Happy the Home

Affection

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Paul & Carolyn Rayne (Host), Hannah & Caleb Rayne

Home

Series Code: HTH

Program Code: HTH00003A


00:01 Is your home an enjoyable place,
00:03 is there affection between parents and children,
00:05 or do the sparks fly when you are together.
00:08 Join us today on Happy the Home number 3,
00:11 as we discuss the effects of affection.
00:39 Welcome to Happy the Home,
00:40 we're glad that you are with us
00:41 for another step in our series.
00:45 You know the last program we were
00:47 talking about what in their world is going on
00:50 and we gave you a specific challenge at the
00:52 end of that to investigate your
00:55 children's world to become more observant.
00:58 I hope you did that, I hope also that you
01:01 didn't dive in with two feet, and diving with
01:04 two feet, diving head first in trying to fix
01:08 any problems that you came across.
01:09 And I hope you're still praying for that
01:11 determination and commitment that we
01:13 spoke about in program one.
01:15 You know if you've missed those first two
01:17 programs, I need to explain that we are
01:20 going step by step through a series of
01:23 family and parenting programs here.
01:25 And one program is building on the next,
01:28 so if you miss those last two,
01:30 I'd encourage you to maybe call in to the call
01:33 center get the DVDs so that you can keep upto
01:37 speed with where we are heading.
01:40 Now today's program is the effects of affection,
01:44 and I want to introduce to you again my family.
01:47 We've got Carolyn my dear wife, Hannah,
01:51 how old are you Hannah? I am 14.
01:52 Fourteen and we've got Caleb who is 12,
01:56 we're just about to go into a family worship
02:00 session here just a short time of devotion
02:03 together before the children goes to bed.
02:06 We want you to join us, thank you for inviting
02:09 us into your home. Now children I wanna stay
02:12 in our minds, okay I want to think in our
02:14 minds go back to the creation of the world,
02:18 and God had made the animals, He made the
02:21 sea and everything was beautiful, everything
02:24 was perfect, and then He made Adam and Eve.
02:29 And how do you suppose God was
02:32 feeling at this point? Do you think God has
02:34 feelings, Hannah? Yeah. How do you
02:37 suppose God was feeling at this point?
02:40 I am sure He was excited about what was
02:41 ahead and knowing the risk that was involved in it.
02:45 You are talking about risk that's good,
02:47 what risks you suppose were involved in God
02:51 creating mankind. Well they could have a
02:53 choice to choose to do things that they knew
02:56 were not what He would have them do.
02:58 Of course because the devil up in heaven
03:01 there, they had already been warned,
03:03 Satan have been thrown out, and he was now
03:05 going up and down on the earth.
03:06 So there was a possibility that Adam
03:08 and Eve could choose to be disloyal to their
03:12 maker and be loyal to the enemy.
03:15 So but I think God was excited at the
03:17 possibilities but what happened Caleb?
03:21 What happened did Adam and Eve stay
03:23 loyal and true to God? No. They chose to
03:29 disobey in just a small thing, but do you think
03:33 Carolyn that Adam and Eve realize the
03:36 seriousness of the sin that they just committed.
03:40 All they did was kind of took that fruit of the
03:43 serpent and ate a bit; I mean did they realize
03:46 the seriousness of it? No, not in at least.
03:50 What couldn't they see? They couldn't see the
03:53 big picture of where this is gonna take the
03:55 world that they have just been created in.
03:57 I mean all they had I guess was a perfect world.
04:00 They had never seen anything, they.
04:02 Well they didn't know what death was and it
04:04 wasn't until the first leaves fell, and wasn't
04:06 until they were given clothing out of sheep skin.
04:10 Right. That they began to understand what
04:11 death was about. They certainly didn't
04:13 see the Vietnam. They certainly didn't see
04:19 people dying in the trenches in World War
04:22 1 and World War 2 and airplane screaming
04:25 bombs down on people. They didn't see any of
04:28 that but did God see that Caleb?
04:31 Do you think God saw the future?
04:32 Can God see the future? Yes, as easy as the past.
04:35 As easy as the past, so we know we're told
04:39 in Genesis, in fact I'll read it here Genesis
04:43 chapter 3 verses 8 and 9. It says and they
04:48 heard, now this is after they had sinned Adam
04:50 and Eve in the Garden of Eden.
04:51 It says and they heard the sound of the Lord
04:54 God walking in the garden in the cool of
04:57 the day, and often times people think yeah that's
04:59 like the evening time, like this time of day.
05:03 And Adam and his wife hid themselves from the
05:06 presence of Lord among the trees of the garden.
05:09 Caleb why do you suppose Adam and Eve were
05:12 hiding? Because they didn't want to see God,
05:14 and they went hiding. Why didn't they want to
05:16 see God, God was their friend? They had sinned,
05:18 they were naked. Alright so they, do you ever
05:22 feel like hiding when you are doing things wrong?
05:26 Sometimes. I think we all do, I mean if we
05:29 parents, if we know that we are doing something
05:33 wrong it's kind of. We wanna make sure that
05:37 nobody is watching and that was where Adam
05:40 and Eve were, but his God walking into this
05:42 situation. Does God know that Adam and Eve
05:45 have sinned? He does, He knows that and He sees
05:49 World War 1 and He sees World War 2, He sees
05:52 Vietnam, He sees airplane screaming and dropping
05:54 bombs. And now He's gonna woke up to Adam
05:57 and Eve the people who He has blessed with all
06:01 the blessings and He is gonna talk to them. Now
06:05 parents I am gonna role model to you, what God
06:10 did not do, but what so often we do. I don't
06:16 want you to think that God would ever do this,
06:18 but I just want to make it practical and real.
06:20 So God is walking up to Adam and Eve and they
06:24 are hiding and they have caused, they started
06:28 sin on planet earth. So this is what could have
06:31 happened, it's not what happened, I'll tell you
06:33 what happened in a minute. This what could
06:34 have happened, you guys, you better come out of
06:38 those bushes right now, because by the time I
06:40 count to three, if you are not by my side,
06:43 you're gonna get a whipping you'll never
06:45 forget. God didn't do that, I am glad God
06:50 didn't do that. You know or God could have said,
06:53 you have blown it this time, you have no idea
06:57 what is gonna happen because of your
06:59 thoughtlessness, get out here. Now parents
07:04 I am pretty good at that, and probably you are
07:09 pretty good at that as well because that is how
07:11 we tend to handle situations when our
07:14 children have done something that they know
07:17 they shouldn't have done. But let's go
07:19 back to the scriptures, let's go back to Genesis
07:21 chapter 3 and verse 9 and see what God did.
07:25 I mean walking into probably one of the
07:27 worst situations there was. It says then the
07:30 Lord God called to Adam and said unto him where
07:34 are you? Where are you? Do you hear God's
07:40 tenderness in that? Do you hear the affection;
07:43 do you hear the call to repentance? It was
07:47 a pretty kind approach considering the
07:49 situation, don't you think? Well that's all
07:53 what I wanted to share with us, and mommy and
07:55 daddy are gonna talk about this a little bit
07:57 after you have gone to bed. Caleb would you
07:59 lead us in a short prayer now, and then you guys
08:02 can head off to bed.
08:10 Dear heavenly Father, thank for the worship
08:13 that we had and please help us to have a good
08:16 night rest now, and for the parents to have a
08:19 good discussion and for us to get up and refresh
08:23 in the morning in Jesus name amen. Amen. Okay,
08:27 well sleep good. Love you buddy. Love you
08:30 sweetie pie, don't miss my hug. Sleep good now.
08:38 Hugs are important, don't you think? Yeah,
08:40 you know let me guess something that what you
08:42 were sharing that really reminds me of something.
08:45 I read in my quite time just recently, it's
08:49 right here in Child Guidance it says: Be not
08:51 hasty and agitated and approach your children
08:54 with censure, such a course would only cause
08:58 rebellion in them. That's quiet a thought
09:00 isn't it? I mean we've been there and done
09:03 that haven't we? Too many times and I suppose
09:05 that's when we wonder you know where does,
09:08 where does that kind of behavior come from
09:11 in our children is because of our lack of
09:14 self control. I mean in that situation in
09:16 worship God had self control and tenderness,
09:20 but so often we just, you and I'm talking about.
09:23 We are just blundering with two feet
09:24 and try and fix it, but that's not. Even when
09:27 we know we shouldn't, somehow I know in the
09:29 moment it seems like it just comes out, doesn't
09:34 it? Yeah. And then you back track and think
09:35 I didn't wanna say that and I have said it
09:37 again. You know in one of the later programs,
09:39 I know we're gonna be talking about me,
09:42 myself and I, that's much later on in the step by
09:45 step process. I wish we could have it here
09:47 because it would really help, but you know
09:49 it reminds me what you were reading there
09:51 and what we were reading in worship. Reminds
09:53 me of Ephesians 4:32 it says and be ye kind one
09:57 to another tender hearted, forgiving one
10:00 another even as Christ forgave you. And you
10:05 know Carolyn and I as we have been raising
10:08 our little rascals there, we have realized for
10:12 many years when they were younger. I remember
10:15 you and I talking what is it that we are missing
10:18 in the raising of these children. I mean we tell
10:22 them all the things to do, and it's you know
10:24 if they do wrong, we take care of that, and
10:27 we try to give some encouragement
10:29 where we can, and we realized after what seem
10:32 like years of asking that same question, we
10:34 were missing, remember what it was? Sunshine at
10:38 home, and that's what we call the atmosphere that
10:42 we can set at home. And we realize this we
10:44 started looking at this around different
10:46 atmospheres. The first atmosphere we can have
10:48 at home is a cloudy home and cloudy homes are
10:51 very common. Your home, our home is cloudy
10:55 more often than we realize. You know give
10:57 us an example Carolyn of a cloudy home. Well,
11:02 one cloudy illustration we could give you many,
11:04 it's just that you know, we want to think about
11:06 the weather here, we didn't want to
11:07 necessarily say that but as it is outside
11:10 as how it can be any atmosphere inside, and
11:13 you know an example would be several years ago
11:16 when the children were quiet a bit smaller they
11:17 were maybe I don't know six and eight, maybe
11:21 even a bit younger but they were really
11:23 interested in the kitchen. They loved;
11:24 your children that ways especially your young
11:26 ones, they want to be involved. Well boys,
11:28 boys are especially interested. Oh no, no
11:30 girls too but they want to be involved in the
11:32 kitchen, the things going on in the kitchen,
11:34 and is that what you want moms? It takes more
11:39 than twice as long to get anything done, when your
11:41 little children trying to help you in the kitchen,
11:43 but I knew that I needed to have them in there,
11:46 but so often I would get in there the last
11:48 minute, I have to get the meal done really
11:49 fast for whatever reason, and find that they
11:53 were not really getting in my way. And so
11:55 a close contention in the family and neither
11:58 should be this, sort of trying to have them be
12:00 there, but I couldn't handle them being there,
12:02 and it really cause clouds in the
12:04 home made it a miserable time. So a cloudy
12:07 home isn't necessarily where there is bunch
12:09 of shouting or it's just. No it's just. It's
12:10 just irritation. An undercover of just
12:13 frustration and irritation negatives
12:15 words being spoken and you know the solution
12:18 was quiet simple. Take the time to go in
12:21 the kitchen earlier and give enough time for
12:24 the children to be involved, if we
12:25 involve our children at a young age in the
12:28 kitchen and they see this as a positive and
12:30 encouraging experience as they get older,
12:33 they're gonna wanna be there. And we gonna
12:35 show later on how that really helped me
12:38 actually in later years from encouraging my
12:41 children from a young age, but I had to work
12:43 with this kind of old self in here about just
12:46 the frustration. So give more time often more
12:49 time given for something, tends to cut out
12:52 50 percent of the agitation right there.
12:55 What happens after a cloudy, in the weather
12:58 after we've had clouds it's probably because
13:00 of the storm coming. Right and the clouds
13:02 out there start to get black and they thicken
13:04 and you know, we all know what's coming down,
13:07 when there is black clouds outside before
13:10 long it's gonna a storm and then storm thunder
13:12 bangs and lightning flashes, you know
13:15 is it like that in your home? The storms
13:19 brew and the attitudes and the atmosphere
13:21 kind of gets inclement, and you know something
13:23 is gonna happen and then people start using loud
13:25 words and clashing with each other is kind of
13:28 very similar isn't it? You know as we travel
13:31 and we speak to lot's of families often times
13:33 we get families who almost feel like they
13:36 need to confess to us. They don't of course
13:38 but they need to confess to us there,
13:41 the mishaps in parenting and often times they
13:44 say that you know they have yelled at the
13:45 children and they feel terrible. You know
13:47 viewers I want to, I want to encourage you
13:50 every parent as yelled at their children, I know
13:53 you have, I know we have and everybody has.
13:55 Now I am not saying its okay, but its okay that
13:57 you know that everybody does that. And so
14:02 you know, I've yelled at my children and it's
14:05 out of irritation and they are just not doing
14:07 what they should be doing. And I remember
14:10 one time I lost my cool, verbally with Hannah
14:15 and she started crying, and I thought it really
14:19 woke me up, I thought oh man I am suppose to be
14:21 raising these children for God, and now I'm
14:23 shouting at her and she is crying, that's kind
14:26 of like the rain. That's like the rainy home.
14:28 So we got the cloudy home, we got the stormy
14:30 home, we got a rainy home but we wanna
14:31 talk about some sunshine. I want to just add
14:33 one more thing to the rainy home, and that is
14:35 we have seen our children crying. You know
14:37 children cry for all kinds of reason, and
14:39 often it can just be pure selfishness, I didn't
14:42 get my own way, so I am gonna throw a fit,
14:44 and I have to hear the worst of it, but when
14:46 those are tears of wounded hearts often
14:50 there are tears on the inside of the parent's
14:53 heart in that situation, and it's not just the
14:55 external tears often we parents don't show
14:57 those, but I know from my own experience that
15:01 we are crying on the inside. Yeah we got.
15:03 We know it shouldn't be like this. And we got all
15:05 the guilt to deal with and all of that, but
15:07 you know. Let's go to a sunny home I wish we
15:10 rather talk about a sunny home. Absolutely.
15:12 And once we figured out that it's the atmosphere
15:17 in the home that's all important. You know,
15:19 if you grow a crop, a green house, you got to
15:23 have the atmosphere in the green house,
15:25 it's got to be warm, and it's got to be this,
15:26 and it's got to be that, and then the plants
15:28 grow. It's the same in a home, it's got to be
15:31 the right atmosphere at home for the kids to
15:33 grow spiritually and. So we got to have positive
15:37 interactions, and encouragement and
15:40 affection, and common courtesy, you know,
15:43 often times we laugh about this in the family
15:45 we're just been real with you. You know,
15:48 often times once maybe, maybe I'll say to
15:50 Paul oh I made you some cookies your favorite
15:53 ones and he'll say. Oh good, yeah it's good but
15:57 it's not really the expression of
15:59 appreciation that we need. Thank you is
16:01 a nicer thing to say than good but you know
16:04 those common, I am not picking on you.
16:06 It's sunrise too. We got to use that, there is
16:08 common courtesies can so easily be missed,
16:11 but they are just a little thing. And
16:12 sympathies for the children I mean it's
16:15 hard I think, and you and I've talked about this,
16:18 it's hard for children in this day and age.
16:19 We need to be sympathetic to their little trials,
16:23 I mean I remember when it wasn't so long
16:26 ago we were over in the Hawaiian Islands
16:29 giving some meetings and Hannah had just,
16:32 it's a long story I won't go into it. But we,
16:35 she has just got herself an iPod an iPod touch
16:39 and she was trying to be careful with it because
16:42 we told her it cost a lot of money but she was on
16:46 her lap and she stood up quickly to go and
16:48 do something and it slid of her lap on to the
16:51 floor, and when she picked it up, I caught
16:54 her eye, her and I got eye contact and the
16:58 question in our eyes was oh no it fell face down
17:02 on to the concrete floor, those things are so
17:03 fragile, and she picked it up and it was just
17:07 the white screen, they called that the white
17:09 screen of death. And we saw her; we saw
17:12 the expression on her face. It just changed
17:14 and then she was fighting back the tears,
17:17 and she was doing a good job and I thought
17:19 instantly, this is a big thing for her, its like
17:22 when I turn my laptop on and it just dies
17:25 I mean that's a big thing. So I went
17:27 over to her and put my arm around her and
17:29 says its okay sweetie, we'll think of
17:31 something else, anyway we won't take you
17:33 through the whole story but she did well. But
17:35 we've got to be sympathetic to our
17:37 children; we got to play with our children.
17:39 I remember another time I've been down in my
17:42 office and Caleb had come to me as he often does,
17:46 and says daddy you're gonna play with me, and
17:48 I say okay, so I go outside and it
17:51 was winter time, we live in Montana, there
17:53 was a bunch of snow, and so I just got the snow
17:55 shovel there and started making this little track
17:57 in the bank. So they could go down there on
18:00 their sleds and it took me you know 15,
18:03 20 minutes of digging but I made this kind
18:05 of luge run for them to go down. And they
18:08 played in that for hours, it just takes
18:11 a little bit of time from mom and dad to create
18:14 a positive atmosphere in the family. And you know
18:18 we are so used to the opposite of that. We are
18:20 so accustomed to the negative that we don't
18:23 even know its happening and you know I
18:25 portray this way that you can kind of get locked
18:27 into this negative spiral and you're just going
18:30 down and down, and you know it seems
18:32 that every interaction just builds off the last
18:34 one, and you just can't get out, and if
18:36 you've been there before, I've been there many
18:38 times, and it's taken being on my knees saying
18:42 Lord please help me to break out of this to see
18:45 what's happening, and you know. I've found
18:47 that when you start choosing to rise above
18:51 the naturally negative things that wanna come
18:53 out, and you start saying those positive things.
18:56 Then when a negative thing does slip out its
18:59 like ooh where did that come from. It seems out
19:01 of the ordinary because the ordinary is being
19:04 this for so long. Right. So I want to encourage
19:06 you if you find this often one of these
19:08 every day don't be discouraged, you can
19:11 by God's grace get out of it, it's possible.
19:14 And that is the point of today's program. We are
19:17 looking at the effects of affection; we want to
19:20 encourage you as parents. This is the next step
19:23 in our series of steps, yesterday we, not
19:25 yesterday but in the last program we were
19:29 investigating there, well today we are challenging
19:32 you to be more affectionate with your
19:35 children. Create a sweet atmosphere, just
19:38 put your hand on the shoulder and say sweetie
19:42 I like you, and what I like to do to Hannah
19:45 and she has got passed that now but when
19:47 she was little I liked to ruffle her hair. I
19:50 would go pull her pony tail or you know just
19:53 something like that. You know Caleb and I've had
19:56 a great time, where we live in Montana, we
19:58 get the snow and I am not really very mechanical.
20:01 My son Caleb is much more mechanical, so I
20:04 take him out and we've got to take the mower
20:07 deck off of the tractor, it's just a little
20:09 tractor. We got to take the mower off and we got
20:11 to put the snow blower on the front and it's
20:14 probably a two or three hours job and it's a
20:17 hard job to do on your own. So the first time I
20:20 did that with Caleb. It was like he was just
20:22 bugging me, I mean Caleb get me the
20:25 twelve inch, the 12 millimeter wrench.
20:28 And he'd say daddy I don't know which one it
20:29 is and I said Caleb can't you figure out the
20:32 simplest of things. And you know we would work
20:35 together, Caleb pass me the hammer, where is it?
20:37 I don't know where it is just pass it to me, this
20:39 thing is heavy as I was holding up another
20:40 part of the snow blower. And afterwards
20:43 that Lord spoke to me and said Paul, that's
20:45 isn't gonna do any good. And so that it
20:48 was six months later when we had to take
20:50 the snow blower off and put the mower deck back
20:52 on. And I thought this time it's gonna be a
20:55 sunny experience with my son, and so I determine
20:59 before hand, and I got Caleb involved and
21:02 set some of his things that he suggested
21:04 were good ideas and they were and you know
21:06 he just blossomed. We had a great time together
21:09 and ever since whenever we work on the
21:11 tractor it's a very enjoyable time.
21:14 You know, I know it's really great you guys
21:16 working together Caleb is really getting an
21:17 education too. You know, for the viewers at home,
21:21 I know what can happen after program like this.
21:23 As soon as the TV is turned off you start
21:26 interactions and somebody says something
21:28 negative now, and instantly it's like well
21:30 I just watch this program. I mean what's
21:31 the deal here; forgiveness is
21:34 a really big part of what we're talking about
21:36 today. Forgiveness within parents, to
21:40 parents forgiveness from parents to children,
21:42 because you know children generally
21:44 are very forgiving and they forget. And we
21:46 need to be more like children and you know
21:49 that reminds me. Alright once you get in that
21:52 can I just interrupt you, are you saying that
21:54 parents need to if they have wrong their
21:57 children to ask their children to forgive
21:59 them? Is that what you say? Yes, definitely.
22:01 I feel that's what you mean. Just makes me
22:02 feel, you know my favorite poems back
22:03 in this book, it's called the Little Things. I
22:07 wanna share this with you at home as the viewers
22:09 at home the Little Things. I ran into a
22:13 stranger as he passed by, Oh, excuse me please
22:16 was my reply. He said, please excuse me too;
22:20 I wasn't watching for you. We were
22:22 very positive to stranger and I we went on our
22:26 way and we said good bye. But at home a different
22:29 story is told, how we treat our loved ones
22:32 young and old. Later that day cooking the evening
22:37 meal, my son stood beside me very still. When
22:40 I turned I nearly knocked him down move out
22:42 of the way I said with a frown. He walked
22:45 away his little heart broken, I didn't realize
22:49 how harshly I had spoken. Well I lay awake in bed
22:52 God's stills small voice came to me and said
22:56 while dealing with a stranger common courtesy
22:59 you use but the children you love you seem to
23:02 abuse. Go and look on the kitchen floor, you'll
23:07 find some flowers there by the door. Those are
23:10 the flowers he brought for you. He picked
23:12 them himself pink, yellow and blue. He stood
23:16 very quietly not to spoil the surprise.
23:19 You never saw the tears that filled his little
23:21 eyes. By this time I felt very small and now my
23:27 tears began to fall. I quietly went and knelt
23:31 by his bed wake up, wake up son, wake up I said.
23:35 Are these the flowers you picked for me? He
23:38 smiled; I found them out by the tree. I
23:41 picked them because they are pretty like you, I
23:44 knew you would like them especially the blue.
23:46 I said son I am very sorry for the way I
23:49 acted today, I shouldn't have yelled at you that
23:52 way. He said oh mom that's okay, I love
23:56 you anyway. I said son I love you too and I do
24:00 like the flowers especially the blue.
24:05 It's pretty hard to read even though I read it
24:08 many times before, and it may be doing for
24:12 you what it did for me the first time I read
24:14 it probably six, seven years ago and my son
24:16 was very much smaller then brought tears
24:18 to my eyes. Friends we have been there haven't
24:20 we? We've broken the hearts of our children
24:23 our own hearts have broken in the process,
24:26 but forgiveness there is forgiveness with
24:28 the Lord. For a one another and for us and
24:32 our children. It's hard sometimes to comprehend
24:39 what we do to the internal feelings of our
24:43 children when we do not show them the affection
24:47 and the kindness, and the tenderness, and
24:49 the forgiveness that we are suppose to be
24:52 demonstrating to them as their mom and dad.
24:55 So viewers if you have found yourself some
24:58 where in that poem, some where in this program,
25:01 we want to encourage you that now is the time
25:06 to pick up and be more affectionate, either
25:09 physically affectionate with hugs or ruffling
25:12 the hair, you know what ever, or going outside
25:16 and playing with the children for a little
25:17 while but we wanna encourage you as
25:19 parents. You need to be affectionate, we Paul
25:24 and Carolyn need to be affectionate
25:26 to our children. Why don't you join us after
25:28 the break and we're gonna go very
25:30 specifically into our step forward challenge.


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Revised 2014-12-17