Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Marcia Armstead
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00086A
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00:10 Today we are talking about rebellion, come
00:12 and join us Celebrating Life In Recovery. 00:43 Welcome, so you know today I'm love this topic 00:45 because I think out of every thing this was one of my huge 00:51 blind spots, I knew I had rejection issues. 00:54 I knew I had things that I dealt with like sadness, 00:59 molest, abuse stuff but if you asked me if I was defiant 01:03 or rebellious I would have said not at all. 01:06 I'm telling you I have it horribly. 01:10 We are covering the fourth step, and we are covering 01:13 looking at our blind spots, looking at things 01:16 we really have to deal with when we are in recovery, 01:18 what are those things? 01:20 I'm going to read some things about rebellion and see if 01:22 you see yourself in this, because if you see yourself 01:25 in this get some help because everybody around 01:29 you will want you to get help with this. 01:31 So defiant rebellious, 1. What does it look like? 01:38 When defiance controls your heart, you react every single 01:46 time when somebody tries to control you, 01:48 and I don't care where it is. 01:49 If somebody says Hon can you take out the garbage? 01:52 You'll say well you take out the garbage. 01:56 It is that kind of thing, it is the simplest request 02:00 will be responded to in a way that somehow you feel 02:05 that somebody may be is just trying to get at you. 02:09 So the defiant heart is always going to respond that way. 02:13 Simple requests are viewed as someone trying to control 02:17 them, and I wish I could use all kinds of examples and 02:20 I wish I could say if you are watching this and you have 02:23 the defiant heart or rebellious heart raise your hand 02:26 because we would have hands up all over the place. 02:28 One of the things, any simple thing if somebody comes up to 02:33 you and just says can you move your car because you're too 02:37 close to mine in the parking space or whatever that 02:39 becomes a big deal. 02:40 So somebody with a rebellious heart is most things become 02:44 a big deal, simple requests are really hard to hear. 02:46 They are always finding a way to avoid doing 02:50 what they are told. 02:51 Come on, does anybody feel like that? 02:54 Somebody tells you to do some thing and is like you tried to 02:57 get around it, or you think I'll get to that and low 03:02 and behold you do everything but that. 03:05 I'm really amazed at how much of that 03:08 I had without even realizing it. 03:10 They defy anybody in authority including parents, law 03:14 enforcement, employers, coaches, anybody that comes up 03:18 with the kind of sense I need you to do this, or I'm 03:21 telling you to do this type of thing always brings up 03:24 that little rebel that says what? 03:29 I have that rebel and there are sometimes I think how 03:34 funny are you is that I have that rebel and I can now 03:38 sense when she jumps up to try to take over. 03:42 They are defensive, angry and if you are around someone 03:46 it may not be you and maybe somebody you know that when 03:49 you talk with them or deal with them that you get that 03:52 sense of defiance when they come up and had that anger 03:56 that is underlying in different areas. 03:59 A lot of times they are unsympathetic, and I have some 04:04 body that I'm thinking about in my mind. 04:05 You could come in with your leg cut off and they will 04:09 look at you and say it's not that bad. 04:11 What are you talking about? 04:12 So they just have that first reaction is that they don't 04:16 have a lot of sympathy for people because they have 04:20 really locked down with this rebellion. 04:23 They are somewhat domineering and somebody said what 04:27 causes that? There are causes to some of our damage and 04:31 I will go into a little bit of what causes this defiance 04:35 locked part of you. 04:38 One is Christian parents that are very strict, very strict 04:42 and they tend to have a lot of rules in their house. 04:45 They are a rule based will cause someone to 04:47 lock down in defiance. 04:48 Another one like in my household, in my household 04:51 we had no Christians, but we had people in our household, 04:56 especially my mom that really didn't like, was really 05:01 angry at God, I mean really angry at God. 05:03 Some damage had happened to her early on and she didn't 05:06 want to have anything religious in the house. 05:08 If somebody was religious on television there was always 05:12 slams about that and so I learned very early on to be 05:16 to back away from authority or have questions with authority. 05:20 They were both into drugs, my mom, my dad and my stepdad were 05:25 alcoholics and smoking weed so everything was they were 05:29 going around the law and that type of stuff. 05:32 Kids in those kinds of environments really grow up to 05:35 be somewhat defiant and I rebellious just because that 05:38 is the home situation. 05:39 So controlling is really a big deal. 05:43 What is really interesting and what I wanted to cover on 05:46 this program before we get into the interview is what 05:49 are the consequences of this kind of life? 05:51 The consequences is they turn the defiance and rebellion from 05:57 one person to the next, like I may start out, I'm 06:00 defiant against my parents while growing up. 06:03 I start ditching school I start sneaking out at night or 06:06 start drinking or using drugs or whatever, but pretty 06:09 soon I'm defiant against my boyfriend and next I'm defiant 06:13 against my husband and next I'm defiant against my job. 06:16 So it is like that, it follows that thread and 06:18 it follows us around. 06:19 No matter what our addictions are, no matter what our 06:22 stuff is that underlying stuff stays there. 06:25 If I get into recovery and I don't deal with that, 06:29 I get into recovery and deal with whatever the addiction 06:31 is, say I'm a heroine addict in recovery. 06:34 So I got into my recovery and I dealt with a heroine but 06:37 as soon as I stopped, as soon as I got cleaned up that 06:41 defiance just jumped right up. 06:44 I joke about watching the offering plate go by in the 06:48 church I was going to. 06:50 I'm in church for 5 years and every time the 06:53 offering plate came by I wanted to steal everything. 06:57 I thought I needed the money, I should have that. 07:00 So even in my rebellious and my defiance and all that 07:04 stuff would pop up. 07:06 My husband would tell me something like something I 07:09 didn't know, I would be going like you think I'm stupid? 07:13 I know that I can do that and it would always come up. 07:18 Our defiance or our stuff, even outside of our addictions 07:22 still comes up and if I'm going to do recovery I'm 07:25 going to stop the addiction, stop the drugs and 07:28 stop sexually acting out. 07:29 I'm going to stop gambling and all that stuff but if 07:33 I have this underlying thing man, my life is going to be 07:36 miserable still and the people I love are going to be 07:40 miserable still so God wants to actually step in and go 07:43 to the underlying thing. 07:44 And when He does I am telling you, you get your life back. 07:49 And the people around to get to really see your heart 07:52 and who you are, there is something that happens when 07:56 I finally say to God okay, I surrender even this. 08:00 I'm sorry, I don't know how to get rid of this anger or 08:04 this rebellion or this defiance I'm done, please help me. 08:09 And you know all of heaven says I will, I so will. 08:12 There is another thing in marriages, in marriages it 08:16 tears relationships up, it's really difficult for somebody 08:20 that's really lost in rebellion, lost in this defiance to ever 08:25 fully love the people around them. 08:27 If you're there, I'm sorry to say this out loud but 08:32 we can love at may be, if I'm exaggerating, maybe 30%. 08:36 So 70% of us stays wrapped up in all this stuff and 30% 08:40 of us can reach out to the people around us and it was 08:44 never meant to be that, the people around you need 100%. 08:47 Now that I can love 100%, I really realize the gift 08:51 and I don't want to sound vain, but the gift that I have 08:54 to offer the people I love is really a gift for me to be in a 08:58 relationship with them and them to be in relationship with me. 09:02 But if I am locked in all the stuff everybody loses. 09:05 So this defiance and rebellious heart is really some healing 09:13 that is happening that is unbelievable. 09:15 If you are locked in that, one of the things that the four 09:19 step does, is as you start to process, however you decide to 09:23 process the fourth step and we have talked about it on various 09:27 programs different ways you can process it. 09:29 However you decide to process it, being able to bring 09:33 that God, to bring that to the Holy Spirit and say 09:36 you know what I'm stuck, I'm stuck. 09:40 I know that I'm angry all the time, I know I'm a defiant, 09:43 I know I have this rebellious streak in me and I am stuck. 09:47 And do you know who is not stuck is God, He knows exactly 09:51 who you are and He knows exactly when that rebellion came 09:55 into your life, He knows exactly the moment that it all 09:58 started and He knows exactly how to bring you out. 10:02 What is amazing to me is that He is so gentle with us. 10:05 You know the people that we love just slap us 10:07 around, stop being so angry, stop being so defensive. 10:11 But God just says I won't slap you at all, but I will 10:14 bring you to a place where you can let this go. 10:16 When you let this go I will teach you to live in the world 10:19 without being so defiant, without being so rebellious. 10:22 It is amazing. 10:25 We are going to meet Marcia when we come back and talk 10:27 about this with her and how it looked in her life. 10:32 When the devil gets into your life in that defiant 10:35 rebellious thing it can take years to come out. 10:38 You are going to be surprised at how she did it. 10:41 Stay with us we will be right back. |
Revised 2014-12-17