Participants: Paul & Carolyn Rayne (Host), Hannah & Caleb Rayne
Series Code: HTH
Program Code: HTH00005A
00:01 Today on Happy the Home,
00:03 we are going to review the last four programs.
00:04 So stay tuned, as we cover two hours of practical parenting
00:08 in less than 30 minutes.
00:36 Welcome to Happy the Home.
00:37 We're in program number five, which corresponds with
00:42 Chapter 5 in the companion book.
00:44 We'll talk a little bit about that.
00:46 I am Paul Rayne.
00:47 This is my lovely wife, Carolyn,
00:49 and today we are going to review
00:52 the four programs that we've had so far.
00:55 The reason for the review is because
00:58 each program is building on the next program.
01:01 So we want to get you right up to speed.
01:03 If this is the only program you've watched so far
01:05 you're right in with us.
01:07 We are part of a ministry called Restoration International
01:11 and we are delighted that you've invited us, in the form of
01:15 tuning in to 3ABN, to be in your living room today.
01:18 We pray that we'll have a blessing together.
01:21 Happy the Home is the name of the program
01:24 and it's a program that you not only watch.
01:28 It's a program that you do.
01:30 You'll get the sense of that as we go through today's program
01:33 because if we watch the TV,
01:36 and we hear all kinds of good stuff,
01:39 but we don't make a choice
01:41 to put some of those things into action
01:43 and we're particularly talking about
01:45 how that relates to raising our children
01:47 and family life,
01:48 then the TV was just entertainment,
01:52 just kind of killing time.
01:54 So, we really want you to engage in this.
01:56 If you need to grab a pencil a paper,
01:58 now's a good time.
01:59 It's not going to be difficult stuff.
02:01 Anybody can follow along,
02:03 no matter what kind of kids you have
02:05 and no matter what kind of parents you are.
02:07 So, Carolyn, tell us about the
02:11 different sections that we have in Happy the Home.
02:13 Section 1 is called winning our child's heart.
02:16 You know, if we want our children to do things
02:18 that we feel a burden for,
02:19 we need to win their hearts first
02:21 and that really is what this whole section is about.
02:24 Section 2 is where we're gonna, once we have their affections
02:29 and we're going to review that at the end of the first section,
02:32 which is about Program 13, I think.
02:34 Then we're gonna move on
02:35 and see if our children are willing to make a commitment
02:39 to God, a commitment to Christ.
02:41 A small step for some, or maybe a big step for others.
02:44 Section 3 is entitled
02:46 Developing Christian Principles at Home.
02:49 This is a really practical
02:51 section where we really get down into the nitty gritties of
02:54 what's happening at home
02:55 and how we can get better at the things we do.
02:57 Now those of you who have watched the program before will
03:00 know about the companion book, whoa, wrong way,
03:02 The Connected Family.
03:05 It's a book that Carolyn and I wrote
03:08 that goes right along with the programs.
03:10 Each section in there is corresponding with
03:14 the sections that Carolyn just told you about in the programs.
03:18 So Chapter 1 goes with Program 1;
03:21 So Chapter 2 goes with Program 2 and so on.
03:24 If you're gonna get the most out of Happy the Home
03:27 here on 3ABN, you need to get yourself the companion book.
03:31 It gives you opportunity
03:33 not only to kind of review the program by reading the
03:37 the text which is probably only five or ten minutes
03:40 to read through a chapter, but...
03:42 Well, there's more stuff in there, too.
03:43 There's more stuff but the other thing is that the
03:47 challenges that we give at the end of each program is just one.
03:51 Actually, in the book there are two or three, sometimes four
03:55 that kind of all interrelate.
03:57 We're just covering one on the program.
03:59 so you do want to get that book.
04:00 Also, there's an opportunity, in the book,
04:03 to journal your progress and there's a few extra things
04:07 that you can do if you're going backwards and forwards
04:10 husband to wife.
04:11 So get yourself a couple of books, one for dad, one for mom,
04:14 and follow along.
04:16 You know, children are...
04:19 I don't know if any of you have been to a child's funeral.
04:22 It's a very sad occasion.
04:24 At that point, the emotion is high
04:28 that we will do anything for our children.
04:31 But, praise God, there is no funeral today.
04:34 You've got children.
04:35 There in your home, or they're accessible.
04:38 You're watching this program.
04:39 So don't let it be something you just watch on the screen,
04:44 that just disappears past and on comes the next program.
04:47 Let's make a difference in the hearts of our children.
04:50 Let's go on to program number one.
04:52 Program number one, we were talking about...
04:55 We read a story in family time about Shackleton.
04:59 Sir Ernie Shackleton, who got stranded in the Weddell Sea
05:04 down somewhere near Antarctica.
05:06 He ended up in a very difficult situation.
05:10 He needed three specific things.
05:13 He needed determination.
05:16 He needed commitment and he needed power.
05:19 We were encouraging you, if you remember that program
05:23 or if you're just reviewing here, to pray specifically.
05:27 As we through Happy the Home, we want you to be praying
05:31 every day, God, give me
05:35 the ability to be a committed parent,
05:38 to be a determined parent.
05:40 Some of the step-forwards that we are going to take
05:43 are gonna be challenging.
05:45 I don't think that we've had any really challenging ones yet.
05:47 Maybe one. That's staying quiet
05:49 if you've found anything amiss in the bedrooms.
05:51 We want you to be praying those prayers.
05:54 That was really Program 1;
05:56 prayer is the foundation to good parenting.
06:01 If you remember, we were also encouraging the viewers
06:04 to pray specifically for their children.
06:07 That's right.
06:08 By name, their specific needs that they have.
06:10 Their weaknesses, their strengths also.
06:12 You'd be praising the Lord for those.
06:14 But specific prayer for our children.
06:16 Program number two was entitled What in Their World is Going On.
06:22 This is where we had you,
06:24 or if you're just watching this for the first time
06:27 we want to introduce you to the idea of
06:29 kind of being a secret detective
06:33 to figure out how your children tick:
06:36 What makes them happy?
06:40 What makes them sad?
06:41 What are their interests in life?
06:45 We figured out that,
06:48 often times, that doesn't happen because
06:51 the parents are distracted.
06:54 They're distracted. The children are doing their own thing
06:57 so this generation gap starts to...
07:00 and that's an old term, but it's very real.
07:03 Carolyn, what are some of the ways
07:07 that we as parents can get distracted?
07:09 We talked about overcommitment.
07:11 Life seems to have become so busy these days
07:15 there's not time even for the basic needs of the family
07:18 anymore because we're all in a rush and a run.
07:20 So, overcommitment:
07:22 too many meetings to go to,
07:24 too many social engagements as well
07:26 that throw us into everything but
07:28 taking care of our own families.
07:29 What makes me laugh is, we've all seen those commercials
07:32 and they say, This product will save you time.
07:35 It will save you money and
07:37 give you more time for the things that matter.
07:39 I don't know if you've heard any of those kind of ads, but
07:43 you know, it's just advertising because
07:45 those things actually steal you away from your children.
07:49 It can be for us guys, often times, it can be employment.
07:54 It can be our business, our occupation, our career.
07:57 Whatever you want to call it.
07:58 But we go to work and we come home and at the end we just
08:02 flop out on the couch and it's like...
08:04 Have you done that?
08:05 I've done that.
08:06 Oh, yeah.
08:07 It's like, Children, you want me to play now?
08:10 I mean, c'mon, get real.
08:12 Dad's had a hard day at work.
08:13 You just amuse yourself and leave me alone.
08:17 So could it be that good things can get in the way
08:21 and distract us from really
08:23 tuning in to our children's world?
08:24 Yeah. It can because...
08:26 What about church? Could that do that?
08:27 Yeah. I don't know if any of you viewers are church goers but
08:30 you know, some churches...
08:31 there's lots of people and the work's spread out
08:34 but in most churches I've had to do with
08:36 the work of keeping the church going is
08:39 limited to just a few people.
08:41 If you're one of those people that you feel like
08:45 Oh, it's my duty to help out at church.
08:47 I think it is our duty, but if we are so busy at church
08:51 that as we're disappearing off to some study or
08:55 something and we've got children saying
08:56 Dad, why can't you have any time with us?
08:59 Why do you always have to be doing that stuff?
09:01 I hope that's a call to our hearts.
09:04 I'm not saying that, obviously, church activities are wrong.
09:07 But if they take the place of
09:10 family, or they eclipse family so that family can't grow,
09:14 sooner or later...
09:15 Carolyn and I are speaking from experience on this.
09:17 Sooner or later, we will run out of ministry
09:21 because family was not in its place.
09:23 God did have a gospel order.
09:25 He had the marriage... Our relationship with God was first,
09:28 and our marriage was next, our family was next
09:30 and then reaching out, in all those different aspects of life
09:34 reaching out is important as well.
09:37 You were talking in the previous program about sports.
09:40 That was something that was big in your childhood.
09:42 In adulthood, as a parent, for guys particularly,
09:47 sports can be a big thing that eclipses everything.
09:49 That's right, and the kids get left out.
09:52 So, mothers and fathers, take the time
09:55 to find out how your children tick.
10:00 Be observant. Be connected.
10:04 I've got a scripture here that I remember. Proverbs 27:23
10:10 It says, Be diligent to know the state of your flock
10:14 and attend to your herds.
10:17 I hope you can take that to its spiritual depth.
10:21 You need to find out where your children are.
10:23 Another way a generation gap can start
10:29 and we can get disconnected from our children
10:31 is the techie world.
10:33 We looked at that quite a bit in program number two.
10:35 We found out that they can be
10:37 texting away and doing all kinds of things
10:41 and we are oblivious to the world that they're in.
10:44 I remember one time I was at some big church meetings.
10:47 There was a thousand people there in the auditorium.
10:49 The speaker was up there giving a great message.
10:52 There were some girls in front of me and
10:54 they were texting.
10:55 The mother saw it.
10:57 She kind of said, you know, give me the cell phone.
11:01 She didn't say anything because the meeting was going on.
11:03 The girls were kind of...
11:06 They didn't want that.
11:07 Eventually, the mother reached out
11:11 and she said, you know, I want it, I want it now.
11:14 The girls were going through
11:18 deleting all the text messages
11:20 and then they gave the cell phone to mommy.
11:22 If we are not techie parents,
11:27 and our children are in the technical world,
11:29 which is quite possible,
11:30 then, they are in a different world to us.
11:33 Stuff is going on and ignorance is not bliss, parents.
11:37 We need to know what is going on
11:40 in our children's techie world.
11:41 Carolyn and I made this decision a while ago that
11:45 we are gonna stay techie. Aren't we?
11:47 We are gonna keep up.
11:49 I've said to my children that
11:50 you are not gonna get ahead of Daddy, technically.
11:53 To this stage, they're 14 and 12,
11:57 and there's nothing that they can do on an iPod
11:59 or a computer that I can't do.
12:01 So, I'm determined to stay ahead of them because
12:04 it connects me with their world.
12:05 I know how to check their,
12:08 the stuff that they do on there.
12:10 You need to as well, parents.
12:12 Don't let the technical world escape you.
12:15 It is part of our children's life.
12:17 So children are kind of like 3ABN:
12:20 constantly transmitting.
12:22 That's right.
12:23 They're constantly sending out messages,
12:24 and we need to be tuned in to their message.
12:27 To listen to their... to listen to their body language
12:30 to listen to their music,
12:32 not that we have to listen to their music but
12:33 to know what they're in to,
12:35 so that we can connect with them.
12:37 On the techie side there's a web site.
12:40 It is internet safety 101 dot org.
12:44 If I lost you a bit on some of that the techie stuff
12:47 or you feel a little bit overwhelmed
12:49 see if you can get online
12:51 and just type into the browser there,
12:54 into Internet Explorer or whatever
12:56 type out internetsafety101.org.
13:00 It will take you to a site that will help you to know
13:03 what jpeg images are,
13:06 and what YouTube is and all that kind of stuff
13:09 so that you can know what your kids are doing on the web.
13:13 Whether it's at home or at school or
13:15 on their mobile phone or whatever.
13:17 Program number three, Carolyn, was a great program.
13:21 It was called The Effects of Affection.
13:24 There we talked about different kinds of home atmosphere.
13:29 Why don't you recall some of that for us?
13:31 Well, we kind of related the home atmosphere
13:33 to the real atmosphere outside of the home, the weather.
13:37 We're all very familiar with that.
13:39 You know, how those different atmospheres,
13:41 the cloudy home: what that's like.
13:43 Generally, there's just a general negativeness
13:45 in the home; easy to get agitated with each other,
13:49 easy to put each other down.
13:51 That kind of a home atmosphere.
13:53 Then there's the stormy home where
13:55 the clouds have built up now
13:57 and people start shouting at each other
13:59 or there's clashes that take place.
14:01 The rainy home where harsh words are said
14:04 and somebody starts crying; a child.
14:07 Even if the parents don't cry on the outside
14:09 maybe they're crying on the inside.
14:10 And then we talked about the sunny home.
14:13 That's the environment that we all want to have.
14:15 We all like sunshine, after all, on the outside.
14:17 So, you're using that term sunshine.
14:19 What do you mean by
14:21 trying to create a sunny atmosphere in the home?
14:25 Where people are courteous, one to another.
14:27 Where there's love and kind words spoken.
14:30 It's just a place you want to be
14:32 rather than get me out of here to anywhere else.
14:34 Now, that would seem like everybody would want that.
14:38 But from our travels, speaking to people
14:41 it seems that that doesn't...
14:43 It doesn't happen a great deal.
14:46 It seems like we're nice in public.
14:50 How are you, sir? Good to meet you.
14:52 It's great to see you again.
14:54 and then the children are
14:57 Don't bug me! Don't bug me!
14:58 Well, you know, we can even be
15:00 kinder to our pets than we are to our children.
15:03 How do we know that?
15:06 Because we've got pets.
15:07 And because pets don't bug you in the same way.
15:11 Exactly. -You know, sometime the children...
15:13 They don't answer back. - Yeah.
15:14 So, let's go a little bit more on this sunny home, Carolyn.
15:18 Tell me a little bit more.
15:21 How does forgiveness play into a sunny home?
15:24 Forgiveness is a big part of a sunny home.
15:26 Because, we've all messed up and we all know that we have.
15:30 So often we go round with this kind of head in the air,
15:33 it wasn't anything to do with me,
15:34 I'll speak to him when he speaks to me,
15:37 type of atmosphere and it just destroys the home atmosphere.
15:41 if we would just go to our spouse, to our children,
15:44 just say, you know, I shouldn't have said what I did.
15:47 I shouldn't have said it the way I did. I'm sorry.
15:50 Somehow that's a great big hurdle that we
15:53 struggle to get over.
15:54 The devil knows that.
15:56 He does not want us to get over that.
15:57 That's why the hurdle is there.
15:59 But, oh! It's some much easier if we choose to go there.
16:02 And if we, as parents, set the example
16:05 our children will quickly follow.
16:07 What if you and I, as happens in every marriage,
16:11 if you and I have cross words?
16:14 And we end up, kind of, clashing?
16:18 How do you think that affects the children?
16:20 It's a painful experience for children to see...
16:25 That's a whole... We're not gonna go to that whole subject
16:27 But when children see parents at each other...
16:30 That is a painful thing for children.
16:32 If it happens too often, children will start to emulate.
16:37 And then you'll see in your children
16:38 the same contention that you've had with each other
16:41 going on with them and their siblings.
16:43 I don't know if you are seeing that in your children.
16:48 I don't think there's a parent on planet earth,
16:51 if they are really observant
16:53 that isn't seeing themselves walking around
16:58 and we don't tend to see the good traits as much
17:01 but we see the bad traits and we think
17:03 Oh! Where did that come from?
17:05 And, it's like, yeah, duh! Where did it come from?
17:08 It came from me
17:09 That's my little self in my child walking around.
17:13 Somehow, other people's children cannot bug you so much
17:18 but when you see your own character defects
17:20 running around the home.
17:22 Somehow that gets, at least for me,
17:24 I'm just being vulnerable,
17:25 that hits a spot, right in there that oh I need the Lord for
17:29 otherwise self is gonna deal with it.
17:31 So we're talking about sunshine though.
17:33 We've got to turn this negative cycle that happens at home,
17:38 the clouds and the sparks, and turn it into something positive.
17:42 Just simply playing with the children. Enjoying them.
17:48 Telling them that you appreciate them.
17:50 Maybe they've just done what they're supposed to do
17:54 but at least give them some encouragement and say
17:57 Hey children, I really appreciate the fact that you
18:00 dried up or did the dishes or
18:03 loaded the dishwasher or something.
18:05 Another thing that I like to do,
18:08 it brings sunshine to our home,
18:11 is with my boy, Caleb
18:13 I like to ruffle his hair.
18:16 I'll take it and I'll just go...
18:17 on top of his hair and he goes Aww, Dad.
18:20 Or pull the ponytail on my daughter's hair.
18:24 She doesn't do ponytails now, but when she was younger.
18:27 These are only little things.
18:29 Really, what we're talking about is a disposition in the parents.
18:34 Ask God for a disposition to be a happy mommy,
18:38 or a happy daddy,
18:40 so the children like to be around you.
18:42 So they don't mind just come and sitting on the couch
18:44 and dropping their head on your shoulder without feeling like
18:48 I'm gonna get told off because I've done something wrong.
18:53 That was program number three.
18:55 All that was under the Effects of Affection.
18:58 We need to have affection at home.
19:01 It's part of drawing the children closer to us
19:04 and ultimately closer to their God.
19:07 Program number four.
19:08 What was that about, Carolyn?
19:09 It was called Discovering Their Dreams.
19:11 Maybe there's something your children have always
19:14 dreamed of doing and you didn't know about it.
19:16 What would happen if their life came and went
19:19 and it never got fulfilled when you could have fulfilled it?
19:21 What a sadness that would be.
19:23 Program number four is about discovering what those dreams
19:27 are, deep in their hearts.
19:28 If they're little children, they're going to be different
19:30 to if they're teenagers but,
19:31 starting to discover what those dreams are.
19:34 Why do we need to discover what their dreams are?
19:37 How does that play into Happy the Home?
19:39 Because, if we can fulfill some of those dreams,
19:42 even without trying, it starts to bind our hearts to theirs.
19:46 - Right. The whole purpose of this
19:48 is to lead our children to Christ.
19:50 And as we lead our children to Christ,
19:52 we're seeking to bind our hearts with theirs
19:55 and they will be much more willing to follow us
19:57 in a path that they may not have chosen in and of themselves
20:01 because it wouldn't be necessarily what their peers
20:03 would choose, but taking them in a right direction.
20:06 Children, if they could articulate it...
20:10 All children want friends, don't they?
20:12 Who do they gravitate to?
20:15 They gravitate to people who please them.
20:19 People who show an interest in them.
20:21 If that isn't Mom and Dad...
20:24 if Mom and Dad are kind of tuned out of their children's world
20:28 and not affectionate and they're not interested
20:31 in helping them along in life in a deeper way.
20:34 I think every parent is interested in their children but
20:37 if were not meeting their deeper needs
20:40 then they are naturally going to look for that
20:44 in somebody else.
20:45 When they're ten, they're going to look for it in their buddies.
20:50 When they're 15, or 18 or maybe even younger,
20:55 they start looking for that in the opposite sex.
20:58 It's like the parents get bypassed at that point
21:03 because there isn't a close connection.
21:06 So, if you've got younger children
21:08 now is the time to be drawing them close to your heart.
21:12 Because, for every... I mean teenagers, it's a challenge.
21:17 It's not an easy time.
21:18 So, we need to be binding those hearts of our children to us.
21:22 We also looked in Program 4, as I remember,
21:25 Malachi Chapter 4 and Verse 6.
21:27 God says there He wants to turn the hearts of the parents
21:31 to the children.
21:32 And in turn, almost as a natural result of that
21:35 the hearts of the children will be drawn to the parents.
21:40 Then we have a connection
21:42 that really can go places and we can steer our children.
21:46 I shared in Program 4 and
21:48 wasn't intending to but ended up being quite emotional about
21:53 the time and effort that my parents put into me
21:56 playing soccer when I was a kid.
21:59 They recognized that I lacked a lot of self-confidence
22:03 and didn't have much...
22:06 I was bottom of the class in pretty much everything at school
22:09 apart from sports.
22:10 So, you tend to just get pushed down and down.
22:14 They wanted to try and pick me up some way.
22:16 They realized I was good at soccer.
22:18 They ferried me everywhere.
22:20 Even to this day, it means so much to me.
22:24 I think it's made me part of who I am today
22:28 that my parents took that interest.
22:30 So, we are challenging you as parents, in program number four,
22:34 discover their dreams.
22:35 This isn't a program where we want you, at this point,
22:40 to go and fulfill those dreams.
22:42 We are just wanting you to discover their dreams.
22:46 We actually had Hanna and Caleb on set here
22:49 on program number four,
22:51 and we were finding out some of their dreams,
22:53 cello and flute, and how they'd been fulfilled.
22:56 I have another scripture here.
23:00 It's found in 2 Chronicles Chapter 15 and Verse 7.
23:07 It's really for parents. It says this.
23:10 It's says, Be strong and do not let your hands be weak,
23:16 for your work shall be rewarded.
23:20 That is a promise to parents.
23:23 Parents, we need to...
23:25 The ages of our children are...
23:29 They're never going to get any younger than they are right now.
23:32 We are never gonna have more time to be good parents
23:36 than right now.
23:37 So, we want to encourage you to
23:40 take some of these practical steps.
23:43 Now, I'm going to try and review those for you.
23:45 Program number one was entitled What We Need to Succeed.
23:51 we were just asking you, at that point, to pray for power,
23:54 pray for determination, pray for commitment,
23:58 and pray for your children.
23:59 That was program number one.
24:00 That was the assignment that we gave you.
24:03 Program number two - What in Their World is Going On?
24:07 That was where we wanted you to be observant; to tune in
24:11 to the radio station or the TV station that your child is...
24:16 Well, that's not very good.
24:18 Your children are like a TV station.
24:20 They're constantly transmitting and
24:22 we need to tune in to what they are transmitting.
24:24 If you didn't tune in to this program today,
24:27 you wouldn't be hearing this.
24:28 The only way you're watching us today
24:30 is because you chose to tune in.
24:31 You children are transmitting all the time, too.
24:34 Just like this program is, whether you tune in or not.
24:37 So, tune it to what your children are transmitting,
24:40 and you'll get to hear it.
24:42 Don't miss it.
24:43 Don't miss what your children are transmitting.
24:45 And they're doing it all the time.
24:47 That was program number two.
24:48 Program number three, we talked about affection
24:51 and our need to be spiritually and physically and emotionally
24:57 affectionate towards our children.
25:00 To play with them, and get down and play Lego's
25:05 or go for a sled ride down the hill.
25:09 Doing some of the things that they enjoy.
25:12 Be affectionate to them.
25:14 Then in program number four
25:16 which we just looked at
25:19 Discovering Their Dreams.
25:21 We want you to find out
25:23 some of the things that your children would like to do.
25:25 Some of those bigger things.
25:26 It doesn't necessarily have to be a bigger thing, though.
25:29 It just has to be something that is intelligent.
25:31 You're looking for something you can do for them
25:34 that will bind their hearts closer to you.
25:37 A thoughtful thing that you can do.
25:39 Might be a small thing; might be a big thing.
25:41 A friend of ours, his dad just brought him home a softball
25:46 from the store and he was delighted with it.
25:49 To this day... He's the same age as me.
25:51 He's an evangelist; goes all over the world preaching.
25:53 To this day, he remembers the day
25:55 that his dad brought a softball home from the store.
25:59 It touched his heart.
26:00 So be looking for those things
26:02 that would encourage your children.
26:03 We're gonna take a short break now
26:06 and we'll be right back in just a few moments.