Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Dr. Douglas Weiss
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR00035B
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00:13 Welcome back!
00:14 On this segment were going to just get to the questions 00:16 right away because there is 00:18 a lot of questions. 00:19 And we don't have a lot of time. 00:20 So I'm going to open up to the folks on the floor, 00:23 is that alright? Let's do it! 00:24 Teresa you had a question. 00:26 Yes, after five years of marriage, right now we are 00:31 going to turn nine soon. 00:33 But when I got married, my self-esteem was so low, 00:37 but thanks to God, thanks to my husband, he's put my 00:41 life at this level. 00:43 Being down he put me so high. 00:45 Something happened that destroyed my heart, and 00:52 obviously from being up, it put me down again. 00:58 And it has been so hard for me to try to believe again, 01:05 and to try to trust in him again for 01:08 something that happened that destroyed me. 01:11 Even though God has been helping us, but it is 01:14 very hard and want to ask you, what can I do to 01:16 in order to relieve a relationship that can work again 01:21 You have actually mentioned several things Teresa, I mean 01:25 one is if your self-esteem is being 01:28 mediated by your husband. 01:30 You want to switch that over to Jesus, because 01:33 He is really stable. 01:35 Your husband is a wonderful man, I'm sure, 01:37 but all men have instability. 01:39 Some days we like you and some days, we don't. 01:42 And you just have to deal at that because we do too. 01:45 So you definitely want to put the core of your 01:48 esteem on Jesus. 01:50 Because He will never say anything but I 01:51 love you, you are beautiful your great. 01:53 And that is permanent. 01:54 Now when hurt happens in a relationship depending on 01:57 what degree it is, sometimes we have to get angry. 02:01 We have an exercise called Cleansing the Temple, write 02:03 the anger letter, go in a room somewhere and just get it 02:06 out of your body so you can discharge that. 02:08 Because when something harmful happens, you have to 02:11 go through the grief, shock, denial anger, bargaining. 02:13 If I did this or if I did that, if the house is clean 02:16 or what ever this wouldn't of happened or whatever. 02:17 And then you go through sadness and acceptance 02:19 so accelerating the process would really be helpful. 02:21 And then doing some exercises, we talked about, 02:23 as far as connecting your heart together would be 02:24 good, if you think you something, and I don't know your 02:28 situation, but I deal with a lot of people who 02:30 even as Christians do. 02:32 Their situations with either pornography, fidelity, 02:35 or stuff that is outside of what you're talking about. 02:37 And I've known some guys, they even do a polygraph 02:40 to verify they are not doing that stuff anymore. 02:42 And that is something that the men can do. 02:45 So, that is radical, I know, but some people are a 02:47 lot more pain than you are probably presenting. 02:49 It's okay to have pain, that is okay. 02:54 And it's okay to talk about your pain, and talk about 02:57 your feelings, because some of the pain is more 02:58 feeling, rejected feeling, unimportant 03:00 and stuff like that. 03:01 Him sharing his heart with you, is going to validate 03:03 that you are important, your beautiful and 03:06 you are desired by him. 03:07 So what happens in today's, tell me if I'm so off. 03:13 So what if I'm damaged in the relationship by something 03:16 happened with my spouse, and I'm damaged and trying 03:19 to do these exercises, and that pain comes up, what 03:22 do I do with it during the exercises? 03:23 All of us are damaged before we get married. 03:27 We are all fallen. 03:29 And we're damaged in our marriage, so that's 03:31 a level playing field. 03:33 Your husband going to hurt you, my wife is going to 03:34 hurt me, that's life. 03:36 Some is going be deeper than others, so you're not 03:39 saying to ignore the intensity on what's happening? 03:41 Now, but when you do the exercise you want keep 03:43 those things out. 03:44 Because the exercise is kind of like a vitamin. 03:46 You put that in to take out the toxins. 03:49 Do you see what I'm saying? 03:50 That actually fortifies you connecting to each other so 03:52 that you can resist the things and have more 03:55 strength when not if when you hurt each other. 03:58 And that's a huge- 04:00 This is in really important because a lot of women tends to 04:02 believe it when they get married, and they give 04:03 their heart to their husband, that their husband should 04:05 do nothing to hurt their heart. 04:07 Well, who are you marrying? 04:09 Give me a break. 04:12 You're the only guy out there that's going to do that. 04:14 Women have some fantasies about their heart, about 04:17 their beauty, and about love that are just fantasies. 04:20 You are going to be hurt. 04:22 I am going to be hurt. 04:24 My wife can be beautiful, she's very beautiful, but 04:26 she's going to hurt me, GUARANTEED! 04:28 She's a sinner, I'm a sinner. 04:29 Do you see what I am saying? 04:30 And sometimes that just helps too, because in one of 04:33 the books I've written, it talks about realizing that 04:36 you're going to forgive every sin that person commits 04:39 against you, before they do it. 04:41 Knowing you are marrying a sinner, and you have to make 04:47 the decision before hand, otherwise you are going 04:50 to decide on every sin along the way. 04:51 And you don't want Ishmael, if Ishmael decides Oh I'm going 04:57 wait until Teresa sins, then I'm going to say well. 05:00 I forgive that no, not-your going to pay for that one. 05:02 Three years, six months, two days and then your good. 05:04 And if he actually decided all the sins as you went 05:07 through, that that would be painful. 05:08 Where, if Ishmael says in his heart, what this woman is 05:10 going to sin against me. 05:11 She's beautiful, I love her but she 05:13 is going to sin against me. 05:14 She's going to hurt my heart, she's going to hurt me, 05:16 and I've already decided I'm going to forgive her 05:17 from now until she dies. 05:20 Every sin, his life will be a lot easier. 05:23 And that's exactly what Christ did. 05:25 It no surprise, oh you sinned! 05:27 I'm so surprised, a sinner that sinned! 05:30 How weird is that? 05:31 And that can soften the process as well. 05:34 But that is a very good question. 05:35 To me as you are speaking that is incredible, cause 05:38 Christ does that with us before we even came into 05:41 existence, He has forgiven us. 05:42 Totally! - So just using that concept in our marriage. 05:45 And I love what you said too. 05:47 In the middle of doing this ten minutes, you might have 05:51 all the stuff that you're working on in your marriage, 05:53 but let that go for a minute. 05:55 And this is a healthy safe place. 05:56 And the commitment that we have to make to each other 05:58 to do that oh my goodness is just a discipline. 06:01 It's huge, but I mean, you spend more time on your 06:04 hair, most women spend more than ten minutes on their 06:06 hair, so they can certainly spend ten minutes with 06:08 the men they say they love. 06:09 So it is not a big time commitment. 06:11 It does change, it does change the texture 06:14 of your marriage. 06:15 Cause know there's going to be a least one good oasis, 06:18 even if all chaos broke loose all day long, kids, you, 06:21 the dogs, and neighbors. 06:22 There are three car accidents, and your garage got hit, 06:25 the dog died by getting struck by lightning. 06:27 All that happen in one day for you. 06:28 You would still know that in this ten minutes, 06:30 there is a sacred spot. 06:32 Just your heart, just my heart, just now. 06:35 And that makes marriage better. 06:36 How does that feel? 06:38 Anything else? 06:39 I was thinking that sometimes it depends, by our background 06:44 for example, he grew up as a Christian. 06:47 In my case it was very different came from Ecuador, and 06:50 when I came over here I wasn't Christian. 06:53 Until I went to the high school and met him. 06:55 And that's when he started inviting me to the Church. 06:58 So my mentality is very different in the way that I 07:01 excepting him when he makes a mistake, is very hard for me 07:06 to understand probably for him, it's more easier. 07:09 But sometimes I'm thinking about how to start. 07:12 Because he wasn't to be a sinner, 07:13 and you were supposed to be a sinner? 07:14 Yes that's right, now I'm telling you. 07:16 He sins different than you, that's all. 07:18 How does that make you feel? 07:19 From the beginning she was thinking, because she came 07:25 from that background, not Christian. 07:26 You're not going to be perfect. 07:27 She looked up to me to do things right. 07:30 You messed up right! 07:31 Well, yeah, after nine years, 07:35 you make a lot of mistakes. 07:39 And this is surprising right? 07:43 Surprising for her. 07:45 But I have another question, when you make mistakes, 07:52 how can you forget about the mistake, and don't 07:54 bring that mistake like two, three years later, 07:57 and bring that pain back? 07:59 Now there's two parts to your questions, Ishmael 08:02 because sometimes especially as someone 08:05 that think, now don't think you're perfect. 08:07 I don't get that sense from you, but some 08:08 people actually do. 08:09 They hide their sins that it makes it hard to be 08:11 in a relationship, because they are un-authentic. 08:13 We all sin, so you have to have a policy in your 08:16 marriage about sin how are you going to deal with it. 08:17 Is just like the government, how are you going to 08:19 govern, how you deal with sin. 08:20 Are you going to do with the Bible says, confession 08:21 faults one to another? 08:23 Pray for each other. 08:24 You know, I sinned against you, today I was rude, 08:26 I was impatient. 08:27 I have two do this a few times a week for 08:30 just a slight attitude. 08:31 Because that is sin, I don't call it an issue, I blame 08:35 my mom, I'm your daddy. 08:36 I don't call on any excuses for my behavior. 08:37 I'm responsible, so if I'm impatient, or I don't have 08:40 all the information, then there was like some situation 08:43 in my office, my wife works alongside of me, and I was 08:46 I had something scheduled, and she scheduled 08:48 a friend's wedding, well the friend scheduled the wedding. 08:51 but it was supposed to be this wedding and they were on two 08:53 different calendars and that was suppose to be managed. 08:56 Well, cause that is what is supposed to happen and 08:57 and it didn't happen and I was instantly kind of like, that. 09:01 And you know, I'm usually pretty gentle, but every once 09:03 in a while I get just like this lightning bolt hits me 09:06 and I go insane. 09:07 And so I had to ask her, but see, I did only apologize 09:10 to her, because one of my office staff is right next to 09:12 my wife, when this happened. 09:14 So the next day I went in when she was there. 09:18 Jamie, in my office and Lisa my wife, and I said listen Jamie 09:21 yesterday, I sinned against my wife in front of you. 09:24 I shouldn't act like that. 09:25 That was wrong, forgive me. 09:27 And they both, my wife did forgive me. 09:29 You see if you have an attitude towards sin, and you're 09:31 going to sin, and when you sin you'll confess it and your 09:33 marriage will be a whole lot easier than if you 09:35 think you're perfect, and you've got to protect yourself. 09:37 Does that make sense? 09:38 So that position really depends on you. 09:41 So if you are a guy who protects himself from sin all 09:43 the time, your wife got to pointed it out. 09:44 Then that's different. 09:46 If you're someone that confesses it along the way, 09:48 then you're going to be on an easier deal. 09:50 And I would say Theresa, expect him to sin, 09:53 Don't look for it, it will show up. 09:55 But when he does, give him the same grace that you 09:59 received in Christ. 10:00 You know, he's not better than you because 10:02 he was saved before you. 10:03 You know I'm saying? 10:05 The blood has no time, do you know what I'm saying? 10:09 It will help you relax, help and him relax. 10:11 now he's allowed to be imperfect. 10:13 He doesn't have to practice it. 10:15 But he is allowed to be. 10:16 Going through this process, what I find so incredible 10:20 what couples decide to literally look at the reality 10:25 of their truth in a situation. 10:27 Is there a is a freedom in that. 10:28 I don't have to pretend that I'm not this or that. 10:32 I can literally work on stuff and really 10:35 want to be better. 10:36 But when the Bible says like a child of God doesn't 10:39 sin, I started looking at the Greek word and it says 10:42 does it continually habitually commit the same sin. 10:46 So being able to say to somebody that in the marriage 10:49 relationship is when we messed up how are we going to 10:52 handle that and I love the way you pointed that out. 10:54 It's just like when you burp you say excuse me. 10:56 Now look at, you guys you don't burp right? 10:58 It's that kind of thing. 11:02 You just ask forgiveness and move forward, 11:05 knowing that your sinners. 11:06 You know, my wife sins very rarely actually, but you 11:09 know, when she does she owns it and its good. 11:11 I'm calling her, is that true? 11:14 Yeah, and my sons, just like her. 11:15 He sins very rarely, and he'll confess his sin 11:19 almost before he does it. 11:20 And I am like, what is this I married a saint 11:22 and now I have got a son. 11:23 That's really tough there's two against me now. 11:26 Unfortunately, my daughters more like me, so we do 11:28 our fair share of sinning. 11:29 That's funny, that is so funny. 11:32 Okay, are there any other questions? 11:34 How about Nyse. 11:37 Okay, great. 11:39 So we see the whole picture here with the marriage 11:42 and stuff like that. 11:43 You can take care in ten minutes and stuff like that 11:45 which is fantastic. 11:46 However, with the marriage, whether it was good or bad, 11:49 so that's in place already. 11:50 So you're going to have to work it out, but 11:52 for like the single people, myself and a partner here, 11:57 you know, just looking at it is their something, eight, nine 12:00 minute fix or something like that. 12:01 But the only catch is, is that for the single person it's 12:06 like double trouble. 12:07 If I can say that. 12:09 There's so many things come from left, from right. 12:10 And stuff like that and then especially with the 12:13 marriage you I make sure it's good so you don't have 12:15 to deal with these issues later. 12:17 Is there some simple steps or. 12:19 I've got a couple things I want to say to you Nyse. 12:22 Jesus has been single for two thousand years. 12:25 So it's okay, you know what He's perfect to don't 12:28 take it personally. 12:29 Right there, I'm saying I dating the Lord and wedding 12:32 for Him when He comes back with the church. 12:33 He may have someone for you, but I dated my wife for 12:38 five years and during that time, 12:39 we took personality inventories. 12:41 We read premarital books. 12:43 We really worked on it to make sure 12:45 that we were compatible. 12:46 So there isn't ten minutes, it's a process. 12:49 You definitely want to have people around you giving you 12:51 feedback, so that your emotions 12:52 are not getting in the way. 12:54 And that your physical relationship is staying pure. 12:57 So it isn't ten minutes sorry. 12:59 But the principles as far as praying together, sharing 13:02 your heart, connecting quality time, those are the same 13:05 because those are the same principles that make every 13:07 relationship successful. 13:08 So once you find this person apply those principles, 13:11 and then maintain those principles after you marry 13:13 them, don't just dump them off and say well now you're 13:16 my wife. I don't have to maintain you. 13:17 The same thing that you did to capture her heart, is 13:19 the same thing you will need to do to maintain it. 13:23 So, you are on a life journey and the fact that you 13:27 have not discovered the prize is part of, I call it God's, 13:32 one of His favorite game, hide and seek. 13:34 Up no I'm not there, up not there, up oh you found me. 13:39 So just be patient with Him He's playing but for your purpose 13:43 stay under authority, be accountable, 13:46 and you are going to be great. 13:47 You know, it is incredible what you said, as far as 13:51 being single, is that I really believe that skills that 13:55 you learn just with yourself 13:57 and with people around too. 13:59 I can clearly say to somebody, even in the congregation 14:03 the body of Christ or friend, be 14:05 straight up with who I am, but I learn those skills. 14:07 So it's not just marriage. 14:09 Clean up your own backyard, so if you got stuff in your past 14:12 just in general with single people, I say clean up your 14:15 backyard because then you don't have to be messing with that 14:17 one when you are married because it is a lot worse. 14:19 Clean up now, also your self-esteem will go up. 14:21 So you'll choose someone with higher self-esteem. 14:23 So, you know why I think people it up with dealing that 14:26 stuff more when they're married in their single? 14:28 It's because your buttons are pushed all the time. 14:30 If your buttons are way out here. 14:32 If I'm staying with somebody twenty four seven, 14:34 and I have buttons to push. 14:37 If you're wounded, you can are going to have to act 14:39 like a wounded person not a healed person. 14:41 Marriage is definitely a place that will show what you have 14:45 done, what you haven't done, 14:46 and what you've got yet to do. 14:47 You know somebody said I was find until I married that guy. 14:50 And I'm thinking you weren't though. 14:52 You just got deceived, he just showed you that 14:54 you were deceived. 14:55 Exactly, exactly, great question though. 14:58 Monique, you had a question. 15:00 Yes, I'm single and as I have gotten involved in different 15:05 relationships and you put the work in so you can 15:08 get to know the person. 15:09 You want them to be authentic, you want to be authentic 15:11 so that you can really, honestly assess whether this person 15:13 can become a life-long partner. 15:15 As you are putting that work in, if you begin to realize that 15:19 this person has issues or addictions or certain vices that 15:22 you know you can't live with and put up with. 15:24 I would think that when you are in that dating relationship 15:27 something needs to end at that point. 15:30 When you are married you have to put 15:32 the work in to fix it. 15:33 And so many times, I think, in relationships, 15:36 people, if you're dating, people are trying fix something that. 15:39 is wrong with the other person. 15:40 So there should be a difference when you are 15:44 you are married verses dating. 15:45 When you are dating somebody, your intuition is right Monique 15:49 you are investigating. 15:50 And you are trying to find out if you can live with 15:53 the land mines you find, and some you can live with. 15:56 you know they like different food than you. 15:59 They don't know how to dress, and stuff like that, 16:01 you might be able to live with some of that. 16:03 But there might be some character flaws like lying, 16:05 that you cannot live with. 16:07 Or addictions, or you find out they are dating other people. 16:11 Things like that and those things all happen in a dating 16:15 relationship, but when you are dating, 16:16 you have to make a decision okay? 16:17 If you are getting in that part of the relationship and 16:21 you know you can't go the distance, get out. 16:23 Save yourself time, save themselves time, let them keep 16:26 shopping, you keep shopping that's all legit and normal. 16:28 The difficulty is sometimes in recovery. 16:32 there is this one liner that says principle over people. 16:35 If you stick to that you will be okay, if you stick to 16:39 your principles you will be okay. 16:40 But if you start saying well no they are really cute, they 16:42 have potential, just because do heroin or just because 16:45 they lie or just because of this, I think we can make it 16:47 on our love, then you start making it about person. 16:50 You start making decisions based on the person as 16:53 apposed to the principle. 16:54 If you understand as a principle you can't be with a liar 16:56 then you can't be with one. 16:58 Does that make sense? 16:59 Think your intuition is right and I would really 17:02 just encourage you to have a couple good guy friends and 17:06 girlfriends that look at the people that you're 17:08 looking at, because they will look at their flaws 17:10 sharper than you will. 17:12 And get the collective group consensus on their flaws, 17:17 and I think that helps as well, because sometimes 17:19 you get into a relationship that is just you and me 17:22 and were trying to investigate each other, you know. 17:24 And if a guy is trying to isolate you all the time from 17:27 your friends, that's a problem right there. 17:29 You know what I'm saying because he doesn't really 17:31 want to be looked at. 17:33 See what I'm saying. 17:34 I get it, I get it so it is okay just share with a 17:37 friend that this person has this problem. 17:38 I need to get out of this relationship and I guess 17:43 that would help me to be accountable. 17:44 Yes, you'd be called crazy and stuff like that. 17:47 And that kind of starts getting to you after while. 17:49 To me it's incredible when you look at your friend 17:52 and you kind of just putting it out there. 17:53 And I've done this when I was single, and they looked 17:56 at many like are you kidding me? 17:57 He said that, and you just stood there. 17:59 And they're looking at like it's absolutely just 18:02 beyond what they could imagine you would be putting up with 18:04 And you're like what and you really have to 18:07 look at the reaction. 18:08 Because I'm thinking he's funny he's cute, 18:10 he makes me laugh. 18:11 And they are like you would put up with that for 18:14 anybody, I am not sure why you are putting 18:16 up with that, with him. 18:17 One thing to know what to say about single that I 18:20 find out as I travel, is that a lot of 18:23 people engage physically. 18:25 It in those relationships and they are so bonded with 18:28 each other that the principal thing is out the window. 18:30 So can you talk on that? 18:32 That is one of the reasons why God wanted us to 18:33 be not sexual before marriage. 18:36 Because once you start having sex you get kind of 18:40 unable to see clearly. 18:42 The honeymoon period of the relationship 18:44 of the marriage okay. 18:45 And what happens is that if you are not sexual, 18:48 you can keep principle first. 18:50 Do you know what I'm saying? 18:52 Once you start, being sexual you get so physically and 18:55 psychologically attached and emotionally attached that 18:58 you will tolerate stuff, because of your own guilt, 19:02 your own shame at all that stuff. 19:04 You made that connection. It gets messy, 19:07 So the sex thing is really a variable only for 19:11 marriage, because God doesn't want you messed up. 19:13 Because if you are dating a loser, He wants you to know 19:16 before you married him. 19:17 It's a lot less work, you know! 19:22 What I think is real interesting is that when you look 19:26 at, that is that you can see as an outsider. 19:29 You kind of see somebody and they are whole journey 19:32 into marriage, and you want to say what shocked you 19:35 about what you are experiencing now. 19:36 But they have already connected and bonded so much, 19:38 had no accountability partner. 19:41 I'm a counselor, and I have been doing counseling for 19:43 over nineteen years. 19:45 At some of the people dating got pregnant 19:46 and got married. 19:47 And now the trek up from there is sometimes difficult, 19:50 because they might have married him in two or three 19:52 years, but they weren't really mature enough at that 19:55 particular juncture in time. 19:56 It made them have to do a whole lot more work, so yeah. 19:59 It gets complicated, so keep it simple, 20:01 keep it pure, keep it clean, fun. 20:03 This is going to be an odd thing to say, but I'd read 20:07 in Deuteronomy this thing at child born outside of 20:10 wedlock, child born outside of that commitment 20:12 relationship, and it said something about being 20:15 cursed by ten generations. 20:17 I am that child that was conceived. 20:20 But when I read that, I try to say God, 20:23 what does that mean? 20:24 It wasn't really that God said He was 20:26 going to curse them. 20:27 Just because it's out of wedlock, because of all the 20:29 garbage around all that kind of stuff, unless somebody 20:32 stands up and claims that life back. 20:35 There, just set up for this. 20:36 So, I think that we really don't put in enough stock 20:40 into the principles that God has given to us in those 20:44 dating relationships. 20:45 In those pre-marriage times, 20:46 where God again tries to bless us. 20:49 And there's no room to get in to bless us. 20:52 And if you have to manipulate and try to make 20:54 it all happen for you. 20:55 And I would say this to any single, not just talking 20:57 to either one of you guys, I'm just talking to like 21:00 singles at large in the body of Christ. 21:02 Jesus does forgive you for those sins, He does forgive 21:06 you for sexual immorality. 21:08 He does not want you to participate in that because 21:10 it's steals your spiritual authority. 21:11 And that revelation as a whole other conversation. 21:14 But He does forgive, He does want to redeem and you 21:16 don't want to ever have to get married out of guilt, 21:19 because you had sex. 21:20 That's like a really double bad thing. 21:22 You want to get forgiven, get right and accountable and 21:26 then just move forward to that process. 21:28 Some people think it's so condemned and it is. 21:31 It's not a good idea, but the blood of Jesus is so 21:35 powerful, it has forgiven every sin, every person of 21:38 every nation that has existed or ever will exist. 21:41 So our little sin, isn't going to put 21:44 Jesus out of commission? 21:46 But it will impact us if we don't get it under the 21:50 blood and move it into a redemptive community. 21:51 Does that make sense? 21:53 So it's really powerful that the message be responsible. 21:56 There is grace, be responsible, and there is grace be 21:59 responsible, and there is grace. 22:01 To know what I'm saying is we are all humans and we 22:04 fumble around on finding the partner thing. 22:06 And I think the church has done a bad job actually. 22:10 In one of the senses - I see, 22:13 I see like this little thing. 22:17 This is my soapbox, and I saw that come up for you. 22:23 All right, let's do it. 22:24 Because I think the church has abandoned single people. 22:27 I have a book that's not published called Successfully 22:30 Single, and in there and we have doctrines on baptism 22:33 and all kinds of things, but we do not have a doctrine 22:37 of singleness that's effective. 22:39 In the western culture, what we have done is say 22:42 singles don't ask and we won't tell. 22:44 You don't tell how we won't ask to whatever you want. 22:46 Too bad for the those boo-boos. 22:47 We are not a family a redemptive family. 22:49 You are the most valuable possession, we have and we 22:52 are going to protect you. 22:53 And when you come into this family, here are the dating 22:55 guidelines, and if you mess them up, there is to be 22:58 some man in your face, because we love you, the church 23:01 has abandoned the singles, until they get married. 23:05 And I think generally, I do singles conferences, 23:08 singles feel that, they do 23:10 not feel protected in the church. 23:11 Now in our church, we actually had a situation where 23:15 the Singles Again group, there was a guy in there, who 23:18 was going after the women who were married before. 23:21 Divorced women, and he was acting inappropriately. 23:24 And he had to be confronted by the church, 23:26 and he was asked to leave. 23:27 Few churches do that. 23:29 Do you know what I'm saying? 23:31 And you're all shaking your head because 23:32 we don't talk about it. 23:33 And so we do not want wolves in the church. 23:35 I think the church has to do a better job Cheri, at 23:38 protecting and giving good guidelines for dating. 23:42 You know, my daughter, she has guidelines. 23:44 I bet she does. 23:46 Oh yeah, because she's so young. 23:49 She says God bless the man who wants to date me. 23:53 He's going to have to go through my dad. 23:55 If he gets through that alive, I think he might 23:58 be okay to marry. 24:00 So, we have already reduced, because there is a 24:02 genuine respect of the family ness of that process 24:07 that is not a you process, a family process. 24:10 And the church does not have a family process 24:13 for singles to go through. 24:14 To say not only that, but there's not the process to 24:17 bless them, to say hey, you've done it right, 24:22 you dated, you courted, you've been pure to the 24:24 best of our knowledge, and now because of that, 24:28 your spiritual mentors, your pastor and other 24:31 people are going to come and we are going to have a 24:33 meeting on your engagement and were going to bless 24:34 you in your marriage. 24:35 There is the missing of the blessing. 24:37 And you just feel the need for that, the hope in that. 24:41 It is absolutely huge, and I think, I believe as we 24:45 heal in our marriage. 24:46 As we heal in our churches 24:47 and we heal in our singleness. 24:48 And we heal in our children. 24:50 I mean, it's just is systemic. 24:52 The singleness systemic issue, 24:54 and the church is systemic. 24:55 It doesn't matter what the denomination we are not 24:57 protecting our singleness. 24:59 We are saying we are not going to protect you in the 25:01 worst culture that has ever existed in human history 25:03 with pornography on the phone with the Internet. 25:05 Next you in the computer work. 25:07 We are not going to protect you against that, 25:09 but you do good and tells how goes. 25:11 And I do have some anger about that because my daughter 25:13 is coming up to there and I want her to be protected. 25:16 I want my son to be in a college, in local church 25:18 that protects her as much as I would. 25:20 My daughter said when she was probably fifteen, 25:22 and we were going through some stuff, she said she 25:25 was reading about how they blessed the women 25:29 of the virgins of Israel. 25:30 In fact stoned them, if they weren't at all like kind 25:32 of stuff and she said, mom, 25:34 nobody cares about this stuff anymore. 25:36 And she literally had tears in her eyes, 25:38 nobody cares about this. 25:39 And I'm thinking, we've got to care about that. 25:41 So it is almost a cry out saying that you talk about 25:45 marriage, but it all is important. 25:47 It really is all important. 25:48 And it is so important that 25:50 the church redeems singleness. 25:52 It really is and we honor it and say this a very 25:54 important time of your life. 25:56 Grow close to Lord, go ahead and date, and court, 25:58 whatever you're going to do there, but we are going 26:00 to oversee you because we love you and 26:02 want to protect you. 26:03 That's incredible, because I just believe that people 26:06 feel so loved when somebody just covers them and says, 26:09 you know what we care about you. 26:10 It is a big deal. 26:11 If we can do that in the church then I think 26:14 everything gets healthy. 26:16 Absolutely, in. I think at the church as a family 26:19 and of our families are healthier in their marriages, 26:23 and in the dating processes, and raising children than 26:26 the culture is going to be attracted to us not because 26:30 of some deep spiritual experience. 26:32 But because it looks like we've got health, 26:34 and they are sick. 26:36 And they are going to come where they think health is. 26:38 Do you know what I'm saying? 26:39 And then they will get saved and have eternal life and 26:41 it's a wonderful process. 26:42 However if we don't get healthy, 26:45 they are going to run from us. 26:47 Well, they can't tell the difference between the show at 26:50 church and the show in the world, that is an issue. 26:54 Exactly, we are going to take a break, 26:56 but stay with us. 26:57 I am hoping that you just heard everything, everything 27:00 because it's still so cool. 27:02 It's so cool to fix our marriages, to fall in love 27:05 with each other to stay in love to date and do all that 27:07 kind of stuff is just amazing. 27:08 And we got to start somewhere and we got 27:11 take care of each other. 27:12 And then I think the world will be drawn toward us 27:15 because its way cool. 27:18 Stay tuned, we will be right back! |
Revised 2014-12-17