Participants: Paul & Carolyn Rayne (Host), Hannah & Caleb Rayne
Series Code: HTH
Program Code: HTH00010A
00:01 Hey parents, do you spend quality
00:03 time with your children on a regular basis?
00:05 I know it is not easy in this busy world with
00:07 so many things vying for our attention.
00:10 But we want you to join us on
00:12 Happy the Home today, because we are gonna
00:14 look at investing in the best.
00:42 Okay children, Carolyn, I'm about ready to go.
00:44 I've got to, I've got to go early.
00:48 Tonight at 6 O'clock I want you on the sofa
00:51 because something special is gonna,
00:53 what's gonna happen. I'm not gonna tell you,
00:55 you have to just get on the,
00:57 I'm not gonna tell you. No, I am going alright,
01:01 it's 6 O'clock on the sofa for something special.
01:04 What's that all about?
01:11 Oh! Must be daddy. Sounds like daddy.
01:13 Hey, hi sweetie. Okay guys,
01:17 oh you're getting ready, Oh! Yes, we got to get
01:19 on the couch. Good boy Caleb.
01:23 So, you're ready for the grand announcement,
01:26 oh man I've had, have a good day.
01:29 Well like any other day, but yeah it wasn't bad.
01:33 So, have you, have you had any
01:34 wonderings what might be going on tonight.
01:36 Yeah, we've been waiting all day.
01:38 You know I'm glad about that I left you in
01:41 suspense when I left for work deliberately
01:44 because you know that daddy has a lot on his
01:47 plate with his work, and I have not been
01:52 spending enough time with my family.
01:56 And so I had this idea that we would start
01:59 having family time. So, what we're gonna
02:02 do is each evening, it might not happen every
02:07 evening at first, but we're gonna
02:09 make a schedule and when my phone rings and we're
02:13 having family time, this is what I'm gonna do.
02:17 Not gonna answer it. Alright. Hey, now that's
02:18 great don't you think. This is family time,
02:21 I am not gonna answer the phone,
02:23 I am not gonna make calls, and we're gonna have
02:25 some time together. So, what I want is,
02:28 I want it to be fun for you guys, alright.
02:31 So I need some ideas, I'm gonna type them into
02:33 my iPad here. I'm gonna, I want some ideas and
02:36 we're gonna make a list of things that we
02:38 could do. We're only gonna
02:39 have I don't know half an hour,
02:42 45 minutes, because not a huge amount of time,
02:46 but to start thinking alright,
02:48 I thought about asking you earlier but now I'm
02:50 gonna ask you now, start thinking of some
02:52 of the things that you would like to do in the
02:55 evening together, and Carolyn you can
02:57 chip in and we'll just make a list first of all.
02:59 So, just fire away quick so.
03:01 So anything really children, it's that fun,
03:04 playing instruments together?
03:05 Play out instruments together, alright,
03:07 well you know daddy is not very good on that,
03:09 but we'll do it. Okay, instruments,
03:11 I'm putting that in here okay another one,
03:14 what do you think son? Mechano.
03:17 Kind of put you on the Harper.
03:18 Mechano. Mechano. Alright making some model
03:21 cars together, alight Mechano.
03:24 Something new, now we know Mechano.
03:26 Anything else? Oh what about cooking
03:28 baking some cookies together.
03:31 Daddy's gonna to be in the kitchen,
03:32 what do you think? In the kitchen,
03:36 you think, okay.
03:38 I guess that's yeah that's right, in the kitchen,
03:40 you got to do it Paul, you said you're gonna do
03:42 it in the kitchen alright. The children,
03:47 alright, keep going, fire away, fire away,
03:49 other things, go biking, go on bike ride,
03:51 yeah good on bikes. Alright.
03:54 What do you think Caleb? Your turn Caleb,
03:55 quick fire. Thinking, we're thinking,
03:58 anybody, Lego, Lego, alright oh yeah
04:00 I knew you like Lego, I like Lego too.
04:02 Oh Caleb, you always used to like painting,
04:06 you remember. Painting.
04:09 Painting was Paul's all the time worst when the
04:13 children were really small,
04:14 so we're gonna put painting on that,
04:16 because that was your favorite,
04:17 are you trying to torture me,
04:18 I was making this fun, alright painting.
04:20 I know painting the garage door.
04:22 No, no, no. What kind of
04:24 painting do you like Caleb?
04:26 Carolyn, Carolyn, this isn't,
04:27 I meant to mention to you this isn't gonna
04:29 be all play, alright. There's gonna be some work
04:32 stuff as well. Alright. So, I am gonna put in
04:35 here cleaning the car, oh dear,
04:38 gonna cleaning the car, now this face is dropped,
04:41 the car and windows, strove windows,
04:45 windows, anything else children?
04:52 Shovel snow away. Shovel the snow away.
04:54 You're good, you're getting into work,
04:56 okay remove snow. Not much of that.
04:59 Okay. Alright. You like that not,
05:02 do that one in the summer. What about watching.
05:06 Don't do that one in the summer,
05:07 do that one in winter. Yeah. What about watching
05:09 some of our vacation movies?
05:11 Okay. Vacation like the movies we took with the
05:15 video camera yeah, yeah. Okay vacation videos,
05:20 alright, okay. Well we'll make more of
05:22 list and folks at home we are obviously
05:26 role-playing here, we want you to do
05:29 this same thing. Dads, take the bull by
05:31 the horns and get your family on to family time.
05:36 Now what we've got do family to make this work,
05:40 we've got to figure out, what we're gonna do on
05:42 Monday, what we're gonna do on Wednesday,
05:45 and what we're gonna do on Friday.
05:47 Now, I'll tell you what lets do Sunday,
05:49 Tuesday and Thursday alright.
05:51 So I am gonna put down this Sunday what do
05:53 we're gonna do Sunday night the family time?
05:56 We could do a little bit longer Sunday because
05:58 that's not it work. So. Let Caleb chose which
06:01 one of those you are gonna do Sunday night.
06:02 You wanna do Mechano. He probably wants to clean
06:04 the car or shovel the snow.
06:06 The worst, the down of the list.
06:09 No. Yeah, probably Mechano
06:10 will be much longer. Okay So,
06:11 Caleb this is fun this Sunday night we are all
06:15 gonna do Mechano right around the table here,
06:17 it's on the docket, Mechano.
06:22 So, on Thursday, Tuesday night we could do,
06:24 play our instruments couldn't we?
06:27 Tuesday night, play our instruments,
06:29 okay it's going down that Tuesday instruments,
06:34 alright then Mommy why don't you chose we've
06:37 done Sunday, Tuesday why don't you choose
06:38 Thursday night? Oh! I think it has to be
06:40 cooking night. Daddy. I just realize I
06:43 am not going to chose. I know this we've got
06:46 three nights a week, but there's four of us,
06:48 so we just rotate around so we'll do alright so
06:51 lets do Thursday is what do you say cooking.
06:54 Cooking and you know dad is gonna say, don't you?
06:57 Cooking, alright. Clean the car,
07:00 so and so we go back around to Sunday the
07:03 following Sunday we just do one week at a time
07:05 Sunday, yes, clean the car,
07:08 we are going to clean windows together
07:10 how exciting, alright. Well maybe not,
07:13 maybe, maybe we should do something fun,
07:15 what else we have on the list.
07:16 Bikes. I know soccer, soccer,
07:19 we didn't think of that. It has to pick that day
07:22 Yeah I play soccer, we play soccer me against
07:24 all of you in the yard okay. Alright and so.
07:27 And he still wins, yeah, he'll win.
07:29 Okay, alright. Okay, now its me,
07:35 we're no gonna do it tonight because it's bed
07:38 time children. It is bed time so why
07:40 don't you running get your Jammies on
07:42 and mommy and daddy will have a bit of time with
07:44 the viewers and we'll catch you later, alright.
07:48 So, now the children have gone why don't we talk
07:50 about family times that we've had.
07:53 Yeah, I really wanted to talk with the
07:55 viewers there. You know family time can be;
07:59 I am gonna take my tie off.
08:00 Yeah, why don't you. Hey, you're done with that
08:02 for the day now. Yeah, family time can be
08:07 a great blessing, but I know what
08:10 you are probably saying when of these people on
08:13 this program gonna quit take,
08:15 stealing our time from us. We are not ready
08:18 trying to steal your time, we're trying to steer
08:21 your time, amen, towards your children.
08:24 Because you know the people say that they,
08:27 I don't know what happened in our house,
08:30 but the children are grown up and gone already.
08:32 You know I am one dad and this is one mom and we
08:37 don't want our children to grow up and be gone
08:39 too quick we wanna enjoy it,
08:41 and you and I both have workaholic tendencies
08:45 and a lot of people I meet are the same.
08:47 So you know we are not stealing your time,
08:50 we're just redirecting your time and family time
08:53 has been, how is that Carolyn and one of the
08:56 biggest blessings of our lives doing that
08:59 together as a family. So, what are some of
09:01 the things that we the Rayne family have done in
09:03 family time. You heard us interacting,
09:05 a lot of that was genuine and it was just exactly
09:09 how it would have been when we started our
09:10 family time, but Carolyn, what are some
09:13 other things we've done together.
09:15 Well, when the children were really small I
09:17 remember that we did a lot of playdough,
09:19 remember we made all kinds of meals
09:21 with playdough, we didn't eat any promise.
09:24 We tasted it though. Did you? It's very salty.
09:29 Confessions are coming out now.
09:31 But I remember doing a lot of that and painting
09:33 was a real big thing for Caleb.
09:35 Every time that we would sit down and say okay
09:37 lets plan out our family times Caleb would be
09:40 hand up in the air can we do painting,
09:43 daddy like Oh! Not again, but we did it,
09:45 we did it many times. In fact, if you remember
09:48 we shared this at a seminar,
09:50 I don't know where it was, but somebody at a
09:53 seminar we gave ideas for family time on a dear
09:56 so centers in the mail, some painting by numbers,
10:00 painting sets just report for family time.
10:03 You are trying to torture me, I think.
10:05 Alright so and its again its been another one of
10:08 those things to bind our hearts together, yeah.
10:13 I know that one thing that really like to do as a
10:16 family and this is probably where we
10:18 spend the majority of our family time is in
10:21 what we call character building stories,
10:25 a just stories not stories of you know fiction or
10:30 anything, but you know as you probably picked
10:32 some of the previous programs,
10:35 we've read about the Wright Brothers and what
10:37 they went through to invent the first airplane
10:43 and then we've read, oh, about George Washington
10:47 and David Livingstone and, yeah, Abraham Lincoln,
10:50 Abraham Lincoln and so what the children don't
10:53 realize parents if your children are watching
10:56 it's a real smart thing is that we actually
11:00 giving them history lessons and they think
11:03 its family time, its great.
11:05 And we actually myself I've learned great deal
11:08 because we were born and raised in the U.S.,
11:09 so its been good for us to learn some U.S history
11:12 in the process. Another thing that
11:15 we've done. We've talked about biking,
11:19 oh scrabble and in evenings, winter time,
11:23 you know it's dark outside, you can't go,
11:25 we like to do outside things for family time but
11:27 when you can't in the winter time scrabble
11:30 or doing Jigsaw puzzle that's another thing
11:32 we've done. Right. And then we've gone you
11:34 said bike rides, we've gone antler hunting,
11:38 that's been a lot of fun, just I remember that
11:40 we had that deer in the yard and it was at
11:44 five points on side and five points on the
11:46 other side, and then it showed up one day
11:48 and its only got one rag sticking out,
11:50 when we felt we that must of just happened since
11:53 yesterday so we went as a family,
11:55 put our snow shoes on and we went traipsing
11:57 around in the woods. And again,
11:59 didn't find it, we didn't find it no,
12:01 but it was we were binding all of our hearts
12:04 together just looking and so whatever it is,
12:07 we just want to encourage you,
12:09 now as you saw in the role-play there it was dad
12:13 leading out. Now if there is no
12:15 dad in the home, mom, you lead out and do it
12:17 in your own way. But, a secret of family time
12:21 is to be upbeat about it. If I'd say okay
12:25 children I need you to we're gonna do family time
12:28 and we're gonna do some stuff together,
12:30 it wouldn't have had the same effect as if we
12:33 would what I did deliberately there was
12:36 kind of tease them a little bit and leave a
12:39 little bit of suspense, and so it brought the
12:41 expectation level up, but one of the hardest
12:44 things to do is once you've made that.
12:46 Well, lets talk a little bit about making
12:47 the plan. Well, before we do that,
12:50 I want an appeal to the fathers,
12:52 and that is that your children are used to being
12:55 at home with mom and they do all kinds of
12:57 different things with mom
12:58 maybe your home schooled,
12:59 if you do that you're used to being educated by mom,
13:01 but when daddy comes home and he is gonna
13:04 be involved, the excitement level rises.
13:08 And so the children are very used to
13:09 in the kitchen with me cooking and learning
13:11 how to cook, but when daddy gets in the kitchen,
13:14 oh it's a whole different story. Yeah it is.
13:17 Your involvement in family time is crucial,
13:22 because it can go on without you,
13:24 but if it has to go on without you every day
13:26 but you're actually in the home,
13:27 it's just kind of flat we've experienced that
13:30 and you know we're gonna talk about
13:32 how to plan out your family time
13:33 because we know from our own experience life
13:36 is very busy we can have weeks that go by
13:39 and family time is disappearing and so
13:41 the only way for us to make it happen
13:44 is to schedule in. It's gonna be here,
13:46 its gonna be here, its gonna be for this amount
13:48 of time and that is what we're gonna do.
13:49 And that's, I wanna appeal to you as well
13:53 there is one family we heard about and they sat
13:55 down for family time and they were painting
13:58 a picture, I don't know if it was in response
14:00 to our message I don't think but they were
14:02 painting a picture, so the little, I don't know
14:05 how old, but one of the children was painting
14:06 a picture and there was mommy and there was
14:09 daddy, no there was, it was just mommy
14:12 and then there was a brother and then there
14:14 was a person who was actually painting
14:16 the picture, which was a little sister,
14:17 and when daddy saw the picture he said so
14:21 where I am in the picture and the little girl just
14:25 said in a simplistic voice, but you're not in the
14:28 picture daddy you are in the library.
14:31 Where you always are. You are not in the
14:34 picture daddy. Men that needs to be
14:37 a wake up call to us we need to be in the picture
14:41 we are called husband which is you know that's
14:44 a kind of shorten for house band,
14:47 we're supposed to be the one that ties the
14:49 whole family together. We don't need to be
14:51 out of the picture, we need to be in the picture,
14:53 leading out in this kind of stuff.
14:56 This is what draws a family together,
14:57 this is what makes a family a family,
15:00 versus a bunch of people who just live
15:01 under the same roof. You know that makes
15:03 me think of this, I was reading this the other
15:05 day in this little book Fundamentals of Christian
15:08 Education and it says here,
15:10 if I can find the page. It says, let parents
15:14 devote the evenings to their families.
15:17 Lay off care and perplexity with the labors
15:20 of the day and then later on it says let the
15:23 evenings be spend as happily as possible
15:26 that home be a place where cheerfulness,
15:28 courtesy and love exists.
15:31 This will make it attractive to the children.
15:34 Pretty goes along same lines right.
15:37 Yeah, I know that a lot of parents as
15:42 we meet with them in our seminars they say
15:45 we haven't got time to do all this stuff that
15:47 you keep talking about, but I wanna challenge
15:50 you on that, you haven't got time,
15:52 you've got time this is same old saying
15:55 that's been said for years, we make time for
15:57 what's important. You know 15 years ago,
16:01 20 years ago nobody was browsing the web.
16:04 Now people have got time for browsing the web.
16:07 You know and I know some of its been stolen from
16:10 TV but you know they say that the TV viewing
16:13 figures haven't gone down that much,
16:14 but the web has come in. So friends, we have
16:17 got time for what's important.
16:19 And you know you only have your children before
16:23 you know it they're five and then they're ten
16:24 and then they're teenagers and then they're 18,
16:27 19 and they're gone. And you know we're
16:30 now the ones at home saying hey children,
16:33 are you gonna come and see us at Christmas,
16:35 nah, sorry mom and dad, too busy,
16:37 I got too many things going on,
16:38 maybe another time. See you, bye.
16:40 And we're the ones left at home thinking,
16:43 we want family time, we want family, where is,
16:45 where is the children, why can't they come
16:46 and see us once in while? Now is the time to forge
16:51 those close links. You know I grew up in a,
16:55 it wasn't a bad home, it was a good home
16:58 but it was, there was no profession
17:00 of Christianity, there was no prayer,
17:02 in fact we went to church when people
17:05 were hatched, matched and dispatched.
17:09 If you get that, hatched is the Christening,
17:11 because it was Church of England, matched,
17:13 it was the wedding and you can figure
17:15 out the dispatch. But that's the only time
17:17 we went to church, but you know my parents
17:19 poured a lot of time into us kids
17:21 and so we still are a close family even now
17:24 and praise the Lord all but my sister,
17:26 we're following the Lord. You know, lets talk about
17:30 some of those general guidelines
17:32 that will make family time a success.
17:35 And if you've got a pen and paper this is a real
17:37 good time to start jotting these down.
17:39 Again we haven't mentioned in this program,
17:41 we normally do in The Connected Family,
17:44 in the chapter that we are in,
17:47 we are on program ten, which corresponds
17:50 with chapter 10, you will see there
17:52 a list of probably I don't know 20 or 30 different
17:56 activities you can do in family time.
17:59 And also these general guidelines
18:01 that we go into go through.
18:02 They're all there labeled out, so you can just read
18:06 them and contemplate them a little bit.
18:08 So, Carolyn, the first one is to schedule that time
18:12 it doesn't have to be every night,
18:13 but it needs to be planned out and scheduled.
18:16 You know maybe in the winter time its 30 minutes
18:19 every other evening, maybe it's an hour
18:22 you know in that summer time what we would do,
18:23 we would like to go to the lake on a nice
18:25 sunny day, but you can't predict when
18:26 that's gonna be especially in Montana.
18:28 And so what we'll do is we will plan that one day
18:31 this week when the weather is good we'll
18:33 take off a bit more time and go to the lake.
18:36 And we miss family time for two or three nights
18:38 to kind of have a crew sometime and you'll get
18:40 some work done and then we'll take three
18:42 or four hours and go to the lake.
18:44 And so there's just different ways that
18:45 you can do but plan it out and men, make sure
18:48 when you got your plan that you follow through.
18:51 So, make a family time calendar and post it
18:56 on the refrigerator, so that everybody can see it,
18:59 there is another reason for that as well.
19:01 Because parents are very distracted people,
19:08 and we can make a plan maybe on Saturday night
19:13 or Sunday night, we sit down and make a plan
19:15 and we will forget it, but if you post it,
19:18 print it out or just write it out, and post it on
19:21 the refrigerator then its almost like its an
19:23 accountability chart, you know the children
19:26 can come around and they say hey daddy its,
19:29 its bike riding tonight, you know we need to get
19:32 the bikes in the car and its like.
19:34 Our children have done that, yeah they were
19:36 actually gone to the refrigerator and Caleb says
19:38 hey daddy, I'll help you put the bike rack on back
19:41 of the car, get the bikes on there.
19:42 They engage in this. Parents, this is gonna
19:47 be harder than you think, because just at the time
19:49 the children are getting excited about a bike ride
19:52 you're gonna think about all the things
19:54 that need to be done. The grass is this high
19:56 and it hasn't been cut for two weeks
19:59 and this is where the rubber meets the road,
20:04 this is where we invest in the best,
20:08 that's the name of this program,
20:10 investing in our families. So, make the schedule,
20:14 post it on the refrigerator.
20:15 Okay, what's number three Carolyn.
20:17 As far as possible, the whole family should be
20:20 involved in the same activity now there are
20:22 times when its not gonna work out that way,
20:24 if it is that case then you want some children
20:27 with one parent, some children with another
20:29 rather than you know dad just sitting on
20:31 the couch cached out where mom now goes
20:34 and tries to run the family time.
20:36 Alright, this next one which is number four
20:39 hope you writing these down.
20:43 No one answers the phone or checks their email
20:47 or text messages during family time.
20:51 Oh! That should be pretty easy,
20:52 but it's not easy because.
20:55 Well, I will tell you why we are also use to
20:58 running after that phone, when it rings
21:00 you feel like you've just gonna go get
21:01 it no matter what you're doing, you can be praying
21:03 and the phone rings you better answer the phone.
21:05 It's kind of a habit we've gotten into of allowing
21:09 interruptions to come into whatever we happen
21:11 to be doing, but actually,
21:13 you can break out of that habit
21:15 and we have done over the years, haven't we?
21:17 To the point where anyone of you can
21:19 be calling us during family time and unless
21:22 it's an emergency we won't be answering it.
21:24 You can leave a message, but don't have too many
21:26 emergencies, is that mean, now which one's
21:27 to answer. So, don't answer your cell phone,
21:32 put it somewhere where you're not gonna hear it,
21:34 turn it off, yes turn it off don't just put it
21:36 on silent or vibrate because you'll still know
21:39 and your curiosity will get the better of you,
21:41 oh maybe that's such and such about
21:43 tomorrow night. Just you don't wanna be
21:45 bothered with it, you are investing in
21:47 something better. And dad is the key player
21:51 of family time. There's no doubt, well that's
21:54 brings us into another topic which I want to
21:56 touch you on, you know some times its mom
22:01 who has more of a burden for family life
22:06 then dad does. Dad's kind of maxed out with
22:08 what he's got on his plate already with employment
22:11 and stuff. But we have noticed as we have
22:14 interacted and counseled with families over the
22:17 years that when mom is trying to get the family
22:21 on track, its hard to do it single handed,
22:26 but when dad gets on board it seems like
22:29 it takes a big lead forward, and you know
22:32 wives if you are watching this program thinking
22:34 Oh! I wish my husband was watching the program,
22:37 call the number in the corner of the screen,
22:40 get a couple of the DVDs or get the book
22:43 or something and wrap it up in a big gift
22:45 and put a bow on it and say Sweetie,
22:47 I've got something for you, let's read it
22:49 together when the kids have gone to bed or.
22:51 You know let's just pop this in the DVD player
22:54 or load it on your phone or something,
22:56 so you can watch this together.
22:58 In fact, you know that makes me think,
23:01 that's really how we've really come together
23:05 on a lot of these things once the children have
23:06 gone to bed, and we sat debriefed on the day
23:09 and we've talked about and trashed out a lot
23:11 of these different things as a family, yeah.
23:13 That we've come to these conclusions is just by
23:15 doing that very thing. Yes. That is exactly
23:18 right okay. You, so, number four was no answering
23:21 the phone and that men, that means a commitment
23:23 from you. Right, number five Carolyn.
23:26 We want to seek for healthy balance in the
23:28 things that we do, so it's not all Play-doh
23:31 and painting. If you got a family that stretches
23:34 across a lot of ages and your children
23:36 you've got a three year old and a sixteen year old,
23:39 you don't want to all the things but the three
23:41 year old wants to do or reversely not all
23:43 the things the 16 years old wants to do,
23:45 but shared out a bit. And it's not all just
23:48 the playthings, but the family work things
23:51 that you do together. When you're doing
23:53 it together, it can be a lot of fun no matter
23:55 what it is, cleaning the cars as a family
23:57 together can be a blast. Hey, if it's summer,
23:59 you can have a lot of fun. You might get a bit wet,
24:02 but hey the car got cleaned,
24:03 so did you probably. So, try and spread out
24:07 the activities, and that's why what we've chosen
24:09 to do is we like to make a schedule, each not
24:12 a person has a night and they get to chose
24:14 what happens that night, and it kind of just evens
24:16 things out of it. That is solid advise,
24:19 and I hope you got that at home you know
24:22 we'll hit a review later on, but you know those,
24:26 that was good points, and if you follow those
24:28 you will have a great time as a family
24:31 and you know we base this program on a scripture
24:36 and perhaps we should have mentioned
24:38 it at the beginning, but it's a good place
24:40 here as well. In Psalm 133 and verse 1,
24:43 and it says, behold how good and how pleasant
24:47 it is the brethren or how we would say today
24:51 would be family. How pleasant it is the family
24:54 dwelt together in unity, and I know that
24:57 we are as I said earlier on we're calling
25:02 on your time, but friends we need to
25:04 invest in the best. If we want our children
25:07 to grow up different from the children around us,
25:11 if want them to grow up closer to us
25:14 and closer to God at the end of the day
25:16 then we are gonna have to do some things
25:18 differently as a family, and as I said in the
25:21 program family time has been one of the
25:24 greatest blessings for us. So, we're gonna take a
25:27 break right now, and we'll be with you
25:29 in just a few moments, stick with us.