Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Marcia Armstead
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00086A
00:10 Today we are talking about rebellion, come
00:12 and join us Celebrating Life In Recovery.
00:43 Welcome, so you know today I'm love this topic
00:45 because I think out of every thing this was one of my huge
00:51 blind spots, I knew I had rejection issues.
00:54 I knew I had things that I dealt with like sadness,
00:59 molest, abuse stuff but if you asked me if I was defiant
01:03 or rebellious I would have said not at all.
01:06 I'm telling you I have it horribly.
01:10 We are covering the fourth step, and we are covering
01:13 looking at our blind spots, looking at things
01:16 we really have to deal with when we are in recovery,
01:18 what are those things?
01:20 I'm going to read some things about rebellion and see if
01:22 you see yourself in this, because if you see yourself
01:25 in this get some help because everybody around
01:29 you will want you to get help with this.
01:31 So defiant rebellious, 1. What does it look like?
01:38 When defiance controls your heart, you react every single
01:46 time when somebody tries to control you,
01:48 and I don't care where it is.
01:49 If somebody says Hon can you take out the garbage?
01:52 You'll say well you take out the garbage.
01:56 It is that kind of thing, it is the simplest request
02:00 will be responded to in a way that somehow you feel
02:05 that somebody may be is just trying to get at you.
02:09 So the defiant heart is always going to respond that way.
02:13 Simple requests are viewed as someone trying to control
02:17 them, and I wish I could use all kinds of examples and
02:20 I wish I could say if you are watching this and you have
02:23 the defiant heart or rebellious heart raise your hand
02:26 because we would have hands up all over the place.
02:28 One of the things, any simple thing if somebody comes up to
02:33 you and just says can you move your car because you're too
02:37 close to mine in the parking space or whatever that
02:39 becomes a big deal.
02:40 So somebody with a rebellious heart is most things become
02:44 a big deal, simple requests are really hard to hear.
02:46 They are always finding a way to avoid doing
02:50 what they are told.
02:51 Come on, does anybody feel like that?
02:54 Somebody tells you to do some thing and is like you tried to
02:57 get around it, or you think I'll get to that and low
03:02 and behold you do everything but that.
03:05 I'm really amazed at how much of that
03:08 I had without even realizing it.
03:10 They defy anybody in authority including parents, law
03:14 enforcement, employers, coaches, anybody that comes up
03:18 with the kind of sense I need you to do this, or I'm
03:21 telling you to do this type of thing always brings up
03:24 that little rebel that says what?
03:29 I have that rebel and there are sometimes I think how
03:34 funny are you is that I have that rebel and I can now
03:38 sense when she jumps up to try to take over.
03:42 They are defensive, angry and if you are around someone
03:46 it may not be you and maybe somebody you know that when
03:49 you talk with them or deal with them that you get that
03:52 sense of defiance when they come up and had that anger
03:56 that is underlying in different areas.
03:59 A lot of times they are unsympathetic, and I have some
04:04 body that I'm thinking about in my mind.
04:05 You could come in with your leg cut off and they will
04:09 look at you and say it's not that bad.
04:11 What are you talking about?
04:12 So they just have that first reaction is that they don't
04:16 have a lot of sympathy for people because they have
04:20 really locked down with this rebellion.
04:23 They are somewhat domineering and somebody said what
04:27 causes that? There are causes to some of our damage and
04:31 I will go into a little bit of what causes this defiance
04:35 locked part of you.
04:38 One is Christian parents that are very strict, very strict
04:42 and they tend to have a lot of rules in their house.
04:45 They are a rule based will cause someone to
04:47 lock down in defiance.
04:48 Another one like in my household, in my household
04:51 we had no Christians, but we had people in our household,
04:56 especially my mom that really didn't like, was really
05:01 angry at God, I mean really angry at God.
05:03 Some damage had happened to her early on and she didn't
05:06 want to have anything religious in the house.
05:08 If somebody was religious on television there was always
05:12 slams about that and so I learned very early on to be
05:16 to back away from authority or have questions with authority.
05:20 They were both into drugs, my mom, my dad and my stepdad were
05:25 alcoholics and smoking weed so everything was they were
05:29 going around the law and that type of stuff.
05:32 Kids in those kinds of environments really grow up to
05:35 be somewhat defiant and I rebellious just because that
05:38 is the home situation.
05:39 So controlling is really a big deal.
05:43 What is really interesting and what I wanted to cover on
05:46 this program before we get into the interview is what
05:49 are the consequences of this kind of life?
05:51 The consequences is they turn the defiance and rebellion from
05:57 one person to the next, like I may start out, I'm
06:00 defiant against my parents while growing up.
06:03 I start ditching school I start sneaking out at night or
06:06 start drinking or using drugs or whatever, but pretty
06:09 soon I'm defiant against my boyfriend and next I'm defiant
06:13 against my husband and next I'm defiant against my job.
06:16 So it is like that, it follows that thread and
06:18 it follows us around.
06:19 No matter what our addictions are, no matter what our
06:22 stuff is that underlying stuff stays there.
06:25 If I get into recovery and I don't deal with that,
06:29 I get into recovery and deal with whatever the addiction
06:31 is, say I'm a heroine addict in recovery.
06:34 So I got into my recovery and I dealt with a heroine but
06:37 as soon as I stopped, as soon as I got cleaned up that
06:41 defiance just jumped right up.
06:44 I joke about watching the offering plate go by in the
06:48 church I was going to.
06:50 I'm in church for 5 years and every time the
06:53 offering plate came by I wanted to steal everything.
06:57 I thought I needed the money, I should have that.
07:00 So even in my rebellious and my defiance and all that
07:04 stuff would pop up.
07:06 My husband would tell me something like something I
07:09 didn't know, I would be going like you think I'm stupid?
07:13 I know that I can do that and it would always come up.
07:18 Our defiance or our stuff, even outside of our addictions
07:22 still comes up and if I'm going to do recovery I'm
07:25 going to stop the addiction, stop the drugs and
07:28 stop sexually acting out.
07:29 I'm going to stop gambling and all that stuff but if
07:33 I have this underlying thing man, my life is going to be
07:36 miserable still and the people I love are going to be
07:40 miserable still so God wants to actually step in and go
07:43 to the underlying thing.
07:44 And when He does I am telling you, you get your life back.
07:49 And the people around to get to really see your heart
07:52 and who you are, there is something that happens when
07:56 I finally say to God okay, I surrender even this.
08:00 I'm sorry, I don't know how to get rid of this anger or
08:04 this rebellion or this defiance I'm done, please help me.
08:09 And you know all of heaven says I will, I so will.
08:12 There is another thing in marriages, in marriages it
08:16 tears relationships up, it's really difficult for somebody
08:20 that's really lost in rebellion, lost in this defiance to ever
08:25 fully love the people around them.
08:27 If you're there, I'm sorry to say this out loud but
08:32 we can love at may be, if I'm exaggerating, maybe 30%.
08:36 So 70% of us stays wrapped up in all this stuff and 30%
08:40 of us can reach out to the people around us and it was
08:44 never meant to be that, the people around you need 100%.
08:47 Now that I can love 100%, I really realize the gift
08:51 and I don't want to sound vain, but the gift that I have
08:54 to offer the people I love is really a gift for me to be in a
08:58 relationship with them and them to be in relationship with me.
09:02 But if I am locked in all the stuff everybody loses.
09:05 So this defiance and rebellious heart is really some healing
09:13 that is happening that is unbelievable.
09:15 If you are locked in that, one of the things that the four
09:19 step does, is as you start to process, however you decide to
09:23 process the fourth step and we have talked about it on various
09:27 programs different ways you can process it.
09:29 However you decide to process it, being able to bring
09:33 that God, to bring that to the Holy Spirit and say
09:36 you know what I'm stuck, I'm stuck.
09:40 I know that I'm angry all the time, I know I'm a defiant,
09:43 I know I have this rebellious streak in me and I am stuck.
09:47 And do you know who is not stuck is God, He knows exactly
09:51 who you are and He knows exactly when that rebellion came
09:55 into your life, He knows exactly the moment that it all
09:58 started and He knows exactly how to bring you out.
10:02 What is amazing to me is that He is so gentle with us.
10:05 You know the people that we love just slap us
10:07 around, stop being so angry, stop being so defensive.
10:11 But God just says I won't slap you at all, but I will
10:14 bring you to a place where you can let this go.
10:16 When you let this go I will teach you to live in the world
10:19 without being so defiant, without being so rebellious.
10:22 It is amazing.
10:25 We are going to meet Marcia when we come back and talk
10:27 about this with her and how it looked in her life.
10:32 When the devil gets into your life in that defiant
10:35 rebellious thing it can take years to come out.
10:38 You are going to be surprised at how she did it.
10:41 Stay with us we will be right back.