Participants: Paul & Carolyn Rayne (Host), Hannah & Caleb Rayne
Series Code: HTH
Program Code: HTH00009A
00:01 Its Review time on Happy the Home,
00:03 today we will revisit the last few programs,
00:05 join us as we look again
00:06 at our most powerful motivator,
00:08 one on one time and its not my birthday.
00:32 Thank you for joining us today,
00:34 we're gonna review the last three programs.
00:37 And you might say well why do we do need to review?
00:41 Well think of it this way if your child was gonna
00:46 be doing a test in the morning at school
00:48 and you were to inquire of them,
00:51 so have you got your Math test tomorrow,
00:53 and they say, yeah. Have you looked over your work?
00:56 Well, no, we did it once in class,
00:58 I don't need to go over it.
01:00 I think as a parent you might say well it be
01:02 worth just skipping through the pages
01:04 and jogging up your memory.
01:05 So that is exactly what we're gonna
01:07 do on you today. We want to review
01:11 as Carolyn has said those last three programs
01:14 and the reason being is that
01:18 if you have not being taking part in the
01:21 specific challenges, we wanna challenge
01:25 you afresh to get involved in this program
01:28 and that means doing some of the things
01:31 that we're outlining. You know there is an
01:32 old saying you, you may have heard
01:34 we don't get to learn to swim on the shore.
01:38 Well you're on the shore at the moment,
01:40 you sat there in your comfort chair
01:42 or you're in the kitchen or whatever you're doing
01:44 and you're watching this program
01:46 that's fairly comfy. We want you to actually
01:50 get in the water so to speak with your children
01:53 and do some of these challenges that we put
01:55 at the end of each program.
01:57 So, we're gonna review the programs,
01:58 or review the challenges.
02:03 If you have been doing the challenges
02:05 then there is a text I'd like to give you,
02:09 it says in Galatians chapter 6 and verse 9
02:13 it says, let us not grow weary in well doing
02:17 for in due season we shall reap if we faint not.
02:22 So, you might say yeah Paul,
02:23 I've been doing these challenges you've been
02:26 putting out, I've been doing my best
02:27 and we're seeing improvement.
02:29 But boy, when are you gonna yeah, ease off on us.
02:33 Well, I must admit this first section of
02:36 Happy the Home, the first thirteen programs
02:38 is the most intensive on the parents.
02:41 We won't be keeping up this pace all
02:43 the way through, but don't be weary
02:45 in well doing for in due season you will reap,
02:49 that means you will gain the benefits,
02:52 if you faint not, if you don't give up.
02:55 So, stick with us, keep going.
02:57 So, we're gonna look at the first program
02:59 in this today's review, which is program number
03:03 six and it was our most powerful motivator.
03:07 If you remember the scripture we based that
03:08 program on was a word fitly spoken is like apples
03:14 of gold in pictures of silver,
03:16 that was Proverbs 25:11. You know our, Oh! See
03:21 if you can remember just say out loud
03:23 what was a most powerful motivator?
03:25 What was it if you watched that program?
03:27 Well, probably if they watched that program
03:30 the thing they're remembering was
03:32 the disastrous beginnings of that program.
03:35 Okay, well we hope that that was beneficial
03:40 to you either if you remember that
03:42 open the reason we had the children
03:45 they were causing chaos here in the living room,
03:47 and the parents came back from
03:49 the doctor's appointment and the first time
03:51 we handled it as typically we would,
03:53 any parent would handle, we just kind of lost it,
03:57 we just kind of vented on the children
03:59 and there was no encouragement
04:02 for change in the children.
04:04 All we did was kind of scare them I guess.
04:06 And then Carolyn and I came back
04:09 and we role played doing that all over again,
04:12 the children were here making a mess again
04:14 we came back from the doctor's appointment.
04:17 And if you noticed in that program it were
04:19 that role play, it was too much of a stressful
04:24 situation to deal with it right then.
04:26 So what we did was we just simply gave
04:28 instructions to tidy up and we left it at that
04:31 and then we talked about it as a family afterwards.
04:34 Which is really, it is way of not discouraging
04:37 as well as encouraging.
04:38 So, Carolyn. We have talked about that program
04:42 since and I think it will be fair to say
04:45 the children wanted you the viewers to know
04:48 that was a role play, that is not
04:49 what they usually do. But you know the points
04:53 of the program there most powerful motivator
04:57 was words, encouraging words spoken to our
05:02 children are truly like gold and silver to them.
05:07 And it's no wonder that we as parents don't use
05:10 encouragement more often.
05:12 We talked about as people encourage us,
05:16 how that lifts our hearts
05:17 and it draws us out to them?
05:19 And we are the ones that God has put in-charge
05:23 of our children to bring them up.
05:26 So, we need to use encouraging words parents.
05:29 I know its not natural, it's very natural just
05:32 to treat the children, I was gonna say like dirt,
05:38 so I don't that sounds too strong
05:40 but we can you talked about that negative
05:42 cycle remember. Yeah when you get
05:44 into that and you just can't help
05:46 but you see negative after negative thing
05:48 comes out and you're kind of locked into it
05:50 I think also that often people treat their pets
05:53 better than their children.
05:55 But you know encouraging words
05:57 are not just beneficial to our children,
05:59 but they are beneficial to ourselves
06:00 because we are influenced by our own words.
06:04 And the more negative things we say the more
06:07 negative we feel, and the more negative
06:09 we say and so it's a vicious circle that keeps
06:12 going around because of the words that come
06:14 out of our own mouths. I know that we,
06:17 you and I have both struggled with giving
06:19 encouragement at times, and we have found that
06:23 as we speak that encouragement out
06:27 we influence our-self to be more encouraging
06:30 and so it's Carolyn, you talked about the vicious
06:32 circle this is a positive circle going
06:35 in the right direction. I mentioned also on
06:38 program number six which we are reviewing
06:40 at the moment. Hey Carolyn, maybe you
06:42 could just grab the Connected Family Book.
06:45 I wanted to remind you as way of review
06:50 that each program corresponds to a chapter
06:54 in The Connected Family, the book that Carolyn
06:56 and I put together and it was the sole purpose
07:00 of that book was to be a companion to this program.
07:04 So, if you're watching the program, great,
07:07 get the book as well. Because it's near
07:09 the half of what we're trying to present.
07:12 Go ahead. I was gonna talk about encouragement
07:14 in little ways too, encouragement
07:16 you know in big things is very important,
07:18 but it's the little things everyday to make up
07:20 the some of what life is? And so we are so,
07:24 as family to have some of those non-verbal
07:27 encouraging jester so to speak,
07:29 because we travel a lot, we're seminar speakers,
07:32 we're not always able to be right next to our
07:34 children in conversion about things.
07:37 But we have different, different actions
07:39 and you know one of these as we're looking
07:41 at our child across the other side the room,
07:43 we would do this and they know it's a question,
07:45 how are you doing? You're doing good,
07:46 doing bad, you're doing okay not kind of you know
07:50 and I'll do one of these. We know just what we're
07:52 talking about, and that's just real encouragement
07:54 or pass them we're just going to blow a kiss
07:57 as we go by. And they know we mean,
08:00 hey we're connected with you,
08:01 our hearts are with you, even if we can't be right
08:04 there in every moment. You know if you have
08:08 some of this encouraging communication with
08:11 your children, I know one family, and they started
08:14 to trying and to do this and the way they were
08:16 trying to give encouragement
08:17 to their children was just a smile just,
08:20 just a nice hearty smile and the children
08:23 kind of looked at it like what's mom's problem,
08:26 she keeps smiling at us. That's weird,
08:29 and you know so don't expect immediate results
08:34 if you start trying to give encouragement
08:36 and be cheerful around your children,
08:38 they're probably gonna think, there's something
08:40 going with mom and dad. Praise God, if there's
08:42 something going with mom and dad.
08:43 Mom and dad are becoming new parents.
08:46 So, Carolyn, why are some reasons that
08:51 we are not the encouraging parents
08:54 that we should be, can you just run
08:55 through first one. One of those is that
08:58 we get zoned into what the situation is, right.
09:02 And so we send our child to clean their room,
09:04 to clean the kitchen whatever it is
09:05 we want them to do. And we don't go
09:08 and say oh wow you did great job,
09:10 we go and we say, huh, how come this is still
09:13 not good and this isn't good, and I could share
09:15 it very real, because I really have had to
09:18 struggle with that, work with that,
09:19 and continue to grow in that area.
09:22 So, just expecting them to achieve something
09:26 to the level we think, and there by if they
09:29 haven't, we aren't encouraging. Right.
09:31 So then we focus on the problem rather
09:33 then encouraging the little bit of good.
09:35 Even if our children try to do good,
09:38 even if they fail in what they were trying to do,
09:41 encouragement for trying it goes a long way.
09:45 So, we encourage you in that program that this is,
09:49 this encouraging words is quite a bit
09:51 more difficult then you might think.
09:53 You might go away from this program
09:55 and say okay, that sounds doable.
09:57 And then you go through a whole day and you think,
09:59 man I haven't said anything,
10:00 in fact I've just gone into that negative cycle
10:03 that Carolyn spoke about. So, you're gonna
10:05 need to pray about this. If you are a praying
10:09 person then great, if you're not a praying
10:11 person you can just say God help me to be an
10:14 encouraging parent and you're here, you will get
10:18 a little thought in your conscious that will
10:20 remind you, you could say something nice now.
10:23 And if you don't miss it sometimes it happens
10:25 so quick, you miss it, but if you don't miss it
10:27 you can speak those encouraging words
10:30 to your children. It is a very powerful tool,
10:34 the big businesses spend millions every year
10:36 on advertising, encouraging us to
10:39 buy stuff and we end up buying it
10:41 because they know encouragement works.
10:43 And we want to assure you that encouragement
10:46 in the family is the missing ingredient
10:49 in many families to a happy enjoyable
10:52 relationship with our children.
10:54 You know, we're gonna talk a little bit about
10:57 flattery and praise, but we leave you to order
11:00 the DVD number 6 from the number
11:03 on the corner of the screen that we are gonna
11:04 move on for the sake of time, and we are gonna
11:07 review program 7 which was One-on-One time,
11:11 and actually in this series "Happy the Home"
11:14 we're gonna have two programs.
11:16 One of them is called One-on-One time part one
11:18 and the other one is called One-on-One time
11:20 Part two that's ahead of us.
11:22 But we're just gonna review the first time
11:25 we went around. One-on-One time
11:28 in a marriage is enjoyable, don't you say?
11:32 It is vital. What are some of the benefits of that?
11:35 What does One-on-One time do for us?
11:37 One-on-One time enables us to become deeper
11:42 heart to heart and more intimate in our
11:44 conversations and in our relationship
11:47 and so we understand that as it pertains
11:49 to marriage, but often we don't think of that
11:52 in relation to our children, I mean they
11:53 are just our children, you know they grow up
11:55 and they go on in life and we are together
11:57 and that's how that works on.
11:59 But we can have a very different bond
12:01 with our children if we choose to do that,
12:03 and it's gonna have to be a choice,
12:05 it doesn't come not truly but that One-on-One time
12:08 is an opportunity to go deeper to be more
12:10 personally connected. It just creates an
12:13 atmosphere of intimacy.
12:16 That can't be there any other way.
12:18 We tend to these days in the way world is.
12:22 We have One-on-One time with our PC,
12:24 is a personal computer. One person drives it
12:27 and that's kind of how it is and we are much more
12:30 used to that then we are sitting down
12:31 and having One-on-One time with another
12:33 individual. Because a lot of those products
12:35 are called I, it's all about me. I it's not we.
12:39 We don't get WePods and WePhones, it's all I,
12:42 it's all about me and my little world that can
12:45 shrink down into a tiny little screen.
12:47 So the art of One-on-One time has been lost.
12:52 It's been lost in this generation
12:55 we are losing it, and so we want to try
12:58 and reverse that and we have found,
13:01 Carolyn and I found great benefit in having
13:05 some personal One-on-One time with our children,
13:08 you know, and when we first started doing it,
13:10 we found the children didn't really know
13:12 how to converse with us, and we didn't know
13:14 how to deal with them either. No, we would
13:16 say well, what's wrong with you?
13:17 Why don't you talk? So, we would ask a
13:20 question so, Caleb, how are you doing today?
13:22 Good, good, so what's good? Yeah, I am doing good.
13:27 And you know if he didn't have the motivation
13:29 to want to dig deeper,
13:31 find out what good really meant.
13:32 That could be the end of the conversation
13:34 and we've had conversations like that
13:36 and the Lord has called to our heart to say
13:38 that you need to make the effort and that's
13:40 what it takes friends. Putting out some effort
13:43 to dig deeper and find out a bit more about good,
13:45 okay, so we'd say, no good isn't good enough.
13:48 We want to know what, what's good about your day.
13:51 Well, if you remember in program number
13:54 seven the one that we're reviewing now.
13:55 We talked in there about the importance of trying
14:01 to engage your children in things that are
14:03 interesting to them and then they are much more
14:06 likely to open up and I shared the experience
14:08 of us going skiing together.
14:11 My children and I, we go ski down the slope
14:13 and that really isn't One-on-One time where
14:16 we just kind of stay up right, do not get hurt
14:19 and dodge the trees and stuff.
14:20 But when we get to the bottom we get back
14:22 on the chairlift and we go up together then
14:25 its One-on-One time and I could start to talk
14:27 to the children, their hearts open up.
14:29 You had some special time taking Hannah to town,
14:32 I remember that we talked about in number 7.
14:34 But where do we find this principle of One-on-One
14:39 time in the scriptures its right there in
14:43 Luke chapter 9 and verse 10 and it wasn't
14:47 necessarily One-on-One time, but let me read
14:49 it to you. Then He, is talking about Jesus,
14:52 talketh then in context to his disciples.
14:55 So Jesus took his disciples and went aside
14:58 privately away from the crowd into a desert place
15:04 or a deserted place, and there they spent some
15:08 time together and they were talking,
15:10 Jesus himself knew that if he could take
15:13 his children, his disciples, his 12 unruly
15:18 sons so to speak. If he could take them away
15:21 from the busyness of the scribes and the Pharisees
15:24 and the towns and all of that, and he could have
15:26 some special time with them, the atmosphere
15:29 would go deeper and he would get down to hot level.
15:32 We need to learn that lesson from a example
15:36 from our savior, there is real value in
15:39 One-on-One time. We challenged you
15:44 at the end of that program to and I know
15:47 it's a sacrifice you will sit in there home
15:49 thinking, I agree everything you are saying,
15:52 but where we are gonna find the time.
15:54 Well, why are you watching this program?
15:58 Are you watch this program for maybe
16:00 some entertainment, just because you've gotten
16:02 nothing else to do or is it that you want to be
16:07 a better parent. If you wanna be a better parent
16:10 it's gonna have to take some things that you've
16:12 not done before. And maybe you've not have
16:15 that One-on-One time. I'm gonna talk in a
16:19 later program Hannah and I, we are actually
16:22 going camping with a group of people the youth
16:25 classroom from church, but Hannah and I went
16:27 in a day so early and did some biking together
16:30 and we had a great time just Hannah felt like
16:32 she could just chitter chatter, I don't wanna
16:34 get too much into that story because that comes
16:36 in a later program. But lets move on
16:39 Carolyn for the. Go ahead.
16:41 Well, if you are looking for some ideas,
16:43 just to kind of propelling or get into this
16:46 One-on-One time again, we would encourage you,
16:48 take a look, get a hold of the book we have ideas
16:51 here to get you started on One-on-One time,
16:54 you know something that's necessarily natural
16:56 that you've done before and so you're gonna
16:57 be needing to get a few ideas looking there that
17:00 will get you going. You know I think we have time
17:03 that you could talk a little bit about the time
17:05 that you and Hannah had in the thrift stores,
17:07 just in review. Right, yeah so Hannah
17:10 and I have some fun One-on-One time just
17:12 the two of us, you know take those opportunities
17:14 when you're driving your children places,
17:16 going to town, you have One-on-One time
17:19 maybe if not, we got the children
17:21 doing other things. So, Hannah and I were,
17:23 we went to the thrift stores together for our
17:25 One-on-One time. I know it was just a
17:27 bunch of fun, we weren't doing any other shopping
17:29 we could have. There was plenty of things
17:31 I could have done, but I determined that this was
17:33 just gonna be, this was something Hannah said
17:35 would be fun this would just gonna be what she
17:38 and I would do. And we had a blast you know
17:40 we are just about, she just about not
17:42 quite my size, but almost so we are swapping
17:45 clothes out, if it didn't fit her it might fit me.
17:47 You know we just had a lot of fun together
17:50 and just chit-chatting way
17:51 and there was plenty of time, the fun part of thing
17:54 was that daddy gets to pay whatever we buy.
17:57 I can imagine two girls going shopping
18:01 with no guys, it couldn't be anything but fun.
18:04 Yeah, it was. Especially if we're paying the bills.
18:07 Of course we're not gonna, you there saying Aha,
18:10 you know speed up, let's get going,
18:11 I was just like oh this is just really great.
18:13 But does it have to be a long period of time?
18:15 No it doesn't, this One-on-One time
18:17 can just be driving your child to piano lesson
18:20 or to swimming lesson or whatever it is
18:22 and you just take the opportunity to connect
18:24 with them. You know, how are things really going
18:27 and at first as we said it maybe a little bit
18:30 awkward, you're not used to this,
18:31 but as you build upon this, as you, you may
18:34 have to go some real fun stuff,
18:36 kicking the ball in the park or whatever your
18:38 child wants to do to begin to connect with
18:41 their heart and then the Lord will help you
18:43 to go deeper and then maybe some things
18:45 you didn't know that you need to discover.
18:48 There is a great One-on-One time
18:50 that Carolyn just queued us into,
18:52 all moms for that matter, if you got
18:55 little children just take them to the park,
18:57 feed the ducks, through the Frisbee around,
19:00 kick the ball whatever, but you know, one more
19:03 thing on One-on-One time put the cell phone
19:07 in the off position, absolutely, yeah off
19:11 not even on vibrate, off entirely because
19:14 if you are supposed to be having a One-on-One time
19:17 with your children I can pretty much guarantee
19:20 you know the phone's gonna ring,
19:21 the text messages will come rolling or whatever
19:24 and you're supposed to be throwing the Frisbee,
19:26 but now you're putting out some kind of fire
19:28 on the phone, did they really and the child
19:31 sat there, just kind of sat on the ball
19:33 thinking well, I thought this was a special time
19:35 with me and mummy and now you know she is on
19:37 the phone. So, get rid of the cell phone just
19:39 for an hour or if you're going for half a day,
19:42 half a day leave it in the car.
19:44 The world will cope, people coped for thousands
19:48 of years without cell phones, we can go for
19:49 half an hour or half a day. So leave the
19:52 cell phone behind just for a little while
19:53 and invest some quality time in those
19:57 precious children. Okay, that's reviewed
20:01 on program number seven which was entitled
20:04 One-on-One time part one. I think the challenge
20:08 is obvious, we want you to spend some One-on-One
20:11 time with your children. Let's talk a little bit
20:13 about the last program that's our program number
20:17 eight it was entitled, But it's not my Birthday.
20:21 We spoke a little bit about that text at the
20:24 beginning Matthew 7, verse 11 if you then
20:27 being evil know how to give good gifts
20:30 to your children. How much more will your Father
20:33 who is in heaven give good
20:34 things to those that ask Him?
20:36 God seeks to bless us, his children
20:40 by giving us gifts. By giving us blessings
20:44 and it draws our heart to Him.
20:47 Then why shouldn't we as parents be wise parents,
20:51 copy the example of our Heavenly Father who is
20:54 parenting us all the way into the Heavenly Kingdom
20:57 and give wise gifts to our precious children.
21:02 You know what are some of the things
21:03 we talked about on that program Carolyn?
21:05 Well, it's an action program, this is not
21:09 a program to sit and listen and go, oh how nice
21:12 and then we want the next thing.
21:13 This is something that you're gonna be getting
21:14 involved in doing. And it relates to the previous
21:18 program when we talked about what kind of dreams
21:20 do our children have. This is about fulfilling
21:23 some of those dreams, starting to get the ball
21:26 rolling and for those of you there were on
21:28 viewing the program, the last program,
21:30 Caleb came on the set and he did not know that
21:33 we had a gift hidden on set for him.
21:35 And that was a big surprise to him
21:38 and we find out recently by going to that little
21:41 test you can do online that his love language
21:43 number one tops is gifts. And so we knew that
21:47 will be something really special to Caleb
21:48 and you know it was the opportunity for him
21:51 to go somewhere, he's always dreamed of going
21:53 to kitty hawk, that's gonna take time
21:55 for his parents. That's gonna take
21:57 some money invested, not a huge amount
22:00 of money, but some, an investment of both those
22:02 two things, and so this is an opportunity not to
22:05 wait until it's a birthday or some other
22:07 statutory time, you're supposed to show your love
22:10 and affection through gifts. This is out of the
22:13 blue because you love your child just the way
22:15 the Lord ministers to us, he doesn't just do nice
22:18 things on our birthday. He's reaching out to us
22:20 all the time and this is an opportunity for us
22:23 to do the same for our children.
22:24 And the kind of gifts that we are talking about
22:28 is not wondering around you know Toys R Us
22:31 or whatever and just cruising the isles,
22:33 oh yeah that's $15. So you find something to grab.
22:36 Yeah that was $15 that will do and just grab it
22:39 and stick it in the car. It's a thoughtful gift,
22:42 it's a sitting down and even praying about it,
22:45 Lord what is it, even asking your children
22:48 questions not, don't make any great promises
22:51 but you know it's a time to be very thoughtful
22:55 in that gift because it's meant to be,
22:57 this kind of gift that we're talking about
22:59 is a different kind of gift, its one that
23:02 we are going to really minister to,
23:05 a desire that our children have.
23:07 And so we can't be casual in that gift,
23:09 it has to be a, has to be a gift that is gonna make
23:14 the heart cry and not a gift that's just
23:17 for material things, we talked on that program
23:20 also that really what that children want more
23:23 than anything, if they could verbalize it.
23:25 In fact there have been some studies done
23:27 on this as well and I won't quote them
23:29 because I can't remember them exactly
23:31 but I remembered one, that it was something
23:33 like that when teenagers were asked what they
23:36 missed most growing up. The overwhelming answer
23:41 was time with mom and dad and we tend to buy them
23:46 stuff instead of giving them ourselves
23:50 and it's us they want, they want companionship
23:53 with us. They're not gonna tell you that
23:55 necessarily you know if you say what you want
23:57 oh yeah I just want time with you,
23:59 I mean in many families it's not even cool
24:02 anymore for the children to wanna spend time
24:04 with the parents, that's like, but its a
24:06 heart cry, it's a heart cry because its peer
24:13 pressure is putting that on there and we know
24:15 who deals with the peer pressure.
24:17 That comes from the enemy of families,
24:19 he is trying to break up the families,
24:21 the heart cry of young people is that they want
24:24 time with mom and dad. So think of some special
24:27 gift do some investigation you know I am feeling
24:30 a little bit sorry for you as the viewers
24:32 at this point because we keep referring back
24:35 and if you haven't seen the programs previous
24:40 to this I encourage you to write into 3ABN
24:44 they will send you the DVDs I am sure
24:45 or if you wait a long time they will probably
24:48 replay this and you can get to watch it
24:50 all over again, but we are ways away from getting
24:53 back to this point, but what you can do if you
24:56 wanna catch you up is you can go online,
24:58 you can get yourself The Connected Family
25:01 book again and sorry we keep pushing that
25:04 I think they are gonna run an ad for that
25:05 here in a moment, but it really will get
25:08 you up to speed on where we are
25:10 and it will make a difference.
25:13 If when you are sick you and you are really sick,
25:17 you've been in an auto accident or whatever,
25:18 they put you in Intensive Care and you get very
25:22 specialized treatment where you got people
25:25 working around the clock to get you back to health.
25:28 And really that's what these first few
25:30 programs are, it's Intensive Care Parenting,
25:33 getting you into a different relationship
25:37 with your children that you can,
25:39 you can win their affections.
25:41 Because in future programs not too far away now,
25:44 we're gonna be taking you into a time where
25:47 you can have invite your children into a closer
25:50 relationship with God. So, we'll run the break
25:53 at this point and we'll be back very shortly.