Celebrating Life in Recovery

Writing through their Pain

Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Verism Barker


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR000125A

00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behaviour.
00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:06 may be too candid for younger children.
00:10 Has someone ever loved you so much
00:12 that you just knew
00:14 that as you looked in their eyes,
00:16 you were healing?
00:17 Today's program is gonna be about that.
00:19 Welcome to Celebrating Life in Recovery.
00:21 And come join us in the cafe.
00:51 Welcome to Celebrating Life in Recovery.
00:53 You know what I want to talk about
00:54 before we even get started on this program
00:56 and introduce you to those at the cafe,
00:58 you're gonna love everybody today.
01:00 But I want to talk about this whole season,
01:02 we're studying a book or going through a book
01:05 called Victory in Jesus.
01:06 And I've got to just show it to you
01:08 'cause it's just amazing.
01:09 So Victory in Jesus
01:11 and the whole book is about grace,
01:13 it's about God, it's about, you know, am I enough?
01:16 And it's like you shouldn't really have to say that,
01:19 you know, when you come to God, are you enough?
01:22 Is he crazy about you? Does he know who you are?
01:24 And I'm saying not only does he know who you are,
01:27 he knows who you are more than you know who you are.
01:30 You know in the midst of our craziness
01:31 and I can be crazy.
01:34 I used to think that I was crazy,
01:36 you know, I think I still am.
01:38 But I have a God that says, you know what,
01:39 I know that about you
01:41 and I'm gonna get you through every step.
01:43 So we had somebody on the show already,
01:46 alcoholic, still drinking, convicted sex offender,
01:50 all of that kind of stuff,
01:52 and when I say convicted sex offender,
01:53 this guy was with his girlfriend in high school,
01:56 unfortunately he was 18 and she was not
01:59 and he's registered for last, man 1000 years.
02:02 I mean his whole life was changed,
02:04 and so when you talk about grace.
02:06 Can he do anything that is good enough for God right now?
02:09 Because not only was he convicted
02:13 but he was not a good kid before then.
02:15 He was already drinking, his mom was alcoholic,
02:18 his house was crazy.
02:20 He had to deal with so many different things
02:22 from the time he was born till he was 18,
02:26 that as he's acting out in party
02:27 and wild and rebellious and all that kind of stuff.
02:30 His whole life was already falling apart
02:32 and then he gets this arrest and imprisonment
02:36 and now he is a sex offender
02:37 and having to deal with that stuff.
02:39 It was crazy.
02:40 When I asked him to be on the program,
02:41 I knew, that this guy is a mess.
02:44 I knew that he doesn't know where he's at spiritually,
02:47 he still drinks just to survive
02:49 and we're looking at grace and he got it, he got it.
02:54 Do you even, you know for some of us to get it,
02:57 to get that I can't do anything more
02:59 than what God's already done, I can't be good enough.
03:03 And I want to explain it in the only way I know
03:05 how to explain that is through stories.
03:08 And I want to just say to you guys
03:09 welcome to the cafe.
03:11 I cant wait to meet every single one
03:13 and, Larry, welcome back, we missed you,
03:15 Iris too, Bob too, and we got some new guests,
03:18 we've got, you know Donna and Connie and Verism,
03:21 so I just can't wait to introduce
03:23 but I want to tell you a story.
03:25 I...
03:27 for most everybody knows, you know I'm addict in recovery
03:30 and have been just a mess most my life.
03:34 And actually most of my life.
03:37 That's a lie, I've been a mess all my life.
03:39 But you know I've just been a mess
03:41 and when I found God what was incredible to me
03:44 is from the moment I met him in a drug house
03:47 trying to kill myself.
03:48 He said I'm absolutely crazy about you.
03:51 And I couldn't believe it, I'm thinking, I'm strung out.
03:54 I've never done anything good in my life,
03:57 and all I know is God.
04:00 He says, that's okay, God says that's okay.
04:02 I stood up in that.
04:04 It gave me enough courage to stand up.
04:06 Not everybody was looking at me like you're okay.
04:09 You know what I mean 'cause I don't know how to talk
04:11 and I don't know how to be, and I don't know how to act
04:13 and I don't fit in anywhere.
04:15 You know I fit in on the streets,
04:16 I fit in with my friends but I don't fit in over here,
04:19 and yet God is telling me to stand over here,
04:22 sit over here, he was crazy but years down the road,
04:25 and I wish I could tell you everything.
04:27 But years down the road, this woman comes up to me
04:31 and she said, she just caught me off guard.
04:33 She says, Cheri, does your momma love you yet?
04:38 My mom's damaged and I love her.
04:41 And, you know,
04:42 my whole family is going through their own recovery
04:44 and their own healing, and it's amazing,
04:46 amazing to watch all that
04:48 but she doesn't, we never bonded.
04:52 I don't know if she knows how or I know how?
04:54 I mean we just don't know how to act or be and...
04:58 but that moment when she said that it caught me off guard,
05:00 and I started to cry and I'm not a crier.
05:03 But I started to cry and she just held me.
05:06 And when she held me, everything in me thought,
05:10 I think I wanted to be held like this my whole life,
05:13 my whole life.
05:15 And she said, I want you to know that I love you.
05:19 And I thought why?
05:22 You know, it was just a craziest thing.
05:25 And later on, I run into her again
05:27 and she said you know, I've talked to the whole family
05:30 and I told them I wanted to adopt a little girl.
05:35 Can I adopt you? I thought what?
05:41 You know, and how crazy I'm looking at this woman,
05:44 I'm like what, what are you talking about?
05:47 What do you mean?
05:48 And I remember just feeling that with everything in me,
05:51 what do you mean?
05:52 And she said, I'd like to adopt you.
05:54 I was 43 years old.
05:57 You know I don't even know is it,
05:59 can you adopt somebody my age,
06:01 you know, and she said I like to adopt you and John,
06:05 her husband is John Marcia and John was just being me,
06:09 almost like he was at the hospital
06:11 collecting the baby.
06:12 You know what I mean?
06:13 Just beaming, this couple was just beaming.
06:15 And I thought I don't know this makes no sense to anybody
06:22 but everything in me, I wanted a mom, a family,
06:27 my whole life, in that moment I realized
06:31 that the moment you said that, the moment she held me,
06:34 the moment I knew was real, I realized that
06:36 and I thought "wow", and I went home
06:41 and it was the craziest thing
06:43 'cause within the next few days,
06:45 I'm just checking my mail and it was nothing,
06:47 no big deal.
06:49 I'm checking my mail and I get a letter from her.
06:53 And I didn't know where, this is like for my new mom,
06:55 how fun is this?
06:57 And I opened it up,
06:58 and it's a little birthday card,
07:00 happy first birthday.
07:02 And it was a little kid's card and I thought,
07:05 this is how crazy, happy first birthday...
07:08 I just want you to know that I love you,
07:11 and I thought man,
07:13 and I just held that card too close to my heart.
07:16 Do you know what I mean, I have that card
07:17 and I'm thinking what is she doing
07:19 and within a few days like a week
07:23 I get another card happy second birthday.
07:28 And I thought no way,
07:29 and she wrote a little bit in it.
07:31 And every single time I felt that kind of love,
07:35 it was healing, it was so ridiculous,
07:39 it was so ridiculous.
07:40 And by the next week I thought, you know what,
07:43 I want to sit by the mailbox.
07:45 I want to be there when the mail comes,
07:48 and I open up the third one, when I was three years old
07:53 was the most awareness I had
07:56 of how much abuse was in my home,
07:59 of the sexual abuse and addictions
08:02 and the craziness and all of that kind of stuff
08:05 but I had an awareness of that.
08:08 But I opened up this card
08:10 and it was little duck holding an umbrella.
08:13 I still to this day, it was the craziest thing
08:16 that a little duck holding an umbrella
08:18 and it said happy third birthday.
08:21 And I wanted to weep.
08:23 I opened it up and she said I wish I was there
08:26 because I would have held you.
08:27 I would have told you how beautiful you are
08:30 and how loved you are and I could not stop crying.
08:35 I wept and wept and wept and every part of me healed
08:40 and so we're talking about right now the grace of God.
08:43 It's really interesting 'cause what this woman gave me
08:46 was grace and love
08:49 and this unconditional acceptance,
08:51 it was unbelievable.
08:53 But when somebody says what does God expect
08:55 when he gives you grace?
08:57 What did Marcia expect from me do you think?
09:00 Anybody, you know what I learned
09:03 is she didn't expect anything
09:05 but in the fact that she was loving me
09:08 and I started to be able to love her,
09:11 she just smiled.
09:13 She knew it was real and she knew was healing
09:15 that she knew I needed that.
09:17 And so I think that God is the same.
09:19 We try to behave for God,
09:20 and it's not that he doesn't want us to change.
09:23 Marcia did want me to change.
09:24 She wanted me to be able to receive love,
09:27 she wanted me to stand up and be in my own skin
09:29 and know how to respond her and God is the same.
09:32 He's not saying I love you and here's a check list.
09:35 He said I love you and relax in that.
09:39 Be okay with that.
09:40 It's gonna change everything about you,
09:43 not because I don't love everything about you
09:45 but because some of it is so damaged
09:47 that will always trip you up.
09:48 But in my love, you will heal
09:51 and so we're gonna talk about that,
09:53 what we do for each other
09:54 and allowing each other to heal,
09:56 but we're also gonna talk about the grace of God,
09:59 and what is our response back to him
10:02 'cause some people think
10:03 that they have fight to behave for the rest of their life
10:05 as God won't like them.
10:07 You cannot get God not to like you.
10:10 You can't, I don't care who you are,
10:12 I don't care how messed up you are,
10:13 you will not get God not to like you.
10:16 It just can't happen, he is love.
10:18 He did this whole thing,
10:20 set this whole thing in motion to get you, to get that.
10:23 As soon as you get that like what I got with Marcia,
10:26 you start to heal.
10:27 You start to relax in the fact that you are loved
10:30 and you are okay.
10:31 And so I want to say this whole season,
10:34 this whole season, I want you to know
10:36 that you are loved and you're okay.
10:39 We're gonna come right back.
10:40 I wanted to introduce to our guests,
10:42 you're gonna love for...
10:43 I fell in love with her on the phone.
10:45 The first time we started talking about
10:47 what we were gonna do on this program,
10:49 she won my heart.
10:50 So we'll be right back,
10:52 Celebrating Life in Recovery, stay with us.


Revised 2016-09-13