Celebrating Life in Recovery

Get A Grip

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Dr. Douglas Weiss


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR00034B

00:13 This is my favorite segment,
00:15 where we talk to the guest and I get to introduce you to
00:18 somebody, that is either a friend of mine and has
00:20 changed my life or who I think is just going to so
00:23 pour into your life that you can get a grip on
00:26 what you're dealing with.
00:27 And today I want to introduce you to
00:29 Dr. Douglas Weiss.
00:30 Dr. Doug, I wanted tell you,
00:32 I'm so thrilled that you're here.
00:34 Well I'm glad to be here.
00:35 I think you're a genius.
00:36 While I think your fun, so let's have fun.
00:39 And has a genius stuff.
00:40 And so we're going to talk about
00:42 a lot of people, myself.
00:44 I'm just going to stay with myself and I got
00:46 into recovery.
00:47 I knew that the Bible has all these promises.
00:50 Everybody is tell me that recovery all you have to
00:52 do is stop doing drugs, and you're going to be fine.
00:54 And I'm strung out, homeless for ten years,
00:57 have horrendous families issues,
00:59 and I stopped doing drugs, and I was not fine.
01:01 I've had the same experience,
01:03 I got a radically saved, and read the Bible,
01:05 went to Bible school thirty days later,
01:06 but I was alcohol and drugs fell off instantly.
01:08 But the sexual addiction thing for years,
01:11 and I was torn, was ripped up, I felt guilty, was ashamed.
01:14 I was in the choir, was in Bible school,
01:15 I was in church, like five or six days a week
01:17 and still struggling.
01:19 And so I know what it's like to be radically saved
01:22 and still have an area or two or three or four five,
01:26 because then you don't know how many you have
01:28 that you're not in control of.
01:31 It feels like you're burping all the time
01:33 with these behaviors.
01:34 I know like what it says I'm a child of God, I'm suppose to
01:37 look like king, but I'm not these things keep popping up.
01:40 What is this so I totally get it.
01:41 You know, when you talked about
01:43 the devotion this morning.
01:44 They should know that everything is cool until
01:46 somebody hits those buttons.
01:48 And all that stuff is there so when
01:50 it comes to the surface.
01:51 It's not because of it he gave me that.
01:52 And that there are interfering with my life,
01:55 is that I have it there.
01:56 Yes, now some of us legitimately have it there
01:59 from things we've experienced, like you had traumas,
02:01 I've had traumas.
02:02 Some of us had really bad role models to say it's
02:05 okay to be angry and throw things or do stuff
02:08 like that when they were smoking or doing stuff.
02:10 And some role models that were issues, and some of us
02:14 there's physical abuse, emotional abuse, abandonment,
02:17 You know abandonment can be very hard on the soul.
02:20 It says your not worth it says you're not worthy to
02:24 be loved, not worthy to be cared for.
02:26 And if you internalize those messages.
02:28 You can repeat that in your own life.
02:30 I tell my clients all the time,
02:31 you can become your own perpetrator.
02:33 Maybe this person abused you,
02:35 maybe this person abused you,
02:36 and this person abused you,
02:37 this person abandoned you.
02:38 But now look what you're doing to yourself!
02:39 And sometimes we get stuck in those foundational
02:42 patterns that relate in our life,
02:44 and we do need to take responsibility for it.
02:46 The first time that I was exposed to any of the
02:48 insights you have, the teachings that you have on coming
02:52 out of all that junk.
02:53 I just wanted to cry because I thought
02:54 how cool is this.
02:55 But what if they got me the most is you come
02:59 from that place, you know what you're talking about.
03:01 And so I want you to share with us who you are.
03:04 Why do you know, when you talk about abandonment,
03:07 right then, could I tell in your eyes that you know
03:10 what you're talking about.
03:11 I was conceived in adultery.
03:13 Okay, I never met my biological dad,
03:15 my mom got divorced from her first husband,
03:17 married a guy she met in a bar,
03:19 his last name is Weiss.
03:20 Okay, that's how I got my name.
03:22 Of course, he was a drunk, so they got divorced.
03:24 So I went in foster homes for several years and then
03:27 she took me out with a guy she was living with
03:28 and he eventually became a step dad.
03:30 I knew abandonment by the time
03:31 I came out of the womb.
03:33 Right, probably even pre, I don't know.
03:35 Probably before that is, who is this new guy
03:39 talking to me.
03:40 So abandonment can be a core anchor for
03:46 dysfunctional behavior.
03:47 Absolutely, but the Spirit of adoption can feel those
03:50 places, but we have to open those places up.
03:52 The thing that really keeps, Cheri,
03:55 us trapped is self-deception.
03:56 So part of the solution is self honesty.
03:59 Yeah, I was abandoned, yeah, my mom, my grandma,
04:02 my dad my legal dad, they all abandoned me.
04:04 I just have to say for anybody out there that
04:06 really doesn't know how to be honest,
04:08 don't let that scare you.
04:09 It's not that complicated.
04:11 But you know, like even coming out of that.
04:13 Somebody said, we did know what you just got to be
04:15 normal or honest.
04:16 I'm like, okay is this good.
04:20 Where you start that?
04:21 Because you know, some of us is that we get so much trash
04:25 kind of on trash, on trash, on trash.
04:27 It's like, what does it mean to be normal,
04:29 what does it mean to be honest.
04:31 What is that mean to feel, to stay present,
04:34 I mean all those kind of things.
04:35 And so what you're saying is with your background.
04:39 That's where you started too.
04:41 I don't know anything, you know,
04:43 I'm coming out of foster homes.
04:44 Yeah well, actually when I came to Lord,
04:46 I was in Bible school, I mean I came there about thirty days
04:48 later I was in my Bible school and I was in the dorm room.
04:50 Like God, if you're going to use me, like,
04:52 could you have chosen a different path?
04:53 In all like give me decent parents, you know,
04:56 give me the Bible went out was six years old?
04:58 To all the kind of stuff, why did I have to go
05:00 through so much abuse and neglect, but I didn't know that
05:01 He had a ministry for me to set captives free.
05:04 So I had to be a captive to set captives free.
05:06 That was His design for me.
05:08 And some of us look at our scars and we don't realize
05:10 that they are His scars for us.
05:12 So that we can release scars for others.
05:15 Instead of being a baby about it, say listen,
05:18 these are my scars now You use them for the glory.
05:21 You use them for Your kingdom,
05:22 and I will open them up and let You heal them,
05:25 so you can heal through them.
05:27 Do you see what I'm saying, and some of us get
05:29 to know where I want to hide my scars.
05:30 You block the Ministry of the Spirit of God when you
05:33 block your scars.
05:34 He's not looking for perfect people He's
05:36 looking for screwed up people,
05:37 and you might qualify.
05:38 Ha ha, I qualify.
05:40 I'm saying in general we qualify,
05:42 he's looking for those flawed people that will
05:44 say I'm flawed and loved, because sinners believe
05:47 their flawed and not loved.
05:49 Right!
05:50 You see the difference?
05:51 When you could accept that your flawed and loved by
05:53 God and others, then you're free to do with
05:54 what He wants you to do on Earth.
05:56 Which is so incredible,
05:57 I don't have to pretend anymore,
05:58 I don't have to fake it anymore,
06:00 I literally can come to God and say God what are You
06:03 going to do with all this stuff.
06:04 And somebody said one time and I just laughed out loud.
06:07 They said, you know, if you have skeletons in your
06:09 closet take them out and teach them to dance.
06:11 And I'm like yes, right.
06:13 That's exactly it so part of getting a grip is doing that.
06:15 I mean we're talking about how someone who is stuck
06:18 in anger, or addictions or pornography or criticism
06:21 or jealousy how they opened that door and the
06:24 first thing is self honesty.
06:25 Then the next step would be disclosure.
06:29 See the Scripture says confess your faults to one another
06:31 that you may be healed.
06:33 So, many Christians are forgiven,
06:34 but they're not healed.
06:35 You see the difference? Because 1 John says,
06:38 if we confess our faults, He'll forgive us.
06:40 But many of us are forgiven,
06:42 but we are not healed, because we are not with
06:44 another person saying hey.
06:45 Here's my stuff, and when that happens, healing happens.
06:49 That's huge.
06:50 And then you're free to be authentic.
06:51 Let me just say that I didn't realize how huge that was.
06:55 I hid my, I came to Christ and hid all my background.
06:58 Homeless, heroine addict, all that stuff.
07:00 You became a Christian right?
07:01 For ten years became a Christian put on the right
07:02 clothes set there dying.
07:04 But as soon as I told somebody and saw the love and compassion
07:07 in their eyes.
07:08 The healing happens, so it is really,
07:10 be careful who you tell pick safe people.
07:13 But as soon as you say it out loud and see the love of
07:15 God in somebody else's eyes, you can kind of let go stuff.
07:17 And it releases the shame instantly in you.
07:19 I did a recovery.
07:20 They talk about doing your fifth step with someone were
07:23 you just really go through your whole garbage list
07:26 and I did that somebody you know,
07:27 and it was another recovery type person.
07:30 He is a great Christian guy and said I love you.
07:32 I left there, drove a block and I was in my little Honda
07:36 at that time because I was in the seminary.
07:37 I'm telling you, the Spirit of God just flushed through me.
07:40 I was so released I had to get out of the car,
07:42 I found a football place.
07:43 And I was jumping around praising God,
07:45 because I believe something like this.
07:48 I believe that if you really knew me,
07:50 you wouldn't love me.
07:51 You see, that is what the enemy wants you to stay
07:54 in, but if you release what you think is
07:56 unlovable to someone who can love you,
07:58 you will never have shame, which is shame
08:01 or guilt about that.
08:02 To the level that you do right now so that is another way
08:04 of getting out of breaking that foundation
08:06 of pain up.
08:07 Self honesty disclosure.
08:09 Disclosure yes.
08:10 And oh, you want more.
08:11 You know, I want to be being well when we are
08:13 done with this interview.
08:15 Well Okay, good for you.
08:16 Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
08:18 I should take notes that right!
08:21 I'm glad you got the book.
08:22 Because you can't do everything instantly.
08:25 It's a process and God loves process.
08:27 And you know what I like about the process.
08:29 Even with what you are sharing, I look at you
08:31 you are an incredible man of God
08:33 helping people get out of bondage.
08:35 You are happy, full of joy, and all those kind of things.
08:39 Kids and wife and dog.
08:40 Love your house, a place that you want to be.
08:44 You know God is good.
08:45 And so just be able to say with their process is
08:47 every single step you are getting closer to where you
08:49 can just sit in your own skin like it.
08:51 Absolutely, and so then you got yourself disclosure.
08:55 But then self disclosure, doesn't alleviate
08:57 some of the symptoms.
08:58 You know, if you are dealing with anger,
09:00 your compulsive in some way.
09:01 You are doing the ice cream at ten o'clock every
09:03 night or when every trip is.
09:04 You have that going on, now you have to start doing some work.
09:07 American Christians are Western Christians like
09:11 the instantaneous thing.
09:12 You know, it very where were good at that.
09:16 It's under the blood and all that.
09:18 That's fine, but sometimes God will walk
09:20 you through a process.
09:21 Once you start bringing people into the process,
09:24 one of the things we talk about is the power up principle.
09:27 Okay, and that is where you get a team of people,
09:29 or at lease one other person,
09:30 and you are accountable every single day.
09:32 In the book you write down every day you call them.
09:35 Now suppose I'm starting anger or hurt or envy.
09:38 We'll then I you say hey, I'm checking in with that.
09:40 So every day I'm checking envy, or my anger,
09:43 or what ever it is I'm struggling with
09:44 your inner problems.
09:46 Doug, I'm checking in, and I'm doing fine,
09:49 Oh, I slipped, you know.
09:50 I really got ticked off with
09:51 my boss or whatever.
09:52 And so that is like one principle.
09:53 That all by itself can take behavior that has
09:56 been controlling you for thirty years and reduces
09:59 it significantly in two or three weeks.
10:01 And it is because literally if I'm going to
10:03 be accountable to you when it starts coming up,
10:05 I think about it.
10:06 But it's absolutely huge.
10:08 It's an incredibly huge thing.
10:10 Yes, and now so you have the power principle in
10:13 place and you have this accountability,
10:14 at the end that I have a chapter or talk about
10:17 measure me please.
10:18 I hated that chapter.
10:19 You hated that chapter.
10:20 Go ahead, go ahead, though.
10:21 Because what it does, it lets you look at you everyday.
10:25 And sometimes it's not pretty,
10:26 especially like if I'm trying to lose ten pounds or whatever.
10:28 Oh man I went up a pound, went down a pound, up a pound.
10:33 It lets me see that so what happens
10:35 when you measure yourself.
10:36 You literally, you write down whatever the behaviors,
10:39 and you check off every day on how you're doing
10:41 with that behavior.
10:42 That's trying to get me not to exaggerate or lie, right.
10:44 And I'm just, you know, I was manipulative on the
10:48 streets, I was good at what I did,
10:50 and all that kind of stuff, and so measure yourself
10:52 every single time you exaggerate and please don't act like I'm
10:55 the only one that does this.
10:56 Every single time you exaggerate or lie,
10:58 you have to write it down.
10:59 Oh my goodness, your getting notebooks.
11:02 But to see what happens, you see you.
11:04 Amen, and it's so releasing.
11:06 And then there is another step if you want to go
11:08 even further with this and you can see it starting to
11:11 be painful, already like I don't want to look at me.
11:14 Come on this is a lot of looking at me, but yeah,
11:15 you see, you can have the intention of the fruit of the
11:19 Spirit, you can change like if you are an
11:20 impatient, you can actually harvest patience.
11:21 You know what I'm saying.
11:23 And God wants to pour it at you. He wants to do that but
11:24 sometimes, as we just like to have it by accident.
11:26 You can plant it so anyway,
11:28 once you get past the measurement,
11:30 you can say what I call double dipping or consequences.
11:33 Okay, let's call it spank the dog.
11:35 Okay, so spank the dog is, if I do x-behavior.
11:38 Then I get some kind of spanking.
11:40 You know, I don't did eat chocolate for the day,
11:42 I can go to Starbucks, I had to do lunges for half
11:45 a block or whatever.
11:46 I set up a consequence for me,
11:48 gives money to some person, I don't like or whatever.
11:50 I like that, especially the exercises.
11:52 Okay, if I wanted to eat Dryers ice cream,
11:54 I had to go thirty minutes on the bike.
11:56 So I'm going to eat much less ice cream.
11:59 Right, or some people say it they're doing the
12:01 weight thing they say okay, if I eat pass 4 o'clock
12:03 Then I have to spend thirty minutes in aerobics.
12:06 So they stop eating after 4 o'clock,
12:08 because then they loose weight.
12:09 They stop the behavior of eating and after 4 o'clock.
12:11 See what I am saying?
12:12 So getting a grip is a way to take your behaviors and get them
12:15 in submission to your desires or desires of the Holy Spirit.
12:19 And I think, we don't realize at least I didn't
12:23 at the first part of my recovery.
12:24 I so realize it now.
12:26 It is that God says freedom feels good.
12:28 Well, that is where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.
12:31 And so when He comes into us sometimes He gets
12:33 jammed up, because in that area is there's not freedom, yet.
12:35 So He will put pressure on you for 40 or 50 years
12:37 until you pop that thing open so that He can be in that spot.
12:41 You know what I'm saying?
12:42 So then the double dipping.
12:44 I love when you say, 40 or 50 years,
12:45 most people are just groaning right.
12:47 Oh, I know it's been that.
12:49 There's sometimes like you want to hold go door.
12:52 If we open that door up, He wants to be in that
12:55 place not just for us to be free,
12:57 but see He is very capitalistic.
12:59 He wants to set us free so that we can be used to set
13:02 a lots of people free.
13:03 So, His seed, will sow a hundred, a thousand,
13:05 ten thousand or a million.
13:07 If you will open one little door in your life.
13:09 It's who He is.
13:10 Because he loves freedom, heaven is free.
13:12 It's free of time it's free of sin.
13:13 It's a free place.
13:15 Incredible incredible.
13:16 So, or you can double-dip, hey listen if I reach my goal,
13:19 maybe I'm only angry once a week,
13:21 I get to play golf extra, or I get to do a little entertainment
13:25 thing extra, or I can reward myself.
13:27 Some people are motivated by reward.
13:28 Do you see what I am saying so you can.
13:30 I have to say with some of the people that I know and
13:34 love is that when your motivated with reward just
13:37 don't reward yourself at things that cause you damage.
13:39 So if you are overweight, don't go buy donuts.
13:42 So it is like being able to say, be smart,
13:45 because we can trip ourselves up easily.
13:48 Absolutely, you don't want to reinforce negative behavior.
13:49 Absolutely not.
13:51 But you can find things like suppose maybe you're
13:53 struggling with anger, or maybe your a shop-a-holic,
13:56 so you're shopping too much,
13:58 so maybe you say you don't buy anything for 30
14:01 days extra, then I'll get myself a massage.
14:03 You know, and that's a good deal,
14:06 because maybe you're love language is touched.
14:08 So you can say, wow okay, I can reward myself.
14:12 If I don't and I buy something,
14:13 then I don't get that massage.
14:15 They see some people and set that up so again.
14:17 You are setting up systems to destroy a behavior
14:20 that has been in our life proactively.
14:22 We can pro actively go after negative behaviors
14:25 that has the grips about.
14:26 Here is a negative behavior in my life, we all have them.
14:27 Being saved as in get rid of it.
14:30 It helps to put the process of getting rid of
14:33 it and not all of it instantly.
14:35 But God says through the Holy Spirit,
14:36 I promise you I will be so creative in helping you
14:40 unload all that baggage.
14:41 And I find here's what I have learned about Him.
14:45 He, if we're proactive, He doesn't have to be as
14:50 much, because if you say I'm going to do with my
14:54 anger, if I'm going to deal with my envy,
14:55 and going to do with my weight, or I'm going to deal with this,
14:57 then He's like oh, look at that!
14:59 they're trying to clean up their own room
15:00 I'm with that.
15:01 Oh that's great, Oh praise the Lord.
15:03 Oh how sweet!
15:04 but if you intentionally get in a rebellious kind
15:07 of position, where you know what,
15:08 I'm going to be this way, and this is the way am!
15:10 God is going to spank you.
15:12 He's going to discipline because He disciplines
15:15 those He loves.
15:16 Here's what I learnt about spanking,
15:17 is when you move away from God in an area where
15:19 your life increases the arc of His hit.
15:21 OH, Ouch!
15:23 Because if you are in the back seat of the car,
15:25 you always want to be behind your dad,
15:26 because he can't get to you.
15:27 But if you are like where he can whack you,
15:29 So when you move away from the area in your life and
15:33 the Holy Spirit convicts you
15:34 then you are moving away from His kindness,
15:37 His correction, then the arc of His hand increases.
15:39 When He whacks you it will be so hard,
15:41 it will get rid of the behavior,
15:42 but it will cost you much more than if you were
15:44 proactively doing it through confessing your
15:46 faults and having relationships and doing
15:48 what He wants us to do.
15:49 And I just want to say to those that have a hard
15:51 time with this because their parents were abusive
15:54 physically, is that God disciplines us in love.
15:57 He says I want you to sense this freedom.
15:59 I'm going to open up the floor for questions,
16:02 just because I know that people
16:03 have questions of you.
16:04 Some going to open up how about,
16:08 can we start with you Mark?
16:09 So Dr. Weiss, men are stuck.
16:13 And men are busy.
16:14 So my question would be what do you think that it
16:18 is that men need to get a grip on and how can we do
16:21 this in this busy season of our lives?
16:23 Well Mark, I mean, you deal with men at lot
16:25 as a men's minister.
16:26 Oftentimes, they are trying to perform,
16:28 they are trying to prove something.
16:30 Know what I'm saying, that they are worth that they
16:33 are successful, they could wear the nice watch,
16:34 or they can drive a nice car or whatever.
16:36 So, sometimes they lose the value of really what
16:39 they have, you know, great wife, great kids,
16:42 who wants to see them.
16:43 You know what I am saying?
16:44 And so for you, if guys can get a accountable like
16:48 in twos and threes and fours,
16:50 and they can start working on whatever it is,
16:52 that is kind of pushing them.
16:53 They are going to do a lot better.
16:54 Like if they say, you know what I've got a stop work
16:55 work at 45 hours a week.
16:57 And they make themselves like we talked about power
16:58 up, and they get accountable to someone for
17:00 45 hours and more that they got to give the money away.
17:02 Then they'll start working forty five hours a week.
17:05 So just again, the power up is really good for men,
17:08 because we do better in teams.
17:09 You know that your sports guy,
17:11 we do better in teams we do as good
17:13 at home by our selves.
17:14 You know what I have to say,
17:15 which is really interesting.
17:16 We are in a society that we get more and more
17:19 isolated, we're in front of our computers, were on our
17:22 iPods or watching TV and so we get
17:23 more and more separated.
17:25 What your saying, you know kind of breakaway
17:28 from that and reconnect with each other.
17:30 Yeah, I'm not sure you know Jesus liked to walk
17:32 and He liked to walk in groups.
17:34 He always had guys around Him talking.
17:36 He didn't have iPods.
17:37 They laugh, joke, talked about their wives
17:39 and had a good time.
17:40 We missing that relationship component,
17:43 you know all communities are being
17:45 affected by this kind of technological de-socialization.
17:49 That's what happens with our kids.
17:51 Our kids are not allowed to watch video games or
17:53 read on the computer very long,
17:54 because it is like this de-socialization
17:56 that's happening.
17:57 I think that's what's happening to lot of not
17:58 just men, but ladies too.
18:00 Ladies are on the computer they would rather chat to
18:02 their sister instead of just calling her.
18:04 You know sometimes my kids are on her cell phone
18:06 She is texting someone sitting right next to her.
18:08 Why don't you just talk to her?
18:10 She's right there.
18:11 I know it's so much cooler I'm thinking,
18:14 We are losing a generation.
18:15 But you know, I think if you try to do recovery.
18:18 If you're trying to really look at your stuff and all
18:21 that is to connect with someone.
18:22 Absolutely, for guys, relationships are key.
18:24 You know, I see that, I see that in every
18:27 single church I go to.
18:28 We have another question, Larry had a question.
18:31 I've got several questions,
18:33 but I'm going to try to get this down into one.
18:35 You know you are talking about for one thing
18:38 I am a people person.
18:39 But what I've got personal problems,
18:40 I don't want to talk to people about it.
18:42 And I've got things in my life that I know I do
18:46 wrong and I'll say okay I know I'm doing this wrong.
18:48 I know I'm doing that wrong.
18:50 I'm doing as this way.
18:51 It's like I'm asking myself,
18:52 do I have a self-destruct thing going on here.
18:56 Why is it that I can see it, but I can't touch it?
18:59 Well I think we all have the self-destruct
19:01 thing called sin.
19:02 It's a really bad thing.
19:03 What you're described in like is for me,
19:06 when I was abused and so sometimes I would act out
19:09 of my pain so I didn't feel that.
19:11 So some time to heal that thing,
19:12 and there's actually an exercise in the book
19:14 called, Cleansing the Temple where you
19:15 Identify those people who hurt you, you deal with
19:17 those issues and forgive them,
19:18 but you get to the anger work first
19:20 So you can pop those wounds.
19:21 Sometimes, we are acting out of our wounded-ness,
19:24 and so if we heal that wounded area than we are
19:26 not going to act out that way.
19:27 So, that is one thing that can really, really help you.
19:29 Now the other thing you are stuck with is
19:31 over adoration of your personality.
19:33 Okay, which means you like yourself too much.
19:36 I don't think so.
19:38 Well in this way, because Scripture says confession
19:41 of one's faults to another, and you're like,
19:43 I not want to do that.
19:44 No, because I don't look at me.
19:45 No, you don't want to be obedient.
19:47 I don't want to be obedient?
19:49 Yeah, the Scripture says confession faults one to
19:51 another and you are like know
19:53 I do not want to do that.
19:54 I want to confess them to God,
19:56 I don't want to talk to people about them.
19:57 Yeah but you see your classic, your classic, Larry
20:00 I love you because you are being honest, okay?
20:02 Most of us do not want to do the hard work of
20:05 talking to another person about our faults or our
20:08 flaws our faults our pain.
20:11 We don't want to do the work.
20:12 And that's how many Christians,
20:13 and I'm not talking about you specifically,
20:15 most Christians are forgiving.
20:17 The blood has covered them but they are not healed,
20:19 because healing is in the body of Christ.
20:21 Not in the head of Christ.
20:22 Since resurrection He has transferred the healing power
20:25 to the body of Christ.
20:26 So if you want healing of your hurts and heart you have to
20:29 go to the body members to get it.
20:31 So, so many Western Christians Cheri,
20:34 missed that point.
20:36 So, that is a great question.
20:38 I thank you.
20:39 You know what really is interesting to me,
20:40 is that it really does go back as the Bible is clearer for
20:45 our obedience in the Bible is clear.
20:46 But we are afraid.
20:47 And a love when you say about the abuse because I
20:50 was sexually abused for so long, so when you say,
20:53 when I know that healing happens if I open myself
20:56 up to you, but I haven't opened myself to myself
20:58 because I'm afraid of dealing with that pain.
21:00 I'm kind of stuck in this vicious thing.
21:03 We project rejection, it's kind of like the guy who
21:06 put the talent in the ground,
21:08 they said to the king I thought
21:10 you were an angry man.
21:11 And you wanted to sow were you didn't reap.
21:14 Actually, he was projecting onto the king.
21:16 No people, you find loving people in the body of Christ,
21:20 some one talks to you Larry, about a problem
21:22 that they are having in their life, your not going to say
21:24 I didn't realize that you were so strange,
21:25 is that going to be your response?
21:27 I like to help people, I like to help people with their problems.
21:30 So why don't you let them have the same feeling?
21:32 Because they would enjoy helping you.
21:35 Yeah, right.
21:36 You see that's where we're stuck.
21:37 You see he's very symptomatic of not just men,
21:39 but the body of Christ.
21:41 That is the great interaction there.
21:43 But what's incredible is when you start healing
21:45 when you start doing and being obedient to how God
21:48 has unfolded our healing is that.
21:51 I didn't have a choice, cause I was in prayer and
21:54 God told me you tell your room mate every time that you
21:56 do this one behavior.
21:57 I was in seminary.
21:58 When I came back to Florida,
22:00 I made a deal with him one hundred percent of what
22:01 you tell me, no questions asked.
22:02 That is how I got some of the weird jobs I got.
22:04 and so but, I didn't have a choice,
22:07 I don't get this option thing.
22:08 Like I don't want to, I don't get that.
22:10 I tell my kids it doesn't matter if you want to or not
22:12 I'm your dad, do that.
22:13 Do you know what I'm saying?
22:15 I think sometimes Americans think they have an option.
22:18 And it robs us!
22:19 It robs me if I don't obey Him!
22:22 So Monique, I know that you had a question.
22:24 Yes, I came to work today here at the café, and I
22:29 did not expect to disclose something but I am about
22:33 to share something as we're talking about
22:34 disclosures is one of the keys to healing.
22:37 I have an issue that I've struggled with in
22:39 in various points of my life.
22:40 Growing up in New York, my dad use
22:43 to take us to school, elementary school, and
22:45 I was late almost everyday.
22:47 And now its has carried over into my adult life.
22:50 And it is always like five minutes is never usually
22:52 more than five minutes late,
22:54 but it's still five minutes and I'm still late.
22:57 And it's a chronic problem,
22:59 I think it is really rude and inconsiderate to be
23:01 even a minute late to an appointment
23:02 to work or whatever.
23:03 My dad one time told me that it doesn't matter if
23:07 you're a few minutes late as two long as you are
23:09 not trying to catch a plane.
23:10 Because that is the only time that lateness really matters.
23:12 He said that to me when I was little,
23:13 and I think now as an adult is in the back of my
23:16 mind, it is still there.
23:17 How can I overcome this chronically lateness issue?
23:20 I think in the past I have excused it,
23:22 saying that maybe that it was the train,
23:24 all the delays on the subways in New York,
23:27 but I can't make an excuse to have to face it.
23:29 You are fighting against a consistent role model that
23:32 you have developed with, you have kind
23:34 of grew up along side of.
23:35 But your insights right, you have to
23:36 take personal responsibility.
23:37 Like my daughter Hadassah, she has a similar problem.
23:41 She never, we're never late, but she likes to be.
23:43 So we set it up in school that she is not in the car
23:48 by 7:00 o'clock then at 7:01 she has a consequence.
23:50 Okay, so you can either set up a consequence or a reward.
23:53 So you can say if I'm late even one minute late.
23:56 I'm going to do twenty five push-ups,
23:57 as soon as I get in my office.
23:59 You'll stop within, probably one month.
24:01 See, because right now there is no consequence
24:04 that stops you from this even though the
24:05 Spirit is telling you it's kind of rude.
24:07 You are not valuing them as equals.
24:09 You know what I'm saying, and you get convicted,
24:11 but now set that up and set some
24:13 accountability with somebody.
24:14 Just picks any good friend and say listen,
24:15 I'm going to kill this thing.
24:16 But you know what, say what does your daughter do
24:19 because I think that worked for me
24:21 and I know what she has to do.
24:22 What we do with her is that I hand her write a
24:26 statement that says, to be early is to be on time,
24:29 to be off time is to be late, to be late is to be rude.
24:31 Okay, and she has to write that twenty five times.
24:33 If she is late, so first thing she gets in the car
24:35 she has to write.
24:36 She doesn't like to write because that is a time to
24:38 text, her friends, to kind of have her own time.
24:40 So she doesn't want that consequence to happen so
24:44 now she is in the car and she is on time.
24:45 You know what I love about what she wrote,
24:47 is for me that I need to put that in my head is to
24:50 be late is to really be rude.
24:52 And I need to somehow reprogram myself with that
24:56 statement instead of looking at it as it is no big deal.
24:59 And whatever as it really is a big deal.
25:01 Well for some people, especially
25:03 if they are northeast coast, it is very rude.
25:04 I grew up in a culture of rudeness was looked at is
25:06 almost as you cursed at them.
25:08 In you weren't ten minutes early, you weren't on time.
25:12 But that can be a value thing, you can say Lord,
25:16 I want to treat my boss and other employees as if they
25:18 are valuable to me so I want to get there
25:20 first to serve them.
25:21 So I will be there five minutes early in case somebody
25:22 needs to be served, some kind of service or ministry thing
25:24 before I start my day.
25:26 How cool is that.
25:27 So see if set yourself up, see you have a natural
25:32 father, that didn't help you,
25:33 but you have a heavenly Father, Whose never late.
25:35 See what I'm saying!
25:38 Thanks, alright!
25:39 You look like you had a little more going on there.
25:41 I do and want to take this thing a different direction,
25:43 but I have some friends, being single,
25:45 and we always talk about relationships, and what
25:48 we are looking for.
25:49 So many single women seem to choose the same type of
25:52 guy, whether they are emotionally unavailable
25:54 commitment phobic, whatever the issue are.
25:57 They find themselves in a cycle where they are
25:58 choosing people don't really have qualities that
26:02 they are looking for a future spouse.
26:03 Using some of the same tools that you were talking
26:06 about being accountable, how do you remedy that?
26:10 The people who are constantly in
26:12 involved in destructive relationships.
26:14 Now, this book they're probably there might be some
26:17 core family of origin or abuse or neglect issues so now
26:19 they are self abandoning themselves so they can break
26:21 with it and get a grip.
26:22 I saw something called successfully single.
26:24 It which a single person makes himself accountable
26:27 to a couple through the whole process.
26:29 So someone comes up to you at a coffee shop and says
26:31 Monique I think I'd like to get to know you
26:34 you say well here's Bob and Carol's phone number you
26:36 can call them and if they like you.
26:38 Then I'll be able to go on a date with you.
26:40 And they set up an authority over them that
26:43 lets them see things differently because you
26:44 know, you're cute and your young and
26:45 you might be emotional.
26:47 But if you got a couple over you and the guys like Hey!
26:49 So, what do you do for a living?
26:51 How long have you been doing that? So guys will
26:53 you know so you got a spiritual father over you.
26:55 That says Heh, I want to ask this guys some real questions.
26:57 Then start the process said it will save you a
27:00 lot of wear and tear.
27:01 And then you're going be accountable every two
27:02 to four weeks on what you are doing physically with
27:05 each other is sometimes what you see Monique, is
27:06 what your friends aren't telling you.
27:08 It might be physically inappropriate together
27:11 They're actually gluing to that person and now they
27:13 have a physical bond to that person that keeps them in
27:16 that relationship that is no longer helpful to them.
27:18 So Yeah being a team is much better than going up there
27:23 by yourself as a single person.
27:24 I love that idea.
27:26 Oh It's free,
27:27 That's freeing, could you I just try to picture the guy
27:30 saying I've got some friends that really
27:32 want to talk to you first.
27:33 If they like you then we'll go out.
27:35 I can just see the guys face, like what.
27:37 What happens is see here's the thing, if a man
27:39 can't submit to authority in dating,
27:41 he's going to be a tyrant as a man.
27:43 Oh shut up, That is great.
27:45 See what I am saying?
27:46 So if he can submit to authority during dating,
27:48 You are going to be able to be led the
27:51 rest of your life, through him.
27:52 See what I am saying? so the dating process in
27:55 successfully single sets you up to measure how he
27:58 can walk through a process.
27:59 And you get to see it so that when you are in the
28:01 car by yourself at ten thirty at night.
28:02 And like hey, hey, hey Heh, like listen, we're going to talk
28:04 Bob and Carol so if you start doing that.
28:06 You need to know that I'm going to tell them.
28:08 So now you see, you have a different level of value,
28:13 because men don't mind working for a women who think
28:15 she's valuable.
28:16 Wow, Thank you so much.
28:18 Thank you for asking that, that will help a lot of people.
28:21 That's incredible, any more questions?
28:22 Nyse do have a question.
28:24 Yes matter fact, I do.
28:25 So check this out, we got everything and we see the whole
28:29 picture of how it all works and stuff like that.
28:31 I have a little quick question,
28:33 One of the parts is self honesty.
28:36 So I'm going to be self honest,
28:39 I'm going to start jotting all these things down the
28:41 things that need to be honest with now.
28:42 Why don't you just pick one at a time.
28:44 That's the question is not going to be only one thing
28:47 that we need to deal with.
28:49 So even be personalized, where no were dealing with
28:52 different addictions.
28:53 My mom she was on every drug, on the market,
28:55 She was with almost every other man, you know what I mean.
28:57 So some of these things kind of passed down.
29:00 So I kind of seen myself getting to these situations years ago.
29:03 And I'm like, how am I going to deal with this.
29:05 One thing I found out, I did the self honestly thing
29:08 I started jotting it down what would you recommend?
29:11 I, in the work that we do, people have so many situations.
29:14 We mainly work with them on their diets, but come to find
29:16 out they have a diet issue because you know there's
29:19 a personal issue behind that and then
29:21 there's a family issue, then abuse issue my goodness.
29:23 So in dealing with that, after listing down, is it a good thing
29:28 to start with something that is easy, like me personally,
29:31 I started my diet.
29:33 But that is pretty much okay to do that,
29:35 and once I got victory over this and start controlling
29:38 it as that man is giving me a little help so that big
29:42 Goliath that I'm dealing with he's not that bad after all
29:45 Is that something that you would recommend, is there
29:48 level of severity or degree of these all the
29:52 things I'm dealing with the start of little
29:53 one or start a hard one.
29:54 You can start either way.
29:56 Your intuition is right and it's great
29:58 question because we haven't addressed that yet.
29:59 And that is you only take one at a time.
30:01 And we use the Blitz Greed method, use all of your
30:04 energy on one front.
30:05 Don't try to take it all one time.
30:07 And what is interesting the other thing that you
30:09 mentioned, you know before David took on Goliath.
30:11 There was the lion and the bear.
30:14 You know what I'm saying, he had steps before he got there.
30:16 So when he saw the giant he said well, I saw this before.
30:18 I can do this, you know I'm saying nothing new.
30:21 Just a different face on the same problem.
30:23 So some times you want to start with the one behavior so
30:26 it diet or something like that but then do the healing
30:30 work, underneath that there's been abandonment
30:32 or abuse and neglect.
30:33 Clean that stuff out why you're working on that behavior.
30:35 That that you can do.
30:36 But just stick on one behavior.
30:37 So each step has to be taking care of in its
30:40 entirety in no kill it or don't know if I can say that.
30:44 Get rid of it altogether, because I found the thing I
30:48 that personally me, held me back is.
30:50 I try to be a jack of all, and nibble at this and take
30:53 and I said I thought I took care of this.
30:55 And it's creeping back up, so that's what.
30:58 You deal with one 30, 60, or 90 days.
31:00 And by then you are usually victorious.
31:02 Then you pick up the next one in you
31:04 start measuring that one.
31:05 Hear I'm saying, that's the way you are successful.
31:07 So you want to aim all your energy,
31:09 spiritually praying for that thing emotionally
31:12 and then intellectually.
31:14 Start reading in disciplining yourself to do that
31:16 stuff and you start getting momentum
31:19 against the problem, they you're done with that one
31:22 And then of course something else will come round.
31:25 Well, I don't know to do that.
31:26 I'm saying that book was a
31:29 like um fire, aim.
31:32 Instead of aim, fire, that kind of thing.
31:34 You have to aim at what you want to fire at.
31:36 Stay focused, right there, if you'll stay right there,
31:39 you will get success.
31:40 Which is great.
31:42 So we can actually get a grip on this thing now.
31:45 And you feel good about it.
31:46 You feel good about yourself,
31:47 because not only what get a grip does, not only gives
31:50 you a set of skills,
31:51 but then those skills can be applied in anything.
31:53 You know what I'm saying.
31:55 If you want to better at a certain thing may be a
31:57 tennis game me one better bowling or what ever you
31:59 can start aiming those same skills that I've got
32:02 a discipline myself.
32:03 I got be accountable to the practice and what I
32:04 have got to do and boom, you can be successful.
32:06 And the skills work for both sides getting rid of
32:09 something and been successful in something.
32:10 I love the way that even the transition into it.
32:14 First it made me look like you are dealing with a lot
32:16 of junk anger or molest all that kind of stuff.
32:18 Whatever the issues are and as you get healthier.
32:20 It really is skills that learn for healthier things
32:23 Sure, like saying, you could get as you grow
32:25 spiritually is I'm not dealing with you on drinking alcohol.
32:29 I haven't had trouble with that 25 or 30 years,
32:30 but I could be dealing with impatience.
32:33 Or can we deal with going 60 mph in a 55.
32:36 Do you know what I'm saying.
32:38 Somebody out there is like that a problem.
32:41 So, but they're not there yet.
32:42 And God is really gracious about all that,
32:45 like He sometimes.
32:46 Most times He'll thumb you on one thing at a time
32:49 really hard,
32:50 It's like ok son, please deal with this because
32:51 I don't want to take you out on that mountain
32:53 again I went to take you somewhere else.
32:55 You keep doing this so I want to go here.
32:59 Please deal with this because I have a blessing.
33:01 I want to pour into you, and that's it My way,
33:04 because your hands are full I need you to empty them
33:07 so I could put some different in them.
33:08 I love what Nyse brought up because he is our, he
33:13 really is a health expert it is what his
33:16 ministry is and he talks about health and taking
33:19 care of yourself physically,
33:20 and I want to just ask your opinion on that,
33:22 because I somebody come out a
33:23 horrendous addictions and they will be setting in a
33:27 twelve step group with a cigarette and caffeine and just
33:30 so you think how can they get to their frontal lobes.
33:34 How do you get to think and what do you think as
33:36 far as tying into that whole physical healing.
33:39 As far as recovery, I think it is perfect and
33:42 for many of us my journey started with
33:44 spiritually healing first, I needed that encounter.
33:47 And that it moved into my soul and my body.
33:50 Absolutely.
33:51 And I think you have to maintain a healthy a body if
33:54 you're going to be emotionally healthy.
33:55 You can't be emotionally healthy and you got a pile
33:59 of lasagna, your pile of ice cream, a chocolate cake and
34:02 your remote control and your caffeine and that's your evening
34:06 You're going to be sick.
34:08 You're not exactly going to be the life of the party.
34:14 As much as we think we can do that.
34:15 I can do all that and still stay thinking
34:18 clearly very but in the room is like hello.
34:20 I know how actually feel when I get too many fats I
34:23 get clogged in my brain.
34:24 If you are really preparing your brain for
34:27 activity, like before I speak, I don't eat a lot of beef
34:31 I won't eat sugar.
34:32 I was off of sugar for like ten years.
34:34 At one point that I still find if I have sugar before I'm
34:37 going to be up somewhere, it can crash me.
34:40 So I had to be responsible with that, with my body type.
34:42 And all this need to be responsible for what God
34:44 has designed us with.
34:45 Good! Good!
34:46 Yeah, I was just looking their real quick in the
34:49 book and I noticed one of the chapters was on
34:50 cleansing in the temple.
34:52 And so it knocked on both items to cleanse its
34:54 spiritually and then work things out and then He's holding
34:58 us accountable for taking care of that temple physically.
35:01 It definitely plays, this is awesome.
35:04 Yeah, and cleansing temple is not only a physical
35:06 thing, because trauma affects you spirit, soul and body
35:08 And what cleansing that temple does, it allows you to
35:12 identify people who have hurt you, you write an anger letter,
35:14 do the anger work, and that thing pops out 3 dimensionally
35:17 and then not only are you heeling spiritually,
35:19 you are healing spirit, body, and soul all at one time.
35:21 And it is a beautiful thing I have seen people
35:22 with tremendous trauma do this process.
35:24 We have been doing that for almost 20 years.
35:26 And you're not talking about sending the letter,
35:28 you're saying just write it down on paper,
35:29 saying it out loud.
35:30 And hitting and yelling and screaming, yelling it out
35:33 of your body, because your body was there during the trauma.
35:34 and so your body has be part of releasing that.
35:36 See Jesus could have cleansed the temple by saying be gone.
35:40 He did it, He engaged His body physically and
35:44 verbally, and He kicked things around.
35:46 He was the carpenter before power tools.
35:48 If He hit you, it was going to hurt.
35:50 So everyone got out of there so He was showing us
35:54 how to cleanse our temple, because,
35:55 as Paul says you are that temple.
35:56 Some of our traumas affects the spirit, soul and body.
36:00 That is why a lot of people who overeat are
36:02 survivors of abuse of some kind, spiritual, emotional
36:07 or sexual abuse.
36:08 And most people don't even think of that is eating
36:12 disorder, that I'm trying to fill this void up and
36:14 you can't eat enough.
36:16 You can't eat enough and any kind of medication in
36:18 working, even over studying and know there's a
36:21 terminal student you know who's thinking 4 degrees.
36:25 It's like, well did you think about getting a job?
36:27 It's another way of avoiding type of thing.
36:30 So, I know there's more questions.
36:34 I just want to say in this whole process as you work
36:38 with people because I know you work with
36:39 people all over the world.
36:40 We have counseling centers and they talk on the telephone.
36:42 Is that it must just bring joy to your life to see
36:46 people just let go of things.
36:48 Oh absolutely, some people say Doug,
36:50 how can you do what you do?
36:51 Telephone counseling, we give 3 day intense with
36:54 couples and all this stuff and knock it down like,
36:57 how do you get down.
36:58 I feel like I'm the warden with the keys.
36:59 I'm just let people outdoors all day long so
37:02 how hard it is that?
37:03 They come out happier and their marriages are better.
37:05 When their marriages are better than their family
37:07 and kids life are better and in the kids have less
37:10 stuff, it's a wonderful thing.
37:11 We seen pastors restored.
37:12 Its beautiful so all of us,
37:14 and it's not just like,
37:16 people go to professionals talk in one-on-one,
37:18 but we're are all ministers of Jesus Christ.
37:20 And as we heal in an area He will release healing
37:23 through us, in that area, to other people.
37:25 So you have to asked yourself the question,
37:26 How much you do want to limit the healing of God in your life?
37:29 How much do want to let that other person stay in chains?
37:32 Because you get to be quiet and comfortable.
37:34 See, I don't get to be comfortable,
37:36 I've talked about my abandonment abuses and
37:38 neglect, I've talked about it for twenty years.
37:40 But in releasing that people have been set free.
37:44 You know you were kind of a talking off before the
37:47 show you went to a place and shared something and
37:49 an eighty three year old woman came up to you and
37:51 had permission to be authentic.
37:53 This is the season of the Spirit of God for authenticity.
37:58 So we aren't permitted maybe the generation
38:01 before were able to keep their secrets and keep
38:03 their skeletons and have funny hair.
38:05 But we're passed that point.
38:07 We're past that point, the Spirit of God is
38:09 authentically coming because He wants to
38:11 restore us to His heart.
38:13 And His heart is I absolutely love you,
38:15 Yes your flawed, that's not the point.
38:17 I love you, let Me come into that spot.
38:20 And I want to heal you.
38:21 Oh yes, totally.
38:22 Isaiah 57:18 where it talks about and know all
38:25 your junk and I want to heal you anyway.
38:26 And I love that, because we are in a place that
38:30 people so desperately want to get well.
38:31 We have people that call and e-mail on the show
38:35 and I am sure that we are going to get
38:36 tons from just this show.
38:38 It's just saying thank you for saying that out loud.
38:40 Thank you for saying it.
38:41 So I think what you are saying is that if you hold
38:44 your stuff and nobody has permission
38:46 to heal it around you.
38:47 It clogs up the whole body is kind of like you close
38:50 an artery of healing.
38:52 You see your wounds are places of entry point
38:54 where God's Spirit can flow
38:55 through to other people.
38:56 And you see we have the wrong
38:58 perspective of roundedness,
38:59 as if we've got protect it NO, let it out there.
39:02 You know, Paul said in my weaknesses,
39:04 He's made strong.
39:05 You want to a strong ministry on planet Earth,
39:07 it's at your weakest point.
39:09 That's huge!
39:11 My abuse, my abandonment my addictions,
39:14 weakest points that God has used to set men free,
39:18 women free, couples healed.
39:19 I love this stuff, some of us want to say no use my
39:22 smartness, listen I barely graduated out of high
39:24 school, but I got four degrees.
39:25 God is good, and it is His heart that all of us want
39:31 are to be a part of healing on this earth.
39:32 And what to do it on the show, what you are doing and
39:35 are a part of, you're letting this healing flow through you.
39:37 Yes, you are homeless, You were all this stuff and
39:40 women go, Oh my gosh you look so together,
39:42 how can you been so messed up.
39:43 And so there is hope for you.
39:45 There's hope for me.
39:46 And God is good.
39:47 He's very good.
39:49 And you know, we're going to ask,
39:50 I know there's more questions.
39:52 But I just want to say before going to turn over
39:54 to a question, is that I am surprised that God
39:57 saying that every time you give Me something,
39:59 every single time you get ride of something,
40:01 I will show you who I created you to be,
40:03 I will show you what is underneath all that.
40:05 And sometimes I stand, and I'm shocked.
40:08 I think that God that is good,
40:10 and He's like I know.
40:11 How fun is that!
40:12 So Mark, I know that you had something else that
40:16 you are wanting to ask him.
40:17 Yes, so my question kind of goes back we talked about.
40:20 Men are busy, people are busy.
40:22 You mentioned texting an all those things,
40:24 and we find ourselves in a season where people are
40:27 just being overwhelmed with things.
40:29 You had mentioned before in a response to a question working
40:33 on one thing at a time.
40:34 What advice, or how would you speak into somebody's
40:38 life who just had a bunch of things that are
40:40 overwhelming them and they can't get through the one
40:43 issue, because they have got so many other things
40:45 that are pulling at them and drawing at them.
40:48 Issues with family, issues with relationships, issues
40:51 with jobs and things like that.
40:52 How would you speak into that even
40:54 using that same process.
40:55 Your talking about how you eat an elephant.
40:57 One bite at a time.
41:01 And you really can't, sometimes people come to my office and
41:05 they've got all these issues, financial, relationships, kids,
41:07 they are a mess.
41:08 But there's addictions going on,
41:11 let's deal with this one right now and learn to be
41:15 successful, and then you can be successful in the other.
41:17 You didn't get in this problem,
41:19 these men, women, couples, they don't get in
41:21 this problem, Mark, in three days.
41:23 It's taken 20 years for some of them to create
41:25 the mess they're in.
41:26 And you can even say, you can even ask someone what
41:28 is the crisis that you had yesterday and kind of
41:32 narrow it down to almost a pattern,
41:33 almost immediately as far your life.
41:36 Crises, what's on your mind, what really hit you.
41:40 But often times, Mark is saying, these things people have a
41:42 pattern of a lifestyle and you can only address
41:44 one pattern at a time.
41:45 Like Monique was talking about being late, well Ok address that
41:48 Maybe the guy is cursing at his wife okay, address that.
41:51 Let's deal with it one at a time, because you
41:53 you are already spread out for me to say okay, we're
41:57 going to spread out with your problems isn't going to work.
41:59 I need to be focused anyway,
42:01 Do you know I'm saying?
42:03 Because if your focused, then you can start being successful.
42:06 You know Jesus was a very focused man,
42:08 and that is why He was successful.
42:10 He knew why He was here.
42:11 What He was to get done.
42:12 And He was about getting it done.
42:14 So if we only focus on the one problem we are going to be
42:16 much more successful than like if
42:18 we try to figure it all out at one time.
42:19 I'm glad Jesus didn't ask me to do more than I could.
42:22 With me He like dealt with me in layers.
42:25 There was times in Bible school,
42:29 where I could drink all the coffee I wanted, I literally
42:32 had bags of peanut M. and Mr. 's in my backpack at all times.
42:35 And then there were days when He said He I want you
42:37 I want you to give up caffeine and sugar.
42:39 Ouch!
42:40 I can point to the spot where I was from that point
42:43 for ten years I was off.
42:44 I haven't had caffeine, soft caffeine for almost 20 years.
42:47 But you see it was layers,
42:50 because I was using it to medicate.
42:51 It's fine for other people,
42:53 but it wasn't fine for me.
42:54 I can see how their accountability would,
42:55 help with getting rid of those things at a time
42:58 because some people don't know how to get rid of
43:01 things, they don't know how to address those things.
43:04 Some people don't know how to play football.
43:05 Yes, to get out there, give them the basics and do it.
43:06 Skills for life is what we're talking about.
43:10 There are skills that come with solving problems.
43:13 That's incredible to me every thing is bettering
43:18 yourself for learning.
43:19 It's not just these you are working on the process
43:22 of working on it improves you.
43:24 JoAnie we haven't gotten to your question yet.
43:27 Go ahead yeah, I have a question.
43:29 I do Myofascial release and I'm a massage therapist and
43:33 I can literally feel my client's body change.
43:39 They can tighten up they can not be talking at all.
43:40 I'll be working on them and suddenly
43:42 they'll just get real tight.
43:44 I'll say, what are you thinking.
43:45 Sometimes they know sometimes they don't I
43:48 don't know what I can tell them to help them be able
43:52 to walk out of my office softer than
43:56 when they came in.
43:57 I don't want them to leave the same way they came in.
43:58 Well, that is a great question because
44:01 in your profession.
44:03 We are triune, you know, just like the
44:06 Father-Son-Holy Spirit we are triune so when our soul
44:10 gets impacted and often times,
44:11 the body will hold it especially if it's been physical abuse.
44:13 Especially if it's been sexual abuse, you know I did
44:16 some training with inpatient facility and there was
44:19 a massage therapist there where she would work on
44:22 these ladies, and she would hit spots in their
44:24 bodies were they were hurt.
44:26 With the shoulders being pinned down,
44:28 or legs being held and the client would actually cry.
44:32 And actually release and you might have had
44:34 instances where you are touching somebody.
44:35 And they're actually crying,
44:36 and which are doing you are triggering her from
44:38 the body and your seeing that trauma actualize.
44:41 It's probably uncomfortable they start crying in your
44:45 office because you want them to feel good,
44:46 but it does help them to say hey.
44:48 Something happened here, you might want to go see
44:50 somebody because your body is holding something
44:53 here and find out what it is holding.
44:55 It that might help you and it helps you help them.
44:58 It's amazing what the body tells you,
45:00 you know that as your pulling,
45:02 pushing it's like wow what's going on with this.
45:04 Holds your pain here, you hold it there.
45:07 And we do hold stuff in our body.
45:09 That's where were talking about cleansing the temple.
45:11 Doing an anger work it's like a flush for emotional pain.
45:16 You know, we do these cleansings for body where
45:19 we try to detoxify.
45:20 Well to get a grip does is it detoxifies the soul part.
45:23 So the body doesn't hold it anymore.
45:25 And I can to you a story, this guy was a big old Texan.
45:29 He had a mom that was abusive to him emotionally
45:34 abusive, and he had all this rage
45:35 inside of him against her.
45:37 Now he is a Christian man.
45:38 But her time he goes home for Thanksgiving,
45:41 he balls up and becomes as real angry ball.
45:43 His whole family doesn't want to go there anymore.
45:45 So I did the cleansing temple he was probably in
45:47 there for 30 or 40 minutes.
45:48 He's yelling, he's hitting,
45:49 he's letting it out and then he did the
45:52 forgiveness exercise.
45:54 This was around Octoberish,
45:56 and he actually went home for Thanksgiving that year
45:58 and he came back and he realized on the way home
46:00 That he wasn't balled up anymore, that he wasn't in pain
46:05 when he was in the presence of his mom.
46:06 Because he was able to, JoAnie was able to release that
46:10 physically, he was able to release it emotionally as well.
46:11 It was really good for him.
46:13 It was like it cleansed him of that.
46:16 Exactly, so he doesn't have to go there ever again.
46:18 I mean he really doesn't.
46:19 He doesn't ball up in her presence.
46:20 There are people that I've seen come up and they want
46:25 healing, a prayer for healing,
46:27 I'm over weight and I want somehow get an control on that.
46:32 The Holy Spirit will say out loud to me they have
46:35 been sexually abused and if they get thinner they
46:37 get afraid, and they get close to that weight.
46:40 So talk about that for a little bit about that
46:42 how one thing is kind of tied to another sometimes.
46:44 Sometimes you have a trauma bond in the situation you
46:46 are in so like you are talking about the weight.
46:48 If a person gets down to the weight where they were
46:49 perpetrated, sometimes they will run from that weight.
46:53 They will panic.
46:54 They will run from the weight because they think
46:55 if I look good then people will hurt me.
46:57 Because you come up with irrational beliefs
46:58 to try to explain your trauma.
46:59 The only reason for trauma is total insanity.
47:01 There is no way that the victim can be responsible
47:04 for trauma, whether it is shooting,
47:05 beating or raping or sexual it doesn't matter.
47:07 But you try to come up with something
47:10 like if I am skinny I'll be hurt.
47:12 So let's eat again.
47:13 Some times I do prayer ministry in my church as well.
47:17 I'll stand up there, sometimes it's kind of
47:19 funny, really want prayer for blah blah blah and I
47:21 say okay I don't mind praying for you because God wants you
47:23 to pray for you, let me ask you, who are you going to
47:25 be accountable for the next 30 days?
47:26 Just shut up, do you tell them that.
47:28 Who are you going to be accountable to because
47:30 Scripture says you have to confess your faults
47:31 one to another so you are confessing to
47:33 me, but to stay healing you have to confess it for the next
47:35 30 days, who are you going to do that with,
47:36 then I will pray for you, give me their name
47:37 cause I know you will probably do it.
47:39 Then God can answer prayers because we are in the flow
47:42 of what He already said to do.
47:44 To stay in a state of healing,
47:46 you have to stay in a state of confession.
47:47 What's really powerful, let's talk about this.
47:49 When we confess our faults one to another,
47:51 not only can we be healed, but the prayers of a
47:53 righteous person availeth much.
47:55 When we stay in a state of humility,
47:58 confessing our faults, our prayers are heard and are
48:02 powerful on earth.
48:03 If we produce a fake lifestyle,
48:05 protect our pain, and are unauthentic in our
48:08 relationships our prayers are ineffective.
48:10 But we feel it too.
48:14 Our heart feels it.
48:15 It's like I feel my prayers go to the ceiling
48:17 and stop and you want to say you know what God
48:19 never intended that.
48:21 So then you have to say what sin are you not confessing.
48:23 What did you do that you haven't told anybody.
48:25 They look at me like how do you know?
48:27 It's simple, if your prayers are ineffective it
48:30 is because you have unconfessed sin.
48:31 But let me just say, you said.
48:34 Mark is over there nodding his head yeah I get this.
48:35 You said earlier which shocked me and I can't
48:39 wait until after the show, I can sit with this for awhile.
48:41 You said the sin of not confessing to one another
48:44 because the Bible commands that and so it's like
48:46 when we think of sin we think of
48:48 gambling or eating or sexual relationships or
48:52 whatever, but you are saying in the sin of not
48:54 being obedient to God in our healing and so
48:57 sometimes the sin may not be as obvious to you.
48:59 Since we have kind of broken away from the
49:03 Catholic theology, and really focused on
49:05 confession we throw the baby out with the bathwater.
49:07 Now evangelicals, we don't confess.
49:09 And so we are not effective either.
49:10 So sometimes what we are dealing with in our life
49:14 is an effectiveness of disobedience of confession.
49:17 We're going where out of time and I love having you
49:22 on the show and were going to have you on another
49:23 show up couple the season, which I am thrilled.
49:25 Thanks for joining us.
49:27 Thank you, and want to say if you've heard anything
49:31 and remember I said get a pen and write something down.
49:33 I pray that you did and if you haven't written it
49:35 down, go to the website and definitely get the book.
49:38 It's huge, Get a Grip, start healing, start paying
49:42 attention to what is controlling you, what is
49:45 really messing you up.
49:47 We're going to go ahead and take a break,
49:48 will be right back.
49:49 Stay with us, and I'm so glad that I had Doug on show
49:53 so you could hear all this stuff.


Revised 2014-12-17