Celebrating Life in Recovery


Three Angels Broadcasting Network

Program transcript

Participants: Cheri Peters (Host), Tracy Hammond


Series Code: CLR

Program Code: CLR000118B

00:01 The following program discusses sensitive issues
00:03 related to addictive behavior.
00:05 Parents are cautioned that some material
00:06 may be too candid for younger children.
00:16 During the break Bonnie at the cafe
00:19 said that she sees sometimes that demonic activity
00:23 as if it's happening only in the deepest, darkest
00:25 jungle somewhere in a tribal group.
00:28 And you see it really clearly that there
00:30 but it sometimes in major cities
00:32 or in places like the US it's just more sophisticated.
00:36 When you talk-- In Jesus time
00:38 there was a thing where He sent out the 70s
00:40 and they came back and they said, man,
00:42 I cannot believe it.
00:44 Even the demons have to listen to us
00:46 and are being called out.
00:48 And Jesus said, don't' be surprised about that,
00:51 be fuller joy that your name is written in the book of life.
00:54 You know we talked about Tracy,
00:56 the guy that was filled with the 1,000 demons,
00:58 you know they're demoniac.
00:59 He's cutting up himself and he's beating people up
01:02 and he's living in a cemetery and he's really out of control,
01:05 crazy, can't even speak for himself.
01:08 Yet when Jesus pulls the demons out
01:09 he was in his right mind for the first time ever.
01:13 And so we really don't take into account
01:15 that there's that activity going around
01:17 but you lived it, you know it's true.
01:19 Yes, I do.
01:20 In fact I raided myself against that guy many times.
01:22 I said, am I like as bad as the guy in the cemetery,
01:25 the demoniac and running around with no cloths,
01:27 check, shouting out loudly,
01:29 check and I was almost cutting myself.
01:31 There was all sorts of wounds all over my body
01:33 by the end of meth binge.
01:36 And there was many times I read in the Bible
01:38 where Jesus would cast something out
01:40 and the people weren't amazed that the demon was there,
01:43 they are amazed that they had the power to--
01:44 that they were cast out.
01:46 There was many times where I would fall asleep
01:49 trying to sleep with the demons all around me,
01:51 knowing they are all around
01:52 and I was just scared out of my mind.
01:54 I'd fully dressed, all the lights on in the house
01:56 and 3ABN on and that was my lifeline,
01:58 it saved my life.
02:00 I swear to you, I promise to you that it did.
02:02 There will be time that I'd be praying to God,
02:04 take away these things crawling on my body
02:06 because days after sobering up I would still feel them
02:09 moving around and causing trouble.
02:12 And I'd say, how long, God,
02:13 how long will I have these things on me?
02:14 And I would receive the answer
02:19 through 3ABN and through the Bible.
02:21 At one time I was asleep in the middle of the night,
02:23 nightmares of, you know,
02:26 bad things of demons impressing into my face,
02:28 beautiful faces with pitch black eyes,
02:30 smiling hideous grins and holding my--
02:32 I wake up and I'd be stifle, I couldn't breath,
02:34 I was being stifle and I have to yell, get off of me and--
02:37 And Jesus' name.
02:38 And Jesus' name and then I would hear scripture,
02:41 I woke up from a middle of dead sleep
02:44 and I heard scripture, "If you search for me
02:46 with all of your heart you will find me."
02:47 I believe it was John Lomacang
02:48 was just reading from the Bible.
02:50 And then also--
02:51 and I knew right then Holy Spirit inspired,
02:52 he said that-- this is an answer for you,
02:54 you search for me with all your heart.
02:56 And so I was casting demons out,
02:58 trying to the day after I was still high
03:00 and I said, hey, if in case you didn't noticed it
03:03 I'm resisting you, get out of here, you know.
03:06 The Bible says. Yeah, the Bible says.
03:08 And yet they would still be toying with me
03:10 and I was wondering why and--
03:11 Resist the devil and he will flee from you, the Bible says.
03:13 Yeah, I said that and I thought,
03:15 hey, resist and flee, what about this.
03:16 And so I looked it up and it says, James 4:7--
03:19 You know what, the only thing, I just have to say,
03:21 the only thing I forget to say for you,
03:23 resist the devil, don't do meth--
03:26 Never, that part.
03:27 You know, it's just like--
03:29 You know-- But we do--
03:31 we start to do the resist,
03:32 we start to do all that kind of stuff
03:34 but we're still online porn, we're still doing meth,
03:37 we're still beating our spouse,
03:39 we're still doing all that kind of stuff
03:41 and there is a point where God says,
03:43 you know what, I am gonna have to ask you
03:45 to do this behavioral change
03:46 because without the behavioral change
03:48 you giving this territory to the devil.
03:50 And so what was that change for you
03:52 because eventually you had to hear that?
03:54 That was it, that's what it was.
03:56 I was being double minded.
03:57 I was-- I planned on doing more drugs next week
03:59 and I was trying to cast the devil.
04:00 You can't do that when you are serving him a banquet
04:02 and then tell him to get out, he's not leaving.
04:05 I want to still do meth, I just don't want to be crazy.
04:07 Yeah, exactly. So can we make a deal here?
04:09 And the devil says, I don't make deals.
04:10 Don't make deals, I'll do whatever I want with my slaves.
04:12 And I remember, I praying to God so many times
04:14 you know, Lord, come now.
04:16 I don't care if I burn up now on your coming,
04:18 I'd rather burn out now than forever as an addict.
04:20 The devil's argument is this should be in heaven,
04:21 this is good, right?
04:22 It should be in heaven, it should be eternal.
04:23 I am like, God.
04:24 And so I said it loudly many times,
04:26 I'd rather die now than you know,
04:28 burn up on God's coming now than live forever in torment
04:32 and also prayed to God.
04:33 Eventually I realized you know what, this is just miserable,
04:37 I hate being and addict, I hated it.
04:40 I'd wake up and repent and feel horrible
04:42 and realize the hope in my life is gone,
04:43 hope is based in truth.
04:45 You don't-- well, I hope I don't get hit
04:46 by the rock heading towards me,
04:48 you can't have hope with that, hope is based in truth
04:50 and I knew a rock was headed right towards me.
04:52 As far as financially, the guys at work hating me--
04:56 You were getting ready to lose everything.
04:58 Getting ready to lose everything.
04:59 It's surprising I still had my car working at all
05:02 and my house payments were getting
05:04 harder and harder to find.
05:06 And so I said to God, I prayed many different prayers
05:09 and when I said, just make me stop
05:12 and I realized he can't force me,
05:13 I would hate him if he forced me.
05:15 And then I said, I realize--
05:16 You know, let's not go past that
05:18 because some people will say,
05:20 you know, just take it away from me or don't--
05:23 like somebody, an alcoholic said,
05:26 you know, you turned water into wine,
05:28 can you do the reverse for me?
05:30 There you go. Yeah, right.
05:31 You know every time I pick it up
05:32 this alcohol becomes water.
05:34 Exactly. Do you know what I mean?
05:35 And it's like being able to say is that God says
05:38 I really need you to get to a place
05:41 where you understand this is bad for you
05:45 and then surrender to me and ask me
05:47 to give you strength to do that.
05:48 So it's like there's got to be our will
05:50 has to come involved in that.
05:51 We have to be able to say,
05:53 you know, as I was a heroin addict,
05:55 I have to stop picking up the needle.
05:57 Somebody that's a workaholic has to say
05:59 that I am going home at 5 o'clock
06:01 and not working all night.
06:02 Somebody that is cheating on their wives says,
06:04 I can't go to that motel with them.
06:06 You know, so it's like God says,
06:09 I need you to work with Me and see the wrong of this.
06:12 I need you to see the way the devil has you under control
06:15 so that you can start walking out.
06:16 And now you do that
06:18 and I promise you I am right there.
06:20 I am right there. Yeah.
06:21 That's what I found.
06:23 Bath salts became illegal
06:24 and I couldn't find meth anywhere
06:26 and I kept looking and I had the sense
06:28 that that God was hiding the meth from me
06:31 and I got very mad at Him.
06:33 And so I know for a fact that praying--
06:34 This is not fair.
06:36 You can't just take it from me like that.
06:38 Guys would think I was a cop for some reason
06:40 in the middle of the deal and yeah.
06:42 Come on, you know You are blocking this for me.
06:44 And so I felt the sprit-- and so the God let me think
06:46 that way just for a moment to realize
06:48 I will be mad if he just made it,
06:49 so I couldn't get to the meth.
06:51 Now later when I got to the meth
06:54 and being able to say no to the meth
06:56 while it's right there, that's the true power of God.
06:58 The fact that we fall is obvious
07:00 as simple flesh craves to die
07:02 but the fact we stand up is because God is with us,
07:04 accompanying spirit of goodness and--
07:07 So the pastor pray-- your mom prayed for you,
07:09 pastor's praying for you, you go into rehab.
07:12 I know it hasn't been a piece of cake from there
07:15 but when did the piece of God start coming in?
07:18 When did you feel you know what,
07:19 I think His protection and His strength
07:22 is bigger than this demonic stuff?
07:25 Yeah, that's--
07:26 I had to get to a horrible spot in order to do that.
07:29 I prayed the prayer finally,
07:30 the Holy Spirit inspired me to pray a prayer.
07:31 You know we are not tapping into God's power,
07:33 you know, this is God almighty, the creator God.
07:36 He created everything with what?
07:37 Few words spoken.
07:38 All I has to do is say
07:39 the right words to change my heart,
07:41 to desire not to be an addict.
07:43 And so I prayed that prayer
07:44 two weeks before He finally answered it.
07:45 And He did answer it in an incredible series of events
07:48 where getting off of work one Friday,
07:52 I asked to get some drugs and I was so rock solid.
07:54 It just triggered my addiction button on turbo repeat.
07:57 I was so mad, I wasted all that time
07:59 getting home before I found it.
08:00 Went back in and got lot more drugs from a real drug dealer
08:04 and I binged clearly into Monday and Tuesday.
08:06 Normally by Monday and Tuesday I am sobering up
08:08 but Monday and Tuesday, fourth and fifth days
08:10 awake with no food or water, it was hell on wheels.
08:16 It was incredible.
08:17 I never had the delusions that I had.
08:18 Things were appearing and disappearing
08:20 out of my skin,
08:21 I would see things grab on to them,
08:23 I miss them and then they just disperse
08:25 and just horrible things going on with my mind
08:28 being handed over to the devil.
08:29 You are risking your very sanity at that point.
08:30 Yeah, yeah.
08:31 I realized-- I realized
08:33 when I saw that thing disappearing into hands
08:35 I realized I might-- my brain might crack
08:38 if I didn't believe that could happen.
08:39 I might just lose it completely right now
08:41 and I realize this is the spirits messing with me.
08:44 But still I had no control over when it would happen next--
08:47 Let me just say for any addict because a lot of us are--
08:51 we are so crazy deceived and a lot of us
08:55 don't realize that there are so many times
08:58 that God will give us a warning
08:59 that you are risking your very sanity.
09:02 You are taking the neuron-chemical
09:05 part of your brain that balances
09:08 so incredibly and you may tweak it
09:11 to the point you will to come back.
09:13 And God says, you know,
09:14 I am trying to get in front of you
09:15 and say stop, stop now,
09:17 I can't force you to stop, I can't wish you to stop,
09:20 I can't love you in this stopping
09:23 but please, pay attention and we'll beat this thing.
09:26 Yeah.
09:27 That's what it was too, God's love restored me
09:30 to sanity that very day.
09:32 I-- the house is just horribly filthy,
09:34 there is oil and disgusting things all over the place
09:37 and the cats are harried and harassed.
09:39 And I am just so weak from being awake so long.
09:40 You say I can handle this
09:41 but I am just so weak I just can't handle it.
09:44 And I am walking around the counter
09:45 and there's more on the horizon
09:47 then I was supposed to do more with this girl later
09:49 and I'd never been on that level
09:50 of adulterous stuff with dealer's daughter
09:53 and it was all set up by Satan as a king,
09:55 checkmate move and I couldn't say no to this,
09:58 you know, succubus girlfriend, what a wonderful deal.
10:01 No, God bless her, it's not her but the demon behind.
10:03 And so I walk around the corner in my filthy house
10:05 and I look at the top of my microwave,
10:07 it's a white microwave,
10:08 it's the only clean thing in my house.
10:09 I remember staring at that just hopeless, helpless.
10:12 I am supposed to go work in an hour
10:13 and I know I can't produce anything worth working
10:16 and I just-- I am horrified at everything around me.
10:19 And I hear a small voice, I hear the idea of God
10:22 I think later about, I think God was calling,
10:24 where are you, Guy, where are you?
10:28 The voice of God was clear and obvious to me
10:30 as a calm simple sound in the chaos around me,
10:33 it was obviously God and I felt still.
10:35 And I went God, I am dead, I reckon I have no hope.
10:40 There's no reason to hope.
10:42 I've got 50, half a gram more with me,
10:44 I am an addict, I can't have drugs
10:46 and not do them, I am going to end up
10:48 insane or dead or my cats will die.
10:51 He said, well, to repent you just have to
10:53 honestly draw near to Me, I'll draw near to you.
10:56 It takes two, it's not just you.
10:57 I said, two or three to repent too much,
10:58 I just-- will just take the smallest step,
11:01 you can take towards Me.
11:03 And there's a pile of magazines there
11:05 and I said, all right, I have nothing better to do,
11:07 I will try and I grab half a stack
11:09 and I head towards the garage
11:10 to go out to the garbage can.
11:12 I hear the devil chatting to me the things
11:14 he said before, yeah, throw those away,
11:16 you'll be in your own trash
11:18 by 4 o'clock tonight, I promise.
11:19 You'll be digging them back out.
11:20 You'll be digging them back out.
11:21 You know you have me for it, you'll do it again.
11:25 And that hurt and so I argued,
11:26 I said, you know
11:28 what I am only going to throw the things away
11:29 that I've looked at already, I'll save the rest
11:31 and I put them up on a shelf.
11:33 And that's-- I just had to keep going forward,
11:35 I know that's not for repentance
11:36 but I was so tattered, my mind was broke
11:38 and I head back into the garage,
11:40 back into the house and light is charging
11:43 into the corners of my future, I am taking the right steps,
11:46 kind of I am heading the right direction,
11:47 I feel in the angel world that angels of light
11:50 have permission to come in here,
11:52 come in here and there's light charging in around,
11:54 battle fronts are shifting, I can feel that.
11:56 And as I walk into the kitchen I hear the Holy Spirit say,
11:59 today is trash day, all the things
12:01 you throw away are going right
12:02 into the dump truck here in about an hour.
12:04 I am like, oh, yes.
12:06 And that gave me such hope, such joy,
12:07 I was-- that just kept me going
12:09 and so I walk in around and I started to wiping up
12:12 the oil on the floor and--
12:14 Isn't God awesome in that way?
12:15 Isn't He great?
12:16 Because He just says, you know what,
12:17 Tracy, I love you and I promise you
12:20 this is different, this will be different.
12:22 Right now you made that baby step
12:24 and I will take it right to the dumpster.
12:26 Yeah. That was it. This was so different.
12:29 I could just feel it that I walked around
12:31 into the kitchen and in the living room
12:32 there was a dead mouse there,
12:33 ripped open and torn and disgusting
12:35 and I didn't know where it came from.
12:36 I've been there all night,
12:37 I don't know where it came from.
12:38 Trying to clean it up, it was almost impossible,
12:39 I know it was because it was grabbing on
12:42 and moving and it was horrible.
12:44 And I just poured soap and water on it,
12:46 I found that the evil creature don't like soap and water.
12:48 So I cleaned that up but it freaked me out so much.
12:51 And I realize, oh, I have 50 grams of drug,
12:53 what to do with those or half a gram drugs?
12:57 As I am stashing it in, I said,
12:58 well, I'll just sell it back to the dealer,
13:00 easy answer, you know.
13:02 A druggie answer. A druggie answer.
13:03 That's exactly what we would think
13:05 because you can't just dump it in a toilet.
13:07 No. You can't throw it away.
13:09 Well, you spent money that would be stupid.
13:12 And so--
13:13 Well, you know what, for most addicts
13:14 you know what they will say, just put it in a cupboard
13:16 because you're gonna need that by 4 o'clock.
13:18 Yeah, that's the argument in the back of our head.
13:21 And I hear buzzers going off
13:23 which was the Holy Spirit saying,
13:25 there's two things wrong
13:26 with stuffing this into a baggie.
13:27 First, you don't put sin in a storage bag,,
13:29 that's like making a provision for the flesh
13:31 to fulfill luster all the scripture.
13:33 And the other one is if I have this past noon,
13:35 my heart will change
13:36 and I will do these drugs myself if I have them on me.
13:38 Absolutely.
13:40 And so I realize that but I have to just keep moving.
13:44 And so I go and I start wiping the oil in the floor
13:47 and I clean up the mouse guts,
13:48 that's actually when I did that.
13:50 As I come around the corner from cleaning up the mouse
13:52 I hear the Holy Spirit burst in, those drugs,
13:55 throw them away the sink is right over there.
13:57 Oh, okay.
13:58 And I grab on to it, I head towards the sink,
14:00 I had freedom over addiction at that moment,
14:03 for a moment until I got to the sink
14:04 and in that thought keep then in the carry
14:06 you gonna want them later and I hear myself shrieking
14:09 no, and I was seriously yelling at the top of my lungs.
14:11 Inside, oh.
14:12 No! I was seriously yelling to myself.
14:13 You literally yelling?
14:14 Yeah, I was in my and I couldn't throw it away.
14:17 I was hovering over the sink, should I throw them away,
14:19 should I wash them out, should I not
14:21 and as I think back about it I realize
14:22 that the angels of light were around my heart
14:25 and my free will, arm and arm length
14:27 saying hold the line, hold the line.
14:29 You know, we need free will right here.
14:31 And the demons are shrieking over the edge.
14:33 That is precious to us, do not throw that away.
14:35 This is the gold we drag and sit upon,
14:38 you know, inside from human flesh.
14:40 And so I hear the Holy Spirit say, God himself saying,
14:44 truly, would you give up heaven?
14:46 Would you go to hell for this half a gram meth?
14:48 And I couldn't answer-- Could you give your sanity up?
14:50 Give your sanity up?
14:51 And I couldn't answer because my mind was so rag
14:53 and I was like, well, if I can't throw it away
14:55 so I guess I would give up on Him.
14:57 And He said, well, aren't you in hell already?
15:00 That sentence right there was the answer to my prayer
15:03 because at that point I just broke into tear,
15:05 I washed the baggie out.
15:06 I was in hell already, I did not see that.
15:09 Seriously, I did not see I was in hell already
15:11 and it was something that I caused fulfilling
15:14 my will with drug, the great expectation of meth,
15:17 I was in hell with demons all round me.
15:20 So is that the worth keeping? No, I washed it out.
15:23 And I laughed till I cried and then I called the pastor
15:25 and we said prayers and seriously
15:28 God restored my sanity that day.
15:31 Even though I had incredible delusions at work,
15:33 I cannot define to this day why I was seeing the things
15:37 I was seeing, I thought clearly.
15:39 And for four months I was changed completely
15:44 to not even want to call the drug dealer
15:46 which is just a miracle.
15:47 Every weekend I was calling.
15:48 Nobody except for another addict
15:50 would say that's a miracle.
15:51 It is a miracle.
15:52 Yeah, it's a miracle
15:53 that I get in call every weekend.
15:55 God said, I am gonna give you a break,
15:57 I am going to give you some rest.
15:58 Yeah, He gave me a four month rest
16:00 that I knew people would say,
16:01 oh, you got to be careful and that,
16:02 you know, I was just changed.
16:05 And now-- of course now I daily battle,
16:08 I daily have to thank God and say,
16:10 I am glad I am sober, God.
16:12 I was hopeless, now I am so full of hope, you know.
16:15 I was wretched sin, pathetic
16:18 and I am not adulterous counseling,
16:21 you know, I love my wife now.
16:24 But yeah, everyday there's addictions.
16:26 In fact, this week when I heard I was coming on the show--
16:28 Before we go there, before we go there
16:30 because I-- you know,
16:32 this struggle and giving up your will
16:34 when they come up is incredible and we'll get there.
16:37 But I want to know, tell me a day
16:41 beside the first day that when you finally flush
16:43 that drug I just-- my heart leaped for you
16:46 when you said that, that was so cool.
16:48 But what the peace look like
16:50 as it started coming into your home,
16:52 as your cats could rest?
16:54 See, that's the thing.
16:55 That's the first thing I think I'll chose.
16:57 I used to say I love you kitties,
16:58 I am sorry, it will get better,
17:00 because that's seemed just terrified
17:02 looking around, panic constantly.
17:03 And I realize to say, I love you to them
17:05 is to be sober it's not just the word.
17:07 Do I care for them?
17:08 And so in that way it just the peace
17:11 and the love, the environment
17:13 that was so scared with dirty things
17:15 now I was rebuilding over the top, healthy things.
17:18 You know it was wonderful
17:21 because I feel like, like you look all the time,
17:23 like the Cheri she's just insane but free.
17:26 She's a freed slave, she knows
17:28 how bad it can be and how wonderful it is to be free.
17:31 And the fact that we go to the same church
17:34 is I get to watch you walk in the door.
17:37 And I watched, man, I don't even know
17:39 if you going to want to share this
17:41 but I watched somebody come on to you one time in church.
17:43 Oh, yeah. And you did the right thing.
17:45 Really?
17:46 And I wanted to put thumps up, like--
17:48 and I wanted to say to God, did you just see Tracy
17:51 because he did the right thing.
17:53 This person would have done anything just to get
17:55 `Your number and to get You to go,
17:57 do the next-- whatever and you just politely,
18:00 and kind of stepped away, went on--
18:02 Thank God. Yeah.
18:04 But that is the only God that He contained our desires
18:07 that even when somebody throws himself out us
18:09 when somebody actually comes around
18:11 and offers us the same direction
18:14 or the same entrapment that the Holy Spirit says
18:17 don't put your hand in that trap.
18:19 Yeah, that's right.
18:20 Yeah. Don't do it.
18:21 That's the beauty of what God does for us.
18:23 Yeah.
18:24 That's, I am so thankful for what He's done for me.
18:26 That's true. It's absolutely amazing.
18:28 And I know at the cafe right now we have questions.
18:31 And so, Brad, you are from--
18:35 you go to the same church as Tracy of course.
18:38 Right.
18:39 And do you have any questions for him,
18:41 any comments for him?
18:42 So, Tracy, I just want to say,
18:44 thanks so much for coming
18:45 and because I go to your church too,
18:47 it's been just a joy to listen to your testimony
18:51 and watch what's taking place in your life,
18:53 it's really-- it's just a blessing.
18:55 So it's really interesting, I would not have belief
18:59 in the demonic side of things
19:01 you know, early on in my life
19:03 and for even early on my Christian walk
19:05 for that matter until an experience took place.
19:08 Actually I was honored enough to be able to join Cheri
19:10 in a ministry in another country
19:12 and we were doing some personal one
19:13 on one counseling sessions with different people.
19:16 And we were working with this one woman
19:18 and the way she was responding was so interesting
19:24 and you know, and you would see
19:25 this personality change all of a sudden
19:27 where, it's like what happened?
19:30 I remember I just said to Cheri,
19:31 excuse me for a minute, can I talk to you.
19:33 And we went around the corner and I said,
19:35 I think we need to ask her this because in this case,
19:38 what was interesting for you I think,
19:39 your exposure came through the drugs, right.
19:41 You opened the door.
19:42 And in her case she had,
19:44 had some tribal influence early on.
19:46 And from a tribal culture that believed
19:49 in things different than what we do as Christians.
19:52 And so I mentioned something to Cheri
19:54 and she just said to me, okay, we can ask that question
19:57 but be prepare to see the demon if you do.
20:00 And so we sat back down and I am still pretty new,
20:02 and we asked the question and I am telling you,
20:05 this was not the person talking back.
20:08 And even later on, and so we got to a point
20:10 where we ended the session
20:12 because we couldn't move forward
20:13 without actually almost going into trying to do an exorcism
20:16 or something like cast them out.
20:17 I am like, okay, I am not ready for that.
20:20 And I saw this person later on, I just walking by
20:23 and that person was talking to someone
20:25 who we had counseled with and I could tell
20:28 they were trying to influence that person
20:31 in a way against what we've done.
20:33 And as I walked by she looked at me
20:35 and she said, oh, I'll have time for you
20:38 after I am done with this one.
20:40 Wow.
20:41 And I thought that is not something
20:43 a normal person would say.
20:45 That to me, I was so clear, I am just thinking that--
20:49 and when you said that, I believe it.
20:52 And you know, I had that kind of experience with that.
20:54 So it was interesting.
20:56 But what I want to ask you about
20:58 is because I know that maintenance
21:00 is part of what we're talking about.
21:02 So now you're at this place
21:04 where you are into your recovery and doing this.
21:07 So talk maybe a little bit more
21:09 about what you do to maintain where you are at and--
21:12 I am not even say
21:14 maintain your forward motion in your walk with God.
21:16 Nice. And I love that question.
21:18 And that is a serious concern.
21:20 It's like Paul had, he had a messenger from Satan
21:23 that came to harass him and he prayed--
21:26 have to take him away and it wouldn't, to keep him humble.
21:28 I have the same thing.
21:29 I still deal with this side effects
21:30 of knowing the spiritual world
21:31 is so close to us, it's tied into us.
21:34 And I have to say that I pray to God every morning,
21:38 thank you for today, please be in my life
21:41 and please live in my heart
21:43 because I know that we humans are built to house spirits.
21:46 And it is what God intendeds is
21:49 that we live with Him every day.
21:50 And everything I did while I was on high with meth
21:53 was accompanied by spirit directly embedded
21:55 between me and the thing I was using was an evil spirit.
21:59 Now with God there's a good spirit
22:02 directly connected with everything I touch.
22:04 And so this is holy ground.
22:06 And I defiantly pray, read the Bible morning and night,
22:09 I pray all day long because I do--
22:11 I don't want to say, I sense things or whatever
22:14 but I am aware of the enemy schemes
22:16 and a lot of them are in the personalities
22:19 that people are feeding up as feasts to him,
22:21 you know, intolerance, impatience, rudeness,
22:24 all these things are the evil spirits
22:26 laying real close to someone
22:27 and inspiring that sort of things and--
22:28 Well, you know, I have to say
22:29 that I heard a statement one time
22:31 that was powerful to me.
22:33 Said behind every addiction
22:34 is a demon waiting to be worshiped.
22:36 Yeah. Yeah.
22:37 And I thought, oh, shut up. Are you kidding me?
22:40 So behind our angry outburst or behind our eating disorder,
22:45 behind our sexual addictions, behind all that kind of stuff
22:48 I don't think that we realize how many times
22:50 we are demonically influenced
22:53 and kind of moved forward in our addiction.
22:56 And God said the only thing that's gonna get you free
22:59 is when you acknowledge that, repent of that
23:02 and come back to me, step into the light.
23:05 Literally I am trying to get your very sanity,
23:08 defiantly your eternal life.
23:10 But before your eternal life
23:11 even your sanity I am trying to restore.
23:13 That's a huge part of the answer
23:15 and part of that question as well is to stop
23:17 looking at the demons and look towards the light.
23:19 That's the biggest step to take is to stop looking for that.
23:23 Sure they are all around you in personalities
23:25 and things not going right, corners catching.
23:27 But looking at Jesus and ignoring the demons
23:30 is the right way to go
23:31 to produce good spirits and good fruits,
23:33 I have to become more like God
23:34 and to look at Him is to become more like Him,
23:37 and through the Bible is a good way to do it
23:38 and 3ABN has helped me so much.
23:41 I keep that on, it's the only channel in my--
23:42 I love when you said you watched our program.
23:44 Oh, yeah, I watched your program
23:46 while I was in recovery, while I down in it.
23:47 How funny is that? Yeah, it's awesome.
23:49 I was like, wow.
23:50 There's that warning at the beginning,
23:51 "Parents be caution, there are extreme..."
23:53 you know.
23:54 I am like, hey, this is a good show.
23:55 Here some freed slavery exhumer crazy lady, I love it.
24:01 I can relate to you very much.
24:02 I feel the same way like I've been so down
24:05 and dark and oppressed than now I feel--
24:08 I feel like I am living a supernatural life al the time
24:10 because God is with me and I know
24:13 that there is more than what we see around here
24:14 and that's a blessing.
24:15 I mean, if people could all see that and handle it,
24:18 it would be so cool to know that God is right here with us
24:21 in the holy ministry angles are all around.
24:23 The 911 called the Bible Psalms 91:11
24:26 "For he should give his angels charge over thee,
24:28 to keep thee in all thy ways."
24:29 It's a promise, it's happening right now.
24:30 Yah I know.
24:31 And been able to say you know, Tracy, I'd love.
24:35 Is the fact that I need to switch my gears,
24:38 because the one of the things that I thought when--
24:42 you know, I came to Christ is
24:43 I was so afraid of the demonic stuff.
24:45 I have been homeless for ten years,
24:47 I have seen how dark people's lives can get in,
24:49 how twisted their addition could be.
24:51 I have seen demons really control folks,
24:55 take the-- you know,
24:56 I have seen people take the lives
24:58 because of this disperse and all that kind of stuff.
25:01 And so now I'm afraid, I'm like God I'm afraid,
25:04 because I'm afraid of these, this influence
25:07 and so it takes me to revelations like--
25:11 I think it's 19 or 20.
25:13 And He says that at the end of the whole thing
25:15 when Satan is bound for 1,000 years.
25:19 You know, He said, I want you to read about that.
25:21 So I'm like how cool and so read it
25:23 and angel comes down from heaven.
25:25 And He says read it again.
25:27 An angel comes down from heaven,
25:29 I am ADD and He says "read it again"
25:31 are you not clear read it again.
25:32 And so now I'm gonna little irritated,
25:34 I'm speaking, what you mean to read it again?
25:35 I read it fine.
25:37 Angel comes down from heaven
25:38 and then I hear the Holy Spirit to how many angels?
25:41 An angel, one.
25:43 One angel can bind the devil himself
25:46 at the end of the whole thing,
25:48 and you don't think I had at least
25:50 one around you, at all times.
25:51 There are times in our lives
25:53 God says legions of angels are around you.
25:56 Because the battle is raging, the storm is raging,
25:59 but I am God and I will not leave you powerless.
26:02 This battle is been won by Me.
26:04 The only that doesn't know at right now is you.
26:06 Correct. Because devil himself knows it.
26:08 Yeah. The demons know it.
26:10 They know that if they can get you to believe a lie
26:12 and to take yourself out then they've won.
26:15 That's the only way they won.
26:16 But you look up for a second
26:18 and say God I give the battle to You, we are free.
26:21 Yeah, that's what I found too.
26:23 Huge.
26:24 Yeah, I found that too, is a--
26:26 the devil's know they are defeated
26:28 and I once I got upset and gone mad about it
26:30 and was honest about my repentance,
26:32 I had to yell out some points.
26:33 You are defeated foe, get away from me.
26:35 And that's sincerely whole heartedness it works.
26:38 You have no powered yet.
26:40 No power to me and the fact that I was--
26:41 And a child of God.
26:43 In fear or lacking faith
26:44 was where they were gaining ground on me.
26:46 So any time I was afraid was when they were winning.
26:48 But once I stopped looking them,
26:50 stopped fearing them then God was working with me--
26:53 And even-- even in your--
26:55 and this is gonna be tough for lot of people to hear,
26:58 but even as you stumble is your faith
27:00 in the demons are in God?
27:02 Oh, in God constantly.
27:03 Yeah, there is days I stumble and fall.
27:05 I'm not living a super natural life
27:07 and I won't have my guard up and I will just stab someone
27:10 in the back really hard and just lose my character--
27:14 For normal people he didn't mean that literarily.
27:16 Not literarily-- I'm just saying,
27:19 because you just were to say so how crazy is that.
27:20 Thank you for that.
27:21 Because I don't I just-- I don't like stabbing people,
27:22 I know, I mean-- I work you know
27:25 I'm nice guy and this guy every like to you know,
27:27 thank God, there's this love for people
27:29 that I have now and I like to say hi to every one.
27:31 I'm learning new names constantly--
27:32 And when you say stabbing the back,
27:33 I don't like God's opinion about them--
27:34 So let's stab in the back, exactly.
27:35 The line in their character,
27:37 I don't like whatever, there is no knifes involved.
27:39 There is no knifes involved.
27:40 Yeah, but it does it feel just horrible now.
27:42 And I see the devil got away with one,
27:45 when I do that like oh, I'm sorry, God.
27:47 But I love the way that, when working with God
27:50 every scheme of the devil backfires on him.
27:52 And like for instance when I went into my addiction
27:55 I used to be a deacon in at church
27:56 and I got to take up tithes and stuff
27:58 and I like that serving God in a simple way.
28:00 And when I fell into my addiction
28:01 they took me off the schedule,
28:03 because it was time to re-approve people
28:05 and I wasn't there and I wasn't approved,
28:06 but now there are one short on their schedule.
28:08 So I come back into the church
28:09 and so everyday I show up to church,
28:11 I'm an automatic deacon.
28:12 So now, still been a deacon once a month,
28:14 now I get to be deacon whenever I show up.
28:16 I think it's awesome.
28:18 But you know, you loving do that, you know.
28:20 I love that, you know, yeah its such a blessing--
28:22 You never stole from the offering plate?
28:24 No, what--
28:25 No, no you know what because I wanted to steal
28:28 from the offering plate for the first five years
28:30 and literally, in you had in the back room.
28:33 Oh, yeah, that's right, it's in the back room--
28:35 Because you know, what as a--
28:37 what's really interesting when they say
28:38 what you do with the temptation?
28:40 Some times the temptations
28:41 come out of you from every where.
28:42 You know, somebody sends
28:44 the offering plate in our church
28:45 and for the first five years
28:46 I had to not take the money out of it.
28:49 You know, when I go to put it in,
28:50 I could pretend and just take 20 bucks.
28:52 You know and-- you like a not even I thought of that--
28:56 I don't have that weakness but I understand it.
28:57 But I did in the whole time going to God
29:00 and saying God, I want some day for that to go
29:03 buy with out me thinking that,
29:04 because that would be a victory for me.
29:06 And He said just hold on, because there is gonna be a day
29:09 that you will not have that be a first start.
29:11 There is gonna be a day that your first start
29:13 is not gonna be the twisted start
29:15 but you have to have faith in that.
29:17 I'm fitting the battle and we'll get their.
29:20 That's huge.
29:21 Yeah, that's what I am inspired to do constantly
29:23 with my struggles of adultery and going
29:24 so deep in to the flesh and stuff is
29:27 when I see girls walk along side the road.
29:28 Now I'm told by the Holy Spirit
29:30 to look twice as a sin and so I know, I got okay.
29:33 So he is giving me strength not even
29:35 and to think them as children of heaven
29:37 and there is so much greater purpose
29:39 for them being here than being a lost object.
29:41 And so I am staring to see little growth
29:44 and that's better than heading the wrong direction so--
29:46 We are gonna come back for close.
29:48 Would you join me on the close?
29:49 Sure. Okay, awesome.
29:51 We are gonna come back.
29:52 If you have nothing touched by this show
29:55 I just be surprised.
29:56 That would be surprise.
29:58 It is so amazing, but stay with us
29:59 because I have a few more things
30:00 to say on this very topic.


Revised 2015-01-08