.
05:17 You know, I do have nurses.
05:20 I have theology students, psychology students, sociology.
05:26 I have a combination of students in that particular class.
05:30 In fact, in all of our classes I teach
05:32 psychology of religion. Okay.
05:34 Also so it talks about how religion
05:36 can influence behavior
05:38 and how when religion is not kept in a true perspective,
05:42 it can bring about negative characteristics.
05:45 We become dogmatic, legalistic.
05:49 They would behave in ways that are destructive.
05:52 All though we are religious,
05:54 but still we can become destructive with religion.
05:55 So we have got lots of baggage. Lots of baggage.
05:59 And so I am assuming
06:00 that there's a lot of outside influences
06:03 with good people that they are having to carry forward
06:07 because they want to serve the Lord,
06:10 but yet because of the baggage
06:11 that they have, they get confused.
06:14 They get confused.
06:15 And that's when religion can become destructive.
06:19 And so my whole thing is to keep it in perspective.
06:23 The Bible talks about the woman you know,
06:27 with a cup of wine, you know,
06:30 and there's opposing combination.
06:32 People are drunk after wine at Babylon
06:34 and so if religion is not kept in perspective,
06:39 you can become intoxicated.
06:40 And it can lead to destructive behavior. Amen.
06:46 And so talking about this toxicity of the body
06:49 through this confusion, how do you direct your students?
06:53 Well, I teach them about the truth in God's word.
06:58 You know, teaching the truth in love. Okay.
07:05 Truth is truth, but if it is presented in a negative way,
07:10 then it becomes destructive.
07:13 It becomes destructive, so I try to teach it around love.
07:20 How do we bring the good news into it,
07:23 the good news of the gospel?
07:26 We bring the good news in it
07:27 because we are talking about truth
07:29 and we talk about Sabbath keeping
07:31 which is endorsed in the Bible and how to do it.
07:34 You know it could be enforced in destructive ways
07:37 and I often give the example of a young man
07:39 who grew up in a very cold part of the country,
07:42 I won't say where it was, but it was sub-zero degrees.
07:46 And he refused to permit his son and his wife
07:50 to warm soup on the Sabbath
07:52 because he said that it would be a considered work.
07:56 And so in that case then it becomes destructive.
08:00 You know, so we ought to present everything we do in love.
08:05 So the truth comes in that way.
08:08 And so it has to be balanced.
08:09 It has to be balanced because the devil is seeking
08:12 especially on these last days to get us
08:14 too liberal or too far right.
08:20 You know and we have to be careful.
08:22 Because he wraps it up looking mighty good in all that--
08:25 Absolutely he really does. He really does.
08:27 And so I think that God is calling us
08:29 to be balanced, individually.
08:32 Yes, now we can, this is certainly not
08:34 a 20th century or 21st century issue,
08:37 we can go back into the Bible history
08:40 and we can see that there's probably examples there
08:43 that had the same challenges, is that right?
08:46 Yes, you are very correct.
08:48 Do you want to expound on some of those--
08:50 Well, yes some of the examples,
08:52 if you look at the New Testament when Jesus came
08:55 and I know His people Israel
08:58 had it laid out in certain law
09:00 that you can walk only so far on a Sabbath day.
09:03 You cannot heal on the Sabbath day.
09:06 They had made keeping the law a burden
09:08 and Christ never meant for it to be there.
09:10 Although we are obligated to keep the law,
09:13 you know, but it has to be a kind of freedom.
09:17 Not to do want we want, you know,
09:19 but a liberator from sin and from negative impact.
09:24 So I would imagine like we probably take it back,
09:27 Samson probably had some,
09:30 we all are familiar with Samson and Delilah
09:32 they probably had some issues.
09:34 Right. Absolutely.
09:35 I mean, we can just kind of take this whole way thing,
09:38 but now let's bring it up to the day in the last days.
09:41 We are living in the last days right now.
09:44 At the Seventh Day Adventist we hear this all the time.
09:46 I work at the 3ABN Pastoral
09:49 and I mean I am seeing Mathew 24,
09:52 just everyday something's happening. Absolutely.
09:54 I believe with all my heart that we are living in the last days.
09:58 My father who has just passed away,
10:01 he thought that he was living in the last days.
10:04 But, you know, needless to say and we were closer to the end
10:08 now than it was with him, you know.
10:10 But where are we standing with families in the last days.
10:14 Well, the Bible talks about
10:16 certain issues being defining moments.
10:20 You know, it talks about marry
10:23 and give in into marriage, you know divorces.
10:26 It talks about violence,
10:29 you know in the last days
10:30 perilous times are going to come.
10:32 You know Paul talks about that.
10:35 And Lamech I believe in the Book of Genesis,
10:38 you know kind of bragged to his wives
10:43 of what he would do, you know, they didn't fall into line
10:47 and during his time that was leading up to the flood.
10:52 And we say in theological term Eschaton,
10:55 you know that's moving up to the end of that particular era.
10:59 You know violence increased, increased
11:03 and I think in our day and time
11:05 Jesus talks about the times of Lot, the times of Noah,
11:11 and he talks about how the characteristics
11:16 that defined that generation would also define
11:19 you know, His second coming.
11:21 You know the judgment of the second coming as well.
11:25 And so that's how we draw the connection.
11:28 And in Mathew 24, it talks a lot about that also. So--
11:33 Now expound on that some,
11:34 we have gone from Lot, we have gone from Noah,
11:36 we have gone to Mathew 24
11:39 and now we are in Dr. Weem's class.
11:43 And let's take it a step farther,
11:45 how does this have to do with us today?
11:47 How does this have to do with the violence and everything
11:50 that the youth are involved?
11:55 It means that we should not do church
11:59 so to speak, for the like of a better word, as usual.
12:02 You know we shall look at things from a different perspective
12:05 considering you know all kinds of evil
12:10 will creep into the world or has crept into the world.
12:14 It should not be church as usual,
12:17 but we should be about God business as Noah,
12:20 you know, who labored for God 120 years
12:24 who kept his family together
12:26 and as a result they all were saved.
12:29 Unlike Lot's family,
12:33 you know although many of them were saved,
12:35 but I think his wife looked back in a pin of inspiration
12:38 lets us know they had Lot moved with more haste,
12:42 had it been more deliberate and had he had a greater conviction,
12:47 his wife probably would have saved. I know.
12:50 Okay, so it's time to create families
12:53 with more intentionality and not just casually,
12:57 you know because your salvation is at stake
12:59 and your quality of life
13:01 while waiting for the Second Advent,
13:04 you know, is at stake.
13:05 You know there are many people,
13:07 scarred and wounded because of bad choices.
13:10 And it's not that God cannot save,
13:13 you know, He can save.
13:15 God is trying to correct the problems that we are in.
13:18 You know, but we want a better quality of life.
13:21 We don't want to bring unnecessary trials
13:24 and unnecessary struggles upon us
13:27 especially in these moments,
13:30 the final moments of earth's history.
13:32 So do you see the issues that we deal with today,
13:35 the youth deal with today,
13:36 let's just say media for example. Okay.
13:38 Do you see any big challenge that they have today
13:44 that they perhaps didn't have?
13:46 Let's just go back into the 1700's,
13:49 let's go back into AD 50.
13:52 You know, I mean, just some place in there,
13:54 you know, the media is so allowed well today
13:57 in keeping up with the challenges
13:59 and how does all this fit in here together
14:01 from an eschatology stand point
14:05 as well from just a practical standpoint.
14:09 Right. Polygamy has always existed.
14:13 Affairs always existed.
14:17 But today it is in a broader sense,
14:19 because the media now is worldwide
14:22 and not just TV are we talking about,
14:25 we are also talking also about the Internet, you know,
14:28 which is a very, very dangerous tool to leave unattended.
14:32 You know for children to go on at will.
14:36 I mean, I was casually keying in
14:38 I was looking for information on White House once
14:40 and all kinds of stuff just jumped out,
14:44 you know in my face.
14:45 So we are talking about pornography who deliberately,
14:49 you know, those who are behind it,
14:50 would deliberately try to get as many hits
14:53 as they possibly can
14:55 and so now children are being desensitized to it.
15:00 You know, it's the norm.
15:03 Having an affair is the norm.
15:05 You know you see it on TV,
15:07 you know where this star would meet a person
15:09 and before you know it, they're in bed.
15:12 So we are talking about you know,
15:14 Satan working through the media.
15:16 Although, God works through the media as well.
15:19 Both internet and also the TV.
15:22 You know, but we have to be more intentional
15:24 in protecting our children.
15:26 The family is for salvation and in the book "Adventist's home"
15:30 that I was reading, she says
15:32 that Satan is trying to deface God's image,
15:36 you know, by polluting the family,
15:39 or destroying and breaking down the family,
15:42 which is sacred as the Sabbath, as sacred as the Sabbath.
15:46 And as he is angry with those who keep the Sabbath,
15:49 he is also angry with the family.
15:51 So they go together and they interface.
15:53 The Sabbath and the family you know
15:56 because the Sabbath was made for man according to the Bible.
16:00 You know for us to come aside and share time together,
16:03 to be with each other, to foster, cohesion,
16:06 the congruence if I may use that term,
16:09 so that these family members they were trained,
16:12 they can go out and do the same thing to their family.
16:15 But if we don't do our job than this is how sacred it is,
16:19 people don't realize that God has placed children,
16:23 you know, in the care of parents to foster,
16:27 you know, God like characteristics,
16:30 so they can carry it on.
16:32 And if we mess up,
16:34 the violence we see in this world today among teens
16:36 I think is reflective of an incongruent home.
16:40 You know, disjointed family where children
16:44 didn't get their attention maybe because of work,
16:46 may be because of the negligence.
16:48 I don't know what the cause is odd but,
16:51 but I do know we are in serious times
16:54 and even if you have to stay at home
16:56 and live a more humble lifestyle,
17:00 you know, live off one income.
17:02 We can do it, if we plan it that way.
17:05 So what I am hearing you say is that our priorities are wrong.
17:08 Our priorities are all wrong.
17:10 It should be centered around the children
17:11 and not the children centered around us.
17:14 You know because that's how critical these times are
17:19 and children learn better from the parents in their home.
17:24 And so the home is most influential
17:28 when it comes to fostering, you know salvation.
17:32 It starts in the home.
17:34 People think in the church, no, the home.
17:37 The first teacher originates in the home
17:39 and then the church and then the school.
17:42 And so these are the systems that work together to reinforce.
17:48 And organizational psychology, exactly what does that mean?
17:54 Okay, it is a study of behavior
17:57 in the work place in any organization.
18:02 You know how do you--
18:04 Now would the home be an organization?
18:05 The home is an organization.
18:07 The church is an organization.
18:08 The family is an organization.
18:10 So an organization works better
18:12 when there's congruence or cohesion,
18:15 when everyone is together, let me say it like that.
18:18 It works better and attachment is better.
18:21 And when children are attached to the parents
18:26 then they are some what inoculated,
18:28 the term I like to use against peer pressure.
18:32 You know, you have their ear and they have your ear.
18:37 You have the primary influence
18:39 and not the drug pusher on the corner
18:41 and not the drug pusher in school
18:42 and not the people who are trying to lead them astray.
18:44 So how do we make that a reality?
18:46 You know because needless to say
18:48 this is what all parents would want
18:51 their home to be as a loving home
18:53 and it seems like Satan and his deceptive ways comes in
18:56 and just entices these kids away.
18:59 So what can we do different in our homes
19:03 for a lot of those people out there you know, that says
19:06 "Hey, we have got a loving home
19:08 and at least I thought then I found out,
19:11 my son was on drugs.
19:12 We had no idea that he was on drugs."
19:15 I mean so how can,
19:17 I am saying this politely but talk is cheap.
19:19 Right, Right.
19:21 You say, I mean, we can sit here and we can talk this stuff,
19:25 but how can we walk it.
19:26 What can a parent do
19:28 that's maybe different than what they are doing
19:31 and because I deal with this every day.
19:33 Right, Right.
19:34 In the last days and again we have to be more intentional.
19:40 Intentional, I think I know what that means,
19:42 but does intentional mean to me.
19:45 We have a health message. Okay.
19:48 Before let me say in this term, the neonatal,
19:53 the prenatal and the preconception environment.
19:56 Preconception environment,
19:58 I mean, before we even consider birthing children,
20:02 we should make sure that we are eating right.
20:06 We are not using drugs.
20:07 We are not using, I mean, caffeine,
20:09 anything that would harm the fetus.
20:11 You know because the lack of nutrition,
20:16 or malnutrition is a leading cause
20:18 for attention deficit disorder, a behavior disorder.
20:21 Schizophrenia and a lot of psychological problem.
20:24 So nutrition is vital.
20:26 So that the synopsis in the dendrite
20:28 can make proper connections in the brain,
20:31 attention deficit and all of those disorders
20:33 can be traced back, you know,
20:35 to the pre-conception and the pre-natal environment
20:39 and in the neo-natal I like to say after birth.
20:42 You know, it needs to be in a certain order.
20:45 I mean worship God. Pray every day.
20:48 Eat right, spend time and stay connected.
20:51 I see a lot of parents bringing their children to college
20:54 and at 17, 18 and drop them off and they say it's all over.
21:00 Praise the Lord. And that's when they need to be connected.
21:05 You know the frontal lobe,
21:07 the executive function of the brain
21:08 does not develop until 25 and in some cases it's 30.
21:12 So youthful indiscretion they still can make mistakes
21:16 and that's all right, it is normal.
21:18 But the whole thing is if you are in touch
21:20 with your children and connected with them
21:23 you know, they're less likely,
21:25 you know most young people
21:27 I've talked to make youthful indiscretion
21:30 when there is a break
21:31 in communication with their parents.
21:33 You know, you cannot go a year
21:35 without talking to your children,
21:37 especially when they are 18 and 19.
21:40 You know they need some kind of parental guidance.
21:44 A reminder, did you go to the Sabbath,
21:45 did you go to church today.
21:48 You know, how are things coming?
21:49 And so we need to remain connected
21:52 and make sure our attachment is proper.
21:54 Daddy wanted me let me grow up.
21:56 I want to do things my way, you know I've done in a way,
21:59 but you know, I am ready to go out on my own.
22:02 Right. And I hear that all the time.
22:06 You know but I know that God has given me
22:08 the authority in my home.
22:10 You know, not to rudely enforce His law
22:14 you know, but to help my children understand
22:18 that God would have them to behave in a certain way.
22:22 And, yes, I hear you and I will let you grow up.
22:25 I am not going to overly protect
22:28 you know, but I am going to guide you.
22:31 You know through the choices you make
22:33 until you are old enough to make decisions on your own.
22:37 So we know that it's monkey see monkey do. Yes.
22:41 That is so true because parents are looking up,
22:44 the kids are looking up at their parents.
22:47 And subject to how the parents handle the situation
22:50 I guess is depends on
22:51 whether the children are going to follow.
22:53 You know it gets really complex in there.
22:56 How can a parent exemplify
23:00 a mature relationship with God
23:05 that's going to trickle down to the kids
23:08 and then reinforce that behavior?
23:12 First of all, if you're a genuine Christian
23:15 at your home-- Explain 'genuine Christian.'
23:19 If you're doing what God has called you to do?
23:23 It's in Deuteronomy that's talk about,
23:25 you should teach them diligently when you walk by the way,
23:28 when you go to bed, when you get up,
23:29 when you come in, when you go out.
23:31 So you should teach them diligently,
23:34 the Bible says diligently about God.
23:38 And that's the whole responsibility
23:40 and not only teach them, but live the life.
23:43 If they know that you are trying to obey God
23:47 I think we'll get the respect,
23:48 but in some cases I must say, regardless of what you do,
23:52 they'll still going to do bad things
23:54 and they're going to end up on the wrong side.
23:56 It doesn't matter, but at least you know
23:59 they are less likely if you follow the principles,
24:03 you know that God--
24:04 Because say if you had three children,
24:07 two of them may just grow up to be really responsible
24:10 and then that one,
24:12 the black sheep in all the family
24:15 you know, that he was going to go do things his way.
24:18 So I mean it's just so confusing.
24:21 But even then there is hope. Amen.
24:23 There is hope, but if you look at Samson,
24:25 at least he came back. You bet.
24:27 You know, if you instill it within them they may go astray,
24:30 but you know most of the time they won't go far,
24:34 you know they will maintain their relationships,
24:37 so we have hope.
24:39 If we do our part, we have hope and just continue to pray
24:43 and never stop loving them.
24:45 Regardless, of what they do.
24:46 Even if they do become drug addicts or alcoholics,
24:50 just love them like God would.
24:51 And that's how we develop
24:53 these significant relationships.
24:55 Love, you know not because you deserve it,
24:59 or they deserve it or they earned it.
25:02 But because it is the principle of God
25:03 our God made this love because God loves.
25:06 Amen. Quickly we don't have it, a couple of minutes left.
25:10 Let's talk about the first, say from years three to seven,
25:16 from two to seven, one to seven how important is that.
25:20 Well, from one to seven is what I call the crucial period.
25:25 The brain develops more rapidly during this period
25:29 than any other period.
25:31 It is foundational to character development.
25:35 And any negative behavior that you don't nip in the bud
25:39 at that time becomes more difficult.
25:43 You know to nip as they get older
25:46 it becomes a struggle of theirs, when they get older.
25:49 So the first seven years is where--
25:51 those character building, that's more influential
25:54 than all of the other periods of life
25:57 and so you need to correct
25:59 any bad behavior at that particular time.
26:02 And I guess this goes back to whenever before the parents
26:05 even think about having children.
26:10 They need to have a good foundation. Absolutely.
26:13 They need to have a direction in their life.
26:15 And not just say "Hey, we are in lust,
26:17 so let's go out and set the world on fire."
26:20 And then be there to suffer consequences later.
26:23 Absolutely, they need to be prepared
26:26 and they go out with premarital counseling
26:27 and a whole lot of other things.
26:29 Yeah, so I am sure you that you believe in
26:31 pre-marital counseling. Absolutely.
26:34 What do you think, how long should
26:35 a pre-marital counseling last?
26:40 Jesus taught his disciples three and half years. Amen.
26:44 And so to fully get to know a person it takes time.
26:48 And that's what, I mean,
26:49 I keep mentioning intentionality,
26:51 you have to get to know people.
26:54 You know you have to know the criminal background,
26:56 you have to know the problems in the family,
26:59 you have to know that.
27:01 So you can make informed decisions.
27:05 Yeah. I think it is very important. Yes.
27:09 As we can see we are getting down to where it was,
27:12 we are just nearly out of time.
27:13 Anything that you would like to say in 20 seconds?
27:16 Sure, I would like to say remain hopeful regardless,
27:18 of what you're going through.
27:19 It doesn't matter what God has permitted you to go through.
27:23 If you're in the midst of the divorce
27:24 just hang in there and build character.
27:27 And a little while He that shall come will come
27:29 and He will not tarry. Amen. Amen.
27:33 Well, this has been a wonderful time.
27:35 Needless to say time has been our enemy
27:36 because we are just now getting warmed up for this.
27:39 But I know that we certainly appreciate you
27:42 being with us here at "Issues and Answers"
27:45 and I certainly can speak for 3ABN
27:47 and for Dr. Weems and myself.
27:49 We love you. God loves you.
27:52 And we wish you only the very best that He has to offer.