Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Dr. Janet Claymore, Duane Ross
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00066B
00:14 This section is going to bless you.
00:16 Here in the Café we now have my friend Janet.
00:19 Janet I had met you long before I met Heppy and the kids at the
00:24 school any of that.
00:25 We are going to talk, continue about your recovery,
00:30 but where did you guys meet?
00:32 Did you know him before he had stopped drinking?
00:36 No I did not know him before he stopped drinking.
00:40 So can you tell us where you met?
00:43 Because now you are in recovery, you are looking at your
00:47 children, everything is new in your family, so where did
00:51 you guys meet? How did that happen?
00:53 That happened back in 1979.
00:57 I was a business manager for the school.
01:00 Janet sister had just been hired as the elementary principal.
01:05 She lived right across the street from me, Janet's sister.
01:10 She was during the year telling me about a sister that she
01:14 had in Portland, Oregon.
01:16 She was thinking about bringing her to this community
01:22 and helping her get Bachelor's degree because she was
01:28 wanting to become a teacher.
01:30 So at that point, when all of this is going around and
01:34 Janet's sister is talking to you about that,
01:35 you have reclaimed really your honor or ability to stand and
01:40 get the respect that you so tried to get in your drinking.
01:45 Now you are getting it because you really are...
01:47 I'm sober! You're sober!
01:49 So the dream that this guy had to get men and women to
01:53 stand up sober you are now working with him,
01:57 encouraging other people to stand up and be sober.
01:59 How cool is that?
02:02 At the time I didn't understand the ramifications of all of
02:07 it, but now it was the right direction for that community.
02:14 To continue with the story, Janet's sister was the
02:20 elementary principal and she would invite me over to
02:26 her house to visit and she was telling me that her sister
02:31 was going to be coming pretty soon.
02:33 Eventually Janet showed up but I did not see much of her.
02:37 Janet had a little daughter and I didn't see much of either
02:41 one of them because I was visiting with Janet's sister.
02:44 All of a sudden one afternoon, one evening I was over there
02:50 and she invites her sister Janet to come out to the living
02:56 room and be part of our conversation.
02:59 About 15 or 20 minutes into the conversation she said oh,
03:02 I have to go see Chuck that was her boyfriend.
03:05 She leaves, so Janet and I were left.
03:08 Did you know you were being set up?
03:11 Did you know? No! No! I just sat down and started talking
03:17 to him and here's a new person to talk to because I am
03:23 in a community I don't know anybody.
03:25 So we just started talking and he was telling me about his
03:30 family and we became friends.
03:35 It was cool because we became friends.
03:37 So can I ask you, did you have any issues or history
03:42 with drugs and alcohol?
03:43 Yes, yes I started drinking probably when I was 21,
03:50 but I was doing drugs before that.
03:53 Smoking weed, that kind of thing?
03:56 Smoking weed, yeah, and taking pills.
03:59 I think it was 19 when I started doing that.
04:05 Just off and on, just taking them off and on.
04:14 Heppy, and I may be making an assumption of this,
04:16 you are raised on the reservation?
04:19 Yes I was.
04:20 Were you raised on the reservation
04:21 or did you have a different background?
04:22 Yes I had a different background,
04:24 No, I wasn't raised on the reservation.
04:26 My mother's Swedish.
04:29 I remember you saying that to me and I want to just say that
04:34 you came on and we were doing another program so I know that
04:38 you came on that other program and I asked you if would
04:41 where these clothes for this program to,
04:46 but you were literally learning about your heritage as
04:50 you were coming in doing this teaching? Right, right!
04:54 But with that background were you using at that time?
04:59 What had happened was that was when I was getting my
05:04 degree, it was probably about a year after I met
05:08 Heppy that we got married, so we were married in 1980.
05:14 One of the things that we both have priorities and said
05:20 that you had to do this if I'm going to marry you,
05:22 and you have to do this if I'm going to marry you.
05:24 One of the things that was his priority was that
05:27 I had to go to treatment.
05:28 I had to stop my drug use and,
05:32 Wouldn't it be good if we loved each other enough that
05:37 when we made friends or fell in love that we said,
05:41 you know I love you too much to watch you destroy
05:44 yourself in this way.
05:46 For you to say that, as I know I cannot have you in
05:51 my life with you relying on these drugs,
05:53 even if they are prescription,
05:55 you have to deal with it.
05:56 Right and so I quit, he had told me his story.
06:02 I thought wow, this is really cool.
06:06 Someone with this background can quit drinking?
06:10 On their own? It just shocked me.
06:14 I thought if he could do it I can do it, so I did.
06:19 I remember the last time that I drank was in 1979.
06:23 I was on my way to visit my brother down in
06:29 Colorado with my sister.
06:30 It was less time than I remember drinking and
06:32 I didn't drink after that.
06:34 Then we got married in May of that year, so I said
06:40 I will go to treatment and I did.
06:41 We got married but my priority for him was that he had to
06:50 read The Great Controversy.
06:52 That's funny, so what you are saying is that spiritually,
06:57 because you are raised in an Adventist home,
07:00 or a Christian home.
07:01 So spiritually you are saying I want you to actually look
07:03 at some of this stuff.
07:05 And you had not had that in your background?
07:08 No! So what did you think?
07:10 At that point, I think what I did is I just brushed off her
07:17 request and set it aside.
07:20 He did! He absolutely, he did.
07:24 It wasn't until 20 years later that I did pick it up.
07:30 There was lot of things that went on that we can sit here
07:35 and look back on that she and I have gone through.
07:39 Not only trying to mend our own relationship with addiction
07:45 but me bringing six children into the relationship and
07:49 she bringing in an additional one.
07:51 That is seven and trying to melt all those kids together.
07:55 Also how do we deal with relapse?
08:01 Relapse, going back and saying what is going to happen
08:07 if I go back to drinking?
08:10 Those kinds of issues, and then the other issue that we had
08:16 to talk about was we call and alcoholism, our co-behavior.
08:21 Our not being accretive enough to our offspring,
08:26 to our neighbors, and not telling them that hey,
08:32 you need to go get help.
08:33 What we were doing was oh poor you,
08:35 We will take care of this for you.
08:37 That's the co-behavior, the co's in us are worse than the
08:44 drawn out alcoholic.
08:46 So somebody that is co-dependent how we enable each other
08:51 to stay dysfunctional? Right!
08:54 We do, we allow people to still lie and confront all of that.
08:58 Janet and I had a hard time getting through those issues
09:02 and it took about four or five years just to deal with
09:06 those kinds of things.
09:07 Because you are both being in treatment and walking through
09:12 that, you could talk out loud about some of this stuff which
09:17 is better than most couple gets.
09:18 Most couples don't even know what co-behavior looks like.
09:22 They don't even know how to sit down and have an honest
09:25 discussion about dishonest behavior.
09:28 So she and I both did was about four years after I went
09:36 through rehabilitation treatment,
09:39 I went back to treatment as a co-,
09:43 and that one was harder as a co- then
09:47 being a blown out alcoholic.
09:48 Explain to somebody, why, what is the difference?
09:51 Most of us have some of that, and what you are saying is
09:55 I treated both, I've allowed myself to be educated about
09:59 my alcoholism and in enabling alcoholics around me.
10:03 For the druggies around me.
10:05 It is harder because you have to have the inside ability
10:09 to be able to tell that person that is coming to it and
10:13 saying, oh, I'm having a hard time here which you really
10:17 understand this and make it okay if I didn't do it this time
10:21 Or calling in on Mondays! Or calling in on Mondays
10:26 and simply telling them no!
10:28 You need to go get help and not say that's okay I understand.
10:31 That kind of behavior is changing the inside of you.
10:36 How do you address those kinds of people when in the
10:40 Native American culture you take care of
10:43 those people that are sick.
10:46 It's the closet people.
10:49 We do not talk about issues in our family, outside our family
10:54 but in treatment they were saying at one point,
10:59 I wish we could get rid of all the grandmas.
11:05 In what sense?
11:06 In the sense that grandmas keep us little,
11:09 grandmas keep us helpless, grandma will take care of it.
11:14 Grandma will take care of us, those kinds of issues.
11:19 Grandma does not make us stand up and be responsible
11:23 for our own behavior and that is the kind of thing
11:27 they were trying to teach.
11:29 What is really interesting to me because I love when you
11:31 bring that up, is that the first time someone clearly got
11:34 the concept that I am responsible for my own behavior,
11:37 across to me, I just brought life into my soul.
11:41 It was like if I am totally responsible,
11:44 then can I make it right? Can I actually do this?
11:48 It was a gift and I think they try to do it gentle or
11:53 whatever but when I got that concept
11:55 it was absolutely a gift.
11:57 When God did this to me, God said don't lie to each other,
12:03 don't manipulate and those things.
12:05 Now every time it comes up I can hear the Holy Spirit say,
12:09 No! No! No!, and I am like alright, but it is a real gift
12:13 when somebody says to us that behavior will trip you up.
12:17 It will throw you back into your addictions.
12:19 It took us a while to get through all of this.
12:22 At the same time Janet and I were going to a Seventh-day
12:28 Adventist church faithfully, every Sabbath.
12:31 Growing spiritually? Growing spiritually!
12:35 What she was saying to me was that I am learning about
12:39 your recovery and I want you to learn about my path also.
12:43 So we have done that for 30 years,
12:47 learn about each other's past.
12:50 It wasn't until three years ago.
12:53 That's it? Where you all of a sudden said,
12:56 oh I should let you finish.
12:59 I'm like three years? I'm sorry!
13:03 So what was going on we were doing this together because
13:07 that is our relationship.
13:09 How we got married and the person that married us said,
13:14 you know that marriage is like those Canadian geese
13:19 out there, they mate for life.
13:22 If one falls away they don't get married again.
13:27 So take care of each other and walk together,
13:31 so that is what they told us.
13:33 So we have tried to do that the best we could.
13:37 Janet has not been very pushy in the past so about 3 years
13:47 ago I had a problem with my heart.
13:53 I had a triple bypass and that came out,
14:00 and everything was fine.
14:02 Along about December or October, Janet gets a phone call
14:07 from Holbrook asking her to consider coming down
14:16 and going to work.
14:17 And that is the Holbrook Indian school that's were we met?
14:19 She said well I'm not coming unless my husband comes.
14:26 So they said well ask him. That's funny!
14:32 So this was in October and I know that God was talking
14:38 to her because she came to me in November and said
14:43 I need to ask you something.
14:44 I need to ask you, but never got to it.
14:46 About the first week in December she asked me.
14:50 She said, I need to know by next Tuesday,
14:54 she got very assertive.
14:56 They want me to go down to be considered principal at
15:01 Holbrook Indian school, but I told them I won't go
15:07 unless you wanted to go.
15:08 I need your answer by Monday so I can tell them on Tuesday.
15:13 Yeah I know, I think I did that with the Great Controversy.
15:18 I just set it on the shelf.
15:21 Along about Sunday, she needed the answer by Monday,
15:30 I was reading the daily thoughts for the day,
15:38 and it just so happens in December there was a little
15:42 article about God talking to Abraham.
15:45 God told Abraham to get out of this country and go
15:50 to some place where I want you to go.
15:53 I will make you a great nation.
15:59 Then on Monday I read the same message again.
16:04 On Tuesday I read the same message again.
16:07 Then Tuesday afternoon Janet came in and said,
16:11 I need the answer what is it?
16:13 I said here it is right here.
16:15 And it was clearly there?
16:17 He was clearly there for him.
16:19 So I said I'm already there, I don't know about you.
16:26 So that is where our journey started with going to Holbrook.
16:34 I want to ask you, what amazes me in our recovery,
16:38 is what I have learned for myself is that I thought my
16:42 recovery was just to clean me up.
16:43 Just to stop me from, God didn't want me to be a
16:46 heroine addict, or an alcoholic, or homeless and all that.
16:50 I think it was a point as I walked in my recovery,
16:53 as I started to get it, that God finally said,
16:56 is there a point where you can let that go and let Me
16:59 show you who you are and what I want you to be?
17:02 When He says to you I want you to move, I need you to do
17:05 something bigger than yourself and your recovery,
17:07 is to help these kids to stand up.
17:10 Did you get that sense that we are moving to a incredible..
17:16 It's an incredible journey. It is an incredible journey!
17:22 God has blessed both Janet and I, giving us the same direction
17:30 because we both have worked in education for a long time.
17:35 Maybe some insight on how to help young
17:39 Native American children to become...
17:42 That are lost in addiction and need
17:45 somebody to stand them up, maybe their families
17:48 have been in addictions?
17:49 Maybe, that would give them some sound footing in which
17:55 to begin their own journeys.
17:57 Exactly because you, what was interesting to me when I did
18:00 come out to the school, and Janet you and I talked and I
18:04 realized, I almost heard you in your testimony that God
18:08 was standing up this incredible woman of God in this
18:12 relationship, but then I sit with the kids and realize that
18:15 there are kids that are absolutely incredible.
18:17 at the school, who have no idea who they are.
18:20 The gift that you give them at the school is to show them
18:25 who they are, and allow them to walk into that.
18:29 The school started in 1946 and they have never had an
18:35 Native American person heading that school.
18:38 So when I came on there was a lot of hype about me being
18:42 a Native American, being the first to head the school.
18:47 It scared me because it was what do they expect me to
18:52 create miracles and this and that.
18:55 And I can't fail? I can't fail!
18:58 It really scared me at first, but then I got, what was so
19:03 neat, I was starting to talk with the kids and starting
19:08 to listen to their stories.
19:10 Every single child that goes to that school has a story.
19:16 All the stories that I heard so far, have not been very good.
19:23 They have been very hard and it makes me cry to hear
19:30 the stories inside I can hear their hurt.
19:33 So for me to be there, and all the experience that I have
19:39 gone through, all the education experiences,
19:42 I have worked on reservations most of my career was
19:47 working on reservations with children and learning about
19:51 all kinds of different ways to run a school and
19:56 how to do things and to work with kids.
19:58 It is just something to me is that God has prepared
20:04 all of this, all of this.
20:07 You can feel He is hand in it?
20:09 Yes, even when we were driving over here and it is really
20:14 bad out and snowing, even with that I said to my husband,
20:18 I said, isn't it wonderful how God prepared us to even
20:23 drive in the snow for the school?
20:25 We lived in South Dakota and the snow and ice is all
20:29 South Dakota and we know how to do this.
20:32 It is wonderful how He has done that, every single thing
20:36 that we have gone through is something that we can
20:39 use at the school to help the kids.
20:42 That I think amazes me more than anything.
20:45 I think as addicts that we think it is about one thing.
20:49 At first we think it is only about our recovery.
20:52 It is only the fact that God doesn't want us to drink.
20:56 I think all of heaven says no, it is so bigger than that.
20:59 Because you don't even know who you are.
21:01 You don't know how incredible you are as a woman of God.
21:05 As the giftings He has given you.
21:07 As your ability to speak into the life of the people around
21:10 you, as a man of God, the giftings I have given you.
21:13 When the guy stood in front of you at the school and said
21:16 we have got to reclaim our community, he was really saying
21:20 something much bigger than just getting someone sober.
21:23 We have to reclaim the people, a group.
21:27 I think in my recovery what was interesting to me was getting
21:31 to a point where that is huge, I don't know how to do that
21:35 so I have to let God.
21:38 As soon as you turn it over, and I want to speak to anybody
21:41 that is even watching right now, as soon as you turn it over
21:44 He literally will speak into your life and let you know who
21:47 you are intended to be, and then stand you up.
21:50 All it takes is our willingness to let go and let God.
21:54 It is huge, but do you, do we have any idea how huge that is?
21:58 When we are in the middle of the process?
22:00 Oh no, no, when I was younger I think I was about 18, well 17,
22:07 I was visiting my dad and he said, what do you want be?
22:10 I had just listen to somebody that was on TV, and Evangelist.
22:16 I said I wanted to be an Evangelist.
22:19 He said oh, okay!
22:24 He said don't you want to go to art school, you are really
22:27 good at art, I can send you to art school.
22:30 I said no, I'd like to be an Evangelist.
22:33 You and I one time were talking and it was really funny
22:37 when we work together.
22:38 I'm doing a week of prayer, and you were blessing me by
22:41 letting me come to the school, and you and I with the
22:45 Holy Spirit were so being ministered to that we pulled off
22:49 on the side of the road and just sat as women of God.
22:52 I realized at that point that you are an Evangelist.
22:55 You are a voice for these kids.
23:00 You will teach people what ever they want to know.
23:03 We need to know and we don't have time on this program.
23:06 but we need to know how ignorant we are when we speak of
23:08 the culture that you represent.
23:10 Do you know what I mean, it's because I don't know anything.
23:12 I think I know something and you look at me real kind
23:15 and just like Cheri don't even go there.
23:19 There is so much education that needs to happen.
23:23 I am going to open it up with the kids to ask a question
23:27 if they have one.
23:28 So I'm going to start here with Manuel,
23:31 do you have a question that you would like to ask
23:33 or a comment?
23:35 Mr. Ross what make you want to stop drinking?
23:41 Well I think the reason I wanted to stop drinking is because
23:45 I had six kids that were living with me.
23:49 My oldest son was about 14 or 15 years old.
23:53 I began to realize that they needed more from a father
23:59 then what I was giving them.
24:01 So I basically sobered up for my children.
24:05 I know in treatment they tell you,
24:08 you need to sober up for a higher power.
24:10 But my higher power at that point was my kids.
24:14 So I sobered up for them.
24:16 So you didn't do it for yourself?
24:18 Not at the beginning, it took me about three years to
24:24 understand what the real goal of recovery was.
24:29 It is a very selfish goal in the Indian community,
24:33 but I needed to understand that I needed to sober up for me.
24:37 I did, it took me about two years to find my
24:44 spiritual avenue in which allowed me to feel good about me
24:50 And so it took me a long ways after that.
24:56 I think what a lot of people don't understand with alcohol
25:00 and with drugs, is that usually years of using alcohol you
25:03 don't have a sense of who you are, what you believe, or what
25:07 you think, everything is about the next high, or the next drink
25:11 It is really tough to get in touch with anything that
25:14 is worth saving or living for.
25:17 With the understanding to, as a practicing alcoholic,
25:22 when I started drinking I was 13.
25:28 When I sobered up I was 35,
25:33 but with the mentality of a 13-year-old.
25:37 You know that is the truth.
25:40 I already had grown kids and I was younger than my oldest son.
25:45 What is really funny when you said that your wife is like,
25:50 yes, exactly 13.
25:53 Because we get stuck at that behavior.
25:59 Where ever you start drinking is the age that you stay
26:03 at until you quit.
26:05 So if you are 13, like he was, and he quit at 35 his
26:11 mentality was still 13.
26:14 So you grow 2 ways, you grow in being able to,
26:18 we still say we are recovering alcoholics,
26:21 we are still alcoholics no matter what,
26:23 we are still alcoholics.
26:25 But as we recover we also will recover in maturity level
26:30 so as we get older our lives get better because we get
26:34 to become adults instead of being children.
26:36 What is really fun to me about the whole recovery,
26:38 is learning to even play.
26:40 My play was so twisted because of the addictions,
26:44 so learning how to play and laugh and socialize
26:47 and be responsible.
26:50 Somebody would say just be responsible, I would be going
26:52 I don't want to, I so don't want to do that.
26:55 We are these rebellious kids and it is really interesting
27:00 when you said you got married in that stage.
27:03 So the first five years, you say that very easily but
27:07 it would was pretty tough to grow up together.
27:10 Yeah very hard.
27:12 I think it got easier when I found a little sense of
27:15 my own spiritual growth.
27:17 I found what God meant to me at that point in time.
27:23 And God asked me through various ways to keep walking,
27:28 keep walking I have something for you.
27:31 I'm still waiting for that, but in God's own time
27:37 He will come through and I believe that.
27:40 We have another question Lorenzo you had a question.
27:43 Yeah I know part of the effects when you give up something
27:48 like also giving up everything about it.
27:52 For both of you what do you miss about giving up
27:58 your addictions and what are you happy that
28:01 you've gained in return?
28:05 That is a great question! Good question!
28:06 I don't miss anything about giving up my addictions because
28:12 I was so afraid of it, When I decided to quit.
28:15 I decided that was it, so I was looking for a way to quit.
28:20 I did not want to do this anymore.
28:22 I didn't want to get drunk, I didn't want to, I had a child
28:26 that was three years old and I couldn't be a mother
28:32 and be that way.
28:34 So I was looking for a way, I didn't know how to do that.
28:40 I didn't know what to do and so when I met Heppy then it
28:46 was like wow, here is someone that quit.
28:50 He gave me strength because he quit.
28:54 So there is nothing in addiction in fact we have a saying
29:00 as an alcoholic, once you quit if you take another drink,
29:05 then you are lost for ever because you can't come back.
29:11 It is hard, you lose everything and that is too much to
29:16 lose so there is nothing about addiction that
29:19 I would not ever, ever want.
29:20 I don't like the highs I don't like any of it.
29:23 Having to lie and manipulate to make excuses
29:27 at home and at work.
29:28 Exactly, exactly!
29:30 The only thing, the thing on my own addiction that
29:34 worked for me is I could totally escape.
29:37 If I was in pain, or dealing with something in my past,
29:41 or some stress I didn't want to deal with, one thing that
29:44 worked for me every time for me is I could totally escape.
29:48 It was hard for me to learn, like when you said what did you
29:51 replace it with, in learn to replace that you and learn
29:55 not to escape with something that is going to create
29:58 more issues for me.
30:00 I had to replace it with something that was healthier.
30:02 Did you find that?
30:03 It took me a long time to find that and God was what
30:09 I replaced it with.
30:11 Because He is so cool, I have a crush on Him right now.
30:14 He does such wonderful things
30:17 and I didn't really understand God
30:21 that much and until the last couple years when I
30:25 ask God to please help me to know Him.
30:28 What kind of things did He do?
30:32 Because that is big recovery stuff, show me Your face.
30:37 Part of it was I started reading the Bible and I asked
30:43 God what part shall I read?
30:45 He said read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John because those are
30:49 My in the red words, read that over and over.
30:52 In the red for people who don't know that,
30:55 the red letters are the words of Christ Himself.
30:59 Yes, and so I think I read those books may be 5 or 10 times,
31:04 just going over it.
31:07 Now I'm going back to it again, I am reading it again.
31:09 Every time I read it feels like I am learning more, and more,
31:15 and He is giving me more strength to do that.
31:25 I used to get into depression, severe depression.
31:28 They were so debilitating that I would end up in a corner
31:34 crying for hours and hours and hours.
31:38 Then when I couldn't cry anymore then it was like it took me
31:44 2 to 3 weeks to be able to even function again.
31:48 As I stop drinking those continued.
31:58 A lot of people will say you self medicated to not deal
32:03 with drinking and drugs.
32:05 Right! So those continued but what happened was about
32:10 3 years ago I started to get into a depression.
32:15 I got into it but it was like for maybe a week instead
32:20 of 2 or 3,4 weeks, it was a week and when I came out again
32:24 God helped me out of it.
32:26 He said you can't do that anymore,
32:29 you don't have any more energy. You're dead to that now.
32:33 The energy that it takes for you to come back to Me
32:37 is too much, you do not have that anymore.
32:40 You cannot get depressed anymore.
32:43 So every time Satan comes to me and says you are not a
32:48 very good person, you do this, even the school things,
32:52 you are not a good principle.
32:54 You do this, I have to say to Satan, get away from me.
32:58 I'm not listening anymore.
33:01 Right, God is here and I don't have the energy and
33:03 He said that and I'm not going to do that anymore.
33:09 That has made me love God so much more because to be
33:15 relieved of those depressions it's huge.
33:18 What is really interesting because I think that is
33:22 the other side of recovery.
33:23 It is not only freedom from the drugs and alcohol,
33:26 but let Me show you a different way to live.
33:28 Don't receive the depression anymore.
33:30 What He told me with mine, is when all that stuff starts
33:33 hitting you, don't let it play out in your head and go out
33:36 and ride your bike, go out and do something.
33:39 I have a bike that I ride.
33:41 It is really interesting that God says, let Me show you
33:44 a different way, everything that you use to do, got you
33:47 to the place where you wanted to drink or use,
33:50 so don't do it that way.
33:52 He told me to sing songs in my head.
33:55 So I am not a very good singer,
33:57 so in my head I am really good.
34:01 I can carry a tune.
34:02 I can carry a tune I know all the tunes in my head.
34:05 I love that.
34:07 I asked God to really help me to try and
34:09 remember those words.
34:10 That is what has helped me so much is that every step of
34:16 the way, sometimes I fall back.
34:18 There are times when I fall back and I start saying what
34:23 am I doing here? I'm trying to help the kids in here I'm
34:28 doing, not doing good and God says, stop it!
34:35 You are doing good!
34:36 Yeah, stop it, you are fine.
34:37 So there is nothing about addiction to me is of any use.
34:45 So what did you replace it with?
34:47 Because the second part of your question was what
34:49 did you replace it with?
34:52 In actuality I don't know.
34:55 You said God for one.
34:57 Because I learned later as I started to read the Bible.
35:01 Can I answer for you then?
35:02 Yes, how about your passion for these kids?
35:07 Oh yeah, teaching, teaching and being with.
35:11 Finding someone to reach out to.
35:14 12 step programs talk about taking
35:17 the message to someone else.
35:18 The message that I learned I'm taking to someone else,
35:20 and I think if we do not do that.
35:23 We actually get stuck, there is a thing about saying
35:28 I cannot take everything that I have been blessed with.
35:31 I can't take all this thing I'm being healed with and
35:35 keep it in my own pockets.
35:36 Help somebody else with it.
35:38 It feels really weird if you try to do that, you just can't.
35:43 You can't and I worked in Native American schools almost
35:47 the whole time that I have worked.
35:50 I tried working in non-native schools and
35:55 that doesn't work for me.
35:57 It doesn't work because it's not your calling.
35:59 We have so ran out of time and it kills me to say goodbye to
36:02 you two, I want to say goodbye and say thank you for coming.
36:06 I want to say that if anybody out there hears and wants to
36:10 pray for your Ministry, pray for you individually,
36:14 and then the Ministry and man I love you guys.
36:17 We will be right back, stay with us!