Participants: Paul & Carolyn Rayne (Host), Hannah & Caleb Rayne
Series Code: HTH
Program Code: HTH00011A
00:01 If we're always expecting too much of our children,
00:03 they may feel they can never please us,
00:05 on the other hand if our expectations are too low,
00:08 they would not develop as they could.
00:10 Join us on Happy the Home
00:12 as we look at learning their limits.
00:36 So, how did your day go today sweetheart?
00:38 Oh, it was pretty good.
00:40 You know, the children were pretty good.
00:41 I just, I found it hard some days
00:43 to know how far to stretch them
00:45 and then how much is too much.
00:47 I guess a lot of parents struggle with that.
00:52 How much do we,
00:54 what are the limits of what our children can do?
00:57 And that is the title of today's
00:59 Happy the Home program.
01:00 It's number 11 correspondence.
01:02 Number 11 in the Connected
01:04 Family Companion book
01:05 and we are going to look at what we can expect,
01:10 some principles of what we can expect
01:12 from our children. I'm Paul Rayne;
01:14 this is my lovely wife Carolyn Rayne.
01:17 And we're from a ministry called
01:18 Restoration International.
01:20 We're glad to be with you,
01:23 we're thankful that you've tuned into 3ABN
01:25 just now and we pray that you get a
01:27 blessing from today's program.
01:29 You know thinking about our children's limits,
01:33 I've noticed that when their will is engaged,
01:39 when they want to their limits how way bigger
01:42 than we think. Oh, yeah.
01:43 I was just looking out of the window one time
01:46 and Hannah and Caleb were,
01:48 they'd gone down to the pond down.
01:52 You know just about a 100 feet from the house.
01:54 And Caleb was holding up a five gallon bucket of water.
02:01 Now, I don't think it was full
02:02 but he wasn't that old.
02:03 Maybe was eight and even
02:07 a five gallon of water for me is heavy.
02:09 But he was holding that up there
02:11 and I remember thinking.
02:12 That's very interesting.
02:15 When he wants to,
02:17 I mean if I had asked him to carry that
02:19 five gallon bucket from A to B,
02:21 it would have been,
02:22 oh, daddy it's so heavy.
02:23 But all of a sudden when it was part of play
02:26 and they needed water up
02:27 where there were making their mud pies or whatever.
02:29 Then he could do it. Yeah. You know,
02:32 I learned that lesson in my adult life.
02:37 I was probably, just trying to think back,
02:39 I was about 17 I guess, yes, 17 years of age.
02:44 So I don't suppose I was adult,
02:46 but really some kid later on.
02:48 But 17 years old I was,
02:51 I was an apprentice. You know the story;
02:56 I'll tell you the story.
02:57 You know, I was born
02:58 and raised in the United Kingdom
03:00 and I went in and I had an apprenticeship
03:02 in Electrical Engineering.
03:03 And it was with the General Electric Company.
03:06 And one of the things they did for us was
03:08 they sent us on a character development course.
03:12 All of us went on it, at varying times.
03:15 And it was run by the police.
03:17 And we went off to this remote part
03:21 of the North of England.
03:24 And this is how it started,
03:27 we're on this mini bus and we were going along.
03:28 And all of a sudden we seem to stop at the entrance
03:32 to a long gravel driveway.
03:35 And the driver of the mini bus there,
03:38 he said, okay boys,
03:40 this is where you get out.
03:41 And I've got suitcases and a backpack and he said,
03:46 the place where you're gonna be staying
03:47 for the next three weeks is about
03:49 two thirds of a mile down this gravel driveway.
03:52 And they told me to tell you
03:55 that the last one there does the trash
03:57 for the whole week. And we started looking
04:00 at each other like, you can't be serious.
04:03 I mean, we have to run down this gravel
04:06 driveway with our suitcases.
04:07 And it was before the days the suitcases had wheels.
04:11 So there I was humping this thing around
04:13 the backpack and another pack
04:14 You know, we got down there and it was.
04:17 And sure enough the last guy, which wasn't me.
04:21 The police officer said to him,
04:24 you, you're on trash for the week.
04:26 And then we all went up to our rooms.
04:28 And this is your room,
04:30 this is your room, there were four of us in a room.
04:32 And he said, get your stuff unpacked,
04:34 meet me back there in the courtyard in five minutes.
04:36 And again, we're looking at each other like,
04:39 what is going on? We're here for three weeks.
04:42 This is gonna be a nightmare.
04:45 Anyways, so we didn't dare disobey,
04:48 we didn't wanna get anymore consequences
04:49 like the guy getting the trash.
04:51 So we just basically unloaded our stuff
04:54 and we got down into the courtyard.
04:55 And the police officer I still remember
04:59 he says look up that hill.
05:00 So we all look up at the hill.
05:02 He says that's punishment hill.
05:04 And he says you'll gonna run up there now
05:07 and you go up and down as fast as you can.
05:09 I expect you all back in 15 minutes.
05:10 Go. And so, off us boys went and you know
05:14 up we go and down we go,
05:16 well I had the tip-off from a colleague of mine
05:19 who had done this before that the reason
05:22 why they want you to go up and down
05:23 as quick as you can up that punishment hill,
05:26 is because they're timing you.
05:27 And that becomes your base time and every time
05:31 you do something wrong,
05:32 you have to go back up the hill and down again
05:35 and you have to better your time.
05:36 And so I didn't want to be the last
05:40 but I certainly didn't want to go as fast as
05:42 I possibly could. I was pretty athletic
05:44 in those days, my soccer days.
05:45 So we went up and down
05:47 and I was about third from last I think
05:49 and it was work.
05:51 I tell you, I forget how far it was
05:52 but it was huffing and puffing.
05:54 And we get down and we think we're okay.
05:57 This is not gonna be any messing around,
05:59 no goofing off on this course.
06:00 Anyway that fast-forwards you,
06:02 we did all kinds of crazy things on that three weeks.
06:06 But it was about a week and half
06:08 I think into the training course that.
06:11 I asked one of the officers,
06:13 my towel was wet from we have to take
06:16 a bath in the creek. And my towel was still wet
06:19 and I say can I leave it over the side of my bed?
06:22 And he says, it's up to you I guess so.
06:25 And so I did. Well it wasn't that police officer
06:29 who was doing room inspection that day.
06:31 So the other officer comes in.
06:32 He says Rayne, what's that doing on your bed?
06:35 And I went to explain.
06:38 You know, well, I asked the other officer
06:40 and he said. He says,
06:41 I'm doing the room inspection
06:43 and that is not good enough.
06:44 And I started looking around the room thinking,
06:47 well, all the other people have done it as well.
06:49 So, he says all four of you down
06:51 in the courtyard you're going up punishment hill.
06:53 They were actually quite nice,
06:56 other than when they were really stern
06:57 and then were really stern.
06:59 Anyway, so, I'm thinking okay we got to better
07:02 our time and so we go up and we go down
07:05 and I bettered my time.
07:06 And the other two bettered their time
07:08 but there was one guy who didn't.
07:09 And we're huffing and puffing and....
07:13 And he says you got five minutes to get your breath
07:15 and then you're up again.
07:16 He said this to the guy who didn't better his time,
07:18 so we're kind of thinking, this is getting serious.
07:22 I mean what if he doesn't better this time,
07:24 this time I mean he is already out of breath,
07:26 he's been out once. Anyway five minutes,
07:28 and then the officer kind of gave him
07:30 a smile and he says, I believe you can do it.
07:33 And he says you're ready?
07:35 And he says, yeah I'm ready.
07:36 Go. And up he went and down he came
07:40 and I clicked the watch and we're all there
07:43 with bated breath. And the police officer says,
07:46 not good enough. And I tell you,
07:49 we were like what is going on?
07:53 I mean this is dangerous.
07:55 This poor guy is exhausting.
07:57 He's been up and down there twice.
07:58 And so the guy says you got five minutes
08:01 and then you going up again.
08:03 And we're thinking,
08:04 he isn't gonna do it third time
08:05 and then what are they gonna do and we were
08:07 kind of thinking there was a little bit of rebellion
08:09 in the camp I think, we're thinking, okay,
08:10 if he doesn't make it we're gonna see what's happened
08:13 and if they're gonna make him in fact later on
08:14 in the course one guy did try to run away.
08:17 That wasn't you? It wasn't me, no.
08:19 Anyway so, five minutes is up, off he goes,
08:22 and he goes up and as he is coming down
08:24 I mean it's when you down
08:25 and your knees are jarring
08:27 and you're really coming down.
08:28 And with that shouting you can do it,
08:30 you can do it. I forget his name
08:31 but he is coming down and he's really going for it
08:34 and he bounce the last thing you go through a gate,
08:36 he bounced through the gate
08:37 and burst into the courtyard
08:39 and we're all there.
08:40 And the officer gives a big smile.
08:43 He says, you did it.
08:45 What did I learn from that?
08:48 I learned that we can do a lot more
08:52 than we think we can when we have to.
08:56 And what's this gonna do with parenting?
08:58 This is Happy the Home,
08:59 that doesn't sound like a very happy home,
09:00 does it? But you know,
09:01 we all have the sense of achievement,
09:06 because we did it.
09:07 And that's what I wanna convey to you
09:11 parents at this point,
09:12 we're gonna talk about the limits
09:14 that our children have
09:15 and it stems back from that time
09:19 that I was on that orienteering type of course
09:22 where I learned that we can do more
09:24 than we thought we can.
09:25 Pick up some of the things that you think
09:27 that children should be able to do
09:29 in their various ages.
09:30 Well, yeah, I'm just about to do that.
09:31 You know, so often we set the limits
09:34 so low and have such a low expectation
09:37 of our children that they don't come up
09:39 any higher than what we set.
09:41 And yet in a situation like you were sharing,
09:44 there comes a time when they show themselves
09:47 whatever circumstance and then you're like,
09:49 wow, I didn't know they could that.
09:51 That's like the five gallon buckets.
09:52 That's right. We need to be set
09:54 into the expectations higher because you,
09:57 we all feel so much better about ourselves
09:59 when we've achieved.
10:00 And often was happened with our children
10:02 today is they're not achieving because
10:04 we're not expecting them to achieve.
10:05 Now, I got a list here and I'm gonna read it to you,
10:08 something that we found a little while ago,
10:11 it says this is expectations
10:14 on what children are capable of doing
10:16 and I don't know what age range
10:18 our children are, but just kind of
10:19 put it in your picture.
10:20 So a 3 to 4 year old can load the dishwasher,
10:25 set the table, hang up their clothes.
10:27 Well, let me just stop you there for a minute.
10:30 So, what our children doing that?
10:32 I remember we have that video
10:34 that granddad took of Hannah
10:36 loading the dishwasher and singing melody.
10:40 How old was she on that?
10:41 She was four. She was four.
10:42 And she was very profession in the dishwasher then.
10:45 In fact I wish you could see that video.
10:47 My dad, took a video of his grandchildren,
10:50 our children, when they were just little
10:52 and Hannah was loading the dishwasher
10:54 and she was singing at the top of her voice
10:55 and mommy comes in
10:57 and puts something into the dishwasher
10:59 it was in the wrong place.
11:00 So the little 4 year old,
11:02 we saw all this on the video moves
11:04 the plate and puts where it should be.
11:05 So the 4 year old Hannah was doing that.
11:07 So a 5 to 6 year old can help locate items
11:11 in the grocery store or make a simple sandwich,
11:14 5 to 6 year old. 7 to 9 year olds
11:17 can safely learn to cook,
11:19 clean the bathroom and use a drill.
11:21 Are you serious? Yeah. Girls too.
11:27 10 to 12 year old,
11:28 if well trained and encouraged and that's key,
11:31 a child should be capable of almost
11:34 any task around the home given
11:36 they have the physical strength to do so.
11:39 And then it stops there,
11:40 doesn't go on to a 14 to 16
11:42 because by then they should be out of pretty much
11:44 to anything that's needed to be done in the home.
11:47 You know we have experimented with this
11:50 in our family and it really does what,
11:53 generally we are as parents expecting so,
11:56 not so that's too big,
11:59 we're expecting not enough of our children
12:02 when they are capable of so much more.
12:04 So we're gonna talk a little bit later
12:07 in the program about some of the pitfalls
12:11 of expecting too much but we're are ready
12:13 wanted to cover that we expect too little.
12:15 So did our children actually live up to that list,
12:20 I mean that's kind of wrong way of putting it.
12:23 But did they do, what did they do
12:24 in that kind o stuff at those ages?
12:25 Well we find out about it after those
12:28 ages have passed, right,
12:29 for at least for the most part for Hannah.
12:32 And so but most of it,
12:34 I think some where I wasn't doing like the
12:37 in the store stuff. Yeah, and it's not,
12:39 it's just a guideline but did we already
12:42 talk about Hannah making her own meal
12:45 and stuff like that? No.
12:46 But we are going to do that.
12:47 Okay, pick that up there.
12:48 Well, Hannah was between the age of 9 and 10,
12:51 I can't exactly remember what the age was
12:53 but somewhere in there,
12:54 she'd been talking about wanting to cook
12:56 a whole dinner by herself without me
12:58 being involved or even in the kitchen.
12:59 That's pretty scary, isn't it moms?
13:01 You're gonna vacate your kitchen,
13:02 who knows it might burn down,
13:04 who knows what's gonna happen?
13:05 She might wreck the blender or may,
13:07 she might hurt herself.
13:08 Oh, well that too.
13:09 But I'm simmering there and she did,
13:12 she cooked the whole meal herself
13:13 and she felt so excited about that,
13:16 it was real big thing.
13:18 And you know, later on in fact this year,
13:21 previous I had not been well
13:24 and I needed to take some downtime
13:25 and she was able to do all of that kind of stuff
13:27 in the home and just do the whole.
13:29 All the house work and run the whole home,
13:31 and again because I've nurtured that
13:33 over the years, this was not a drudgery to her,
13:35 this was what fun this will be to see
13:37 what I can do. And so it was,
13:39 it was catching, capturing their enthusiasm.
13:43 And that's something out really encourage
13:44 is not here and I know it necessarily
13:46 but capture their enthusiasm,
13:49 because if you don't and when they wanna do it
13:51 and you put them off and say don't worry mommy
13:54 is gonna do it. When you suddenly
13:56 want them to, they haven't learned
13:57 how and they've got no interest.
13:59 So don't lose it. So there's a real power
14:02 in the joy of achievement.
14:04 Oh, absolutely. You know,
14:05 if they can achieve doing that
14:07 and they feel good,
14:08 I'm sure there is a relationship between
14:10 Hannah wanting to run,
14:11 to take care of all the cleaning
14:13 and the cooking and the laundry
14:15 and all of that. She did that
14:16 when she was 13. There's a link between
14:20 that and her cooking her own meal
14:21 when she was 9 or 10 years of age.
14:23 Because she felt like she was useful,
14:26 she was on top of it.
14:27 She had the joy of achievement.
14:28 And if we don't have those expectations
14:31 of our children, then they try to get the joy
14:34 of achievement from video games or something
14:37 which is never gonna fulfill that same void.
14:41 We all wanna achieve something
14:43 and feel like we are on top rather than
14:46 and feel like we are on top rather than always behind,
14:47 that leads into another example,
14:49 Caleb when he was six years old.
14:53 Well let me take you back a little more,
14:56 we like to hike as a family,
14:57 we live up near Glacier National Park
14:59 in the Northwest Corner of Montana.
15:01 And there in Glacier Park
15:03 they have 700 miles of hiking trails.
15:06 To me they just say, come walk on me.
15:08 I mean it's an invitation,
15:10 but many of them we couldn't do
15:11 when our children were younger.
15:13 Because, you know they're too long
15:15 and you know you can't take the stroller
15:17 on there or whatever.
15:18 We have the children in the backpack for a while but,
15:21 you know that slows us up.
15:23 Anyway when the children got a little bit older
15:25 and now we've got Hannah at 8 and Caleb at 6.
15:27 And I'm wondering can they do the highline trail.
15:30 I remember cornering some friends of mine
15:31 and saying, do you think our children
15:33 would be up to the highline trail?
15:34 It's 11 miles longer I think or 12 miles.
15:37 And one person said no,
15:40 I don't think maybe up to it.
15:41 The other person said yeah,
15:42 I don't think they'd have any trouble,
15:43 so what do you with that?
15:44 I said okay, well I pray about
15:46 these kind of things and I said Lord,
15:48 I just need a. I don't know if you can just
15:50 kind of let me know somehow
15:52 and how would I actually come to communicate
15:55 with the Lord on that is just pray about it
15:58 for a few days and if I find myself settling towards,
16:01 no, it will push them too much.
16:04 I tell you that as the Lord working on my heart.
16:06 If it's after a few days of praying about it,
16:09 that I start thinking you know
16:11 I think they could.
16:12 I think that's the Lord pushing me the other way.
16:14 So anyway I did this and I said to Carolyn,
16:17 you know I think the kids would be up to it.
16:19 And she says well lets do it.
16:20 so we got up there, remember we got up there early,
16:23 it was like 9 O'clock in the morning
16:25 we were on the trail and you remember
16:27 we were little bit worried that some bear
16:28 might jump out in front of us.
16:30 So we sang really loud.
16:32 Because bears are out early in the morning,
16:35 they're not really out in the middle of the day,
16:37 you do see them sometimes.
16:38 But anyway, so we're walking along
16:40 this trail and some of our friends caught us
16:42 up later on, we're all ended up on the same trail
16:44 on the same day. And Caleb did it.
16:48 He did all. Actually we worked at it,
16:50 it was about 13 miles.
16:51 Because we took a bit of a detour up
16:53 to the continental divide and down again,
16:55 13 miles at 6 years of age.
16:59 Well if you remember the thing that struck me
17:01 more than anything else was
17:02 we go back to the campsite.
17:04 We were all soar, our feet were aching,
17:06 our limbs ached, but our hearts were joyful,
17:08 because it had been a beautiful, spectacular hike.
17:11 When we go back, we all kind of you know
17:13 crashed out around the campfire
17:14 and Caleb is running around kicking a ball
17:16 around place. He wasn't kicking the ball;
17:18 he was gathering sticks for the fire like any like,
17:21 boy likes to do. Okay, yeah.
17:22 And he would, you know,
17:23 he split this one and put it on and so.
17:26 The point is, after 13 miles,
17:29 he had energy enough to carry on
17:31 play at the six years of age.
17:32 So I don't know what you're thinking
17:35 at this point parents
17:36 but all way I trying to communicate is that
17:38 your children just like our children can do more
17:41 than we think. So could you imagine
17:44 Caleb running the home? I can but.....
17:48 What if they would be no home left afterwards?
17:51 I will give it about two weeks
17:53 and we need a bulldozer or something
17:54 to run over again. What about,
17:56 well I wouldn't need one because Hannah
17:58 drove the track through that probably do it.
17:59 This is, well what we're trying to say
18:02 to you at this point is that you can't expect your
18:06 children necessarily to do what our children,
18:09 maybe you've got a 6 year old
18:10 who isn't gonna walk 13 miles.
18:11 Actually we carried Caleb for one mile of that,
18:14 I remember but. And the same way
18:16 you can't expect the same thing of all your children.
18:19 You're gonna be tuned into the differences.
18:21 Just like Caleb would not be able to do
18:24 all the laundry and all the cooking and all of that,
18:26 neither would Hannah be able to run the tracks.
18:28 That would be a nightmare if Hannah
18:31 was running the tracks. I would be scared.
18:33 And we've tried.
18:36 But, I can just tell the coordination isn't there.
18:40 And you need to know which ones to press.
18:42 So, Carolyn, talk to us a little bit
18:46 about what would be some of the pitfalls
18:50 if we expect too much of our children.
18:52 Well if we push our children beyond
18:55 what are their limits,
18:56 then we can throw them into a rebellious situation
18:59 and have a lot of frustration in the home.
19:01 As they're trying but they are not achieving
19:04 then they feel like they're just not doing good enough,
19:06 not getting anywhere.
19:07 They start, it's just becomes
19:09 a very negative environment.
19:11 So we have to be sure what their limits
19:14 and boundaries are.
19:15 And we have to be prayerful about
19:17 how we stretch our children.
19:18 And in all of that,
19:19 I would say also that,
19:20 we as their parents they need to see
19:24 us being willing to be stretched.
19:26 Because if all we're doing is trying
19:28 to stretch them and we aren't willing,
19:30 that will again cause a rebellious heart
19:32 in our children, because why should I have to,
19:34 when mom and dad don't.
19:35 You're using the word rebellion there.
19:37 That seems like a tough word in this state,
19:41 but really I think what you're saying is that
19:43 it's the seed of rebellion,
19:45 yeah, that we planned.
19:46 Because we are expecting them to do
19:49 things are outside of their comfort level
19:51 and meanwhile in their hearts
19:52 I think and maybe even they say it right
19:55 well you don't any of this kind of stuff,
19:57 why do we have to do it.
19:58 So that's not necessarily rebellion,
20:00 that's questioning but it's setting this,
20:02 the hypocrisy is setting the scene
20:04 for rebellion later on.
20:05 Yeah, definitely.
20:07 So what about if there is an area
20:09 that we're not willing to be stretched in.
20:13 Well, I'm thinking about with you in water.
20:18 Right. Well you know the water has never been
20:20 my favorite thing although having said that
20:22 over the years I have stretched myself,
20:25 you know in that little raft
20:26 we go out in the middle of the lake.
20:27 Yeah. It used to be terrifying to think of being
20:29 in such a tiny thing with all that water around me.
20:32 And the fact that you have allowed yourself
20:35 to be stretched and we've all seen progress in you.
20:38 I think laid the groundwork for the children
20:41 willing to be stretched in that area as well.
20:43 Well yeah. If you remember
20:44 I can fall asleep out there now.
20:45 Yeah. That's right.
20:46 And before my knuckles were white
20:48 and I'm hanging onto the side
20:49 and praying for this to be over.
20:50 Yeah. And you would say things like
20:51 do we have to be this far from the edge is like.
20:53 Can we get closer? Sweetheart,
20:55 we're only 50 feet from the edge.
20:56 Anyway let's talk a little bit about how we can,
21:00 if we have a weakness or something
21:03 that's not overcoming us.
21:05 We can actually hold our children back and say,
21:08 oh, no, no, no, you don't want to do that.
21:10 When actually they can do it,
21:12 it's just that we don't want them to do it,
21:14 because it scares us.
21:15 And we had a classic example of that
21:17 in our family, if you remember when.
21:19 We go back to Glacier Park
21:22 and we're down in the lake now rather
21:24 than upon the mountain.
21:26 And we would like our raft on float down lake,
21:29 out of Lake McDonald and down a creek
21:32 that comes out of there.
21:33 And it's not white water rafting,
21:36 it's just kind of gentle and you see in the raft
21:38 there and you see the bold eagles flying fast
21:41 and the deer on the side and stuff.
21:43 And we really enjoyed,
21:44 that's one of our favorite things to do as a family.
21:46 And the good thing is about two thirds
21:49 of the way down this float as we call it,
21:52 just the current taking you along.
21:53 You get to some rocks.
21:55 And, for years I've been working on the shares
21:59 because it's something that I enjoy to jump off
22:02 the rocks and Carolyn would say to me sweetheart,
22:04 don't push them, don't push them.
22:05 I mean as they've got to be ready for it.
22:08 Because Carolyn would never be ready to jump off
22:11 of the rocks, would you?
22:12 No. It's just, what did you say one time?
22:14 We're discussing it once
22:15 and I just said you've had to shoot me first
22:17 to get me to do that.
22:18 Because you wouldn't be have to do it that but.
22:20 I'd fallen in there,
22:21 but I wouldn't know about it.
22:22 So that's how much Carolyn doesn't want to jump off
22:25 the rocks. I mean they're not real tall.
22:27 The highest ones probably about 10 to 12 feet I guess.
22:32 But anyway I've been trying to encourage
22:34 the children for years.
22:35 And we're going down there one time
22:37 and Hannah says, I said, Hannah
22:39 you go and jump off the rocks
22:40 and she says well I might.
22:42 Well I'm praising the Lord, she minds.
22:44 It always been a category no before.
22:46 So anyway we get there.
22:48 And it's one thing to see somebody jump off
22:50 the rocks, it's another thing to get up there
22:53 and stand on the top and see the water all
22:56 the way down there.
22:57 Anyway she gets up there
22:58 and I say Hannah let's jump together
23:00 and she says, oh no, I won't do it of my own.
23:02 So I jump off and then she,
23:04 I says, you're gonna do Hannah.
23:06 She says I am. And I'm thinking,
23:08 okay she is gonna do it.
23:09 And she says, please count for me.
23:11 Yeah, count. So I counted one, two, three
23:15 and off she goes I was so delighted.
23:18 Because I knew that this was an achievement for her,
23:21 that would open up a whole new world.
23:24 Well that was two years ago? Yeah.
23:26 And now she just does again and again
23:28 and again like it's no big sweat and not her brother,
23:31 this is the other thing.
23:32 Her brother is following in her footsteps.
23:35 So if you have something parents that you stretched
23:38 yourself as far as you can go but you know
23:40 your children can go further.
23:42 It doesn't mean they can't.
23:43 You just gonna have to get them a whole lot of
23:45 encouragement but make sure that you're willing
23:47 to be stretched where you can be stretched.
23:49 Now, we don't have too much longer left enough time
23:53 I think, but we want to talk about
23:54 some of the dangers of expecting too much
23:59 from our children. If we are pushing them
24:01 beyond their limits, you got any thoughts
24:04 for us on that? Well it depends on the situation,
24:07 it could be physically dangerous.
24:09 If they are not physically able to do
24:11 what it is we're trying to get them to do.
24:13 And it can also be for the children quite discouraging
24:16 and demoralizing, if they really are trying
24:19 as hard as they can. And they can't
24:21 go any further and we're trying to push them
24:23 then it's like we're saying you're not good enough,
24:25 you're not willing to try and you're coming along
24:27 from behind with kind of a sledge hammer approach.
24:30 So, there has to be a balance and that's why as Paul said,
24:33 as you said we need to be asking the Lord
24:36 to guide us and to lead us in that.
24:38 See, what happens parents,
24:40 if we expect and Carolyn already said this,
24:42 I just wanted to amplify it a little bit.
24:44 If we as the parents say,
24:47 you know we're expecting the 12 year old to be able
24:52 to you know cook the meal,
24:54 well not necessarily cook the meal.
24:56 Let's leave that out, but we're expecting them
24:58 to be able to go in after a meal
25:00 and tidy up the whole kitchen.
25:01 You know the dish washer's running,
25:04 the counters all wipes and there's nothing left,
25:06 everything is tightly.
25:07 If we're expecting them to do that
25:09 and they really are trying but they haven't
25:12 necessarily had the training or the example
25:15 from mom and dad.
25:16 And, so we're setting that expectation here
25:20 and they tried their best but their expectation
25:22 is here then we come and say well
25:25 this isn't good enough.
25:26 Then will lead into frustration,
25:28 we are creating frustration in ourselves.
25:31 Why can't they do this?
25:32 And we're creating frustration
25:35 in their hearts as well.
25:36 I tried, I tried, mommy, honestly I tried,
25:39 and we say no, you couldn't have tried.
25:41 And so we've got to be prayerful and careful.
25:45 You know this is what I love about parenting.
25:47 All we need to be good parents
25:50 is a connection with God.
25:51 We don't necessarily need to have a Ph.D
25:55 in parenting or whatever,
25:56 we just need to know,
25:57 okay God what do I need to expect
25:59 my children to do?
26:00 And He will roll that out for us.
26:02 Join us after the break because we wanna give you
26:05 a very specific step forward for today's program.
26:09 Join us in a moment.