Celebrating Life in Recovery

Mother's Death/Daughter's Love

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Bobbie Hartman, Tammy Hartman, Haylee Staton


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR00085A

00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life In Recovery
00:12 I'm Cheri your host.
00:13 Has anyone ever said to you Heh buddy, what's your problem?
00:17 Well today that is what we are going to talk about
00:19 is what is your problem and is there anyway you can get
00:22 out from underneath it and walk away?
00:24 Come join us in the café today.
00:54 Welcome, this is a really interesting thing when we talk
00:57 about that if somebody ever came up to you and said to you
01:00 Buddy do you have a problem?
01:02 Most of us don't see our core issues.
01:05 It's really interesting that I can see my major issues
01:09 I can see the issues like I'm a heroine addict, and I was.
01:12 I can see issues if I have anger, or pride, or any of
01:16 that. We can probably see some of those clearly if I'm
01:21 always in someone's face and had that aggression and
01:25 that kind of stuff.
01:26 Some of us, if you can't we will work on that through
01:30 this whole next season.
01:32 But in the stuff we are looking at step four in the
01:35 recovery journey, and in step for it says I'm going to
01:39 take a fearless in the inventory on all my stuff.
01:42 Who I am and what things I actually have to work on.
01:46 I have said this before on the program, I was a heroine
01:49 addict for 10 years, homeless and all that and when
01:52 I got into recovery I had no idea what my issues are.
01:56 Somebody said oh just stop using heroin and I did and
01:59 I was crazy, literally crazy.
02:02 So in taking an inventory we are looking at this one thing.
02:06 I'm going to explain that for most of us we have
02:09 blind spots, areas in our personality, in our character,
02:12 we don't even see.
02:14 Somebody can come up and say, like they did with me when
02:17 I had gotten counseling early on at one point in the
02:20 psychiatrist looked at me, and he was really serious.
02:24 He said, Cheri have you ever looked at any of your anger
02:28 issues? And I said I just don't think I have any.
02:31 He goes oh man, and I remember him just looking at me like
02:36 she is in such denial it is crazy.
02:39 So what we call those in ministry is blind spots.
02:46 We have these blind spots and I will explain in a way that
02:49 might make it a little bit easier to hear.
02:51 Have you ever gone on a journey.
02:54 I'm going to take my car and drive across country and
02:58 I am a fairly good driver.
03:00 But if I'm going to get into the car and drive cross
03:02 country I'm going to really look at other drivers because
03:07 I don't know about you but sometimes there is crazy
03:09 people on the road.
03:11 All of a sudden you can be cut off, somebody going 90
03:13 miles an hour down the highway and I just want to pay
03:16 attention to them.
03:18 Or there will be someone drifting in and out of the lane
03:21 and it is late at night and I know there are probably
03:23 tired and so I'm going to look at them.
03:26 I'm going to look at my own fatigue, am I tired, do I need
03:30 to pull over for a while.
03:31 I'm going to look at any mechanical problems so that
03:33 when I am taking the trip I want to look at all that
03:35 stuff because all of that stuff matters.
03:37 Do I have oil? Do I have enough gas?
03:39 How's my transmission or whatever? How are my tires?
03:43 But there are things that I can't know.
03:47 Like if I'm driving down the road and I look into my side
03:51 window to change lanes, I can pretty much see everything
03:55 but there are blind spots in those mirrors. Right?
03:59 If somebody is in my blind spot I could change lanes
04:02 and push them right off the road and not even see it.
04:05 They could land up in a ditch and I was be still singing
04:08 the same song driving along.
04:09 In a psychological sense we have blind spots.
04:12 We have areas that we just don't see.
04:15 Sometimes we don't see them for years, but they will
04:18 always trip us up in our recovery.
04:20 So if you have blind spots, we are going to really look
04:24 at that this time around.
04:27 Man, if you get this you get your life back.
04:31 If you get this you'll get into recovery.
04:35 But some body says if they are blind spots how do
04:38 I get that? Ask someone, ask anybody you know.
04:41 If I walk up to my husband and say Brad, and my husband
04:45 is here on the set and he can tell you if I walked up to
04:48 him and said Brad, is there anything in my personality
04:52 that I may need to work on that I don't get?
04:55 First of all he looked stunned, like deer in the
04:58 headlights, like I'm not going to touch that one.
05:01 But if I tell him hon, I really want to know, and I
05:04 really want to work on this in recovery he may be
05:07 gentle enough with me and say, Cheri you really are
05:10 hypersensitive and you have rejection issues that
05:13 sometimes getting your way and maybe you would
05:16 like to look at that.
05:17 Or you lie too much, or you exaggerate too much.
05:20 He will show me some of those blind spots, and if I am
05:24 really true in my recovery I will look at them.
05:29 So those blind spots are always, like I said before,
05:33 will trip you up and I don't want you to trip up.
05:38 I don't want to trip up myself so I'm going to tell you
05:41 different ways and I will have different treatments
05:45 areas, different treatment centers, 12 step groups or
05:49 whatever that different people have looked at
05:51 these blind spots differently.
05:54 If I can say different a number of times, I will say it.
05:57 The first one we are going to look at is there is an
06:01 Oxford group that says what you are going to do is to
06:04 get a piece of paper and make four squares out of the paper
06:09 and look at love, is there any thing in this category in love
06:15 that you have done that has messed you up?
06:17 I'm talking about relationships obviously, but I'm also
06:22 talking about our sexuality and how we have acted
06:25 out in those ways.
06:26 The stuff that you list in that area, anything that has
06:29 tripped you up, the next one is honesty, and the
06:32 next one is resentment.
06:33 You have different areas and you start
06:34 listing everything out. So in the Oxford group
06:37 they believe that if I can look at what is wrong with me,
06:41 or what is obviously a character defect and start working
06:45 on those I can actually get some freedom.
06:48 And they are really effective, they really have a standard
06:52 they have a direction to go in to.
06:55 The 12th step groups, they look at a little bit
06:59 differently, they will tell you to write down or put in
07:01 four columns on a piece of paper.
07:03 The first column, and this I love, the first column write
07:08 out resentment, every single resentment you have.
07:11 Write out resentments you have with an institution.
07:14 Like if I was on the streets robbing places and shooting
07:19 heroine and living that lifestyle they may say I resent
07:23 law-enforcement, right? Because I may resent law-
07:27 enforcement or I may resent the government because I lost my
07:30 house. I may resent what ever.
07:33 List out institutions, people, anything you resent it in
07:38 your life and then look at the next column.
07:40 How that resentment has interfered with your life.
07:44 It has robbed me financially. I went to jail for 17 years.
07:50 I lost my house and I had to go on welfare.
07:55 Whatever it is you look at the resentment and how it has
07:58 affected you, how it affected your pocketbook, whether it
08:00 has affected your self-esteem, whether it has affected
08:03 your family and you look at different sections of how
08:06 I'm going to come out of those resentments and work myself
08:09 out of those resentments.
08:10 Really by turning it over to God, which is amazing.
08:13 Or turn it over to a higher power which a lot
08:16 of people talk about.
08:17 That's the 12 step and there is another one called the
08:22 12 traditions and in that when they really take it more
08:27 vague, I'm going to take a piece of paper, a blank piece
08:31 of paper and start writing questions to ask myself maybe
08:35 the question might be well with my background like?
08:40 What was my history like? What was it like in the
08:45 middle of my drugs?
08:46 What are the things I struggle with the most?
08:48 And I will answer those questions and in answering those
08:50 questions I'll start seeing theme being developed.
08:53 Things to work on and with that I'm literally going to,
08:58 it is a vague way to look at it but I will start getting
09:03 as I write the more I write I will start getting
09:06 a picture of what I am going to look at.
09:07 The next one is, let me think of what the next one is.
09:12 There are so many of them out there.
09:14 The next one is looking at the Hazleton approach, the
09:17 Hazelton approach is about the same thing is that I'm
09:21 going to write down my fears, I'm going to write down my
09:25 resentments and what makes me angry and all those things.
09:29 Write down some of those because sometimes we forget
09:31 about our fears and sometimes our fear looks like anger,
09:33 excuse me, but it's not its fear.
09:37 So we're going to look at all that and do it again in an open
09:42 ended thing or I will write almost a history.
09:46 What we use in our ministry, True Step Ministries,
09:49 it is a personal inventory sheet and the sheet looks at
09:55 bitterness, anger, rejection, pride, and those things that
10:02 are usually hidden from us.
10:04 When somebody says, when you walk up to someone and you
10:07 have pride issues but you don't know it, everybody in
10:11 the room knows that, but you don't know it.
10:14 So we look at those issues, where they come from, and how
10:18 you can walk out from underneath them.
10:21 When I walk out from underneath them I am free.
10:25 So in this season we are going to look at how to do
10:30 a fearless inventory of all your junk.
10:34 Not just look at it but to come out under from underneath
10:38 it and you can be free.
10:41 The people around me can be more honestly loved by me and
10:44 I can be loved by them.
10:45 Sometimes when we are locked down with these blind spots
10:49 we are locked down with pride issues or anger issues or
10:52 I am over sensitive I have rejection stuff.
10:54 I have rejection stuff and it pops up all the time, but
10:59 if we start looking at those and become free of them,
11:03 not only am I free to love the person in front of me but
11:06 they are free to actually love me back and I can receive
11:10 that and it is absolutely amazing.
11:11 There is another part of the 12 step that nobody really
11:14 tends to look at, a lot of people don't tend to look at.
11:17 But what are your good things?
11:19 Sometimes when I was on the streets for 10 years and
11:24 strung out, I didn't know I had any talents.
11:27 I didn't even know I had good stuff.
11:30 I didn't know I love to laugh, I love to love,
11:35 I love to be present for someone and to hang out
11:40 with people and all that stuff.
11:41 I love art, I love music I love all that stuff but in
11:45 my junk I didn't know any of that stuff.
11:48 So when doing personal inventories it is really nice to
11:51 look at your blind spots, look at the stuff that gets in
11:54 your way, but look at the stuff that may be you don't
11:57 know or know that you can do.
12:00 I'm telling you people that come in to recovery and
12:04 they are a mess and everybody on the planet knows that.
12:08 They are strung out sexually and I have just worked with
12:12 this guy that had been divorced five or six times.
12:14 His children don't talk to him anymore and he sat across
12:18 from us and had no idea that he had any problems.
12:23 He blamed it on everybody, but this guy is going through
12:26 all this stuff, all this wreckage, you talk about blind
12:30 spots in his traveling.
12:31 All this wreckage is behind him in cars and ditches the
12:34 fires all behind him, and probably an ambulance
12:37 everywhere but he has all the havoc that he has caused
12:40 and wreckage he has caused and he has no idea about his
12:44 blind spots but he also has no idea what his giftings are.
12:47 He had no idea what he has to offer the people around him.
12:51 I believe that every single one of us has incredible
12:54 things to offer the people around us that God has given
12:58 as gifts and talents that are unbelievable.
13:01 This season find out where your blind spots are which
13:04 it's tough, it's tough but then you find out what your
13:07 gifts are and that is amazing.
13:09 So stay with us we are going to talk about that stuff in
13:12 between all of this conversation for the season you are
13:15 going to meet some incredible folks.
13:17 We come back after break I'm going to introduce you to
13:20 some people that I met when I was traveling.
13:23 They have pretty much changed my life.


Revised 2014-12-17