Celebrating Life in Recovery

Life Beyond The Bars

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Lemuel Vega


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR00038B

00:13 You know on the last segment we were talking about, Lem
00:17 we were talking about you coming out of prison.
00:19 All of the sudden a doctor giving you drugs and starting
00:22 that whole cycle again.
00:23 I was going to bring your wife up and introduce Donna
00:26 and all that kind of stuff.
00:27 But I really think I would like to stay, if it is
00:30 alright with you, with just what is on your heart about
00:32 addictions, and that lifestyle, and how tough
00:34 it is to come out.
00:35 I know that for you this is a big deal, you are not
00:38 telling your story just to tell your story.
00:40 You know there is people lost our there in all this.
00:42 Cheri, I don't care how hopeless that these people at home,
00:46 in prison, around the world may feel today.
00:49 I don't care how bad your dad beat you, I don't care how much
00:52 drugs you've done, who you've robbed.
00:53 I'll tell you what, there is no hope, we continue
00:58 to do things in our lives that are un-manageable.
01:02 We continue to make the same mistakes in our life,
01:06 and we get the same results.
01:07 We go to prison and find ourselves separated from
01:09 our families and hopelessness and despair.
01:12 We want to fit in, we want to be somebody special in society.
01:15 In seeking that all my life, prison didn't teach me
01:21 nothing, the doctors couldn't help me, the psychiatrist
01:25 in my young age didn't help me.
01:26 The beatings didn't help me, sick and ready to die.
01:32 I've been out of prison Cheri, 24 years.
01:35 Sick and ready to die, 11 years ago.
01:37 I got down on my knees in a hospital room.
01:41 For the first time in my life I wanted help.
01:44 I got down on my knees and asked Jesus Christ,
01:48 I said, Will you help me? I want to quit but I can't.
01:52 And this is even in a physc unit, you're in the hospital,
01:55 and still people are bringing in drugs,
01:57 still people asking you for drugs.
01:59 So not even when you were in a safe place trying to do
02:02 recovery you still have this bombardment and saying that
02:06 doctors are going to give it to me, or people in the drug
02:09 world are going to give it to me, I just don't even know
02:12 how to get out of this.
02:13 I wanted out, I got down on my knees, I walked over and
02:16 saw the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen in my whole life.
02:19 And I knew that as God had created that for a few
02:22 moments, it was there for a few minutes, a sunset only
02:25 lasts for a few minutes.
02:26 I don't care what part of the world you are in.
02:27 Jesus Christ could create that and be gone in a few minutes.
02:31 I knew that He could help me.
02:33 I asked Him for that help in my life and Cheri I got up off my
02:37 knees, for the first time with some hope in my life.
02:40 I left my drugs in the parking lot, I didn't want them
02:43 no more, but I wanted something different.
02:45 I asked Him for help in my life.
02:47 I had some hope, was there trials, was there struggles,
02:50 Yes there was!
02:51 But I'll tell you what, for the first time in my life.
02:54 There was some meaning in my life.
02:55 Less than 24 hours clean.
02:57 It was a daily struggle, the nightmares, the bad dreams.
03:02 My sponsor told me make 90 meetings in 90 days.
03:05 You know, I never heard about Narcotics Anonymous
03:09 before, or Alcoholics Anonymous before.
03:11 I never went to Narcotics Anonymous meeting, but I went
03:14 to my third meeting with about 4 or 5 days clean.
03:18 There was this lady sitting across the room in a red coat.
03:21 She had blonde hair, and I couldn't even look at her.
03:24 She was telling me she had five years clean, to keep coming back
03:28 I couldn't even hope to have a week clean.
03:31 I had just had a few days so, I don't care where you
03:34 are at in society, your problems and issues.
03:37 Ask Jesus Christ for help with your life you've
03:40 never really been able to do it on your own, as
03:43 I was never able to do it my own.
03:44 But I know that He will help you, He will empower you,
03:47 you will be forgiven for the burdens of guilt that your
03:50 are carrying through society.
03:52 What ever it is you've done there is
03:53 forgiveness and hope.
03:54 You can feel that, when God steps in, you can feel that.
03:57 God doesn't shame you or condemn you in any sense.
04:00 You know, I was so crazy Cheri the world is so messed up.
04:05 I mean, I was going to meetings from 8 to 10 at night.
04:08 Then I'd go home, I'd rent three or four videos and
04:11 watch all these gangster robberies and murders in
04:14 drugs and all this stuff.
04:15 So I would sit up for hours watching that stuff,
04:17 but yet I'm trying to stay recovered.
04:19 In society, I do not think we realize the stuff we
04:21 put into our minds.
04:23 The magazines, in Hollywood and all that stuff they
04:27 sell it to us on every corner.
04:28 But when we go out and act out on it,
04:31 then we get locked up for it.
04:33 And so we just feel hopeless, I mean, I got rid of my
04:36 TV when I probably had maybe a year clean.
04:40 You just said I can't do it, I can't watch this stuff
04:43 and stay in recovery.
04:44 So, did you feel or know that that was God saying Lem,
04:48 you can't keep feeding this into your head.
04:51 I wasn't sure where it came from.
04:52 I had started reading the Bible.
04:54 And I wanted what was right, I think that was just a way
04:57 for Him to help me get a more meaningful relationship
04:59 with Him, because we can't have both.
05:01 I mean we can't have the world and have a good
05:03 meaningful relationship with purpose and meaning.
05:06 And it takes time, so it don't give up.
05:08 I mean ask for help, don't give up, because it takes a
05:10 it's a daily relationship.
05:12 If you asked the Bible says in Matthew 7:7, "ask and you
05:16 shall receive", does it stop there?
05:18 No, it says, "seek and you shall find. "
05:20 So we don't just ask and sit around and wait for.
05:22 We have to seek, knock and it shall be open unto you.
05:25 So as we seek some different in our lives.
05:28 We've tried everything else from young children,
05:29 trying to find hope and happiness, to fit into society,
05:32 we try from young children, and it still hasn't worked.
05:35 So I don't care if you're in prison for the 20th time,
05:37 for many years in prison.
05:39 I don't care - or if you're in prison and somebody
05:42 can't even see the bars.
05:43 You can't even see the bars.
05:44 I meet a lot of people that are not physically in
05:46 prison, they've never been in that lifestyle, but
05:49 they're addictions have got them so locked up that
05:51 they don't even relate to people anymore.
05:52 They have no true connection with anybody, that's
05:55 workaholism, that's Religiosity, that's gambling,
05:58 that's sex addictions and all that.
06:00 So their bars are different than your bars,
06:02 the prison is the same.
06:03 Right, we are empty inside.
06:05 Life has not given us those happy moments and
06:08 dreams that we thought.
06:09 The new car, don't glitter no more.
06:11 The new house, don't fix inside.
06:12 And the judges they can't legislate it.
06:15 The doctors they can't come and give it to you in a pill.
06:17 They can give you a happy pill, they can numb you, but they
06:20 don't give you that peace, that joy, that everlasting
06:22 purpose and meaning that Jesus Christ does.
06:24 And that's what we're all seeking is purpose and meaning.
06:27 When you decided to disconnect from all the kind of junk
06:29 you were watching for entertainment, was that hard?
06:32 That's like another withdrawal it seems like.
06:34 It was, it was very hard.
06:36 Those things tantalize our senses.
06:38 I mean, we sit there, there was a phrase that was
06:42 coined in society; just say no, just say no to drugs,
06:45 or just say no to sin, give me a break,
06:47 It Ain't That Easy.
06:49 We of our own just can't say no.
06:50 And there was another phrase coined, just do it.
06:53 You know just do it, just do it.
06:55 So everybody is running around just do it.
06:57 So we get comfortable in society, to fulfill the
07:00 lust of the flesh, the passions.
07:02 We want to feel good all the time, but I'll tell you
07:04 when we say no to the world and say yes to Jesus Christ we
07:09 feel good all the time.
07:10 Are there still problems in life, yes there are
07:13 still problems in life but He never gives us a
07:15 trial or a burden that is greater than what His grace
07:19 provides us to overcome that.
07:20 So that peace and stability last and it's
07:23 worth holding on to.
07:24 There is nothing that the world has to offer.
07:27 Millions of dollar can't give you the pure living water
07:31 of Jesus Christ, the purpose and the meaning.
07:33 That's huge, and it's really tough to explain that
07:35 until you feel it.
07:36 You know, the first time I felt that, I felt like, I got up
07:39 and I thought if it my birthday or something.
07:41 Cause I felt joy and hope, and I heard the
07:43 Holy Spirit say, I know this is health,
07:45 and I'm like shut up, this is good.
07:47 But to not feel that loneliness, not to fill that
07:51 anxiety about trying to live up all the time.
07:54 God says you are my child and I absolutely adore you.
07:57 I absolutely, everything that I am, I want
08:00 to pour into you.
08:01 When you are stepping away from those things in
08:04 your life, Lem, what else really helped you?
08:07 Because sometimes I think people forget to say what helped.
08:10 It helped me to disconnect from all the violence,
08:12 or the sexualized commercial.
08:14 The music, the music, when I drive down the road I
08:16 leave the radio off, the music.
08:18 I want to take walks, I'd rather help my wife plant
08:20 flowers and just do some things outside in nature.
08:23 So you'd disconnected you literally unplugged?
08:26 Right, you know, there's no sense starting your day
08:28 watching the news media and get ten minutes of
08:31 negativity in your day.
08:33 You are better off picking up the Bible,
08:34 or go for a walk and listen to the birds and say
08:36 Lord I need your help today.
08:38 Ask Him not knowing where He's going to take you,
08:41 but knowing that you can trust were Jesus Christ will
08:43 take you throughout society.
08:45 So as you ask, and say Lord, I need Your help today.
08:48 Then you are opening the door to your heart,
08:50 and actually seeking His will for your life,
08:52 and it doesn't change overnight.
08:54 But hey, the TV's gone, that junks gone,
08:56 and I can think clearer.
08:57 And I'll tell you something else Cheri, that I hope our
09:01 viewers will really pay attention to.
09:02 Water is so very important, I tell you what
09:06 we don't even think that.
09:07 When we first get in recovery, somebody says,
09:09 let's have some water.
09:10 Oh I can't stomach that give me some tequila.
09:13 You know, I mean it's true.
09:14 But there is a book called The Body Many Cries for Water.
09:19 I read that, I read part of that yep.
09:20 I mean, our brain is made up of like 70 percent water,
09:23 or something like that I'm not sure.
09:25 So what happens is your kidneys and all them
09:28 other things, they will go without water so that
09:31 your brain can still think.
09:32 So water, you know what I went to the hospital for
09:35 drug rehabilitation, they didn't tell me about
09:38 health and nutrition.
09:39 A mean, you still eat the way you eat, you sleep
09:40 when you sleep, or whatever.
09:41 I got real sick after about a year clean, somewhere in there.
09:46 I got real sick I had this physical problem,
09:49 and I went to this health nutritional place.
09:52 I had the doctors come in and they examined me.
09:54 Before they examined me, they got down on their knees
09:57 and had prayer with me.
09:58 They said, Lord help us to understand what Lemuel's
10:01 problem is, and I'll tell you what, they told me
10:05 the nuts and bolts about nutrition.
10:07 I mean, I began to understand that I can't drink
10:10 Pepsi anymore, why can I drink Pepsi anymore,
10:12 because I'm clean for 2 or 3 months and
10:15 find myself, I'll drink a half pop,
10:17 and that little bit of caffeine buzz makes me feel good.
10:20 And then I want to feel good all the time and now
10:22 I see on every street corner, we've got all these
10:25 energy drinks, we've got jolt Cola, jolt gum.
10:27 We have got all this stuff to keep us going.
10:29 And that's not the right keep a going we want to keep a-going.
10:32 Because you had that crash, and also what is really
10:35 interesting to me, the first time I had an energy drink,
10:38 and I had it while we were doing a building project,
10:40 and didn't think anything of it.
10:41 I don't think it's a drug or anything.
10:43 I had this energy drink and I'm sitting there in the
10:45 quiet of building this project, just taking a break.
10:48 And I thought, I wonder what ecstasy is like?
10:50 I was thinking, where did that thought come from.
10:53 But for myself being an addict it just hooks
10:55 right into that wanting to feel good and feel
10:58 you could feel better if you take this.
10:59 So, I think that in God's mercy says don't stimulate
11:04 yourself with these kind of drinks or this kind of junk.
11:09 I learned at that little medical seminar, even about sugar.
11:14 In a Mountain Dew, you've got 39 grams of sugar,
11:17 and that's like 10 teaspoons of sugar in a soda.
11:20 So if you're taking 10 teaspoons of sugar, sugar
11:23 weakens your immune system, it makes our brain foggy
11:26 and cloudy and stuff.
11:27 So, it doesn't just have to be alcohol and drugs.
11:30 I am not trying to tell you this stuff to discourage you.
11:33 Yes it is a blessing to be off of the drugs.
11:36 But then, we don't have to do it, as we ask God
11:39 for help in our life He brings the recovery and the
11:42 healing, we'll probably still have scars,
11:44 we will have scars all our lives.
11:46 I don't care if you have a bullet wound.
11:47 I don't care if you have emotional scars.
11:49 I don't care if you got brain damage, I mean,
11:51 we do have to have scars in our life that we will
11:53 probably carry to the grave until Jesus comes back
11:55 and changes us in the twinkling of an eye.
11:57 They were changed forever for Him if we have been willing
12:00 as we have been willing to seek Him daily to be our guide.
12:03 You know I'm going to ask you, I'm going to open it up.
12:06 Nyse Collins is on the set today in the café.
12:10 Nyse, I always tease him about being our resident health nut.
12:15 And I really mean that in a good way, but I want him and
12:18 you to kind of dialogue a little bit more about what
12:20 actually helps in our recovery, because I think
12:23 sometimes we forget that.
12:24 We really look at the spiritual sense of what that
12:26 means and what I do as far as not taking this drug,
12:29 but I don't think we cover enough the things that God
12:31 says do this and it will a help you think better.
12:34 So Nyse, what you think about what he is saying about
12:37 his recovery and what he has learned about health?
12:40 Well, I think it's powerful and matter of fact,
12:43 you have taken the program that we use when we are
12:46 working with individuals recovering from different
12:48 situations and have actually applied it.
12:50 The first step in everything, because we can't look at
12:53 health, but if it was just about eating apples and
12:55 grapes, one of us can be healthy and free from problems.
12:59 But the first step that you mention was that time,
13:01 where you sat down and said, Lord I have a situation here.
13:04 And I need your help, you got on your knees and
13:06 looked at the Sunset.
13:07 So the first key in all of this is asking God for help.
13:11 Once such you got that help, which is the Spiritual
13:14 foundation as we know it as the foundation of all that,
13:17 then you went ahead and started to ascertain some of
13:20 the other problems.
13:21 Our goal in our teaching is first identify the
13:24 root cause of the problem.
13:25 What is the true characteristic of the problem than
13:28 to work intelligently to eliminate that.
13:30 So you worked intelligently by getting who,
13:32 God to give you a hand with that.
13:34 And I think that was the key because as we read over
13:37 and over it is a waste of time to teach people to look
13:40 to God as a healer of their infirmities, unless they are
13:43 taught also to lay aside what? unhealthful practices.
13:46 What did you lay aside, you laid aside the TV-That's huge!
13:50 Oh my goodness is like one of the hugest things ever
13:52 just infiltrate your mind with just so many different things.
13:56 You laid aside your music, and one of the key items,
13:58 because when we look at health.
14:00 When you think of health, what is the first thing you think of?
14:02 When somebody says are your healthy when you think of?
14:06 Am I walking and am I drinking, that's a part of it,
14:09 but spiritual part.
14:10 But the second part of health is the physical part.
14:13 What did you lay aside, you laid aside some of the items,
14:16 power drinks and whatever like that.
14:18 There are many people who are not dealing with
14:20 addictions, but man, they are addicted to sugar, they're
14:23 addicted to caffeine, they are addicted to Coke and all
14:26 these things and you hit it right on the head.
14:27 Oh man this is so beautiful I wish I could just record
14:28 that, and I'm going to take a copy.
14:30 What happens is, it sets you on a mental high that all
14:34 your body now is doing is craving to fulfill that.
14:37 Before in our earlier programs we talked about
14:41 even something like spices, spices are a fiery food is a
14:44 stimulant that gets you on a high and sooner or later
14:48 you desire another stimulant which leads now to
14:52 alcoholism or maybe drugs.
14:54 What society has done unfortunately, I guess they
14:57 are trying to do what they can,
14:58 as you said they are moving you off
15:00 the free drugs, cocaine or the heroine, or stuff and
15:04 they put you on controlled substances.
15:07 The different drugs that they use.
15:10 Have they solved the problem - absolutely not - no you said
15:14 that a 100 times it was not solving my problems.
15:16 All the doctors did everything in the world and didn't
15:19 solve it, because they haven't identified the true
15:21 character of the cause.
15:23 You identified it and said Lord,
15:24 I need a relationship with you.
15:25 After you realize that that doesn't work now do you went
15:29 ahead took some steps.
15:30 What I'm hearing over and over throughout these sessions
15:33 that you guys have been having, is one of the main
15:36 things that you found helpful was a routine.
15:39 What did you say, every morning, before you put on that
15:42 TV as a matter of fact don't even put on the TV and
15:46 unless you're putting it into Celebrating Life and Recovery.
15:48 3ABN, or even before you do that.
15:52 What was it that you mentioned that they should do?
15:54 As the Lord for help in their life.
15:56 As the Lord for help after you've done that how is the
15:59 Lord going to help you, through His Word.
16:01 He is going to show you what you should do.
16:02 Another very important thing, this is before we start
16:05 eating our apples and grapes, you said get out and go
16:09 for a walk in nature.
16:11 That fresh air helps with the circulation and you know
16:15 what guys save your money.
16:16 Do not waste your money on gym memberships.
16:19 Save that 4 or 500 hundred dollars, take that support in
16:22 3ABN or Celebrating Life and Recovery, or use that money
16:26 to buy some good healthy fruits and veggies.
16:28 But get outside, there is something about nature.
16:31 What I have been hearing and what we read over and over
16:33 it says, nature testifies of the love of Christ.
16:37 So we start experiencing that not once a week basis,
16:40 not twice a week.
16:42 As a matter of fact, when you take a medication or when
16:44 the doctor tells you to take medication, how many times
16:46 a day are you taking the medication?
16:47 Once a week or twice a week?
16:48 No, you took it everyday - every day - 2, 3 times.
16:50 So 3 times - and before you went to bed.
16:52 Oh my God, you hit this on the head.
16:54 How may times do we need to be outside?
16:56 3 or 4 times a day - 3 or 4 times a day.
16:59 Not once or twice a week, but everyday.
17:02 And we will be blessed by it, literally we will bring
17:05 blessings into our lives.
17:06 That is powerful, and you've done that.
17:08 Now you are here you are witnessing to us.
17:10 So, I think that's powerful, you even set on the item of
17:14 water pulled off the colas and stuff like that.
17:19 And how did that help you personally, what did you see?
17:23 It kept me stable all throughout the day.
17:25 You know, you eat a good breakfast in the morning,
17:28 and you just feel good, you've got steady energy
17:31 all throughout the morning.
17:32 I'm not talking about Twinkies and a
17:34 cup of coffee for breakfast.
17:35 I'm talking about nuts and whole grains, where you have
17:37 steady energy all day long.
17:39 You're not one up and down and having this roller coaster.
17:41 And by lunch, you are starting to get a little tired,
17:43 hungry so you have a good lunch.
17:45 Then you're good to go all the way through supper.
17:48 It's a real blessing and talking about nature, dude I
17:50 want to tell you something, I had about 2 years in
17:52 recovery, and we were down in Florida.
17:54 I love butterflies, and I can't see real good so I am
17:57 through this orange orchard, I'm trying to follow
17:59 this butterfly and I come upon this orange tree.
18:02 Do you know what I saw? I saw baby orange.
18:05 I mean, it freaked me out, I mean a little tiny orange.
18:08 That wasn't a bloom it was a little baby orange and it
18:10 had just the lines, I had no idea.
18:14 It blew me away and God has created so many things like
18:16 that, and we just take it for granted.
18:18 We think Wal-Mart produces that stuff.
18:21 And it was no spectacular show of events.
18:24 It was something as simple as that that touched your heart.
18:26 You know what I mean, it's the something with mine, I see,
18:28 people would say stupid, but I see like wow did you see that?
18:33 How a cloud goes like this and they say, are you okay?
18:36 I'm like I'm fine, but you hit on it, those little
18:39 simple things that bring peace of mind, clarity in
18:42 spirit and a key item that you have mentioned.
18:45 When we read over and over it says, in order to
18:49 receive God's blessings in answer to that prayer that you
18:52 just made, because that prayer could have went up
18:54 and came right back down.
18:55 It says we must cease to do evil and avoid the self
18:59 gratifying habits, then we can see the answer to our prayer
19:04 And that's only by God's grace.
19:05 What I was going to say to is that real interesting is
19:09 that a woman writer that is amazing, but she said,
19:12 "out in nature Angels will minister and teach us. "
19:16 And I've always have that kind of vision now
19:19 when I go out is that right now I'm being taught
19:22 by the things around me.
19:23 And God will use birds, rainbows, and sunsets and
19:28 all of a sudden you're just thinking wow.
19:30 And I don't care who on the planet tells you that really
19:33 wasn't from God to you you're like, oh right.
19:35 It couldn't have been for anyone else.
19:37 I think God does that just to tell us that I so know where
19:41 you are at, I so know what you're prayer was, and I so
19:44 know every step you're making, I know when it's hard
19:47 and I know it is easy.
19:48 I know when you're full of joy, and I know when you are
19:51 afraid, but I am God and am with you during all that.
19:54 It I never dreamed that God could take a tragedy of a
19:57 young man being in prison for years and turn it around
20:00 to use it for His honor and glory.
20:01 I just never knew how that could be but God is in the
20:04 business of taking our terrible mistakes, that sin has
20:06 caused in our lives and turn around and using it
20:09 for His honor and glory.
20:10 I had about 5 years clean and met my friend who had
20:13 been in prison for 25 years.
20:15 He was out, now, I stopped by his house, hadn't seen
20:17 him, He said come on man jump in.
20:19 I jumped in his fancy car, music a going, he's going down
20:22 to shoot pool, I hadn't seen him in years.
20:25 He stood up for me in prison.
20:26 I would rent Lincoln Continental and take his mama down
20:28 to the prison and do all kinds of things.
20:29 Jumped in his car, I was hungry and I was tired.
20:33 And we went down to the pool hall and listen to that
20:37 awful music going down there.
20:38 I did want to tell them to shut the music off.
20:39 I had just talked,- didn't want to offend him.
20:40 We get down of the pool hall and I'm looking around.
20:43 I'm starving and the only thing I can see was corn chips.
20:46 I ate two bags of corn chips for my supper.
20:48 And I sat there and the drugs went around
20:51 through out that evening.
20:52 Here man, whatever you want take it, it's yours.
20:54 I said no man, I don't want it.
20:56 He said you really did change didn't do?
20:58 I said a man I don't want it no more.
21:00 On the way home I stopped at a garage sale and picked
21:04 up 3 videos that I didn't know what they were,
21:07 and at home, I had a video player, and I stuck
21:10 one of them in.
21:11 One was all about drugs, all about gangsters,
21:13 all about the Mafia.
21:14 And I watched that and do you know within a matter of
21:18 probably 36 hours my mind was thinking he has
21:22 all the drugs that I want.
21:23 I could just go get 4, 5 ounces of cocaine.
21:26 I can hold up for a couple of days, and nobody would know.
21:30 And I had made a decision to go and get high.
21:33 I had five years clean, and I was willing to give it up
21:37 because nobody would know.
21:38 I want you to know that I went down to Tennessee and
21:42 heard this doctor speak on the mind and how the mind
21:45 can be re-mapped.
21:47 It says is pliable like plastic, I didn't understand it
21:50 but already decided I was going to use cocaine.
21:52 And I went to him after the meeting and said,
21:54 tell me what you meant.
21:55 The lady that had spoke on it she was busy.
21:57 I talked her husband I said, what did she mean?
22:00 He says in the mind, we have deep ruts in the mind.
22:02 The electrical current travels the least path of resistance.
22:06 So we have ingrained tendencies in our lives, but when
22:09 you make a decision for right, there is an electrical
22:13 burst of electrical current that will jump that deep
22:16 rooted cocaine, alcohol, sexual addiction, whatever it is.
22:19 That extra burst of electrical current will jump that
22:23 pathway and as we choose to make the right choice by
22:27 God's grace, there will form new pathways in the mind.
22:30 And he gave me one Bible verse.
22:32 It was Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through
22:36 Christ Jesus which strength to me. "
22:37 I just couldn't believe it, I just couldn't believe it.
22:39 I said what was that verse again,
22:41 and I had tears in my eyes.
22:43 I went out to the van I was sleeping in that night and
22:46 looked up that Bible verse.
22:47 I cried, because I had made a decision that
22:50 I didn't want to use that cocaine.
22:52 I had already decided I was going back to it as soon
22:54 as I got home I was going to go get it.
22:55 And because of that, I said dear Jesus, please help me again
23:00 My original prayer to Jesus Christ's when I got down
23:02 on my knees in the hospital room was dear Jesus please
23:05 help me I want to quit but I can't.
23:07 It wasn't just drugs, it wasn't a alcoholism, it wasn't
23:10 sexism, it was a problem in my life called sin that I
23:14 had from a little child.
23:15 Let me tell you where does sin start in a little child's life?
23:18 Does it start with a 13 years old automatically
23:20 you begin facing sin.
23:22 If you take a great big candy bar and you take a little
23:24 candy bar at call little Johnny up here.
23:26 Say Johnny come up here and get you one of these
23:28 candy bars, a which one is Johnny going to take?
23:30 The big one! - the big one.
23:33 Why is that? - because it's a big one - the big one.
23:35 And that was the problem in my life.
23:37 Maybe it is a problem in your life too, that all through
23:39 your life you want the big one.
23:41 You want the best, you want the fanciest, you want
23:42 to be somebody special, and so it started my
23:45 life as a little child.
23:46 My mother didn't have to teach me how to lie, steal or
23:48 cheat, she taught me the exact opposite.
23:50 I had good moral principles, by the time
23:52 I was in first grade.
23:53 By the time was in second grade, I was dealing
23:55 with sexual issues, I was stealing stuff all summer long.
23:58 I wouldn't take books to school, I took stuff to school
24:00 to sell it at recess time.
24:01 And the glory of it, you know what God is now using
24:04 those talents that were once used for wrong, now for His
24:07 honor and glory because now I have the opportunity to be
24:09 out hustling snacks, cookies and chips.
24:11 And you take them into prisons for prisoners to give
24:14 your testimony now- I do.
24:16 Because you want them to know that they can change.
24:19 I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt, if my
24:22 life can be different today. I know that my partners
24:25 and friends in an out of prisons, around the world.
24:28 I don't care what country you're in that God is working
24:31 for us in this year which we live.
24:33 So I just want to tell them I wish them God's blessings.
24:36 There is hope, and I know if they'll just ask.
24:39 I don't care what creed, what denomination, I don't care
24:42 what you believe in.
24:43 But apparently it hasn't worked in your life up until
24:46 now, or you be satisfied, happy, and joyful.
24:49 I tell you that is what has worked in my life and in
24:52 these brothers and sisters lives here.
24:53 That I promise you out there that He will do it for you
24:58 too, is that not right? does that not make sense?
24:59 That is so right, you know, when I look at you, the only
25:02 thing I see is a passionate man of God that says, you
25:06 know what I couldn't believe.
25:07 I didn't have any faith in myself, that I would ever get
25:09 through this, and God just stepped in and said I
25:12 will re-map your brain.
25:14 I will help you - isn't that what comes - you even at
25:17 one point through your recovery had drugs stashed in
25:19 different parts of the house, because just in case.
25:22 Yeah, I wasn't able to throw them away for 3 years.
25:25 Pillow case, garbage yeah, pornographic stuff, you know,
25:29 and I wanted to throw them away.
25:30 I felt this wasn't right, you can't live life in
25:33 recovery, and still be having a dirty, dirty rooms.
25:36 In our life and our mind.
25:38 Because there's a sense in us that we know we are planted.
25:42 I think that God says that there will be a point in your
25:45 life that you get honest about this recovery.
25:48 That you don't watch for entertainment, the very things
25:50 that are trashing you.
25:51 That you really take care of what you are putting
25:53 your body, really make choices and follow through,
25:55 that you discipline yourself.
25:57 And God says there's going to be a point when you get to
25:59 that point, and at that point you're throwing things away.
26:01 Amen, and it is by His grace, because I don't see
26:04 anything wrong with them.
26:05 And it doesn't happen in our lives Cheri - and you even
26:08 told me when you even started to throw it away, that as
26:11 you were taking the trash out, you are like,
26:12 oh I don't want to throw this away.
26:14 Yep Yep, and actually I couldn't, the first day I
26:16 couldn't. I said, no it's not that bad.
26:17 Next day I had devotion and said Lord please help me.
26:20 I had to ask the Lord to help me all the way through
26:22 throwing all the stuff away.
26:23 Lord please help me out one, then it was possible.
26:26 We don't realize our needs until we hit rock bottom.
26:28 We think that we can hang onto, if you nuts and bolts
26:31 and a few cookies and candies and things in life.
26:34 A few gold trinkets, it ain't going to happen.
26:36 We are going to have to realize we need total dependence
26:38 on Him, and each and every day He will help us.
26:40 It doesn't start that we get all cleaned up and get rid
26:43 of our baggage, we don't get all fixed up and put on our
26:45 makeup and say, okay Lord am ready to serve You now.
26:47 We come to Him just as we are.
26:49 I met a dude in California, and I told him I said look
26:51 man, be sure you thank God, I had done a favor for him
26:54 out there, and he was walking away and I said, be sure
26:56 to thank God for that tonight.
26:57 He said, oh man, you don't understand, I can't thank God
27:00 I can't talk to Him until I get all cleaned up.
27:02 I jumped down off of what I was doing and I went, said
27:04 no, buddy, lets talk man please let's talk.
27:06 I said we come to Him just as we are.
27:08 I don't care what monkey desires are going on in your
27:11 life, you come to Him just as you are, and He's the One
27:15 that begins to clean us up.
27:16 From the outside? From the inside.
27:18 It's from the inside out.
27:19 So I'm going to ask you, because some of the stuff you
27:21 have to come to God with is pretty ugly stuff.
27:24 We talk about our deeper sexual sins and those kind of things,
27:27 and you're saying, come with that?
27:29 Come - don't be afraid of that either - come just as you are.
27:32 I mean those things, He doesn't shame you for any of that.
27:35 - NO! He doesn't shame us, He forgives us.
27:37 The desires change in our mind, they change to where that's
27:41 no longer what I want in my mind.
27:43 Our very desires are very thoughts change - yeah!
27:45 The passions that once used to be there to fulfill the
27:49 sexual desires and lifestyle, it changes and now you
27:52 want help somebody else.
27:53 I want to help my friends.
27:54 I'm looking to get apples and oranges to take it to
27:56 the prison and let them know that I love them and
27:58 they are not forgotten.
27:59 It's different because now we are in service for Him
28:02 not self, self has to die.
28:04 Paul says I have to die daily, and for us today, we need to too
28:08 I usually break right now, and then
28:10 comeback for the close.
28:11 And I want to break right now, do the same as normally,
28:14 but would you come back to the close with me?
28:16 I want to break, but please hear this.
28:19 If you're stuck with anything, some people are stuck
28:23 and they look so much better than somebody,
28:25 coming out of prison.
28:26 But if you are stuck with anything, know that God just
28:28 says nothing, nothing you have in your pockets.
28:31 Nothing you have in your closets, nothing you have is
28:34 going to turn God away from you.
28:36 And He says I promise you, if you honestly step forward,
28:39 you don't even have to know what that means but if you
28:41 honestly just ask Me.
28:43 I am with you for the rest of your life.
28:45 I am with you and I'll fulfill in you in all the things that
28:49 need to changed.
28:50 I will fulfill in you everything that needs to happen in
28:52 order for your recovery and you will be blessed.
28:54 So we will be right back! Stay tuned!


Revised 2014-12-17