Participants: Alanzo & June Smith
Series Code: FFH
Program Code: FFH00004A
|
00:04 With each new day families are failing and homes are broken.
00:09 marriages are threatened, fathers are absent. 00:13 Children are rebellious but all is not lost. 00:17 Homes can be healed and hearts can be mended. 00:21 Let's reclaim our Families 4 Heaven. 00:32 Thank you for watching Families 4 Heaven. 00:35 I'm Alanzo Smith and my co-host is June Smith. 00:40 We are discussing, 00:42 Ingredients That Builds a Happy Marriage. 00:50 Dr. June: marriage is under siege. 00:52 Invariably when you find children, or young people, 00:57 who exhibit deviant behavior, you can trace it back 01:03 to the family. 01:04 So it is critical that we have strong marriages, 01:09 hence, strong families. 01:15 Alanzo: there are a lot of people who are getting married 01:20 these days, as a matter of fact one statistic has it as 01:25 anywhere between 85 to 90% of the US population will get 01:31 married at one point or another. 01:34 These couples do intend and desire to 01:38 remain married forever. 01:40 Alanzo: unfortunately not all couples know how to form and 01:46 sustain a marriage, to allow it to last for a lifetime. 01:51 Now in previous generations, when we talked about marriage, 01:56 the concept was we had the nuclear family. 02:01 You had a mother, the father and the children, but in this 02:06 society the family structure has become so complex. 02:13 And marriage is becoming more fragile as a result of this 02:19 complexity, these days marriages are becoming more 02:24 difficult and more fragile. 02:26 In fact it is said that 37% of the married population 02:33 exists as single families, 02:38 that is they eventually fall apart. 02:41 Alanzo: there is a strong indication that the two parent 02:45 family is on the decline. 02:48 Dr. June: 87% of Asian children live in two parent homes, 02:58 that doesn't mean that these parents are married. 03:03 Among Caucasians, the percentage is less, 76% of 03:08 Caucasians live in a two parent home. 03:12 Dr. June: Then we have 70% of Hispanic and Latino 03:16 families that live in two-parent homes. 03:19 But it keeps going down, among African-Americans it is 03:23 only 42% of children live in a two parent family. 03:30 30% of all children, it is said, at some time in their 03:35 development, will live with a step-parent. 03:39 The only conclusion that one can draw from all of these 03:43 statistics that we are giving you taken from the 03:48 Bureau of Census, is that the nuclear family is on a 03:53 rapid declination. 03:56 The healthy marriage, however, is considered the key to 04:01 a healthy society, so you will agree we have a problem. 04:07 Yes we do, but marriages can be strong and healthy. 04:13 We want to focus today on the ingredients. 04:16 Here thus we have a lovely couple. 04:21 We have a Arturo and Loretta Haywood. 04:25 Won't you help me welcome them to our show. 04:34 you folks have been married for a good while now and I 04:38 suspect you have a family. 04:40 Tell us a little bit about yourselves. 04:41 Will let me first say, thank you for inviting my wife 04:45 and I to your show, and it is a pleasure to be here. 04:49 My marriage is pretty much a long time, we have been 04:54 married now for about 32 years. 04:56 We have five children, 10 grandchildren, 05:00 and two great grand's. 05:03 Loretta, can you tell us any of the ingredients, 05:06 or anything you put in your marriage that helped to make 05:10 it last so long? 05:11 Well one of the ingredients, we don't fight in front of 05:16 our children, right we have learned not to. 05:21 Arturo: it is not proper, even we send the children to their 05:27 rooms and they suspect that something has happened so their 05:32 ears are still cocked to listen. 05:35 So to argue in front of them we have come to learn is 05:39 not only them sitting in front of us, sometimes even when 05:43 they are in their rooms, it is best to put it aside and 05:47 leave it until the time is appropriate to really discuss 05:51 the matter, or to argue out of their presence. 05:55 Well, so one of the ingredients in your marriage is that 05:58 you don't argue in front of the children, 06:01 can you think of any other? 06:04 One of the things that is really strengthen our marriage 06:06 is the honesty that we put into it. 06:09 I've come to learn over the years that when you are 06:13 honest with your wife, when you are open with your wife 06:16 you gain more respect from her. 06:20 You gain more respect from your children because they see 06:24 a relationship that is pure and a relationship that is honest. 06:31 We don't hide anything from one another. 06:35 I am open with my wife and I am open with my children. 06:38 That seems to strengthen our marriage even more. 06:42 Loretta: Also, we don't play tit-for-tat, right! 06:47 Right, right, we don't, I don't get back at him for 06:51 something, tried to get even with him. 06:55 We have learned to live that way for years. 06:58 Alanzo: can I ask you a personal question? 07:00 Yes! Alanzo: was it love at first sight? 07:04 Yes. Dr. June: but I'm sure that grew as the 07:07 relationship matured. 07:10 One of the other things that we have also learned to do 07:15 in the whole scope of our marriage is sometimes you learn 07:20 when you see things happening, instead of trying to stay 07:25 and fight it out, sometimes it is best walk away and 07:29 leave things to be by themselves. 07:32 This way you get a chance to refocus on whether you are 07:36 wrong or whether the other party is wrong. 07:39 Most of the time when you walk away, you will find that 07:42 sometimes you might be the guilty person. 07:45 Dr. June: you give yourself pause. 07:47 You think about it and sometimes you find you are even 07:51 able to go and say I am sorry. 07:53 Arturo: absolutely, because when you can say I'm sorry, 07:57 it breaks down that macho-ness as far as men are 08:02 concerned, that self eagerness where you picture yourself 08:07 as being the superior person. 08:10 It makes the wife also to understand that yes, at least 08:16 he has some kind of humility about himself. 08:19 It works both ways, it works both ways. 08:25 Is it easy for you to say you are sorry, Loretta? 08:29 Yes, it is very easy for me to say that I'm sorry. 08:32 Dr. June: it's easy to say after 32 years of marriage. 08:36 Loretta: yes that is correct, yes I am the first to 08:39 admit that I did something wrong. 08:41 Dr. June: good for you. 08:42 You know, it is a healthy thing to do. 08:46 A lot of people, as you rightly say, especially we males, 08:51 we tend to think it is not becoming a man to say I am 08:56 sorry, but it is a good thing to do. 09:01 Arturo: Honey I am sorry. 09:03 Dr. June: thank you. 09:04 Arturo: you would be surprised to know the impact it has 09:06 on the wife when a husband can say he's sorry. 09:10 You know there is something about the male ego, when a 09:14 man is in a situation where he is confronted with a problem. 09:20 He doesn't want to yield, to say I'm sorry because I'm 09:25 the man, I'm not going there. 09:28 But when you back off and can say I'm sorry, 09:32 it makes a big difference. 09:33 We are so happy that you could come and talk with us 09:37 about the health of your marriage and we are happy 09:40 for you and pray and wish you God's blessing that you 09:44 have more than 32 years for a happy marriage life. 09:47 Arturo: thank you for having us. 09:49 Thank you for coming on. 09:50 We are going to take a break, but we have some more guests 09:53 for you as we continue to talk about the 09:55 Ingredients of a Happy Marriage. |
Revised 2014-12-17