Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Tom & Vicki Mann
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00073A
00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life In Recovery,
00:11 I'm Cheri your host.
00:12 Today we're going to talk about, divorce, restoration,
00:15 and recovery, heavy topics but God is good.
00:18 Come and join us.
00:45 Welcome, so we are going to be talking about divorce,
00:49 which is a tough topic anyway for 50% of Americans
00:52 that have been divorced.
00:54 So we're going to talk about it a little bit different
00:57 slant in that a lot people get a divorce, they haven't
01:01 worked on their issues and end up getting remarried right
01:04 away, or in a relationship right away and
01:06 they get divorced again.
01:07 So we are hopefully going to cover it.
01:09 What do you do as far as healing time before you fall
01:13 in love again?
01:14 I'm going to introduce you to a couple that you will be
01:17 blessed by, both of their healing before they made the
01:20 decision to get back into a relationship.
01:22 As we get ready to do this program we are going to do it
01:26 a little different than we typically do it and that
01:28 I always have a little teaching time, I love doing that,
01:31 I just love doing that, but today I want to make sure
01:34 that we hear everybody's testimony to the fullest.
01:37 So we are going to start right away with getting to know
01:40 the guests and so I want to say, Vicki thank you so much
01:42 for coming on the program.
01:43 I know that some of the stuff you're going to share with
01:47 us is things that typically you would like to keep
01:51 with close friends, maybe a Pastor, kids, but you are
01:56 willing to share with us.
01:57 First tell us why and then let's get into what happened.
02:01 Tom and I are both concerned that there are probably
02:04 a lot of other people out there who may be going through
02:07 some of the same things that we went through after our
02:10 divorces, some of the same issues, lack of self-esteem,
02:14 a God shaped hole in the middle of our hearts.
02:19 We are hoping that we can help other people through the
02:23 same struggles that we went through.
02:24 So saying that, what did you guys go through?
02:28 What did you go through?
02:29 You know the reason I separated you is because Tom
02:34 is a little bit of a talker.
02:38 I'm going to love having him here, hello Tom.
02:40 I am going to love having them here but I want to have
02:43 you be able to speak without any interruptions,
02:45 besides me, go ahead.
02:48 I guess my testimony really begins with an ending.
02:52 I was married the first time for 24 years and had two
02:56 daughters and our relationship came to an end.
03:01 Our marriage came to an end and I moved into an apartment.
03:04 We were living at that time on the west coast of Florida.
03:07 And you thought you were going to be married for life!
03:10 Most of us when we get married we think it is always going
03:13 to be and so 24 years is a long time.
03:17 - it is a lot of time invested.
03:20 We really didn't come to that decision lightly.
03:24 I was actually already seeing a counselor and we had been
03:31 in counseling together too previously.
03:34 - I know that we have talked previously and you don't
03:37 want to get into all that, and that is fine because that
03:40 is not the point of the program anyway.
03:42 So we're going to go right into that you ended up leaving.
03:47 A decision was made and I moved into an apartment.
03:49 I was in my apartment for nine days and hurricane Charley
03:55 came in on the west coast of Florida.
03:57 No way! So it's like my life is falling apart and now
04:01 storms are coming and my apartment is falling apart.
04:04 I wasn't feeling too good about it and I wasn't sleeping
04:07 too well that night and I actually went work that morning
04:10 because the hurricane wasn't supposed to hit were we were.
04:13 I was thinking we were going to get a little bit of flooding,
04:16 and about an hour before it hit they announced over the
04:19 radio that the hurricane had taken a little jog,
04:21 was actually going to hit right where we were, head on.
04:25 To make long story short, my apartment was destroyed.
04:29 The place I was working the roof was taken off and
04:33 building was so badly damaged that the facility ended up
04:37 closing for nine months before they were able to reopen.
04:41 In one swoop - did you just cry?
04:45 Yeah, I was a basket case because it was like, I felt like
04:50 I didn't have anything.
04:51 I felt like well my marriage was over, I didn't have a
04:55 job, and I didn't have a place to live.
04:59 It was all just gone.
05:00 The building was condemned, there were stairs that went up
05:03 to the second floor and they were really shaky afterwards.
05:06 The roof was gone and we weren't supposed to go back in
05:09 there, but you want to go back and get out what you can.
05:12 I ran into some of my neighbors doing the same thing.
05:15 They were saying, you better get what are you can
05:18 carry out today because they are not going to let
05:21 us in here tomorrow.
05:22 - so what did you do?
05:24 I threw everything in my car and went home to mom.
05:29 Here was in my 40s and didn't think I would ever be living
05:32 with my mother again.
05:34 - you know for a lot of people that have been through
05:37 that, that has to be the worst feeling to just sit there,
05:40 not that moms are good or bad, it is not even about that,
05:43 but I just didn't think I would be back here.
05:45 After that many years you have been independent and you
05:49 don't think you will ever be back home again.
05:51 Mom was gracious and she took me and I moved in with mom.
05:55 Initially I thought I would probably just be back in
06:00 Southern Illinois for maybe a couple months.
06:03 I would then probably move back to Florida, but I wasn't
06:08 up here very long before I started to feel like this was
06:13 where God wanted me to be and that maybe there was a reason
06:17 why, not that God sent the hurricane to move Vicki,
06:21 or any of the bad things that happened.
06:26 It just that He was able to take that set of circumstances
06:29 and use it to actually move me to where I needed to be.
06:33 You know what I love about you saying that?
06:35 Looking between the lines, it's almost like what you are
06:40 saying is that you started to see hope, you can see that
06:44 maybe God was working with this.
06:46 It must be that your heart was opening up
06:49 a little to some healing.
06:51 I think my mother really helped with that.
06:53 My mother is a Christian woman and also the local Pastor,
06:58 I'm trying to remember now, one of them recommended a
07:02 Christian counseling service.
07:05 I thought it would check it out.
07:07 - some people, I get notes all the time, I don't like the
07:12 fact that you talk about counseling.
07:14 But if we had more friends that we could just sit down
07:17 and spill everything out to them, they would have the
07:19 time to walk us through all this hurt, I would say don't
07:22 go to a counselor, go to your friends.
07:24 But a lot of times we don't have that and especially
07:26 when you moved back home, you do not have a lot of
07:28 supporters around you, so the fact that there was
07:30 a Christian counselor that could listened,
07:32 I just think that was a God thing.
07:35 I was praying about it, actually because it were several
07:39 counselors there at the Christian Council center.
07:42 I was actually paired up with just exactly the one
07:44 I needed, she had actually been through a divorce herself.
07:47 It was Christian woman who was forgiven for anything she
07:51 had done and was remarried, happily remarried.
07:54 She could identify with a lot of the things that
07:57 I was going through.
07:58 - so immediately she probably started to work on your
08:01 self worth, because more than likely after a divorce,
08:04 we just feel like nothing.
08:06 - That is right, I don't think it really matters who is
08:08 at fault either, I think that even friends I've met since
08:12 then, whether you are the victim or you are not the victim
08:17 or maybe a little of both, everyone seems to suffer a loss
08:21 of self worth, you just feel like you're not good enough.
08:24 You wonder if anyone could ever love you again.
08:27 So how do they help you look at that and let that go?
08:32 Because you have to surrender that God.
08:33 Yes you do.
08:34 I love this because all of heaven says I am crazy about
08:39 you, don't let the devil lie to you about that.
08:41 But I have seen so many people going through a divorce.
08:45 You could tell spiritually speaking that they are crushed.
08:48 Everything in me wants to say, please don't believe those
08:52 lies because you are amazing.
08:53 That's true, - you are still okay.
08:56 The Bible actually tells us that if we, even for the part
08:59 that we were at fault for, if we confess our sins that He
09:02 is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.
09:04 We have to cling to that whatever mistakes we made during
09:10 our marriage, because even in marriages where I've had
09:14 friends where they feel like they were the victim, they
09:18 admit that there was problems on their side too.
09:23 - I have to agree with you.
09:24 We have to know that we were forgiven.
09:26 - I have never met any divorce or separation that was
09:29 clean on both sides, on either side.
09:32 You can start looking at one thing happens and hurts
09:36 start getting involved and everybody is acting out and it
09:39 could be for years acting out before a decision is made.
09:42 Everybody has done horrible things to each other, even
09:45 if it is subtle and then when the big things happen that
09:48 you can point at.
09:50 - when you really start getting your life back on track
09:52 with God, He will point those things out to you, but not
09:55 so He can hold it over your head, but so you can confess
09:59 those things so you can be forgiven and start to heal.
10:02 What is important about that?
10:04 I don't think a lot of people see the importance of that.
10:07 Until you recognize that Jesus is all you need,
10:11 how can you move into a new relationship.
10:14 I think you have to come to that point where you recognize
10:18 that hole that you feel in your heart after you go through
10:21 a divorce or maybe a death.
10:23 You have this huge hole and that is the way I described it
10:28 when I spoke to my sister and with my counselor.
10:30 I have got this big hole and I don't know what's going to
10:34 fill it, what you recognize that hole can't be filled by
10:38 another human being, it has to be filled by Jesus.
10:42 He is the only one that can fill that hole, and you are
10:44 not just ready for a new relationship.
10:46 You will go into it for the wrong reasons.
10:47 We are going to go ahead and take a break and I would
10:51 like to come back and bring in Tom just so we can talk
10:54 about the healing that you guys have done separately,
10:57 and the healing that you guys have done together.
11:00 How incredibly faithful God is.
11:02 It is absolutely amazing, so stay with us,
11:05 we will be right back.