Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Palischer Ratliff
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00087B
00:15 Welcome back, we're talking Palischer and Palischer
00:18 pronounce your last name. - Ratliff - with no T?
00:22 Without no t. No T. and no C.
00:24 You are talking about the different things that happen to
00:29 you as you're growing up, stepping out, and your
00:31 rebellion, having the two boys and now looking at raising
00:35 them and trying to give them everything you didn't get as
00:39 far as emotionally from your folks.
00:42 Not that they didn't love you, just the stuff that was
00:44 going on in their lives, especially with your dad's
00:47 alcoholism and now you have got these kids.
00:49 Can you continue because I know that life was good
00:53 and then you had some tragic things happen and let's get
00:57 into some of that stuff.
00:58 Okay well, I had my two boys and I didn't stay with their
01:05 father so we were living okay.
01:08 I had a job and was working and making okay money so we
01:12 didn't want for too much at first.
01:14 Also their father was on SSI so I got money from that for
01:19 the boys also. We had a car and a place to stay and
01:23 they dressed pretty nice.
01:24 So they were happy and I was happy and the things they
01:28 wanted we mostly got them.
01:30 One day when I was watching my youngest son playing,
01:34 the Spirit came to me, I know it wasn't an audible voice,
01:38 but it sounded so clear in my mind.
01:41 It said, you're going to bury this one.
01:44 I was like what? It scared me so much and I ran out the
01:49 house to my girlfriends house and told her
01:51 the Spirit just told me I'm going to bury my baby.
01:53 I called my sister and said the Spirit told me I was
01:55 going to bury my baby and I don't know what to do.
01:58 I don't know what to think about it.
01:59 In your heart you knew that that was God?
02:02 I knew it was God, I had never heard the voice of God
02:06 like that before but I knew it had to be the Spirit of
02:09 God what else could it be?
02:11 What did people say to you?
02:12 Well how do you know? I just know, I know because I'm
02:16 really crying, I'm scared because this is my baby.
02:20 I love him so much, so from that point forward I started
02:24 nurturing him more and being close to him and watching
02:27 him and being careful not to let him go places that
02:31 I didn't know or I would go with him and such like that.
02:33 My Sister said your so careful about him.
02:36 I told her I don't know what he's going to die, I don't
02:39 know what's going to happen, or how it's going to happen
02:41 but the Spirit said he is going to die and I'll bury him.
02:45 But as time went on and nothing happened to him, except
02:48 he was a very rebellious kid, very much like his mother.
02:51 - that generational - that generational thing.
02:54 He wanted to be his own self.
02:56 I had taken him to Sabbath school, when I would go to
02:59 church I would take him.
03:00 His other brother David was just the opposite, a preppy
03:03 guy that loved to wear suits, smart aleck would do
03:06 good in school.
03:07 Boyd was different he didn't like a suit, He didn't
03:09 want to go to school, he didn't like church and he didn't learn
03:13 to read because he wouldn't stay interested in school.
03:17 So in Sabbath school they were trying to make him read
03:20 one time in Sabbath school, they go around and all the
03:22 kids read and they didn't know that he could read.
03:25 So rather than say anything he just burst into tears and
03:27 ran out and so they came and got me from my Sabbath
03:30 school and I went and found him and he was just crying
03:32 and he doesn't want to go back in.
03:34 So I did not make him go back, he never went back
03:36 to Sabbath school after that.
03:37 - did he tell you the reason? Because a lot of times
03:41 they just bury that in their heart.
03:43 Yeah he tell me that's what they tried to make him read,
03:45 he didn't want them to know he couldn't read.
03:48 So there is no other alternative to him but to leave.
03:51 Then he thought a stigma was on him so he didn't like
03:53 coming to church because he thought people were always
03:56 looking at him because he was the guy that couldn't read
03:58 so we had issues there.
03:59 Of course issues in school and then he got
04:03 used to the street life.
04:05 He liked the acceptance he got in the street with
04:07 his buddies and stuff. - because they don't care
04:09 about any of that stuff.
04:10 - no they don't care about nothing.
04:12 Most of them couldn't read either so he was right in his
04:14 own arena and feeling good about it.
04:16 No matter how much I tried to steer him in another
04:19 direction, his heart was set on his way of doing things.
04:22 I thought you are just like your mother.
04:24 But I started taking him to funerals when they were like
04:29 13, young people dying and man don't you know that
04:33 one day this is going to be you if you don't stop.
04:36 You've got to change your ways.
04:38 He said mom I can handle it, I can handle it, I'm cool,
04:41 I can handle it.
04:42 Because of that thing that happened with you and God
04:46 early on is that you'd try to just prevent anything.
04:49 - yeah! You must've been aware that this is what you
04:53 were looking at, this is all the street has to offer you.
04:56 Even though I have to be honest, I forgot that even when
05:00 telling him the end of result of this is that you might
05:03 get killed too, still not thinking.
05:05 Because it has already gone away in my own head and
05:09 I'm living my own life as a single parent, dating,
05:13 working and drinking and smoking and just
05:16 doing my own thing.
05:17 Trying to take care of him on the side and wishing
05:20 he would do better, his brother played football and
05:22 I turned out to be the football mom going to
05:23 the games and stuff.
05:25 He's jealous and here goes the sibling thing because
05:27 I'm spending time with his brother and not him and
05:29 he doesn't want to go to the games because he is mad.
05:31 But anyway, after a while my mother got sick and
05:40 I started having to take care of her. My dad got sick
05:44 first. He had cancer and he had been separated from
05:47 my mother, they got divorced when we were kids still.
05:50 But I kept up with him because I was his baby.
05:53 He decided he was going to stop drinking and one of his
05:57 friends who knew me, because I've been the baby all the
06:00 time, he totally your dad needs you.
06:02 He's up on the streets and not having a good time
06:06 and you need to go find your dad.
06:07 So I went out to find him, he was on the streets fussing and
06:10 cussing, I said dad what is the matter with you? He said there's
06:12 bugs on me, there's bugs on me. No dad there's no bugs
06:15 on you. Yes there is just cuss me out can't you see
06:17 these bugs? So I said dad I'm going to take
06:19 you to the Doctor. The Doctor can help you.
06:21 So I took him to the Doctor and asked the Doctor is there
06:23 anything wrong with my dad that I can't take them home
06:26 with me because I have two boys and I want to know if he's
06:29 got something they might get and I couldn't take him.
06:31 But if he is just going through some things I want to
06:33 take him home with me.
06:34 So he said he is fine you can take him home.
06:36 So I did, I went and got him and moved them home with me
06:38 and I kept him until he died.
06:40 He had cancer of the throat because he was a smoker.
06:43 - That's how my dad died his alcoholism with cancer of
06:47 the throat, my stepdad.
06:48 It's not a pretty thing to watch, he couldn't talk,
06:53 his voice went raspy and he died in my car as a matter
06:56 of fact on the way home from the hospital because he had
06:59 been in Martinez and I went to go get him and he wanted
07:03 to come home and they wouldn't let him come home.
07:05 He said every time that you are not here they say you
07:07 are coming but when you get here they will let me go.
07:09 So I told them look I'm taking him home and they let me
07:11 take you home but before we got home he just stopped
07:14 breathing, he just stopped breathing.
07:16 So that was a really big time in my life,
07:18 that was like in 85 maybe 86.
07:22 Then when my mother got sick later, she had always been kind
07:26 of sick all of our lives, she was never a healthy woman.
07:30 And when she started needing help at home, I started
07:33 spending a lot of time with her and I had my own place
07:37 and my boys were big teenagers now and so I can spend
07:40 more time with her. I stayed with her till she died.
07:44 Then I had a friend, I got married in the process
07:48 of all this stuff.
07:50 My kid's father died before my mother and we went to LA
07:54 and it was really terrible because I was so nervous, even
07:57 though we weren't together we still communicated and
08:01 I was so nervous on the way to the funeral.
08:03 One of my best friends drove me down there,
08:05 she's a sweetheart and I love her to death.
08:07 Just before we got to the last stop I smoked a joint.
08:11 - just to relax? - just relax my nerves.
08:14 Then we got back from the funeral it was a week or
08:17 maybe later I got called to the school because my son
08:20 had been caught smoking weed in the bathroom.
08:23 He told the teacher I only did it because
08:26 I saw my mom do it, it was like ahh.
08:29 And we don't think that whole generational thing.
08:32 Yeah and it is real.
08:35 Kids only hear what they see, they don't hear what
08:39 you say, they hear what they see and they're going to do
08:42 what they see and it is so important.
08:44 But anyway, so in 2007 my mother had a mini stroke and
08:50 so she was in the hospital for a few days and then
08:55 we put her in a convalescent home.
08:57 In September my friend, who had been my friend for 20
09:03 years, he died. Then in October my godmother died,
09:08 and November 3 my mother died so I had a really rough
09:12 year with death right in there.
09:14 But it was during that time that I reached back for God.
09:19 Because my husband also died in 85, nope he didn't die
09:23 in 85, it was about 94.
09:25 I drank my way through everybody that died up to that
09:28 point of my friend, I had drank my way through
09:31 the pain of it.
09:33 I knew that when this guy died it was heavier than that for
09:36 me because he had been my support system, my friend,
09:39 everything and not to have him was not a cool thing for me.
09:43 There wasn't enough alcohol? To bury that one?
09:47 No I didn't think there would be.
09:49 No, because when they brought it to me, you know when you have
09:53 a vise your friends just bring it to you,
09:55 you don't have to buy nothing.
09:56 I just poured it out and say God I can't do it this time.
09:59 You have to rescue me, and I told Him forgive me.
10:02 I know that I have hurt You and have done so many
10:05 things to hurt You if You will just get me through this,
10:09 I'm yours. God forgave me, I felt His forgiveness just
10:12 come over me and I started a new life.
10:15 - no shame, no condemnation? - no, nothing.
10:17 Just grateful you're coming back. - just thankfulness.
10:21 I could feel the rejoicing in heaven and I was so glad
10:24 at that point that I did know that my son was going to be
10:28 dying shortly after that even though it was several years
10:31 later he gave me time to develop a relationship with God.
10:35 He is so merciful, because the love that He had back then
10:39 to tell me what was going to happen and then to love me
10:42 all through the times I was hurting Him, He was loving me
10:46 anyway. - so tell me in that time where you were
10:51 standing up spiritually, what does that look like because
10:55 you're having to give up the drinking, you're having to
11:00 give up the relationships that you grabbed hold of
11:03 to get you through stuff? - Yeah I told God if You will be
11:08 my alcohol, my drug of choice and my man I can serve You.
11:13 Those are the things that got me so bound up and strung
11:16 out that I just need You to be those things for me.
11:20 If You will just be those things
11:21 I'm going to be all right. And God said it was no
11:25 problem, I can be all that and some more, so He has just
11:29 taken those desires from me and it's a beautiful thing
11:33 and I'm just so thankful, I'm so thankful.
11:36 So you're starting to stand up spiritually stronger and
11:39 stronger and your son is acting out more and more.
11:43 He is more and more. - crazy running the streets.
11:46 He is just doing his own thing, he got married and
11:50 I think he only got married, well I shouldn't say that.
11:54 He needed a place to stay and he knows I'm not going to
11:58 let his girlfriend come and stay with me so he married
12:01 her so they could have a place to stay I think.
12:04 I loved every minute of having them and I let his older
12:07 brother stay with me when he first got married so it's
12:10 a tit-for-tat you did for him you had to do for me.
12:14 He had got shot in 2000, I got a call at 2000 that
12:17 he was shot, it was New Year's.
12:19 I was in Stockton visiting and was still in Oakland
12:22 then the thought came to me oh God not now, not like this.
12:26 So I got back there and it was a wake-up call for him
12:29 and it should've been.
12:30 But actually was a wake-up call for me.
12:32 So during just kind of a party, how did he get shot?
12:37 Up on the street, they call it up on the street, there is
12:42 a strip in Oakland were a lot of the guys hang out,
12:44 they sell drugs, they party, there is women up there and
12:47 stuff and he loved that strip, he was the man up there.
12:52 They loved him and he got shot, they shot him in the
12:56 back and as a result of that shot they had to cut off
12:59 part of his intestines and stitched them up and stuff.
13:04 He was good, he survived that but he realized that we
13:07 were going to take care of it that somebody was
13:08 trying to kill him.
13:09 I told him the devil is trying to kill you Boyd, he is.
13:13 You don't have to die, you can change
13:16 you don't have to be like this.
13:17 He cried about it but he didn't change,
13:20 he did not change.
13:21 So in 2005 when I got a call that he had been shot in the
13:27 head, well that really sent me a loop, it was a nightmare.
13:33 I called by Pastor and told them that I got the call
13:35 and was headed to emergency and have the church to pray.
13:38 I couldn't imagine, even when you said that
13:40 it is hard to even breathe.
13:42 Yeah, yeah because a shot is one thing but when
13:45 they tell me it was in his head he was like this has
13:48 got to be it, this has got to be it.
13:51 So I started praying and my sisters are so good,
13:54 there was two of them and they got, we had just went
13:56 to bed will be got the call, they got up and took me
13:59 to the hospital and it was eternity waiting
14:02 in that ER to see him.
14:03 Not knowing what he was going to look like, or whatever.
14:07 But God is so good because when we did get to see him
14:10 he was laying there just as peaceful, asleep, look like
14:13 he was just asleep, but he wasn't breathing on his own.
14:16 - machines breathing for him?
14:18 Yes he was on life supports and the doctors said
14:22 you can't talk to him because his brain
14:24 will swell with activity.
14:26 I was like know I have to talk to my son and
14:28 I have some things I've got to tell him.
14:30 So I was able to tell him that Jesus loved him and no
14:33 matter what he had done God would forgive him and that
14:36 I loved him. - it was like I know you can hear me.
14:39 - You can hear and God can hear you, you can't speak but
14:42 He can read your heart, just tell Him to forgive you
14:45 and ask Him to forgive you for your sins and He will
14:48 save you right here right where you are.
14:50 I love you and I'm not going no where I am right here.
14:54 So after I got through talking I went out and was back and
14:58 forth bringing people in an out they came to see him.
15:00 I did know he had so many girlfriends, oh my.
15:03 There were so many girls that came to see him.
15:06 God was right there with me the whole time and the
15:09 hardest thing was letting go when I finally realized
15:12 after four days this is not getting better.
15:14 The doctors said we need to take the life supports off.
15:19 I was Doctor please, but in that tragedy some good came
15:23 because my pastors wife said, have you ever thought
15:27 of donating his organs?
15:28 I said I hadn't thought of it, but he is perfectly
15:31 healthy I don't see why not.
15:33 So I got his wife and asked her about it and she said
15:36 yes it was fine with her, so we met the donor people and
15:39 we set that all up so someone got his kidneys, his heart.
15:43 They couldn't take as lungs because the life support stuff
15:45 have blown them up too much for being on life support.
15:48 There were three organs I can't remember the other.
15:51 I try to get his kidneys for a friend that was needed
15:54 a kidney but they didn't match.
15:55 It was just a hard journey but through it all the Lord was
16:00 there and when the chaplain came in to tell me that your
16:06 son is going to a better place and this and this.
16:08 That just gets me, that line and I guess my Adventism just
16:12 rose up in me right in that moment and I told them that
16:17 is not what my Bible tells me.
16:18 So I give her little Bible study right there.
16:22 I said he's going to rest until Jesus comes.
16:25 - and he needs the rest. - yeah.
16:28 - this boy has been running for a long time.
16:30 You know it even listening to you, just talking about
16:35 having to say goodbye, and having to let him go.
16:40 Did you sense the arms of God just holding you up?
16:45 Absolutely, oh absolutely, I mean I was a dishrag.
16:50 His wife fell out but God held me up,
16:55 she actually fell to the floor.
16:56 God's power, the power that He has, and I'm a big girl
17:03 but I could feel sitting in His lap, I could feel
17:07 like I was in His lap all the time.
17:09 When did it come to your mind what He told you years
17:11 before, when did that come back to your mind?
17:13 When they said the shot was in the head.
17:15 Then they came back for sure when the doctors said it was
17:18 time to let go, it was time to cut it off.
17:21 You remembered at that moment when you watched
17:23 him as a baby.
17:24 My girlfriend came to my house I told hear how to do
17:29 a funeral for my son, I know she was just good to me,
17:32 all my friends and this is the glory of having a church
17:36 family, of being a part of somebody who loves you even
17:39 though all the years of my rebellion my church family
17:42 was praying for me, my mother, my parents, my sisters,
17:45 people at the church school that I finally got to go
17:48 to and wash dishes and all that.
17:50 Prayers were for me to come to the Lord and to give my
17:53 heart to the Lord, all my old professors.
17:55 When my son died everybody, I had like three church
18:00 support come to be with me, I got money from everywhere
18:04 and I was able to go to Wildwood and just take a breather.
18:08 I wanted some grief counseling and God is so good, they
18:12 don't offer that at Wildwood and I didn't know that but
18:16 the minister who stayed next door to me and grief
18:18 counseling so we were able to get the counseling every day.
18:22 He, I and his wife and I would walk every day and he just
18:25 let me talk, and talk and that's what you need to do
18:28 when you lose somebody is to talk about it.
18:30 Because you have to remember that every single time
18:33 they laughed, every time you held them - pictures go
18:36 take pictures if you got kids take pictures.
18:39 I'm so thankful for the pictures I have,
18:42 That I have precious memories of my son.
18:45 The one thing I want to tell you guys about him and
18:49 God is so good how He worked things out.
18:52 Before he died he called Monday mooches griseous and so
18:56 he called me on my job I said mama needs some mooches
18:59 griseous because I put my clothes in the cleaners and
19:02 they said they're going to sell them if
19:03 I don't get them out.
19:04 I said how much do you need, $50, $50 you know and
19:07 I was really mad at him but I told him to come by the
19:11 house I would give it to him.
19:12 He did and his friend brought him by the house when I got
19:14 home from work and I gave him the money and hugged him
19:16 and told him I loved him and everything.
19:18 He thanked me and he left and they were parked underneath
19:21 the driveway and I could see them out of my window.
19:23 So I went to the window and hit the window when he was
19:26 getting into the car and I said I love you and he said
19:28 I love you too, that was the last time ever saw him,
19:31 or spoke to him.
19:33 The clothes I paid for the cleaners was the clothes I was
19:36 able to bury him in so God works all of that out for me.
19:41 His friends paid for the program, everything, I didn't
19:45 have to pay for nothing and the victims of violent crimes
19:49 helped me with the burial part of it all.
19:51 God's hand, when the Spirit said you have got to do the
19:55 eulogy I thought oh no. I felt like Moses.
19:58 - I can't do this, I can even speak.
20:01 If you want me to do a God You will have to help me do it.
20:04 I start write down things because I would walk every
20:06 morning and my sister was like you are going to walk
20:08 yourself to death but that is how I handled the pain.
20:10 I asked my preacher, I said Lord if you really want me to
20:13 do this when I tell my preacher this is what
20:15 to do and he's going to say okay.
20:16 So I called him and I told him he said I never heard of
20:20 it before, but yeah you can do it.
20:23 So then I knew that I was on for it.
20:25 God sustained me through it all, I was able to talk to
20:28 these young men who were ready to go out and kill the
20:32 person that killed my son and calmed their anger.
20:35 Because the word of God tells us if we harbor anger in
20:38 our hearts He will not hear our prayers.
20:41 We are praying to get through a time that was very difficult
20:44 so we can't have it, vengeance is the Lord's not ours.
20:47 I was in the Bible and finding the Scriptures all through
20:51 the week trying to get ready for that.
20:53 - speaking to these boys? - speaking to the young men
20:56 and to his children, it is very hard to tell his children
20:59 that he had died, but since then I've been able to take
21:02 them to counseling to get them some help with what
21:05 they have to deal with.
21:06 How old were they at that time? Let's see, 8, 9 and 11.
21:12 The baby was not one yet, she hadn't turned one yet.
21:18 But God is good, He carried me through it all and
21:24 He carries me today and I am thankful for how He prepares
21:28 you for, thank you so much, He prepares you for what
21:32 He has in store for you. He knew this day was coming.
21:35 He knew I would need Him to see me through.
21:38 He is faithful through all the jealousy, the envy,
21:42 the pride, all that just got ssssssssssuuuuuuuuu.
21:45 I'm Lord I'm yours now, however way You want it to go.
21:49 Coming here and being able to speak from the heart of
21:52 what God can do, how He can transform you.
21:54 How His love is everlasting it transcends all pain,
21:59 all bitterness, what ever it fills up every hole that
22:04 your heart has. Anything, God is just always available
22:08 and you don't have to wait on Him, all you have to do
22:11 it is recognize that He is there, that He is always
22:15 there for you because He is faithful and I just love Him.
22:18 I appreciate this opportunity to talk about
22:21 the goodness of God.
22:23 - and how cool your son was, do you know what I mean.
22:26 Being able to remember him in that.
22:28 There was a time that you were speaking, and I know you
22:32 know this but I would like to say this out loud.
22:35 In our rebellion, and in our acting out God never wants
22:40 any of that for any of our families.
22:43 He never wanted your son to experience one day of the life
22:47 that he chose, and yet God says I know it's going to go
22:50 this direction and I will hold you up.
22:52 But in the perfect will of God is not for any of us to
22:55 experience that. - right in a lot of my friends were
22:59 like where is God in all this?
23:01 Why does He allow all this to happen?
23:02 It's like, God doesn't make bad things happen to us.
23:08 We make choices that cause bad things to happen to us.
23:12 As much as I love my son, and as much as I wish all this
23:17 hadn't happened, I am so thankful that I had the
23:21 opportunity not only to have him and to love him and to
23:26 share a little bit of the love of God I knew even though
23:29 it was all twisted back in the day when I was raising
23:33 him, and still I was able to share that with him to the
23:35 point where I got the phone call a month before he died.
23:39 He said mom out what you to know I'm going to be all
23:42 right, the best thing you ever did for me was to tell
23:45 me about Jesus and I want you to know I'm going
23:47 to be all right.
23:49 That was out of the blue phone call and I don't know
23:52 where it came from but it made me so happy.
23:54 Then after this it was like thank you Jesus, it was like
23:58 thank you, God takes care of every little thing.
24:01 I got my last look at him, I got an assurance that
24:04 he knew God in some way, however he knew how.
24:07 And I had everything taken care of and God was right
24:11 there holding me the whole time.
24:12 You know how long ago has this been now?
24:15 It will be six years in April.
24:17 So six years and I'm sure some days it feels like it was
24:21 a moment ago? - oh yeah and now this is a crucial time
24:25 for me from March leading into the anniversary and
24:29 Mother's Day happens, then his birthday happens and
24:33 it is back to back to back.
24:34 Usually I have a very difficult time, I'm a obsessive
24:40 eater and I want to eat up everything so I have to ask
24:44 God please help me because He has shown me a better way to
24:48 live now, I had eaten my way to insanity to deal with the death.
24:54 So I have lost 100 pounds just in the last year.
24:57 So I want to, we don't have a lot of time but I want to
25:00 go into some of the some things that God has really
25:04 through all of this in holding you, He's teaching you
25:08 another way to even deal with your pain? Because
25:11 I know you just went on a fast that was ridiculous,
25:13 and God led to spiritual growth and a fast.
25:18 So talk about the eating and how you use to handle it
25:23 and how God is opening up a different way at this point.
25:29 Well, when I went to Weimer because after I got laid off
25:35 of work - and Weimer for people who don't know is a
25:38 health education Center - a health Institute,
25:39 a lifestyle Institute in California.
25:41 In my bulletin at church they had an advertisement about
25:46 reversing diabetes and obesity.
25:48 I have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes because I had
25:51 worked myself to death in my lifestyle had made me sick.
25:54 When I went there they told me that we could reverse that
25:57 if we would just change your way of eating and
26:00 did some exercise and trusted in God, we could make
26:05 change in our health.
26:06 So I started doing it and they taught you how
26:09 to cook and everything.
26:10 I came home and told my sisters we can't have any more
26:13 olive oil, we can have any of these things we used to have
26:16 and she was like what? If you say so I am with you.
26:21 I just praise God for her, for my sisters because they
26:23 have been such a support to me in every change in my life.
26:26 - I met them, they are amazing and
26:27 I'm just wanting to say hi.
26:29 So I did I started making my own foods all whole foods.
26:32 I was listening to one of the guys today on the set.
26:36 - and it does increase your connection with God,
26:40 your prayer life.
26:41 Because you have to pray to do it, I mean it's not
26:44 a natural thing to throw down all the good stuff
26:47 that is killing you.
26:48 You've been eating it I mean mom gave you candy to
26:51 pacify you when you were a baby so you want this junk.
26:54 But with the help of God I was able to turn that around
26:57 and to start eating whole foods and my diabetes is in check,
27:01 my sugar is great, I've just got a call since I was here,
27:05 and my A1C is 5.8 which is excellent and my cholesterol is
27:09 down and my weight is down and my blood pressure is good and
27:13 I don't have to take medication and that is the thing.
27:15 I did not want medication and that is what made
27:17 me make the radical change.
27:18 Diabetes scares me, I want my legs, I don't want my feet
27:22 cut off or legs cut off, I don't want dialysis or none of
27:25 that so I said Lord if You help me, and God has shown me
27:28 and I have been able to go in minister to other people
27:31 and help them to make lifestyles changes.
27:33 Not only with grief, not only with rebellion, not only
27:37 with dominant stuff, but with you diet, health, with your
27:40 prayer life, you just did a 30 day fast
27:42 - yes and that was beautiful.
27:44 What is really interesting is I got through your friend
27:49 Joanie got to watch you guys praying and connect with God
27:53 and really get into a great place during that fast.
27:56 You almost made me want to miss a meal.
27:59 Almost, almost persuaded.
28:03 But when I listen to you Palischer and how God has
28:08 really, even through your rebellion, prepared you for the
28:12 tragedy that you are going to have to deal with in your life.
28:15 When the Bible says I plan evil for no one, God did not
28:19 plan those tragedies, He just foresaw them for you and
28:22 said I know I am going to hold you through this.
28:26 Now I watch you not only dealing with all of your core
28:31 issues but walking through your grandchildren and helping them.
28:33 The other night sitting outside and talking to your
28:37 daughter in law in the car, let's work through this stuff.
28:40 Continuously saying it stops here.
28:44 And I think the biggest thing that I want to leave with
28:48 people is the Bible says, I can't remember the text,
28:51 I tell you these things before they happen so when
28:54 they happen you will believe, and I had read that text
28:57 a lot of times.
28:59 I really didn't know what it meant, but I realized after
29:02 my son died, He tells you things before they happen so
29:06 you will believe it Him because He knows everything and
29:09 He has everything in His control and that has
29:12 strengthened my spiritual walk 10,000.
29:15 I believe so much in God, I know that He is real because
29:18 He has walked and talked with me and He told me before
29:21 hand so that I would believe.
29:23 I'm stubborn and He knows me, that's stubborn little person
29:28 so if I tell her up front and stay with her at all through
29:32 it when it happens she's going to believe I am real.
29:34 And I do believe He is real because He is.
29:37 And He told you so gently. -Yes - I know this is going to
29:41 break your heart, this is going to be something you feel
29:46 like you will never ever make it through.
29:48 But we'll get through, not only will we get through, you
29:54 and I just got to speak at pray conference and every hour
29:59 there was another speaker and the hour that you spoke
30:04 I just felt like the Holy Spirit just spoke right through
30:10 you and you ministered to us in such an incredible
30:13 compassionate way, because of the compassion God has had in
30:17 your life. I just feel like you just passed that on to us.
30:21 Well that is our job, that's our job as Christians to share
30:25 with people what God has done for us.
30:27 There is nothing else to share but kept His goodness,
30:29 we have no goodness in ourselves
30:31 He loves us, He loves us unconditionally and
30:34 that is a beautiful thing.
30:35 I want to say thank you for being on the program, but more
30:38 than that I want to say thank you for being in my heart.
30:41 You know what I mean, because I think that
30:44 we are now a part of each other's lives.
30:46 My heart still breaks for what happened to your son,
30:51 the choices that he made that took him on that journey.
30:56 I feel joy the same as you knowing that he knew God
31:00 and that on that resurrection day he's going to be going
31:05 mom I can't believe it, I'm here.
31:08 I'm here because you fought for us to come back.
31:12 I'm here because of that.
31:14 Stay with us we will be right back and I would like to
31:18 close out with some things that Palischer brought out
31:22 in her story and maybe some things you and I are going to
31:26 look at as far as to get into our healing because the
31:30 biggest thing is that God delights in turning that tide
31:34 so that no one has to bury a loved one.
31:37 No one has to be buried themselves.
31:40 So we will be right back. Stay with us!