Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Holbrook Academy
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00068B
00:13 Okay this is going to be
00:15 so much fun.
00:16 I'm going to introduce you
00:17 quickly to four people.
00:19 So Lorenzo you are going to be first, right?
00:22 So come on up and join me.
00:23 You heard what we were talking about?
00:26 So we are talking about our early walk,
00:30 so tell me a little bit, you said a little bit
00:33 about your family and what happened when you
00:35 actually got into school?
00:36 What did you struggle with the most?
00:38 Well I think I really struggled mostly with anger because
00:44 I had a lot of issues between me and my family.
00:48 Your family, was your family anything like mine?
00:52 Because my family was all just partying.
00:55 No! In what way was your family like?
00:58 Well my grandmother usually is pretty,
01:02 well she gets upset over the littlest thing like mis-matching
01:08 shoes she will chew your head off for that.
01:11 Were you raised by your grandma?
01:13 Yes because my mother and my father were
01:17 not able to take care of me.
01:19 Where are they? Where were they?
01:21 Well they were living together in Albuquerque then they
01:26 separated, divorced and now I'm living with my grandmother.
01:31 So you got to school and by the time you get to school
01:34 you are just full of anger?
01:36 Waiting for anyone to say anything?
01:38 Yes, yes and it was pretty easy too because people over
01:44 there in my school weren't the friendliest people.
01:48 So was easy? Yeah!
01:50 What is really interesting and what I found out with my
01:52 own anger, it is because my anger put people off.
01:56 That my anger was part of why they weren't so friendly.
02:00 They just didn't like me spitting on them,
02:02 do you know what I mean?
02:03 So sometimes it was our own anger.
02:06 Did you ever find that?
02:07 Yeah! So you are now at a different place?
02:11 You're with people trying to help you with anger issues.
02:14 Did you ever get into drinking? Any of that stuff?
02:19 Yeah I took a couple drinks every now and then.
02:24 But not much, yours is just anger?
02:26 Mostly anger!
02:27 So thanks for sharing that.
02:29 I'm going to bring up now Amber and so I am going one after
02:33 another so now anger with yours, you are dealing with that.
02:37 So your journey is with that and you are allowing someone
02:40 to step into your life and help you Heh?
02:42 So go ahead and have a seat and Amber come on up.
02:50 So Amber when I talk about my family, talk about your family
02:55 and maybe some of the stuff you are willing to share with us.
02:59 If some of the stuff to close right now, don't even share
03:04 that just the stuff you can.
03:06 Well both my parents split up and I've been staying with my
03:11 grandma ever since as a baby.
03:14 Where are your parents at?
03:16 Well I don't really know, my mom is in Phoenix and I think
03:24 my dad is in New Mexico somewhere.
03:27 Does this affect you, and this is a dumb question, you can
03:31 hit me later, but does it affect you do not know
03:34 where they are, to not know what they are thinking about
03:39 you or any of that stuff?
03:40 Well it used to but now I don't really care at all.
03:43 Because why?
03:45 I don't know, all of a sudden I just stopped caring.
03:49 It's like I can't keep going there?
03:52 Yeah I don't know where it started I think, I don't really
04:00 know because they're hardly there for me.
04:02 You heard that my family was all drugs and alcohol.
04:08 I chose drugs and alcohol which was crazy, you would think
04:13 I would run from that.
04:14 How do you survive the hurts in your life?
04:20 Well I used to cut now I am actually clean.
04:25 So for people don't know what cutting is, most teenagers
04:29 know exactly what you just said, right?
04:31 Because that is a very popular way to deal with your
04:36 sadness and not feeling connected,
04:38 but explain to somebody what cutting is.
04:41 Maybe you don't have to share your own experience.
04:43 But what is cutting, what do you mean by that?
04:48 It's like self injury, and that is pretty much it.
04:54 Ever since I was 12 and I didn't care what my parents
04:59 think I actually blamed everything on myself.
05:03 That if you are good enough they wouldn't have left?
05:07 Yeah and then from there I tried to commit suicide.
05:10 Now you are starting to deal with that so that
05:18 you are not so hurt? Yeah!
05:20 Let me for people who do not know, for a lot of folks that
05:25 are dealing with such tremendous sad nesses and not sure
05:30 why somebody has left or rejected or abandonment or
05:34 Depression is that cutting and burning gives you a sense of
05:38 at least connection, I don't hurt so much.
05:42 If I am going to feel so empty or so hurt if I cut at least
05:45 I put the pain all in one place.
05:49 And then you get a little bit of a break,
05:52 am I explaining it right? You mean like releasing?
05:57 Yeah! So that you release whatever is building up?
06:01 Yeah! I can survive if I can just get this out of me.
06:06 It is incredible to me that I know, and tell me if I am
06:10 right on this, right now you are working with some folks
06:14 at your school to learn to get it out in different ways?
06:19 Yeah! That is exciting to me.
06:22 Can you feel the depression lifting some what?
06:25 Yeah! Now I am starting to be actually a little happier
06:31 and sometimes I miss doing that kind of stuff but now
06:35 I'm trying to learn to just pray about it every time
06:40 I feel the urge do it.
06:41 So what we need to talk about is that sometimes you miss
06:44 doing those things, for a lot of people don't know it's
06:47 like an addiction because it works so well to release
06:51 that sometimes if you, for example, see a sharp object
06:55 what is the first thing that you think about?
06:58 Actually to cut. Yeah if you see a needle?
07:01 To poke at my vein or something like that.
07:08 So for a lot of people that have gone into cutting it is
07:11 like it is hard to even start seeing the objects in my
07:14 environment because I want to use them to release the
07:17 pain or hurt or emptiness that I feel.
07:20 So your recovery is saying,
07:23 I'm learning a different way to do it.
07:26 You know what is going to be exciting Amber?
07:29 There is going to be a point your life where you will see
07:31 a sharp object and you will not think of cutting first thing.
07:35 Unless it is like cutting for cooking a meal or whatever.
07:39 But you will not think of hurting yourself.
07:41 That is where I think it is exciting about recovery and I
07:44 know like you told me on the break but that is not where you
07:47 are at right now but that is where you are hoping to be.
07:50 Yeah! I'm hoping that too.
07:54 At the end of the program I would like to have prayer for
07:59 everyone, can I have prayer for you about that
08:01 at the end of the program? Sure!
08:03 Okay thank you the next person I would like to talk with
08:06 is Manuel, I would like for you to come up and we are going
08:10 to talk about the things that you have shared with me are
08:13 amazing to me, things you have struggled with, the things
08:17 from your family, and you are more like me than a lot of
08:20 the others as far as family stuff.
08:22 So talk a little bit about where you came from and
08:25 what happened in school.
08:27 What happened in school? Yeah and the family stuff.
08:30 Well I used to see my mom and dad fight and
08:37 I got tired of it so I used to stay with my grandma.
08:43 Did your mom and dad, were they alcohol involved?
08:47 They had all that stuff? Yeah! They drank and stuff.
08:50 I stayed with my grandma for a while.
08:52 I went to a public school and I used to get into a lot
08:57 of trouble, I used to fight and a lot of crazy things.
09:03 Use to drink, smoke.
09:04 Did you feel like when you first start going there that
09:07 for me anyway is I had to release the anger.
09:11 When I found out that alcohol and drugs worked as far as
09:15 to help me fit in, it seemed like everything worked by
09:19 doing it that way? Did you feel like this works for me?
09:23 Yeah! It releases were Amber talked about cutting.
09:28 You are saying no releases me to cut you?
09:30 Do you know what I mean?
09:32 I'm not going to cut myself so your anger actually
09:34 came out the other way?
09:36 I used to drink away my sorrows by drinking, smoking,
09:41 it just wasn't working.
09:44 Did you ever draw the attention of school authorities or
09:49 Law enforcement? No!
09:50 Never went to jail, never went to Juvenile hall?
09:53 Oh yeah I have been there a couple of times.
09:55 So talk about that little bit, because you are young still
09:58 so when you say a couple of times how old were you
10:02 the first time when you went to jail?
10:06 I was about 15 when I first went to jail.
10:10 What happened? I got into a fight with some people.
10:17 I was intoxicated so I got done in for, I don't know.
10:24 You are in for how long? About five days.
10:27 Plus during that time I was on probation
10:30 because I was drinking.
10:32 So when you got out did you go back to school?
10:36 Yeah! Did you fighting stop?
10:40 Did you learn your lesson? Did you stop drinking?
10:42 No, I continued more often and would fight
10:45 every week, every day.
10:47 Was there any body, and I guess I want to just say that
10:50 in my own life there was nobody I could look at that was
10:54 actually trying to do recovery, was trying to live their
10:57 life different, was there anybody in your life that was
10:59 trying to show you the way to live?
11:02 Well there was my grandma, but she passed back in October.
11:07 So she died of cancer right? Yeah!
11:09 I am sorry about that because I know that she was the
11:12 normal person in your life.
11:16 She was trying to help you to not drink, don't fight,
11:22 don't smoke, anybody else?
11:26 Cousins, friends, mom, dad.
11:30 Probably a couple of my aunties but they lived far away
11:34 from me so we don't see each other often.
11:36 So all of this is going on, you are even though you are
11:44 young, and are getting pulled into an addiction.
11:47 You want to drink every day, your using every day.
11:51 How did you stop?
11:54 Because I know you are not drinking today.
11:57 Well I was looking through this magazine and
12:01 I saw some ad about Holbrook Indian school and
12:06 I was talking to my grandma and she said yeah one
12:11 of my cousins was going to school there.
12:13 She told me to give them a call, so I guess she called.
12:18 You called them? No! She called them.
12:21 So I guess that's how I got it all.
12:23 So now you go to a school that not only has all kinds of
12:28 rules, you are going to live there, and the rules that
12:32 they have you are definitely not going to be drinking?
12:36 Or smoking, so what did you think?
12:40 Where you not crazy at first?
12:41 I didn't think anything, I didn't even know
12:46 it was a Christian school.
12:47 I did know what Seventh-day Adventist means so when
12:50 I went there I kind of freaked out.
12:57 Let me just ask you, because this is real interesting.
13:00 I love the fact that there are people in our lives,
13:03 as we travel through our lives, that will help us.
13:06 Did you pay for the school you went?
13:10 No! For me when I first came into recovery,
13:14 I didn't have a dime, my teeth needed to be fixed.
13:18 People stepped up and said let me cover that right now
13:22 while you are standing up.
13:23 I just want to say how cool is even that.
13:26 Because if somebody is not going to be doing that,
13:28 you are not going to be getting well right now.
13:31 When you get well I am going to ask you to
13:34 cover someone else. Alright?
13:36 Thank you for coming up and thank you for sharing with us.
13:39 I would like to now introduce you to Crystal.
13:42 Crystal come on up.
13:43 The first time we met we talked for a long time.
13:47 You have said this a couple times, even on this trip
13:51 you said that you feel like you are three people in one.
13:54 So tell us a little bit about your background,
13:56 where you came from, and why you feel that way?
14:00 I came from a background that, I felt like,
14:04 was a dysfunctional family, like my family wasn't one.
14:08 So your mom and dad are in the picture,
14:12 are not in the picture?
14:13 My dads in the picture, but my mom, not my mom.
14:16 She moved away, right? Do you know even where she is at?
14:20 No! Your dad does he raise you?
14:24 No! He is like, sometimes I go and visit him,
14:28 he didn't raise me.
14:30 So you are with your grandma? Yeah!
14:31 I know that you have been at this Holbrook school since
14:37 you were in the first grade.
14:38 I was surprised when we first met that you had been there
14:42 for almost your entire school, right?
14:45 It's a safe place for you? Yeah!
14:47 So one of the persons that you feel like this person at
14:52 school has goals, has people that love you,
14:57 you're in the choir, you are a beautiful singer,
15:00 so one person is that?
15:02 The other person is who? Crazy, like I'm up for anything.
15:10 But you have not always been that way,
15:12 so talk about some of your home visits and
15:15 how you got involved in to where you were partying?
15:19 Well when I was small I used to live at my grandparents.
15:25 We used to live in Port Defiance, we moved back because
15:31 my grandpa had land on the reservation,
15:32 so he wanted to start that.
15:34 So we moved back and that's where my cousins were.
15:37 When I was back and forth I had no one to hang around with.
15:42 No one your own age?
15:43 Yeah I just lived at my grandma, so we moved back and
15:47 I met my cousins and I was happy because I had someone
15:51 my age that I could hang out with and stuff like that.
15:54 We were hanging out and pretty soon they said,
15:58 we actually have older cousins, so they drank,
16:02 did drugs and stuff like that.
16:04 I have to say it must've felt incredible,
16:08 now I have people around me,
16:10 I can go hang out and play and all those things.
16:14 It must've felt really cool to be asked by the older
16:18 cousins for you to hang out.
16:19 But now it's like they are all using,
16:22 and they didn't trick you into using,
16:26 you all of a sudden wanted to try it, right?
16:28 The reason I say trick you into using it is because for
16:32 some of us I think their perception is somebody is hiding
16:36 behind a bush saying come on drink this.
16:39 But that is not how it happens.
16:41 We just look at everybody having a great time and
16:43 we want to try it.
16:45 When I was a little girl at the party's at my grandmothers,
16:48 I would sneak drinks because I wanted to try it too.
16:51 So you immediately started to like that part of yourself?
16:58 Yeah! That wild part!
17:00 Did it get you in trouble?
17:03 Not with my cousins around they always took the blame
17:07 and try to cover up for me.
17:09 So grandma never found out? Yeah that's right.
17:12 School doesn't find out?
17:13 And your cousins are covering for you? Yeah!
17:16 That is how you can be that person too? Um hum!
17:18 So that's the person at grandma's, the person at school,
17:24 the person at parties. Yeah!
17:26 And now you are trying to decide which one you are
17:29 going to let go off and which when you are going to keep?
17:34 That has got to be a little scary? Yeah it is!
17:37 What have you thought about so far,
17:40 what have you come up with?
17:41 Well the school, now that I am more open to one of my Auntie,
17:50 she makes me think a lot.
17:53 Like how she came down the road and it was hard
17:55 when she got out of high school.
17:56 I see all my family members, none of them went college,
18:02 well only two but they didn't get that far.
18:06 Now they're getting pushy and I'm getting mad
18:10 because they're pushing.
18:11 They are like hanging their hopes on you, you know
18:14 you can succeed in a family where we haven't.
18:18 So that's a lot of pressure too? Yeah, it makes me mad.
18:21 But you know what I want to say because we've talked.
18:25 I know that there is a part of view that is your hope and
18:29 dream to do college and to have because what is
18:33 your goal as far as what do you see yourself as?
18:36 Because I know you have goals, dreams?
18:38 I would like to go into music but I don't know.
18:44 It's a little scary? Yeah!
18:46 So not all the people around you has even done the
18:49 whole college thing? Yeah!
18:50 I remember you saying something to me that was really
18:54 interesting because my heart as an addict I so understand
18:58 this when you said I do home leave, remember when you said
19:01 that there is a part of me that doesn't want to come back?
19:04 So talk about that a little bit.
19:06 I don't want to go on and I don't want to come back.
19:10 When I'm at school I'm scared to go home because
19:13 I don't want to get caught up in that stuff again.
19:18 When I do go home I think it will stop but it doesn't,
19:23 so I start doing that stuff again and when it is time for me
19:27 to come back I don't want to come back.
19:29 Because now you're at it again?
19:30 So you really right now at this point in your life are
19:35 at a crossroads, you have to pick a road? Yeah!
19:39 That is a scary place because you can also pick
19:42 just partying, just being wild.
19:47 I just don't want you to you and leave here,
19:50 I wanted to say you are not leaving,
19:52 but you know it is really awful and good that
19:56 you are the only one that can actually
19:57 pick that road. Yeah!
20:01 What does your heart say, if you could just say this is
20:05 what I really want, this is what I want to choose?
20:09 Which one do you lean to more right now?
20:13 Going to my School.
20:16 And the dreams you have as far as music?
20:21 Yes! And that one brings you joy in life.
20:25 What grade are you in? Sophomore!
20:28 So you have got a couple more years,
20:31 they go up to the 12th grade right? Yeah!
20:33 So a couple more years at school.
20:35 So if anybody wants to keep you on their prayer list,
20:38 should they? Yeah! Yes, absolutely.
20:42 It's like to me is like when you are on that addiction side,
20:47 because I know from any of us that are having that struggle
20:51 with that lifestyle,
20:53 and being partying and being with our friends,
20:54 when we are on that side we don't even want
20:56 anyone to pray for us.
20:58 It's like no, no, no, I don't even want you to think about
21:01 me or pray for me, but when I'm on the side that has those
21:05 hopes and dreams we are begging people from our heart,
21:08 don't forget me, don't forget to cover me in prayer.
21:15 In your life who are the role models, like we did
21:20 a week of prayer together and I just remember just
21:24 looking at you and saying grab hold of somebody
21:29 that can be a role model for you.
21:31 So who are those people in your life and
21:33 how do they support you? Emotionally?
21:36 Probably I would have to say my auntie is basically
21:44 the one I know the most in my family.
21:47 And she has gone there, she's gone there and walked into
21:50 recovery, or had she not gone there?
21:53 No, well she did go there after she got out of high school.
21:58 Now she is alright.
22:00 So she is the support for you?
22:03 How about at the school, is there anybody at the school
22:06 that you see this person encourages me to stand?
22:10 My friend.
22:15 I hung out with a lot of your friends when I was there
22:18 and you know what surprised me?
22:21 Remember we were all at the back of the
22:24 auditorium hanging out?
22:25 There were times of praying and crying together.
22:31 It blessed me watching how much you guys love each other.
22:34 Do you know what I mean? Your friends and how you,
22:37 because a lot times nobody around you has been consistent
22:41 as far as being there for you, and your friends have
22:44 you can see that when we were hanging out.
22:47 So you are saying your friends are.
22:51 My prayer for you is going to be that I am hoping you will
22:54 find that strength within you, even if you're friends stand or
22:57 fall, that you can stand still and helped them back up.
23:00 Thank you for coming up, and thank you for
23:04 sharing that with us.
23:05 I would like to now show you, or introduce you to a couple
23:13 of the people that run the school.
23:15 The principle of school and her husband who has a lot of
23:18 recovery, both of them have a lot of recovery behind them,
23:22 but we are going to talk about some of what you just heard
23:25 with the kids.
23:27 So I'm just going to ask you to come up, come on up.
23:29 With each of these kids I know that for one,
23:34 quickly just recap your testimony.
23:38 Where you have come from and God standing you up and
23:41 how you are loving on them?
23:42 Then I want to talk about what you think about
23:45 what the kids just shared today?
23:48 I was an addict and an Adventist and an addict
23:52 at the same time.
23:54 A look at the camera and say any Adventist addict stop!
23:57 I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
24:00 But there is lot of times that we say that,
24:02 there are people that will e-mail me and say,
24:05 you know sure Cheri I am a closet addict.
24:08 I do prescription drugs or I drink and nobody knows,
24:11 so what you are saying is that I was that.
24:14 I wasn't in a closet I was out in the open,
24:17 but I would go to the Church every once in a while
24:20 and that was about it.
24:21 God helped me when I met my husband.
24:25 He had been drinking and had quit before I met him,
24:30 and I thought well if he can do that I can do that too.
24:35 He helped me into the rehab.
24:37 I like the way you say that because you know
24:39 what Hep told me?
24:40 He said I can't marry you if you drink. Yep!
24:43 So you said it really nice, and I'm thinking
24:45 well that's not what I heard.
24:47 And the only reason I remember that it's because
24:50 my husband said, my husband is a trumpet player and
24:53 he said Cheri I can't marry you if you smoke,
24:55 because I make a living with my lungs.
24:57 So it is really interesting when the people around us
25:00 encourage us to do better and that is what we are
25:04 talking about even with the kids.
25:05 Every once in awhile we are fortunate to have somebody walk
25:08 into our lives, that really call us to a better place.
25:11 He did that for you. Yes he did!
25:13 I'm so grateful it's just wonderful to be able to quit.
25:20 And to get started on recovery.
25:23 So you actually went to treatment? I did!
25:25 I went to treatment and came back.
25:30 I had quit drinking even before I went to treatment,
25:34 so I came back and just went on with letting go and let God.
25:40 What is really interesting to me is that I have heard your
25:45 story just because we hung out some.
25:47 But I heard the fact that God then stood you up and started
25:51 to bring you to a place where you are actually going to speak
25:55 recovery, or life into these kids.
25:58 So when they have all come up individually and talk to about
26:01 their journey, and you know them better than I do.
26:04 You have more kids than just them at the school.
26:07 Tell me what you felt from your heart just listening to them?
26:10 I am sad because they had to go through that,
26:15 at such a young age.
26:18 I feel so bad that they had to go through that,
26:22 but I am so grateful to God that they came to the
26:25 school and that God is starting to open up their hearts
26:29 and open up their minds to see that it is better than
26:33 what they were thinking about
26:35 doing or were into.
26:37 It is wonderful when they come and talk, they talked to me,
26:42 they will come my office some time and talk about what is
26:46 going on in their lives and I sit there and listen
26:51 because my heart cries for them.
26:53 I feel like there's so much for them that they could have
26:59 in this recovering in getting into recovery and I encourage
27:05 them to do what they need to do.
27:08 In order to learn how to live without using anything
27:12 is going to hurt them.
27:13 Whether it's cutting, whether it's drugs,
27:15 whether it's drinking, whether it's their rage,
27:17 or their anger.
27:18 It is amazing to me because you came from a place to where
27:24 you understand how addictions can take you down.
27:28 But sometimes, you guys are so young and fully don't
27:32 understand that yet, you understand at some level.
27:35 Like Duane being in jail, that helps you.
27:38 Or Manuel, sorry I always said to Duane but Manuel.
27:43 So we have a number of people that you speak into their life,
27:48 you have 75 students? Yes 75 students.
27:51 All with their own stories? Right every one of them.
27:55 We have grades one through 12 and each one of them have
27:58 their own stories, the young ones do too.
28:02 The older ones come and talk to us more.
28:05 I'm going to have Hep come up because Hep teaches some of
28:10 the younger grades and I want to talk about,
28:12 thanks for coming up, thanks for sharing it.
28:14 Hep will you come up?
28:16 Sometimes I think that we think of recovery,
28:19 when I think about recovery I do think about recovery when
28:24 somebody is of age, even if age 12,13,15,
28:30 but I can remember God giving me a vision, Hep, at one point
28:34 when I was three.
28:37 I walked into the room and my family are addicts,
28:40 they are all lost in their own stuff,
28:42 and I was looking around for someone to see me,
28:45 let me sit next to them,
28:47 acknowledge that I came into the room,
28:49 but nobody was able to because of their addictions.
28:51 Sometimes little tiny kids start this addictive process.
28:56 Can you speak about that?
28:58 You teach elementary school.
29:00 I teach elementary I'm the fifth and sixth grade
29:02 teacher at Holbrook.
29:03 The students range from age 8
29:07 to about 12 or 13.
29:08 The other day we were talking about
29:12 drinking in the classroom.
29:14 So some of my kids got pretty bold and we were volunteering
29:18 what age we started to drink.
29:21 I think I got the kids down to about age 10, my kids
29:24 in the classroom that are actually participating
29:28 and drinking at this point.
29:30 Then we went to cigarettes which is another addiction.
29:34 And some my kids had even started smoking or try to smoke.
29:39 Then we would turn that back into focus and say what would
29:44 God want us to do?
29:46 They all agreed that it is not right to do that.
29:48 That God wants us to be healthy.
29:50 Yeah God wants us to be healthy.
29:52 So then we said why did we try it?
29:55 Well we were experimenting,
29:57 we wanted to see what it tastes like.
29:58 So I would just then take it a little bit further
30:03 and tell them a little of my story.
30:05 They said gee Mr. Ross did you really do that? Sure!
30:09 What kind of things did you tell them?
30:12 I want you to know that you are really telling these kids?
30:17 I told them about my own drinking and some of the things
30:21 that I have gone through.
30:23 That it caused me, with my drinking,
30:27 to lose my first family.
30:30 I had six children and divorced my first wife
30:34 because of my drinking.
30:35 Because I was drinking all my kids are drinkers,
30:40 they all drink alcohol and some of them use marijuana.
30:44 You have watched their lives be injured
30:46 because of their choice on drinking?
30:49 Yes, and then also I shared with my class that
30:54 because of God all my kids are now sober.
30:58 Because God does do miracles.
31:01 Let me because what really is interesting about you and
31:06 Janet are doing, each of the people here and Amber and
31:11 Lorenzo, Crystal and Manuel are into what you are doing.
31:16 Recovery is so, a lot of the folks that stand up specially
31:21 with you folks, they don't have a God history,
31:23 they don't have any religion and so if I am saying an
31:25 important thing of let go and let God, you have
31:31 to speak on that eventually.
31:32 You do, and my true story is when I sobered up.
31:39 Back in 1979 the counselors at the program said find
31:44 your higher power, it could be a desk, it could be a tree,
31:47 it could be that rock,
31:50 find something that you can believe in.
31:52 Something that is more powerful than you are so
31:54 that you can believe in it.
31:55 Let me just say because some people get offended,
31:59 at that if they are Christian,
32:00 they do not understand why you would say that?
32:02 The only reason people say that is for most of us in
32:06 those places, I wasn't raised around anything Christian,
32:10 so if you were to say God I would've blown you off and
32:14 never tried it, but if you say find anything is almost
32:18 like a first step of getting outside myself and
32:21 eventually I'm going to find God.
32:22 God is faithful and He is real and He is there.
32:26 So when somebody says it could be anything they are not
32:29 really saying it could be anything, that a rock get you
32:32 into recovery, it's just saying that some how for this
32:35 addict has to get out of their own head.
32:37 Whatever you believe in you need to be strong in that,
32:42 but when you first come in contact with God it is really
32:48 scary, it is so scary that you wonder what in the heck are
32:53 you standing here with God standing right next to you.
32:58 Saying hey you, get over here.
33:00 Because most the people believing in the Bible fell
33:03 flat on their face, they fainted.
33:05 A lot of people said I realized I was in the presence of God
33:08 and I fainted because it is.
33:11 My first experience with God, I was out south of town on a
33:15 hill by myself and I heard this weirdest
33:19 scream come out from the south.
33:21 When I finally realized what it was, it was a eagle hawk
33:26 that was coming down.
33:28 So what He was saying was wake-up, straighten up
33:34 because I'm coming.
33:35 The hair on my neck stood up and I had no place to go,
33:41 so I just stood there.
33:42 For some people they don't believe that God uses animals
33:46 or trees or whatever, but when He does its amazing.
33:50 I've had hawks, bluebirds, sunsets and God can speak
33:53 through all of that because He really loves you and
33:57 wants to talk to you. That's right!
33:59 So for the first 27 years of my recovery I followed God
34:05 through the Native American way, through the pipe and the sweats
34:09 and through those kind of things.
34:12 It hasn't been since the last nine years or so that I have
34:16 really became really close to God as what
34:20 is described in the Bible.
34:22 Creator God in the Bible. That's right!
34:24 Finding the similarities between the path that the northern
34:29 tribes are using and the Bible is very similar.
34:32 Again a lot of people would think that,
34:35 and this is a little bit away from the kids,
34:37 but a lot of people would think what you followed before
34:40 was not of God and what you follow now is of God.
34:43 But you are saying that God was always wooing me,
34:46 there was always that wooing,
34:48 but I just actually see His face more clearly.
34:50 It is all intertwined with God.
34:55 In reality the closer you get to God,
35:00 the better you get to know yourself.
35:04 The better you get to know yourself,
35:07 then you know God is smiling at you.
35:11 In the message in Matthew, I can't remember why the
35:17 paraphrase says it like this,
35:18 but it says when you fully find God,
35:20 you fully find yourself.
35:21 I am the child of God creating in His image and He says
35:24 I want to show you who you are in Me.
35:28 For each of the testimonies that we've heard today,
35:32 is that I can see God wooing them,
35:34 I can see God standing them up and I want show you.
35:37 Even what you are saying in your life is that God said the
35:40 same thing to you, let Me show you who you are.
35:42 Let me show you who I am.
35:47 So when you do teach these kids through your testimony,
35:53 through your journey, with even the stories that you have
35:58 heard today, if you could tell them something
36:01 what would you tell them?
36:04 It is really hard for them to understand at that age but
36:08 I think I would tell them that we need to have patience.
36:13 With ourselves? With ourselves.
36:15 God says I will come and help, I will help you.
36:22 It's on God's time is not on our time.
36:25 So it may be 20 years from now, or it may be in five seconds.
36:30 We need to take care of our selves and keep dreaming that
36:36 is going to happen.
36:38 I believe for the last 35 years that God has had a message
36:44 for me and I am still waiting.
36:46 What is interesting too is that you are just coming into
36:50 a place where you can stand up and even talk about this.
36:54 God has intervened and I see Him clearly,
36:59 more clearer today than did I did five years ago,
37:02 definitely clearer than 10 years ago and I see in the
37:04 future it is going to be clearer than that.
37:06 He is standing me up for something?
37:08 That's true!
37:10 Thank you very much for coming up and saying that.
37:13 For each of you guys as you were listening to Hep and Janet
37:19 when each of you guys spoke I can see God wooing you.
37:22 I can see God standing you up in the same way.
37:28 Lorenzo would you please come up one more time?
37:30 I want to just ask you a couple things because I know that
37:34 we have talked about the school stuff and that you were
37:38 dealing with anger and your family.
37:40 I know that you wanted to say something else
37:43 so if you could share with us a little bit about more
37:47 about that, but what did you think about what Hep said?
37:51 I thought it was really interesting how an addiction or
37:55 a problem that you have could mess up your life and affect
37:59 people around you.
38:01 So what do you mean by that?
38:03 Mr. Ross's in his case how he divorced his first wife and how
38:10 his whole family fell apart.
38:12 And all that kind of thing.
38:15 It is interesting that one thing leads to another,
38:17 it's almost like dominoes when you set up a set of dominoes
38:21 and you push one over and all the rest get pushed over.
38:25 You wanted to talk about a little bit more about some of
38:29 the things that made you angry.
38:31 That is what you are dealing with so what are some of
38:34 the things that actually make you angry?
38:35 The things that made me angry were actually almost being
38:42 left out of having more.
38:43 My older brother being the one mostly my whole family
38:48 loved and so it was like I was just there for mostly
38:52 cleaning up and making sure the house was in order.
38:56 So you feel like you were rejected by people around you?
39:00 Yeah! So your anger was that somebody needs to pay attention
39:04 to me? Somebody needs to look at me as I'm special?
39:09 Yeah, like you know I am here too, it is more like playing
39:14 favorites with my older brother.
39:19 So now what is really interesting, and you may not be
39:23 there yet, but I'm just going to ask you if you are there?
39:27 What kinds of, I'm a middle child so I felt that way all
39:31 through my life, are you the middle child?
39:33 Second oldest. And I'm second oldest.
39:37 So I always had to live out older sister.
39:41 Is there anything you are doing in order to let people off
39:48 the hook with that and just know that you are okay?
39:50 Well, let's see, I think that.
39:56 Because I want to say to people poof,
40:01 I wanted to treat everybody fair and that's not fair.
40:04 Somebody said to me one time, life is not always fair.
40:08 I'm like, who wants to hear that?
40:10 So there was a point where I had to say whom am I?
40:15 How am I going to deal with that,
40:18 even if nobody around me does the right thing?
40:20 How am I my going to deal with that anger?
40:22 Does that make sense?
40:25 Yeah! When I say that what do you think about it?
40:28 Well I think that I should not try to live up to their
40:34 expectation, what I am doing isn't helping them out
40:40 or making them happy.
40:41 I should just forget about the whole thing and do what
40:47 I think is better and work into something else better.
40:55 I still want to figure out how to live my life?
40:58 Without drugs, without alcohol, definitely without anger.
41:01 Because when somebody hasn't dealt with anger,
41:05 isn't it as destructive as anything else?
41:07 Yeah! Does it get in your way?
41:09 Yeah it gets pretty much in your way because like
41:12 you have no control over what you are doing,
41:14 or know how many people you are hurting.
41:17 People start backing away from you because they don't know
41:21 when you are going to go off on them are not?
41:22 Yeah! My prayer for you, and I'm going to call everybody up,
41:28 my prayer for you is going to be to be able to allow that
41:33 anger to be given to God and for God to show you how
41:36 incredible, because you're not a second child for God,
41:39 you are everything to Him.
41:42 He is just saying let Me love you and let Me show you
41:46 how to be that.
41:50 Even if people around you don't see that,
41:52 you can actually heal anyway.
41:55 And love them, it's cool.
41:59 I'm going to call everybody else up.
42:00 Crystal can you come up?
42:02 Manuel can you come up?
42:04 And Amber come up?
42:07 Do you guys want to join me and we are just going to
42:10 have prayer for everybody.
42:11 And right now I am going to have prayer.
42:14 I want to ask does anybody else want to have prayer
42:17 out of the group? Anybody?
42:22 Janet did you want to pray with them too?
42:24 And how about you Hep, can you pray?
42:28 So we are going to pray I will open it,
42:31 then Janet you take over,
42:33 then Hep I'll take it from you.
42:34 Dear Father in Jesus name we are all coming from different
42:38 places and everybody watching we are coming from
42:41 such different places.
42:42 Some anger, some depression, some cutting, some drugs,
42:46 some just don't feel good enough.
42:48 I know that people in my life have loved me in the way
42:52 they've loved other people and I am angry,
42:54 and it is not fair.
42:55 All of us has those things and I think the devil himself
42:58 just tries to make them bigger and bigger and bigger
43:01 to where I finally just destroy myself either from my anger
43:07 from my drugs or my drinking, from my own stuff into my family
43:12 I destroy those families and I just say right now I pray
43:16 for these kids and anybody watching,
43:18 let us be done with that.
43:19 Let us let that go and I just ask You,
43:23 I was going to say I beg You,
43:24 but I don't have to.
43:25 You are Father and You love us.
43:27 I pray for the adoption that we have in Your family,
43:30 that You want to bring us into Your family to
43:33 pour into us and to bless us.
43:36 I just pray Father bless these kids now.
43:38 Bless them with Your Holy Spirit,
43:40 bless them with recovery,
43:41 bless them with safe places and safe people.
43:44 Bring folks into their lives and I pray Father through the
43:48 Holy Spirit for strength to stay in recovery in Jesus name
43:53 I know that You adore us,
43:55 You're crazy about us.
43:57 I know that You want their recovery more than anything,
44:01 so I am praying today for their recovery.
44:03 Thank you so much.
44:05 Our heavenly Father, we just thank You so much for the
44:08 children that are at the school and
44:11 the children that are here.
44:13 You love them so much and we see the hurt that they have
44:17 gone through and still are going through.
44:20 We pray Lord that You will just bless them with Your love
44:23 and surround them with Your holy angels and help them
44:27 as they think about the things they are doing,
44:30 and the things that have brought them down.
44:32 Help them that they may lift up their eyes to You,
44:36 and their hands and their hearts.
44:39 I just pray that Lord You will take care of them,
44:43 because we love them so much and we know that
44:46 You love them even more.
44:47 We thank You in Your holy name Amen.
44:50 Dear Lord we thank You for bringing us here at this time.
44:54 Thank You for allowing all these stories to be told.
44:59 Each and every one of us have a different aspect in
45:04 their heart and their lives.
45:05 Please watch over each and every one of
45:09 those that have come.
45:12 Look after those that are listening to this story
45:17 and hear their prayers and be with them.
45:21 Help them to know that they are unique in Your eyes.
45:26 That each one has a new future in You,
45:30 and all we have to do is to walk it and to be patient.
45:35 This I ask in Jesus name Amen
45:40 thank you so much, go and have a seat.
45:43 We are going to go ahead and take a break.
45:47 But I want you to come back
45:50 because we just want to tie this up.
45:52 Stay with us, we will be right back!