Celebrating Life in Recovery

Youth Outreach

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Monica Barlow


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR00042B

00:13 Welcome back, you know, we've been talking to Stephanie
00:16 on the last segment with Monica and then Stephanie.
00:20 And for some of it was tough to hear what she had to say as
00:23 a child that has been abandoned, has been molested has been
00:26 kind of left on her own.
00:29 But you know what as you think about that don't forget
00:33 she was taken into the home of Monica and her husband.
00:36 She's been loved by them, they will not abandon her,
00:40 they will not they are her parents.
00:42 They have so stepped into her life.
00:44 There are people around her right now, that will walk
00:47 her through whatever she has to walk through,
00:49 not because they have to, they love her.
00:52 She has friends right now that are committed to her and
00:56 helping her walk through that.
00:57 Like I said, for me, she comes up in the weirdest
01:00 time, she'll come up in my mind.
01:02 I think we met Monica a few years ago, you know.
01:07 So a few years ago that we met and I still constantly
01:10 just think of her because I remember the struggle for me
01:13 when God was first standing me up and tried to heal me
01:16 from all that damage, it takes time.
01:19 So now I want to introduce you to Amanda, and Amanda has
01:23 a whole different story.
01:24 Well, you know, sometimes I think, go ahead start coming
01:27 up, sometimes that's a different story but not really in
01:31 a sense it is the same story with different circumstances.
01:34 Who are you and where did you come from and first of all
01:38 I have to say I know this is hard for you.
01:40 Yeah, well, when I was really young.
01:44 I lived with my mom and real dad.
01:48 He beat my mom for 9 years, she was very
01:52 young when she had me.
01:53 It was kind of hard - it was kind of a violent home
01:59 definitely - yeah, yeah - and you watched that and
02:01 remember watching it - yeah, he hit us to but
02:04 I don't really remember because I know we were really,
02:08 little, though he would get very mad and take all of his
02:11 anger out on everyone that was around.
02:13 I remember when I was a kid with my dad because my dad
02:17 was violent like that.
02:18 We would just scatter like little mice, poof, because
02:22 you would know when to be in the room and when
02:23 not to be in the room.
02:24 When to be visible when not to, and if dad was not
02:27 happy it was like, let me find something to do in my
02:30 room, or maybe even under my bed.
02:31 We would actually hide sometimes too because I remember
02:35 when he would get really mad.
02:36 He would immediately go to my mom and try to hit her or
02:39 yell at her and stuff like that, so we would run to the
02:43 bedroom and hide in there and lock the door.
02:46 I remember one specific time, and I was really little,
02:49 but I remember some of it.
02:50 We were hiding in the room, because we knew something
02:53 was going to happen and he was going to get mad and he
02:57 was really mad because we hid in the room so he hit the
02:59 door and knocked it open - just shattered the door.
03:02 Yeah we ran outside, we climbed through the window and
03:05 went outside and tried to jump the gate.
03:07 It was a tall gate, and we were - really little.
03:10 So we trying to get up on the gate, and so we were just
03:13 trying to run because we thought he was going
03:15 to get mad at us too.
03:16 But we didn't do anything and so - for little kids,
03:19 what really is interesting and I know as you're little.
03:23 for me, I didn't have any perspective.
03:25 And there was some times I was wondering if I was going to be
03:28 killed, I wonder if he's going to kill me - yes - this time.
03:31 In its like, it's a weird thing, and probably you are
03:34 not in that much danger, but it does feel like that.
03:38 It kind of feels like he's so angry that you don't
03:41 know what he can do.
03:42 You see their face - he's so out of line and control -
03:45 yeah, exactly.
03:46 Satan has totally taken over him and he doesn't
03:50 know what he's going to do - I know that you didn't
03:54 live with your folks whole time.
03:56 What happened and what moved you out of that house?
03:59 When I was about 2, my mom gave me to my grandma because
04:03 he started telling me to call my mom bad names.
04:12 I did, because I didn't understand what was and I feel
04:15 kind of bad now because I think it really hurt my mom
04:18 for what I said, but I don't know exactly what I said.
04:22 But I started getting mad at him and saying don't hit my
04:25 mom, stop this, and I was only 2.
04:27 My mom was scared that he was going to like kill me or
04:30 something, because I was talking back to him.
04:32 So she gave me to my grandma and I was really angry at
04:37 her because she kept my sister Carina and my brother Raymond.
04:41 I thought she didn't want me, so I was just like mad and
04:43 hated my parents and didn't want anything to do with them.
04:46 So I stayed with my grandmother and was really close to
04:49 my grandmother - grandma and grandpa or just grandma -
04:52 just my grandma.
04:53 She had a boyfriend, that sounds kind of weird, but she
04:56 had a boyfriend - she's a girl she's allowed have a boyfriend.
04:59 She had a boyfriend - she's like 50, how old is that.
05:01 No - oh, sorry, excuse me, alright.
05:05 I didn't mean that, I'm sorry.
05:09 I love you, alright.
05:10 Well its sounds kind of weird, my grandma had a
05:14 boyfriend, but he was a drunk - not to any 50 year
05:17 olds out there - his mind was just on the floor.
05:19 He didn't know what he was doing.
05:20 So you moved from the violence and to alcoholism with
05:26 your grandma's boyfriend.
05:27 He wasn't always around, and my grandma kind of got rid
05:30 of him because he was just falling over tables, because
05:33 he was so drunk.
05:34 So, she said she finally had enough and said I'm done
05:38 with you, and threw his stuff out the door.
05:40 So I was really close to my grandma, she was one of the
05:45 greatest people in the world.
05:46 I looked up to her and I loved her so much.
05:49 And I was really close to her because I had no
05:52 relationship with my parents.
05:53 But then December 24th, which is the day before Christmas.
06:00 Well, she started getting really sick, because she
06:05 smoked from when she was in 6th grade, so she's smoked
06:09 a long time, she kept trying to quit.
06:11 I can't tell her to quit and would actually get so
06:14 mad at my parents and my grandmother
06:15 because everybody smoked.
06:16 And I hated it, one time I was like I'm going
06:19 to grab their cigarettes and rip them up and
06:21 bury them in the ground.
06:23 And I know, they will get mad at me but I don't care.
06:25 As if there's no more cigarettes on the planet if I did
06:28 it - yeah, and I - but kids think like that.
06:30 We weren't the richest family, we have food stamps and
06:35 stuff like that, but so much money went to cigarettes,
06:39 and it just annoyed me because I was like why are we
06:43 spending so much on cigarettes.
06:45 But anyway, so she started getting really sick.
06:49 And I remember, I came and started going with Luke and
06:53 Candace which were people in a group called Pathfinders.
06:57 It's like a boy's Girl Scout thing, but its religious - right
07:01 I love that group, I was a Pathfinder leader once.
07:05 I really had fun with that.
07:07 Oh well I was having a hard time because I had moved in with my
07:13 dad and I don't get along with my dad at all, because I
07:16 just, I don't know.
07:18 Because he was violent - yeah, he is changing now, but
07:23 he still - still has junk - he actually stopped drugs and
07:29 alcohol, stuff like that, that's good I should
07:31 give him some credit - right.
07:32 So anyway Luke and Candace took me in - Luke and
07:35 Candace are related to Monica - yeah, yes.
07:40 Luke's aunt is Monica - okay - so they took me in and
07:44 at first - they must be just the coolest family on the
07:49 planet right, this family - yeah.
07:50 I mean, everybody is rescuing kids - they are like just
07:53 come on - how fun is that.
07:55 But yeah, they took me in and at first I was like.
07:59 Well, I had a hard time, I'm going to live with
08:02 this family, they have stuff a home way
08:06 better than my house.
08:07 So I was just like sweet, this is going to be really fun.
08:10 I moved in, and I remember the first few months was hard
08:16 on them, because - you're so nice, that you were hard on them
08:21 Well, so anyway moved in their house, and I really
08:29 started to see how they were very Godly.
08:32 They really showed me things that I didn't get to see in my
08:36 old family because there was no love.
08:38 Well, like no one really associated with each other -
08:41 because all that junk was happening - yeah, and
08:44 everybody was doing their own thing.
08:45 The kids were out of the house, my mom was doing stuff
08:48 at the house and everybody was just into their own stuff.
08:53 So was really cool to see how Godly they were, there was no
08:58 arguing, because ours was use to Ah, you know, the yelling.
09:03 But in their house, they sat down and talked about it,
09:05 they would leave each other for awhile and then come
09:08 back and discussed everything.
09:10 They didn't just yell and throw things - they were not
09:13 out of control - yeah.
09:14 Even if they had to deal with issues they dealt with
09:18 them, just were out of control.
09:19 Yes, my siblings and I had issues with each other,
09:22 we would throw things at each other,
09:23 you know chase each other around the house with knives.
09:25 You know what I want to do is I want to meet your mom.
09:29 And I got to meet her, because you said to me at one
09:32 point is that you wanted me to meet your mom.
09:35 And you are so proud of her recovery and her journey
09:39 with God and that was unfolding for her and that you
09:43 were so proud you wanted to introduce us.
09:45 And I met her on My Space which cracks me up, okay.
09:48 So I'm going to bring your mom up.
09:49 Okay, will you come up, and I just want to say, go ahead
09:53 and have a seat, when you come up Rosalina right?
09:55 We haven't met in person other than today I met you online.
10:01 So now what I want you to tell us is that she talked
10:06 about the home life, that must be hard to hear from your child.
10:10 You know, it is, but it isn't because of who I used to
10:16 be, I can help others today.
10:18 So was her take on it, you know more about what was
10:22 happening in the relationship than even she does,
10:25 because she was a kid - yeah.
10:26 Well, there was a lot of fear why I gave her away.
10:29 And what I should have done was gotten rid of the
10:32 relationship, but at 16 years old, a child trying
10:35 to raise a child.
10:37 I decided to protect her, the best thing to do is to
10:40 give her away not knowing it was going to stir up anger
10:43 issues later - and you know, what is really interesting
10:46 is that my mom got rid of me at 2 when I was little
10:49 and I was 10 or sent me to live with an aunt.
10:52 She set me to live with somebody she knew would love me.
10:55 And that's probably what you do with your mom and her,
10:57 because she knew she would take care of you.
11:00 So, you are 16, you were a kid yourself.
11:02 With somebody that was violent - yeah, I was a kid and
11:05 going to school, and always working trying to support
11:08 everything because he didn't work or anything.
11:11 Throughout the years I went on with the abuse,
11:15 went on with the hurt.
11:16 Then I started to do some things that were not me.
11:19 I used be raised in church, and so there were a
11:22 conscience of knowing what I was doing and it was not
11:26 what God had wanted.
11:27 And knowing that there was a lot of things that
11:31 God had His hand on.
11:32 There was a lot of things that I could have done but
11:34 didn't do because there was that spirit that lived
11:36 inside of me - when you looked back on that you can see
11:39 clearly - oh yeah - not when you were there, but when
11:42 you look back - yeah.
11:43 And then I discovered the drugs - then somebody says
11:45 the hand of God was not on me, and I
11:48 I'm thinking, you would not survived it.
11:49 Then I experienced drugs for a couple years and ended up
11:53 going to jail and in the process of me going to jail
11:57 Amanda ended up with Candace and Luke.
11:59 It has just been a blessing watching myself grow - when
12:03 did God come back into your life where you said - 3
12:08 years ago - alright - and now I have - give me a kiss.
12:12 And I've served the community and dealing with other
12:16 women who have experienced the same experience.
12:19 And so when he came back in jail - came back in a
12:23 recovery home and surrendered October 19,2005 and I
12:26 surrendered everything to Him - you know that your
12:29 daughter was so proud of you that she Like when I met her.
12:34 You have to meet my mom.
12:36 It's like with somebody tells me that.
12:39 And I see in their eyes that you just have to meet her,
12:43 you know, you have to meet her and she's coming back to
12:46 God and loving that.
12:48 It is stepping into a ministry, working with other
12:51 women, how cool is that!
12:54 And the damage that happens in our lives still has to
12:57 unfold God still has to heal it, all that kind of stuff,
13:01 but God says, you know what I will make all things good.
13:04 Amen - and I'm thinking, how do you do that - a gift
13:07 for those who love Him - what is really interesting
13:10 is, as He unfolds that and it all turns out.
13:11 You see children blessed and relationships blessed and
13:15 all that kind of stuff.
13:17 You are remarried to a wonderful guy, I wish we had time
13:19 to introduce him, cause he's here with you now, and God
13:22 is blessing your life.
13:24 Incredible, I want to introduce Beau, thank you for joining us.
13:28 So what was funny is when I looked up and saw you, I thought
13:33 know what you probably just came out from smoking weed
13:36 in the back room.
13:37 That is the first thing I thought about.
13:38 So I want, you just tell us was that take right and who
13:41 drug you to the meeting?
13:43 Well, the take was right, it was.
13:46 Getting drug to the meetings wasn't really.
13:50 I never really got drug to meetings.
13:53 I volunteered, ever since I grew up kind of always had
13:59 something to do with the church.
14:00 No matter what my mom was really never a churchgoer
14:02 but I always had something to do with the church.
14:04 Coming to see you was kind of dreadful at first - can I
14:09 ask, can I ask you because when you said that I know
14:13 you're living with Monica right?
14:15 She is not your mom, you call her mom, but she's not
14:18 your real mom.
14:19 And so where did you come from and briefly go into that.
14:22 And that I just want to get back to where I met you.
14:25 I just fell in love with you, I just think you're coolest ever
14:27 So how did you where did you come from?
14:30 I came from Modesto so I was born in Sonora
14:33 originally in California.
14:34 I live with my mom, and it was just a drug addict area.
14:38 She always made sure there was a roof over my head, but
14:42 no matter where ever I went.
14:45 There was always a church somewhere near round - was
14:47 your dad around - no.
14:48 My dad left when I was 3, and my mom went to drive
14:51 me up to see him one time, and all of a sudden he was
14:53 just gone and I haven't seen him since.
14:55 but you know it's him missing out not just me.
14:59 So just doing that and I lived with my mom for a while
15:05 and she sent me to my grandma.
15:07 She moved to a small town in the mountains and kind of
15:10 recovered from drugs.
15:11 She has really turned her life around - Amen,
15:15 how cool is that!
15:16 It's nice to see it, she has got another boyfriend now,
15:20 with a 7-year-old boy, my little brother - your brother.
15:25 So your living with Monica, how did that happen?
15:30 And how did you get in their place?
15:31 Well just being a teenager I was, and never really listened
15:35 to my mom, I kind of fell into smoking weed and just
15:39 doing bad things in school.
15:42 The community - you got kicked out of a few schools -
15:46 yeah, I did, I did - when you say that you say it's so
15:49 nice like, I kind of did, and I'm thinking kind of, you
15:53 got kicked out they didn't even want you there.
15:55 That's like get this guy out of here, out of I my life,
15:58 and so when you ended up with Monica it cracks me up
16:02 because she's such a sweetie, but you are probably hard
16:05 to deal with, at first.
16:06 Oh, I guarantee you I was without question - and as
16:08 sweet as you look, I'm thinking he's so calm his
16:11 testimony and I'm like, get out.
16:13 Because to me, all that junk, just kind of followed you
16:17 where ever you went, and you know, for authority for
16:20 someone to tell you what to do it was like hold off.
16:23 Yeah, big time, big time, yeah hold off.
16:25 I have big-time problem with authority - of course, why
16:28 wouldn't you, I mean with the life that you've had.
16:30 Why wouldn't you - kind of growing up in teaching
16:33 myself and just taught in going through the motions.
16:38 So one point I kind of called you out at smoking weed in
16:41 front of the congregation and everybody laughed because
16:44 everybody knew I was telling the truth, but I didn't know
16:46 that they knew, so talk about about our meeting.
16:49 Is there anything in particular that you remember
16:52 about that meeting?
16:53 Oh Man, okay, you know, we were walking in to the
17:00 church, and I see you seen up there and I'm thinking, oh great
17:02 Oh this crazy ex-drug addict lady, she is just going to
17:05 go on about her story and ramble on about God and say.
17:07 She gave her life, blah, blah, blah.
17:09 And you know, I'd drove from Grove land, and I had my
17:13 little brother with me.
17:14 I ended up sitting in the front row, because you asked
17:18 for some of the teenagers to come sit in the front row
17:21 for a demonstration or something - I needed everybody
17:25 in the front row, leave and you guys came up.
17:27 Exactly, and we walked up and were sitting down and you
17:32 had a 20 dollar bill in your hand.
17:33 And you go, who wants to trade a 20 dollar bill for a 50?
17:37 My mom here is I will and she traded a 50 dollar bill,
17:40 and you are hold in this 50 dollar bill in your hand.
17:44 50 dollar bill, so I will do a demonstration - that's
17:47 the real 50 let me see.
17:48 And it's not fake it's not forfeited or nothing.
17:51 It's a real 50- it is - I got from the bank - it's
17:53 really new - it's it is, its crispy.
17:55 So are you going to do the demonstration - I am just
17:57 because I can.
17:59 So she takes his 50 dollar bill and shows it around and
18:03 ask who wants this 50 dollar bill, and everybody is like
18:08 woo Hoo well, anytime - all the kids were crazy, it
18:11 was like I so want it.
18:13 Well yeah cause, you know the town that live we live in
18:16 is small, and there's not really that much money that
18:20 floats around.
18:21 Not that many jobs that you can do and stuff like that,
18:23 So 50 dollars is hey you know,
18:26 anyways, so you know you're holding it in crinkling it up.
18:29 And you throw down on the ground and kind of step on it.
18:32 Then you pick it up, and this was the one that really
18:38 got everybody, you spit on it and crumbled it up - well
18:43 I heard in the background, Yew, and so I asked if
18:48 they still want this 50 bucks?
18:49 And some people put their hand down, everybody were like Yeah.
18:51 And she spreads it out and said well, who wants this
18:54 50 dollar bill?
18:55 And I'm like well I'll still take it - and you asked me why?
19:00 it's been spit on, stepped on, it doesn't look as
19:03 good as it did before - and I said, because it is still
19:06 worth the same.
19:07 And you turned around and said, that is the way God looks at us.
19:10 That was really big, that 50 dollar bill was my life at
19:15 a younger age, getting stepped on, spit on, not physically
19:21 really, but - exactly.
19:22 But in that whole sense - and God still wanted me.
19:26 And so that was a big thing.
19:28 Then you go on talking to the people in church, and you
19:31 are standing pretty much on the other side - so I had
19:34 given him the 50 bucks, because he got it, he so got it.
19:37 I just thought, you know what I'll just pray, everything
19:40 in me just wanted to pray that he literally heard that
19:43 even though you're acting like an idiot, you're angry,
19:46 you're smoking weed or
19:48 what ever God does not look at you any different than
19:51 the person He created you to be.
19:52 He knew you from the womb, He has always known you
19:54 and always loved you.
19:56 When I gave him the 50 dollars I, it was almost like
19:59 part of me wanted to say, please never forget this.
20:01 So I gave him the 50 bucks, and then I go on talking
20:04 right - right.
20:05 And it's not like 5 minutes later.
20:08 It's more like 20 minutes later, and she's talking
20:11 an I don't remember what she is talking about, her story.
20:15 She's talking about the whole drug thing and all that other
20:20 good stuff, anyway no, and she just stops dead in her tracks.
20:25 It might be the one brain cell thing I'm not sure - and
20:28 it lined up with you - and all of a sudden she just
20:31 turns and goes, you're not going to buy a weed with that are you?
20:33 She just hit me straight on the spot and I totally
20:37 wasn't expecting it and was like no.
20:39 What do you mean, you know.
20:42 Just for everybody to know, I went and got gas - and
20:46 what is really interesting to me because I hadn't seen
20:49 you since then.
20:50 And when I first ran into him on this trip, he literally
20:52 came up to me and said to me I want you to know that I
20:54 went and bought gas with that.
20:56 I just want to say that for one, how cool you were to remember
21:00 let me know that, I know that God has a plan for your life.
21:04 Because you didn't want to come here again to this drug addict
21:09 talk about her story and God.
21:10 Well no, I did, I mean, I was excited about it, but on
21:14 the way here things kind of happened.
21:16 My heart started to get hardened and we showed up and I
21:20 was just like, I don't even want to be here, I just want
21:23 to go home - you just drove 36 hours - I'm
21:25 just sitting there listening to music.
21:27 I'm just like you know, I do not want to be here,
21:31 spending money that I do not have, and I was really
21:34 excited about it at first, you know.
21:36 I just didn't really know what was happening - then
21:40 last night you meant a group that - that night we found
21:44 out they had a small concert.
21:47 We went out and ate - and this was the Otto family
21:50 concert and they are an incredible group from Australia.
21:53 So, they have been blessing us with being on the show,
21:56 but also did a concert in town.
21:58 We went out in ate I figured we come back and it will
22:01 be too and I don't want to show up in the middle of
22:03 it, or nothing like that.
22:05 We ended up getting back it was only like 7:15.
22:09 Mom and them drove down and put some groceries away and
22:14 I walked on down.
22:15 As soon as I walked into the building my whole body just
22:20 started tingling, I mean literally as soon as I stepped,
22:25 the first step it was like woof.
22:28 Softened, I was like wow - what is happening - what in
22:34 the world, you know.
22:35 I don't have the piece of paper, but um, one second with that.
22:40 So I walked in and set down in the very back, mom didn't
22:44 know I was there a you didn't know was there.
22:45 And I almost went up and sat next to you, but nobody
22:48 really knew I was there.
22:49 And I was sitting there listening to them and my heart
22:51 really started to get softened.
22:53 This one little girl, she was 7 years old Danielle.
22:57 She was sitting in front of me kind of sitting there
23:02 holding her grandma and stuff like that.
23:04 All of a sudden gets up and she is writing on this piece of
23:07 paper, she's just writing stuff down, writing stuff down.
23:10 And she just really concentrated on this piece of
23:14 paper, and I'm like okay, she's just drawing to keep
23:17 yourself occupied.
23:18 And I'm paying attention to everybody up on stage and
23:22 stuff like that and all of a sudden I see out of the
23:25 corner my eye this little piece of paper moving
23:27 down on the floor.
23:28 I'm like, you know, my legs are crossed and I am kind of
23:33 just watching.
23:34 This piece of paper is getting pushed closer to me from
23:37 underneath the seat.
23:38 And this little girl just kind of leaning back-and-forth at me.
23:42 All of a sudden, I looked down and read the piece of
23:45 paper and it said, God loves you no matter what.
23:48 And it was a picture of me and this little girl Danielle
23:51 sitting in front of me.
23:53 It was just like whoa - Amen - I don't even know this
23:57 little girl, I didn't even know she was 7 years old
24:01 until after the fact.
24:02 I just figured another little girl - you just bless you
24:07 - it was like woo - wow.
24:10 Do you know what I am sorry to say that we have to
24:14 close, but I know that God is after you, and He's put
24:17 you in a cool place and the fact that He brought you
24:21 into my life I feel grateful.
24:22 I feel grateful - I'm glad He put you in mine - last
24:25 night after the concert, they hung out and blessed you
24:27 more, you left with the band.
24:29 Oh Man! - how cool are you?
24:30 Okay by, I love you, I love you.
24:34 And do I get that 50 bucks, Amen - alright.
24:39 We are going to go ahead and take a break and I want you
24:42 to know that as you have seen in every one of these
24:44 folks, God wants to be so present in your life too.
24:47 And I don't care who you are, if you are smoking weed in
24:50 the back, or you just coming from a horrible situation,
24:52 or just coming from a treatment center, you are just coming
24:55 from jail, or you are sitting in the church just dying because
24:58 you haven't been sharing with anybody who you are.
25:00 God knows who you are, and He loves you, He loves you,
25:03 and he'll will have like little girls who are 7 slide
25:06 notes to you, I love you no matter what, I love you.
25:10 We will be right back, stay with us!


Revised 2014-12-17