Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), C.A. Murray
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00084B
00:14 You know Cheri I say this every season, seven seasons now.
00:18 It is true, it must sound like a broken record this may
00:22 be the strongest, the best yet. - I think so too.
00:25 And the most user friendly because it is going to force
00:28 individuals and encourage them to take a look at
00:31 themselves, not to look at just the recovery and celebrate
00:34 the recovery of those that they see on the screen, but to
00:37 also participate in that recovery by looking at their own
00:40 lives and maybe even finding some stuff they didn't know
00:43 was there in dealing with that.
00:45 Exactly, so we are talking, talking pride, anger,
00:48 rebellion, negative thinking, we're talking
00:53 about all that stuff.
00:54 I guess to, you got stuff, all God's children got stuff.
00:56 When I travel now people quote you saying that,
01:01 like C.A. says we all got stuff.
01:04 So this will help you and certainly encourage you to look
01:09 at your stuff and maybe secret stuff, any maybe stuff
01:14 you didn't know you had.
01:15 As you reflect on someone else's stuff you could say
01:18 I have a little bit of that and I need
01:20 to deal with that also.
01:22 With sex addictions, because they are so prevalent let's
01:24 just talk about those, it is obvious when somebody says
01:28 you know I am online porn and I am seeing prostitutes,
01:32 I'm sleeping around and having affairs,
01:34 what ever the sex addiction is.
01:35 For women having affairs or am lost in romance novels or
01:38 whatever day time soaps or whatever or however your
01:42 addiction shows itself.
01:44 There are studies saying that somebody with a sexual
01:47 addiction can connect with their spouse at about 3%.
01:51 So then you know we are disconnected from the people
01:55 around us and within if I get squeezed I am in
02:01 my addiction within a period of time.
02:04 Now if I get squeezed with disrespect, I'm angry,
02:07 the bills are due and I can't find the money for them
02:12 and I am squeezed, within a few hours I'm in my addiction
02:15 whether it's only in my head or if I am actually online.
02:19 So because of the addiction, the squeeze is what then
02:23 pushes me into it.
02:25 But if I take those things out of it, those stressors out
02:29 of it, the disrespect or rejection or low self-esteem or
02:32 whatever, if I start working on those and that is what the
02:36 inventory works on that I will not go into the addiction again.
02:39 So really is say a preventative thing.
02:41 I have to look at this and as I look at this, as I look
02:47 at what my underlying stuff is, then I start to reconnect
02:53 with the people I love.
02:54 I want to be with my spouse 100%.
02:57 I want to be in the relationships with friends that
03:00 I love 100%, not at 3%, I don't want to walk through
03:02 my life totally disconnected.
03:04 Somebody will say you know I can feel alone in the middle
03:08 of a crowd because we are so disconnected,
03:12 and our disconnect is our junk.
03:13 Your addiction is almost like the default setting on
03:18 your life, and the default setting sends you back into your
03:22 it's kind of twisted, kinky, self-indulgent.
03:26 Your default setting is separation, just falling into
03:31 your addiction and sort of circling around your
03:34 addiction to the exclusion of everything else.
03:37 Exactly, exactly at what is really fun in recovery is
03:41 that I feel free.
03:43 Do you know what I mean I feel free and I love my life.
03:46 I love my friendships and those things but I didn't
03:50 realize how many of these things were still hidden.
03:53 We are going to meet some more folks that were on the
03:56 program, there is a girl named Ashley out of Canada.
04:00 She has all kinds of stuff, but the overriding theme
04:03 in her life is that she has never felt good enough and
04:06 because of that whenever she doesn't feel good enough
04:09 she grabs an addiction.
04:10 She grabs something that medicates that feeling.
04:13 The moral inventory is let's deal with that why? The feeling!
04:19 Let's go on now Jennifer Jill she has a eating disorder
04:24 in her thing was to starve herself to death.
04:26 That is one thing I can do well and I'm going to do it.
04:29 A lot of people that I work with have eating disorders.
04:32 So we had Jennifer on.
04:34 Chris, she is now up a counselor but she was strung out on
04:39 meth and was facing federal charges for trafficking
04:43 and all that stuff.
04:44 You know when you are strung out on something that is
04:47 that obvious, it just says you need to stop doing meth
04:51 and my life would be together, she was crazier
04:53 than anything, so she had to deal with that.
04:55 So enjoy these clips because it's so amazing.
04:57 These folks are amazing.
04:59 I did it as a way to protect myself, as a way as to not
05:04 be hurt again and I had struggled for so many years to
05:10 lose weight, I'd always lose maybe 18 pounds
05:13 and no more than that.
05:14 I couldn't figure it out and I was so frustrated with it
05:19 and was so tired of being the fat friend, or the one
05:23 with the pretty face, or the one with the beautiful voice,
05:28 or the one that is good hockey, or the one that is
05:30 whatever it happened to be, the fun one.
05:34 I wanted to be beautiful like really beautiful.
05:37 Grass matted in my hair, mud all over, my face red with
05:41 crying, and I still remember the dress I had on and
05:45 every detail of the event.
05:47 So I went through that and that was a severe put on the
05:52 margin socially because of that I felt like an outcast
05:56 socially. So I don't have this real strong bond at home.
05:59 I don't have a relationship with my parents were I can go
06:02 home and see this awful thing happened to me, help me.
06:06 I had that with my kids so now I can make comparison and
06:09 say I wish I had that.
06:11 Because what you did was never talk about it to anyone.
06:14 There was a reason why, if you to your parents and they
06:18 do something about it then you get more attacked by the kids.
06:20 So there was a reason for that, but on the other hand if
06:23 the bond had been close enough I would have told them and
06:27 we would've worked together toward a solution. Exactly!
06:30 But I just did not tell my parents because I didn't want
06:33 them to say that my friends were bad, I really wanted
06:36 those kids like me and to accept me. Exactly!
06:39 There I walked in the door and there was a sign hanging,
06:43 he had hung the banner that was half hung under his feet
06:48 saying come home Chris.
06:50 He was passed out in a chair and had a bottle of
06:52 Jack Daniels in his hand.
06:53 He was like the burning bush for Moses was no more
06:57 prophetic than that was in was like God trying to tell
07:00 me run, get out, get out and instead I was too proud
07:04 to have to go back and tell my mom that she was right.
07:07 So what you said you just cleaned him up. - yeah.
07:12 Moved in and I was 16 at the time and I remember the
07:16 second night there he went out and bought a bottle of
07:20 wine for me and my stepmom because he was drinking again.
07:24 I remember sitting there and being really uncomfortable
07:27 thinking this isn't right but were doing it because
07:30 I don't know why, because we loved him.
07:33 It was these crazy mixed messages while I lived in that
07:38 household and he would once again, just all this sexualized
07:43 talk towards me and so I was dating a lot and had
07:49 no regard for my body.
07:51 I started, I became very promiscuous.
07:57 We are talking about addictions, we are not talking about
08:00 a person that is just addicted sugar or likes Oreos.
08:03 This is tough stuff when you have a meth habit and eating
08:05 disorders which are just a part of your body, whether you're
08:08 regurgitating or starving yourself or you can't stop
08:12 eating or which are the pendulum swings.
08:15 The idea that you just never feel good enough for anybody
08:18 and not even for yourself you just can't make the grade.
08:21 You know Ashley said to me when we first met, she lives in
08:25 little tiny town in Canada and when we first started
08:28 working together she said I feel lost.
08:31 I said how long, when was the first time you felt lost?
08:35 Can you imagine yourself as a kid? How old were you when
08:38 you started feeling that way? She said I don't know.
08:41 I said maybe you need to ask Jesus to help you find that
08:45 little kid, that lost little girl.
08:47 She started praying God I feel lost and I don't
08:51 know when I got lost, I don't know when
08:53 it all started falling apart.
08:54 So she all of a sudden comes to a moment where she was
08:59 molested by someone, you know someone in her family
09:04 and she said from that moment on she starting her eating
09:07 disorder and started gaining weight and started
09:09 withdrawing from folks.
09:10 She started to dress in baggy clothes and played hockey
09:15 so she could be more powerful and so we want to go down
09:20 to the point where she felt so violated and betrayed.
09:23 All this stuff comes from that, but if we are just
09:27 dealing with the stuff then we will never get to those
09:31 real core issues and healing is about those core issues.
09:34 The same with eating disorders with Jennifer.
09:36 She's talking about being bullied at school and then
09:41 she was violated, raped really by some girls on a
09:46 playground at school. So from that point on she has to
09:51 get control and control with eating is an easy thing to do
09:55 because you can't force someone to eat, you can't do
10:00 all that kind of stuff.
10:01 You know we just had the most incredible guests on.
10:05 And the next roll in I want to show you is that there is
10:10 a family that came on.
10:11 I had met this family, first I met Verna and Verna
10:15 is coming out of a gay lifestyle and all that and everybody
10:19 always talks about her sexuality.
10:21 It wasn't her sexuality that interests me, she has molest and
10:25 this dysfunction in her family and she has this anger that
10:29 came from that and she ended up in a same-sex
10:32 relationship, but that was a part of the whole picture it
10:36 wasn't the problem or the anything.
10:40 But what I fell in love with is that I then met her mom
10:44 who was praying the whole time, loving this girl the
10:47 whole time, and because of the early molest Verna was
10:51 angry at her mom and we'll get right in her face and be
10:55 really abusive and even during that time is women
10:58 prayed and that's who I wanted to interview and we will
11:00 meet that whole family and Lisa and her younger sister who had
11:02 jumped in the lifestyle too, crazy.
11:05 But this mom prayed through all of that.
11:07 Some kids from teen challenge I'm telling you I travel
11:14 and I speak in a lot of different places, but when I get
11:16 to speak with these kids that are sometimes 13 or 14 or
11:20 15 years old coming through these horrendous backgrounds.
11:24 One of the kids walks in and finds her dead and totally
11:28 flips out and get's so self abusive.
11:34 You know kids cut, their doing drugs and sleeping around
11:37 and people are judging the behavior of this girl walked
11:41 in and found her father dead with his drug overdose,
11:45 with asthma but with his drugs and all that stuff and
11:48 I just fell in love these kids.
11:51 And Linda they are just amazing group from the Teen Challenge
11:57 Organization so I want to introduce them to you but make
12:01 sure that you watch this next season because they will
12:06 win your heart, they definitely won mine.
12:10 If this is really what needs to happen, then You do it.
12:15 show be more evidence, show me what's next.
12:19 Maybe a couple weeks after I quit smoking He did show me
12:24 the next step and that was identifying with Mary Magdalene
12:28 through a You Tube video of a Heritage Singer song
12:33 We Are The Reason.
12:34 As I saw the clip a movie from the passion of the Christ
12:38 and Mary Magdalena on the ground looking up to Jesus
12:42 I just fell to my knees and a conviction laid on my heart.
12:49 The conviction was if Sunday my child, if Sunday is the
12:55 counterfeit to my Sabbath what would then be a
12:59 counterfeit to my creation?
13:01 It's an active of one, but it's also home and what we pray
13:06 for our house is it that even if the new student walks in and
13:10 their life is filled with chaos that they could feel
13:13 a piece of God.
13:15 Just to surround them and hey we have girls who have
13:18 moments, whether it be on their first day maybe to make
13:21 it through a couple of weeks and hop on a window at we're
13:24 having to go find them, hey it happens, that does happen
13:28 but at the same time I think it is only the Lord because
13:32 even when my heart breaks He just mends it back together.
13:35 Sometimes when you hear the stories of these young ladies
13:39 my heart is just broken for them.
13:40 Because their lives were in shambles, but to know when
13:45 somebody walks in and you have heard their story, and
13:48 many of our girls to come to us because their parents
13:51 place them with us in our program.
13:52 But to read your story on paper and to know the
13:56 brokenness and the chaos and watch them walk in,
14:00 the greatest part about my job is knowing that that is
14:03 not the girl I'm going to see leave Teen Challenge.
14:07 The first thing I saw was a sign I Believe In Miracles.
14:10 I didn't think that was going to happen to me and
14:13 I didn't believe miracles can happen in me because
14:15 I felt so hopeless.
14:17 Hopeless like my mom because she punishes me, she tried
14:21 so hard and I don't think this is going to work because
14:26 my mother has tried so many things.
14:28 You don't think you'd be able to change?
14:30 No because I think this is who I am.
14:31 They didn't know at the beginning I was doing it until
14:32 one time I was in my room and I was angry.
14:36 Most of the time they would just leave me alone and say
14:39 she is angry and not even going to the room.
14:41 And they stepped into my room and I was actually cutting
14:45 myself and they stepped in and took my arm and started
14:49 sticking pressure on it.
14:51 I just love them, I love them.
14:54 You know what I do get to speak at Teen Challenge I get to
14:57 work with these girls and I looked right at their face and
15:01 they are me, they are exactly where it was at it I didn't
15:04 have a program to go to.
15:06 Most of these girls come kicking and screaming.
15:08 They don't want to be there, I don't want treatment, what
15:11 do you mean you're going to be dropping me off somewhere?
15:14 you want my cell phone are you kidding me?
15:16 I can't get on face book.
15:18 They would be so angry and within months they be starting
15:20 to come around in this particular group when I worked
15:23 with them, I just say can you imagine even doing what I do.
15:27 I actually go out and try to help someone and I saw their
15:30 eyes well up with tears. I couldn't imagine that and Cheri
15:34 do that, a couple of the girls are going to start traveling
15:37 with us on some of our trips to True Step Ministries because
15:41 they really have gotten it and they do want the recovery
15:44 but if they don't do this step, if they don't get to the
15:47 core issues they will never stand up.
15:50 This is the key, a part of this process also and you said
15:54 just now, get into the core issues.
15:56 Sometimes we look at the symptoms, well you're acting
15:57 out, well you're taking drugs, well you're living homosexual
16:00 lifestyle, and we stopped there.
16:02 Okay just stop it, stop it there.
16:04 You can't stop this there is something driving this and
16:07 there is fuel under here driving this so even if I tried
16:09 to stop it is only to be temporary because we haven't
16:12 dealt with the core stuff yet.
16:13 That is why we talk about honesty and digging deep,
16:17 there is something driving what your doing, your behavior
16:20 is being pushed and motivated by something so let's get to
16:23 that then we can make some real changes.
16:25 I know that I have mentioned this before but I would like
16:27 to mention it again.
16:28 Brad was not a Christian for years and years and years in
16:31 our marriage, in fact he is going to be in the next roll
16:35 in on his anger and all that stuff.
16:37 He is not a Christian and I would come home from an
16:41 event doing out reach that was incredible and God
16:44 did this miracle stuff and Brad is not even a Christian
16:47 and he would go do we have to talk about this all day?
16:50 As far as Celebrating Life In Recovery he thought I was
16:53 trying to use that to convert him so
16:55 he hardly ever watched it.
16:56 It was just crazy to come home and have all that stuff.
17:00 But he would always ask me the same thing when I come
17:04 home, he would say well you did this gig for a couple weeks
17:09 and how much money did you make?
17:10 I'm thinking I can't talk about God and all the miracles
17:14 but I can to you how much money came in?
17:16 I wanted to strangle him, and I remember at one point
17:20 just feeling so much rage that I couldn't figure out what
17:23 is it but I didn't want to talk with him.
17:25 I wanted to say can I just come and stay at a hotel for
17:28 a couple of days and debriefed before come home to you?
17:31 I was angry and every single time he said it
17:34 the anger got worse.
17:36 And then we were standing in front of counselor and Brad
17:40 came into accepting Christ and changing his life and
17:44 spiritually growing in the counselor said Cheri why does
17:48 that make you so angry? It still did it, makes me angry.
17:49 I thought you know what, when I lived on the streets for
17:53 10 years what do you think the guys asked me when I got
17:57 off my shift? How much money did you make?
18:00 Because that's what my job was to bring in money weather
18:03 was selling drugs or doing whatever.
18:05 I thought not doing something for God and I still have
18:08 some fool asking me how much money I made.
18:11 You know what I mean, Brad I'm sorry about
18:14 the whole fool thing.
18:15 So to me unless I do this fearless inventory,
18:18 unless I realize the button he is pushing,
18:22 he never meant to push that button.
18:24 He never looked at me that way in his mind never
18:27 thought of that.
18:28 When he realized that's what I heard is that I heard
18:31 somebody using me for money just like they used me
18:34 when I was on the streets for money.
18:36 He cried, he said Cheri I love you and that
18:39 was never my intention.
18:41 So to do the inventory, God says you don't even know
18:46 when you get into the shadows what is there.
18:49 I have to say another thing about doing it with somebody,
18:53 it is really important to do with somebody.
18:55 If I was blind, totally blind and lived in a place
18:59 I could kind of straighten up, I could kind of clean up my
19:04 house but not really I need to really get a sighted
19:06 friend that is willing to come in and see what
19:09 I missed in the corners.
19:10 Because I could be cleaning up and sweeping up and there
19:13 could be a great big sheet of paper on the floor that
19:15 I do not see because I am blind.
19:17 So that person will see that, so you invite a sighted
19:20 friend in that says you have missed a few areas and let me
19:23 help you and this is the same with doing your inventory.
19:26 Try to find somebody that you trust, a sighted friend
19:30 so they can start showing you your blind spots.
19:34 And when you see them don't get defensive, you have them.
19:38 They are there. Mine are not pretty, I manipulate,
19:42 I lie, I'm incredibly self focused because of the abuse
19:46 and it is all about me and my pain and my stuff.
19:50 Until I get rid of that, I can't look at your pain and
19:53 I can't care about you so having somebody that shows
19:56 you all that is just amazing.
19:58 We have one more roll in and its roll I love too is that
20:03 emotionally, a lot of us are emotionally challenged.
20:07 I met this guy that wrote a book called Bullet Proof.
20:10 And Bullet Proof is learning to trust and learning to
20:13 establish those relationships.
20:15 I really got that, I want to be bulletproof when somebody
20:18 triggers me so this is David and Brian and
20:22 they are amazing.
20:23 David won my heart, he was raised by an autistic mother
20:28 who could not even give him clues on how to feel on how to
20:32 respond emotionally, he didn't know any of that stuff.
20:36 When he comes out he has to start from scratch.
20:39 My husband of course who I adore, and he is dealing with
20:43 his denial about anger issues in his pride issues, that
20:47 is really one of the hardest things to deal with is pride
20:50 because I don't have any issues.
20:53 And they're too proud to you look at them.
20:55 You may have the issue you know.
20:58 The other one is a guy named Wayne coming out of
21:02 homosexuality and you know what he said?
21:05 I love this he said I may not ever be heterosexual but
21:10 I'm going to be loved and will be saved and I'm going
21:13 to be in the kingdom and I'm not going to be acting out
21:16 in the same way.
21:17 So I may not be marrying anybody but I am now wed to
21:21 Christ and I am okay.
21:22 So enjoy this.
21:27 A parent came in, a person in the church, a respected
21:30 person came in and they didn't know I was listening.
21:34 They just tore my parents up one side and down the other
21:37 and basically said you guys are bad parents.
21:41 I came out and I don't remember well because in my head
21:46 injury but I was like how dare you? God was the perfect
21:51 parent and He lost a third of the Angels. Hello!
21:55 Now these people are coming to my parents after they had
21:58 done a very good job of raising me and something had
22:01 happened and I had gone bad, by that time I had gone bad
22:04 as far society is concerned.
22:07 With relationships when I had back then was a tit-for-tat
22:11 thing. I would do something for you and I would expect
22:14 you to do something for me and is going to be whatever
22:16 I wanted to be and you are going to do it now.
22:19 If you don't then you are a lousy person.
22:21 By the power of God, that's exactly what was getting to
22:25 a place where I had decided I don't want this anymore.
22:30 I was able to see it - I am powerless here.
22:32 I heard some people talked earlier about being a broken
22:36 man and I had really reach the kind of breaking point with
22:39 this where you have got to get fixed in some capacity or
22:43 another and go through a coaching and healing prayer
22:48 process, it was to be able to take it to Jesus and let Him
22:52 deal with it and tell Him He can have it.
22:55 There is an interesting thing about taking ownership for your
22:58 own emotions, you have to own them.- The pain that you caused.
23:02 And the pain I caused to myself and others and it is getting
23:05 into this legal concept that I have to have full ownership
23:08 in order to give it away. If I leave something out there
23:11 well yeah this, but that was so and so's fault.
23:15 There is still a hook in there that Satan has.
23:18 When I had that mutual sexual experience with other guys,
23:22 I began to think that I was normal.
23:25 I thought finally I was being accepted, it was an affirmation
23:31 all guys must do this and go through this and then this went
23:38 for a year, year and a half maybe two.
23:40 Then these guys began to say well they weren't really
23:44 interested in this anymore, they were interested in girls.
23:50 I thought okay I am a little late, I kept waiting for that
23:55 to click and to kick in.
23:57 It didn't go away, I still wanted the love and the
24:03 affirmation and the masculinity and the comfort that there
24:07 seemed to be when I was around another guy
24:10 as apposed to a woman.
24:12 I got to tell you, every time I listen to Brad present
24:15 because his goal in life is to win my heart everyday.
24:20 It's such a tough life. When he does his moral inventory
24:24 he does it with how good of a father am I?
24:27 What kind of husband am I? What does my home feel like?
24:31 Do people laugh out loud and enjoy coming into this house?
24:36 The fact that I get to be a part of his journey, Delights me.
24:42 The idea of celebrating life in recovery, Brad is such a humble
24:47 guy, you got a Teflon, a smooth kind of guy. You don't see him
24:52 as an arrogant, looking down your nose type dude.
24:54 But obviously God has healed that stuff, he has looked into
24:58 his own life and chosen to jet us in that kind of stuff.
25:01 His dad was an ambassador for United states and his mom
25:04 is a violinist and they were always better than the folks
25:08 around them were and he got that generationally.
25:10 So it is not that all of a sudden Brad walked into
25:13 adulthood and said I think I will be an arrogant you know.
25:17 He got that, it was just breed into him.
25:20 So even when we talk about the folks that were on this last
25:25 segment is that the things we walk into and get right away.
25:31 Wayne coming out of same sex attractions, when his mom was
25:37 pregnant she wanted a girl and literally as an infant broke
25:42 his arm in two places during one of her abuses and the father
25:46 would come home and find this kid abused because she did not
25:50 want a boy, so his whole life growing up, he said if I could
25:54 be a little girl everything would be okay.
25:56 So when I do programs like this they misunderstand my intent.
26:02 My intent is not to judge any bodies sexual orientation.
26:07 My intent is to take the individual in front of me
26:10 What is your journey? I'm not making social statements
26:13 not trying to change laws and legislation, each of us are so
26:17 individual and God looks at that in each of us.
26:20 Our journeys are so different so with the last few we saw
26:27 they just had different things. David was raised by a mom with
26:32 autism you know what I mean? How does that look?
26:35 Some folks with autism have it so badly you have to have a flip
26:39 book, and the flip book has different faces with emotions
26:43 on it and you flip and say oh this is what happy looks like
26:47 so when CA looks like this that means he is happy.
26:48 This is what anger looks like, so you really have to have those
26:52 kinds of clues, so he was raised by somebody who could give no
26:56 clues, and then we talk about Brian who had a sever head
26:59 injury and was one way at one moment gets this head injury
27:03 and all of a sudden he is out of control and doing drugs and
27:06 having sex and he doesn't know how to process
27:09 and can't retain stuff.
27:11 Now he has to come in and each one of us when we come to a
27:15 place in that inventory, come to a place of looking at that
27:20 stuff through these tragedies of our lives and they are never
27:24 easy, absolutely never easy.
27:25 So we are going to take a break and come back in.
27:27 But each of the people on this season were so different.
27:33 So different but everything was so intent.
27:38 I'm so proud of them and you know what?
27:39 Outside of all the addictions they gave up they decided
27:43 to take this fearless and searching inventory and they
27:47 are getting freedom, that's cool we'll be right back!