Participants: Pr. John Lomacang (Host), Pr. John Stanton
Series Code: HCL
Program Code: HCL090011
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00:01 Hello friends, grab your Bible and a friend
00:03 and sit back as we explore God's word 00:05 together on this edition of House Calls. 00:23 Welcome to another House Calls program, 00:25 I'm so glad that you've chose into tune in 00:27 where John and John get together and we walk 00:30 through the word of God on one of the greatest 00:32 journeys that man can ever take. 00:34 So thank you, sit back and enjoy and I'm not 00:37 here by myself, I have my good friend John. 00:39 How are you doing John? It's good to be here John 00:40 once again another program. You know, 00:43 it's a, what's amazing is that we are going on 00:46 over five years in House Calls. Wow! 00:47 It's amazing. I couldn't think of that, 00:49 but that's doesn't. You are on 6 almost, 00:51 so it is amazing. That's the blessing of the Lord. 00:53 Praise the Lord; He has done a lot of things 00:54 through this, this, this program. That's right, 00:56 and today is no exception we have a very 00:59 exciting topic about relationships, married, 01:02 single into personal, but we don't do anything 01:04 without going into God in prayer first, 01:06 so John would you have prayer for us? 01:07 Let's do that. Dear Father in heaven, 01:09 you've been so gracious to us and blessed us 01:11 so much throughout many years on this program 01:14 and Lord, we ask again that you would send your 01:17 Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us, to open our 01:20 hearts to receive that which you want to impart 01:22 here today not only to us who are teaching, 01:25 but those who are listening, who are 01:27 following, along with us? Father, we look forward 01:29 to that incredible blessing that you always 01:31 give in Jesus name, amen. Amen, well friends 01:35 as you know, this program is not complete without 01:37 your Bible questions and we wanna just say thank 01:41 you for being so faithful and sending questions. 01:44 There are some of you that send questions 01:45 every week and there are some of you that 01:48 are just sending them by snail mail still 01:50 to the P.O Box 220, we appreciate that also, 01:54 but if you have any Bible questions that you like 01:55 us to answer or even ask that others maybe 01:58 thinking of here is the information send those to 02:00 housecalls@3ABN.org, that's housecalls@3ABN.org 02:06 and we will do our best by trying to answer them 02:09 from the word of God. And we have some today, 02:12 I think John what do you have for us house call? 02:14 Well, I've got several good questions; 02:15 in fact we have one that's on point with our topic, 02:18 okay, what we are talking about today here. 02:19 I won't get to that one yet that will be next. 02:21 Yeah, let that be the same way. 02:22 Yeah, but this one here is a question 02:25 that has been asked several times, 02:26 I don't think we've ever really answered it. 02:28 Okay. So, I'm gonna go ahead and share here 02:30 with you 'cause many have this, this question. 02:33 And it says, hi John and John, was it a sin or 02:38 was a sin that cannot be forgiven it's kind of 02:43 broken English here, so I am trying to translate, 02:45 that after suicide obviously we can't ask for 02:49 forgiveness and can't confess. 02:51 So, is suicide being a sin, does it take away 02:55 eternal life? Is essential the question and good 02:59 question, I mean really it is because many have 03:01 asked that and wanted that and you know, 03:03 first of all before we get into the gist of this 03:07 question and how to answer it is really the, 03:10 the way it's answered is more on things that 03:13 we need to ask ourselves and questions 03:15 we need to consider because we don't know, 03:16 we don't see as God sees, that's right, 03:18 we don't see as God sees, and that's important 03:22 for us to remember, but there are some basic 03:24 principles I believe that the Bible does teach 03:26 on this. First of all, there is nowhere 03:30 anywhere in Scripture that God would endorse 03:32 suicide as an early way out of this life. 03:35 Right. He is a God of life, He does not want 03:37 us to commit suicide, to end our life early 03:39 to take our life into our own hands and 03:42 somehow get out of this or escape the sinful 03:44 world to get to the next life. 03:47 So, there is no endorsement of that 03:48 whatsoever, but I would ask you to consider 03:52 several things when talking about suicide 03:55 and these are just some general questions here 03:56 that I'll throw out to you to consider. 04:00 First of all, confession follows conviction of sin, 04:04 right? Okay. I mean you got to be convicted of sin 04:07 sin before you can confess a sin. 04:08 What is someone isn't convicted of suicide 04:11 being a sin, just something he considered? 04:14 Okay, what if suicide is a result of a severe 04:19 mental issue, that's beyond just someone's 04:21 cognitive ability to process what 04:23 they're doing. Okay. Okay, and let's transition 04:27 over into another topic are the mentally 04:29 handicapped, how do we judge them? 04:31 You know, the Bible doesn't talk a lot about 04:33 the mentally handicapped although we see 04:35 some examples in there of some who did suffer 04:37 from that, but we don't know what someone's 04:41 condition is as far as their ability to process, 04:45 to understand the love of God to follow God 04:47 in a way that maybe we do. 04:49 So, these are things we, we can only consider, 04:52 but we have to be aware of that we don't 04:54 really know and understand to the fullest 04:56 and as God knows and understands. 04:58 Right, the sovereignty of God is beyond 05:00 human understanding. It's beyond, it is, 05:02 it's beyond human understanding the way of 05:03 putting it. There is a verse I'd like to 05:05 bring up, it's not a verse that I would say I am, 05:08 I am launching a doctrine into it all, but just 05:10 some other things to consider. 05:12 Second Samuel 12, 13 and 14, I want you to take a 05:16 look at, this is David who became convicted of 05:20 a sin of lying with Bathsheba and as you know, 05:25 Nathan the prophet came to him and approached 05:28 him with a story of a man who took a sheep 05:31 from someone who had only one, when he had a 05:33 multitude of them and sacrificed that sheep. 05:35 Of course, we know the David was just livid at 05:38 someone doing this. That's true. And the Nathan 05:41 said of course that this is you oh! 05:43 King who has done this great thing, 05:45 this great sin. And so, we pick it up here in 05:47 verse 13 and it says David said to Nathan 05:50 after hearing this. I have sinned against the Lord; 05:53 now look at Nathan's response here. 05:55 Nathan said to David, the Lord has put away 05:57 your sin and you shall not die. He's easing his 06:00 concern, but the issue here is that David hasn't 06:03 really even had a chance to confess. 06:06 He's convicted, but there is no actual verbal 06:10 confession yet, He is recognized his sin. 06:13 And Nathan's reply is, the Lord has put away 06:16 your sin. Now, the reason I bring up this verse 06:20 John is because some may have this idea 06:23 that as they've accept to the Lord as their 06:26 Savior as the atoning sacrifice for their sin 06:29 and they plead God's blood in their behalf everyday. 06:33 Because you know, we as sinful human beings 06:34 we don't really understand the extent of 06:36 our sin really. And you know, we are completely 06:41 deprived and incapable really of doing anything 06:44 righteous of our own. Knowing that the Lord 06:49 does go through a process of convicting us 06:51 of sin and we go through a process of confessing 06:54 that sin, repenting of that sin. But some view 06:58 that when something they do, a little something 07:04 anger, maybe the God angry at someone or, 07:06 or maybe they spoke harshly against their 07:08 spouse or something like that happens. 07:09 Many have this view that I am lost. 07:13 Oh! And then I am saved when I confess 07:14 and I am lost, I am saved, I am lost, 07:16 I am saved, I am lost. This is back and forth 07:18 without any really surety or security and the 07:23 atoning sacrifice of Christ ongoing interceding 07:26 and their behalf as they go throughout their 07:28 day and their life of living. Even says, 07:30 why it talks about the life we live is being a 07:33 trend of the acts. Right. The intentions of the 07:37 heart or the desire to do good. 07:39 Yes, we will make mistakes, yes we will have 07:41 our issues and struggles, but that doesn't mean 07:43 we're lost one minute and then we're saved the next, 07:46 every time something like that happens. 07:47 Okay, so I bring that up just to show you some 07:52 more things to consider and the context of suicide. 07:57 We don't know where that person is? 08:00 We don't understand their mental capacity, 08:02 we don't understand their state, 08:04 we don't understand the oppression that 08:06 the enemy has had upon them, we don't know 08:08 those things though at the same time I want 08:11 you to let you know I am not ever endorsing 08:13 by any means that anyone would ever 08:16 contemplate the thought of suicide. Right. 08:18 Because to a great degree, if you're doing 08:21 that as an early way out that is not the 08:24 Lord's will and you don't want to operate 08:27 outside of the Lord's will. That's right. 08:29 So, this is a touchy sensitive issue that 08:31 I just wanna throw some of those things out 08:33 because these are things we do need to 08:34 consider rather than having a hardened 08:37 fast world with everyone that well, 08:39 if you commit suicide you're lost. Okay. 08:41 So, anyway and lay on that, I think you have 08:43 couple of things you want to say. 08:44 Yeah, it's a, it's a topic that people bring up 08:47 from time-to-time and you know the great 08:49 concern I have is couple of things. 08:53 One whether or not they are the ones 08:55 committing suicide or secondly or if they know 08:58 of one who has committed suicide. 09:00 Sometimes they ask that question to wonder 09:02 to try to get an answer to what happened to them. 09:05 They were a good Christian to this point 09:07 and they just commit suicide or they lost, 09:09 then I'm going to have to spend eternity 09:11 without them. And so, those are some of the 09:13 sensitive parts of it. The second part as I 09:15 mention first was I maybe in a difficult 09:18 situation and I wanna get out of it. 09:20 Well, I've really had enough of life and if I 09:22 killed myself is God going to hold that against me? 09:25 Well, I think that uneven contemplating I could 09:28 refer to some of that as pre-meditation. 09:30 And so, when the Bible says Thou shall not kill 09:33 that include yourself. And here's the way 09:36 I like to, this is the Scripture I'd like to add 09:38 to that James 4 and verse 17. 09:41 It says: Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, 09:45 and does not do it to him it is sin. 09:48 So, this comes back to the cognitive, 09:49 cognitive level of do I know that this is wrong 09:54 and, and knowing that this is wrong do I do it 09:57 and just hope that God will go ahead and 10:00 forgive me out of it. Right. After I can't. 10:02 Which is presumption? Which is presumption, 10:04 right. The sin of omission, the sin of commission, 10:07 presumption is a great word to use and so, 10:11 what we're saying here today is because 10:13 the Bible doesn't give us a classic example, 10:16 so many people use Samson. Yeah. 10:19 Don't use Samson as an example because once 10:21 again we talked about the sovereignty of God 10:23 you cannot figure out God's plan. 10:26 You do not know and God had raised up Samson 10:28 to be a great deliver of Israel. 10:31 And the Bible said, well he defeated more 10:34 in his death than he did in his life. 10:37 So, to some degree the plan of God that 10:40 could have been more greatly accomplished 10:42 in his life, but still the Lord had brought down 10:45 the Palestine's and their kingdom is that 10:48 particular story through the life of Samson. 10:51 So, let's not use Samson as the escape code 10:52 to say well, we could do the same thing and, 10:54 and kill ourselves and be saved because 10:57 he has talked about us one of the faithful 10:59 in the Book of Hebrew, so we must assume 11:01 that he is not a lost man. Right. 11:03 But I'll just, if I used to say, if you know to 11:06 do good and don't do it to you it is sin 11:09 that's what the Bible says? But it's a 11:12 sensitive topic. It is and that's why 11:14 I don't approach it with a hardened fast 11:16 yes to no for, for any of that but, 11:18 but all things that we can consider 11:21 with that question. I need to consider 11:23 to be sensitive toward those who are going 11:25 through that battle or have had loved ones 11:27 who had gone. I know of some people that have 11:30 faced excruciating pain in their lives 11:33 and some people think back to the, you know 11:35 Dr. Jack Kevorkian who, who almost as it were, 11:40 were not almost supported patients who 11:43 couldn't take it any longer and then he killed 11:45 themselves Youthanasia. Right and so, 11:49 we're not supporting any of that, 11:51 but the sovereignty of God is greater than 11:53 the understanding of man. Yeah. 11:54 Here's another question from the person 11:55 name Terry, they have a question about 11:59 Revelation chapter 20 and verse 10. 12:03 Somebody wants it well, you know you always 12:05 read Revelation 20 verse 7 to 9 and you stop 12:09 short of Revelation 20 verse 10. 12:12 John, when I read that it is, it is, it is, 12:19 it requires spiritual insight to not take into 12:23 consideration what Revelation 20 verse 9 says. 12:27 Yeah. And just take into consideration of 12:29 Revelation 20 and verse 10 says because 12:31 verse 9 and 10 almost seem to be at odds 12:34 with each other when you read the 12:35 ending of both verses and here it is. 12:38 It says speaking of the, of the 2nd resurrection. 12:44 They went up and I am reading from the 12:45 New King James Version. They went up on the 12:47 breadth of the earth and surrounded the 12:50 camp of the saints and the beloved city. 12:52 And fire came down from God out of heaven 12:55 and do what? Devoured them. Devoured them, 12:59 okay now I want you to know as the word 13:01 devoured there is a final word, but they said 13:04 okay well, I know what that says, 13:05 but what about verse 10? Let's look at that. 13:08 And the devil, who deceived them was cast 13:11 into the lake of fire and brimstone where the 13:14 beast and the false prophet are. 13:16 And they will be tormented day and night 13:18 forever and ever. I always appreciate looking 13:22 at this text 'cause there are number of 13:23 assumptions that come to the surface in this text. 13:26 First of all the word, the phrase devoured 13:29 them is automatically dismissed. Yeah. 13:32 You know, the fire came down from heaven 13:34 and devoured them. In another words. 13:37 So, now let's ignore devoured and go onto 13:38 the forever and ever. Exactly, I rather that 13:40 forever and ever because and that will 13:41 give me room to say that people have eternal life. 13:44 Well, two things, number of things and I just 13:46 stupid, a number of things you have to 13:47 consider is Romans 6 and verse 23. 13:50 See that's the text that people don't often 13:51 look at in the context in which the Bible gives it. 13:55 The wages of sin is death; the gift of God 13:59 is eternal life in or through Christ Jesus 14:02 our Lord depending on the translation 14:04 King James and New King James. 14:06 But the wages of sin is death; the gift of God 14:10 is eternal life. Now, I know you know the 14:15 answer, but I'm gonna ask you that just for 14:16 the classroom setting so that we can get the 14:18 emphasis that I desire. Do the righteous receive 14:23 eternal life? Yes. Do the wicked receive 14:26 eternal life? No. Okay, so eternal life can be a 14:30 gift to the righteous and the wicked. Right. 14:32 So, if you can't live forever well let me be 14:35 more specific, if you are not eternal how can you 14:39 burn eternally? Well, and keep in mind too 14:43 1st Corinthians 15 that only the righteous 14:45 receive immortality. That's right. 14:47 It doesn't say that the wicked receive immortality. 14:49 Right. So, if you don't have immortality 14:51 what happens? You die. Right, or as 14:54 John 315 and John 316 says you perish. Yeah. 14:58 The word Perish is very, very important there. 15:01 So, that that's the first consideration, 15:03 but they say well now how do you get rid of 15:05 forever and ever? Well, let me; 15:08 let me give you another text since that one 15:10 may not be sufficient enough. 15:12 The point I want to emphasize is only the 15:14 righteous have eternal life, only the righteous 15:17 have eternal life. You can't burn eternally 15:20 if you can't live eternally, but then 15:23 somebody is watching the program and haven't 15:25 heard this before I may say aah! 15:26 But you have not addresses the soul 15:29 because somehow I believe the soul 15:32 is eternal. That's the view that's obvious, 15:35 so we must assume somebody is thinking 15:36 that right now. Go with us to 15:38 Matthew chapter 10 and verse 28. Matthew chapter 15:43 and I'm building the foundation here, 15:45 but then we're going to lay it out a very, 15:48 very carefully. This text by the way. 15:49 I know where you are going; 15:51 I know where you are going. You know where I'm 15:52 going John okay. Matthew 10 verse 28 15:56 and the reason why I want to read this text 15:58 is because it's often used to support the 16:03 wrong view. I know. You know, it's often, 16:06 it's once again one of those texts where they 16:09 ignore the beginning. Well, they ignore the end 16:12 and just take the beginning. Why don't you 16:13 read that for us and read that fully so that 16:15 they can get that. In verse 28: 16:17 Do not fear those who killed her body, 16:19 but cannot kill the soul. Okay let's pause 16:22 right there. So, so they, the soul, 16:26 those who kill the body can't kill the soul. 16:31 Okay, what's that saying, let's keep going. 16:34 Okay rest of the text. But rather fear Him 16:39 who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. 16:44 Okay, so who is the one that we must fear 16:48 who is able to destroy both body and soul 16:54 in hell. And that would hell is hell fire, 16:57 the lake of fire. So, we already read that text 17:00 that the lake of fire was kindled and destroyed 17:03 them all, right, but here you know this body 17:07 and soul some I know you, this is what you're 17:10 saying is that they're wondering why less them 17:12 separate, they're not separate. Here's why. 17:16 Oh! Yes. Okay you'll go for it. No, no, no 17:19 I appreciate you go ahead. Here's why because 17:22 the body is something that is susceptible now 17:26 when it's mortal state to the first death. 17:29 That's right. And you read, and if you look at 17:30 Revelation 20 there are two deaths, 17:32 first and the second death. 17:34 But the soul is the person. That's right. 17:37 The being, the entire person, whether the body, 17:40 their life, it's spoken of in many context 17:42 throughout the word, but it's always spoken of 17:45 as they saw, in fact when we go out to do 17:47 evangelism work, we often talk about and 17:48 this is throughout denominations, we go out 17:50 to save souls, right? Right. You hear a 17:53 report about a plane crash 243 souls perished. 17:57 Right. Right, so souls are in other reference to 18:01 the person the entire being. So, when this is 18:02 saying can destroy both body and soul in heaven, 18:06 I mean in hell, it saying that that fire that comes 18:09 out of heaven that is kindled will not only 18:11 destroy the body as in the first death context. 18:15 Your body will perish, but your being, 18:18 your entire being forever and ever will die. 18:21 It's gone. There is no more you left. 18:24 That's right. That if you reading in Obadiah you 18:27 read there that the condition at the end of 18:29 the kindling of the lake of fire is that they 18:32 will be as though they had never been. 18:34 That's right. That is because their soul has 18:37 been destroyed by God himself. Right and 18:40 you know there the Bible is not suggesting 18:42 an immortal soul. No. Now that's, that's the other 18:45 assumption that's often added to that text 18:47 that the soul is immortal and the soul therefore, 18:50 but John you made this point very quickly 18:52 and I want to go back to it. You just suggested 18:54 First Corinthians, but go to that text and read it 18:57 because you just made that point between points 18:59 John talked about First Corinthians and only the 19:01 righteous receiving immortality, want you 19:04 to get that. And here's the point the righteous 19:07 receive immortality not when they become 19:10 Christians, but when at the second coming of Christ. 19:14 Now, we received the promise, but we don't 19:16 receive the gift. Right. It doesn't become active 19:19 until the second coming of Christ, 19:20 read that for us. And that gift is the change 19:22 from mortality to immortality and this is 19:25 what Paul is talking about this change that occurs 19:28 in 1st Corinthians 15 beginning with verse 51. 19:31 Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not 19:34 all sleep, that is our bodies won't just rest 19:38 in that first death state, but we shall all be 19:41 changed in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye 19:44 just like that. At the last trumpet, 19:47 for the trumpet will sound and the dead will be 19:49 raised incorruptible and we shall be what? 19:53 Changed, for this corruptible, we must 19:56 put on incorruption and this mortal must put on 20:00 what? Immortality. Immortality. Must. 20:04 Must put on immortality why must it put on 20:07 immortality because that's the only thing that you, 20:09 that you have that would cause you to 20:11 live eternally. Immortality, so when this 20:15 corruptable has put on incorruption and this 20:17 mortal has put on immortality then shall be 20:20 brought to pass the same that is written. 20:23 Death is swallowed up in victory. So, those John 20:26 at that point in the resurrection, 20:29 the last trumpet. Those who have put on 20:31 immortality do not suffer death and those 20:37 that do, or that do not put on immortality. 20:40 Do I say do not initially? Right. Those who do 20:42 put on immortality don't suffer death, 20:44 those who do not put on immortality do suffer 20:47 death and at that point once they die death 20:50 itself has gone. Right, because you made a point 20:54 very good. Even death itself is gonna be 20:57 destroyed. Right. So, there are not gonna be 20:59 people dying after immortality has given to 21:02 righteous and death itself is going to be wiped out. 21:06 Death is not going to be existing any longer, 21:08 but thank you for that John; I want to add a 21:11 few more text here just to make this point 21:13 very clear. Go with us to Psalms 37, 21:17 Psalms chapter 37 and by the way the word 21:20 there hell in Matthew chapter 10 and verse 28 21:23 is the word Gehenna, that lake of fire that 21:26 place of burning not the actual, not, 21:29 not the grave as the word Hades refers to, 21:35 but what did I say Psalms 37, hold on let me go 21:38 there with you to could make sense. 21:40 I was letting you go there. Okay, Psalms 37 21:44 and listen to these verses. Starting with 21:47 verse one, starting with verse one. 21:51 Do not fret, I'm reading in the New King James, 21:55 because of evildoers, nor be envious of the 21:57 workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut 22:01 down like the grass, and wither as the green herb. 22:05 Verse 9: For evildoers shall be cut off: 22:10 but those that wait on the Lord, they shall 22:12 inherit the earth. So, in other words the 22:14 wicked won't be inheriting the earth, which means? 22:17 There won't be any wicked on the new earth. 22:18 Right. Let's go on. For yet verse 10 of Psalms 37. 22:24 For yet a little while and the wicked shall be 22:27 no more; Indeed, you will look carefully or 22:30 diligently for his place, and it shall be no more. 22:35 Why? And here is the explanation of that 22:38 torment talked about in Revelation chapter 20 22:40 verse 10 and the verse 20 now we're looking at 22:45 in Psalms 37. But the wicked shall perish; 22:49 and the enemies of the Lord, like the splendor 22:52 of the meadows, shall vanish. 22:55 Into smoke shall they vanish away. Away. 22:59 Away, they will vanish away into smoke. 23:02 So but, but there is a text here that that 23:05 I want to add for the last two. 23:07 Go to Malachi unless you have another one. 23:10 No. Okay, Malachi chapter 4, so the question is 23:13 what's gonna be the end of the wicked. 23:15 They're gonna into smoke they will vanish away. 23:17 Whenever there is a fire of anything the smoke, 23:20 when the smoke clears what do we have left? 23:22 John chapter, Malachi. Malachi 4:1. Verse 1 and 3. 23:27 For behold, the day is coming, Burning like 23:29 an oven, And all the proud, yes, all who do 23:32 wickedly will be stubble. And the day which is 23:36 coming shall burn them up, Says the Lord of hosts, 23:39 that will leave them neither root nor branch. 23:43 And verse 3. And verse 3, you shall trample 23:45 the wicked, for they shall be ashes under the 23:46 soles of your feet on the day that I do this, 23:49 Says the Lord of hosts. So, the wicked are 23:53 going to be ashes. Yeah. The day that's coming 23:56 shall burn as an oven and all the proud 23:58 and all the wicked shall be stubbled; 24:00 they'll be ashes under the souls of our feet. 24:02 That's usually what happens when a fire is 24:04 out of control and it burns everything 24:06 in it's path. The only thing left is ashes like 24:08 a crematory, only thing left is ashes. 24:11 In the case of the soul and the body though, 24:13 what John the text that we read in 24:15 Matthew 10 verse 28 was simply this. 24:18 A person may die in a fire right now, 24:20 but the Lord can resurrect them. 24:22 Right, 'cause their soul is gone. Right. 24:24 And it's not a separate soul, right, 24:26 it's just them as a person is still their life 24:29 preserved with God. That's right, 24:30 and so in the existence of that person is not 24:33 wiped out, but when the Lord wipes out a person, 24:37 they will never be anymore again. Right. 24:39 That's what Psalms mean they'll never, 24:40 they'll never be a resurrection for them, 24:42 they'll never be a second resurrection that's it. 24:44 That 2nd resurrection has taken place, 24:47 they were among the wicked, 24:48 they were destroyed, wiped out of existence 24:51 and then the thing that capstones this 24:52 whole idea is Ezekiel 28 verse 18 and 19 24:56 because Ezekiel talks about Satan I will be 24:58 like the most high, you know and but here 25:01 it talks about how are you falling from heaven 25:03 O Lucifer son of the morning. 25:05 So, this Bible context which talks about Lucifer 25:09 walking back and forth in the stones in the 25:10 midst of God talks about his end, and here it is. 25:14 Ezekiel 28 verse 18: Thou hast defiled thy 25:17 sanctuaries by the multitude of thine 25:19 iniquities. But notice the middle of the verse: 25:23 Therefore I will bring forth a fire from the 25:26 midst of thee, I'll bring forth a fire from the 25:28 midst of thee it shall devour thee, that Satan 25:33 and I will bring thee to ashes upon the earth 25:36 in the sight of all them that behold thee. 25:38 All they that know thee among the people 25:41 shall be astonished at thee: thou shalt be a 25:44 terror, and never shalt thou be anymore. 25:47 So, Satan is gonna be wiped out. 25:49 So why would his subjects go on being tormented? 25:52 And refer to that never, never shall thou be 25:55 anymore, that's not talking about just his 25:58 body is consumed. That means perish. 26:00 He is gone. As that being that has caused sin. 26:03 You know, one other things too that people 26:05 struggle with Revelation 20 which is where we 26:07 began is the reference here to torment the day 26:11 and night forever and ever. They say, 26:13 well there is, there you go. There is an eternal 26:15 torment there it goes on-and-on. Keep in mind 26:20 here that the language in which this is written, 26:24 Greek, Aramaic language is the same way; 26:27 you go back even to the Hebrew language of 26:29 the Old Testament. Similar way they are much more. 26:34 A broader. Well, I'm trying to tell you how 26:37 they're broader. The word used to describe 26:40 the subject that you're talking about are 26:43 used much more in a, it's a, it's a language 26:47 connecting to that subject. 26:50 In other words if you're talking about someone 26:53 who is mortal and you're describing them as 26:56 forever and ever. You're speaking of that which 26:58 is mortal, so forever and ever for something that 27:01 is mortal is until it's gone. Okay, I got you. 27:04 If you're speaking in the forever and ever 27:06 context with God what is forever mean with God? 27:10 It means. Eternally. Like never stops going on 27:13 because he is immortal. No beginning, no end. 27:16 No beginning, no end, but when you're speaking 27:18 about the mortal which you are speaking about 27:19 with regard to the wicked here forever 27:21 and ever is, it will not stop burning until 27:24 they are gone. Good point. So, for them 27:29 this is descriptive of the wicked that the fire 27:31 will not go out until it is done it's work 27:34 and they are gone. Okay, so be careful 27:38 when you just simply taken English word 27:40 and pull it out this is simply a translation from 27:42 the old word of the Greek and make it up 27:44 to be just what the English word is saying 27:46 because the other old language is much more 27:49 descriptive of the subject it's referring to. 27:52 Very good, and you know the, the great 27:54 illustration John and the text that that 27:56 describes that and brings that home is in 27:58 Jude verse 7, when it says that Sodom and Gomorrha 28:02 suffered the vengeance of eternal fire. 28:05 Or some reference, or some Scriptures say, 28:07 everlasting fire. Right and so, Sodom and Gomorrha 28:10 is not burning today, but that that fire 28:12 was eternal until everybody in 28:14 Sodom and Gomorrha were consume. 28:16 And the Bible makes it very clear 28:18 Sodom and Gomorrha was destroyed that the 28:21 reference there in Genesis. And keep in mind 28:22 to unquenchable doesn't mean it never 28:25 can go out, it means that you can't put it out. 28:27 Right until it's accomplishes. Alright, so. 28:30 But, but can God put it out? Yes, when it's done, 28:33 it's done. Absolutely. Wow! You know, 28:36 let me read my question because it's the segued. 28:38 That's right. Alright, this is a question that 28:41 we receive with regard to Christian relationships 28:45 and we've been talking about in our topic 28:47 here over the last couple of programs the 28:50 relationships God's way, how God would have 28:53 us have relationships whether it would be 28:55 in the context of our family or friends or 28:57 marriage with our spouse, lots of things, 29:01 but anyway there is a couple relationships 29:04 that this person is having and we can kind of 29:07 answer this briefly, but then I think get 29:09 into our topic. Okay. Is our topic will 29:11 answer some of these questions anyway; 29:13 I have a friend who is a Christian. 29:15 We talk often on Biblical perspectives however 29:17 I increasingly felt toxic, toxic emotions 29:21 from this person. She has even told me 29:23 that she is sometimes jealous of me and my 29:25 perspectives. Recently she became quite venomous 29:30 with a very negative emotional comment that 29:32 was quite hurtful. I felt like I am at the end of 29:36 my tolerance yet I want to be a good Christian 29:38 and forgive. When, where and when is it 29:41 appropriate for a Christian to draw the line 29:44 in the obligation of friendship and simply 29:46 go my own separate way? See we're not made 29:50 to be doormats constantly, you know suscepting 29:53 or putting our self in you know, in this kind of 29:58 you know harms way of these venomous that she 30:00 talks about venomous very negative emotional 30:02 comments from those. Here's and, here's the, 30:06 the second part, if a nonbelievers wants to 30:08 leave a marriage and the believing spouse wants 30:11 to remarry can he or she remarry without living 30:14 the rest of his or her life in the perpetual 30:16 state of adultery and how is the obligation 30:19 for the believer to fight to keep the 30:21 marriage in tat. Alright, so anyway you see the, 30:25 the relationship issues here that people are 30:27 having and John I believe it is indicative 30:30 of the relationships many who are listening to 30:33 this program, who are viewing this program 30:35 as well have today you are a pastor, 30:40 I'm a pastor I think the biggest, the largest 30:43 number of, the largest type of counseling that 30:46 we do has to deal with relationships. 30:49 That's right, you know it's correct. 30:51 The problems that we have in Churches today 30:55 usually stems from relationships. 30:58 So, that's why I think we were compelled 31:01 to do this program on relationships 31:02 because it needs, it needs coverage, 31:05 it needs, we need to talk about relationships 31:08 and how to, how to manage our relationships? 31:10 Manage not in the negative concept. Right. 31:12 But how we approach relationship 31:14 to make it healthy, to make it all that God 31:17 wants it to be because ultimately a 31:18 relationship starts with the Lord. 31:21 That's right. He is the author of relationships; 31:23 it's the only reason why we were created, 31:25 so we could have a relationship with us. 31:27 So, therefore the other second half of the law, 31:30 how do we have relationships with 31:31 others? That's a very good point, I was 31:34 thinking that very same thought and so, 31:35 what we're gonna do is we're gonna segue 31:36 from our questions which thank you for 31:38 the bridge that takes us over into our, 31:40 our actual topic but, but if you have any 31:42 questions that have come to your mind 31:44 during this program or during this question 31:47 time you can send those questions to 31:48 housecalls@3ABN.org, that's 31:50 housecalls@3ABN.org and we will get 31:54 those questions answered in a timely 31:56 manner so keep watching the program 31:57 for that. John I was so, I thought 32:02 providential of you to mention the 32:04 relationship context. Let's look at the 32:07 model for relationships and you know 32:08 the Bible talks about this in Matthew 22 32:10 where it says: Love the Lord your God with 32:13 all your heart and then you can love your 32:16 neighbor as yourself. Right. 32:19 You made that wonderfully clear that the 32:22 first obligation we have is, loving God. Now, 32:25 John I believe and I think that we could 32:27 agree on this, I believe that you can agree 32:29 with us on this whether you're listening 32:30 or watching the program that, if we have a love 32:34 relationship with God He has so filled us that 32:38 it is so much easier to love our neighbors 32:41 as we love ourselves. Right. But if we 32:45 don't have a love relationship with God 32:46 and we're trying to love people without 32:48 the love of God or the power of God 32:49 available to us, we can't do it because 32:52 it's just not human. Right, you know 32:54 and this is modeled, yeah, 32:55 in the life of Christ. Christ is the one 32:58 that we emulate. We're Christians, 33:00 Christians, we're followers of Christ, 33:03 we do what Christ taught us and 33:05 think about Christ's life, I mean how many times 33:07 did you find that Christ hated someone 33:10 and spout out anger or angry words at somebody 33:14 or reacted harshly or, or in a way that 33:17 damaged and broke down relationships. 33:19 You know Jesus never did that because why 33:22 His relationship with His Father was so strong 33:25 and because His relationship with 33:27 His Father was so strong and the Spirit 33:29 of God, the Holy Spirit was so in Him 33:32 and filled Him and He walked in the Spirit 33:34 that even in the face of enemies John, 33:37 and conflict and stress and the Cross. 33:43 He yet managed and handled those 33:45 relationships and obey that show that He 33:48 is a God of Love. So, shouldn't it be that 33:52 way in our own relationships no 33:54 matter what kind of relationships they are, 33:55 right, I believe it should. That's right 33:58 when the Lord talks about the greatest 33:59 evidence of love in Matthew chapter 12, 34:04 Mark chapter 12 and verse 31, 34:07 I like this he says. And the 2nd is like 34:11 it or like this. You shall love your 34:14 neighbor as yourself and this is amazing 34:17 there is no other commandment greater 34:20 than these. Loving the Lord Your God with 34:22 all Your heart, mind, soul and strength. Well, 34:24 if you do that how do, how do you have 34:25 love left for your neighbor? 34:27 Because if you love your neighbor as 34:28 much as you love yourself that's, 34:31 that's the key, if you think of the love 34:33 that God has given to you then that love 34:36 activates the love for your neighbor. 34:37 There is no greater commandment than that, 34:39 but at the core at the foundation of this 34:44 issue is a hard heart, at the foundation 34:48 of this issue we talked about this before 34:50 the program and I, and I'll give you 34:51 the room here to emphasize or expand 34:54 on that is people just want to have 34:56 their own way. You know, people want 34:58 to, I notice when I'm, I couple, I marriage, 35:02 I do a lot of marriage counseling to 35:05 married couples and I notice that when, 35:07 when the, when the situation is hot 35:09 or when it's freezing in another words, 35:13 hot tempered or cold emotions. 35:16 I don't care anymore giving up, yeah. 35:18 They both want to be seen as right. Yeah. 35:21 And it's not so much the same person 35:23 that you married many years ago or 35:26 few years ago, it's not the same person 35:28 that you loved or, or valued your love 35:30 to it's like you almost mortal enemies. 35:33 And so, the thing that people seek to do 35:35 is to maintain their, their, I'm innocent 35:39 in the eyes of everybody else. 35:40 While they're crucifying a fresh, 35:42 while they're crucifying all over that person 35:44 they vowed to love and cherish and honored 35:46 and, and, and, and support, so we got 35:49 to get to the point of what is, 35:51 what does it take to have a viable relationship? 35:53 What does it take for that love that seems 35:57 impossible to give to be possible to give? 36:00 That's right. In a relationship setting. 36:02 I think one of the biggest things that 36:04 we do in counseling is try to get them 36:08 to turn from a selfish view, 36:10 a very self-centered view which is what 36:13 they want to get out of the marriage 36:16 to how they can put into the marriage, 36:19 which is a very giving view? 36:22 So, rather than taking from the relationship, 36:25 they turn their heart more toward putting 36:27 into or giving into the marriage and when 36:31 all you want to do is to take, take, 36:33 take at some point there's just nothing 36:34 left. And it's a very selfish thing, 36:36 it's as you meet, and as you begin 36:39 to talk to a lot of couples you're right, 36:41 they want to defend their position, 36:43 they wanna see and show you why the 36:45 other person is wrong and they are right. 36:47 And the first thing you've, we try 36:50 to do after listening of course for a period 36:52 of time is to try and turn this into what 36:57 do I need to do to improve the 37:00 relationship. Even though I may have 37:02 been wrong and there are legitimate 37:04 spouses that have been wronged 37:06 by the other and they had every argument 37:07 to get for that, but no matter what has 37:10 happened there even Jesus forgave His, 37:12 those who were crucifying Him? 37:14 How do we forgive and then in a way, 37:17 how do we turn our heart more toward 37:20 putting into the relationships something 37:22 that we have not putting into it to get 37:24 it to go to the next level? The level of 37:26 intimacy that God wants us to have. 37:28 We're talking now about the marriage 37:30 it seem to be going into more the marriage 37:32 relationship here. And so, John how can 37:35 'cause there are couples out there who 37:38 are fighting, who are battling, 37:39 who are struggling with their marriages? 37:41 What are some things they can do to 37:43 begin to put to look at putting into their 37:46 marriage more than taking out of their 37:50 marriage something they want in a very selfish 37:53 perspective? No matter how legitimate 37:55 their issue or they're great maybe with 37:57 their spouse? How can they begin 37:59 to put in rather than take out? Well, 38:01 I think one of the first things that 38:02 we need to do John and speaking 38:04 to those who are watching and listening to 38:05 the program. The first thing we need 38:07 to do rather than trying to accomplish 38:09 something in our human effort. 38:11 We've got to literally stop and pray. 38:14 Lot of people don't pray and ask the strength 38:16 'cause you know what? If I said okay, 38:19 I'm angry with you, here's what I'm 38:21 gonna do? Well, you know you're not 38:22 capable of accomplishing anything outside 38:24 of the power of God. Right. That's made 38:26 available to you and when Jesus says a pray 38:29 that you're into, not into temptation. 38:30 The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. 38:34 So somebody people may say, so 38:36 what you have to do is if the Spirit is willing, 38:38 we have to pray Lord we pray that your 38:41 Holy Spirit will make me willing. 38:44 Lot of people no willing. Lord change my spouse, 38:47 doesn't work. I mean I see that and laugh, 38:52 but this is what people are praying about 38:54 a lot of times in their prayers, 38:55 they're praying for the other one. Right. 38:57 When they needed to pray Lord help 38:58 me as I relate to my spouse, help me 39:01 to be more loving and kind and patient 39:03 and willing to work on this relationship. 39:06 You know, we go for microscope to, 39:08 to telescope when it comes to looking 39:10 at the faults in others. Yeah. And 39:12 sometimes we go down to the cellular level 39:14 and in some cases it is true. 39:16 Some people are just nit picky, some people 39:18 are na, na, na, na, they will nag you to death. 39:21 Other people will get angry and stay angry 39:23 and some people will demand your allegiance, 39:25 no matter what they do to you, 39:27 they just want you to be allegiant and 39:28 we've seen some very toxic relationships. 39:30 I've seen some situations where it seems 39:32 like it's impossible it's almost like pouring 39:34 acid on a napkin, it will consume the other 39:36 person instantly, but once again if that 39:39 person remembers, if you go back to 39:41 the beginning, if you go back to the time 39:42 and the relationship was good. 39:43 I call it go on back as Dr. Gary 39:48 Chapman wrote a book entitled The Four 39:49 Seasons of Marriage. Great book I would 39:52 recommend anybody getting that book because 39:54 it talks about the winter, the spring, 39:56 the summer, and the fall. Most people 40:00 don't consider anything wrong with their 40:02 relationship till about the end of the fall 40:04 and going into cold dead winter. Right. 40:07 And if you notice that in the winter time 40:08 trees are barren, trees are without any foliage. 40:14 And you wonder how on earth in the blast 40:17 of winter is that tree is going to come 40:19 back to life. Well, that tree hasn't die, 40:21 it just has become recluse, it is now going 40:24 to, gone with the self-preservation. 40:26 All of the life is now on the inside 40:29 it's not showing on the outside and here's 40:31 my point. We're gonna go to some Bible 40:34 verses here. There still life on the inside 40:37 when Christ is there. Well, we have to pray 40:39 for the Lord to do is to get us out of winter. 40:42 Get us into a spring setting of our 40:45 relationship so that the life that He knows, 40:47 He has put within us will start showing 40:50 on the outside through tend the words. 40:52 A principle one of those is the Bible says, 40:57 pray for one another. Let's go to James 5 41:00 and verse 16 and this is something does, 41:03 it doesn't say pray for one another in other 41:04 words, Lord I'm praying that my husband 41:06 loses his temper or I'm praying that my 41:08 gets her attitude together. We're not 41:11 talking about that. We're saying Lord, 41:13 I pray that I could win my wife back. 41:16 I pray that I could win my husband back, 41:18 I pray that I could love my wife or my husband 41:20 the way that you've called me to love them. 41:22 I pray that I can see the best in them 41:25 and stop picking them apart, but James 5 41:28 and verse 16. Now, read that for me John. 41:32 Confess your trespasses to one another, 41:35 and pray for one another, that you maybe healed. 41:38 The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous 41:40 man avails much. Now, the three steps, 41:43 what's the first thing? Confess to each other. 41:45 Okay. Your, your faults and your trespasses, 41:47 that means confess what you have done 41:50 to wrong to somebody else. Right, now 41:52 what they've done to wrong you. Right, 41:53 exactly. I like somebody say you know, 41:55 you go to you and say, okay we don't have, 41:58 we're two guys here, but if, if I got to my 42:00 wife I don't say honey I confess you really 42:02 have a bad temper. That's not. 42:04 That doesn't work. That's not the confession. 42:06 Well, we try it, but it doesn't work. 42:07 Honey, I confess that you really know 42:09 how to dig into my attitude; I confess 42:12 that you have a bad attitude that's not 42:14 the confession. Right, that's right. 42:16 You know, we say I confess okay I have 42:19 done wrong and we have get so specific 42:23 sometimes you know, and that initial 42:26 breaking through the ice, the hardest thing 42:28 to do is to think that you're going to get 42:31 through the ice on the first attempt, 42:34 but as better and easier to melt eyes and 42:39 a whole lot less effort then trying to break 42:41 through the ice. You get that warm torch 42:44 of love that warm torch of embrace, 42:46 the ice will melt a lot faster than all the 42:49 activity and energy you can do and trying 42:51 to break that eyes. That's right. And so, 42:53 I'll start there first of all praying for 42:57 one another. Well and when you confess your 42:59 faults to someone else and there when it 43:01 says you pray for one another. 43:02 I think the context there is you're 43:05 communicating. Right. Because you're 43:07 confessing into one another, 43:08 so as he transitions to pray for one another, 43:10 there is a praying together here. So, 43:13 what about you know as you're, 43:15 as you are warmed, as you, as husband 43:18 and wife are warm to each other and 43:19 confessing to each other your faults? 43:21 What about then just getting on your knees 43:24 and praying that this situation that 43:26 your marriage, the things that have 43:28 happened in your marriage? Maybe it's 43:29 a specific instance that has gone away 43:30 and, or things have happened that are wrong 43:33 and, and maybe praying about that 43:35 for each other and I tell you there is 43:38 nothing like, you know if I'm with Russell 43:40 and if we're praying together. 43:42 There's nothing that a warmer heart to 43:44 me more than for me to confess to God 43:46 in prayer her hearing me, but I have wronged her. 43:50 Because then she knows that I am then making 43:53 it right with God and that God's blessings 43:56 then can flow from that because it says that: 44:01 The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous 44:03 man avails much. In order words, 44:04 it means that God will move. That's right. 44:08 So, as I'm confessing to the Lord my wrong 44:10 to somebody else and they're hearing that, 44:12 it's her affirmation that our relationship 44:15 is going somewhere or God is going to 44:17 bless it because, if she doesn't hear that 44:19 for me, if she doesn't hear my confession. 44:22 She knows that the Lord can't bless and 44:25 bring us together. That's right. Because 44:27 I'm leaving him out, I'm doing it my way. 44:29 So, there is a lot in adverse, there is a lot 44:32 in adverse. And then when it comes 44:34 to confessing to one another don't throw 44:36 your hands up and say, okay you, this is going 44:38 to hear, is this what you want to hear, 44:40 I'm wrong okay, I've confessed, I'm wrong, 44:42 okay I'm the problem. That's not an 44:43 attitude of confession. Exactly. 44:45 That's not the Spirit that Christ wants us 44:47 to have because some people go from it's 44:50 your fault to okay I'm wrong is that 44:52 what you want to hear? Okay, fine I 44:53 have admitted it I'm wrong, 44:55 I'm the problem, and nothing really get 44:57 solved because what happens is they go 44:59 from crucifying the person to crucifying 45:01 themselves, it's this pendulum swing that 45:04 goes from one extreme all the way to the other 45:08 and it's just as bad as, you know it's like you 45:10 switch places and the spouse will say. 45:13 Oh! Look, I'm not saying that you are 45:14 the total problem, oh! Yes, you are 45:16 and I'm taking total blame for this one 45:19 nothing gets done. Yeah. So, just you got 45:22 to pray for that passion to calm down and 45:24 that the criticism to calm down and one of 45:27 the first things I say is you've to give full 45:29 attention to your spouse, to your, 45:31 to your partner because you know what John? 45:35 I have discovered this when relationship 45:37 start going bad, people give more attention 45:39 to the phone than to their partner. Yeah, 45:43 and friends with listening ears. 45:46 And they, they pull together an army of 45:49 people that agree with them without hearing 45:52 the other side. To affirm their own 45:54 conclusion of what's going wrong. 45:56 So, they can get their way. And even 45:58 more than that what we find and you know 46:01 there is articles out there on the internet 46:03 about you know how to make your 46:04 relationships stronger and so forth and to 46:07 the last one what you will find is they say 46:09 that as you're communicating these 46:11 confessions, these issues between each other, 46:13 if you, most of the time when you don't 46:16 get anywhere, what's happening is 46:18 that you are thinking of a next thing 46:20 you're going to say without really 46:21 listening to your spouse. Right. So, as your 46:24 spouse is voicing maybe their concern or, 46:27 or how they've been wronged because 46:29 that is a Matthew 18 principle right. Right. 46:31 Go to someone; let him know how they 46:32 have wronged you? Right. So, as you're 46:34 doing that instead of getting defensive, 46:36 how to build the relationship is 46:38 to listen to their issue, the complaint 46:42 that they have. And then respect them enough 46:46 to then examine yourself and to agree that 46:51 you may have some part to play in this. 46:54 Oh! Yeah. Not thinking of how you're going 46:56 to defend with what they do to you, 46:58 well you do this and now, well you'd, 47:00 you know just escalates from there. 47:02 That's not respecting each other, 47:03 that's not minding your manners, that's, that's 47:06 not communicating effectively that is 47:08 not God's way of having a marriage 47:10 relationship. And you know John, 47:13 the other thing that's very good point. 47:14 The other thing that when we read the Bible 47:16 and we look at principles, sometimes 47:17 we wonder why the Bible give so much 47:19 advice to the husband and not to the wife. 47:21 You know for example here in Colossians 3 47:24 and verse 19 it says: Husbands love your 47:28 wives and do not be bitter toward them 47:32 and it says, wives submit to your own husbands 47:35 as is fitting in the Lord. Okay, you find 47:39 verse 18 submitting. The Bible, the context 47:44 of this was written in the, in the culture in 47:46 which women were submissive to their 47:49 husbands and the sense of the husband 47:52 was truly the head of the home, but 47:55 in the western society where you have 47:57 both working outside of the home, both 48:00 bringing in an income. We have a society 48:02 where we teach our equal rights for 48:05 equal pay not a bad, not a bad philosophy 48:07 at all, if could drive a, if could drive a bus, 48:09 you drive a bus, would you get the same 48:10 amount of money? Exactly. But what 48:12 happened is in the western society; 48:14 many of the principles that were intact 48:17 and in a force in the days when this is 48:19 written are not exercised here in America. 48:22 You know, you use a phrase like, well 48:23 who wears the pants in this home and both 48:25 are wearing pants physically. You get 48:28 to the point where who makes more money 48:30 or who is more educated and all those 48:32 kinds of issues come to the forefront and so, 48:34 therefore when it says husbands love your 48:36 wives and do not be bitter toward them. 48:38 We could expand on that and say love 48:40 each other and do not be bitter toward 48:42 each other. And that's the principle 48:44 in the text don't let the sun go down 48:46 on your wrath. Yes. That applies to both of us. 48:49 And the submission there, you were 48:51 mentioning is, is another word for that really 48:54 is a respect in meekness. Right. Really, 48:57 it's a, it' a acknowledging the 48:59 man's roleas the protector of 49:02 the family, the strength of the family holding 49:06 it together, the one kneading it and 49:07 making sure that number one, spiritually stays 49:12 together, but number two even physically 49:14 that he is the protecting hand and arm 49:15 of that family. Right. And a wife recognizes 49:18 that in out of respect, submit or is, is 49:22 allowing him to fulfill his role. Now, 49:25 the other part is husbands love your 49:28 wives as Christ loved the Church. Okay. 49:31 So, the issue there is that it's a possible 49:33 that Christ knew that husbands would have 49:36 trouble with their protective strong self 49:40 would have to be encouraged to love 49:43 their wives. Yes, I believe that's 49:45 the case, men we are hard. You know 49:50 most of us, I'm not saying all of us, but 49:52 unless we work on that how Christ loved 49:56 the Church part. Tenders. The tender or 49:58 the kindness, the meekness, the love 50:00 and the, the compassion then we will not 50:02 be able to love our wives as we do. 50:05 We will default right to that sinful strength 50:09 that part of us it says, hey I'm in control, 50:12 you listen to me. That was never God's design 50:14 that a man would have to step up to his 50:16 wife and say, listen I'm the head of 50:17 this household, and you listen to me 50:18 and you sit back and do what I tell you 50:20 to do? That's not the context in which God 50:23 is saying wives submit to your husbands 50:25 that is abuse. That's Right. And so, 50:28 we need to be aware as husbands that 50:30 we're doing our part to love our wives as Christ 50:33 loved the Church. And so, when it says 50:35 submit yourselves unto your own husbands, 50:37 the context is as unto the Lord. That's right. 50:41 You're submitting to a loving husband. 50:43 Yours, you're not submitting to a tyrant 50:45 and vice versa, any submission at all to 50:49 the other is done in love. That's right. 50:51 Be not in fear that if I don't submit to you, 50:54 what' gonna happen to me? Right, never that. 50:57 Yeah if you do that it's like. And that's the sad 51:00 part is that's what the word has taken on 51:02 in this context in modern days. Yeah. 51:04 Submission is really this context of what else, 51:07 but that's not really the Biblical word to submit. 51:10 And people start reviewing the laws of a 51:12 land to see how I can come out ahead 51:13 of the other, but let me give you a couple of, 51:15 of couple of pointers here that we're gonna 51:17 build on, one when you're communicating, 51:19 when you're communicating and anything 51:21 is to maintain the context that God 51:23 intends, give full attention to 51:26 your partner when he or she is speaking. 51:29 Some people turn the television up real high, 51:31 some people on the phone, yeah, 51:33 yeah, yeah, whatever, whatever they're 51:35 complaining to the mother-in-law or their 51:37 friend or whomever is on the other end 51:38 of the line or they're calling their moms and 51:41 dads and brothers and sisters and friends 51:42 and officials and they are on the phone 51:45 and the other one is saying, don't destroy 51:47 because what happens John? I look at 51:49 relationships like a pillow, a feather 51:50 pillow. You've heard the illustration before 51:52 in other context, but sometimes people will 51:55 take each other and they'll beat their 51:56 feathers out of each other and that that 51:59 represents complaining and spreading all 52:02 these statements about each other and 52:04 the wind takes it and carries it away and 52:06 then. So much damage has done, how do 52:08 you put the feathers back in the pillow? 52:09 You can't, everybody will, some people will 52:12 go with the attitude that oh! John is a 52:14 terrible guy. You know Lomacang, Stanton 52:18 are awful guys and you have finally got your 52:21 issue together. You and your wife have 52:22 resolved things and it's all put together, 52:23 but people still go away with all those feathers. 52:26 They think that you're still the worst. Yeah, 52:27 and it gets out there so, I would say keep 52:29 it between the two of you and, if you 52:30 can keep it between the two of you between 52:33 you and the Lord and get a counselor 52:34 or a pastor, but please whatever you do, 52:37 do not enlist friends, do not enlist family 52:42 members, do not enlist people that are going 52:44 to be bias. And let me just also add this part, 52:47 if you are related to the person who is in 52:49 a problem and you start giving advice. 52:52 Don't ever think that you could be seen 52:53 as not being biased. That's right. You know, 52:55 if you're my brother and you start giving advice 52:57 to my wife or vice versa, if you're my wife's 53:00 sister and you start giving advice to her 53:02 husband, there's no way that you're not 53:04 gonna be seen as bias. That's right. 53:06 There is no way, sort of say, well I'm not 53:07 biased, see I'm just talking about to how 53:09 I see it, there's no way you cannot 53:11 be seen bias because blood when it comes 53:14 to problems, people see it is thicker than 53:15 water. And there are levels as a problem 53:18 begins. Right. There are levels that this spouse 53:22 can take it to and so, we're talking 53:24 about keeping that from going to the next level. 53:27 Don't let it get beyond your dear friends, 53:29 and family work on at yourself, let God 53:31 be your guide and put Him at the head of this, 53:34 He'll help to correct and reconcile the issue 53:37 between you. You know, one of the things 53:38 here too that we that I just want to mention is, 53:41 sure, not over doing things. Okay. You know; 53:45 blowing mounting out of a mount hill kind 53:47 of thing, don't blow things something 53:49 up that really isn't so big. Out of the portion. 53:53 Here's, here's one example someone said 53:54 this to me recently, if I can remember 53:56 it correctly you know, do you ever speak 53:58 before you wonder, if you can really remember 54:00 what you're backing or we're gonna reference, 54:01 but let me think about it here for a second. 54:02 We have to be careful not to offend others, 54:08 but we also have to be careful not to be 54:12 offended by others. Very good one. See. Okay. 54:16 So, there is both sides to this. 54:19 There are people who are quick to offend, 54:21 but you know people who are quick to be 54:24 offended and they will take something 54:26 that someone doesn't intent to say, maybe 54:29 words that aren't well chosen, but the 54:32 intention is into really you know, be taking 54:36 it as, as they have and they'll be so 54:38 offended that they will turn it into 54:41 something huge. Right. When that person 54:43 simply said something, maybe not 54:44 describing it well, but said something 54:46 they really didn't mean to say. I can tell 54:49 you sometimes and you now, 54:50 we can let little tidbits about our relationships, 54:53 but probably when I early on my 54:55 relationship with Russell. Probably 54:57 one of the things that God is into these 54:59 little arguments sometimes was 55:00 that I or her would use words that we 55:04 didn't really, we weren't really good at 55:06 describing. Loaded words sometimes. Yeah, 55:09 or just something like for example, 55:14 that's obnoxious. Well, then the response 55:18 would be, you called me obnoxious. 55:22 No, I didn't call you obnoxious, I said 55:24 what you were doing there was bother some. 55:26 Oops, excuse me wrong word not obnoxious 55:29 and then it goes from there you see, 55:30 I'm just use an example that things can 55:33 start and then fuel and someone's offend and 55:35 then someone's gonna offend again then 55:37 it becomes a fight, let's be tempered 55:40 and how we communicate? Whatsoever 55:43 things are true I mention that verse before 55:45 in the last time? Philippians 4:8. Yes, 55:47 Philippians 4:8: Whatsoever things 55:48 are true. Don't read the motives of what 55:51 someone is saying, don't read into the words 55:54 as what they're saying is how you've 55:57 interpreted because they may not be meaning 55:59 how you've taken it. Find out what's true? 56:01 Communicate with them on a one-to-one 56:03 level and make sure you don't just blow 56:05 everythingout of proportion. Don't be 56:07 easily offended and make sure you try 56:09 not to offend. Very, very well, very well put, 56:13 I wanna give you a kind of a list sort of 56:15 speak as we wind up this portion of our program. 56:18 And by the way, we're not gonna end 56:20 it on here, we're gonna try to cover this 56:21 in another program, in an upcoming program 56:23 'cause there's so much about relationships, 56:24 we can do this whole year long, yeah, but one 56:26 gearfull attention to your partner when he 56:28 or she is talking to you. One focus, number 56:31 two focused on the good qualities in that person 56:34 and praise them for it, three, be assertive. 56:37 In other words, don't be afraid to say what 56:38 you must say, but do so in love and kindly 56:41 avoid criticism, but if you must talk about 56:45 the negative, don't forget to talk, 56:46 also talk about the positive. 56:48 Listen to understand and not to judge. 56:50 Use active listening; make sure that you 56:52 hear what your partner has said before you 56:54 respond and it's clear. Avoid blaming each other 56:57 and work together for a solution and then 56:59 use conflict resolution and then seek counseling 57:04 from the Lord and from a qualified counselor and 57:07 also from a pastor. And you now friends, 57:09 when you turn your life over to Christ, 57:10 all things are possible, but remember First 57:13 Corinthians 15, the principles they are 57:14 great love is long suffering, it's kind, 57:17 it's not boastful, it's not proud. 57:20 It doesn't seek its own and when you live your 57:22 daily life to bring out the love and the 57:25 kindness in each other, the love of Christ 57:27 will be seen in your life. And so, begin 57:28 today by knowing the Lord who loves us 57:32 for who we are? God bless you 57:33 and have a great day. |
Revised 2014-12-17