Celebrating Life in Recovery


Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Adam & Rayne Hamilton


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR000124B

00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior.
00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:06 may be too candid for younger children.
00:13 Welcome back. I don't know why
00:16 but I love these kinds of stories
00:19 not because I love what happens to us in our lives
00:22 but I love the fact that
00:23 in the middle of all of this insanity,
00:26 in the middle of this whole vortex of craziness
00:30 that you have a God that says, you know what?
00:32 You are not out of my reach.
00:33 I actually still see you.
00:35 And I have a plan for your life and I can change everything,
00:38 and every single time I see Him do it.
00:40 Every single time,
00:41 I watch somebody change your life
00:43 and actually get it and just almost we're shaking hands,
00:46 hand all of this over and say can you fix it.
00:50 And God says, "Man I absolutely can."
00:53 So you know, we're talking about,
00:54 you know, Rayne, we are talking about
00:56 your background and dad imprisoned,
00:58 mom out of control,
01:00 being raised by grandparents had no idea,
01:02 even how to speak to you at times.
01:04 And then, your alcoholic mom,
01:08 really kind of crazy being out there
01:10 doing whatever you wanted to do.
01:12 And I love when you said on that last segment is that
01:16 you even like the sound of things breaking.
01:18 Because I think that some people don't realize
01:20 that when we're angry and all of that stuff
01:22 is I want to break something,
01:24 I want to scream,
01:25 I want to go out there and wreak havoc.
01:27 You know, if I can steal your car,
01:28 I'm gonna steal your car,
01:29 it's like, you know, kids coming out of all
01:31 of that anger is almost a natural response
01:35 is somebody's gonna pay.
01:38 You know, somebody's gonna pay
01:39 and I'm gonna have fun, you know.
01:41 And so now you're in high school,
01:45 not a great student and what happens next?
01:49 I was my two months into my senior year.
01:53 That was just another Friday night,
01:54 me and buddy just looking for the party.
01:56 I get a call from some girls we know
01:59 and they want to hang out and drink a little bit
02:02 and listen to music what not so.
02:04 We're out there in the field and had the music up, drank.
02:09 Now one thing led to another,
02:11 me and one of the girls and we messed around.
02:16 Then it was a good night.
02:18 And you know, we split our ways.
02:20 Next day I get a call from sheriff's office,
02:23 want to talk to me.
02:24 Oh, my God, I'm gonna have some trouble for drinking.
02:27 So I came in there and they asked some questions.
02:30 I told them whole story about, you know,
02:31 I brought pills, we were drinking,
02:35 but then they started questions
02:36 but actually my style is little bizarre
02:39 but I told everything that happened
02:40 between me and her.
02:41 They said, "Write a statement, and we'll let you go."
02:43 I'm like okay so I wrote the statement out.
02:45 So at this point you're saying you know that
02:47 we're probably in trouble for drinking.
02:49 Absolutely, yeah.
02:51 As soon as I wrote the statement out,
02:53 I signed it,
02:54 they arrested me immediately
02:56 and told me I was being charged
02:58 with indecent liberties with the child.
02:59 I was 18 years old senior
03:01 and the girl I messed with was under 16.
03:04 She was 15 years old.
03:07 So, what did you think because,
03:09 you know, for a lot of us we think now wait,
03:13 because everybody, you know,
03:15 and I hate to say that we're out of control,
03:18 we're out of control in high schools.
03:21 We're out of control
03:22 when we're raised in that much dysfunction.
03:23 We're out partying and in relationships,
03:27 and damaging each other,
03:29 but now you're saying I am arrested
03:31 and they're looking at me like
03:34 you realize what we're saying.
03:36 You are in trouble.
03:38 And I was oblivious about... and I'm like okay,
03:41 I'll just bond out, let me call my mom.
03:43 Right, you don't understand.
03:45 You are in trouble, big trouble.
03:47 I'm like, oh, God.
03:49 Anyway I go to court
03:51 and had a court appointed attorney,
03:54 and the lawyer said you just got to plea bargain
03:57 or you are going to prison.
03:58 You don't want to go to prison with crime like this.
04:00 I'm like, really, okay, I'll plea bargain.
04:04 So we plea bargain for suspension of prison time
04:08 to go to little bit boot camp
04:10 which is like 70 percent failure rate
04:12 and if I failed at boot camp,
04:14 then I'll go to prison for three years.
04:17 So they send me out to this boot camp
04:18 which is an intense boot camp, I mean...
04:21 So this is where somebody is in your face
04:23 trying to get you to kind of,
04:24 man, stop misbehaving, turn your life around.
04:28 It's one of those kind of boot camps.
04:30 They want to break you down.
04:31 Yeah, they want to just...
04:32 whatever attitude you have,
04:34 they're gonna take that from you.
04:35 They're gonna strip you down and mold you.
04:38 And I know that I keep repeating myself
04:43 but with the all the damage that you had,
04:45 you have attitude.
04:48 You know I can see it even now.
04:50 You know, where you're saying,
04:52 you know what, somebody's got to hear me.
04:54 I didn't do any thing.
04:56 I am not supposed to be here kind of thing
04:59 and so there're saying, "How long did you stay?"
05:01 They're saying that we're gonna break you,
05:02 you need to change that.
05:04 Yeah.
05:05 Five months and a week I was there and I graduated.
05:08 Upon graduation,
05:10 I just wanted to put my past behind me
05:12 and continue on with my life
05:14 so I enrolled in a college to be a nurse.
05:17 My mom was a nurse. She was in Orient.
05:19 So that's why I wanted to be a flight nurse.
05:21 So I enrolled immediately,
05:22 after the first year of college,
05:23 I've had good grades.
05:25 I was gonna say 'cause these are little bit different.
05:27 No, no these will be your degrees no.
05:30 but I had grade, grades good.
05:32 Because you loved it.
05:33 Why all of a sudden your grades are good.
05:36 I wanted to be nurse.
05:39 I mean that's what I wanted to be,
05:40 I want to help people.
05:41 Right.
05:43 I am gonna just strive for it. Okay.
05:45 That was the goal, but upon first year,
05:50 the career adviser brought me in her office
05:52 and told me I wouldn't be doing my job
05:54 if I didn't tell this but you need to switch careers
05:57 because you'll never ever be a nurse with your felony.
06:01 I've got to ask you.
06:04 So at that moment when you realized
06:07 not only is this going to follow me
06:09 but it is going to...
06:11 It's gonna dictate the rest of my life.
06:14 Because now not only did you get a felony
06:17 for messing around in high school and drinking
06:20 and I am not condemning any of that.
06:21 You know, I wish that kids didn't and I would say,
06:23 we didn't act out,
06:24 which we didn't drink or whatever,
06:26 my mom and dad drank, you know,
06:28 in high school and ended up in trouble
06:30 but you know, so I wish that didn't happen.
06:32 But now you're a convicted sex offender.
06:36 And what she is saying is that,
06:38 I can let you finish this program
06:39 but you'll never get a job.
06:41 And that's really hit me how bad the crime is.
06:44 I mean, I didn't,
06:46 I really never heard the word 'sex offender'
06:48 ever until I got labeled as one.
06:51 I don't know the extent of it.
06:52 And then learned about peta files
06:54 and all those other stuff what the sex offender is,
06:57 I mean, that's...
06:58 Didn't you want to just scream at the top of your lungs,
07:00 wait a minute, that's not what I am,
07:02 that's not what I did, that's not what happened.
07:05 I don't know who to talk to or what to do.
07:06 And even saying that, Adam,
07:08 I don't want to excuse people that
07:11 really have issues in that area
07:13 but it sounds like you're paying for crime
07:17 that you're saying wait.
07:18 Can someone look at this?
07:20 Because
07:23 I know I should get in trouble
07:25 because you said that to me once.
07:26 I know I should have gone in trouble
07:28 but not a registered sex offender.
07:30 Yes.
07:31 See you have to leave nursing school.
07:33 Did you finished
07:34 or did you just decide I am leaving?
07:35 I dropped right away.
07:37 I dropped out of college immediately.
07:38 Yeah.
07:40 So you're drinking heavy?
07:41 Heavy, partying non stop with the bunch of guys
07:44 and I was on corrections,
07:47 probation on full time, so I didn't care.
07:50 Eventually they got tired of me popping
07:53 and blowing their breathalyzers
07:54 and revoked my probation and throw me in prison.
07:58 As a sex offender? As a sex offender.
08:00 That's not safe.
08:01 No, it's not really...
08:03 It's not a good deal.
08:04 That's the worst possible case
08:05 you possibly have going to prison.
08:07 So what happened?
08:08 You go in a prison as a sex offender
08:09 usually they don't survive
08:11 or they get really violently treated.
08:13 Yes.
08:15 I didn't, I'm walking in and right away they asked
08:18 what you're in there for
08:20 and you tell them your case,
08:23 like my case what situation was and they don't believe you.
08:28 They call you child molester, all those other words.
08:32 But I had this paper work that had my charge
08:34 and the ages and every thing on there.
08:36 So you kept your paper work with you almost?
08:37 Absolutely, yes. Yeah.
08:39 And they dismissed it...
08:43 and they definitely didn't ask me no more.
08:47 But I have seen other people coming in there too cases
08:51 and it's such a bad deal.
08:53 How long did you spent in prison?
08:57 Two...
08:58 two and half years.
08:59 So, now you are out in a halfway house
09:01 and that's where you guys meet, is that right?
09:07 You know you are lucky,
09:08 I am not your sister or your mom
09:10 because I'd be going like Rayne,
09:12 and now that, you know what,
09:14 from the time that I have met you, Adam,
09:16 as I hear your story
09:19 and I'm not excusing any behaviors
09:21 and I feel bad for you and this girl.
09:23 But man, a convicted sex offender
09:27 and to have that like you said that kind of stamped on you.
09:30 We go to somewhere you go that's really tough.
09:32 But you meet him.
09:34 And somebody has to have told you
09:36 that this is his issue.
09:37 But I knew his story right away and,
09:41 I mean, and I had a friend in high school
09:44 that has a similar story.
09:45 And it was consensual, I mean a girl was,
09:48 her mother even consented
09:51 and the state just picked him up
09:52 and he spent seven years in prison.
09:54 And he didn't hurt anyone or forced himself on anyone,
09:57 it was bogus.
09:59 So you have some experience? Yeah.
10:00 And what's really crazy is, I can't,
10:04 I am not at liberty to mention
10:06 who but I have even someone in my family
10:08 same kind of thing that they were in high school,
10:12 found in a compromising situation
10:15 not even sexual like you said
10:16 that you didn't have.
10:17 It wasn't a sexual situation with this girl
10:19 but they were in the same thing
10:21 and everybody wanted to press charges.
10:24 And then with this guy had turned 18 one day,
10:27 he had been 18 one day
10:29 and would have registered for the rest of...
10:31 not the rest of his life but for years.
10:32 Yeah.
10:33 So you're saying,
10:35 I knew the story, I heard that.
10:37 You guys fell in love. Right?
10:39 Yeah, absolutely.
10:42 Got married?
10:45 Have a couple of more kids.
10:47 But you know I want to hear.
10:50 What happened when they found
10:52 that you had kids?
10:54 Well, yeah.
10:57 So just to even,
11:00 I was on a parole after I got out of prison.
11:02 I was on parole for three years which it...
11:04 it was a very hard parole when you're sex offender.
11:07 It's impossible.
11:08 Yeah, they want you to fail.
11:10 I can't go to parks, I can't do anything.
11:12 But anyway Rayne gets pregnant
11:14 and I tell my parole officer about this,
11:16 and she says,
11:17 you can't even be around your kid
11:19 until you take this class for sex offenders.
11:21 And if I was in prison,
11:22 I didn't have to take this class.
11:24 But I'm on parole, I got to take it.
11:26 So for me even be around my own son,
11:29 I got to take sex offender class.
11:31 And so I do it,
11:33 do whatever I got to be around my son.
11:35 I go to these classes and it's...
11:38 I mean, my kids now, I mean,
11:41 I'm not against the law of sex offenders at all
11:43 but it should be there.
11:44 I think there is...
11:46 There are some people that really are sick
11:48 and really do need help...
11:51 And people need protection. Absolutely.
11:53 And I saw the class, it was rough setting
11:57 but I kind of, I sat on.
11:59 Do you know that I want to say
12:01 the first time you tell me the story
12:03 and I realize the stories that you heard
12:04 from person after person after person,
12:08 you said it twisted you, it almost killed you.
12:11 All you could do was go home and drink.
12:13 And I wanted to say, I am so sorry
12:15 because I could imagine
12:17 what you heard over and over and over.
12:20 And wanted to scream at someone,
12:22 I don't want to be here.
12:24 I don't want to hear this, I don't want to know this.
12:27 And I had to.
12:29 Just to be around your own children.
12:30 Yeah.
12:31 If he come home, and you wouldn't lean on him.
12:34 You just want to leave him alone,
12:36 like you could just tell,
12:37 he was just broken down and you just left him alone
12:40 for the rest of the night because he was a mess.
12:44 I just want to say and I don't know
12:46 how many people have said to you I am so sorry.
12:49 I am really sorry.
12:51 So you end up going to the class.
12:53 You get permission to be around your own children.
12:55 Yup, I am, it was like celebration
12:59 I was so happy to be around my own kid
13:01 and I don't have to worry about the law coming after me
13:04 but yeah,
13:06 that kind of went smoother for while to me.
13:09 You were registering
13:11 at once a year at the beginning,
13:15 registering once a year, sex offender.
13:18 You know there was a time
13:20 I know that you were asked to leave your home.
13:23 Can you talk about that a little bit?
13:24 They gave you 14 days I think.
13:27 Fourteen days. Yeah.
13:29 We lived there for seven years and we were good tenants.
13:34 We never were late on rent and we took care of our house.
13:37 I mean, it was nice outside, it was nice inside.
13:40 And just a development that we lived in got bought out
13:45 by a new company.
13:47 And once they found out
13:49 that a sex offender lived in our house,
13:52 they gave 14 days and I mean that was home
13:56 especially for me and Jaden, you know,
13:59 because that was like the first safe stable place
14:02 that we'd have after going through everything,
14:05 we went through, and now we're being told
14:07 we have to leave home.
14:09 Fourteen days, and nobody's gonna rent you.
14:12 No, nobody.
14:13 You said that you were online.
14:16 I was on the internet for a day,
14:18 I mean, I just lived on the internet for days
14:21 trying to find a house and every day he'd get off work
14:24 and we go looking and you know to our house,
14:27 look at a house
14:28 and every single person wanted to know
14:30 if you have felony or if you're a sex offender,
14:33 and some of them would specifically ask
14:35 if you were a sex offender.
14:37 And you said yes.
14:38 You would have to say yes.
14:40 No, you just walk out.
14:41 Because you knew. Yeah,
14:42 So you know, what's really...
14:45 what's crushing to me is I know that in 2013
14:51 you were gonna be off of probation,
14:54 not having to register anymore, all of that kind of stuff
14:57 and you were going to get your life back.
15:00 Yeah, don't have to register no more now with that...
15:02 What happened?
15:03 They changed the law.
15:05 Now instead of,
15:07 it was supposed to end in ten years
15:09 now they changed the law,
15:10 when I got to do for 25 years.
15:13 Oh, man I have to register three times...
15:14 Not you personally, just for everyone?
15:16 Everybody, well, it depends
15:18 people had to register for ten years.
15:20 I have registered 25 now
15:21 and people that registered for 25
15:23 that's registered for life.
15:24 Well.
15:25 So and then they upped to 20 dollars
15:27 every time I go register and three times a year.
15:29 Four times a year. Four times a year
15:31 So instead of one, it's four times a year.
15:33 And 15 more years?
15:37 So now my kids got to deal with this now too.
15:39 All our kids except for the baby,
15:41 you know, go through high school with him
15:43 being a registered sex offender.
15:47 How do you do that?
15:48 I mean, how do you deal with it?
15:51 My wife and family went
15:52 and they are wonderful support group
15:54 and my church family.
15:56 Because you're back in...
15:57 you are in church for the first time.
15:59 Still drinking, still not sure where are you
16:01 out with any of that.
16:03 Yeah.
16:04 But what brought you to a place where you said,
16:06 I am even gonna move in that direction?
16:10 Well it's the people I know.
16:13 I have watched her really.
16:15 I mean she reads few books in the morning
16:19 and I mean the things that she goes through
16:21 I don't know how she does it and some times I don't have,
16:24 I don't know what to do to help her.
16:26 These books she is reading,
16:27 it gives her such amazing support
16:31 and you know...
16:32 The devotions and stuff.
16:33 Yeah, that's what they are, I'm sorry.
16:35 No, but you know what I am just imagining
16:39 because I know that your whole life
16:41 is you hung on to God
16:43 almost white-knuckled it half the time.
16:45 And so he is watching you.
16:47 Say that in the midst of this craziness,
16:50 he watches you go,
16:52 go to the word or grab a devotion or pray.
16:57 I just don't feel like I'm any...
17:01 I don't feel like a good example,
17:04 so it's crazy to hear him say those things.
17:08 I love that.
17:09 So it got you to where you stepped into a church,
17:13 and what was that like?
17:14 Awesome, yeah, right away several opened arms.
17:18 I love the Sabbath school for kids,
17:22 I mean, 'cause I don't know a whole lot about the Bible.
17:25 I am still, I'm very learning it
17:27 and going for four, five, four years now.
17:30 Because you have four kids.
17:31 Yup, I learn so much in just my three year old class.
17:35 I mean all the stuff she learns,
17:36 I am like how do you know that,
17:38 that's awesome.
17:39 So I want to just, wherever I go,
17:41 I am learning more and more and more and this,
17:43 it's lot of fun.
17:45 It's because of God's love.
17:48 It's okay to fail, he is there for you.
17:51 And he even loves us.
17:53 What's really even for you to say that,
17:55 I want to go back to you,
17:57 for both of you is that...
17:59 How do you...
18:00 What do you do with your any resentment or anger
18:03 or this is not fair,
18:06 because I want to say,
18:07 I like you said earlier as I believe
18:10 the laws are there for reason
18:11 and I think they protect everyone.
18:13 We've had in the first season a convicted sex offender
18:17 that said I need that structure,
18:20 I need to know that I am accountable
18:21 and I need all that stuff.
18:23 So I am not saying anything against up but when you,
18:26 I am looking at you and thinking that man,
18:29 for a mistake in high school with a girl
18:32 that you are kind of dating to register
18:35 for the next 25 years is so...
18:37 I can't imagine the changes.
18:39 So what do you do with, when anger comes up?
18:42 What do you do when,
18:43 that even for you, what do you do,
18:45 because you have to deal with this everyday?
18:48 All of us have deal with it.
18:49 I mean, the kids are even getting old enough
18:52 where they gonna have to deal with it.
18:55 I feel like I take it and stride
18:58 may be even too much
18:59 because I don't care what he is labeled,
19:03 it's just ludicrous to me and so I know...
19:05 'Cause you know him.
19:06 Yeah, and everyone else that knows him
19:09 feels the same way but for him it's different
19:11 because he feels that label on him daily,
19:15 may be even
19:16 and they took me like even just a couple of months ago,
19:20 I finally realize that because I didn't,
19:22 I think I just took it way too much on the stride
19:25 when really it's beating him down
19:28 way more than what I realize
19:30 because I don't care that he has that label.
19:34 Well who cares what society says.
19:36 It matters what God thinks about you know.
19:39 It matters what me
19:40 and the kids think about you know.
19:41 And who he is.
19:43 Yeah and...
19:44 How about you?
19:45 It's...
19:48 At first, I mean, I just lost jobs over it
19:51 and it was tough to accept, I mean,
19:56 I don't know what to do.
19:57 Over the last three years, three, four years,
20:00 since I've put my foot in the door in the church,
20:03 I do feel lifted.
20:07 Pressure is off.
20:08 I don't really care what people think about me anymore.
20:11 But what matter is my kids, my family
20:13 and relation to God,
20:18 you know, it's tough,
20:22 real tough.
20:24 And I guess I want to look at you
20:25 and I am thinking, you know,
20:26 that's a sweet answer, Adam, but I know that,
20:29 I am not asking you that, I am asking you to be real.
20:31 What you got stamped,
20:34 this is who every one says you are.
20:36 You have to fight this on every first meeting.
20:38 You have to fight this on every job,
20:40 on every time you go out for a house,
20:43 and so, if you were talking not only for yourself
20:46 but other people that have had to do that fight.
20:48 Would you give that same sweet answer?
20:50 No, no.
20:51 Okay, I want you to answer for real.
20:54 You know, I can't imagine
20:56 and I can't imagine walking around with that,
20:59 and when you say I drink to stop thinking about it,
21:02 I get that.
21:05 It's terrible, I mean...
21:12 When people look at you as a pedophile,
21:15 it brings so much anger
21:17 and it makes you to hit everyone.
21:20 When I go home instead of relaxing,
21:22 I am sitting in room, going over on my mind
21:25 and what did I, why I am labeled this.
21:29 Can't be forgive, I mean, I've already done my time.
21:33 Why the laws keep changing?
21:35 Am I supposed to battle this for the rest of my life?
21:38 I mean nothing is easy for me to do in life,
21:40 absolutely nothing at all.
21:42 And...
21:44 Not even, and not even as of your children.
21:46 They're gonna look at you
21:47 and you're gonna have to explain to them.
21:49 Or their friends, or their friends,
21:51 parents, teachers, whoever.
21:53 I mean, it doesn't affect me no more,
21:56 it affects everyone, it affects my whole family now.
21:59 And they inherited it and as tears go on,
22:03 law changes and they just keep, that keeps me some sucked in.
22:06 So nothing I can do except to just hang on.
22:11 You know and I hope this doesn't sound easy,
22:14 but we're talking about grace.
22:16 And I...
22:17 Well, I was thinking about
22:19 how to cover this with you
22:20 and how to look at this in a real sense with you.
22:23 There is it Romans 5 and 6 and that says you know what
22:27 even when we were powerless,
22:28 even when we were been bombarded
22:30 with all of the stuff,
22:31 even when we were yet enemies of God himself,
22:34 he said, "I died for you
22:36 because I know you are not going
22:37 to pull yourself out of this.
22:39 It is only gonna be for the grace of God,
22:40 that you will grab your life back."
22:42 And so when I read that,
22:44 I thought about you specifically
22:46 that I can't imagine
22:49 what it feels like to be in your skin sometime,
22:52 and have that battle,
22:53 knowing that you're gonna have that battle day in and day out.
22:57 What did you do with when it's overwhelming?
23:01 What did you do with the anger
23:03 and the bitterness what did you do?
23:04 I drink.
23:05 You drink and does it, is it still working to drink?
23:09 I mean, that's what I do,
23:11 I don't know what else to do sometimes
23:13 and that's for it's like peace.
23:17 I drink and then I don't have to think about that stuff
23:20 where I just,
23:22 and the next morning I wake up,
23:23 it's like a new day
23:25 until something triggers me off again about it all then.
23:29 And then you drink again.
23:30 Yeah, I take one day a time.
23:34 You know, I am looking at you
23:38 and I am thinking that the only way
23:40 I survived any of my junk,
23:43 you know ten years on the street
23:45 and slamming heroin and all that kind of stuff
23:47 is that I had to believe
23:50 that God was better than the heroin.
23:53 Because the only time I got a break
23:55 is I put some drugs in the spoon,
23:57 cooked it up and slammed them.
23:58 No, and that was my only break,
24:00 the only time I didn't feel like killing myself,
24:02 and I am looking at you saying that as your friend
24:05 because I really feel like,
24:07 you know God is allowed us to meet
24:09 and start a friendship.
24:11 And as your friend,
24:12 I don't care what you have to do,
24:14 the alcohol is lined to you.
24:16 It's almost like a lover that seduces us
24:18 and says you know what,
24:20 I might here and I am always gonna work
24:21 and it's a lie.
24:23 It has never worked.
24:24 It has never gotten you to a place
24:26 where you could stand up on your own skin.
24:28 And my prayer for you, Adam,
24:31 is that, you trust grace.
24:37 You know, we've been hanging out
24:38 for the last couple of days.
24:39 You're gonna be so tired.
24:42 But what do you think as the last couple of days
24:44 what we've been talking about.
24:46 It's...
24:48 Well, you taught me
24:50 while talking and everything its,
24:53 I mean, what we do, I mean, God loves us.
24:59 Nobody is perfect.
25:01 Nobody in this world is perfect.
25:05 He loves us all
25:07 and if you think you can get through
25:08 this world by yourself, you're crazy.
25:12 You need him and he is there open arms waiting for you.
25:17 He says stop.
25:20 It's hard to accept. Yeah.
25:22 Why?
25:23 I don't know, because I don't like
25:24 especially for me it should be easy
25:26 like I grew up.
25:27 Being taught that
25:29 on top of the don't do this
25:30 or don't do that or you'll go to hell.
25:32 You know grace was in there somewhere,
25:34 you know, I heard it at least but it's still.
25:38 It's really tough to...
25:40 I am not drinking every day,
25:42 I am not smoking pot everyday,
25:44 I am not, you know,
25:46 I don't even have the struggles
25:47 he does but I still question myself everyday,
25:50 everyday.
25:51 Because you don't feel good enough.
25:52 I don't, yeah.
25:54 You know what I want to scream to the entire world
25:56 is we're not good enough, that's why Christ died.
26:00 You know, to me I look at that,
26:02 I think where did we get that wrong.
26:04 The best of the best of us are like filthy rags.
26:06 The best of the best of us
26:08 has been deceived outside of what norm is.
26:12 And God said you know, I knew that
26:14 and Jesus said I died knowing that.
26:18 So knowing that the only way you're gonna go home.
26:20 The only way you're gonna get back in your own skin is if I,
26:24 if I redeem you.
26:25 And with you,
26:27 I know that you are harder on yourself
26:29 than a lot of non Christians
26:31 because you have that background.
26:32 You call your self.
26:34 I am not good enough, I am doing this,
26:35 I am thinking this, I am, you know whatever,
26:38 I am not good enough and you will call yourself.
26:41 Can you say even when Adam started
26:44 to get a little bit of grace
26:46 what you felt like in Bible,
26:47 you remember you saw I'm at a Bible study,
26:50 he starts getting little bad and it made me angry.
26:55 Oh yeah. Bible testament, yeah.
26:57 You remember that mad me angry.
26:59 That I'm looking at him and he is going to get it
27:02 and I don't get it.
27:03 Are you kidding me?
27:05 I was jealous he gets to come into,
27:07 into the church learning about God's love first
27:10 and falling in love with Jesus and what Jesus did for us.
27:14 He gets to learn that first instead of don't do this
27:17 or you'll go to hell
27:18 because that's totally the background for me.
27:22 We're gonna take a break and because we got to close.
27:25 I wish that we had another hour but we don't.
27:27 So we're gonna close,
27:28 but I am gonna have you guys stay with me on the close
27:30 and we're gonna talk a little bit more about this.
27:32 If you haven't heard me say throughout this program
27:36 that we're not enough.
27:38 But God says my blood is enough
27:40 and I am crazy about you.
27:43 Stay with us, we will be right back.


Revised 2016-09-13