Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Dr. Douglas Weiss
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00035B
00:13 Welcome back!
00:14 On this segment were going to just get to the questions
00:16 right away because there is
00:18 a lot of questions.
00:19 And we don't have a lot of time.
00:20 So I'm going to open up to the folks on the floor,
00:23 is that alright? Let's do it!
00:24 Teresa you had a question.
00:26 Yes, after five years of marriage, right now we are
00:31 going to turn nine soon.
00:33 But when I got married, my self-esteem was so low,
00:37 but thanks to God, thanks to my husband, he's put my
00:41 life at this level.
00:43 Being down he put me so high.
00:45 Something happened that destroyed my heart, and
00:52 obviously from being up, it put me down again.
00:58 And it has been so hard for me to try to believe again,
01:05 and to try to trust in him again for
01:08 something that happened that destroyed me.
01:11 Even though God has been helping us, but it is
01:14 very hard and want to ask you, what can I do to
01:16 in order to relieve a relationship that can work again
01:21 You have actually mentioned several things Teresa, I mean
01:25 one is if your self-esteem is being
01:28 mediated by your husband.
01:30 You want to switch that over to Jesus, because
01:33 He is really stable.
01:35 Your husband is a wonderful man, I'm sure,
01:37 but all men have instability.
01:39 Some days we like you and some days, we don't.
01:42 And you just have to deal at that because we do too.
01:45 So you definitely want to put the core of your
01:48 esteem on Jesus.
01:50 Because He will never say anything but I
01:51 love you, you are beautiful your great.
01:53 And that is permanent.
01:54 Now when hurt happens in a relationship depending on
01:57 what degree it is, sometimes we have to get angry.
02:01 We have an exercise called Cleansing the Temple, write
02:03 the anger letter, go in a room somewhere and just get it
02:06 out of your body so you can discharge that.
02:08 Because when something harmful happens, you have to
02:11 go through the grief, shock, denial anger, bargaining.
02:13 If I did this or if I did that, if the house is clean
02:16 or what ever this wouldn't of happened or whatever.
02:17 And then you go through sadness and acceptance
02:19 so accelerating the process would really be helpful.
02:21 And then doing some exercises, we talked about,
02:23 as far as connecting your heart together would be
02:24 good, if you think you something, and I don't know your
02:28 situation, but I deal with a lot of people who
02:30 even as Christians do.
02:32 Their situations with either pornography, fidelity,
02:35 or stuff that is outside of what you're talking about.
02:37 And I've known some guys, they even do a polygraph
02:40 to verify they are not doing that stuff anymore.
02:42 And that is something that the men can do.
02:45 So, that is radical, I know, but some people are a
02:47 lot more pain than you are probably presenting.
02:49 It's okay to have pain, that is okay.
02:54 And it's okay to talk about your pain, and talk about
02:57 your feelings, because some of the pain is more
02:58 feeling, rejected feeling, unimportant
03:00 and stuff like that.
03:01 Him sharing his heart with you, is going to validate
03:03 that you are important, your beautiful and
03:06 you are desired by him.
03:07 So what happens in today's, tell me if I'm so off.
03:13 So what if I'm damaged in the relationship by something
03:16 happened with my spouse, and I'm damaged and trying
03:19 to do these exercises, and that pain comes up, what
03:22 do I do with it during the exercises?
03:23 All of us are damaged before we get married.
03:27 We are all fallen.
03:29 And we're damaged in our marriage, so that's
03:31 a level playing field.
03:33 Your husband going to hurt you, my wife is going to
03:34 hurt me, that's life.
03:36 Some is going be deeper than others, so you're not
03:39 saying to ignore the intensity on what's happening?
03:41 Now, but when you do the exercise you want keep
03:43 those things out.
03:44 Because the exercise is kind of like a vitamin.
03:46 You put that in to take out the toxins.
03:49 Do you see what I'm saying?
03:50 That actually fortifies you connecting to each other so
03:52 that you can resist the things and have more
03:55 strength when not if when you hurt each other.
03:58 And that's a huge-
04:00 This is in really important because a lot of women tends to
04:02 believe it when they get married, and they give
04:03 their heart to their husband, that their husband should
04:05 do nothing to hurt their heart.
04:07 Well, who are you marrying?
04:09 Give me a break.
04:12 You're the only guy out there that's going to do that.
04:14 Women have some fantasies about their heart, about
04:17 their beauty, and about love that are just fantasies.
04:20 You are going to be hurt.
04:22 I am going to be hurt.
04:24 My wife can be beautiful, she's very beautiful, but
04:26 she's going to hurt me, GUARANTEED!
04:28 She's a sinner, I'm a sinner.
04:29 Do you see what I am saying?
04:30 And sometimes that just helps too, because in one of
04:33 the books I've written, it talks about realizing that
04:36 you're going to forgive every sin that person commits
04:39 against you, before they do it.
04:41 Knowing you are marrying a sinner, and you have to make
04:47 the decision before hand, otherwise you are going
04:50 to decide on every sin along the way.
04:51 And you don't want Ishmael, if Ishmael decides Oh I'm going
04:57 wait until Teresa sins, then I'm going to say well.
05:00 I forgive that no, not-your going to pay for that one.
05:02 Three years, six months, two days and then your good.
05:04 And if he actually decided all the sins as you went
05:07 through, that that would be painful.
05:08 Where, if Ishmael says in his heart, what this woman is
05:10 going to sin against me.
05:11 She's beautiful, I love her but she
05:13 is going to sin against me.
05:14 She's going to hurt my heart, she's going to hurt me,
05:16 and I've already decided I'm going to forgive her
05:17 from now until she dies.
05:20 Every sin, his life will be a lot easier.
05:23 And that's exactly what Christ did.
05:25 It no surprise, oh you sinned!
05:27 I'm so surprised, a sinner that sinned!
05:30 How weird is that?
05:31 And that can soften the process as well.
05:34 But that is a very good question.
05:35 To me as you are speaking that is incredible, cause
05:38 Christ does that with us before we even came into
05:41 existence, He has forgiven us.
05:42 Totally! - So just using that concept in our marriage.
05:45 And I love what you said too.
05:47 In the middle of doing this ten minutes, you might have
05:51 all the stuff that you're working on in your marriage,
05:53 but let that go for a minute.
05:55 And this is a healthy safe place.
05:56 And the commitment that we have to make to each other
05:58 to do that oh my goodness is just a discipline.
06:01 It's huge, but I mean, you spend more time on your
06:04 hair, most women spend more than ten minutes on their
06:06 hair, so they can certainly spend ten minutes with
06:08 the men they say they love.
06:09 So it is not a big time commitment.
06:11 It does change, it does change the texture
06:14 of your marriage.
06:15 Cause know there's going to be a least one good oasis,
06:18 even if all chaos broke loose all day long, kids, you,
06:21 the dogs, and neighbors.
06:22 There are three car accidents, and your garage got hit,
06:25 the dog died by getting struck by lightning.
06:27 All that happen in one day for you.
06:28 You would still know that in this ten minutes,
06:30 there is a sacred spot.
06:32 Just your heart, just my heart, just now.
06:35 And that makes marriage better.
06:36 How does that feel?
06:38 Anything else?
06:39 I was thinking that sometimes it depends, by our background
06:44 for example, he grew up as a Christian.
06:47 In my case it was very different came from Ecuador, and
06:50 when I came over here I wasn't Christian.
06:53 Until I went to the high school and met him.
06:55 And that's when he started inviting me to the Church.
06:58 So my mentality is very different in the way that I
07:01 excepting him when he makes a mistake, is very hard for me
07:06 to understand probably for him, it's more easier.
07:09 But sometimes I'm thinking about how to start.
07:12 Because he wasn't to be a sinner,
07:13 and you were supposed to be a sinner?
07:14 Yes that's right, now I'm telling you.
07:16 He sins different than you, that's all.
07:18 How does that make you feel?
07:19 From the beginning she was thinking, because she came
07:25 from that background, not Christian.
07:26 You're not going to be perfect.
07:27 She looked up to me to do things right.
07:30 You messed up right!
07:31 Well, yeah, after nine years,
07:35 you make a lot of mistakes.
07:39 And this is surprising right?
07:43 Surprising for her.
07:45 But I have another question, when you make mistakes,
07:52 how can you forget about the mistake, and don't
07:54 bring that mistake like two, three years later,
07:57 and bring that pain back?
07:59 Now there's two parts to your questions, Ishmael
08:02 because sometimes especially as someone
08:05 that think, now don't think you're perfect.
08:07 I don't get that sense from you, but some
08:08 people actually do.
08:09 They hide their sins that it makes it hard to be
08:11 in a relationship, because they are un-authentic.
08:13 We all sin, so you have to have a policy in your
08:16 marriage about sin how are you going to deal with it.
08:17 Is just like the government, how are you going to
08:19 govern, how you deal with sin.
08:20 Are you going to do with the Bible says, confession
08:21 faults one to another?
08:23 Pray for each other.
08:24 You know, I sinned against you, today I was rude,
08:26 I was impatient.
08:27 I have two do this a few times a week for
08:30 just a slight attitude.
08:31 Because that is sin, I don't call it an issue, I blame
08:35 my mom, I'm your daddy.
08:36 I don't call on any excuses for my behavior.
08:37 I'm responsible, so if I'm impatient, or I don't have
08:40 all the information, then there was like some situation
08:43 in my office, my wife works alongside of me, and I was
08:46 I had something scheduled, and she scheduled
08:48 a friend's wedding, well the friend scheduled the wedding.
08:51 but it was supposed to be this wedding and they were on two
08:53 different calendars and that was suppose to be managed.
08:56 Well, cause that is what is supposed to happen and
08:57 and it didn't happen and I was instantly kind of like, that.
09:01 And you know, I'm usually pretty gentle, but every once
09:03 in a while I get just like this lightning bolt hits me
09:06 and I go insane.
09:07 And so I had to ask her, but see, I did only apologize
09:10 to her, because one of my office staff is right next to
09:12 my wife, when this happened.
09:14 So the next day I went in when she was there.
09:18 Jamie, in my office and Lisa my wife, and I said listen Jamie
09:21 yesterday, I sinned against my wife in front of you.
09:24 I shouldn't act like that.
09:25 That was wrong, forgive me.
09:27 And they both, my wife did forgive me.
09:29 You see if you have an attitude towards sin, and you're
09:31 going to sin, and when you sin you'll confess it and your
09:33 marriage will be a whole lot easier than if you
09:35 think you're perfect, and you've got to protect yourself.
09:37 Does that make sense?
09:38 So that position really depends on you.
09:41 So if you are a guy who protects himself from sin all
09:43 the time, your wife got to pointed it out.
09:44 Then that's different.
09:46 If you're someone that confesses it along the way,
09:48 then you're going to be on an easier deal.
09:50 And I would say Theresa, expect him to sin,
09:53 Don't look for it, it will show up.
09:55 But when he does, give him the same grace that you
09:59 received in Christ.
10:00 You know, he's not better than you because
10:02 he was saved before you.
10:03 You know I'm saying?
10:05 The blood has no time, do you know what I'm saying?
10:09 It will help you relax, help and him relax.
10:11 now he's allowed to be imperfect.
10:13 He doesn't have to practice it.
10:15 But he is allowed to be.
10:16 Going through this process, what I find so incredible
10:20 what couples decide to literally look at the reality
10:25 of their truth in a situation.
10:27 Is there a is a freedom in that.
10:28 I don't have to pretend that I'm not this or that.
10:32 I can literally work on stuff and really
10:35 want to be better.
10:36 But when the Bible says like a child of God doesn't
10:39 sin, I started looking at the Greek word and it says
10:42 does it continually habitually commit the same sin.
10:46 So being able to say to somebody that in the marriage
10:49 relationship is when we messed up how are we going to
10:52 handle that and I love the way you pointed that out.
10:54 It's just like when you burp you say excuse me.
10:56 Now look at, you guys you don't burp right?
10:58 It's that kind of thing.
11:02 You just ask forgiveness and move forward,
11:05 knowing that your sinners.
11:06 You know, my wife sins very rarely actually, but you
11:09 know, when she does she owns it and its good.
11:11 I'm calling her, is that true?
11:14 Yeah, and my sons, just like her.
11:15 He sins very rarely, and he'll confess his sin
11:19 almost before he does it.
11:20 And I am like, what is this I married a saint
11:22 and now I have got a son.
11:23 That's really tough there's two against me now.
11:26 Unfortunately, my daughters more like me, so we do
11:28 our fair share of sinning.
11:29 That's funny, that is so funny.
11:32 Okay, are there any other questions?
11:34 How about Nyse.
11:37 Okay, great.
11:39 So we see the whole picture here with the marriage
11:42 and stuff like that.
11:43 You can take care in ten minutes and stuff like that
11:45 which is fantastic.
11:46 However, with the marriage, whether it was good or bad,
11:49 so that's in place already.
11:50 So you're going to have to work it out, but
11:52 for like the single people, myself and a partner here,
11:57 you know, just looking at it is their something, eight, nine
12:00 minute fix or something like that.
12:01 But the only catch is, is that for the single person it's
12:06 like double trouble.
12:07 If I can say that.
12:09 There's so many things come from left, from right.
12:10 And stuff like that and then especially with the
12:13 marriage you I make sure it's good so you don't have
12:15 to deal with these issues later.
12:17 Is there some simple steps or.
12:19 I've got a couple things I want to say to you Nyse.
12:22 Jesus has been single for two thousand years.
12:25 So it's okay, you know what He's perfect to don't
12:28 take it personally.
12:29 Right there, I'm saying I dating the Lord and wedding
12:32 for Him when He comes back with the church.
12:33 He may have someone for you, but I dated my wife for
12:38 five years and during that time,
12:39 we took personality inventories.
12:41 We read premarital books.
12:43 We really worked on it to make sure
12:45 that we were compatible.
12:46 So there isn't ten minutes, it's a process.
12:49 You definitely want to have people around you giving you
12:51 feedback, so that your emotions
12:52 are not getting in the way.
12:54 And that your physical relationship is staying pure.
12:57 So it isn't ten minutes sorry.
12:59 But the principles as far as praying together, sharing
13:02 your heart, connecting quality time, those are the same
13:05 because those are the same principles that make every
13:07 relationship successful.
13:08 So once you find this person apply those principles,
13:11 and then maintain those principles after you marry
13:13 them, don't just dump them off and say well now you're
13:16 my wife. I don't have to maintain you.
13:17 The same thing that you did to capture her heart, is
13:19 the same thing you will need to do to maintain it.
13:23 So, you are on a life journey and the fact that you
13:27 have not discovered the prize is part of, I call it God's,
13:32 one of His favorite game, hide and seek.
13:34 Up no I'm not there, up not there, up oh you found me.
13:39 So just be patient with Him He's playing but for your purpose
13:43 stay under authority, be accountable,
13:46 and you are going to be great.
13:47 You know, it is incredible what you said, as far as
13:51 being single, is that I really believe that skills that
13:55 you learn just with yourself
13:57 and with people around too.
13:59 I can clearly say to somebody, even in the congregation
14:03 the body of Christ or friend, be
14:05 straight up with who I am, but I learn those skills.
14:07 So it's not just marriage.
14:09 Clean up your own backyard, so if you got stuff in your past
14:12 just in general with single people, I say clean up your
14:15 backyard because then you don't have to be messing with that
14:17 one when you are married because it is a lot worse.
14:19 Clean up now, also your self-esteem will go up.
14:21 So you'll choose someone with higher self-esteem.
14:23 So, you know why I think people it up with dealing that
14:26 stuff more when they're married in their single?
14:28 It's because your buttons are pushed all the time.
14:30 If your buttons are way out here.
14:32 If I'm staying with somebody twenty four seven,
14:34 and I have buttons to push.
14:37 If you're wounded, you can are going to have to act
14:39 like a wounded person not a healed person.
14:41 Marriage is definitely a place that will show what you have
14:45 done, what you haven't done,
14:46 and what you've got yet to do.
14:47 You know somebody said I was find until I married that guy.
14:50 And I'm thinking you weren't though.
14:52 You just got deceived, he just showed you that
14:54 you were deceived.
14:55 Exactly, exactly, great question though.
14:58 Monique, you had a question.
15:00 Yes, I'm single and as I have gotten involved in different
15:05 relationships and you put the work in so you can
15:08 get to know the person.
15:09 You want them to be authentic, you want to be authentic
15:11 so that you can really, honestly assess whether this person
15:13 can become a life-long partner.
15:15 As you are putting that work in, if you begin to realize that
15:19 this person has issues or addictions or certain vices that
15:22 you know you can't live with and put up with.
15:24 I would think that when you are in that dating relationship
15:27 something needs to end at that point.
15:30 When you are married you have to put
15:32 the work in to fix it.
15:33 And so many times, I think, in relationships,
15:36 people, if you're dating, people are trying fix something that.
15:39 is wrong with the other person.
15:40 So there should be a difference when you are
15:44 you are married verses dating.
15:45 When you are dating somebody, your intuition is right Monique
15:49 you are investigating.
15:50 And you are trying to find out if you can live with
15:53 the land mines you find, and some you can live with.
15:56 you know they like different food than you.
15:59 They don't know how to dress, and stuff like that,
16:01 you might be able to live with some of that.
16:03 But there might be some character flaws like lying,
16:05 that you cannot live with.
16:07 Or addictions, or you find out they are dating other people.
16:11 Things like that and those things all happen in a dating
16:15 relationship, but when you are dating,
16:16 you have to make a decision okay?
16:17 If you are getting in that part of the relationship and
16:21 you know you can't go the distance, get out.
16:23 Save yourself time, save themselves time, let them keep
16:26 shopping, you keep shopping that's all legit and normal.
16:28 The difficulty is sometimes in recovery.
16:32 there is this one liner that says principle over people.
16:35 If you stick to that you will be okay, if you stick to
16:39 your principles you will be okay.
16:40 But if you start saying well no they are really cute, they
16:42 have potential, just because do heroin or just because
16:45 they lie or just because of this, I think we can make it
16:47 on our love, then you start making it about person.
16:50 You start making decisions based on the person as
16:53 apposed to the principle.
16:54 If you understand as a principle you can't be with a liar
16:56 then you can't be with one.
16:58 Does that make sense?
16:59 Think your intuition is right and I would really
17:02 just encourage you to have a couple good guy friends and
17:06 girlfriends that look at the people that you're
17:08 looking at, because they will look at their flaws
17:10 sharper than you will.
17:12 And get the collective group consensus on their flaws,
17:17 and I think that helps as well, because sometimes
17:19 you get into a relationship that is just you and me
17:22 and were trying to investigate each other, you know.
17:24 And if a guy is trying to isolate you all the time from
17:27 your friends, that's a problem right there.
17:29 You know what I'm saying because he doesn't really
17:31 want to be looked at.
17:33 See what I'm saying.
17:34 I get it, I get it so it is okay just share with a
17:37 friend that this person has this problem.
17:38 I need to get out of this relationship and I guess
17:43 that would help me to be accountable.
17:44 Yes, you'd be called crazy and stuff like that.
17:47 And that kind of starts getting to you after while.
17:49 To me it's incredible when you look at your friend
17:52 and you kind of just putting it out there.
17:53 And I've done this when I was single, and they looked
17:56 at many like are you kidding me?
17:57 He said that, and you just stood there.
17:59 And they're looking at like it's absolutely just
18:02 beyond what they could imagine you would be putting up with
18:04 And you're like what and you really have to
18:07 look at the reaction.
18:08 Because I'm thinking he's funny he's cute,
18:10 he makes me laugh.
18:11 And they are like you would put up with that for
18:14 anybody, I am not sure why you are putting
18:16 up with that, with him.
18:17 One thing to know what to say about single that I
18:20 find out as I travel, is that a lot of
18:23 people engage physically.
18:25 It in those relationships and they are so bonded with
18:28 each other that the principal thing is out the window.
18:30 So can you talk on that?
18:32 That is one of the reasons why God wanted us to
18:33 be not sexual before marriage.
18:36 Because once you start having sex you get kind of
18:40 unable to see clearly.
18:42 The honeymoon period of the relationship
18:44 of the marriage okay.
18:45 And what happens is that if you are not sexual,
18:48 you can keep principle first.
18:50 Do you know what I'm saying?
18:52 Once you start, being sexual you get so physically and
18:55 psychologically attached and emotionally attached that
18:58 you will tolerate stuff, because of your own guilt,
19:02 your own shame at all that stuff.
19:04 You made that connection. It gets messy,
19:07 So the sex thing is really a variable only for
19:11 marriage, because God doesn't want you messed up.
19:13 Because if you are dating a loser, He wants you to know
19:16 before you married him.
19:17 It's a lot less work, you know!
19:22 What I think is real interesting is that when you look
19:26 at, that is that you can see as an outsider.
19:29 You kind of see somebody and they are whole journey
19:32 into marriage, and you want to say what shocked you
19:35 about what you are experiencing now.
19:36 But they have already connected and bonded so much,
19:38 had no accountability partner.
19:41 I'm a counselor, and I have been doing counseling for
19:43 over nineteen years.
19:45 At some of the people dating got pregnant
19:46 and got married.
19:47 And now the trek up from there is sometimes difficult,
19:50 because they might have married him in two or three
19:52 years, but they weren't really mature enough at that
19:55 particular juncture in time.
19:56 It made them have to do a whole lot more work, so yeah.
19:59 It gets complicated, so keep it simple,
20:01 keep it pure, keep it clean, fun.
20:03 This is going to be an odd thing to say, but I'd read
20:07 in Deuteronomy this thing at child born outside of
20:10 wedlock, child born outside of that commitment
20:12 relationship, and it said something about being
20:15 cursed by ten generations.
20:17 I am that child that was conceived.
20:20 But when I read that, I try to say God,
20:23 what does that mean?
20:24 It wasn't really that God said He was
20:26 going to curse them.
20:27 Just because it's out of wedlock, because of all the
20:29 garbage around all that kind of stuff, unless somebody
20:32 stands up and claims that life back.
20:35 There, just set up for this.
20:36 So, I think that we really don't put in enough stock
20:40 into the principles that God has given to us in those
20:44 dating relationships.
20:45 In those pre-marriage times,
20:46 where God again tries to bless us.
20:49 And there's no room to get in to bless us.
20:52 And if you have to manipulate and try to make
20:54 it all happen for you.
20:55 And I would say this to any single, not just talking
20:57 to either one of you guys, I'm just talking to like
21:00 singles at large in the body of Christ.
21:02 Jesus does forgive you for those sins, He does forgive
21:06 you for sexual immorality.
21:08 He does not want you to participate in that because
21:10 it's steals your spiritual authority.
21:11 And that revelation as a whole other conversation.
21:14 But He does forgive, He does want to redeem and you
21:16 don't want to ever have to get married out of guilt,
21:19 because you had sex.
21:20 That's like a really double bad thing.
21:22 You want to get forgiven, get right and accountable and
21:26 then just move forward to that process.
21:28 Some people think it's so condemned and it is.
21:31 It's not a good idea, but the blood of Jesus is so
21:35 powerful, it has forgiven every sin, every person of
21:38 every nation that has existed or ever will exist.
21:41 So our little sin, isn't going to put
21:44 Jesus out of commission?
21:46 But it will impact us if we don't get it under the
21:50 blood and move it into a redemptive community.
21:51 Does that make sense?
21:53 So it's really powerful that the message be responsible.
21:56 There is grace, be responsible, and there is grace be
21:59 responsible, and there is grace.
22:01 To know what I'm saying is we are all humans and we
22:04 fumble around on finding the partner thing.
22:06 And I think the church has done a bad job actually.
22:10 In one of the senses - I see,
22:13 I see like this little thing.
22:17 This is my soapbox, and I saw that come up for you.
22:23 All right, let's do it.
22:24 Because I think the church has abandoned single people.
22:27 I have a book that's not published called Successfully
22:30 Single, and in there and we have doctrines on baptism
22:33 and all kinds of things, but we do not have a doctrine
22:37 of singleness that's effective.
22:39 In the western culture, what we have done is say
22:42 singles don't ask and we won't tell.
22:44 You don't tell how we won't ask to whatever you want.
22:46 Too bad for the those boo-boos.
22:47 We are not a family a redemptive family.
22:49 You are the most valuable possession, we have and we
22:52 are going to protect you.
22:53 And when you come into this family, here are the dating
22:55 guidelines, and if you mess them up, there is to be
22:58 some man in your face, because we love you, the church
23:01 has abandoned the singles, until they get married.
23:05 And I think generally, I do singles conferences,
23:08 singles feel that, they do
23:10 not feel protected in the church.
23:11 Now in our church, we actually had a situation where
23:15 the Singles Again group, there was a guy in there, who
23:18 was going after the women who were married before.
23:21 Divorced women, and he was acting inappropriately.
23:24 And he had to be confronted by the church,
23:26 and he was asked to leave.
23:27 Few churches do that.
23:29 Do you know what I'm saying?
23:31 And you're all shaking your head because
23:32 we don't talk about it.
23:33 And so we do not want wolves in the church.
23:35 I think the church has to do a better job Cheri, at
23:38 protecting and giving good guidelines for dating.
23:42 You know, my daughter, she has guidelines.
23:44 I bet she does.
23:46 Oh yeah, because she's so young.
23:49 She says God bless the man who wants to date me.
23:53 He's going to have to go through my dad.
23:55 If he gets through that alive, I think he might
23:58 be okay to marry.
24:00 So, we have already reduced, because there is a
24:02 genuine respect of the family ness of that process
24:07 that is not a you process, a family process.
24:10 And the church does not have a family process
24:13 for singles to go through.
24:14 To say not only that, but there's not the process to
24:17 bless them, to say hey, you've done it right,
24:22 you dated, you courted, you've been pure to the
24:24 best of our knowledge, and now because of that,
24:28 your spiritual mentors, your pastor and other
24:31 people are going to come and we are going to have a
24:33 meeting on your engagement and were going to bless
24:34 you in your marriage.
24:35 There is the missing of the blessing.
24:37 And you just feel the need for that, the hope in that.
24:41 It is absolutely huge, and I think, I believe as we
24:45 heal in our marriage.
24:46 As we heal in our churches
24:47 and we heal in our singleness.
24:48 And we heal in our children.
24:50 I mean, it's just is systemic.
24:52 The singleness systemic issue,
24:54 and the church is systemic.
24:55 It doesn't matter what the denomination we are not
24:57 protecting our singleness.
24:59 We are saying we are not going to protect you in the
25:01 worst culture that has ever existed in human history
25:03 with pornography on the phone with the Internet.
25:05 Next you in the computer work.
25:07 We are not going to protect you against that,
25:09 but you do good and tells how goes.
25:11 And I do have some anger about that because my daughter
25:13 is coming up to there and I want her to be protected.
25:16 I want my son to be in a college, in local church
25:18 that protects her as much as I would.
25:20 My daughter said when she was probably fifteen,
25:22 and we were going through some stuff, she said she
25:25 was reading about how they blessed the women
25:29 of the virgins of Israel.
25:30 In fact stoned them, if they weren't at all like kind
25:32 of stuff and she said, mom,
25:34 nobody cares about this stuff anymore.
25:36 And she literally had tears in her eyes,
25:38 nobody cares about this.
25:39 And I'm thinking, we've got to care about that.
25:41 So it is almost a cry out saying that you talk about
25:45 marriage, but it all is important.
25:47 It really is all important.
25:48 And it is so important that
25:50 the church redeems singleness.
25:52 It really is and we honor it and say this a very
25:54 important time of your life.
25:56 Grow close to Lord, go ahead and date, and court,
25:58 whatever you're going to do there, but we are going
26:00 to oversee you because we love you and
26:02 want to protect you.
26:03 That's incredible, because I just believe that people
26:06 feel so loved when somebody just covers them and says,
26:09 you know what we care about you.
26:10 It is a big deal.
26:11 If we can do that in the church then I think
26:14 everything gets healthy.
26:16 Absolutely, in. I think at the church as a family
26:19 and of our families are healthier in their marriages,
26:23 and in the dating processes, and raising children than
26:26 the culture is going to be attracted to us not because
26:30 of some deep spiritual experience.
26:32 But because it looks like we've got health,
26:34 and they are sick.
26:36 And they are going to come where they think health is.
26:38 Do you know what I'm saying?
26:39 And then they will get saved and have eternal life and
26:41 it's a wonderful process.
26:42 However if we don't get healthy,
26:45 they are going to run from us.
26:47 Well, they can't tell the difference between the show at
26:50 church and the show in the world, that is an issue.
26:54 Exactly, we are going to take a break,
26:56 but stay with us.
26:57 I am hoping that you just heard everything, everything
27:00 because it's still so cool.
27:02 It's so cool to fix our marriages, to fall in love
27:05 with each other to stay in love to date and do all that
27:07 kind of stuff is just amazing.
27:08 And we got to start somewhere and we got
27:11 take care of each other.
27:12 And then I think the world will be drawn toward us
27:15 because its way cool.
27:18 Stay tuned, we will be right back!