Participants: J.D. Quinn (Host), Mike and Gayle Tucker
Series Code: IAA
Program Code: IAA000265
00:30 Hello, I am J.D. Quinn. This is "Issues and Answers."
00:34 Welcome today. We've got a wonderful topic.
00:37 We're going to be talking about 'Marriage.'
00:39 In fact, we're going to be talking
00:40 about the 'Spirituality in Marriage.'
00:43 So I just want all of you to listen closely
00:46 because this is going to touch each one of our hearts.
00:49 I always like to start with a scripture.
00:51 Today, our scripture is taken from Hebrews 13:4.
00:55 "Marriage should be honored by all,
00:58 and the marriage bed kept pure,
01:00 for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
01:05 I want to welcome our guests today.
01:07 We have Pastor Mike and we have Pastor Gayle Tucker
01:12 from Arlington, Texas. That's right.
01:14 Tell us a little bit about yourself very quick.
01:16 Well, Gayle and I have been pastoring
01:18 in Arlington for 14 1/2 years.
01:21 And I also am a Speaker Director for Faith for Today.
01:25 And we have two adult daughters.
01:27 We are empty nesters. And what else?
01:30 You don't look old enough to be in here.
01:32 Aren't you nice?
01:36 No, believe me, we are--
01:39 we've been married what? 31 years. 31 years.
01:41 My goodness. That's right.
01:42 Yeah, that's good. The Lord has been good.
01:44 Amen. They've been good years.
01:45 At least for me they have been good.
01:47 Oh, they're good. All right, good.
01:48 Yeah, I have to agree with that.
01:50 Oh, I know that both of you are very, very busy
01:52 and I also know that you put on a lot of seminars on top of,
01:57 you know, all of your church work and everything.
02:02 I know that in your marriage seminars
02:04 and you've also written a book about spirituality.
02:08 Exactly what do we mean by spirituality?
02:11 You know, sometimes it's easier to talk about
02:13 what spirituality is not before we talk about what it is.
02:16 What spirituality is not is Sabbath keeping.
02:21 Now Sabbath keeping may be
02:23 an expression of your spirituality,
02:25 but that is not primarily what it is.
02:27 It's not vegetarinasm. Amen.
02:30 It's not Streicher tendency, although,
02:33 those things may eventually be expressions of spirituality.
02:38 Sometimes we look at spirituality
02:39 as being those things or maybe an understanding
02:42 of end time events or an understanding
02:44 of doctrine or prophecy.
02:46 And those things maybe an expression of spirituality,
02:49 but they are not essentially spirituality.
02:52 Spirituality s one thing
02:54 and that is seeking the face of God. Amen.
02:58 To know Him, to experience Him,
03:00 to long for Him, to know Him intimately
03:04 that's spirituality to seek Him and to experience in Him.
03:09 Now this begins though by an understanding of the Gospel,
03:13 a recognition of our inability to be God our self,
03:18 a recognition of our need and our utter helplessness
03:21 when it comes to our salvation.
03:23 Our utter dependence upon God for our salvation.
03:27 It starts with recognizing
03:28 that He is supreme and we are not
03:31 and He saves us by His grace
03:33 not by our works, but by His grace.
03:35 Amen. That's were it begins.
03:37 Is knowing who He is and who we are.
03:39 We are sinners in need of His salvation.
03:42 And He is God and then we seek Him
03:44 and we long to experience Him. Amen.
03:47 That's the gospel right there, is it not?
03:49 Yes, it is. Amen.
03:50 How do we apply this to our marriage?
03:53 You know, it's for some reason it's difficult.
03:57 It seems like it's hard
03:59 to talk about spirituality with one another.
04:03 It's hard to have spirituality in your marriage.
04:07 And so people say, "Well, why,
04:08 you know, is that really necessary?
04:10 Can't we just love each other, you know.
04:11 Can we just, you know, do all the things
04:13 you're supposed to do in your house?"
04:16 But actually when we have spirituality,
04:19 when we are seeking the face of God,
04:22 then we are connecting ourselves with the source of life
04:26 and joy and love. Amen.
04:28 You know the Bible says, I've come that you may have life
04:31 and that you may have it abundantly.
04:34 And I'm telling you these things so that your joy may be full.
04:38 And what do we want in our marriage
04:40 is more than life and joy and love.
04:43 Very well plugged.
04:44 That's exactly what we're looking for.
04:46 And so when we're seeking the face of God
04:48 we are putting ourselves in connection with the one
04:50 who can provide those.
04:52 And yet that is difficult because spirituality means
04:55 that you have to be vulnerable and open.
04:58 There can be no hiddenness, can there?
05:00 We have to be open before our Lord
05:02 and if I'm going to share that with my wife
05:04 that means there's has to be an openness here.
05:06 She has to see that there are flaws in me
05:08 not that she would not see that already. Yes.
05:11 I mean, we've been living together
05:12 for 31 years in marriage.
05:14 So there's very few flaws that I have
05:16 that she's not aware of already,
05:18 but to admit that to her.
05:19 Sometimes is a difficult thing for me to do.
05:22 And, yeah, that's the key to spirituality, isn't it?
05:24 But when we have spirituality,
05:26 when we are seeking the face of God,
05:27 it fits us for relationship.
05:30 You know, when the Bible talks about the fruits of the spirit.
05:35 It says, love, joy, peace, long suffering,
05:38 gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.
05:42 If you just think about your home,
05:46 what more would you want than those things to be in your home.
05:50 That in your home-- it's a place of love.
05:52 It's a place of joy. It's a place of peace.
05:55 You know, we're seeking peace.
05:56 You're not going to find that out in the world.
05:59 You know, as much as you may have
06:01 colleagues or friends that you enjoy.
06:05 You can not trust that out there,
06:07 you're going to find a safe haven. No.
06:09 But when we are seeking the face of God,
06:12 when we allow the fruits of His Spirit to be a part of our home
06:17 then we will find that in our homes.
06:19 Amen. And those fruits--
06:20 that's the result of seeking God's face.
06:23 That's not something that I can't drop on my own.
06:25 That I can produce in my home.
06:28 That's something that God gives to me as a gift,
06:32 as a result of having sought His face.
06:34 Because seeking His face to know Him
06:36 means that I'm going to become more like Him
06:38 and that makes me-- those things that we just talked about.
06:41 That produces those fruit in my life
06:43 and in your life and in our home.
06:45 And when we do marriage seminars,
06:48 you know, we'll ask people just close your eyes
06:50 and think about those fruits of the spirit
06:53 and imagine your home being a place
06:55 where there is patience, where there is gentleness,
06:59 you know, when someone speaks
07:01 they speak with gentleness, they speak with tenderness.
07:05 There is temperance.
07:07 In other words, there's a balance in things.
07:09 And it's just a beautiful thought,
07:12 a beautiful idea to know that those fruits
07:15 can be present in your home.
07:18 And the way that we find that is simply
07:21 by seeking God's face and doing that together.
07:24 It's not just-- I'm doing it over here
07:25 and Mike's doing it over here or you're doing it here
07:28 and Shelley's doing it over there,
07:30 you know, we're doing it together. Amen.
07:33 And it creates an atmosphere in your home
07:36 that you would desire. That's true.
07:39 What I'm picking up, you know, we all have different
07:42 guest terminology, but you're on the same page.
07:44 And there's a peace on being on the same page.
07:46 You know I guess that, you know, it certainly is biblical
07:49 that we want our will to line up the will of Jesus Christ.
07:52 You know, because then you have that peace, you know.
07:55 And so this is what we're talking about here.
07:58 Yeah. Go ahead.
08:01 Another benefit is that it gives you a foundation
08:05 upon which to make decisions in your home.
08:09 And we talked about this in another program that,
08:11 that sometimes we don't have any foundation
08:13 upon which to decide, which way we're going.
08:16 And if Christ is the foundation then you look in His word
08:21 and you're going to have a way to decide
08:24 what you're going to do in your family.
08:26 What you're going to do with your children?
08:27 What you're going to do in your home?
08:29 Another benefit of spirituality though is
08:32 it provides intimacy for the two of us.
08:35 You know, how can I expect to have intimacy with my wife
08:38 if we can't agree on the most basic,
08:40 the most tender, the most intimate thing in life
08:42 and that is to know and experience God.
08:45 But when we seek Him together
08:47 we are drawn closer to the center,
08:49 because Jesus Christ is the center of all things.
08:52 And as we do that then we come closer to each other,
08:54 don't we? Yeah.
08:55 And so when we find intimacy there--
08:57 in Christ we have that closeness to each other then too.
09:01 It brings us closer together.
09:03 It helps us to find that intimate relationship. Amen.
09:06 I think the fourth benefit that we usually speak of is
09:11 that it provides an avenue for forgiveness. Yes.
09:15 You know the fact is you're married to an imperfect person
09:18 and your spouse is married
09:20 to an imperfect person. That's right.
09:21 And there are going to be so many times when--
09:24 when you hurt one another, when there are injuries,
09:27 when there is just, you know,
09:29 an unkind word or there's something bigger.
09:31 And if there is no way to get rid of that
09:35 then its always going to be between you
09:38 and it's going to drive you apart. It will.
09:40 But, when you are seeking the face of God,
09:43 you're seeking the one who provides a way
09:47 to get rid of those things,
09:48 because He provides forgiveness
09:51 and you don't find that anywhere else.
09:53 No, you don't.
09:54 In fact, I read about an interview
09:56 that was done on British Television with a famous atheist
10:00 and her comment-- one comment was,
10:03 you know, I really admire you Christians for one thing.
10:06 She said, "I have no one to forgive me."
10:09 You know, as an atheist you don't. Wow, that's right.
10:11 You don't have anyone to forgive you plus,
10:13 you don't have anyone to help you forgive others. Amen.
10:16 The bitterness wells up inside of you.
10:18 If you're not forgiven, you're not likely to forgive others.
10:20 And so it's just builds and grows--
10:22 So what do you do with it?
10:24 But Jesus says, "I will take that.
10:27 I will take it away and I'll make it right in the end,
10:30 you don't have to worry about it."
10:31 That's right. "I will do it."
10:33 And if you just trust Me you can hand it to me,
10:35 you don't have to carry it around.
10:37 If people could just understand that
10:40 and it is that simple. It is.
10:41 You know, if you will just surrender
10:43 and people don't understand exactly
10:44 the surrendering process, but it's just giving to Him
10:47 and let Him take those burdens.
10:49 You know, position yourself.
10:51 Let me fight that battle for you. That's right.
10:53 My goodness, how--
10:55 It does. It changes everything.
10:56 It changes every perspective of your life,
10:59 every attitude of your life, it changes everything
11:02 because now you can go through life
11:04 and you're less critical of others.
11:06 You know, if I'm not forgiven
11:08 or if I'm afraid I'm not measuring up
11:10 which, you know, the Gospel takes care of.
11:13 It says, you don't measure up and it's all right
11:15 because Jesus Christ is measured up for you.
11:17 But if I don't know that then I'm going
11:20 to enter into the comparison game.
11:22 And I want to say, well, I may be wrong here,
11:24 but you know, what?
11:25 You've got worst things going on in your life.
11:27 You're wronger. Yeah, you're wronger than I am.
11:30 You're worse than me.
11:31 And so we begin to, we cannibalize each other. Yes.
11:34 You've seen this in churches that are so legalistic
11:37 and so judgmental of one another that they eat each other alive.
11:43 And just devour one another. So sad.
11:46 When that takes place in your home,
11:48 there is no joy, there's no safety.
11:52 Legalism, I believe is the worst thing going.
11:56 I believe that is the antithesis of Christianity.
12:00 It is paganism, feeling that we basically have to earn our right
12:05 or do something in order to win the favor of God
12:08 and to be accepted by Him.
12:11 Basically, our acceptance is based
12:12 upon what Jesus has done for us and He changes us,
12:16 but He changes us to where we're more accepting of others
12:19 and we don't cannibalize one another. Amen.
12:21 We accept each other. Amen.
12:23 And I mean that's true love. Yes, it is.
12:26 You know, which is respect.
12:27 It's respect that 's just a bridge of it's own.
12:30 That's right. That's right.
12:31 You know, it's that safety net
12:33 that you're talking about, you know.
12:34 But even then we have to have practical means
12:36 of making this happen. Exactly.
12:38 So, you know, we can talk about
12:40 the principle of spirituality in seeking God's face,
12:43 but then how do you do this?
12:45 And for some reason it seems like
12:47 it's hard to do in marriage.
12:49 You know, you would think we've talked about all the benefits,
12:52 should be easy, you know, I agree with all that,
12:54 I would love to have all those things in my life,
12:56 but why is it hard?
12:58 And I think the first reason it's hard is because
13:00 it's just at enmity with our natural spirit.
13:04 You know, we have a sinful spirit.
13:07 And so for us to be open and transparent
13:11 to another person in terms of our spirituality
13:14 is sometimes very difficult. It is.
13:16 We've talked to a lot of pastors and we've struggled
13:19 with this ourselves about praying together.
13:23 That it's sometimes difficult to pray together.
13:26 And we've met with different pastors groups
13:29 and they kind of, confess privately,
13:31 you know, what? It's hard for my wife and I
13:33 to pray together because that opens you up.
13:36 You know, when you open your heart before the Lord
13:39 and you pray together and you tell him what's in your heart.
13:43 And then your spouse sees you, go out and do something that's,
13:46 you know, completely opposite of that.
13:49 Then, you know, it seems to be-- it doesn't line up.
13:52 Well, it's just being double-minded.
13:54 Yes, yes. Yes.
13:55 And yet we all are. Yes.
13:57 You know, there's not one of us that's perfect. That's right.
14:00 And so that double mindedness is there in us.
14:03 And certainly our spouse is going to see that. Yes.
14:06 Certainly, the Lord does. And that's a part of this--
14:09 And, of course, that creates confusion
14:11 and we certainly know, you know,
14:12 that God is not the author of confusion.
14:14 And so just bringing that together it's back in there,
14:18 being on the same page and so.
14:20 So we're talking about the practical aspects.
14:22 Right. Yes.
14:23 So practically how did you this?
14:25 I think you start personally and that is learning
14:27 how to seek God's face
14:29 and that means receiving the Gospel,
14:31 recognizing that you've been accepted,
14:33 you are forgiven, your salvation is secure,
14:36 you can trust Jesus for that.
14:38 And then we grow in Him personally by experiencing Him,
14:41 by practicing what we would call
14:42 spiritual habits or spiritual disciplines.
14:46 Prayer, meditation, worship, giving, praise,
14:51 those kinds of things which--
14:52 in fact, I've got a book coming out on that
14:54 this Spring entitled "Every Good Thing."
14:57 It's looking at those spiritual habits that we form.
14:59 It's found in the Book of Psalms.
15:01 So we do that individually,
15:03 but then we need to do it together.
15:05 And we begin to share our walk with each other. Yeah.
15:09 And I think one thing to do
15:11 is just to start with small things.
15:13 If this is not something that a person--
15:15 that a couple has done a whole lot of, start small.
15:19 If I have a devotional thought in the morning
15:23 that I read and it means something to me.
15:26 Then I can say, you know, I read this thing this morning,
15:29 what do you think about this?
15:31 And just share-- if a prayer has been answered.
15:35 You know, I was doing such and such today
15:37 and I know that the Lord answered my prayer
15:40 and I want you to hear about it. Right.
15:42 And share those things.
15:43 Share your journey with your spouse.
15:45 I know, Shelley, does that with me, you know.
15:47 She gets up little earlier than I do
15:49 and whenever I get up if she's read something that's special.
15:53 She says, "You've got to hear this
15:54 and she has to dominate it and it really is a precious...
15:57 Yeah, it is precious.
15:59 You know, it's nice that she thinks enough of me
16:03 and it's nice that I think enough of her
16:04 that we will both take that time out and--
16:06 That's true. And unless that--
16:08 Share that with each other. Yeah.
16:09 Listen and experience that together.
16:12 Gayle quite often will get up early in the morning
16:14 and I think it's important to have a place
16:17 for your quiet time and Gayle uses our walk-in closet.
16:22 You know, they say pray in the closet, I do--
16:23 That's what she does. Wow. So you do it literally.
16:25 So she's sitting on the floor of the closet,
16:27 crosslegged with a Bible in her lab, you know--
16:29 Well, I got started with that
16:31 because when our children were home,
16:33 there was just no place to be,
16:35 where there wasn't someone else except the closet,
16:37 so that was it. She goes in the closet.
16:39 And so I can remember getting ready one morning
16:41 thinking she was already gone
16:43 and I walked into the closet and there she sits,
16:45 I nearly stumbled over, you know.
16:47 Well, I don't want to disturb her,
16:48 but let me grab my pants. I need to get a shirt.
16:52 But still it's an exciting thing to know
16:54 that my wife is seeking God's face
16:56 and that she is doing that on a daily basis.
16:59 For her to know that I'm doing the same thing,
17:01 that I'm reading through scripture,
17:02 that I'm trying to figure out what God wants from me
17:05 and then to be able to share that together to read a passage.
17:08 You know, this is what I'm studying today
17:10 and this is what it means to me.
17:12 I haven't known either one of you very long,
17:14 but I've spend enough time to know
17:16 how special your relationship is with each other.
17:20 And I know that, that doesn't happen accidentally. No.
17:23 I know that it does take work.
17:25 But I'm beginning to see how all that comes together
17:28 because you have focalized in, on the Lord Jesus
17:32 as being the focal point of your relationship.
17:35 Oh, He has blessed us in a way that's just amazing.
17:39 It is like He just picked us up and put us together
17:41 and our relationship is to His credit.
17:46 It is. It's to His glory.
17:48 Another thing, that we can do together
17:51 I think is simply to share our ministry together.
17:54 To have something that you do as a family or as a couple
17:58 that is reaching outside of yourself.
18:00 And it can be something you do at church.
18:03 It can be something you do in the community.
18:05 But certainly all of us need to be involved
18:07 in some form of ministry,
18:09 some form of working out for others.
18:13 This is what God has done for us.
18:14 It can be something like bringing food to people
18:18 or it can be sharing your walk with others
18:22 and sharing a Christian track with Him
18:24 or giving Bible studies
18:26 or something you do at the church.
18:28 Maybe you can teach a Sabbath school class together
18:31 or you're in charge of a youth group.
18:33 Gayle and I've done that together.
18:35 At times, in our church even as large as it is,
18:38 there have been times when we didn't have
18:39 an early teen leader, 7th and 8th grade,
18:41 you know, and that frightened some people.
18:43 And so Gayle and I have taken it over.
18:45 We've done that at times for a 12-month-period,
18:47 18-month-period and other times for 2 or 3 months.
18:50 We just thoroughly enjoy that. We enjoy the kids.
18:53 And we-- again, we have three services at our church.
18:56 The middle service I don't usually preach at,
18:58 sometimes I do, but not usually.
19:00 And so I'll preach first service,
19:02 we'll run over and do early teen Sabbath school
19:04 and then we'll run back and do the last service together.
19:07 And it's just-- it really is a lot of fun.
19:09 Planning for that and doing it together. It is.
19:11 I know a lot of people tell me they will feel,
19:13 "Well, I'm inadequate
19:14 'cause I don't really know enough."
19:16 So they don't want to maybe get into the teaching right now.
19:18 But, the ones that I have talked to,
19:21 they love being greeters. Yes. That's right.
19:23 Because they get to meet everybody. Perfect.
19:26 And so you know, that's a good place to start, right there.
19:29 Oh, it's one of the most pleasant things you can do
19:31 and most important. Yes, it is.
19:33 First impressions come from those meetings. That's right.
19:35 We've got families that do that together.
19:37 Mom, dad, the kids, you know, they'll take over a Sabbath
19:40 and greet that Sabbath
19:42 and it's really neat to see that families,
19:43 they welcome you and-- That's right.
19:45 Just do something kind for your neighbors,
19:47 you know, that's another way to minister together.
19:50 And it doesn't have to be that,
19:52 "Oh, I don't know how to go give them a Bible study."
19:54 It doesn't have to be that.
19:55 Just share God's love in some practical way.
20:00 I know one situation here, is we have a lady here
20:03 that bakes bread and I'll never forget
20:06 the time when she brought that first loaf of bread.
20:09 I mean, it's funny the things that we remember,
20:12 but I'll never forget that. You know, I mean, just...
20:15 When I used to be a hospital chaplain
20:18 and when I was doing that--
20:19 it was my job to do the grief recovery programs
20:22 and we did five weeks of grief recovery, four times a year.
20:26 And every time I did this, we were having 60,
20:28 80 or 100 people come to these things.
20:31 And every time I did one of these things,
20:32 one woman in particular was there every quarter.
20:36 And she would come and sit next to someone
20:38 for the entire five weeks.
20:40 And the next quarter, she would be sitting next to someone else.
20:43 And the crowds were so large.
20:44 I didn't get a chance to talk to her.
20:46 And finally, I talked to her and she told me the story
20:48 of how her four-year-old son had died in an accident
20:52 and how difficult it was.
20:53 And she would come to grief recovery
20:55 and really was not doing well and finally she made a surrender
20:59 and she started saying her goodbyes
21:01 to her son and her relationship.
21:03 But what she did from then on is that basically
21:06 she would bring her neighbors to grief recovery.
21:08 Anyone who would have a loss in their family,
21:11 anyone at her church or in her family
21:13 who would have a loss, her ministry was to say,
21:16 "I want you to come with me to grief recovery."
21:18 She would pick them up and bring them and sit with them
21:20 and just love them through that process
21:23 and that to her was a ministry.
21:24 It was such a wonderful ministry.
21:26 And every quarter, she bring someone else back.
21:29 And she would be sitting there with them
21:30 through that grief experience, just loving them.
21:32 Amen. Amen. So that was a win-win situation.
21:34 Yes, that's right. Amen.
21:36 So having a ministry that you can do together
21:38 is just key to finding that intimacy together
21:42 and to grow in together in Christ.
21:44 I think that also attending worship services together
21:48 is another thing that you do in order to,
21:51 to build that spirituality
21:52 because there you worship God together,
21:54 you praise him together,
21:55 you sing the hymns together,
21:57 you can talk about the sermon together,
21:58 as long as you're talking positively about it, you know.
22:01 If you go home and you roast the preacher,
22:03 this does not enhance spirituality, you know.
22:05 You know, that's good.
22:07 But to talk about what you have learned today
22:10 and to worship together
22:11 and to enjoy that experience together
22:13 is another way of enhancing your spirituality
22:16 together as a couple.
22:18 You know, another thing that we have
22:20 as a benefit in being married
22:22 is that we can be accountability partners for one another.
22:25 Yeah, it's so important.
22:27 You know, there are so many areas in spirituality
22:29 when you say, you know,
22:31 I really want to do better in this area,
22:34 can you help me with that?
22:35 Or would you just ask me everyday,
22:40 have you read anything today from the scripture
22:43 that meant something to you?
22:44 And that's a reminder that you know
22:46 what I need to be in God's Word today. That's right.
22:50 And we can serve as accountability partners
22:52 for one another and...
22:54 There are some people who want to service
22:55 as an accountability partner
22:57 without their partner's permission.
22:59 That's not a good plan. No.
23:01 You know if you haven't invited me and I say,
23:03 "Are you reading your Bible today?"
23:06 That's not it. No.
23:07 That's not what we were talking about.
23:09 We are talking about two people agreeing. Yes.
23:11 This is something I need help in and you can help me.
23:13 Would you do so by asking me this question on a daily basis?
23:17 And I found that most people that really respect each other
23:20 and can trust each other, you know, they wont--
23:23 they're asking their mate,
23:25 you know, how can I improve myself?
23:27 Right. You know, where am I?
23:29 How did I do this time, you know?
23:30 What-- could you see Jesus in me?
23:32 That's right. And I mean those are important.
23:34 Have you trust your mate?
23:36 Now your mate has to be honest enough
23:37 so that you have to have that relationship,
23:39 so that you're not intimated
23:41 that you can take the pros with the corns,
23:43 you know, but-- That's right
23:44 That's right and sometimes that's hard
23:46 because we want to look good all the time.
23:48 We don't want to have them one up us
23:50 or anything like that, you know.
23:52 But we need to be open and honest enough
23:54 that when they say, you know,
23:57 I didn't think that what you did there was the best,
24:00 that we are willing to take that. Right.
24:02 And it is not always easy. No, it's not.
24:04 Men in particular want to be admired
24:06 and respected by their wife.
24:08 And when she's sharing something with me,
24:11 where maybe I did not meet the full goal
24:16 that can be intimidating to me and it can make me feel
24:20 that I'm being judged or criticized.
24:22 And so it's a delegate balance there,
24:24 but we have to be agreed together.
24:26 It has to be perfect trust in my heart towards Gayle.
24:29 In order for her to be able to say,
24:31 Mike, I don't want to be critical,
24:33 but this is an area we've talked about
24:35 and maybe that wasn't the best today,
24:37 what do you think?
24:39 And I think when we are talking about spirituality
24:40 it needs to be an invited thing. Invited thing.
24:43 You know, that he has asked me
24:45 to give him feedback in a certain area. Yes.
24:48 She can volunteer to do it. I don't know.
24:51 If I'm just saying, you know I don't like this
24:52 about what you are doing.
24:54 That's not going to help. It's not constructive.
24:57 And women unfortunately, we have a reputation for nagging
25:02 and there is nothing that will breakdown love
25:05 faster than nagging. Yes.
25:07 You know, the husband just wants to put a wall there
25:09 because I don't need to hear this. Right.
25:11 And if wives are looking for their husband
25:15 to be close and open and want to share spirituality
25:19 then you cannot nag because that will shut it down
25:22 faster than anything.
25:23 Yeah, nagging will not only shutdown spirituality,
25:26 but it tends to make a man feel less of the man. Yes.
25:29 And that's not something you want either with your husband.
25:31 You want him to be a man and to feel like that
25:34 that he is God's man for this house.
25:37 So it has to be an invited thing, doesn't it?
25:39 Yes, it does.
25:40 It's a delicate situation there,
25:41 you know, but you got to start some place
25:44 and I think because of the respect
25:46 and it works itself out.
25:47 You know, but it is a delicate situation.
25:50 I think also planning to have family worship
25:53 is another key element for having the spirituality.
25:58 We have talked about having in individual worship
26:00 and asking each other,
26:01 but then to have an opportunity to,
26:03 as a family come together and to worship.
26:07 And when children are small, this can be more of a playtime.
26:10 You sing songs, we used to use the felts with our kids,
26:13 you know, to have family worship or we would do--
26:16 We used the back of the couches,
26:17 the felt board, you know-- That's right.
26:19 Or we would play Bible Charades and the kids really enjoyed that
26:23 as we would act out a Bible story
26:24 and the other two would have to guess what it was.
26:28 Man, we're running out of time.
26:31 This is a subject, you know.
26:34 Well, marriage in itself is just a wonderful subject.
26:36 We've got probably about 60 or 70 seconds left here.
26:40 Wrap this up.
26:42 Spirituality is essential for our marriages.
26:45 It's absolutely essential because the only way
26:47 that we can truly find intimacy together
26:50 is by finding intimacy with Christ.
26:52 And we do that by seeking His face,
26:55 by understanding and accepting the Gospel,
26:57 receiving His forgiveness for our sins.
26:59 And then sharing that with each other
27:01 and growing together.
27:02 That's true spirituality. Amen. Amen.
27:05 Gayle, what do you think? 30 seconds.
27:08 I think that as we do that as we seek God's face
27:10 that we need to remember that He will grant us His Spirit
27:14 and the fruits of that spirit will shine out in our homes
27:18 and we will feel that love and joy and peace
27:21 and patience and all of those things
27:23 that are such a blessing and the things
27:25 that we would want in a perfect marriage.
27:27 That's right. Amen.
27:29 This has been a wonderful time.
27:31 I just thank you for being here.
27:33 Pastor Mike, Pastor Gayle,
27:35 and I just want to thank each one of you.
27:38 We love you here at 3ABN.
27:40 Glad that you were able to watch us today
27:42 on "Issues and Answers."
27:44 I want you to remember
27:45 the will of God for each one of us is to rejoice always.
27:49 Pray without ceasing and give all thanks to Him
27:53 because He is our Lord and our Savior.
27:55 Amen. That's right.