Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Angelia Waite
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000126A
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00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior. 00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material 00:06 may be too candid for younger children. 00:10 Welcome to Celebrating Life in Recovery, 00:11 I'm Cheri, and these friends of mine are so full of joy, 00:14 it's unbelievable. 00:16 But it wasn't always like that, 00:17 there were a time in their life they couldn't even breathe. 00:20 Come join us in the cafe, 00:21 you are not going to want to miss the story. 00:23 It is absolutely amazing and God is so present. 00:54 I am so proud of God. 00:55 Our whole season is talking about grace 00:57 and being loved and being taken care 01:00 of not in only our good times, 01:03 but when it's the worst time is God still present. 01:06 So this season we're going over our workbook 01:08 is Victory in Jesus. 01:10 The book is primarily focused on, 01:14 are we enough for God? 01:16 And I'm thinking, when I first came to God, 01:18 I wanted to be everything, 01:20 I wanted to do all the right things, 01:22 and I want to be this powerful woman of God 01:26 that just is joyful all the time, 01:28 and then I get hit with something, 01:30 and I'm thinking, okay, there goes that. 01:31 And now does God love me? Am I by myself? Am I alone? 01:36 And then when I learned it's no and I got to say, 01:40 Angelia, for one welcome to the program. 01:42 Thank you. 01:43 I adore you, but when I say 01:46 that in the midst of getting hit, 01:48 I would go back and forth, am I alone now? 01:50 Do you love me now? Am I doing the right thing now? 01:53 And I know that in your life, you have felt that way 01:55 but so I want to ask you I... 01:58 You know, usually I start the show with a teaching. 02:00 But I just don't want to take any time away 02:02 from what you're going to say to us, 02:03 and I want to know who you are, why you're in this seat, 02:07 and what do you think of God and grace? 02:10 Those are great questions. My name is Angelia Waite. 02:13 I have three sons. 02:15 My oldest son 28 years old, 02:18 a middle son he is 23 years old, 02:21 and then our youngest son Ramsey 02:23 drowned in our backyard pool. 02:25 We are serving the Lord, 02:27 loving Jesus with every ounce of our being, 02:30 and on a Friday afternoon, 02:33 I found myself standing on the poolside, 02:37 the worst day of my life 02:39 and I am standing there thinking God, 02:42 how can this be happening to me 02:45 and my family, when we're doing it... 02:46 So you were saying that you know 02:49 we are a loving family, we're doing it right. 02:51 We were in church. I love you. Yes. 02:54 And I'm standing there at the bottom of the pool 02:56 looking at my... 02:57 How old was he? Three and a half years old. 02:59 Three and a half. 03:00 I can't even hear it still and I've heard you before, 03:03 and I know this and I can't hear it 03:06 still without just wanting to weep. 03:10 I can't imagine what it was like to stand in there. 03:12 Yes, you know, 03:14 I found walking through that afternoon 03:18 that we were on the mountaintop, something, 03:22 a miracle had just happened in our family 03:25 and within two hours, our youngest son was drowned. 03:29 You know, in Hebrew a blink of an eye 03:31 means a half blink. 03:33 Well, within a blink of an eye, half blink, 03:37 everything in my world changed. 03:39 I went from being mommy to mom against my will, 03:44 against my will. 03:45 You know, my children were 12 and 8 and three and a half. 03:50 Well, the older two didn't need me 03:52 the same way that Ramsey did 03:54 and so just like that, everything shifted, 03:58 no more, you know, no more bomb pops, 04:00 no more pull ups, 04:02 no more me cutting his nail, nothing. 04:04 It was gone. 04:05 And so I'm thinking, I'm thinking I have years 04:08 and years left to be a mommy and just like that it shifted. 04:14 Everything changed. Everything changed. 04:16 You know when on that day, 04:18 I remember you talking about your other son was home. 04:22 Yes. 04:24 Our oldest son Benjamin, 12 years old, it was May 26th, 04:28 and they had just had an end of the year pizza party. 04:32 And he was in the bed with sea... 04:36 Sorry I said sea food poisoning, 04:37 we had food poisoning and just really, really sick, 04:40 and my middle son, I could hear the TV and I just, 04:46 I had just gotten popsicles out for the boys. 04:49 And I was going to run inside, 04:51 pick up a few things out of his room, 04:53 throw a load of laundry in, you know, three minutes. 04:56 And so while all this is taking place, 04:59 my middle son goes up the stairs 05:02 and I said, "Where is Ramsey?" 05:03 He said, "He's on the deck finishing his popsicle." 05:05 So I continued with what I was doing picking up, 05:08 straightening up the room and through the load of laundry 05:12 and Ramsey did not even like the water. 05:15 He never got in the pool with us. 05:17 So it wasn't a thought that you had it all... 05:19 Never, never, we would have family pool day 05:22 and he would sit on the outside 05:24 with a blow dryer on the deck to stay warm. 05:27 He would only get... 05:28 the boys would splash him and he would, 05:31 he was okay with that 05:33 but never just to get in the pool. 05:35 So it never crossed my mind. 05:37 So when I looked outside, I didn't see him. 05:40 I still didn't panic, Cheri, because it was not, 05:43 it was off my radar. 05:45 So I looked outside 05:47 and we have this fabulous backyard swing set 05:50 and all jungle jam and things to climb 05:53 and things to ride and balls, 05:55 and it was just perfect for children. 05:57 So I just assumed he was playing. 06:00 So I walked all the way around calling his name 06:02 nothing, I still didn't panic. 06:05 You know, there's just mom's know we just, 06:08 there's just something about it, 06:10 but I didn't panic, and I went inside, 06:13 called his name nothing, went upstairs, 06:17 I'm calling his name, nothing. 06:19 Well, now I am beginning to panic. 06:21 It's starting to, it's starting to hit... 06:23 Yes. This child I always hear him. 06:25 It's been too long. 06:26 We're at about the three minute mark, 06:28 that's too long. 06:30 And so I... 06:31 my first thought was that we had a picket fence 06:33 around the pool and the gate was closed 06:36 and so I saw that the gate was latched and I... 06:40 my only other option was to go into the breezeway, 06:45 breezeway connected through a detached garage. 06:48 You know there's something 06:50 about your meeting place with Jesus. 06:52 Well, that breezeway was mine. 06:55 Four in the morning, whatever time, 06:57 you could find me there. 06:59 If I'm not sleeping, 07:00 I'm meeting right there with Jesus, 07:02 candlelit, my Bible, a blanket, 07:04 heater in the winter time, it was my familiar place. 07:08 So I walked through the breezeway 07:10 and into the detached garage. 07:12 The garage has the play room upstairs 07:14 and I called his name, nothing. 07:17 Well, by now I'm getting a little angry, mommies, 07:20 you know, how we do, I got my mommy voice. 07:23 Right. You better answer me. 07:26 Well, he had never hidden from me. 07:29 So I just, it just didn't, 07:31 it wasn't a game that we played, 07:33 that wasn't allowed to be played and you don't hide. 07:36 So I said, "You better answer me Ramsey, I mean it." 07:40 Nothing, I go running up the stairs to the playroom, 07:43 he's not there. 07:45 And so I'm panicking, I am panicking. 07:48 Where is he? 07:49 My heart is beating out of my chest, 07:51 I can't breathe just like you described, 07:54 and I open the door and I walk on to the breezeway. 07:57 You know in the presence of God, 08:01 there is a peace regardless of what you are facing 08:05 and the minute my feet hit that concrete pad, Cheri, 08:09 we know the voice of the Lord. 08:11 We also know the voice of the enemy 08:14 and that voice is the opposite of the voice of God, 08:19 and this is what I heard, 08:23 "I'm going to take them both." 08:25 At that moment I'm thinking what does that mean. 08:29 The Lord said to me, "Go back to the pool." 08:31 So I knew the different voices, "Go back to the pool." 08:34 My first thought was God this can't be right. 08:37 This can't be right. This can't be happening. 08:39 It cannot be happening to me now, it ever. 08:42 Right. 08:44 The second time he said, "Go back to the pool." 08:47 Although it was everything I did not want to hear. 08:50 I knew it was God. 08:52 I knew I was about to walk into my worst fear. 08:56 I go up the stairs God, I remember, 08:58 please not the pool, please not the pool. 09:02 Is there a part of you, it's even a part of me 09:04 that says I don't want to go. 09:05 I don't want to move my feet in that direction. 09:08 Because you're starting to in your spirit 09:10 you're starting to know. 09:12 Yes, have you ever been in the grocery store 09:14 and your toddler be there and just for a moment 09:17 they walk away out of your sight. 09:20 And you, you know, that panic that you feel, 09:22 you just need to find them. 09:25 Well, I think that is what took over. 09:28 I had to lay my eyes on him. 09:30 It was not what I wanted to hear 09:32 but I had to find him. 09:34 So I'm walking, 09:35 I'm running up the steps at end of the house 09:38 and I'm running to the pool side. 09:40 This was not the first time I looked in, 09:42 and I looked in and he was not there 09:45 and I'm like, "Lord," He said, "Go to the edge." 09:49 Well, I couldn't see him from where I was on the deck. 09:53 So when I walked off the deck and on to the concrete pad. 09:57 There he was in the deep end. 09:59 I could not see him from the deck. 10:02 But I could see him from the concrete pad 10:04 which is where the Lord sent me. 10:07 You know, people have said to me, 10:08 I just don't believe that was the voice of the Lord. 10:11 If you've ever been a mommy 10:13 and you cannot find your children, 10:17 the Lord hears our cry and our panic. 10:22 And the calm that His voice brought to me 10:26 I immediately jumped in. 10:27 Yes, I immediately jumped in the pool 10:31 and, you know, I've been swimming my whole life, 10:34 but in the moment of panic. 10:36 I can't imagine even going down 10:37 and breathing, holding your breath. 10:39 I could not breathe because of the panic 10:42 and the anxiety and the... 10:43 just everything and it's happening so fast, 10:47 and I remember trying to breathe 10:49 and I went down into the water 10:50 and I can't even hold my breath. 10:52 I can't get to the bottom 10:54 and I've been swimming my whole life. 10:57 We live next door to a church, 10:59 and I remember screaming at the top of my lungs, 11:03 "God, you've got to send somebody to help me, help me." 11:07 And I'm yelling desperate, I'm yelling, 11:14 and I hear the sound pounding. 11:17 And my 12 year old son 11:19 is running across the deck projectile vomiting, 11:24 he is so sick, "Mommy what?" 11:27 I said, "Ramsey is in the bottom." 11:30 Immediately he jumped in, and he dove into the pool, 11:34 he is so sick. 11:36 And when he went in I heard the enemy again, 11:40 "Now, I'm going to take them both." 11:45 I can't, even in that moment 11:47 when you say that in that moment, 11:48 I can't imagine how I would, I just, 11:52 just take me because I can't do this, I can't do this. 11:55 I was right there. Yeah. 11:56 I was right there. Yes. And Satan is relentless. 11:59 To me when you said, I heard a enemy's voice, 12:01 he is relentless when he does that to us. 12:03 Yes, he is. And he knew exactly. 12:07 First of all I'm yelling for help 12:09 and I could not save my child. 12:11 So my second child comes in 12 years old, 12:15 he became 27 within three minutes. 12:18 You say, he's a little child. 12:21 And he's suddenly in the bottom of the pool. 12:23 And the enemy speaks, 12:25 "Now I'm going to take them both." 12:27 I'm here to tell you the rubber met the road 12:29 right there in my soul. 12:31 Because now two of my children are in the pool 12:35 and I can't do anything. 12:37 I remember falling to my knees on that concrete 12:40 and I said, "God, you have got to do something." 12:47 It wasn't, God I need... 12:50 No, you have got to do something 12:54 and at that moment 12:56 I'm on my knees crying out for help. 13:00 You have to and he comes out of that water. 13:03 It was like an explosion not gentle, it was violent. 13:07 Benjamin shoots out of that water 13:09 with Ramsey in his arms, I said "God," 13:14 I'm telling you he swam right over he's 12. 13:17 He's a child. Holding his brother. 13:20 Holding his brother completely limbless, 13:23 just leapt, just blew, just holding his little body 13:27 and he's getting, he's trying to get out of the pool, 13:29 I'm trying to help him out. 13:31 The whole time our eight year old, 13:34 if you have, 13:35 if you can remember your child being eight years old, 13:38 so innocent. 13:40 So innocent. 13:41 And there Chandler was ringing his hands, 13:45 ringing his hands all by himself. 13:48 There's no one there. 13:50 We're here and there's nobody there, 13:52 nobody's called, 911. 13:54 There's nobody there to help us. 13:56 And there that little child is 13:58 and I can see him just the terror. 14:01 No tears, no tears he's too afraid, no tears, 14:05 just the terror on him. 14:07 And I'm... And his whole world changing. 14:09 Yes. Yes. His whole world changing. 14:11 I don't understand what's happening. 14:13 No and Ramsey, they were inseparable, inseparable. 14:17 And he is living this out 14:20 about 12 feet from the incident 14:25 and immediately Benjamin pulls him out of the water. 14:30 I can't even explain what we're... 14:32 what I'm looking at, you know, 14:35 it's my husband was on his way home 14:37 had not gotten home. 14:38 You know, he's a veterinarian, he saves creatures 14:41 and all I could think of is where are you. 14:44 You know he's the leader of the home, 14:47 he's not there. 14:49 I don't know how to do this without you. 14:51 I can't do it without you, I can't but I'm having to. 14:56 You know, and so Benjamin immediately 12 years old, 15:00 begins to do CPR. 15:02 I snatched the phone, he is doing CPR, 15:05 I'm calling 911 and, you know, 15:07 they want to keep you on the phone I can't breathe. 15:10 My children are right here Chandler hanging on to my leg, 15:14 the other, I can't even, I can't even... 15:17 Somebody is got to answer this call. 15:19 You've got to help us. 15:21 And so they want, 15:22 they want details and I'm thinking, 15:24 "Please stop, just come, trust me you just got to come." 15:28 And so it seemed like three more minutes passed 15:33 and I hear this creak and it was the back gate 15:37 and I will never forget that moment 15:39 and the man walked in with a bag. 15:41 I had never been so relieved and I just remember saying, 15:45 "God thank you, thank you for sending someone." 15:49 He immediately comes over 15:51 and then there's more people coming 15:53 and the helicopter lands in the backyard is full 15:56 and I just remember thinking, you heard me, 16:00 this doesn't look like what it's supposed to look like 16:03 but you came when I called. 16:05 Amen. 16:06 You heard me, you know, 16:10 and I was just telling someone my story 16:12 doesn't have a bow on it. 16:14 That's big and beautiful and lovely, 16:16 my story doesn't look like that. 16:19 The reality was, we buried our son. 16:23 We worked hard tirelessly. 16:26 People did not want to give up. 16:28 No. On him. 16:29 We fought, we did all those things 16:31 and it just didn't turn out like we needed it to. 16:37 So we were faced with a truth that shifted our entire family. 16:42 It shook us to the core. 16:44 We're gonna, I like to take a break 16:46 because, I know that Jade, your husband is here 16:49 and I would like him to come up and speak with us 16:53 on this next part of that journey. 16:56 But right now, I just, I want to, 16:58 I want to say that I can't imagine being in that place, 17:02 I can't imagine that shift, 17:04 I can't imagine getting up the next day 17:07 and trying to figure out how to survive, 17:09 how to breathe, how to make breakfast. 17:14 I mean, you know, any of that kind of stuff. 17:16 And one of the things I want to answer when we come back, 17:19 is a lot of people will say, "If God is God, 17:23 why did that happen." 17:24 And I really want to answer that question 17:28 or I want to have Jade and Angelia 17:29 answer that question because you know what, 17:32 we want to blame God and God says, 17:33 "I promise you, this was not my fault." 17:37 If you're out there, 17:39 if you struggle with this kind of stuff 17:40 and you're having a hard time right now, 17:42 don't turn the channel off now. 17:44 Stay with us, we'll be right back. |
Revised 2016-09-19