Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Adam & Rayne Hamilton
Series Code: CLR
Program Code: CLR000124A
00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior.
00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:06 may be too candid for younger children.
00:10 You know there are times
00:11 that I just want to kiss God on the face.
00:13 I love how He steps into the craziest situation
00:17 and brings grace and recovery and hope.
00:20 Welcome to Celebrating Life in Recovery.
00:21 My name is Cheri, come join us in the cafe.
00:50 Welcome, you know,
00:52 I thought about this program today,
00:54 we're gonna do it little bit different.
00:57 We have no one at the cafe,
00:59 I'm just having some friends come in,
01:01 and it is one of the hardest and most scariest programs
01:04 I've ever done.
01:05 And I think for a couple reasons,
01:07 I ask my friend Rayne and Adam
01:09 to come in and do the program with me,
01:12 If you ask them they would say they don't even know
01:14 where they are spiritually,
01:16 they are a mess and all that kind of stuff.
01:17 So please don't, don't expect anything in that way,
01:22 because today we're taking about the grace of God.
01:25 Does God know who we are?
01:26 Does God step in to our lives,
01:29 all along the way and say
01:30 "I've known you since the foundation of the world
01:32 and I will get you home, I will get you standing up."
01:36 But before I introduce Rayne and Adam,
01:39 is I want you to say a couple things of about
01:42 what happened this week to set this program up.
01:44 Is that okay?
01:45 Absolutely Okay.
01:47 So in the last couple of weeks,
01:49 I went to another state and did a prison ministry
01:53 and it was really fun
01:54 because I'm doing a women's prison
01:56 and I just called that you know
01:58 women's retreat behind bars,
02:00 and they gave me three hours, two days in a row,
02:03 right, which is crazy, you just never get that.
02:06 So I'm working with a group for women,
02:07 I feel like I'm working with my family,
02:09 you know, I know exactly, you know, where they are at,
02:14 and a lot of them have crimes that are intense.
02:17 They are walking around with stuff
02:18 that they are ashamed of,
02:20 things in their life that have plagued them,
02:22 maybe even from the womb,
02:24 I mean it's just crazy to work with these women.
02:26 And I watch one after another start to really get the fact
02:31 that what if grace is true,
02:33 what if God is crazy about us,
02:36 what if I can step into a relationship with God
02:40 and know that He knows all of that
02:42 and I am forgiven and I am loved.
02:44 So we start talking about this and there is one woman
02:47 that is in the audience and the guards,
02:51 the guards and the volunteer coordinator
02:53 everybody is saying, you know what,
02:55 if she does anything,
02:57 we're removing her from the room.
02:59 And I'm thinking what's up with that.
03:01 And they say, she has just been...
03:03 She is hard, she is hard to deal with,
03:06 she is angry, she is always inciting things.
03:09 If she says anything, if she is disrespectful
03:12 or whatever, you know, she out of here.
03:14 And so I'm thinking
03:16 how can I make sure that doesn't happen
03:18 because I know she needs to be there,
03:20 I mean if she is that out of control,
03:22 she needs to be there.
03:23 And so, Rayne, you would love this.
03:25 So I start talking
03:26 and I'm gonna do an example of something in my life
03:31 and I grabbed her like, by the throat,
03:33 and lifted her up and then kind of threw her back in her seat
03:36 and she looked at me like,
03:40 what do you just do?
03:41 I like you. And I'm...
03:43 I like you that's exactly what she said,
03:45 It's like what did you just do?
03:47 And her and I started to have a little bit of a rapport.
03:50 And so the first day we're just setting up on who is God
03:54 and what is forgiveness about
03:56 and what does he think about us,
03:57 and all of that kind of stuff, and really going to the point
04:00 that if I don't get rid of this anger and bitterness,
04:02 if I don't surrender this,
04:04 it will destroy me, it will destroy me,
04:07 everything in me, I just won't make it.
04:10 And so, I'm trying to get all of the women,
04:13 but her in particular to look at the fact
04:15 that you've got to surrender this stuff.
04:16 You've got to somehow step over that line and just say,
04:21 I'm not saying anybody is innocent or guilty,
04:23 I'm just surrendering this,
04:25 I'm gonna give this to God,
04:26 and accept the grace that he has for me.
04:28 So the next day, we do this whole thing
04:31 about the worksheets on forgiveness and whatever,
04:33 and she starts crying.
04:34 Because everybody is saying,
04:36 you know what I did this forgiveness last night
04:37 and forgave my uncle who molested me
04:40 or my mother who laughed or my husband who beat me,
04:43 I mean, all of that kind of stuff.
04:45 And they're all working on issues
04:46 and I feel so light and free
04:49 and I'm watching all this healing
04:50 and she starts sobbing.
04:52 I don't feel any of that she says,
04:54 I don't feel any of that.
04:56 In fact I feel angry and I feel like
04:59 I don't even want to hear what someone else got,
05:03 the fact that it worked for them,
05:04 because I'm not feeling any of that
05:05 and I'm not forgiving anybody,
05:08 I'm not forgiving anybody.
05:10 And it was so heavy and it was so intense
05:13 that I got on my knees in front of her
05:15 and I just held her hands and I said
05:17 "My fear is, you will die with this anger
05:20 if you don't forgive.
05:22 I'm not saying they're right,
05:23 I'm not saying your life was fair.
05:25 I'm just saying you gonna die with this
05:26 if you don't give it up."
05:28 And she started crying and she is like,
05:30 I don't how to give it up,
05:31 how about just say that,
05:33 how about just come to God and say that,
05:35 I don't know how to do it
05:37 and she did and the whole room...
05:40 healing, it was like a wave of healing
05:43 that went through this entire room.
05:44 I watched her body change,
05:46 I watched the counselor
05:48 who was a non Christian counselor,
05:50 hates the fact that Christians groups come in
05:51 and I'm definitely faith based,
05:53 I'm crazy about God and so,
05:55 she hates the fact that groups come in talking about God.
05:58 And she was in tears, she's in tears
06:01 and I'm thinking, shut up!
06:02 How fun is that,
06:04 this woman couldn't even hardly hold herself in.
06:07 So then the volunteer coordinator says
06:10 how do want to end this?
06:11 And I want to just say forgive me for anybody
06:14 that has a hard time with this
06:16 but I say can we do an anointing for healing,
06:19 because these people have some serious injuries,
06:22 psychological injurious,
06:23 pain that they have brought their whole life,
06:25 crimes that they have done that they've caused pain.
06:27 I mean they really need to look at grace and forgiveness.
06:30 Can we do an anointing?
06:32 And I had to pull the pastor in
06:34 and all that kind of stuff to do this anointing
06:35 and about 25 women got anointed,
06:38 including this woman that was so angry.
06:40 And so what I want to say about today's program,
06:42 we're gonna look at grace,
06:44 and we're gonna look at grace in a way
06:46 that I'm not gonna apologize for God at all,
06:49 he loves us.
06:51 I mean some of you and some of you even watching
06:55 have done things that are crazy.
06:58 The shame that you walk around with is intense.
07:01 You know exactly who you are,
07:03 you know exactly what you have done.
07:04 Some of you haven't,
07:06 some of you had things done to you
07:07 that are so intense but we're all,
07:09 we're walking around in such bondage.
07:11 And we come to a God that says "Man, I know all of that."
07:16 Romans 5 is my favorite one
07:18 and we're gonna stay with this almost all season.
07:20 But Romans 5 when, you know,
07:23 God was talking about the fact that...
07:26 for when you were without strength,
07:29 when you were powerless,
07:30 when you didn't have the ability
07:32 to even respond to what I'm offering you,
07:34 the love and grace I'm offering you,
07:36 I died for you.
07:37 When you hated me, when you were slamming heroin,
07:40 when you were out there running and lying
07:42 and doing all that kind of stuff,
07:44 I died for you then.
07:45 This, you got to get that,
07:49 that grace is absolutely what saves us,
07:52 everything else comes later but grace we have to get.
07:56 So we are gonna be talking about that
07:57 and I'm so excited.
07:58 So now I'm gonna introduce you, um,
08:01 Rayne, you know that I love you.
08:03 I love you.
08:05 I loved you forever, we met how long ago?
08:09 Twelve years ago.
08:12 Tell this story about the first prison
08:14 we went into together.
08:17 We were doing prison ministries
08:19 in the juvenile facilities around Kansas
08:22 and we went to the facility in Topeka,
08:24 where I live now.
08:25 Oh, wait and you know what I got to say no that's,
08:27 no that's perfect but the fact is,
08:31 when we first met, you said to me,
08:35 do you do prison ministry?
08:36 Because I want you go into the prison with me.
08:39 And I remember saying the craziest thing,
08:41 I shall never says this to you again,
08:43 is I said "You set it up
08:45 and I'll go into as many as you want."
08:47 And I think we went to every prison in Kansas
08:49 We went to very juvenile facility in Kansas,
08:51 that was a challenge, but we did it,
08:54 that was pretty cool.
08:55 So when we into the...
08:57 we were getting ready to go into the one
08:59 and we were like an hour away
09:03 from where we were staying in, remember?
09:04 And you left your ID.
09:07 I had no, no, identification at all.
09:09 You had none.
09:11 You were just sitting in the car
09:12 and you're looking through your purse
09:13 and you are like, Oh!
09:15 And you just didn't have anything,
09:16 and you and I both know,
09:19 you don't get in without identity,
09:21 we might as well just turn around and leave
09:24 and I was ready to back out you're like,
09:25 no wait, we're just gonna pray about it
09:27 and we're just gonna go in.
09:28 Okay, let's go.
09:30 It was the craziest moment
09:32 because I knew I looked at you
09:34 and I thought you know what,
09:37 not only is this important for whoever is gonna be in there
09:39 but it was important for you.
09:41 And to me, I felt that with everything in me
09:44 and I said God, you cannot let
09:46 the fact that I don't have ID stop this,
09:48 and I remember just praying like crazy.
09:52 And we got out of the car and walked in like,
09:54 that was ridiculous, who does that.
09:56 It wasn't gonna happen, we weren't going in.
09:58 So we go in and they are checking my ID
10:01 and the other lady's ID
10:03 and you're just chatting away with the guard
10:06 like no big deal, nothing,
10:08 and they just let us in, they never even
10:10 asked you for your ID, that's just not...
10:14 that doesn't happen.
10:16 It was so interesting.
10:17 To me when we got in there,
10:18 one of the things that I think was amazing to me is
10:22 how freely you give your testimony to people
10:26 that you want to help.
10:28 And so I want to ask you to start out a little bit
10:31 with who are you?
10:35 You know what's your story, what's your journey?
10:37 'Cause like I said spiritually you're saying
10:40 I'm all over the board.
10:44 I was born disabled,
10:48 my mom had a really hard time with taking of care me
10:50 because she has a bunch of her own junk.
10:54 My dad went to prison when I was one
10:56 and he's still there and I was raised...
10:58 The whole time he's not been out...
11:01 And back in, he is been in the whole time.
11:04 Other than when he escaped. When he escaped, but yeah.
11:09 Since I was one and then my grandparents stepped in
11:12 when I was like three or four and adopted me
11:15 and a huge generation gap and just...
11:20 I mean they did their best,
11:21 they had the best of intensions,
11:23 but it was kind of a rough,
11:24 especially once I became a teenager.
11:27 And they just, they loved me so much
11:29 and they wanted to, you know,
11:31 raise me the best that they could and protect me,
11:33 but they just, I think,
11:35 they just kind of had the wrong idea.
11:36 They tried to, you know,
11:38 treat me from my disability
11:40 instead of a 17 year old normal girl.
11:44 If you, if you had to explain that to someone
11:46 because I don't think abled folks realize
11:48 how ignorant we are sometimes with what we say,
11:52 you know, so when you just said that
11:54 they tried to treat me in my disability,
11:57 instead of like a 17 year old.
11:58 What do you mean?
12:00 I mean I just think they wanted to protect me
12:02 because I mean, to them or to other people
12:06 I'm fragile, and to me I'm like,
12:09 I'm just a normal 17 year girl
12:11 because you just let me go out with my friends.
12:13 And I mean I couldn't go out past dark
12:16 in the winter time that's 5 o'clock
12:18 and the first thing when you're in high school
12:20 that's stupid, that's just insane.
12:23 So, you rebelled against all of that?
12:24 Oh, man, I was out to just prove
12:26 I was everything that no one would expect me to be.
12:30 Yeah, and then when I first...
12:31 when I first met you and you said,
12:32 you know, I'm sneaking out of the house
12:34 and I'm, you know, going out
12:35 and smoking weed and hanging out with friends
12:37 and all of that kind of stuff.
12:39 For you to sneak out of the house
12:40 was not the easiest thing.
12:41 I did it.
12:43 I stole the car a couple times,
12:45 I mean... I just...
12:48 I was gonna prove that I was gonna do
12:49 whatever it was I wanted to do...
12:51 I'm no different than anyone else.
12:54 And may be that wouldn't have been that way
12:55 had they just treated me like a normal teenager
12:57 but I just had to prove myself
13:00 and it just turned out the wrong way to prove myself.
13:05 Did you ever 'cause you said they had, they had a...
13:08 they were introverts,
13:09 they were probably a little bit
13:11 even more hyper religious, you know...
13:15 It's just that I mean that generation
13:17 Because we talk about religious addictions
13:18 and that whole generation thing
13:20 is that you were talking may be some of that stuff even.
13:22 Yeah, I mean you know my grandma loves God
13:27 and that we're supposed to love God
13:30 with all our soul and heart and mind
13:32 and that he supposed to be number one
13:34 and that's good but she took it to a different level
13:37 were she loved her religion like more than me.
13:42 And I don't think that's okay,
13:44 you know, and that's what she did it to my mom too...
13:46 That's a powerful statement because your mom ended up
13:51 totally rebelling and pushing away from all of that too.
13:54 Oh, yeah, it was bad for her too.
13:57 So when, when we met,
14:00 you were with it really abusive relationship.
14:04 I got married when I was 22,
14:08 we had Jaden and when I met him,
14:13 he was like this great guy,
14:14 you know like I would have never imagined
14:17 he would do anything terrible.
14:19 And then after and he,
14:21 our relationship was fine in the beginning
14:24 and then through my pregnancy with Jaden
14:26 and it wasn't until after I had Jaden,
14:28 and then he started being abusive,
14:29 and then by then I'm like it's too late,
14:31 you have a kid you're married.
14:34 I mean I had no inclination that he was gonna be abusive
14:37 whatsoever, so I was just stuck...
14:40 Didn't talk to anyone, didn't tell anyone?
14:43 You didn't tell me.
14:45 And I was in it when I met you.
14:48 Yeah, because I found out after everything fell apart.
14:51 And it was a big shock to everyone
14:53 that knew us like what,
14:56 no way and that would...
14:58 like people don't even believe me,
15:00 some people including my own family,
15:02 they actually took him in when we split up
15:05 and then I was the wayward one
15:07 and I'm like...
15:09 Are you kidding me?
15:10 But you know with, with,
15:12 with some abuse like I work with a lot of people
15:15 that I love that are in really abusive relationships and,
15:18 and that all plays out and it does,
15:21 it looks like it's their fault
15:22 and why didn't, you know, tell anybody,
15:24 it couldn't be that bad,
15:25 you need to just hang in there...
15:26 I still felt for me.
15:28 But you had a knife to your throat at one point,
15:30 so you know it was the fact that he wanted to kill,
15:34 not only you but Jaden.
15:36 And Hannah. And Hannah.
15:37 So, I mean he turned around and looked at them
15:41 because he kept telling me
15:42 when he grabbed us up and put us in the truck.
15:45 He was like, I'm just gonna kill us all
15:46 and I'm like, you know,
15:48 of everything he was a good dad.
15:51 I mean he was not good to me
15:52 and our relationship was craziness
15:54 but he loved his kids and he was a good dad.
15:57 And I was like, I just got to get him to focus
15:59 and I was like turn around and look at your babies,
16:02 your babies are in it,
16:04 let's go take them back to house
16:05 and you can do whatever you want with me.
16:07 But just look at your babies that are in the truck
16:09 and he looked at Jaden in the backseat
16:12 and I said I'm gonna kill us and he told Jaden that.
16:15 Jaden remembers that till this day.
16:17 And he was young. He was five.
16:20 Five years old.
16:24 So, you know, to me the reason
16:25 I just want to start with who are you,
16:28 because that's not what
16:30 this program is gonna be about today,
16:32 but I want to say is sometimes
16:35 we forget that God is following us
16:37 from years of damage,
16:40 you know, sometimes it's years of craziness,
16:42 it's years of may be having...
16:45 I think we have an enemy
16:47 and I think the devil is strategically
16:49 going after us sometimes
16:50 and strategically he is telling one lie after another,
16:53 after another, after another
16:55 and grace or God has to get through all of those lives
17:01 and say I promise you this was not my fault.
17:04 So even at the time when you are walking away
17:08 from that crazy relationship, your dad imprisoned,
17:11 your mom is really not been able to be there for you,
17:14 grandparents are at this time
17:16 not even a kind of cognitively still there.
17:22 What did you think of God?
17:23 I mean what was that, that sense of God at that time?
17:27 I wasn't...
17:29 he just wasn't there and I wasn't good enough,
17:32 I wasn't good enough to keep a marriage together,
17:35 I wasn't good enough for my kids and I just...
17:40 I wasn't good enough for God, so he just wasn't there.
17:44 I just want to cry when you say that
17:45 because I love you, you know,
17:47 and I know that for a long time
17:49 you felt that I just wasn't enough.
17:52 You know I pray that after this program
17:54 no one will ever feel that.
17:55 I just hope that we say that really loud,
17:58 loud, it's not about that we are enough.
18:01 So now I want to ask you,
18:03 how you met Adam and then, Adam,
18:05 I'd like you to say a little bit
18:07 about your background?
18:08 Okay. Okay.
18:10 So, this is crazy
18:11 because it's like the first time
18:12 I ever honestly told anybody
18:14 how I met you right at the first.
18:16 So you're gonna be honest.
18:17 I'd love that only on Celebrating Life, all right.
18:21 Because you know what, it is we heard that we can say
18:24 and I believe this more on this program than a lot,
18:30 is man, if we're not gonna be honest now,
18:32 let's not even say it
18:33 because there are people that just say
18:35 please don't just give me a Bible text,
18:37 because I need something to hold on to.
18:44 I was working and I was in the middle of my divorce
18:47 and I just have, I had a,
18:49 I mean I felt like a cool group of friends,
18:51 they accepted me and they were good to me
18:54 and one of my favorite friends,
18:57 he had this buddy, Hamilton
19:00 and they lived in a halfway house together,
19:02 because they'd both just gotten out of prison.
19:05 And he was always talking about his friend Hamilton.
19:07 That's exactly where I go to date,
19:11 I'm sorry, I just had to say that,
19:13 a halfway house, are you kidding me,
19:15 you know, but you know what,
19:16 that's how crazy our life gets,
19:18 it make sense for some reason it makes sense,
19:21 but I just had to interrupt, I'm sorry.
19:22 Don't... yeah, don't...
19:24 that's not where you want to find
19:25 someone to date for sure.
19:27 I often wonder how I'm gonna explain that to my kids.
19:29 Well, look where your found daddy,
19:32 I don't...
19:34 I'd like to meet her parents, are you kidding me.
19:36 You found dad at a halfway house.
19:37 Yeah, all right go head.
19:39 It is gonna be tough.
19:42 So, he just always talked about his buddy Hamilton,
19:45 for like weeks,
19:46 I probably hadn't met him yet.
19:48 So I knew all about him
19:49 and I knew why he'd been in prison
19:52 and I just... I'm...
19:54 my dad's in prison and I've done stupid...
19:56 I'm just like really non-judgmental
19:58 about that kind of stuff really.
19:59 And you're back drinking, back partying,
20:00 back hanging out.
20:02 Oh, yeah.
20:03 So it's not and I just had to set the stage
20:05 because with all of that,
20:06 your are in the back and amidst of that craziness.
20:10 Oh, I was a mess.
20:12 I was a real big mess.
20:13 Was God there?
20:14 I mean not in my mind, but yes.
20:16 And so... I just...
20:18 because, you know,
20:19 this for me this whole thing is,
20:21 I don't know why but God was there.
20:24 You know and that amazes me
20:26 about the gospel and who God is,
20:29 is that we can be in the midst of that,
20:30 everything else in us as we're lost
20:34 and God says wait, stop and turn around,
20:38 I'm right here, I'm right here.
20:40 And you can see that in retrospect
20:42 when you look back, but when you're in it,
20:44 it doesn't feel like it, it doesn't,
20:46 you can't see him because you're just too...
20:49 I was, I was just way too out of it.
20:53 So you got a friend Hamilton in the halfway house,
20:56 you're saying whatever.
20:58 Yeah, I'm just, I don't even care
20:59 and then I met him
21:01 and like I had this vision of like some
21:04 just old goofy looking guy that I don't know,
21:08 but it wasn't him...
21:10 Take you on.
21:13 And then when I met him, I was just like,
21:15 I mean, there was just something about him
21:17 and he's got this charisma about him,
21:26 I don't know, what did it for me was Hannah.
21:30 She did not like strangers or anyone she didn't know
21:34 and the first time he came in our house
21:36 she climbed up in his lap and just like in his lap
21:42 and she wouldn't that.
21:43 She wouldn't even do it to Jeff,
21:45 the one that introduced me to Adam...
21:48 Friends that she knew.
21:49 And she didn't like him,
21:51 like she wouldn't be
21:52 affectionate towards him at all.
21:53 And she climbed right up in his lap
21:55 and just snuggled him,
21:56 while I was making Theraflu because he was sick.
22:00 And I was just...
22:01 I came out of bathroom and stood in the hallway
22:04 and I could just see right where they were sitting
22:05 and she was just curled up in his lap
22:07 and I was like, Whoa!
22:09 she doesn't do that to anybody
22:11 and that was like the first like-thing
22:13 that just triggered...
22:14 That's really funny
22:16 because I liked you from the very beginning too,
22:17 I just have to say.
22:19 So you end up saying who is this guy, he's funny.
22:25 I mean I didn't really give it much of a second thought,
22:27 he was just a funny, cool guy
22:29 and he was really fun to hangout with and I can't,
22:33 I mean I just fell for him.
22:36 So now I'm gonna go to you, Adam,
22:38 and just say we're gonna get back to what happen next,
22:43 but how did you grow up and what was your life like?
22:46 Who are you, were you...
22:48 and I think you didn't have any kind of spiritual
22:53 or Christianity in your home, right?
22:55 No, the only spiritual Christianity
22:57 I had was visit my grandma,
22:59 which I probably seen her once a year
23:01 for a weekend and she would take me to church.
23:04 Growing up, my parents worked hard,
23:07 my mom was a nurse,
23:08 my dad was a store manager for Walmart or Alcos
23:11 or even Chelsea's palace before it closed.
23:14 So I didn't see him very much.
23:17 My mom drink a lot, my dad was a workaholic
23:21 always searching for that...
23:24 how to make money, so he was investing in...
23:27 So, he was gone a lot. Yeah.
23:29 Mom was drinking. Yeah.
23:30 And when you say drink a lot
23:32 because I don't think normal people understand
23:34 what the heck that means, you know, what does it mean?
23:36 Then it was a Molokos best, 30 pack every night.
23:41 Wow. Yeah.
23:45 yeah and she would just sit at the table,
23:47 all night long just drinking
23:48 and she would get into arguments
23:50 with my older brother,
23:53 sometimes say mean things to us
23:55 and would even be diabetic and sometimes
23:57 he'd beat her bad and she would say
23:59 something pretty mean..
24:00 So, he was dealing with some pretty serious diabetes.
24:02 Yeah, Type 1 yeah,
24:04 there was at least once a month
24:05 he was gone to the hospital, an ambulance was there.
24:08 And just because of...
24:10 and I'm sorry to do this
24:13 in the middle of you sharing with us,
24:15 but one of the things that a lot of people
24:17 don't realize is that when you got alcohol and drugs,
24:19 and you got people acting out in their addictions,
24:22 they do not know how to be there for the kids,
24:24 they just can't be there.
24:26 And studies even show like a small percentage,
24:29 they can and be there emotionally or intimately
24:32 like it less then ten percent,
24:34 and so then we wonder,
24:35 why as kids that we feel lost and starved.
24:38 Both my parents were addicts
24:40 and then my mom actually moved in another addict in
24:43 and I loved all of them,
24:45 but they could not be there for us in the same way
24:48 so your mom could not be there for you.
24:51 I loved her to death and yeah I think I agree
24:53 she couldn't and dad he was always working so...
24:56 So what did you do as a kid,
24:57 I mean because you have to eat,
24:59 did you get angry, did you rebel,
25:01 did you... I mean what did you do?
25:02 I was all over the place,
25:04 I mean pretty much some persons watches my brother
25:06 because my parents are out working till six,
25:08 so we go there and play football
25:09 with my brother and his friends or me
25:11 and another buddy of mine named Adam, getting mischief.
25:15 I mean live in the community in Mexico
25:18 and we've just ran wild, rocks at windows.
25:21 Breaking things.
25:23 Yeah, we love breaking bottles.
25:24 We find an old bottle,
25:26 we save them and take them to the park
25:27 and smash them on the ground because it's so cool.
25:33 And so you get into the high school.
25:38 Yeah, my parents get divorced
25:40 when I went to sixth grade,
25:42 my mom moved to Kansas
25:43 and I stayed with my dad's for about...
25:46 for a year and finally I go and visit my mom here in Kansas
25:50 and she remarries a sheriff of this town.
25:53 So I come visit them
25:54 and I fall in love with this small town.
25:56 Was she still drinking?
25:58 Yeah, little bit yeah, not as much no, not at all.
26:02 Because all of a sudden I see the sheriff's in town now
26:04 Yeah, yeah, exactly.
26:05 She might clean up some.
26:08 So when you...
26:09 if I say you know I could,
26:11 I could see just wild you know wild acting out,
26:16 were you a good student, were you...?
26:19 I had the mentality a D is a good degree
26:22 so, I mean, if I was passing with 60 enough
26:24 I was happy far as...
26:27 I mean it's sports and stuff but I was to party I mean,
26:31 I threw the party or hunt down the party,
26:34 drinking a lot in high school I mean I was...
26:37 Weekends was a bad deal, I was drinking a lot.
26:40 Okay, we're gonna break and we're gonna break
26:43 and come back but I want you to just think about...
26:46 because sometimes I don't think we think about,
26:48 you know, does God know who we are
26:52 when we start behaving and when we say yes
26:54 or when we start to kind of feel in that kind of sense
26:57 that I want to lean to God or does he know who we are,
27:00 since we're born,
27:02 from the very beginning,
27:03 and I think from the very beginning.
27:05 And so you've got these two people that I love,
27:08 so please been nice to them.
27:09 If you're feeling like judging anything right now,
27:12 just be nice of them if you are them,
27:15 I just want you to know that God sees you,
27:17 but just know that from the very beginning,
27:20 he is right there trying to woo us
27:22 into a relationship with him,
27:23 trying to get us to the point where we could start to look up
27:26 from all of the stuff long enough
27:28 to know there is an out,
27:30 there is a savior, there is redemption,
27:32 there is a...
27:34 there is grace.
27:35 And, man, it's nothing that we do,
27:37 it's given to us as a free gift.
27:38 So we'll be right back, stay with us and amen.
27:42 I just love this program but it scares me.